Between Two Beers Podcast: Hayley Holt Opens Up About Alcohol, Miscarriage, Motherhood, Politics, CGW, and more!

On this episode of Between Two Beers we talk to Hailey Holt.

Hailey is one of New Zealand's highest profile broadcasters and has been a fixture on New

Zealand's screens for nearly 20 years.

She's been a snowboarder, a ballroom dancer, a member of the Green Party, a radio host,

celebrity boxer, and has fronted shows like Crowd Goes Wild, Breakfast and One's Sports News.

In this episode we find out what young Hailey was like, the unlikely path from

dancer to snowboarder, the difficult relationship with booze, behind the scenes of Crowd Goes Wild,

Solitso, live TV and the difficult transition to breakfast, her challenging road to motherhood

and much, much more. Hailey has such a fun infectious energy, this one was a blast.

She's lived such an incredibly full and varied life and there's so much to learn at each chapter.

Listen on iHeart or wherever you get your podcasts from or watch the video on YouTube

and follow us on Instagram and TikTok to see the best video clips from each app.

This episode was brought to you from the Export Beer Garden Studio. Enjoy!

It's amazing how many guests say that same thing and we were essentially going through

figuring out what we weren't going to talk about. There's so much in your story, there's so much

there. It's amazing you've got that perception. You can tell it. Well there's a book out if we

want to shortcut it, but we took the best bits out. We took the best bits out. So did I.

Yeah. Oh really? Oh maybe this is it. Well maybe you can remember those ones and chuck them in here.

Third chance, third chance to get those stories out. Second chance is the book, third chance is the

podcast. I was telling the publishers that it really should be sort of 10 chances, the 10th chance.

It doesn't have the same ring to it. No. I was emailing you a little bit back and forward

lead up to this. You're saying you're sort of getting the hang of the mum work-life balance.

How are we getting on now? How old's Raven? Raven is 14 months and I was kind of waiting for that

time when I was going to feel good and had the hang of it before I could do too many extra things.

But that time never really came so I thought I might as well just do it. Just jump in because

I don't think you ever do as a parent. Four kids. Four kids. It's a lot. It's insane. I mean one kid

is, I'm struggling. You know what? I think the jump from zero to one is the hardest of them all.

Like it just throws everything out. Like it's such a big adjustment and then as you add them on,

you're kind of like three to four. It's chaos anyway. So it's not too different. Just add to the

cast and you get used to letting go, I suppose. Yeah, you do. That's it. You totally lose all of

your time and yeah, it's hard that zero to one. So you're in it and especially what 14 months

did you say? That's a tricky time. It is a tricky time. It's a beautiful time because he's getting

a personality and you know, he's sort of walking around and he's playing with things and he just

goes, huh? Huh? Huh? All the time. And my partner was asking the daycare ladies, when's he going to

start talking because we're bored of, huh? It's like, I'm not bored of it. I love it. It's really

cute. But yeah, I mean it is, it's full on and he doesn't want to let you have any of your time.

He doesn't want to let you cook him his porridge. He doesn't want to let you try and get ready for

work. He does a huge cry if you try and put him down and do something for yourself. It's like

you've betrayed him. Can I ask you, when do you change from months to years when describing the

age of your child? Good question. Because I'm 42. In my, Raven would be one. Yes, but I think

at two, I've thought about this and I think at two you start doing two and three. Okay. Because

one to 14 months is so different. Yep. You know. Yeah, it's what the kid, the guy without kids here

by the way. It was just, it was a curious thing because you both went 14 months. You might go

two and a half. I think you can break it into halves when you get to two and then three. Yeah,

you're just into years. Right. I think that's the rule. That's so interesting. And then I think when

they get to about sort of seven, then they start saying seven and three quarters because I remember

doing that myself. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Well, there we go. There's a little, there's a little

interesting interaction from the sideline. He's one year and two months. Yeah. Doesn't have the

same ring to it. It's a little bit like a 10th chance. Yeah. So the good thing about between

two beers, Haley, is that we can swear. And we have been in touch with your dear friend,

Maddie McClane, who suggested that a good place to start might be to talk about two of the most

iconic swearing episodes in breakfast history in his words. And apparently you're the protagonist

in both of them. Oh, he's trying to take this thing off his own swearing. Didn't he swear on

breakfast lately? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's given us two examples. I'm wondering if you know what

I'm talking about. I do. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can remember one very clearly. Oh, and yes,

the other one I was talking about surfing, I think. Yeah. Measuring the height of a wave.

Which I think is quite a hard thing to describe at the best of times.

It is. And I think I thought I knew what I was talking about, but then I realised I didn't

actually, do you measure it from the back? Do you measure it from the front? And then I was just

basically telling myself to shut up as a fuck. I don't know. You've switched off that your broadcast

into the nation and you've just gone back to normal Hayley. Yeah. Yeah. So that was one of them.

And then the other one, remember this competition? Yes. Very competitive. And so is Matty McLean,

as we've all seen on Treasure Island. And so is Jack, but he never wins. So that was...

Yeah. We had Jack came on and we were doing a whirldle at that stage. And he basically

shut out what we were trying to do with the episode to try and guess the country at the time.

It was a really bad podcast thing. He was focused. He was really focused on trying to solve the puzzle.

But yes, sorry, I've jumped on your story. Carry on. The competition, you, Matty, Jack, Daniel

Faitawa. We used to have a competition. I think it was every Friday. It was a new segment we were

trying to get going. And we were doing a competition about blowing, I think, table tennis balls,

what do you call them, ping pong balls, into a cup, something like that. I can't remember.

And anyway, I'd seen earlier Matty and Jack bringing in the table with the cups on it.

And I think we had to blow the cups, something random. And this cup wouldn't move. I was blowing

it with all my might. And I, in my head, was thinking they have stuck it to the table because,

you know, I wouldn't put it past them. And I saw Jack blowing his cups off the table,

and Matty was, and I just went, oh, fuck. Being so competitive and knowing that someone had set

me up, you know. And then I think it took a beat in everyone. I could see everyone going, oh.

Yeah. Is it a bit like the anchorman moment when it's, fuck you, San Diego, and the whole crew

behind the camera are just like, is it as sharp? Is it as like as graphic as that,

the situation on the floor afterwards? Yes. Oh, wow. Yes, it is. Amazing. And I just, oh,

oh my God. Again, you know, behind the fourth wall. Behind the fourth wall, that's the two.

The real Haley came out because I was losing, and I was not happy about it. Yeah.

When you go to commercial in that moment, is everyone like, what's the debrief look like

after that situation, or you cut to something else? Are they like, Haley, come on again? Seriously?

There's a bit of silence, and we had a cool producer, John O'Williams at the time, and he

just came in laughing. Thank God. And then I guess it's just, you just have to wait for,

you know, the response from the viewers, because that's when you're going to know

like what you're going to have to do about it. I did say sorry. I think the fact that I was so

shocked helped. Yeah. I feel like it endears you to the audience though, because you're real. It's

not like people in the everyday lives don't swear. It's just, you're on TV, you've got a camera

pointing at you, and you're expected to uphold model standards. Broadcasting standards. Broadcasting

standards. Yeah, that's true. Also apparently in front of children, which I was never good at either

with my friends' kids. They were like, oh God, Haley. And my own kid too, so he's going to be

teaching the kids at school, I'm sure. Maddie described it as iconic. Is that blowing it up a

bit? Like, do people still make gags about what was the first one? Oh, fuck, I don't know. Like,

does that get said a lot in jest afterwards? No, it's not iconic. And he was obviously just

trying to take the heat off his own swearing episode. No. I mean, it does make some of the blooper

reels, and I think it made the news. You know, Herald, you know so well. Oh yeah. They watch,

don't they? All of these shows, and as soon as something happens, it goes up online. Yeah.

Clickbait. Oh, that guy? Haley Holt's wearing, you know, an odd top.

You can only apologise on behalf of Stephen for those headlines. I'm very sorry, Haley,

he looks very smart. I moonlight in the lifestyle.

That's funny. Okay, so the way we sort of canvassed a few people. Actually,

you've got quite a closed tight circle. Yeah. You don't get a lot from your people.

You didn't? No. That's how I've survived so long. Yeah, Josh, nothing, Stonewall.

Who wants to be a fight hour? Nothing. CGW crew didn't really come in.

Disney. No. I was actually hoping that they would. They'd have the best stories. Yeah.

We've got some areas to go to there. You can have a word about them. I will.

About responding to the B2B requests for info. I will. Josh didn't reply. That's funny.

Didn't see it. We probably ended up in his junk. Yeah, maybe. We quite often do.

He's not huge on social media except for trolling American football people.

Oh, you've seen him in the jerseys a lot. What's his team out of curiosity?

Miami Dolphins. He doesn't so much follow teams. He follows quarterbacks,

so Tour Tangaweilo is his favorite. Nice. Yeah. Nice. And he follows Lamar Jackson from the

Ravens too. You're a Seattle Seahawks. See, I've done my research. I read that page.

I read the one page. It's out of info. I mean, it's out of, what's the thing called?

It needs updating. It needs updating, I just don't know.

You're a bit flustered today. I was up at 3.30 a.m. doing Halley Holt research.

Truth be told. Truth be told. Truth be told. Full disclosure.

Wow. Yeah, that is true. It's a long book to get through.

Anyway, so Brother Logan has come to the party. Oh, good.

So he sent something in. We're not really sure where it goes, what it is, but he said,

ask her what the first car she owned was and what happened when she was driving it along

the motorway through the middle of Spaghetti Junction with a carload of schoolmates.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Interesting memory, Logan. Yeah, I had a Mazda 3-3 sedan, wasn't a hatchback,

wasn't that cool. And I think just got my restricted license. And so I was celebrating

by driving everyone into town. We were going to the Burgary because I had lots of vegan

friends at the time, wasn't a vegan hardcore. We were off to the Burgary to get there.

I think veganism existed then, did it? Yeah, but it was very odd. Like, you were hardcore and vegan,

you know. Yeah, what is that? That's hardcore. I remember Straight Edge being a thing when I...

Straight Edge, sorry. Yeah, was it? Yes. Straight Edge. So they said no to booze and no to meet and

we didn't. We said yes. But we were off to the Burgary and yeah, I was just getting on the motorway

at Gilles Ave and I was trying to change lanes. And then I went so far and then I overcorrected

this way and then I overcorrected again and then I overcorrected again and then all of a sudden

the car just spun 180 across four lanes of the motorway and stopped just facing the other way.

And there was luckily a gap, weirdly, thank you, whoever's looking after me. And then, you know,

a line of cars coming in and had to stop. Oh, shit. I know. Yeah. And then I ran out. I couldn't,

like, I panicked so much that I got out of the driver's seat and ran and swapped with the person

who was sitting next to me and made them drive. Oh, did you? Yes. Yeah, it was freaky. No emergency

services called in? No, but there wasn't an ambulance in the line of cars that were following

us up who stopped in front of us and then I think someone drove past and went,

fucking kids! And then... Fair enough. That's a hell of a... Were you back in the behind the

wheel very soon after that? Straight back on the horse? All cars, so to speak. Straight, straight

back on the horse. Yeah, maybe. Maybe the next day. Wow. Yeah, you've got to get back on the horse.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do. You do. When you fall down, you've got to get straight back up,

as we'll find out later on. We'll be right back after this short break.

But I did want to talk to you about Sonia Gray because we had her on the pod a few weeks ago

and it sent me down this ADHD sort of spiral. I found out a lot about my family and the lead

up to it and ADHD and how it's affected one of my kids and my wife and it kind of just like

made a lot of sense and I know and I listened to some of the podcasts, you were on them and

you have been on your own ADHD journey. What has it changed about yourself? How you feel about

yourself or how you act differently? So has it really changed how you act because I don't think

you can change it but it's I guess knowing helps you as you say understand yourself and not beat

yourself up for the behaviors and then I guess getting just helping yourself out by writing notes.

But yeah, I guess it's a long journey and a lot of people have ADHD and as you say it helps you

recognize it and other people around you. My brother, Logan, my mum, I'm sure has ADHD but

both of those people haven't done anything about it. Undiagnosed in your amateur opinion?

Yes, absolutely. What has it changed? I don't know, it's just been okay with yourself,

been okay with the fact that you go to the supermarket for that really, really important

thing and then completely forget about it, what it was when you're there and you just wonder the

aisles, hoping something's going to trigger your memory or walking into a room going, what am I

doing here? And I have like this inattentive one so I can go off into my happy place and just look

like I'm staring into space which I probably sometimes am but also sometimes you're on like

this big wormhole of thought. It's taking down some really interesting places, very hard to describe.

Yes, and even now I feel a bit lost in telling the story.

It's interesting because I feel like Maddie McLean again in his information to us said that he would

really look forward to your segues into stories because they were weird and wonderful and he

didn't know one, he reckons on air, really knew where you were going to end up with them and is

it that just kind of train of thought even when you're in your professional capacity that you

were doing that? Absolutely, so it's hard to focus on exactly what's been said and just follow that

natural flow of things because your brain goes, oh what about all of this? And you sort of see the

big picture, details not so much, but you can sort of see the big picture and then oh this is

something interesting that's kind of connected to what we're talking about so I'm going to bring that

That's a really interesting point for us as podcasters to kind of take into account when we're

thinking about how to structure an episode with someone who does have ADHD. Like what would you

give us as advice to do and kind of prep, because we've got our way of preparing, but what would

help you in this scenario, would it be like giving you some info beforehand before you got here about

the kind of areas that we wanted to explore? I mean maybe, but then then I would have to stress out about

how I'm going to tell the stories and how I'm going to be lost. So yeah, I mean it was funny

actually talking to Sonia Gray because both of us having ADHD was really, really, really hard to

keep on track and we sort of went everywhere and then we gossiped about our kids and then we were

gossiping about work and people we knew and they were like oh actually you better get back to the

topic. So I just up to you, just you know, rain me in. Yeah cool, no no we won't rain you in at all

but it's interesting. It's really good. After that episode my mum has been on this big ADHD journey

as well and she listened to it and she recommended the podcast episode that you were in, episode seven

I think it was. She's like you need to listen to this Steve. And it was really good, like you come

across well it's, I think it's such a valuable resource that whole series, everyone should go

and listen to it because there's everyone and someone in your life is affected by it and it

just helps you understand, right? 100% and it's so good. Sonia did that all by herself,

she did the editing, she got all the gears, you know she got the funding for it, I mean and for

someone who's got ADHD and dealing with her own stresses in her life to be able to get that done

is you know amazing. I think she's an amazing woman and I think sometimes with ADHD you can do that,

you can take everything on and if you just like have someone helping push you to the end

you can actually achieve quite a lot, you can achieve more sometimes than neurotypical, I hate

that word. Yeah, it's a mouth delay, the old neurotypical neurodiverse. Yeah, no she's cool.

What else, my partner used to get really annoyed, he'd try and get my attention. If I was reading a

book you know there's this thing called hyperfocus, so if you're interested in something you just go

right in and you can go in there for hours and you sort of lose time and he would just get so

annoyed, hey, Hayley, Hayley and after the sixth time I'd like oh yeah, you want me? He's just like

he's got used to it now, he's got used to all the ghost teas that I make him. Oh yeah, yeah. So I'd

be like you want a cup of tea? I'd go and make a cup of tea. I was like I thought you said ghost

teas, I was like oh, is that when you leave someone on scene? I was like you just leave them on scene

all the time. Yeah, ghost teas and at any stage I'd forget them, so I'd boil the kettle and I'd

forget it or the bag would go in or the water would go in or I would make the tea and I would

forget the tea to bring it in. Yeah, so we drank a lot of cold teas and I'd just hear this, have you

made me a ghost tea again Hayley? And I'm like oh yeah, God. That must be the process. Good that you

can put a label on that. It's the ADHD. It's not me being a bad person, it's just stuff going on upstairs.

I'm going to go. Another soft area with former guests that we've had, so we've explored people's

early jobs. So Tom Sainsbury I think was an animal wrangler at Auckland Museum. Madeline Sarmie was

a kinder surprise egg at the Auckland Zoo. Research tells me that you were a giant tooth

Oh my god, yes! In a listerine ad? Yes! How did that go down? How did you find that? Did I tell

that story once? That, because I've been a dancer, we used to do heaps of auditions for ads as well,

I joined an agency, whatever and it was always good money to help snowboard. Yeah and I got this

ad as a giant tooth and so you had to get into these giant tooth costumes. Was it a star like a

styrofoam? Or I don't know what it means, a styrofoam would it? I don't know what it was,

might have been actually. And there was two versions, you know you had the dirty teeth

and you had the clean teeth. Which were you? We were both. Oh yeah of course, before and after.

Yes and so the clean teeth and the people who were making the ad were so paranoid about you

getting it dirty and you know you basically had handlers watching that you wouldn't bump into a

wall or something and your face coming out of it too. Quite recognisable. Really happy. I don't,

maybe I'd love to get that ad, I'd love to get it. And you know we're really happy clean teeth

and throwing our arms up with glee whenever the listerine came to hit us. It's like yay listerine!

And then the dirty teeth and we had to get the dirty teeth and they were like covered in pizza

and we had this horrible scene which was like a student's lounge. There was two teeth making

out on the couch. It was, I was shoveling pizza in my mouth and getting it all over me and that

was actually really fun. Yeah, one of the highlights of my career. And there was a barbie commercial

as well. Yes another highlight. Another highlight, yeah. I did three barbie commercials. Did you?

Yes. Were you barbie? Yes. So first... They didn't give you a call up for the movie? No. They didn't

see your work in New Zealand. No well you know, Margot Robbie. Yeah. So I was beach blast barbie

which I can still remember the jingle. Yeah. Beach blast barbie you're the one we're into barbie.

We're into barbie. And that was my line. And we had to try and play... Is that the American accent

on it? Was it a New Zealand ad? It was a New Zealand ad and they'd copied an Australian ad I think

which is weird. Yeah. We had to play beach volleyball and again the producers are so annoyed

because none of us could actually play properly. I mean we're about nine. And so then they had,

we had to pretend and they had to put it in back and post the ball and post. I also got told off

for getting too excited. Oh. You'll get, you know, you go to the back if you get too excited.

I'll say okay, calm down. Yeah that was fun, crimped hair. And then my brother and I, Logan,

he's going to be attacked on this. Yeah good, get after him. We're dance magic barbie. So he was Ken

and I was barbie. I think that's the ad that I've seen. Is that the one where we come together

and we twirl around? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. He was also the milky bucket.

No. Yeah, but he was that, he was the old milky bucket handing the reins over to the new one.

All right. So they had the back of his head and he was going on the shoulder. It's over to you now,

kid. Yeah. Yeah. So okay, this is quite a unique childhood, you know, modelling and starring in

TV ads and it's you and your brother. But how, what's the background to that? Is it your parents

getting you into it? Like how does that work? I would say mum. Mum got us into dancing and then

once you're in the dancing world, the sort of media and entertainment world opens up and you

keep getting, you know, go to auditions with the whole class and then you get an agent and yeah,

it just became part of life, I guess. Did Logan dance as well? Logan did. Logan was made to dance

because I was going, so mum wanted to take him too and also they always needed boys

because not many boys dance. So yeah, he was sort of made to go along and he was actually really

good. He had a natural talent, but he was so embarrassed about it because he was cool. You

know, he liked skateboarding and we weren't allowed to tell his friends that he was a dancer.

Yeah. You had to hold that secret at age, what, 10? Yeah. Really? Yeah. We used to bring it out

sometimes if we were trying to tease him. Yeah. Interesting. How do you reflect on that

childhood now? Because it led you down a path. You were a champion ballroom dancer and it

served you very well, but looking back on that childhood, like was it a fun time?

It was really fun. It was also a lot of pressure. It's really hard to, as a parent,

look back and try and analyse whether it was good or bad because, as you say, it served me so well.

So I'm really thankful for it and I'm glad my mum sort of put this pressure on us and we were

always out. This is probably part of her ADHD too. You know, we were two or three practices a week

plus the class, plus swimming, plus whatever sport we were doing at school, plus, you know,

little drama classes here and there, so it was a lot. And then she, you know,

gave me a stick for not having done my homework and I'm like, when am I meant to do my homework?

I need time to lie on the couch. Yeah. No, it was, I'm appreciated. I'm not sure I would be,

um, put that much pressure on Raven, but I say that now and you also want to teach

your kids commitment because it did teach me commitment. Yeah, because what were the lessons,

I guess, from that child, that the discipline, I guess, that it takes to kind of do all of those

things. Yeah, discipline and committing to something, going along when you say you will,

having a partner added to that because, you know, it was up, you had to go for them too,

you couldn't just not go to class. And it taught me how to turn up when you really didn't want to,

if you're feeling sick or you just were over it or your body hurt a little bit, you had to turn

up. And those were usually the lessons where you would learn something huge or you would get to

a next level because you've pushed through that. So I really appreciate it. Because the boss,

and did it create a career path? Like you're obviously really, really good at it. Was there a

point in those high school years where you thought, shit, maybe this is me, maybe I'm

via professional dancer for the rest of my life? Completely the opposite. The career path for a

professional dancer at that time was you would move overseas to London, pretty much, and then

become a teacher and make it your whole life. So you teach and you would live it and you would

breathe it and you would put all your money into it. And I just, I think when I was 18, I just went,

nope, that's not what, not for me. So it wasn't until my mid, early 20s, mid 20s, when Dancing

with the Stars came along, we're at all like this light bulb moment and it was like, oh, it was all

for something. And so Dancing with the Stars set me on this path. Before we get there, can we just

look back to, like the glamourized, and I use that term loosely, the glamourized version of what the

reality of dancing is like is like bleeding toes. And you talked about like having to front up when

your body was sore. Is that the reality of it? Like you're pushing your body to its absolute

limits in those conditions? Absolutely. They used to say when you were doing five dances, so when

you were in A grade or professional, you did five dances. They used to say it was like doing a marathon.

You'd expend that much energy, plus you'd have to smile. You do have to smile the whole time.

Exactly. So it's kind of a sport. They did, they pushed, and I think it's now called dance sport.

It's a sport in that regard, but I've always thought that it's an art. Yeah. If you have to smile,

to me, that feels like an art. Did you have to practice your smile as well as your like steps

and routine? Not so much practice, but you got told, you know, smile, smile, smile, smile, smile.

And then you'd be, your smile would start shaking because you're holding it so long and it's so fake.

Yeah. I'm going to move through the dancing journey a little bit. So you get sick of dancing,

you get into snowboarding, we'll cover that soon, but then you get back into dancing, dancing with

the stars, then you win Celebrity Treasure Island and that catapults you to strictly over in the

UK. And is that the timeline? I'm not sure the Treasure Island had anything to do with it.

No, that's what Shay told me. I might make some mistakes.

No, I wanted to focus on that. Like, that was such a big deal, right? People don't,

I don't think people really understand what a big production that was. Yeah, we, yeah,

dancing with the stars is our reference point, but strictly in the UK is huge, right?

It's the original, the OG, huge. And I think the reason I got that was they had this very tall

swimmer. My partner was Mark Foster. He's a world champion swimmer. I think he swam

the 100 meters and he was six foot seven. And so they didn't have any dancers in the UK who could

dance with him. So they sort of cast their nets around the world to the other dancing with the

stars. And I was tall enough to get an audition. Yeah. Yes. So I had to fly over to with my Treasure

Island money. So maybe this is where it came from. There we go. Thank you very much. Not

doubt this. Yes. So I had some cash from Treasure Island. So I flew myself over to London for the

audition. I think I was there for three days, flew back and I got the job surprisingly. I always get

the jobs where I think I'm not going to. I don't know whether you're more relaxed or something.

Yeah. And that was, I was a bit out of my depth. It's strictly actually, I was dancing beside

people that I'd grown up watching. These were legends of the ballroom dancing world and,

you know, fraud complex is huge. And I hadn't danced actually since I was 18 years old properly.

So yeah, I felt very scared, but it was an amazing opportunity. And I got to do the cabaret with this

amazing sort of contemporary dance troupe for one of the shows. So that was probably my highlight.

And I met Bette Midler. Did you? Yes. She sang on one of the shows. She is tiny.

Did she go Win Beneath My Wings? Was that the song that she sang?

I can't remember. We'll Google that afterwards. Can I, is ballroom dancing, is that the kind

of thing that you can just keep ticking over in the background, like riding a bike? Like when you

get back on the floor, does everything come back to you? Or do you really have to like focus on

honing the steps? I think when you've done it for so long and from such an early age,

it does come back to you. When I was judging the Dancing With The Stars, when it went to TV3,

I did a dance with Stefano, one of the other judges, a waltz. And it all came back and it was

wonderful and it felt great. But my body was screaming. Honestly, my back went out, my feet

were sore. So your mind is willing. And it's all there. But you know, your body's going to tell

you that you hadn't done it for a while. What was the audience of Strictly? Like how many people

were watching it every night? No, I'm sure you can write that. Millions. I've heard you tell

an anecdote about being on a train and you're going out with Richie McCall at the time. And

you sort of out celebbed him on the back of Strictly. I was sitting at the window. He was

in the aisle seat. And I'm surprised anyone could actually see me, actually, sitting behind him.

And this lady sort of bent over and tapped him on the knee and was like, excuse me. And I was like,

oh, here we go. Is that Haley Holt? And he was just like, yeah, I think I did that. I think I was

like, yes! At the time. In your face. Because this is Pete Richie. Exactly. What's up now?

Why have you got the now arsehole?

The other question we had about dancing is how does it translate to night out dancing?

When you're in the clubs, you know, because you can't be putting it all out there. You've got to

sort of pull it back a little bit. Or can you? I mean, in my opinion, you can't. But people do try

definitely. I used to go out with the dancers after a comp or after a show with Candy and

they would be doing the cha-cha on the nightclub dance floor. And, you know, they were dropping

it like it's hot and they were cutting shapes. Oh, like a fusion. Like a hip hop and ballroom

dancers. Wow. Yeah, nice. It was interesting. And I was, oh my God, hanging in my head and

shamed. Because I still, I was the ballroom dancer, but I still was a snowboarder, skateboarder.

You know, I didn't think that was that cool, to be honest. Yeah, a couple of beers later.

You were? I was right there with them. Yeah, but also a lot of people who see me out, or used to

see me out dancing, were surprised that I was a dancer. Because I was still in the robot all the

time. You know, pretty much. You know, just sitting there like popping my head or whatever.

Yeah, because there's a punter that if you do go out and you see someone on the dance floor that

clearly knows what they're doing, there's always that sort of, oh, who the fuck are they? I know.

Everyone wants to just be out there with their two step and their kind of swinging hands and

backing it up. Yeah. Although there was always a sweet spot when, you know, if you had some really

good music and the beat would drop, you know, I could always get. And there was always that moment

where there'd be about four or five people on the dance floor who sort of were in like this weird

energy, you know, you could sort of tell that they were on the level and you'd be dancing with them,

but not with them, you know, it's so good. Yeah. Yeah, nice. Good memories. Yeah, great memories.

Do you get on the dance floor these days? Yes, I dance a lot at home. Yeah. And I will. I mean,

these days it's harder without, without boots, because you could dance in a way and then all

of a sudden you clock yourself. Yeah. You know, I've been there as well. Yeah. Wedding receptions

weirdly are the kind of place where you're having a great time and then you have this,

like from my experience, you have this moment, you're like, oh shit, I can't actually dance very

well. And I'm out here exposed on the default. No one else gives a shit. No. But you are having

your own like conversation with yourself about how dorky you look. Yeah. I think when you're drunk,

you're sort of world closes in and everything on the outer sort of goes out of focus a little bit

and so it doesn't matter. But when you're not, especially at a wedding, you know, you've got

this floor in the middle of this big wide open room and people are sitting there on the table

just watching and judging and you can tell and you can feel it. But then there's an age where

you don't give a fuck anymore, right? Like over 65s. They're out there. You don't hear what you

look like. Waddle them around. Is that how you dance? Yeah. That's unfair. I'm so glad that

you got up on the dance floor still though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think the other

part to it, the other lens is that you can see the drunk people in the world that they're in on

their own and you go, for me again, personally, I'm like, oh man, that's where I, that's where I,

I'm one beer or like I was there, but then I'm one beer away from really tanking in the situation.

That's the thing, right? Yeah. I mean, it's not that you were there with them. Yeah. It's that you

were, you were like on that level to them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember when I first, I mean,

I've just really, see, I've swung off sideways. Yeah, yeah. I have a tension. Going to my first

party after I gave up drinking. Like a house party? House party. Yeah. And I was like,

where is all the drunk people? Like. Oh, right. Yeah. It's, and everyone meant to be drunk.

And they're like, no, no, this is super normal. And I thought everyone was on my level when you're

drinking, you know, you just come in hot and just be like, yeah, I'm going to rock this party up.

And you just sort of think that everyone's there, but they're not. Your perspective is very different,

very different lens on things. Yeah. I know exactly where you are.

We'll be right back after this short break.

I'm going to chat our path back. So you've, you've left the path. Yeah. I'm the path chatter. So

you've left dancing behind and then you're into snowboarding. And we had Steve Dunstan on the show

a while ago. What a guy Steve Dunstan. He's brilliant. Your name came up. We talked about

the Huffer House of Horrors. I was like, amazing. Hailey Hull. Like, she's got so many strings to

her bow. But what do you remember about Steve and Huffer? Like, were you surprised at what he's

gone on to achieve with Huffer from knowing him from a, from a younger age? Because for context,

they sponsored you, right? Yes. Yeah. Yes. I'm not surprised because he was kind of a trailblazer,

I guess, in that New Zealand snowboarding outerwear. What are you called? Clothing industry.

Clothing industry. Jacketing. Yeah. Jacketing. And he, you know, he was so good and he,

he lived it too. You know, he was doing something he believed in. He loved, he loved snowboarding.

He's still, he's still out there on the mountain. So I'm not surprised. I think he's, he's awesome.

I went, I went to him actually, when I've sort of first thought that I might

be getting quite good at this. And so I sort of took like a CV into Huffer and said, yeah,

do you want to sponsor me? And he gave me an interview and he gave me, yeah, and he

flicked me a few gears at first, you know, and it just grew from there.

So he's definitely my first ever sponsor. So. Amazing. Thank you, Steve. And you were a

professional snowboarder? No, I would sponsor it. I always call myself a sponsored snowboarder.

There weren't any professional snowboarders in New Zealand at that time. And I, even around the

world, maybe the Americans would get paid, but there's no money in New Zealand. You know, so

at that time there was no one getting any money. So you had a side job working in the cafe or

something or like? Yes. So was it a lifestyle? It's a lifestyle. Right. So I would coach a little

bit. I would work on the mountain, whether in the park or when I first started, I'd do lift,

I was a lifty in America. And then, you know, rental shops and waitressing. So just all sorts of

different odd jobs. And then I was also sort of doing dancing work on the side with Candy Lane.

What does, what do you mean dancing work? Yeah, getting a gig. So Candy had the Candy

Lane dancers and they would be, you know, the backup dancers if you ever needed a show for

your corporate event or, you know, anything. Any sort of, anytime you've got a dancer,

Candy Lane was usually there. Right. Yeah. And you get paid for that. So that was good.

Quite a unique combo snowboarder dancer. I can't imagine there's too many of them out there.

No. And I think that's why people were interested. I think that's what made Rick Salizo interested

as well. And I was also a builder. I can't, I can't, yeah. On the tools for your dad?

On the tools for dad. Yeah. Exactly. And I was quite good. Yeah. I was quite good with the drop

saw. I was always, always cutting the wood. Yeah. Yeah. Measure twice cut once, all that stuff.

Yes. Is that the front? Is that the right way? Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. It's quite a contrast because

you've got the ballroom dance and the dancing, which is very feminine, but it seems like the

other parts, the snowboarding, the being fearless, being a builder, being a tomboy,

very masculine. Yeah. You know, you've got quite a well blended youth. I think that was, that sort

of tomboy snowboarder bit hardcore is my personality. The dancing is, it came with just being in

dancing. And I think one of the motivations for mum, when she first started me dancing, was to

try and get some femininity into me. You know, I used to want to wear boys' swim trunks and goes,

you know, swimming with my brother and my cousins, like them. Yeah. So just say, oh man,

you need to, you need to learn how to wear dresses. Yeah. But you have to go to like those,

what are those, it's not Elocution, but we like learn to be a lady. Did you go to those things

as well? I don't know, I'm getting some murky. Where are you going, man? But you know those

ones where like you have a book on your head. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Is it,

is it, do those exist, or do they not exist? They do exist. I think probably in the 50s.

But dancing did that for me. Yeah. Yeah. Actually standing up straight from dancing got me bullied

at Intermediate. Oh really? Yes. There was, when I started at Auckland Normal Intermediate in Form

1, I was walking into my classroom like this probably. And there was a couple of girls over the,

over in the classroom, over the hall, over the hall, over the whatever, the alley. And they just

clocked me and they thought this, we're going to bully her. She's got a stupid pink bag

that she thinks she's so cool. And we're going to bring her down a peg or two. So that was fun.

Is that the ones that shat in your desk? Yes. Oh, good. Oh my God.

Yes. That's an incredible bullying gesture if I do say so myself. I know. And luckily I don't

remember their names because I don't want to defame anybody, but yeah. That's an aggressive move.

It was super aggressive, but it wasn't just me. They trashed the whole classroom. Yeah. So the

shat in your desk. But then, but they shat everywhere. Oh God, this is disgusting. They

shat in their knickers and wiped it all over the blackboard. Oh man. And then, I mean,

they had shit all over my Martin Henderson posters, which I was saving. No, I can't do that to

Martin. Exactly. Can't do that to Martin. Stuart. Stuart. Stuart deserves better.

That was his character. I don't know. Yeah. I've derailed the story. Go back to the shitting

in the knickers and smear it on the blackboard. And I was always late to school. So I turned

up, opened the door into our classroom, and there's like a cleaner in there, just like

completely overwhelmed going, what am I going to do with this? So obviously the classroom had been

moved. And I was like, oh, can you just go into my desk, you know, get a couple of things out? And

he opened the desk and his eyes just went, and then he was like, oh no, we're not allowed to give

anything up. I know. And then I got my stuff back. Book's missing. And there was, I know,

a little piece of shit on one of my exercise books. Did you jura seal the covers? Because you

could have just wiped that right off. That was the beauty of jura seal back then. Shitting in

your knickers is such an own goal. Like, there's got to be better ways of going about that. That

seems so, oh no, 12 year olds. Come on. Yeah. Definitely just shit on the top of a panel

then or something like that. But actually, I'm kind of impressed. Yeah. I mean, that's really

going all in. Yeah, at 12. Yeah, it's committed. Yeah, you're all, you are all in. It doesn't

get more all in than wiping your shit over our classroom. How do they get in there? Exactly.

It's impressive. It's brave. Yeah. And what are the, what do they think the outcome was going to be?

I don't know, but they got expelled. Oh yeah, and so they bloody should. Bullies, man.

Shit's mirroring bullies. No, they got, they got there just as it. That took a detour.

Let me get, let me get us out of shit down. You mentioned his name. I want to talk about

Rick Salizo because crowd goes wild. Man, I think you joined in 2009. I watched it all the time.

Those three years, 2009, 10, 11, I think, like it was such a good show. It's still as now, but

that cast of characters you had then was sort of iconic. But Rick in particular,

what was your relationship with him? How did he get in contact with you and what were your first

impressions? He, he got in contact with me and when I was living down in Wanaka, I think he

wanted a couple of snowboarding stories. He'd seen me on Dancing with the Stars. He'd seen me on

Treasurer Island, which actually I think helped me here in the New Zealand media. And just wanted

me to do a couple of, you know, casual stories for crowd goes wild. And then when I came back to

live in Auckland, I got in touch with him and I basically said, give me a job. And Rick being

Rick said, okay, you start at 10 o'clock on Monday. I'll see you at my desk in my office. So

he's just a legend. I would see him not like a dad because he's more of that, you know, that,

that uncle who just really looks out for you. You can have fun with him. He lets you be who you

are, but he's going to have your back no matter what. He's so loyal. He used to come in and sort

of throw his weight around the office and people would get a bit annoyed, but I just thought he

can. You know, this is his show. He can do whatever he likes. I, I am thankful for him for taking me

through that, you know, when I was at crowded, it was eight years. I went downhill quite fast

with my drinking whilst I was there. And then I gave up when I was still there. And he supported me

through all of that too. So yeah, I, he's got a special place in my heart, old Rick Selector.

He's an amazing guy. He's done so much for New Zealand. He's attainment. He's the one gets,

because we did a pod and he was over in the States and he kind of got cut short a little bit. He's

the one guy that I'd love to do a second recording with in the studio, because I feel like we

only scratched the surface. There's so much to talk about with Rick. He had so many stories,

because he was at TVNZ, I think when he first left broadcasting school. And then, you know,

he was with the All Blacks. He's got so many good stories. And he was with the All Blacks when they

were fun. You know, they used to go out and have a lot of fun. And so there's some stories there.

Yeah. And you kind of, I'm not sure of the timelines, right, but you kind of got thrown

in the deep end. Like you were presenting, it seemed like you were presenting with Mulligan,

or McConey, or Richardson quite early on in your stint. And from research, it surprised me that

you weren't actually that into sport. Is that accurate? That you kind of had the sport hosting

job, but you didn't really... We're not meant to talk about that. Oh, I love sport. I love it.

Oh, I'm a sport nerd. Yeah. And that was the whole point, is I knew alternative sports.

So I was into snowboarding and skateboarding and surfing and motorsport and, you know,

things that I thought were fun, but not rugby. We used to call rugby egg ball. And

I think I would watch a game, but, you know, watch... I drink whilst everyone was watching the game.

But Rick used that as a strength. So he thought that I could go out and, you know,

ask the questions that other people might be too embarrassed to ask, or just wouldn't think of asking,

because there are two in it. And I got some great interviews. I remember one of my first interview

was when Simon Mannering first became captain of the Warriors, and we were doing a big stand-up.

And I think I asked him, you know, what did his mum think? And he just, you know, got some tears in

his eyes and got a really honest, sort of authentic answer. So I could ask those stupid questions

and get some humanity from some of these sports players. Yeah. You definitely had that appeal

and very different, but kind of similar to Leigh Harden Sports Cafe. It's like he's appealing

to the people that aren't really into sport. They're just there for something different or

a different or... Yeah. But I think everybody's into sport. They're into the fun of it. They're

into the fandom of it. They're into the fact that you can sort of get your tribe. But people don't

really want to break down, you know, the set plays or stats so much, you know? I mean, sports fun.

And I think everyone in New Zealand loves sport of some kind. So we could just sort of get that

everyday New Zealander to come along as well. Rick would also set me up. The very first cold call

I had to do was to Buck Shelford. He gave me his number and said, call him. And we're doing a story

on coloured boots. And I want you to ask him, you know, what he thinks of these flash new coloured

boots. So I had to ring up Buck. You knew who Buck Shelford was? I knew who he was. Yeah,

because my dad used to, my dad loves sport, you know, everyone's dad loves sport. So

he was kind of my era when I was a kid, still watching it with dad. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like the

hardest man in rugby. What do you think about pink shoes? It was us. Pretty much. But he was good.

I think Rick may have given him a heads up because he said yes. And then I went and didn't.

We'll be right back after this short break.

To be with him. So while your castmates have been quite closed from CGW, we had an episode

with Josh Cronfeld and he told a ripping yarn, excuse the pun, about when he tore a scrotum

on a on a shoot. Do you have any, obviously not scrotum, tales to tell, but any like from

from your time in the field or any great yarns from that CGW eight years? Oh man, I mean, we had

so much fun. Most of the fun was in the office actually talking about the stories. But I remember

making Josh look quite stupid on one of those electric surfboard things in a lake because he

was a surfer. Yeah. You know, I think he fancied himself, but he was a big guy. So

yeah, I made him look silly because I could do it and he couldn't. I don't know.

Hmm. Most of the great stories I was sort of hung over. You know, when you're in that sort of

really funny, I used to call it plastic brain type sort of vibe and I'd come out with something

really great. I think I was encouraged on the like on the show in the production. Like did

did Rick or anybody know that they got the best stuff out of you when you were in that sweet spot?

It wasn't encouraged, but it was accepted. Rick's rule was you can do whatever you like

as long as you turn up for work. So it doesn't matter what state you're in, but as long as you

turn up. Yeah. Did you always adhere to that rule? No, I did not. I mean, I remember setting up this

story that I was quite excited about with some horse riders of some court. I'm going to, I think

it was Polo players and they got all of their horses. Oh my God. I'm so ashamed. They got all

of their horses to the spot, you know, and they were waiting there and they had to ring up the

office and say, you know, where's Haley? Basically, we've all taken a day off work and got our horses

here and she's not here and they couldn't wake me up. So that was, that was terrible. God. Yeah,

not good. And I want to, I know these things aren't always comfortable to talk about as well. So

I think it's important to frame it as having come out the other side as well, because I think

there's people that are probably listening to this that are maybe in that situation now. So it's

important for us to kind of contextualize it as well. It's not us picking holes in the bits that

you did and those sorts of things as well. But yeah, it's amazing that you were, I guess, functioning

knowing that behind the scenes there was a real battle maybe going on in your own life.

Yeah. And at the time it wasn't a battle. You know, I was loving it. I was having a really,

really good time. But it was just starting to get harder and harder to get to work. So I was

having, you know, a moment where I didn't turn up for work. I had that time in Las Vegas where I

didn't go to the sevens, which is why we were there. And so when those things started happening,

I sort of started thinking, yeah, maybe my friends and my family and everyone who knows

me is right about my drinking. Yeah. I don't know. It took a long time and it took a lot

of those experiences before I decided to do something about it. And it wasn't until I had

loved ones going through the same thing that I could see it that I thought, okay, well, maybe I

can, maybe if I do it, then they can see that it can be done as well. And then I had a really good

friend who went into AA and they say AA is a disease because it's really catching. It's a

catching disease. You sort of see people that you love go into it and their life change and how

good it is for them that you decide you want that for yourself. Was that the moment for you

when you saw the benefits that that had on that person? Absolutely. And also my drinking buddy

had gone because her and I were, we had a rip roaring time. It was such a laugh.

Our friends didn't like it so much, you know? And so she, I think, you know, it's that catching

disease. She started dating somebody who was in AA and he took her along after a couple of accidents

and then I followed because I was lonely. At that stage, you know, she was sort of the last resort.

When you look back at your whole journey with alcohol, like, because you started quite early,

right? It was the 14 and having beers and stuff and it was kind of normalized. Like,

do you feel like that led to it sticking around for a longer time?

Yes, I think so. I mean, my family were that typical Kiwi sort of middle class family and

they'd have big parties and, you know, they'd all be drinking beers and everyone was having a rip

roaring time. And so I saw that drinking was fun. And then being, I think it's the ADHD rather than

being, I used to say I was introverted, but I think it's actually the ADHD when I'm in big groups,

I get overwhelmed. So I sort of shut down a little bit. Drinking helped me shut that part of my brain

off. And so then I wouldn't worry, I wouldn't be self conscious. And so at the time, it actually

worked for a while. You know, it was actually a really good tool to have a social life.

And yeah, I had a lot of fun. It was good. And people, when you're young and you're in that sort

of snowboarding, skateboarding scene, telling the stories the next day was all part of it, you

know? And if you are the one out there sort of, you know, making a bit of a fool of yourself or

giving them something to talk about, then you're kind of a hero.

Yeah. Have you got those hero, hero stories in your friend group of kind of your feats of

achievements while you've been drinking? I mean, yeah, but when I first gave up drinking,

I thought I would write a really good story about those stories. But when you look back on them after

some time, they're not as funny as you thought they were at the time. But yeah, I mean, there was

there were some legendary nights, that's for sure. My friend, girlfriend and I would use to

wrestle for some reason. Okay. We'd be at like a really nice dinner party and all of a sudden

we're wrestling on the ground. I've got their son skateboard and I'm trying to do Oli's on the

deck and waking up mum downstairs or something or jump. I said love jumping off things.

Yeah. Yeah. You're a really good face for where you're at now because your story is,

no, but they were good times. Like I had a lot of fun with it as well. It serves me a lot better

now not doing it. But that is kind of, I think that's everyone's journey with alcohol. Like,

no, the good times are good, but it's the what expense bad times. And was there a rock bottom?

Like was there a moment that led to you going like clean off the booze? There was a moment,

but I wouldn't call it my rock bottom. I probably had quite a few rock bottoms,

but you know, just wake up and find your car and get on with life. This one was, I had a cousin who

was also she had her own drinking sort of issue. And she'd been told by the doctor she needed to

give herself two months off because she was getting sick with it. And I remember being at my uncle's

birthday party and just go, Oh, come on, you can have one, you know, I want my drinking buddy.

And rubber arm, old rubber arm over there, you know, had a few beers and then you have a few

beers and then you have a lot. And then the next morning she was awfully sick, like so sick,

because your body just couldn't take it. And I felt so bad. I felt bad as well because I was

hungover, but I just felt like I'd done that to her just by selfishly wanting someone to have

a good time with. And that's when I said that I've got to do something. I'm going to take

this two months off that her doctor had told her that she needed and I'll do it with her.

I think in the back of my mind, I knew it was something bigger because my friend had already

been to AA, but I didn't tell myself that because I didn't want to scare myself off.

And so I went home, picked up a six pack, sat on the deck. I was on a Sunday and drank my last beers,

quite sort of maudlin like, you know, I was sitting there on the deck and oh,

I'm such a bad person. And then I woke up and

stopped drinking for two months. And then at the end of that two months, I was like, oh God,

this is so much better and I've got a problem. And so I went to AA.

When did you announce it to people? Did you wait for the two months? Did you wait for you to have

actually done a bit of it before telling anyone? Definitely. Because I'm kind of a bit of,

you know, that awkward personality when someone wants you to do something. I don't want to do it.

Oh, you and me are the same person. Yeah. Yeah. You are the same person.

I know. Isn't it annoying? It's like you want to do something. And then as soon as someone goes,

oh, that's great. You should. I'm not going to do it. You should continue. And you're like, oh no.

I'm not going to do it. You ruined it. Yeah. So I did wait. And then I went to AA and then I

told my parents that I was going to AA and they were like, what? But you know, you're not an

alcoholic because in their mind, an alcoholic was basically a hobo, you know, someone who was

smelly and didn't go to work, who everyone knew was an alcoholic. So it took them a while to come

on board, but it was honestly the best thing that ever happened to my mother was me giving up drink.

Because it's hard enough to, I guess, go through that journey just as a civilian,

but you've got a public profile as well. So at what point did you decide to go public public

with it and actually make it a topic of conversation in media circles? It might have been about a year

and I wanted to make sure that this was going to last, of course. And, you know,

got a lot of life to live. But I think I did an interview with Canvas. And they spoke about

the not drinking and I sort of just told them about how good it was and how hard it was.

Yeah. And I felt quite sure of it at that stage. So I was happy to sort of go out on a limb because

you do hear people who give up drinking and then they fall back off the wagon and

didn't think it was going to happen. Does it get tiresome? I understand the irony of asking this,

but every long form interview or sort of profile done on you sort of talks about

your journey with alcohol? Or is it, you see it as a good thing to help others?

I see it as a good thing and it is my journey, too. I mean, I couldn't really tell the story

of my life without telling the story of alcohol because it was such a big part of who I was.

When I was drinking, it was who I was. You know, I was the lad girl, you know, who could...

I couldn't really drink that well, but I would drink that well, you know?

Yeah. So it's a big part of my life. And as I said earlier, you know, I don't regret it.

I probably regret how long I did it for. But I mean, there were some good times that came with it.

Yeah. I want to talk about motherhood soon, but before we do, I just wanted to link back to

CG dub because that group of characters you had there, Rick said like how incredibly talented

they were. And I sort of want to talk about the dynamic like Mark Richardson and Andrew Mulligan

and James McConie and yourself like have all gone on to have such great career. And I mean,

some of them were already in the middle of great careers. But did you realize like what you had

there at the time? I did. I loved it. I definitely call it the glory years. Such a cool team. And

they were all such individuals. Nobody was trying to be anybody else. Nobody was trying to outdo

anybody else. They were all just who they were. And their characters were the characters that you

see on the tally. So Mark would come in. He wouldn't even really say hi to anybody, you know? And he

would walk down on it, sit in this corner and put his headphones on. You're like, hey, Mark. Okay.

And then you'd be having your conversations and having a laugh. And then all of a sudden you'd

hear some really funny, but you know, quite cutting remark come out of the corner and be like,

oh, Mark is listening. Yeah. Yeah. He was there, but he wasn't really there. Yeah. Yeah. I respect

him. He's actually got a huge heart. Old Mark Richardson. Yeah, we did a pod with him. And

same, like came away really liking him. Like, he doesn't care what anyone else thinks. He just

is his own man, but like such a likable guy when you actually sit down and talk. It's one of our

most popular episodes ever, I think as well. Yeah. Yeah, people love Mark. He is great. And I always,

I still carry this as a lesson from him. He wrote that book thinking negatively. Yeah.

People just thought it was, you know, him having a laugh at the time, but it's so true.

When I, I took that and I started not expecting much from people. And then when they do, you know,

come to you with, you know, they sort of exceed your expectations, you're so happy and joyous

with what they've given you. And so it really helps to make you a happier person if you don't

expect anything. Did you bring that mindset into this episode? No. I mean, it's harder to live than

do, you know. And then Miles is just the consummate professional sort of holding the place together.

And then you've got Maconi, who is just absolutely brilliant. Like,

he actually is a genius. He MCed or was keynote at one of these boys' high things and did like a

Q&A and a speech. And I was like, mate, I don't know if there's anyone better at that sort of

thing. Like he's got such genius there, right? He is a genius. And what people don't realise

about Maconi is he puts a lot of effort into his work. So it looks like it's just off the cuff in

that, you know, he's just turning up and having a laugh. But he really puts a lot of thought into

his jokes, into his stories. I mean, if there was any great story or a song written, you know, for

Wales, say, he'd be behind it because he's definitely a comic genius. I mean, he is also who

you see on air. So it's hard for him to focus and get that drive forward.

Yeah. But I still, I mean, I was texting him last night. We still like to text each other and have

a gas bag. Oh, good. Yeah. It's a shame you didn't come to the party with any Hailey Holt info either.

I know. Honestly, he would have had some good stuff. He did. I think maybe that's why he did.

Yeah, I think, yeah. And that's a testament to you as well, I guess, for their care, their duty

of care for you as a person that they're like, actually, we know too much. Yeah, we'll keep these

ones. If she wants to share, she can, but it's not our story to tell. Yeah. I mean, I definitely,

I think the Christmas parties were always legendary. And it was always like,

you get to see Hailey at her best. Right. And if anyone new joined the team, you know, it was

always about like, oh, my God, we've got a Christmas party coming up. And so actually,

they were quite disappointed when I gave up drinking just purely for the Christmas party

shenanigans. But I remember one of them, Andrew Mulligan was destroyed. I mean, he tried to keep

up. Oh, really? He did. Yeah, nice. And he ended up sleeping on a bean bag in my flat. You know,

I was living in a flat with some other girls. I think he woke up the next morning, went home and

got about like $100 worth of McDonald's on the way home. And yeah, he always would warn people,

don't try and drink with Hailey. So the profile is sort of getting bigger and bigger as you're

doing your thing at crowd. And then what TVNZ come in for a bid to take your way and take

you on as breakfast? Is that how it worked out? Yeah. And I think the giving up drinking

sort of led to the expansion of my career possibilities. I think, I mean, it was even

getting kind of tough for Rick, you know, towards the end there. He had to sort of mop up quite

a few messes. Was it well known within the industry? Yes. When I went to Sochi, the Olympics,

that was with Sky. So Krago's Wild were kind of like this unit within Sky. And so I went with

Sky with their sports team. And I had to have quite a few meetings beforehand with

the head of sport at Sky. You know, you cannot drink and you cannot mess up.

You know, this is a test, basically. And we're taking a huge risk here. So don't let us down.

And then I went to Russia and I got sent up the mountain so that I wasn't with everybody too.

The temptation wasn't there. But the snowboarding competition ended. And I knew everybody. So

I did go out one day and I went to this huge super club. And there was people everywhere.

I had a great time. I can't remember how I got home. But I did wake up

to go to work. And I couldn't find my passport. None of those special wallets that you tie around

your fanny pack. Yeah. But it was one that goes inside your clothes. That wasn't there.

And so I spent the whole day just like gritting my teeth through work. I couldn't eat. Couldn't

have my wallet. But I didn't want to tell anybody what had happened. And I was freaking out. I

thought I might have lost my passport in Russia. But I went to the super club and it was just there.

Then, oh, yes, right here. And freeze. Oh my God. And so I didn't drink after that. I was like,

oh my God, that was God telling me this is what's going to happen.

We'll be right back after this short break.

And so the reputation was intact. And then TVNZ come in for you.

Yes. So the reputation was intact. But no, but then I gave up drinking.

Yes.

Well, so I was at crowd. So that helped. And then I got approached by the Greens. I think in that

same Canvas article, I had said that I'd gone back to university part-time to do a couple of papers

and that I was really interested in politics. And I can't remember that. Ellen, the writer,

at the end of the article, he said, if I were the Green Party, I would get in touch with Haley Holt.

I read that last night.

Ellen Parrot.

I read that article last night.

Yes.

Ellen Parrot.

Yeah. And he was cool. We sat down and had a great coffee and chat. And so they did.

And they did?

Yeah. Because of that article.

Yeah, really. So how does that work? Does James Shaw just email you?

Yes. Well, not him as such, but his PA emailed me, who actually is Tori Fano, who now is the

mayor of Wellington. She is so cool and very good at her job. So I love seeing her.

She's getting a big beat up in the media, though, too. That's unfair.

Anyway, James Shaw and Materia Ture asked if I'd like to go and have lunch with them.

And I was like, yes, absolutely. So we went, I think we went to Bird on a Wire in Ponsonby and

we sat down and it was them, you know, a few aides, et cetera. And at the end of the lunch,

they said, you know, we think we'd like you to run as a candidate. What are you thinking?

I was like, oh, my God. Inside going, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Sounds, this is great.

Because I love new challenges and, you know, I did love politics and I've always voted for

the Greens. And I thought that this was going to be my next step. And yes, it was great. And so

from there, I had to get a job at the Greens office. You know, I had to sort of do some legwork.

And I had to join the West Auckland Green. Whatever they are.

Thank you. Brat. It's a Brat. It's a political term.

The West Auckland Green Brat. And, you know, just become basically a really active member

and then run as a candidate. And you scared the shit out of John Key, eh?

Yeah, yeah. He definitely stepped out. Could not handle that.

You see me coming. So what happened there? So I announced that I was going to run

as a candidate for the Greens. Pretty early. I can't remember what day of the week it was.

Doesn't matter. And then I was getting all of these calls from, you know, the New Zealand

Herald and stuff. And they're like, this is huge news. And then all of a sudden my phone went quiet.

And then I'd read online that John Key had announced he was stepping down as...

Oh, were you in the same electorate? Yes. Oh, shit.

Yes. I wanted to run up because I thought, you know, I'm a show pony.

I thought, that'll be great. That'll get some good clicks.

Not take him down because you're not going to take John Key down. You know, he's too good.

But I thought it would get, you know, some interest. And that's what I sort of

thought my role was at the Greens was getting interested in media attention.

And yeah, he announced he was stepping down as, you know, from politics completely.

So it sort of ruined my whole plan.

And then so how long did you last before you got into the TV gig?

Um, so I did the campaign, didn't get in. And then I went back to Crowd,

goes wild for a while. And then at the end of that year at Christmas,

I got a call from Graham Muir at TVNZ saying that we want you to come and audition for a

really big show. And I was like, I can't because I'm going back to university full time next year.

And he was like, you got to want to do this. And I was like, I don't know.

I don't know. I'm pretty keen on going back to uni.

Uh, he was like, okay, God, I'll tell you it's breakfast. And I was like, oh, my God.

Okay, sure. I'll come in.

Did you think it was like a, just another, not just another show, but like a

reality show or a hosting, something DIY homes? Yeah.

Pretty much. Yeah.

The farmer wants an MP. Breakfast is essentially the biggest gig in New Zealand television.

It's, I think news is, is like the pinnacle. That's what, that's what reporters want.

Oh yeah. Okay.

News. And then, you know, we've got Sunday and stuff, but breakfast is the most watched

because it goes for three hours. So you get so many different eyes on you.

And it's a really good entree into TVNZ.

And yeah, so it was huge. And so that was one of the auditions that I went to thinking there's no

way I'm going to get it. And so I must have been quite relaxed. I think I was giving Jack some

stick and yeah, they called me up and said, you've got the job. And I was like, oh my God.

And I rang my brother and I said, you would not believe this. I've got a job on breakfast.

He said, you've got to be on the real telly.

Yeah. Well, that was going to be in my notes because it's quite a stark transition from

light sports entertainment to breakfast TV. Yeah, huge.

But are the mechanics of it still the same?

Like, did you feel like you needed to be a different person than you were on crowd?

I felt like I needed to be. Right.

But the managers and the exec wanted me to be who I was on crowd.

So there was that sort of awkward time when I first started and I was trying to be some kind

of reporter and, you know, really know my stuff and do some hard hitting interviews.

And I got a call up stairs to the CEO of TVNZ and they're like, are you okay?

Because I was obviously really stressed out and I was freaked out.

And I just thought everyone hated me. And, you know, I was a square pig in a round hole and

they were like, we just want you to be you. And that's why we got, you know, if we wanted a reporter

or, you know, we have a lot of them here. So.

Yeah. And so that was good. It gave me, it helped me relax into it and be myself and say the random

things that Manny said that he liked. How much those early hours fuck you up?

Oh my God. Oh my God. You go mental. You literally go insane. It's like being hung over and jet lagged

constantly. So you're sort of living, it feels like you've got a sound in your head.

You know, you're living in this world where you never feel okay. And it's, it hurts to think.

And you also get there at four in the morning. By 10 o'clock you are done. You have expended

all of your energy. And yeah, it's, it wrecks you. I kind of feel like it was a really good

training for having a newborn because that felt easy. It was like, this is great. I can stay up

watching, you know, Netflix while I'm feeding a newborn. Is that why the bonds are so tight

between that breakfast crew? Because it is such an unnatural time to be fully active and fully

engaged? I think so. And also, it's such a cool show too. You know, it's family, it's fun, but

you're also talking to politicians. So you're getting all of the news. You're getting a real

insight into New Zealand. You're, you know, going out into the field. It's just, it's the best show

I've ever done. Like I really, really miss it, actually. But if the hours are just

destroying. And you're surrounded by some of the greatest minds in journalism, right? John,

working with John Campbell every day. John Campbell. I couldn't believe it. And he's great.

And he's got a dirty mouth. Yeah, we heard that. He swears a lot. Yeah. Every second word when he's

not on camera, we've heard. Is that true? Yeah. It's amazing. And he's loud and he goes, you know,

walking through the newsroom and he's, oh, you're wonderful. He's just like, really? Yeah. He's

got such a big heart. And it was, it was amazing getting to know him, actually. He'd be a great

podcast guest. You need to get him. We've reached out. We've reached out. Oh, have we? Yeah. Okay.

You still got him on speed dial? You still texting him? Like you text Maconi? I can see him.

He sits over. Yeah. The newsroom is open. Okay. So I can go over. Yeah, let him know.

Let him know we're looking for him. I will. That might make a nice transition into your

motherhood journey. And this podcast, it's more males, but there is an increasing number of females.

But it's often discussions like this, which perhaps, I don't know, bring it, bring it to an

awareness of minds that haven't heard it before. So it's discussing difficult topics like miscarriage

and motherhood and what your story. But I've heard you talk about, again, a bit like alcohol,

the reason for doing it, and it's to help people out. And it's that, you know, lots of people,

like so many people going through the same thing. So I was wondering if you could take it to the

start. The reason it's good to see is because of the support you had in breakfast and the

emotional farewell and everyone was kind of on this journey together. But could you take us back

to the start of your journey to being a mum? Sure. So I was, I think it was after breakfast

on a Friday night, Friday afternoon, God's not night. It would have been the middle of the day.

And I was feeling really, really sorry for myself because I think I'd been on another day. I mean,

I actually met some great people. And I don't think I've ever met a horrible person that I've

been on a date with. But, you know, I was just really... Were you using the apps?

I tried for a week. It was terrifying. I missed that window.

Terrifying. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean, people can like start getting

scary just on text, can't they? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. No, I'd delete that.

What a time to go in for an outreach for that.

Yeah. No, but I, you know, friends would set you up. And

friends would always set you up with people they wanted to date, but they couldn't because they

were married. And, you know, I don't think people actually got you. Or mums, bless them, would set

you up with a really nice boy, you know. Was it one of those ones that you were talking about before

where, when people say, this will be really good for you, you go, oh, no, that's, I'm okay there.

I'm not interested in that. Is that kind of how that was? Yeah. Actually, there was a...

I feel really sorry for this person. I hope he's not listening. But

mum wanted me to go on a date with one of her good friends, daughter's really good friend.

Because, you know, apparently he was such a good guy. And because they were doing it, and I was so

annoyed by the stage, you know, I said to her, I told you, mum, don't set me up on dates. You

don't know who I like. And she continued doing it. So I just didn't, I ignored his calls. And mum

was like, you're giving me a really bad name. My friend keeps calling me saying your daughter's,

you know, really mean. And I'm like, this, this, I told you, this is, this is to teach you. Yeah.

Stop doing it. Yeah. So I never met that person. But I was, I met some lovely people, but just,

I was depressed that I would never meet the person I actually wanted to be with. And

my friend Josh came over when I was in this mood. And I was, he was like, what's wrong with you?

You seem really unfun today. And I just said, you know, I'm, I'm 40 or nearing 40. I think I was 39.

I'm trying to meet somebody because actually I just want a baby and I don't even care about

meeting somebody or having a relationship. But I feel like you have to and I just feel stuck.

And I think any woman who gets to that age who does want a family who is single will go through

that. I mean, it's a really horrible place to be in because you're sort of trying to force something.

And Josh went away and thought about that. And the next time he came over, he was like, you know,

I've always wanted to be a young dad and I can help you out if you wanted to just have a baby.

And so we went on a weird date, which was kind of like a precursor to anyway, let's not go into

a date. I was going to ask a supplementary. That must be an interesting dynamic knowing

the end destination of where that interaction is going to lead up to. Yes.

It's sort of like having a challenging topic to talk about on a podcast. You don't know for sure.

You just got to sort of hold the course. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It was weird, but we're both

quite odd. And we both kind of revel in uncomfortable situations. So now we stuck with it.

I think we went and had some carver. Oh, really? Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Are you into the carver?

I mean, I'm not into it as such, but I will have some. Yeah, cool. Yeah. Down at the place at

Newmarket? Yeah. Oh, no. In Victoria Park. You stay out of this, bro. You stay out and let us have

D-Railer. At Victoria Park. Yeah. I've never been there, but I follow them on Insta. I'd like to go

down there. You should go down. That's great. I will do. Yeah. You stay out of this, bro. Just

let us do this. We won't tell their story back. Last D-Railing. So we went there. Then we went to

the club that's on the rooftop there. They were having a salsa class type thing. So we did some

salsa. And then we went back home and, you know... No. What are you saying, Hayley? Magic happened.

Anyway. Yeah. Very good. And actually, I think it was magic because I didn't hear from Josh for

like three months after that. And I don't know. He obviously was like, what am I doing? I think

maybe he's scared himself. And I didn't really think about it either because, you know, you're

not going to get pregnant after one go. And I got pregnant after one go. I hadn't even timed it.

I mean, this wasn't really thought out. Is that carver, eh? I've had four kids that way.

Exactly. Exactly. Whoops. Yeah. And so I think when I found out,

my mum and I were planning to go to Egypt.

She came over for a planning session and I was like, I've got a little something to tell you.

I might put a bit of a spanner in the works. I'm pregnant. And she just went,

and her eyes lit up and she was so happy for me. She goes, does that mean we might not have to?

Not have to. She really wanted to go to Egypt. We might not go. So she was disappointed,

but she was so happy. And then she said, who's the father? I'm like, you don't know. Don't worry

about it. So that was confusing for her too. Because, you know, no one had any idea what was

going on here. And so then I was trying to call Josh. He was being very evasive.

As he can be. Yeah. And so finally, I think just before we went to Egypt, I was about three months

pregnant and I was like, I really need to talk to you. You know, I couldn't get more obvious than

that. And he was on the roof with his partner and he was like, oh man, I think I'm a dad.

Oh, God. So anyway, we met. I was like, let's make this super easy. We'll meet in the park,

Victoria Park. We both lived close to that. And we sat on the grass and I just told him.

And he was like, you could tell he was really happy. He was like, this is cool. And I was like,

I don't expect anything from you. But I would love you to be in the child's life because,

you know, it's about the child now. And he was cool. He was like, yeah, cool. Don't expect me

to be at every birthday party though. And I was like, okay, fine. Whatever you want. That is cool.

And so from there, I had it in my head that we needed to be best friends. Because if we were

going to co-parent, and I know that it's really good for kids to have both their parents in their

lives that, you know, if we were on was the most important thing and not to have a relationship

because that would muck it up. And so we started, you know, going to the beach and we started hanging

out and going out for dinner and meeting each other's friends and family. And we both started

quite like each other. And it was quite an awkward, it's quite awkward because we were both sort of

trying to not let anything happen. But it just sort of happened. So it kind of happened naturally

in a weird way, but backwards. And yeah, and then I went down to Topor and we were dating at the

stage. And I went to meet his dad and his sister. And his dad, I think his whole family had been

giving him a lot of shit about, you've got to make this happen, you know, you've got to step up and

be the man. And he's like, just leave, he's like us. Leave me alone. Don't tell me to do anything.

And I was too. I'm like, well, back off. But they were like straight away. So you guys have decided

to do this. And we were like, oh my God, maybe who knows, we'll see where it goes. And then lockdown

happened as we were driving back from Topor, you're hearing it on the news, you know, that COVID had

entered the country and we were going to head into a lockdown. And I was living with my parents and

walk with at the time. And we had to make these big decisions like, where are we going to have

lockdown and what was my brother and his fiance going to do. And we decided that Josh probably

would just spend lockdown, you know, in his flat. And I rang him on the morning that the

country was going to shut down. And I said, I'm really sad. I've been really enjoying getting

to know you. And how would you feel about coming up and spending lockdown with my parents who

he'd never met my dad. And he's brave. He's a brave boy. And he was like, cool, sure, whatever

you want. And so I went and picked him up. And we came in the back door of the barn. And the first

thing that mom did was like, take all your clothes off. Get in the shower. And Josh is like, what?

Because he's from quite a, he was brought up Christian. So this would never happen at his house.

And she said, get in the shower, both of you. And she put our clothes in the washing machine. And

then only then after he'd had a shower with my, with his daughter, did he meet my dad.

In his house. In his house. Yes. So that was interesting. And he fit in

so well. I mean, I think he was quite surprised at how cool my parents are. They're pretty laid

back. My dad's just really honorable and just likes to work. And he's so open minded. And he's

just calm and lovely. And my mum is like, quite like Josh. And they were like, two kids, like

I'd wake up and I'd hear them both shooting flies with their salt guns in the morning. And, you

know, we had a great time. Lockdown was brilliant. And then obviously during lockdown, we sort of

found out that things weren't going so well with Frankie. So it was brilliant and beautiful. And

Josh and I were falling in love, but also it was sort of tinged with this sort of fear and uncertainty.

And then ultimately, you know, terrible sadness over losing Frankie, who we were both

so excited about at this stage. And that was, it was awful, but it was just such an amazing way

to see what kind of man Josh was. And he just really looked after me. He was so nice. In fact,

actually, a few months down the track, I had to say, you've got to stop being so nice to me.

Because, you know, you could tell that he was really trying to look after me, which was amazing.

Yeah. And so we lost Frankie. And it was heartbreaking. And it was the worst thing that

you can go through. It's not the worst, but it's one of the terrible things that can happen to

you in life. And I remember when he had died and I was still pregnant, and Josh and I were both

very quiet. But in it, like, we could both tell it was something else. And so I sort of said to him,

I was like, I'm actually one of the pieces of sadness in this is that, you know, is this the

end of us now? Because, you know, I think I've fallen in love with you. And I feel like you're,

you know, we may as well go now. If that's what, you know, that's if that's what you're thinking.

And he said the same thing. And he said, you know, one of one of the reasons I'm really sad is that

I want us to stay together. And so that was the beautiful thing that came out of that was

we realized that we loved each other. And then, oh, man, a few months afterwards, we're like, do we?

But yeah, that was the whole country was on that ride with you. It was tough. My wife is a bond

as a big fan of yours. And I remember when that message came that you had miscarried,

like the sort of announcement or have it was like it hurt a lot of people. They were there

with you in it. Did you get just this overwhelming feeling of support from people?

Yes. And I think that speaks to how how much of a family breakfast and, you know,

its audience and how sort of a part of New Zealand that you become is that people were,

they were so happy for me. And, you know, I made the announcement on breakfast and

people were it was almost like everyone was my family, you know, people. And it really,

it made me feel so supported and so cared for.

Like weird thing to say, but what an amazing experience to get to go through in a way,

to be able to experience that love from, you know, from a country. It was

quite overwhelming in a beautiful way. Like, yeah, I just

I was really, really thankful to have all of those people. And then

every single person that you know came to me with a story. The mum or the auntie or the sister or

their partner or them had lost a baby or had, you know, miscarriage or stillbirth or whatever it was.

It's everywhere. And we don't talk about it. And I know that if I had thought that that was

a possibility, I would have would have been easier. You know, it's like, it's almost like

they trick you into getting pregnant because it's quite hard. Once you're pregnant, then it's scary,

which you'll probably know. Yeah. So I, and every story and every person that came and shared

their experience with me helped. And so I sort of thought that that maybe I could start sharing

my story publicly. And that might help people to realise that they're not so alone, that it's not

just them. It didn't happen to them. They're not bad. Just something that happens.

I can't imagine the difficulty between losing a child and then the decision, the scary decision

to start trying again. So you obviously gone through this gauntlet of emotions and then telling

people and then you're getting support. And then you decide that you're going back in again.

Yes. Definitely terrifying. So after Frankie, this is quite, this is a story. This is quite

funny. We were, because Josh is a big golfer. And so we lived on a farm. My dad lived on a farm.

And so he'd spent a lot of lockdown hitting golf balls into one of the paddocks and going to

pick them up. And during, during all the doctors visits, I had a couple of golf balls. I wasn't

good around my belly. And one of them had shanked off to the side somewhere. And we went down to

pick up the balls. And there was an injured hawk. I'd obviously hit this hawk in the head somehow.

And Josh Ben Maori was like, oh my God, this is a terrible sign. I'm pretty sure that this is a bad

omen. But it wasn't Frankie. I sort of thought that that hawk was actually me because I got

sort of destroyed after Frankie, like my confidence. I think I had PTSD. I was kind of like

flying high and then I was cut down, you know, and I had bad things can happen. And it took a long

time. And so we were a new relationship. We were, I've gone back to work, we were trying again to

have a baby. And it wasn't happening this time because I thought it must be, it was going to be

easy because it happened at the first time with Frankie. And it took ages. And so then it's never

going to happen. And I'm too old. And, you know, it was very hard. And then getting pregnant,

and then the terror actually hits. But the cool thing is it felt differently straight from the

beginning. I felt lighter. I felt when I first got pregnant with Frankie, it felt really heavy

and like important and something, you know, this was a really meaningful pregnancy.

This one was just light and happy. And that's what Raven's like. So that's pretty cool.

Yeah, but it's absolutely terrifying. Before each scan, you know, your body tenses up and your

shoulders up around your ears. And then you sort of walk out and everything's okay. And you're like,

I remember our 20 week scan and the lady was like, oh, his head's on the big side. And Josh and I

were just like, no. But she was just chatting, you know, it was just slightly, you know,

on the big side, the 90th percentile or something. Oh my God, don't say that. But luckily our doctor

said it was the most boring scan he'd ever had. That's what you want to hear. Exactly. So again,

the country is with you on this wave once they find out you're pregnant. And then having Raven,

I can't I mean, having your first child is emotional or having a child is an incredibly

emotional experience. But with what you've been through, that must have just wasn't a special

moment. Yeah, I mean, I can't even remember what was it like. I had a C section with Raven. I thought

it was going to be exactly the same. But then he got stuck. And so we had a C section. So it was

different. So that was quite good in a way. And, you know, you're high on morphine too. So it was

kind of like it was you're in another world. And it was amazing and magical. But it was

scary too. At the same time, there's a tiny human that you have to keep alive. So it didn't feel

like it wasn't like Frankie had colored it like I'd done. I'd wrapped Frankie up almost by that

stage. Like I'd done all my healing and I'd done all my therapy and I'd painted all the pictures

that I wanted to about what it meant and what he'd given us. And so Raven was a new chapter.

So that was cool. And because I don't like I didn't want Raven to be so special that I became

overbearing, right? You know, like, that wouldn't be good for him either. Then he'd have to live

under the cloud of Frankie. And that's not fair. So yeah, it was just like this a new chapter and

terrifying. Isn't it scary bringing your first newborn home? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And you

think it's you think that's the rest of your life, like in this terrible fear. And it's so

important. And you've got everything that you need. And I was constantly online ordering something

else that I needed for a newborn. And you use everything once and you don't need any of it.

Do you? No, you don't need any of it. Just if you're having a new baby, you don't need it.

Like a cot is important in some swaddles, maybe, you know, nappies.

And how has it now? What are we, 14 months, did we say? Yeah, 14 months.

One year and two months. One year and two months. How has it changed you? How is this

highly different? What's your how's it changed your outlook on life? So I thought that having a

baby was going to turn me into an earth mother. And you know, all of a sudden you become a mother.

And the shocking thing was I was exactly who I was before even. I was still the same person,

which was really weird to me. And also scary because it's like, how is that person going to

bring up a child? But in a way, it took me right back to the old Haley, the Haley before she gave

up drinking, who was sort of fun and relaxed and, you know, a bit silly. You know, I'd gone through

that giving up drinking was so serious. And then, you know, going, you know, a candidate for the

Greens is quite serious. And then breakfast, and I tried to take myself so seriously. And then

even getting into sport, you know, it's not as serious. And I've kind of, it sort of released

me from that. So he allowed me to sort of feel the joy and be silly and get down onto his level

and just be that, you know, really just, you know, respect my inner child.

What point did you decide that the book was the option to go down?

When I was pregnant with Raven, I got a call from Harper Collins and they were interested

in the book. And I just thought I'd always thought I might do a book. But I thought I'd write it and

that, you know, it would be kind of all of the, you know, the dirty stories. But they had, you know,

a much better idea of a book that would tell the story and help people and

be kind of a redemption story in a way, but also

just to, as you say, you know, my drinking story isn't extreme. It's pretty much New Zealand story.

So I kind of got to tell New Zealand's story, especially people of our generation, as mine,

and sort of help people sort of relate to it or think about themselves or just know that they're

not alone. I feel like it was a hell of a seller. I've got no idea about the sale, but it was such

a hard launch. It was everywhere and people were raving about it and you were all over the media.

Like, did it do really well? It did really well and especially at first. But I think in New Zealand,

you know, really, really well is pretty, you know, no one's going to get rich from writing a book

in New Zealand. I've always thought this about snowboarding as well. America, man,

it is the land of the milk and honey, isn't it? Yeah. But it did really well. And I think

the publisher, Harper Collins, were pretty excited as well to have someone who was

keyed into the media to be able to go and do all of those interviews and get the magazines interested.

So, yeah, it was a great success. Yeah, it is. And it's such a happy ending. Like I said, the

country was celebrating with you and the book seemed just to be the cherry on top that, I don't

know, it seems from talking to you that life is good and life had been at struggles, but you seem

like you're in a really good place now. I'm in a really good place. I'm in a really good place of

accepting. I mean, I've done all my sort of going off on spiritual journeys and now I feel like I'm

just sort of doing what they say, which is being in the moment. I had a weird spiritual experience.

Mattie said you were very woo-woo. He said you were the most woo-woo person that he's ever come

across in the most beautiful way. I'm super woo-woo. But I love it. I think it's fun. So I

don't take it too seriously. But I just love hearing any stories like that. But we were interviewing

the owner of Dilma Tea and his name escapes me, but you know, it's the old guy who's drink Dilma.

Steve, you do a good accent. Dilma Tea guy. Something Fernando is his name.

Yeah, okay, there you go. And then as he was leaving, he just looked at me and he said,

this is going to be your happiest year. And Mani and Jack, because it was Jack at the time,

were like, oh, that's lovely. And I was like, that's not lovely. That means that this is the peak.

That means that, you know, from here on in, it's downhill. And when I thought back after Frankie,

he was kind of right. Like that was the year when things couldn't go wrong. You know, I didn't have

a care or a worry or a heartbreak or anything to go through. And my career was peaking, you know,

I was doing breakfast. And I kind of, when I think back to that, now I get a bit angry at him,

because I think, A, that's unfair. B, I hope he wasn't bloody right. And C, I feel way better now

than I did then, because I was searching then. I was, I was trying to grab for something. I was

trying to meet somebody. I wanted a family, you know, and I was always trying to compete and

do better. But now I'm happy where I am now. So he was wrong. Yeah, for sure. You know,

Bestie is definitely ahead of you. Yeah. I think that's sort of getting towards you now,

Shay's got a few bits and pieces. I want to, sorry, I do want to jump back into the baby loss

a little bit. And it's again, around our audience, because you mentioned that you received the stories

from women that have been through it. There's the men on the other side of it as well. And if

there's anything like me, you tiptoe around the situation, you don't fucking know how to react.

You don't know what to say. You don't know what is the right or the wrong. And I know

every circumstance is unique. But is there a 101 that you could, from your experience, give to

men out there that are listening, that maybe you've got someone in their lives that is going

through or being through baby loss as to how they could approach that situation?

Yeah, man, that's huge. That's a whole other podcast. Because people forget about the man

going through the situation, the dad, because not only are they supposedly meant to support the mum,

because it's all about the mum and she's the one losing the baby. But they have to do that and

deal with their own grief at the same time, because it's their baby too. Yeah, it's a really

difficult one. A, be like Josh. B, have the same family as Josh. So basically what they did is

they just all, they just wrapped me up in care and love, and they were okay. They were not,

they didn't shy away from talking about it. They just really sort of dove in, I suppose, and allowed

me to grieve and sort of held me whilst I was going through that. And then they were helping Josh

do that too. But the one thing that I would, if I could give advice to Josh, and he disagrees with

this, but I feel like he could have expressed his own grief too, because I know it's there.

And I think it's really, it's damaging if you hold that and cry it out. But yeah, just say what you

want to say. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing, because there is no wrong thing. You can't

make it worse. I mean, we came home and we realised that Frankie was going to die. And I was on the

floor, under the table, just, you know, crying and whatever I was doing. And he just like,

tapped me on the back and said, don't worry, we'll get it out and put a new one in.

And I laughed. And I'm like, that's terrible thing to say. Thank you very much. You know,

like literally thank you. And Mum said, oh my God, I love you, Josh. You're insane.

But is that like, yeah, be yourself, I guess, is kind of the overarching. And I've heard you say,

send the message, because you might not receive a reply, but send the message if you're on the

other side, right? Definitely send the message, because they're red. And they're felt. And it's

so nice. And don't expect anything back. Just be yourself and talk about it. You know, the worst

thing was walking into a room afterwards and people would go, and you could see that they

didn't know what to say. That's worse. Did you have to make the first move in those situations of

acknowledging what had happened? Or did you wait for that to happen? It depends on how I felt,

I think at the time. Or if I sort of was quite open with it, then people, you could see they

were shocked, but then it's sort of really sort of just relaxed everybody and cut the tension.

Yeah. Go and read the book, because this is all in the book, right? Go read the book. It's such a,

like I said at the start, we had to choose what to leave out, because we've been nearly gone

two hours and we haven't even spoken about boxing or lots of other parts. Boxing was such a highlight.

Oh my God, I loved boxing. Oh, I loved it so much, because as you say, it was that

tomboy sort of a bit of mongrel that I've got inside of me. It was like a really nice way to

get it out. I'm so proud of that, even though it was a celebrity boxing fight, you know, it's still

a good fight. I paid for it, right? Yeah, paid for it. And I think before we did the boxing,

someone in sports journalism had said, girls shouldn't box. This is going to be a waste of time.

You know, what a joke. And we showed them because we were the fight of the night. We just

were sending haymakers, you know, like at each other and the whole stadium just jumped up at the

end. And it was such an amazing feeling. And I thought that I was going to box professionally

after that. Did you? Yeah, I loved it so much. And then I watched it. That is disgusting. And I

didn't like the look in my eye. Yeah, I didn't like seeing that. Would you do it? We just had

Dean Lonergan on last week. Would you do it again if another fight for life came around?

You know, because I've been doing all of the boxing stories at TVNZ Day. Yeah, I've just kind of like

I sort of am jealous. But the reality and the fantasy is not the same thing. Like it's hard. And

I'm 15 years older. So probably not. I saw you interviewed Mia Motu in the lead up to her fight

that she won on the weekend, who was one of our favorite episodes ever. She's an incredible human.

Did you? It's probably a shorter space of time. But did you get to feel that energy in the time

that you spent with her? She's amazing. Her and Lani Daniels, both of them are such epic humans.

Yeah, I really want to be their friend. You know, just really like them quite a lot. They're just

cool. And I don't know, there's something about boxing that there's so much passion and there's

so much heart. And they work so hard. And it's kind of like gritty. And they've always got great

backstories that I just love it. Yeah. Yes. I'm going to wrap us up. Okay. But I want to say

before I throw the shade, this has been so cool. I feel like we could honestly go for L's. Like

there's so much goodness there in your life and your story. We even talked about sports news,

but maybe we'll get you back sometime. Thank you for coming in. Thank you for sharing and being

so open and telling us tales about your incredible life. It's been awesome. Thank you so much. I've

loved it. I'm going to pinch the words of two people. The first is Maddie McClain, who to wrap

us all, who said, Haley is one of my favorite people. She was such a breath of fresh air when

she came on to breakfast. When you get up at the time of the morning, you need to love the people

that you work with. And Haley is so easy to love. She's fun and funny and vivacious and energetic

and weird and one of the most woo woo people I've ever met. And I love her for it.

She deserves all the happiness in the world. Oh my God. That is amazing. And you've walked in here

and you're a breath of fresh air. You came in with some nerves and some trepidation,

but your storytelling is amazing. The last is your own words, which I'll wrap us up with,

which is what you spoke about when you released your book, which is they say you shouldn't air

your dirty laundry in public, but here we are. My story laid bare for all to see. I've done

some scary things in my time, but none quite as confronting as this. There's all sorts in here,

but most importantly, I've shared the dark stuff, the stories that leave me with great shame and

emotions that feel too strong to put words to. We've all got a shadow side. I hope by sharing

mine, I can help others not to feel so fuck them out with theirs. And in the research for this,

you've given me confidence, I think, to talk to some of my stuff that I hide away,

that I probably need to talk about and give some light to. So for all the other people out there

that are going through the same struggles and unsure not to share their real truths, thank you

very much for giving people an example to follow and lead. And I wish you all the best and Josh,

the very best with Raven and everything in the future. Oh, this has been so nice. I feel like

we're family now. Oh, thank you. Hey guys, thanks for tuning in. To see short form videos of all

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