Les Grosses Têtes: PÉPITE - Le concours des histoires drôles

RTL RTL 8/31/23 - Episode Page - 8m - PDF Transcript

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On the website of the hotel, hotelillagune.com, it's obviously a magnificent place.

Spamarin, private beach, small living room, luxury garden, bistro chic gastronomic restaurant.

An intimate escape that offers you such a condition to bet on the good big head,

the one that will know how to laugh with a joke sometimes eclipsed.

Because there, we make the shots with our funny stories.

But still, there are funny stories today.

Let's find out more about the funny stories of our friends.

What do you do in life, Anthony?

I'm a music teacher in college.

Music teacher in college? And you like to joke? You like good jokes?

Ah yes, yes.

Who can tell the best today? Do you want to investigate with me?

It would be nice if we could investigate a little.

Bernard, your story.

Short but good.

Short but good, Madame Diamant.

Well listen, I was going to say short but good, but so I'm going to say short but very good.

Mr. Barbier, you know how to tell stories?

It's the one I have at my disposal and long and excellent.

Very good, Mr. Paul Carache.

Short but vulgar.

You told me that.

Valérie, Valérie.

Mine is very, very good and I'm happy that it's a girl who said it.

And you, sir? Ah, he put his glasses on, sir.

Excuse me, I don't see well.

We're going to say glasses.

No, I agree.

The blue glasses, the blue glasses and the blond hair.

Well, I live in Montmartre, but I have to replace them with this one.

So it's me that I'm going to take the red one.

So go ahead, Michou.

Well, I'm a dickhead, but it's always effective.

So, on whom are you, Anthony?

Well, come on, let's play this game, Jean-François Jean-François.

Jean-François Jean-François.

We're going to start with Mr. Barbier.

Short but good, Jean-François Bernard.

Yes.

A friend said to another, I know a guy who stole his credit card.

He didn't even do the opposition.

So he said, why?

Because he realized that the thief spent less than his wife.

Short but good.

Caroline Guignanot.

She's a woman who accompanied her son for six years.

She's a gynecologist.

And so the word, he thinks it's a little genius

that is very informed about everything that is medical.

It could not be the character, actually.

Exactly.

It's a little genius.

Nothing of what is medical escapes him.

So the doctor asks the kid.

He says, what am I doing here?

A gynecologist.

The gynecologist, yes.

So the gynecologist, yes.

The guy is gynecologist, absolutely.

And he asks the kid.

He says, what am I doing here?

The kid answers him.

Well, you're making a pulp out of my mother.

But a mammography would be preferable.

Okay, what am I doing here?

A pulp of the overs.

But a necography would be more cautious.

So, he can't do gynecology anymore.

So he's going to kiss his mother.

And he looks at the kid and says,

what am I doing here?

And the kid answers him.

Well, you're making a pulp out of me,

because that's why my mother came to consult me.

It's not me.

It's good, it's good.

Mr. Barbier, we're going to be more subtle, I hope.

Oh, so it's not me.

My dear, go ahead.

Paradise, the candidates introduce themselves to Saint-Pierre.

The first one says, I am Picasso.

Very good, Saint-Pierre answers.

But you have to prove that you are Picasso.

The guy makes a drawing, it's very fast.

It doesn't make any sense.

It's Pablo Picasso, Saint-Pierre Sincline.

The second candidate enters and says,

I am Marguerite Duras.

Yes, very good.

But you have to prove that you are Marguerite Duras.

The woman writes a page full of stories

and Saint-Pierre's doubts are quickly dissipated.

It's Marguerite Duras.

The third one enters his turn.

I am Mireille Mathieu.

Oh yes, but you have to prove it.

I don't have anything to prove.

Everyone knows me.

But before you, I have received Marguerite Duras,

it's Pablo Picasso,

and they have to prove their identity.

Who is Marguerite Duras, it's Pablo Picasso.

Then the new candidate asks,

okay, you can come in,

you are Mireille Mathieu.

Now, Paul and Karat,

let's get into the vulgar stories.

Great.

So, a guy asks a girl,

you kiss,

and she says,

champion of judo,

the girl calls him a hellish wimp.

The guy gets up and says,

suppose you don't kiss either.

Oh, in the mouth of the little pole.

Oh, in the mouth of the little pole, it's okay.

In the campings, it can be used.

Valérie Mérès.

In the campings.

Three guys discuss their women.

The first one.

Well, my wife bought a Ferrari

because she didn't have a license,

it's ridiculous.

The second one.

I was even worse,

she bought a lot of tools,

she didn't even have a license.

And the third one.

My wife is even more stupid.

I found a condom in her bag,

she doesn't even have a dick.

And in the end,

by the way,

on which you have bet, Anthony,

so you have to give everything, Jean-Pierre.

Give everything.

So, it's a locator, he calls his owner,

he says, it's an admissible, it's a scandal,

there are rapes everywhere in the apartment you rent.

And the owner says, no, it's not possible,

we did what he was going to do,

there's no drama, he says,

come on, I'll show you.

The owner goes to his locator,

he says, I'm going to show you.

He takes a piece of grill,

he cuts the grill and takes it everywhere in the apartment.

And he says to the owner, look.

Indeed,

two minutes later,

a rock arrives

who's going to look for a piece of grill,

it's a little piece of grill, it's okay.

Two seconds later,

there's another one,

who's going to look for a second piece of grill,

even bigger,

and he goes with it.

And the owner is angry, you see.

And then there's a third rock arrives,

and he's going to look for a third piece of grill,

a big piece of grill,

he goes with it,

with the mull,

the rocks are strong, the rocks, you know.

The owner says,

but it's incredible, he's angry.

And then he says,

what's the group, if we're in the corner?

He says, for the military, we'll see after.

Listen.

Anthony.

Oh, there's the Caltox,

the way we calm down.

Anthony,

this game is completely messed up,

because...

No, not at all.

Jean-François,

he brought his horn with him.

But it's better for you,

you go to Saint-Sypria,

in Tadassau-Terrapie.

Well done.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.

Afin de faire gagner un voyage à un auditeur, les Grosses Têtes se lancent dans un concours d'histoires drôles. Pour les départager, un jury impitoyable : le public de l'émission.

Retrouvez tous les jours le meilleur des Grosses Têtes en podcast sur RTL.fr et l'application RTL.