The Therapy Crouch: The Roaring 30's

Hey guys so before we get into our podcast we've got some really exciting news um I'm pregnant

now I'm joking me and Pete have got our brand new book The Therapy Crouch in search of a happy

never after um it's out on the 12th of October but it is on pre-sale now so um you will be able to

find the link for that on this video description and on all our socials yeah and we we put a lot

into this and hopefully you enjoy it there's a lot of stories in there that we've kept back

that we've put in this so get involved and it's been it's been a it's been a really great experience

right now hasn't it Taylor yeah it's been it's been it might have been a bit of a rollercoaster

yeah especially on days when we had to do like book reads and when speaking that was quite

interesting and you know when people are trying to rush out the door to go to golf or you know

it's in there right so yeah it's available uh for pre-sale now um the link is on this video

and in all our socials uh it's out on October 12th enjoy I'm so thoughtful and funny and

loyal because I am amazing

breaking on y'all

hello welcome to the uh next episode of the therapy couch on peter crouch

you like it bloody david frost yeah well I'm like a broadcaster now hello and welcome to the

I'm with me my job now is like I'm not footballer or anything I'm broadcaster

so I'm like very used to kind of doing these things now you're a baller

you're not a ball you're not a baller as in footballer you're a baller who can wear cream boots

to Glastonbury yeah well can can can I can't I what have you been doing this week riding

are you messing are you messing I knew you were going to say that because I have been

fuck off Pete what this is this is what I'm talking like when you go to golf how boring is it

I like when you come home and show me that friggin scratch card with all like pencil drawn like

zero three three oh I was two over on that one oh can you believe I was like nine under on this

it's so dull piss off at your golf and keeping you so you piss off about your horse riding as well

look at this is a cantar this is a this is a trot this is a rise and trot this is a they're all the

same boat they're not you're walking and running I did a flying change I did a flying change

what's a flying change a flying change is where you're cantering on one so on the left or the right

and then you go across the diagonal and you swap your legs and the horse changes its forward leg

and it's almost like it's flying through the air like this well and it is fantastic I I brought

Liberty was off sick with me to film me and she filmed the whole hour but didn't get one video so

she was obviously not pressing record when I was riding the horse and when the phone was in her hand

she was recording recording the videos are I can't even tell you what the video is like they're

they're like so I had like 12 videos of just the phone in her hand rubbing on her pocket because

you know she wasn't pressing record when she was filming me and then there's just one of the whole

arena and you can just see like you can't see me and then once I can just see the whole horse's body

just go past she's only eight but the record it was so bad I just couldn't believe it like

it's I was ashamed that I go riding on my own and I'm so proud of what I achieve and no one believes

me no don't I'm joking by the way I don't mean I said that's because we recorded before and you

said riding and we get to cut so we started again so I knew what you're gonna say that's why I said

riding but I think honestly I love I love the fact that you like that you should have a kind of

look because you didn't do it for years did you because you're worried because being pregnant

and stuff like that and and then having the babies you got quite scared but you love it again I

love it I fell back in love I fell back in love and yeah it's just magnificent do you want to maybe

address the video the listeners have sent in oh yeah got to do that have you seen the video

yeah of the the fella the horse riding holding his neck and he looks like he's

like riding really fast and it's basically walking I don't know why you're saying that I don't

understand because he's out the saddle like a jockey would be on the final like hurdle he's gripping

with his why is he standing up because he's gripping with his thighs that's one thing I have

had to learn like loose looser the thighs

you tend to let the palm of the years

you're an absolute screese I don't know why I put up with this

looks a lot though relax it you know what I mean

finished

but this horse that I'm riding so big you could actually get on it really it's like 183 it's

probably too big absolutely massive what a beautiful horse though I really want it god I just

don't I'm not allowed it's expensive horse isn't it like if you've got to really love it if you

want to get out but I do I do yeah but you haven't been enough to do any reason I haven't been

is because just because I've been too busy with work like if I had my choice I'd do it every

single day well you know it's it's an expensive sport but you know it's but it is lovely like I

looked for my little girl who's just really getting into it now and she and it's so nice because

she wants to go down there and do all the kind of mucking out and yeah brushing the horse it's like

it's just a nice kind of brushing you know that's what they do isn't it yeah grooming grooming sorry

we sound like we've had a dull week well now you're in horse riding and I didn't

I think you've got a wine haven't you well I've been working quite a bit you're really upset you

know the past few weeks the weather's been incredible and perfect golf weather

perfect golf weather and Pete it's been tough that hasn't been able to play I've been so busy I've

been busy yeah obviously like I've got a film out on amazon right and I had to do a lot of promo

for that that's a promotion for you if you're not you're an initiator if you're not in the

business you know promos like we call it promo in the industry

had a film out though I did this version for it so like yeah lots of interviews that kind of thing

bts's oh yeah vts yeah videotapes

it's like vts you know we're like videotape for those not in the industry

yeah a lot of that going on Crouch rest his back I know this is not

it shouldn't be talking about on this podcast you know there's a lot of organizing to do this

lots basically not just because the football season's finished I could have just finished but

I've not I've got stuff on and I actually want to go on holiday so I'm cramming a lot of it in

before I go away yeah but I think it's Crouch rest Crouch rest is actually a good thing to talk about

because you know all the dweebs that listen and listen to the Peter Crouch podcast like they

know about it but all the great people who listen to our podcast they probably don't know about it

so let's tell our great audience what it's about okay well yeah I mean it's just about how do you

describe it it's I mean it's a good old fun so basically Crouch fest is an extravaganza of fun

it's it's like a live podcast of the peter crouch podcast slash festival they have music

awesome we had kassabian we had you know so solid crew we had ollie mares we had pool pots

we had x footballers you know England players you know it's it's it's insane and for those who

follow the peter crouch podcast there was so many of the anecdotes that run throughout the series like

on the show and it was it's back there but you know what you've been helped me as well you've

been helping the organization but you don't let me I do let you do I do this is my wine I want

you involved and I want you to help you know to a point no I was so proud because obviously with

the last Crouch fest you know I know you're working so hard on it and you know everyone was back we

sold 12 000 tickets with no one knowing what was going to happen it's not bad though you know it's

insane it's absolutely insane so when you were saying we've got so solid crew to kassabian to

friggin ollie mares I was like what on earth are you doing and it was the most incredible show

it's like bang bang bang bang of fun it's just didn't have much faith in me last time though

no because I live with you you were worried and I said listen just relax we will build and they will

come I'd faith in the audience I knew they'd come through and it was epic what a great night it was

a great night hopefully it's the same this time around so you've been busy planning that busy

planning with that well yeah busy with all of it like the football stuff but then I just sort of

crammed in everything else really and obviously the film and like I want it to do well so I want

it to obviously I want people to watch it because I don't want to watch it they'll enjoy it what do

you mean we're like you know because it's easy to just not watch it you know I mean what I'm saying

is like I know that when people watch it they'll enjoy it but it just it does because the reason

you do the promotion is to get people to watch it do you know what I mean get get it on people's radar

because I'm proud of it and I'd like I'd like people to just to enjoy it because I know they

will because I know what I would if I would I love me and drink I wasn't me because I am amazing

oh it's not like that you know I'm just saying it's I'm proud of it I know if I watched that movie

about me I'd like it it's like when um you remember when I was drunk and I was like I would just love

to be my friend yeah I would love to be my friend I'd love she said to me genuinely like gods on it

like deadpan god I just love to be if I was like what was it I'd love to be my own friend I'd love

to be my friend I'm so thoughtful and funny and loyal I actually you just added that

I just said I'd like to be my own friend yeah that's mad the other one that she told me which

I find astounding is for a funeral she said um she would like simply the best by Tina Turner

it was like what like deadpan like you can't choose simply the best yourself surely

you can why simply the best yeah better than all the rest better than anyone anyone you've ever

met I find that marvellous but I wasn't saying simply the best as me I was thinking about

the simply the best song would be a song from me to my funeral audience do you know what I mean

oh is that where you're coming from that's where I'm not not it's not about me it's about it's

basically my thank you to my crowd funeral crowd I'm calling bullshit on that I think she's got

out that so do you think I've just thought of that now on the spot yeah yeah 100 I'm calling

bullshit no you're going so like when I'm off say if I die after you which won't happen by the way

but she's adamant that I'm dying after right she goes first so when I'm off on stage and I'm crying

I've just what amazing woman I loved her so much just now here's the song she wanted to play for

her for you all simply the best thank David Brents in the opposite

anyone's gonna think oh that's for us yeah that's for us yeah well you can say then you can say

she wanted to play this because for you lot yeah yeah totally I can't do this

podcast anymore what do you just mad you're too funny

I find it I find it astounding simply the best something believable well you can make fun of

however you want it was for my my congregation for the congregation for the congregation

wasn't for me no god what would you have

so you know what I'd like my funerals I don't know how we've gone to this

funerals as this happened um no I'd like my funeral to be like a kind of celebration of life

you know like oh god how are you no shit you know when it's up when you're talking

ding I've just had an idea my funeral is going to be a celebration of my life

modesty that was her that was her famous thing she was she was just so modest

on her request no um every funeral is a celebration no I know it is but what I'm saying

is I think I'd like to do things slightly differently I don't know like I don't know

I have a few kind of Swedish old mafia like yeah some funny elements to it you know some fun like

felt like I've lived life with a smile on my face you know I'd like people to go in smiling

rather than crying you could like bury you in a clown suit you would as well you little knob

probably would do that to me I wouldn't you would what is a bit of a nightmare as I've seen

you know when they're carrying floodlights out of football stadiums it's in a bag and they're

they're fucking so long and but regularly on twitter I get people sending to me I'll

be a crowd resting peace be a crowd they're carrying a floodlight but like if you think about my

my my whatever what's it called coffin it's gonna be longer than the average coffin well I'm

going to um cremate you anyway make a massive diamond ring do you know what babe let's get

some audience wines they always cheer us up yeah I hate the fact my fella is away there's no trainees

all over the trainees or trainees she's written trainees trainees like she was trained

I hate the fact when my fella is away there's there's no trainees trainers you don't say trainees

so it's throw me off so trainees has got someone a spouse person calls trainers

trainees written down is like I know what if you said our trainees I'd know what they were

Pete wears my trainees oh that wouldn't bother me at all but written down but you say in trainees

is like blowing my mind blowing my mind as well oh my god I hate the fact my fella is away there's

no webs all over the house webs there's no traps no there's webs on webs aren't there webs on traps

yeah traps what is that traps that is mad that so much you look mad I hate the fact when my fella

is away there's no trainers anywhere in the house all over the house then the actual minute

he's back there they're all over the place three pairs in the living room already he's only been

back 24 hours yeah it's what just leaving shoot yeah I do that as well I know I hate it there's

literally a shoe shop in our house from Peter and I've I've put like I hate people walking in my

house to choose on so I leave a basket of slippers next to the door I've got a full basket

with multiple brand new slippers that anyone can wear and no one does the only time people use

as slippers that are supposed to be for indoors is to like get out of the car or the garage and

like walk him like you stood on the rim again yesterday with that slip up full of mud didn't

you I did yeah that was into that was that was bad I just think slippers I didn't know I didn't know

it was um they were wet especially ugg slippers because the suede the sole it's not like a rubber

slipper sole hmm I'll bear that in mind in the future but one of the things is like when you're

going out like you put shoes by the front door and I know I'm gonna wear them the next day so

what's the point of putting them all what's the point of actually putting them away and then

getting them out and putting them on again and I just know I'm gonna go to bed and just come down

and just like I'm gonna go out the door and just get in them on the way out well I've got a shoe

cupboard as well that that's closer to the door that you could put them in I don't know I don't

read this one I have a weekly wine about my husband I recently I recently went away for a week with

my three year old due to the nature of my husband's job he couldn't join us I knew the week away for

him would consist of daily trips to the pub mates over countless mess and takeaways let's not be a

naive however upon return he told me he had done a full house clean to welcome us home I thought

amazing what a great husband yes you would be led to think this too right it's almost impossible

to believe but as I walked in the front door I was hit with it granted I had hoovered granted he

had hoovered but only downstairs and he had done the washing as he put it in the washing machine

and turned it on but I'm not taking it out and he had done the washing up as in he put in a sink

full of bubbles ready for me to do it and he cleaned the bathrooms don't be daft he had just

put the cleaner in the toilet not quite the spotless house I was promised okay right so he said he's

cleaned the house and in his mind he probably has but he hasn't really done Bob okay to be honest I

think women have to blame for this as well because well I don't know what you're about to say but

totally agree because we just let them get away with it like we let them get away with it so

they just keep acting stupid and keep doing it yeah and also when you do something well

you invariably have to do it again so if you do something badly you'll never be asked to do it again

so if I like for instance like if you came home and like cleaned the house that's why I'm shitting

bad Peter boiled at my own game darn you woman I know but that is a thing you know I mean like

if I clean the house and touch the bottom right you then expect me to do that like every time

so I don't and you don't why do men how come men don't mind filth

we love filth we don't mind it we fucking love it

think you're on the wrong podcast today you

that's a joke so I was with a girl the other day who'd manifested her dream man

really what does that mean so she was you know have you heard of like the secret and stuff like

that if you believe it then you'll achieve it yeah I believe I believe it just happened that

I believe in believe to which and achieve because do you know before I won strictly

I was standing there waiting for it to be announced and have you heard that that line out of happy feet

where they go if you will it it will be yours yeah I said that in my head and then the announcement

really swear to god but obviously that goes with like hard work and stuff like that

but she'd manifested a dream man so what she does is gonna like what this I'm only set like for

this like a list a list yeah but I bet you that list sort of involved lots of things like what's

that involved like what chef you know clean good looking like a donkey you know what's on the

list like a donkey god what is on the list well all of the above yeah what would your list be

if you could manifest fit not a nag beautiful funny loyal

like a good worker thick nice family values great with the kids probably let me play golf

not give me a rake nice all-round good person I was nine out of ten of them yeah yeah there was a

couple of little digs in there but it was all the ones that no but really is is there like set

you're all of them both are you tick all the boxes no but is it is the set because I don't tick

all your boxes because you're saying what you said to me before that you said if I have if I

have my time again if I have my time again you would get like the chef the what was the other one

like the clean freak no it's not that no that's what I was just about to say to you but realistically

there must be like qualities in me missing that you would like because it would be handy if I could

like you know speak five languages stuff like that yeah but is that like would you rather have I'd

rather have someone like yeah if you could speak five languages it'd be handy but it's not

unlike the to-do list does it you know I mean like to make this be honest but I'm only joking

you would like me to be like would would you like me to be able to um like build things or be a better

cook it's not that not about being a better cook it's about probably trying like my friend Liberty

yeah like it's like yeah but she hasn't got kids yeah but it's not about having kids there's loads

of people with kids who have who are an amazing course yeah but you're busy working you know you've

got the kids like I wouldn't expect you to have a fucking roast dinner yesterday no you're a good

chef but you I've given up a bit what no because I can't think of anything to make what about Abby

being a sports fan would that be a big one for you be imagine you know what I quite like I quite

like her not being a sports fan or a football fan I don't like that's for me and my mates you know

I mean it's like I wouldn't want you wouldn't want me I don't think that you want me to be

into what you're into I would no really though like if I said oh my god darling what you're wearing

tonight and you read I'm gonna I'm gonna wear this suit tailored with this one and you know these

shoes do you think these are to die for these shoes are to die for you go shut up I'd quite like

that you wouldn't like that do you know what I'd quite like you know if like you know when like

the hob breaks or something yeah and you just go excuse me and just went yeah I'd like to be more

like that kind of DIY person you know my friend built their own baby a cart from wood really yeah

I'd love to be able to I'd love to be that person but while they were carpentering I was kicking

a ball around you but baby can't die now it's on keeping the ball around well I have time for this far

that was like what I'm saying is like you know if you're going to be kind of like

good at something then you have to put kind of all your dedication into that like I reckon there's

loads of whatever people are doing really well at something might not be good at DIY as well you

don't mean you might be the best pianist in the world you haven't got time for carpentry you might

be the best carpenter in the world you're saying you're like you're saying excelling at one thing

that's what I'm saying I don't excel at anything I said that is not true at all good at moaning

yeah I don't excel in one thing like you're saying like a pianist or you do you do experience

it shouldn't be funny when it is um

don't excel in pianist because Pete's just mentioned a pianist

I excel in pianist

no I think you do excel you do like you've got the what what noise mean I'm going to get it out there

on the podcast now right is that you have the most incredible voice that singing voice

it's like when Ariel got a voice taken off her it's like it's a it's a it's a nightmare that

people can't hear this thing you know what I mean you are Ariel

are we shows Ariel I'm shitted swimming I haven't got any

I haven't got a a stink of fish though

that's good um no like what I'm saying is you've got a gift there your gift is beauty

you've singing voice you know you're dancing you've dancing you've uh you've proved that

you've got an array of talents thanks babe we really have I mean that serve you

thanks but like my talents I think I think you know I'm quite sporty don't be like maybe sport

um quite sporty but other than that you're an England football player you absolute

moped quite sporty yeah but like what I'm saying I'm never going to excel in

culinary or carpentry areas but we could this could be the next phase of our life never too

never too late no it's not so what do you want to do right let's say it right now what where are

you gonna go in this next year or two languages like to be a better wife to me it's just it's

really simple it's just it's just less kind of grief for for me it's just a bit more less grief

that's all a bit more less grief a bit more less grief it works somehow I think well that's just

manifest all your like because that's not going to happen just behave

loads of people have said turning 30 for them they're a bit worried about it like obviously

turning 30 fucking hell I know insane but we know lots of people have said that obviously for me

turning 40 was quite scary I'm 40 now you know you're 42 I know but still I turned 40 so turning

30 talk us through your experiences how was it for you were you worried when you were 29 and you

entered that 30s god I wish I was 29 now my god great age

my mum said she was at the prime of her life when she was 40 really yeah like felt the best

confidence wise looked the best you know so I'm hoping that's going to happen to me

yeah I don't know like I was like prime of my life like we're not because I always think of prime

as being like where I was playing football the best but I reckon I'm probably I'd say slightly

more attractive now than I was then that's that time do you agree with that or not do I agree yeah

you're the one I probably think you're the best looking when you played for portamus

so that's a hard no so no okay I'm joking I am joking I think you absolutely thought I'd improved

a little bit you might be going downhill a little bit now but I thought I'd got slightly better

because I'm thinking like I was thinking when I was at Southampton I saw a picture of a day at the

worst bar on it I like your hair then no I had a big skin thing wasn't good um ports were

I was improving but like second time around in ports as I'm talking about yeah yeah yeah

like my favourite picture of you and I went on that England picture that was the same time wasn't

it yeah you were in your prime then I think okay so how old were you then god so that's 10 years

guys I'm basically I've gone so I was like that it goes to be fair it was probably starting like

that I went up a little bit remember that pigeon like a little hill you know like that just a big

dipper remember that pigeon that flew out of your car bonnet that was drafted every day oh it's

escaped it's fine it's fine it's fine yeah yeah okay where am I now five absolutely no babe

am I still a six or not you're a 20 you're 20 no I'm just saying that's my favourite picture of you

yeah I know which one you mean with the long hair yeah I love I loved but that was just a picture

anyway I think it's just a picture that I like of you yeah maybe it is yeah yeah because I've got

pictures of you like my favourite pictures of you the ones like you like 19 until you know I think

we were young yeah but that's a good picture of me that you love I think I look horrific on it and

I'm like 19 it's the only time you know what girls like in pictures right where you take a picture

of them and they they do a different face and you go why doing a different face to the one I love

seeing so she would do in this picture is before kind of Instagram I mean where you do have to

do an Instagram face so it's like a big beaming smile that's the one I like you know but I don't

know it's like girls in general I don't like smiling even that's what I'm saying like girls are so

obsessed with like how Instagram they don't do a proper smile I like smiling in life but not on

pictures yeah so I hate my teeth yeah but that's what I'm saying like everyone's worried about

like the best days were the ones where you could take a picture and you didn't have a clue because

you couldn't look at it so you took a picture and that was it and then you develop it later and go

oh I look terrible in that one and you deal with it later like nowadays it's like lie on the floor

get love yeah like and that's not smile I do I find it bizarre I listen I know when I smile and

laugh my my teeth protrude like a horse but I don't stop it because of that yeah but I always make

you smile on pictures I would say to you smile don't I it's hard but I know what you mean because

it's hard to do a natural smile when someone takes a picture so hard isn't it like if I do

like a natural smile so if you make me laugh now I'm going to smile like that for instance is your

lot is your smile but if someone goes I'm just going to take a picture uh just smile okay

yeah your fake smile when I'm like let me take a picture of your father's day and you're sitting

there like that I don't know why my eyes closed all I go jack's our baby jack's got the funniest

smile like his face he's the most beautiful child and then he does this smile when and when he's

just like playing around smiling natural natural absolutely gorgeous and then I'm going to jack

do a smile and he turns into bet middler from witches he goes he does that little face and

he's got like two teeth and he goes do you remember Johnny's smile oh my god that was amazing Paul

Daniels he looked like a mixture of two Paul Daniels and Boris Johnson

what color's your hair Johnny gold

do you remember your 30th birthday that was an epic one wasn't it when you turned 30 I did

did that big birthday yeah brilliant wasn't it yeah but I think I honestly think a like it does

wind me up a bit when like people are in the 20s like oh god I'm so old I'm getting so old

you're like a fuck off 10 years older than you I think it's I think it's a thing that people like

to say yeah genuinely I think it's like oh I'm somewhat like it's a ziff dare I know it's a

cliche but age age ain't nothing but a number is it no no do I mean you're only as young as the girl

you feel well you're still in your prime baby prime baby but you are but I say to me dad like what

me dad's like 63 and he's like I feel 20 still in my head how old do you think that was funny you

know if I remember you dad telling me I was in the pub of him and he went it's so weird it's like

you're you're stuck in a in your like you say probably his 20s or 30s and he said it's just

amazing like when girls from coming the pub whatever and he said obviously dad was good

looking when he was young my dad was unreal when he said it's amazing thick black hair 10 six foot

two gorgeous but he's not that now yeah well he's not now but he's still gorgeous but he's but yeah

he's an older fella right and he just said it's amazing how it just like one minute you're that

person and the next minute it's like and but you're the same person inside you're like girls

and walk into the pub and he's like right like you know whatever and then now it's just like

they don't even look at him like it's like he's invisible and he said it's just amazing now they

just walk past you you still have the same like whoa he's all right and he's like they don't even

look at you they look straight through you like you're a war for women like when they have kids

and everything they do feel a little bit more invisible in that like hot zone really yeah

that's a shame because you feel tired so you feel like you look tired and kind of focus isn't you

but I don't I don't think 10 and 30 is the end of the world 10 like your next big birthday is 50

yeah but I'm not even bothered about that doesn't bother me either it's like when you go when you

when things really like kick in so I mean that's when that's when I'd consider like I'm look at

like your dad you're my mom and dad like they doesn't 50 60 like 60 we know 60 years now we're

having a lot of time in their lives so some of our best friend Tommy's in his 60s that's incredible

like he's having a lot of time he's having that's what like 20 years from now 30 years for me

you know they're having a good time I see fellas down the golf club now they're old like

you know 70 80s it's a lovely good time it's a big lifestyle changes though from your 20s to

your 30s obviously you got kids and like houses and things like that but you do mature a bit don't

you like the 30s what do you think like the 20s are a bit of a although you say that I was looking

at videos of us from 2017 when we were in the south of france dancing on tables pilatic you know

how old were we then

we're doing that in our 40s still well yeah but when that when that it doesn't end well I'm

living my life back to front because like a lot of time I was quite I was probably was more dedicated

my 20s than I am now obviously yeah we didn't do a lot of drinking in our 20s we probably drank

like once a week like on a Saturday night so I mean I was so like I had to be on it for the

football didn't I so like I'm living my life back to front really like and there's no set way of

doing it say that again but it's no there's no set way of doing it is there you've got to have a

good time for as long a time as you possibly can I feel like everything now is getting later anyway

like you know back in the day like say our mums and dads or their mums and dads would be like

you'd be married in your 20s you know you'd be getting your first house and like everything's

later now it's like 30s she don't 40s now you people having kids you know I think she gives

people a more career driven now and also like the cost of living like you know people are saving

up to get a house and trying to get their jobs and their education before they even think about

having kids and stuff like that I think yeah and it's and it's more acceptable I mean you are

probably frowned upon especially for a woman maybe like you know in the 70s if you weren't married

by the time you were like 30 it was like well there must be something wrong so from the age of 35

if you actually if you get pregnant from the age of 35 you're actually classed as a geriatric

mother yeah but you know that like that seems outdated no has to be like no it's a technical

term I know but it seems a bit it seems ridiculous you know you can't have I know there's probably

a higher risk later on but you know it's like everyone's doing their own thing no no but it's

it's for that reason it's like a medical reason it's not like God aren't you you know in the old days

you're all having babies at 19 look at you 35 giving birth to your first child if it's not like

that now it's not as a geriatric for that it's a technical term what my first baby at 30 didn't I

you know not physically but I you know I was involved in one so what was my last one

yeah but you're not called geriatric father no I wonder if there is

thing as a geriatric does the sperm go any no we look at freaking what's his name Al Pacino

I was just dad one of me oh yeah he's like eight yard coming out like that yeah

dust someone's squeezing the bottle talking bother yeah oh my god Christ almighty that's

horrible that isn't it oh what about the physical changes when you turn 30 did you notice any

changes from did you like hangovers a lot of people say they got a lot worse with the old

I think one thing that yeah thing that is

not for me wasn't for me I was still playing till I was 38 still playing football till I was 38

40s when I retired from football wasn't training every day that was when I started feeling it

but when I was playing football I just didn't even feel hangovers at all yeah but I think that's

because you're training that's what I mean like you know yourself when you go to the gym every day

you feel so much more energized and you recover quicker like you know

when you don't go the gym you feel more lethargic and so I didn't think I don't think that's an age

thing I think that's a health thing so I think you can you can change that mindset if you allow

yourself to be consumed by age and yeah but if you if you go and like exercise that ice bath is

amazing for that though you can you know breast monkey gave me that ice bath it's just incredible

for that it's good yeah it's good yeah just submerge yourself and keep your beers cold

I tried to put them in on the weekend so Pete thought he could use my ice bath

as a beer cooler for the party and I thought it was a great idea I think it's still a great idea

no it's not it's not like some fratos you know you're not doing that to my breast monkey

spring break did you say break a door on your

no happiness is the key to everything I think yeah but you do have to exercise I think yeah but you're

happy when you're exercising that's the point not even like you can't can't say that you're happy

you're actually physically happy what it releases in your body it makes you physically happy

do you know what I mean yeah but there's some people that are physically happy down in

38 whiskies that's not gonna be that's not gonna be yeah that's not actually whiskey is healthy

because you know all those people who um who live to a hundred they all say I have a whiskey a day

yeah a whiskey a day thing's your blood I tried to do that but I forgot she's got after a bottle

of day into dead no no I was gonna do that because I read so many articles about a whiskey a day but

I just didn't do it I don't fancy drinking like they was drinking like they drink it every day on

a suit don't they yeah like that that's a tv show yeah but it's literally only on films that they

do that they walk into something they walk in and have a meeting yeah everyone's got to get the whiskey

out everyone the camera out like that what does everyone have a decanter in the house with like

crystal glasses next to it lined up no it's only in films you don't walk in and say which one

do you want a cup of tea like is anyone really do that whiskey thing they just bang it down like

it's nothing I'd go can I have another one it depends what whiskey it is quite like whiskey

now to be honest but the last one thing is like your taste mature a little bit like things like

red wine like you wouldn't drink red wine when you were 19 I didn't drink wkd blue wkd blue yeah

you know smell of ice or like a net oh ice like a caribbean twist

but like red drinks are nice as well you would never read wine would you like at home

when you were 19 no but I'd have like a book's fizz would you

but also you wouldn't dream of having a drink baby gem like on my like at home

hmm no like which would dream of it only on the street like nine on the park

so to round up how do you feel like they should be feeling in their 30s now great

life begins at 40 so they've got loads of time who said life begins at 40 is that what they say

yeah everyone says it right yeah 30s 30s the new 20 let's be honest 30 schmirty 30s 30s cool

you can enjoy your 30s 40s so far been great I'm enjoying them you'll be there soon

am I going to have a party for my 40th yeah any excuse you said simply read abroad

if you can remember do you remember that simply rouge with dick shuck no

let's get into the agony abs because you know what we're enjoying but we're helping that's what's

so good about this podcast hey both absolutely love the podcast you two really brighten up my

week and I'm always getting caught having a gig of when I'm out on the dog walk anyway I've got a

pretty life-changing agony abs situation I need help with and I think you two could really help me

a long story short after many months of trying me and my gorgeous hubby have finally managed to

conceive our first child you pee and it's safe to say that initially we were absolutely ecstatic

however there's something that is making me lie awake at night tossing and turning in absolute dread

now although I think my husband is absolutely dropped they're gorgeous there is no other man

on the planet for me there is one thing about his appearance that I could change I probably would

the colour of his hair oh no if I was talking nicely about him I would probably describe him as

urban or strawberry blonde if I was being not so nice I would lean towards the carrot top

copper bollocks end of the scale now this isn't obviously a massive deal for me when we are married

and waiting on our first baby and now I find myself lying awake night gripped in fear that I'm

going to give birth to a pasty freckly face ginger baby oh my husband that spoke at length

in the past about how hard his childhood was because of his relentless bullying he got for

his hair and his appearance I now feel allow living fear that I'm going to be thrust upon my own

unborn child I find myself late at night running through scenarios about how to potentially spare

them the cruelness of the school yard bullies I could dye their hair I could shave it off

maybe a bit of tinted moisturiser to mask the freckles the possibilities are endless

do you think I'm being overly paranoid that baby brain has got the better of me

or did you have similar worries when you're pregnant and maybe your children would take

rather than you please help me calm down I need sleep ginger spiced warrington

do you know what on my pregnancy video when the baby's coming out I'm like

is it okay is it alive is it ginger

I don't know why why is it seen as a negative though well you've got ginger on your side of

the family so I was I did worry about it a little bit but you know my sister's boyfriend's ginger

and he's fab like it doesn't matter what color ginger is like it seems to be the last acceptable

kind of like prejudice like white like you know everyone you know we're not allowed to say anything

are we but anyone really your appearance wise but gingers somehow is acceptable

ginger tall ginger ginger's height I get it loads being tall yeah but you're allowed to say that

but you couldn't say to someone you were short or you were fat or you were this but ginger and

well body shaving like and all that right it's it's all it's all become you know all the rage

we're all you know very conscious of it rightly so for some reason ginger's excluded do you know what

my dad's all my dad's ever wanted as a ginger grandchild

he love he loves them he thinks the great he's just like I'd love a little ginger grandson

I've taken the pub look at the head on him you know he just he just absolutely love one

I think there's nothing cuter than a little ginger kid and it makes me want to it makes me

so angry that little kids with red hair would get bullied for that it's absolutely disgusting

but you know what it's like you know people do do say about about them but kids are cruel kids are

like you know even some of the stuff like Sophia's told me recently in air school what they all say

to each other it's absolutely disgusting but it's it's a kid thing isn't it like they're just horrible

to each other it can be yeah it can be it can be harsh it can be harsh aren't they

but I think I think the Disney films are amazing like you know Ariel um who else has got brave

the red hair yeah our friends got a little girl with the most incredible red hair

wrinklets down to a bone uh right well in summary I don't think you can I think just enjoy

your baby baby's a miracle I know so no matter what what you know you get you're always gonna

love it aren't you so and you're always gonna you're always gonna think it's the best looking

thing in the world yeah no matter what even if you know we did I mean listen I think our kids

like when it was one a couple when there were babies I was like yeah it's gorgeous

I was talking to her mum about this yesterday because she had a little baby and she was one

and she was gorgeous she was a little puddin gorgeous and I was saying about when Lib was a

baby and you know I used to try and put her in like really cute you ever said that tutu one cute

tutus and she'd look like literally a silverback gorilla in a tutu and she had like a rhinoceros

a rhino a rhino and a hair she had two strands of hair in a straight line she was like Lloyd

Christmas wasn't she it was hello and we used to I used to think she was the best looking thing I've

ever seen and looked like a pig just like she's Christ so funny so funny hey Abby and Peter I have

an Agony Ab SOS that I need your guys advice on ASAP I'll cut straight to the chase it is my

boyfriend's dress sense when we first met it wasn't something I really took too much notice of

he certainly wasn't a style icon by any stretch of the imagination a bit beige if anything but generally

very inoffensive fast forward a couple of years and we are now living in the very edgy

hackney wick area of east London where my boyfriend has befriended some of the natives

and have taken it upon himself to go through what he just describes as a glow up at first this is

something I encouraged even if I didn't totally understand it when he told me he was going for

this from from his smart shore back and sides to an 80s style mullet I said yes go ahead when he

left the porn tash on his face after movember was over I wasn't elated but I accepted it

however however recently his choice of clothes are leaving a lot to be desired for it's a constant

mitch mismatch of oversized colour clashing mothball ridden questionable attire he loves using

the label vintage as a badge of pride whereas to me he looks like a bag the other day he came home

in yellow baggy trousers a red crewneck jumper and all I could see was him as a man who used to

present art attack I think the final nail in the coffin for me was that when I saw him browsing

online for a pair of secondhand dungarees I mean a grown man wearing dungarees are you

fucking kidding me I don't know if I'll be able to sustain this relationship at the thought of him

coming to meet me and my friends out rocking up on his dutch bike with his mullet his shitash

blown in the wind clad in bacon stocks white stocks and an oversized pair of adult dungarees

yeah I mean that's a tough one isn't it I think he's moved to like Hackney

I think men who are like and he's gone he's tried to go trendy and he's obviously not trendy

I like a man who's like as natural style and doesn't like think about what the wear and he

just puts it on and it looks good someone who's like deliberately going for a look knocks me sick

especially because if that looks not them as well it's like all of a sudden like like if I just

ramped up my style went right I'm going like really long bar on it like skateboard dude

I like the sound of that I know you do but that's why I've been well I've been thinking about it

but you know what I mean like man's kind of like a lot of tattoos and stuff like that don't like

tattoos um no joke no don't like tattoos I um I like your style which quite um

but you're gonna say that aren't you what's the you're gonna say that I'm gonna say the vicar

adibli but it's not the vicar adibli talent of mr rippley vibes very very your club yeah

Pete looks super classic chic below deck classic al-nafi chic I'd like to think it's called

no you suit like classic you know Riviera Riviera vibes oh listen I'm quite I'd like to think

quite don't know I don't know what I'm going for but just it's not too inoffensive it's

similar to what he was probably before and I've got no idea who I am you know clothes wise

I've been constantly you can carry off only thing I think I like you you could go for any look I

feel like a bit of a fraud reading out this what he's been rooting for a vintage because this is

like an original this is Paul McCartney's band this is an original 70s jumper yeah but you're

cool as fuck this is the second band after the Beatles you look a bit art attack than that oh no I do

this is art attack this is an art attack this is art attack I used to love that you

hope you can and yeah very good oh I know it he's scouts him as well he looks like the only

scouts person on the telly and I was like oh this is fun I thought was it I think so maybe the

middle yeah a bit unswacky he's a wallet and you're stylish though aren't you like you could

you could carry off desert you know you could probably carry off anything I think I think you

could no you definitely could a hundred percent no you came in justin beaver the other day

remember no get the justin beaver outfit when you come for the dog walk and I was like oi oi

it's beaver yeah but that's because I was cold and I had to wrap up and put a beanie on

yeah um yeah you know certain things imagine me putting on a pair of dungarees right how much

would you like seriously if I if I went um we're going out for like theater and hackney right I

went right I'm gonna put on a beanie hat and dungarees what would you say to that well you'd

look ridiculous how much how much laugh oh I love I don't understand why you know if you're looking

for maternity clothes there's always dungarees in in in the collection like no one wears fucking

dungarees apart from a baby maybe a child but then when you're pregnant in everything if you go to

like h&m maternity or blah blah maternity there's always fucking dungarees there's two there's two

reasons to wear dungarees and it's pregnant or painting painting why painting why you know you

know why they have them why is that because they've got the pocket on the front put paint brush in a

few of a what a few of a lot of your paper in there and then climb up your ladder and then so

well they invented for painting well I don't know that for a fact but logically yes farmers wear

dungarees do they as well some farmers like american farmers extra hat and a pair of dungarees

that's a scarecrow okay and the reason why scarecrow's wear dungarees is because no one

else wears them so they give them spare clothes the fucking scarecrow that's gonna leave out in

the field all year and reason mad like that's it's about I hate dungarees they're just repulsive

they're arks because there's a few people like over the year like I remember just kind of 90s

kind of rappers used to work there's a few of them at it kid and play that kind of era who's the

other one who's the other one who's saying uh salt and pepper they were dungaree vibes

don't they that was there calling me bad calling me bad no but they they did the push it push it

real good I don't think that's salt and pepper but I'm sure she had it was either salt or pepper

had the um had the dungarees at least the left eye low as she's doing so I'm saying it was that

there was a kind of 90s r and b vibe to dungarees but they come in and they go back out I think

you look like a complete drip in dungarees I think dungarees should be banned not everyone

though I think there's people that can carry them off I think she should take a series of

sneaky pictures of them print them all out leave them on the bed so we can see for themselves

do you think this is acceptable yeah or just say grow up grow up all right hey Pete uh I know this

is the agony ab section but I feel like this could be uh one I need a bit of brother advice on

he's leaving you at this one though even though it's called the agony of apologies for that uh I

like you I'm have very happily married and think I couldn't have locked out any more than I have when

it comes to my wife and mother of my child I'm more than aware that I'm punching in the looks

department why do all men say this what like that line that's true what punching yeah all men say it

yeah not all men there's plenty that aren't punching every man I know says that to the face yeah but

also it's a nice it's a nice thing for the he's basically complimenting no I know what he's doing

but it's just wearing a bit wearing a bit thin that line get a new line guys

no but I you know you are gorgeous so I what do you want to say you're ugly or something like

you're you've done well yeah you all right you've done well I know you have done well anyway

anyway she's the world's best mother as well uh to our beautiful baby girl and making sure

everything at our house is run smoothly as it can when you take into account she married an

absolute plant pot there is one problem though her feet okay I get this my wife does not take care

of her feet after years of squeezing them into heels two sizes too small uh she's been left

with what I could only describe as a pair of monstrous trotters her big toe sits basically

at a 45 degree angle to the rest of her foot and all the rest of the big toes are bunched up like

scared little piggies huddling in fear against the freak of nature big please not only this

but her poor foot health has evolved into her basically all year round fungal infection the

smell of which is enough to strip paint I love my wife and I've told her on multiple occasions

this is treatable and she should get them looked at but she flatly refuses it's like Jason's foot

it's become a bit of a sticky smelly issue for us in the marriage sometimes when the mood is right

and the bonk beats be be a play and he's like be a play and I find myself recoiling in horror

if I'm ever lucky enough to get a whiff of these nuclear-grade biological weapons of warfare

which is a real mood killer I've thought about maybe getting her a pedicure treatment for

her birthday but I fear this is like putting a plaster on a war wound and it also raises

some ethical questions about having to put some other poor person through the experience of being

up close and personal with them any tip-top toe tips would be greatly appreciated anonymous

that's awful that's absolutely awful horrific so he loves her in every way he thinks she's gorgeous

amazing mother horrendous feet any smell is an issue breath bio feet I remember my feet when

I was playing football like the bottom of it was so hard it still is yeah but not if you

feel it it's not I know you might not want to but I like your feet yeah they are I like your feet

I'm not they're not like I haven't got a phobia of feet I haven't even people have obsessed with

feet either like good like really into it or like think they're repulsive they just I'm definitely

not into it but I'm not repulsed by it like I'm not repulsed by your feet they're not terrible

considering I've played football for so long mine are terrible I've got one for that's nice

and my other foot my show me the nice one I haven't seen that that's my nice one I like it

I like my feet yeah no where's the where's the bad one oh f*** you know

I know I've got a big one I know because it's half a size bigger than the other

is it really well yeah I think so no they're nice your feet man because one one foot

the shoes if I get a pair of shoes it's always tight on that foot so I'd rather get a smaller

shoe because I don't want it too big on the other one and fit that one so I'd rather fit the small

one a bit tight on the I feel like being too tight is better than too big

hmm does that make sense yeah

I don't get it too many men in the room so so that's got a bit of a bunion because I'm always

like squeezing it in all right but I try and have a pedicure are you're feeling lovely often

but yeah you haven't got poor poor hygiene no you've even like I'm not going to say it on the

podcast you've like put your if I was watching telly you put your my toe in your mouth just

disgusted why no I love you in every way so I'm happy putting your toe in my mouth even you know

it was a bit cheesy didn't bother me though it wasn't and you can't smell anyway from from harsh

if there's one thing I haven't got that's smelly feet and I know that for a fact

wasn't the smell it was the taste

you haven't really made I love you um I think how can we help this man I think he's just got a

again he's got a teller it's not good enough you know that that kind of smell like that I think

the way he's described it it's even like having like a bit hot hard skin or dry skin it's not the

end of the world but the smell there's no need it's the whiff of these is nuclear grade biological

weapons of warfare you know we've described them not not great she and then it can be it can be

addressed you know let's let's try and get that sorted because he loves you in every other way

yeah so I enjoyed this podcast great I did too um don't worry about turning 30 that's all I can

say because you've got you know I've got 13 years on you nearly spring chickens I've had the best

13 years they've been brilliant so hopefully they're the same for you um yeah but the best times of

my life have been in my 30s oh awesome you know you don't really know you are in the 20s you just

find in your feet and 30s you're a bit more sure about yourself you feel more a bit more you can

still have the same kind of fun you don't feel any different if if anything you feel better yeah

so yeah go and enjoy those 30s stay in touch contact us on all your socials on all our socials

and we'll see you next week

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