The Therapy Crouch: Guilty Pleasures

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Right this part of the pod is brought to you by Movenba.

Yes, it's that time of year again.

I'm actually looking forward to it.

You know, I think Movenba is a fantastic cause, and also I think you look quite hot

with the Muzzy.

I, you know, I'm quite pleased that Ab, you know, because it's obviously a campaign

that we, with the podcast and, you know, football podcast, and me personally have supported

at Stoke City, we used to do it as well.

We did a photo shoot together for it, and I had a Tash.

We shot with Greg Williams who's one of our friends and one of the most incredible photographers

and we did this incredible shoot where we were walking around London in these gorgeous

outfits and I had a Tash on too.

Yeah, it's a great cause and also it's a lot of fun.

Right, we've, I've had a lot of fun over the years growing a Tash, but bizarrely like

all the lads that do it, their Mrs is like, I can't wait for this to be over.

I hate his Tash, but Ab quite, quite digs it.

Shall we leave it on, Pete?

It's a bit, um, Viking-ish.

Is it?

So yeah, I'm definitely doing it this year.

But there's so many icons with moustaches.

Look at, you know, Freddie Mercury, Tom Selleck, Hulk Hogan.

Tom Selleck's a strong one.

Yeah.

I don't think I've quite got that.

Yours is a good effort.

It's a good effort.

Your facial hair is a little bit sparse in places.

Well, I don't get it here.

It's just, it's just a goat.

I'll just get rid of all this.

I'm going straight, straight Tash this year.

And for a great cause, let's be honest, you know, they tackle lots of issues.

Yeah.

What are you going to get?

What style are you going to go for then?

Your best friend, Jules, he did the whole curled up at the end one.

That takes a lot of time.

I think you should go kind of, I don't want you to go gimmicky with your Tash,

because I know you want to, I think you probably want to go for the more, you know,

the fun factor and to make everyone laugh.

But I think you should go for like a hot 80s icon vibe.

You know, like Tom Selleck-esque.

Well, I can try.

I'll try my very best.

Hot 80s icon I'm going for this year.

November, although it's a bit of fun, you know, it creates so much awareness

around such important male issues, you know, like suicide prevention, testicular cancer,

prostate cancer, mental health, mental health.

You know, it's an incredible cause on, you know, there is a taboo surrounding men

that they can't open up and they can't talk.

And I think, you know, this is having the big bushy tashes one way to break the ice.

It certainly is.

And if you're helping those, raising awareness of those causes, it's always going to be a good thing.

Definitely.

Now, I want to get some comments from the women.

Do they like the Tash?

Do they detest the Tash?

You know, and let's see some of these efforts.

So if you want to get involved, you can download the app.

You can sign up on movember.com and help change the face of men's health.

Yes, when Starsh is calling, come together, grow together, raise funds and save lives.

Right, back to the pod.

I could be your Lorenzo if you want me to be.

I remember when I used to be a midnight snack.

And I would prepare a pot noona.

Not a sprint, it's a race.

Hello, and welcome back to another therapy crouch with me, Abby Glancy.

And me, Peter Crouch.

So just a quick pub date.

The dog's been re-homed because it's spilt right being around my rug.

I did love the ending of the last part.

No, I just want to apologise to everyone for my abrupt ending last week because, you know, we all know I'm a bit of a clean freak and a bit OCD and a bit mental in that way.

And just as we're about to end our podcast, I put the puppy down on the floor and he knocked the glass over and the rug is still can't be wet.

And, you know, I didn't realise that until I used my carpet cleaner and the vanish spray and completely destroyed the rug.

I'm actually glad that this happened on your side.

If I had have put the dog down and it knocked over my glass, would you have reacted in the same way?

Yeah.

Would you have called me names?

I would have blamed you more, yes.

But it was totally my responsibility.

But, you know, you don't care if the rug's ruined anyway.

No, actually, actually really ruined my day.

Why?

I love that rug.

But for a bit of context, I've got like a huge off-white silk rug and it's covered by, you know, a...

A tapestry, I think you called it that.

From an actual monastery? Was it a monastery?

A tapestry from a palace in Versailles.

Oh, yeah.

So it's...

Is it really?

What did it cost?

Well, never mind.

That looks good.

Sounds like a fucking explosion.

You know, it's a bit of history in the house and, you know, having done my home show, you know, going round people's houses, which is obviously out this week on ITV.

Well...

Plug.

Hello.

But, you know, I'm proud of it.

You know, everyone loves looking round people's houses and, you know, some of the houses, you know, some of them just love interior design and like things to be nice.

But a lot of the houses are went in, especially like Linda Planned, you know, from The Apprentice.

She's like a hugely successful businesswoman, incredible, incredible story.

But she's really obsessed with mid-century furniture and every single item in her home was deliberate and planned and thought about, you know, she does all these searches all over the world for certain pieces that she wants.

I think that's what makes a home, you know, because everything in there told a story and had a bit of history behind it.

So, obviously, introducing a bit of those elements into our own home, which, you know, I love my old, all beautiful pieces.

Well, I've lived in this house for probably seven, eight years, though, and I didn't know we had a tapestry from Versailles.

Those mirrors are from Versailles as well.

Until just now.

No wonder we don't come here.

Exactly. It's our museum.

But I feel like I'm getting a bit of an unfair reputation on this podcast because you always highlight in my likes in a negative way.

Are we?

You know, you're like proper into your golf, you know, it can affect your mood.

You're excited to play, you're excited to explore different courses all around the world.

But I want to bring a bloody mirror in from Versailles and you kick off.

No, I haven't. Like I say, I just didn't even know.

Like, I didn't kick off. I mentioned it eight years later.

I know, but it's, you know, it's just what I'm into.

I like it. I like them.

Can we make a pact to start ridiculing me on this?

Yeah, I just didn't. I didn't have a clue.

You know, this cushion, for instance, as well.

It's lovely.

It's really nice.

How have you felt?

We look a bit messy on this couch today.

Nah, you look alright. Nowhere's than usual.

What has your week been?

Yeah, it's been good.

Busy? Like stuff going on?

Busy.

Is it all good? Has the dog settling in?

Obviously, like last week was an abrupt ending with the carpet.

The dog?

Is it healed?

Is it broken?

No.

No.

No.

Another trip to Versailles, is it?

No, but the tapestry's okay.

You know, that's hundreds and hundreds of years old.

So, you know, that can withstand the test of time.

But the rug is silk and can't be wet.

So, it's kind of the fibres of fuse together.

So, it will need to be either hidden or replaced.

Oh, God.

Hidden sounded like a good option right now.

That was like what you said before.

Like, she wanted this incredible present for Christmas.

She said, if you don't get me that, don't get me anything.

I said, I'll go with the nothing option.

Forgive me the nothing option, I'll take that one.

You've actually told me you've started dropping hints for Christmas.

Golf gear?

I'd like some attire, yeah.

Attire?

Mmm.

Mmm.

I'd like that.

What style are you going for?

Because, you know, back in the day, when your fare started,

you liked the heavily branded golf stuff with the kind of jazzy pants.

Little bit jazzy.

Little bit jazzy.

We got mellowed.

Okay.

As I've got older.

Classic.

What kind of colour palette are you going for?

Kind of, maybe some pastels.

Pastels?

But like, not, not, not, just some dark ones.

Pastels?

Some pastels.

So like mint green, lemon, baby pink.

Mmm.

Yeah, maybe I've got the wrong end of the word pastels.

You mean neutrals?

Yeah, I think, yeah.

I mean, very often.

I like you in navies, baby blue, white, beige.

Yeah.

I need some shorts as well.

Baby don't need shorts, it's, you know, mid-October.

I just need shorts anyway, in general.

My short game this year was a bit more,

if I hadn't bought those Gucci's,

I would have been, I would have been laughed at.

Because my short, the shorts these days seem to be short.

Too short.

Like.

Too short, duck off.

That's what I'm wearing, short shorts.

I'm like, well that,

Yeah, but that's for the kind of beef cake, isn't it?

That's for the beef cake.

Yeah.

You know, they like to show off the thighs.

Well, so it's not for me, is it?

No.

Not my game.

You need more like a cargo shorts or something.

A bit, yeah.

She needs like a pedal pusher.

Just above the knee.

32 inside leg, just above the knee.

32 inside leg, 38 and a half.

My shorts are talking about.

Oh, okay.

So what do you want?

Are you talking about lounging around the house shorts?

No, I'm talking about kind of smart tailored shorts.

Pete, it's mid-October.

Where are you wearing shorts?

Got a little surprise for you, haven't I?

If this is a surprise,

surprise you kept talking about last time.

No, I'm going to take you away.

Side, booked it.

You're going to have the time of your life.

He's full of empty promises, this guy.

No, I'm going to take you away.

It was foolish.

It was sisterly, you know, all over summer.

We haven't even, in the whole of the summer,

we haven't even been on one day together.

The only thing we did together

was the M&S Christmas food taste tonight.

You know, and we were in different directions

because, you know, I've got a sweet tooth and Pete hasn't.

So we weren't even basically together that night.

What a lovely evening though, eh?

Yeah.

And I'm trying to fit in more dates and things.

You know, it's hard to get everything fucking minded, isn't it?

There's ten years to be fair, as we discussed last week.

It's ridiculous, isn't it, really?

A couple that play together stay together.

Do you agree?

It's what you've got to remember.

Agreed.

How's your week been, Pete?

Nothing about me.

Yeah, nothing about me.

Nothing about you.

My week's been, it's been alright, actually.

Yeah, I've been recently.

You've been a bit daddy-day-carrying, haven't you?

Yeah, I've been a bit kind of stay-at-home dad.

I've had the dinner on the table.

You know, the homework done.

Bullshit.

I have, a few times.

Dinner, KFC.

You went to KFC.

Once we went to KFC.

Liberty told me you went to KFC.

Yeah, once.

And then a pot noodle is not suffice for a dinner, Pete.

That's not true.

That's not true.

They don't do pot noodles.

It's cocoa.

That's my little midnight snack.

We'll get into that.

I remember when I used to be a midnight snack.

I prefer a pot noodle.

Lovely, isn't it?

If I woke you up in the middle of the night, you'd go,

oh, fuck off.

If you woke me up in the middle of the night,

I'd punch you in the face.

Exactly, absolutely, no.

I need my sleep, though.

There's never anyone, though.

You know, people that say that, they always go,

yeah, but I need my sleep.

You go, no, you're just being lazy.

Everyone needs their sleep.

Babe.

It's not...

Please don't tell me that I'm lazy.

No, but we know when people go, yeah, but, you know...

I got up at 11, tell you, yeah, but I need my sleep.

That's not an excuse.

Can I just say, in nearly 40 years of being on this earth,

I have never woke up at 11 p.m.

Sorry, 11 a.m.

Ever.

We're at seven.

A lie in for us is half seven, and that's the truth.

But what I'm saying is you can function

unless sleep, then I can.

You know, I don't do well with...

I think, personally, it's mind over matter.

I think it's...

You...

People say that.

They don't want to get out of bed.

Don't even say that.

No, I'm not saying it to you.

I'm not saying it to you.

I don't think you're like that.

I just think there are people in general that go,

yeah, but I need my sleep, you know.

I don't function well without sleep.

I generally...

Are you making me tired?

That is...

Like, I think that is an excuse.

You know, do you know Jared Leto?

Yeah.

You know, he's like 54.

Is he, yeah?

And he looks incredible.

And he does this whole no sugar, no alcohol,

you know, not an inflammatory in his diet, eats well,

but he guarantees eight hours sleep a night.

Eight hours...

We did a whole sleep thing when I was playing football,

and it was...

You need eight hours, you know, uninterrupted sleep.

It's important.

And it's so much...

It just is so many kind of factors as to why...

But you can't repair, and you kind of...

I was reading this thing about sleep the other day,

and you kind of mind resets in a certain time,

and if you have less than eight hours,

it doesn't kind of filter itself,

and your cells can't repair and all of this stuff.

It's so important.

But I find like, I'm tired at like four o'clock,

and then you're desperate to get into bed,

and then when you get into bed, I can't sleep.

Well, we had this sleep trainer at home football,

and he also said that like, 15 minutes, kind of,

in the middle of the day, is like the equivalent of like,

three hours almost.

Really?

Yeah, it's so...

If you can get it, it's so beneficial.

The thing is, you need to just nod off, don't you?

As soon as you think about, like, having a nap,

when you go, oh, I'm going to get me blanking

and setting the couch and thinking...

No, you can't sleep.

What should I tell you and all that?

You just need to be on the couch,

and you just go like that, don't you?

Yeah, it's really beneficial.

We've just got these amazing things for the kids,

because, you know, sometimes it's like hard

getting all the kids to bed, and then, you know,

giving the iPad for like five minutes,

homework's done, dinner's there, bass, into bed,

giving the iPad.

We've got these little things called YOTO.

I think they're called like YOTO machines.

What's that?

I had to download the app.

These like little, kind of like little boxes,

and a YOTO player.

And you insert cards in them,

and there's all loads of stories.

So there's a line which in the wardrobe,

Winnie the Pooh stories, all Roald Dahl stories.

There's a thing on Mbappe, which I didn't listen to.

And then came with these headphones as well.

So I just put it next to the bed,

and the boys went to sleep listening to this story.

And I think that's incredible just for your language

to relax you.

And like the kids are so excited the next day,

going to bed saying, we want to finish a story.

But in one of the things,

Liv was sitting there with the headphones on,

like dancing.

I'm like, what are you listening to?

And she went, queen.

She's listening to queen's greatest hits.

Or a ledge.

Good things.

Do you know what?

I think they're the best things we've invested in lately.

They're good, because it's like,

it's that trying to get the kid off the iPad game,

and you just do anything to try and do it.

There's nothing better than a lovely story

to go to bed with, isn't it?

It's a lot to famous five.

Class them, I think.

Yeah, I suppose it's the audio book kind of thing now, isn't it?

I do like that.

I think it's great.

It's nice to visualise.

And also you fall asleep much quicker, I think.

It's calm, and I think it kind of sets the tone to go to sleep.

So yeah, really happy with them.

Yeah.

Whereas we seem to just put on Netflix or Amazon

and just watch people get murdered.

I don't.

You do.

I don't like that.

Lots of people do that.

We did it last night.

That's an amazing new series on ITV.

Jenna Coleman, then?

No, it's called The Long Shadow or something.

I thought it was about me at one stage.

That's why we turned it on.

It was about a girl from Leeds who got murdered

and left four kids behind.

And she was a prostitute.

It's called The Long Shadow, and it was amazing.

Well, yes, good.

Really dark, but amazing.

The only problem is, it's like,

well, you used to just get straight through.

Should we watch another one?

Yeah, should we do five minutes?

Let's do five minutes.

That's your favourite shot there.

Let's do a little.

Should we turn it off?

We've got to get up early tomorrow.

She's like, we'll just do five minutes.

Do you fall asleep with it on

and then wake up in the middle of the night?

She does.

No, I fall asleep to the TV and then Pete turns it off.

No.

Generally.

So we had a photo shoot together,

which we don't normally do,

obviously with the book coming out this week.

We had to do a lot of press for it.

Because we do this together,

but we don't really do any work stuff together, do we?

We try not to.

What?

But your photo shoots are your game, aren't they?

And I don't feel...

I'm kind of out of my comfort zone doing that.

I'm like, Pete, open your eyes.

Like Pete's face is...

And I'm like, open your eyes on every picture.

But did you find that difficult?

Yeah.

I thought your pictures on your own were phenomenal.

Yeah, they were actually quite nice.

They turned out nice.

But I don't particularly enjoy that, though.

I feel like a bit of a twat, to be honest.

What was the brief for the shoes?

There was a few pictures that were like Brad and Angelina.

It's hilarious when the references are like John and Yoko, Brad and Ange,

and then there was two ferret twats.

Twint and twat.

Twint and twat.

Yeah, but you're a model.

I mean, you look good.

But it's so annoying,

because when we're going through the pictures,

and there's an amazing one of me and Pete's got his eyes like that.

And then when Pete looks amazing, I'm like that.

So you can never kind of...

It was hard to capture us both.

I kind of like the more off-guard pictures, you know...

Candid.

Candid, caught in the moment.

But, you know, it was good.

It's a nice day at the office together.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a nice thing to do.

And we got those pictures, like I said,

can you send me them,

because I'll put them on my little screensaver or not.

I haven't been on your screensaver for a while.

Yeah, you have.

I think you're on there quite a lot.

There you go, look at that.

Oh, yeah.

That's nice.

It's a nice one, isn't it?

The kids have done that one where you keep changing,

you know, you keep changing.

Oh, yeah, how do you do that?

I don't know, I think I obviously not.

I want to do that on mine.

Yeah, it's quite good,

because the thing is you don't forget

that it's your phone,

because you have a different screensaver every time.

I'm like, who's that?

Who's that?

Who's that?

It's a bit annoying.

Surely that's not my wife.

Yeah.

How did I bag that?

How many jokes?

That's a nice one, isn't it?

I love that portrait of you.

It's like my favourite,

the two favourite pictures of Pete, of mine, are

one of them when he played for England.

Lining up.

So what year was that, 2010?

No, God, that was, I think that was,

yeah, it must have been about 2009, 2010.

I think it was 2009, actually.

And it's just my favourite picture ever of him.

And then that one that's in the National Portrait gallery.

Yeah, the National Portrait gallery blew up.

Go away.

Yeah, it's a weird one.

It's like, it wasn't like a mad photo shoot.

It was just one picture that they took.

It was almost before training, but...

It just caught something so special.

I just love that picture.

It was a weird one.

It went in the National Portrait gallery.

I remember my mum going up there

and taking a picture of it.

I really want Bradley Theodore to recreate that for us.

I was going to get you that made.

Really?

Yeah.

I saw David Yarrow.

Like, we've got David Yarrow, haven't we?

It takes the pictures of the animals.

He did a picture of Erling Harland.

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

It's in Viking in the water, too.

Sorry?

Right up in the valley.

Look good, look good, though.

He's not...

You want a tape?

No.

He's not the right kind of Viking.

No.

Hmm.

Am I the right type of Viking?

Yeah, you are.

I think you should go for it as a Viking for Halloween.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Like your birthday cake.

Get that outfit.

Birthday cake?

It's birthday cake, don't remember?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Viking birthday cake.

Yeah.

So I actually think you're really photogenic, to be honest.

That was...

I love those pictures of you where you're, like, just looking off.

And I think you don't give yourself enough credit,

because I know you feel really uncomfortable,

but when you take me to work with you

on some of the things that you do.

And I have to do it.

My job now basically entails dicking around.

Yeah, but you're good at that.

I am a dick.

You're not a dick.

You're not a dick, but you're, like, funny,

and you can take the piss out of yourself

where I literally want to drop dead.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I don't know, I think...

I find that really easy, because it's just, like...

I think everyone takes themselves too seriously.

You're the kind of person where you're, like,

right, I'm just going to get there, get in there,

and give it my all.

And just do it.

Because what I've found is that when you do these things

and sometimes you feel a bit uncomfortable,

like, the more you feel uncomfortable,

the more uncomfortable it is.

You'd best just go out for it.

Yeah, but I was like that on Strictly.

Like, even though I won, we've talked about it before,

like, I still want to, like...

Oh!

Do your best.

No, I still want...

I'm still so furious with myself for letting nerves take over.

You know, I did win it, but I could have done it ten times better

if nerves didn't hold me back,

whereas you are so good at, you know, holding a room.

Thanks.

For some reason.

But then you have had quite a lot of practice,

you know, playing football in front of, like,

60,000 people a week.

Yeah, but you still get nervous with lots of things that I do.

But I've been able to kind of cope with it.

And I suppose the football over the years has helped me.

Right, shall we get into the weekly wines?

Yeah.

Yeah, my weekly wine this week kind of evolves a bit last week.

And it's about the rug.

You know, the amount I've heard about it this week,

you know, you're talking to people getting advice.

You're talking about replacement rugs.

You know, you've bought a new carpet cleaner,

a new hoover, as if we need another one.

There's a new hoover.

And what does this do? Steam?

No.

What does it do then?

How do you know about that?

What?

How do you know about my utility room?

So the car chair.

Are you talking about the car chair?

Yeah, that thing.

Just gag out.

I thought they had the sprays outside.

Well, I've got a car chair jet wash,

but that's the kind, this is like the steam.

Because obviously with the animals and, you know,

and kids, you know, I want to be safe.

But the thing is you brought the animals into our life

and that's caused the issue in the first place.

The car chair anyway.

If I didn't have kids or animals, I'd have a car chair.

You didn't have a car chair until... until...

Because it's new.

It's new. It's a new thing.

What, the steam clean?

Mm-hmm.

But I'm just saying there's so many hoovers now in this house.

I told you.

I'm going to try and be dirty, yeah?

I'm going to try.

Yeah.

The cleaners are whistled the moment, aren't they?

Basically a walk-in-hand sanitiser.

OK, audience wines.

You got one?

Would you like a wine?

No.

This fucking cushion with another wine.

Fucking hell.

Cushions everywhere.

So you've not got one?

You generally...

I'm not even going to...

You're going to...

I'm not even going to rise to it.

No.

I'm not going to rise to you.

So we're getting to the audience.

You've got no problems with me whatsoever.

Oh, I've got problems.

I've got problems with you, mister.

Yeah.

But they're not suitable for our audience.

OK.

All right, well, let's hear someone else's there.

I'll think one as well.

I'm sure you will.

Absolutely.

I don't doubt that.

How come husbands always have selective hearing?

Tell them for two weeks about going out.

Hell, yes, sister.

Tell them for two weeks about going out

and they'll have the kids, etc.

Then it comes to the night before and they'll say,

I didn't know you were going out.

Oh, yes, you did.

I've told you for two weeks.

The next day you get the silent treatment

and it's casted up the next two weeks.

I think, yeah, this happens.

But you think I do this to you?

It's like when Pete doesn't tell me about a golf trip

or whatever, because he's like,

I'll tell you the day before

because I'll have a day of grief instead of two weeks of grief.

I totally agree with that, to be honest.

I couldn't care.

It's exactly the same.

I couldn't care less where you went.

It's much more condensed.

I couldn't care less where you went,

but it's only for planning.

You always seem to plan stuff when it's...

Yeah, but I see it the other way round.

You only ever seem to have stuff in the diary

when I've got stuff on.

We're all free, whatever,

and then I'll go, right,

I'm going to go on this kind of golf trip

and you'll be like, that's the day that I'm doing this

every time.

Missing out on so much.

Well...

That was a nice little smile.

I don't mind, though.

You are lovely.

Do you want to read that one?

It's only one sentence.

You could probably do it.

Is Peter allowed to come on my stag do with the lads?

Benadorm, April next year.

Yes, yes.

Yeah, because I'm definitely divorced in my then,

so he can do what he wants.

Is that just a non?

That's a non.

No way.

Now, get in touch, whoever you are.

I've got a few videos from your dad from Benadorm.

I'm actually going on a Hendo in a couple of days.

Oh, yeah, you are.

Wow.

I'm going on my first ever bachelorette.

Magic Mike.

Well, I'm not going to reveal it yet

because I know my best friend, Holly,

listens to the pod and it's all top, top secret.

So are you organizing a lot of this?

Yeah, along with Laura.

So Laura is a lot more efficient than I am.

And, you know, she's taking the reins on the logistics

because, you know, she's just good at that.

And she's, you know, she loves it really.

But, you know, we've got some incredible surprises

as opposed to our sleeve.

But I heard you talking to Scott,

Ellie's boyfriend, my sister's boyfriend saying,

oh, I'm off that weekend.

Maybe we should head over to where we're going

and kind of like gay crash or bachelorette.

So no, I wouldn't do that.

Because we don't go anywhere without each other.

Pete might do the odd golf trip like once or twice a year,

but generally we don't do anything fun without each other.

We don't really.

We like to do things together.

So if we're either doing it together

or our group of friends, as you know, Ross, you're in it.

We're always together.

So it's quite a big deal for me.

You know, I'm the biggest wuss on earth.

I don't like staying away from home.

I have to have, you know, but I'm excited.

You know, Holly deserves this happy ending that she's got.

And, you know, I can't wait.

We've got all themed outfits and...

Do you get that?

You'll enjoy it.

Don't make it every week, OK?

Pete didn't go mad at me for going to work.

Hater, don't you?

I'll leave you here with me, babe.

At all times.

You make out, it's like me like trapping you in.

You just can't bear being away from me.

True or not?

No, I like it.

At least I like being around you.

That's good. That's fine, isn't it?

I like being around you.

It's good. It's fun.

I enjoy it.

But I want you to have a good time.

Genuinely, I want you to have...

I want you to go and have a good time.

Good. Thanks.

We will.

You worry about that?

Not too good a time.

Well, I'm here holding a fort.

Viking theme.

Yeah.

I'm hiding a load of...

Going to Norway.

What a great idea.

Going to find some Vikings.

You should have done that.

Fucking hell.

Why am I?

You should have gone with it.

I know, yeah.

Am I getting involved in this?

Don't want anything to do with it.

All right, new one.

You'll be glad to know there's no Willy straws in sight.

OK.

It's a classy affair.

Shit.

There's a new Iq unlocked.

Oh, good.

The Gile on a man.

Gile.

My fiance, she's done the emoji,

the throwing up emoji.

I don't mind a Gile.

Quite Italian.

My fiance started wearing one.

Is it cheeky to give the ring back?

Love the pod guys.

Can't wait to see my fiance's reaction as you read this out.

Gile.

Pete's got a Gile with an electronic Gile.

With...

Warmer.

Remote control.

It's like an electric blanket Gile.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Incredible.

It's for those cold days on the sideline of the pitch,

doing a football, just warms the bod.

I've got socks as well, but I lost the charger.

You need more body fat?

Well, yeah, I've always needed that.

And that berry Gile I bought you, you love.

Yeah.

And you've got a barber one.

Yeah.

My dad's the biggest fan.

Of course, because you're quite free with the swing.

And warm up the sock.

You're like quite like a thin one, though.

Like a dead, like almost like a thin jacket.

Or do you like the big puffy ones, like a northeast one?

I like the puffy ones.

I think skulls.

Yeah.

They're better like...

The puffy ones are real dog walking or something like that.

My dad loves one, doesn't he?

Yeah, he does.

He's got loads.

So you're saying that Gile's not too bad?

No, because I think, like, you know, when we go...

Well, a million years ago, when you used to take me on city breaks,

we...

Like, if you go to, like, Italy, like all the Italian men,

you've got, like, a Hogan trainer on,

a little Gile, a nice cashmere,

a pair of sunglasses.

Yeah, they do look smart, actually.

You know, it's classic, it's smart, timeless.

But is Dave from Blackpool carrying it off the same way

as Lorenzo from Florence?

Oh, Lorenzo.

That's what I...

I love that name, don't I?

That's Pete's roleplay name.

Lorenzo or Alciandro?

Alciandro.

Lorenzo.

Chabela.

Chabela.

Lorenzo's a name.

Lorenzo.

What bloody name that is?

It's from Pete's delivery guy.

Yeah.

Lorenzo's here with your...

Dr. Papa, whatever you thought.

Mr. Papa.

Papa John.

Papa John.

Where did you stand on the old roleplay?

I could be your Lorenzo if you want me to be.

If you be my back.

I'll come in with the Gile.

And then I'll express, though, in the morning.

Muldra red in your mouth.

I think Italians smell sexy than Spanish.

Yeah, Italian is...

They always look smart.

There's a reason why, you know, a lot of the designers are Italian.

They do look smart.

They are the epitome of style, I think.

Whenever we've been to Italy, I always come back thinking

I want to be... I want to dress more Italian.

Last about, you know.

Then the Gile and the fucking Ones come on.

The on-dog walk and boots and his electric Gile.

So I think that this...

You actually went on a dog walk in your pyjama bottoms the other day.

Pete, oh, I know.

I've thought of a wine for you.

Your, for me, or not for me, just a wine in general,

that all your tracky bottoms have gone missing.

Yeah, they have.

He was wearing them.

Do you know what I mean?

They've gone missing. It's a joke.

Like, I can't really...

They were dog walking trousers.

Oh, hey, some tracksuit bottoms.

Have you been them up?

No.

Oh.

Everything's labelled.

He went mental at me in the dressing room.

And he's like, there's no tracky bottoms in here.

Like, I have labelled all of his drawers.

This is the problem.

Like, she's organised the drawers.

But, like, they're organised for herself.

Like, I don't know where anything is now.

Ross, they've got stickers on it.

There's sweatpants, sweatshirts, hoodies,

pajama bottoms, songs.

Well, maybe that's what we get.

That's why we get them wrong.

Tell them about them.

And then, because he'd put one jumper,

so obviously they all rolled up so neat, colour-coordinated.

And because he'd rolled just put one jumper,

like flat, like how you'd normally put a jumper in,

covered the whole row of tracky bottoms folded up.

Let's get to the bottom of this.

You don't mind the G-Late, but...

Well, I'm a farm girl at heart.

G-Lates aren't too bad.

What are you talking about?

I am, you know...

Brought some a crock of a farm girl at heart.

No, but I mean, that's the kind of thing I like.

I'm an outdoorsy girl.

I am an outdoorsy girl.

Now, whether I like, whether it's on an Italian city break

or a walk in the farm, a G-Late is fine for me.

It's okay without.

All right, staying corrected.

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Nice.

Right, so the reason behind this podcast,

it's in relation to things that men stroke women love

but hate to admit, okay, guilty pleasures.

I think men have...

I think men have so much more guilty pleasures than women.

Because I do think, you know, in a relationship,

women generally, in a heterosexual relationship,

women don't generally like a lot of things that men like.

I can say that again.

Whereas the men do like what the women like.

You know, men could be, you know,

I'm just talking like basic stuff like,

you know, your partial to the odd facial.

You know, I do this, get this thing at home.

Ruby app.

So Ruby app's amazing.

So, you know...

Oh, yeah.

I love you too.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Churchill.

Oh, yeah.

So Ruby app, poor girls here till midnight

because Pete's like, oh, can you squeeze me in

for a little Doctor Levy facial?

I'd really, you know.

I loved it, it was great.

So Ruby app is an app that come round to your house

and they do all beauty treatments,

or, you know, massages, facials, nails, waxing, anything.

I had a midnight back sack and crack.

Did you?

The Hollywoods.

Incredible.

Like a seal down there.

More like a Richmond sausage.

Cocktail.

Cocktail, yeah.

Smooth as a baby's bottom.

I didn't really have one, but like,

I did have a facial.

But that's a guilty pleasure that you like.

Well, very much so.

I wouldn't like to admit that,

but thanks for bringing it up.

She was here anyway.

I didn't book her, you know,

and I had the facial and it was spectacular.

But your skin really takes well to a facial, I think.

Yeah, and I radiate now.

You do?

I'm happy with it.

I was happy with it.

But I also loved that face gym we went to.

Yeah, face gym as well.

That's amazing.

I think we've talked about this before,

but, you know, they massage your face.

And what she said is like 50 odd or 200 muscles in your face.

But when you have a massage, you don't massage your face.

50 or 200.

Between that.

There's lots of muscles in your face, basically,

but you don't get that massaged.

So that's a guilty pleasure,

but you also like watching, you know,

tripe on TV that I like watching,

pretend that you don't.

Guilty pleasure-wise.

Well, guilty pleasure-wise,

I'm thinking like treats and things like that.

I love packet crisps.

And I'm partial.

That's not a guilty pleasure.

No, because everyone would say they like crisps, surely.

Oh, really?

Guilty.

Guilty like something that you'd be a bit like,

you can embarrass to admit.

Sort of up to date with the tiktok.

Like picking your nose and eating it.

Big guilty pleasure.

Guilty pleasure.

Do you?

Do you pick your nose and eat it?

Sometimes.

Do you sometimes eat it?

I haven't done them on the myth on this part.

You know, when I've seen someone do that,

when I was in the car next to them,

they're like in a traffic jam.

Yeah.

And something just come over me

and I just start to beep at me whole.

And I'm going to that.

Through the window.

You were telling him.

It was disgusting.

I was in his own space.

Picking your nose and eating it.

Yeah.

If my kids would, you'd tell them,

if you can't pick someone,

like pull someone else up for it, can you?

Yes.

100%.

What do you think?

What's my guilty pleasure, would you say?

What's something that you wouldn't want people to know

that you like?

Well, it's not what people wouldn't.

Kind of is, yeah.

Thought that you wouldn't like to admit.

It's a bit cringy.

So it'd be my music taste, isn't it?

You're against the rap that you listen to.

I love every genre, to be honest.

Yeah, but you are a big fan of the kind of 90s R&B flavours.

I love that.

I love Simply Red.

You know, people get, you know,

people are disgusted when I say that.

Simply Red get a hard time, but I love Simply Red.

I think you too and Simply Red get a hard time.

You too, don't get hard.

How can anyone say anything bad about you too?

You too get a rough ride.

I think you too, not so much Bono,

get a tough down money.

But this is Jealousy.

It's Jealousy.

And the sunglasses.

Absolute ledge, Bono.

So glassy.

But there was a lot of, I think,

kind of preaching in some state, one stage as well.

Yeah, but you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't.

You know, you're given a platform and people, you know,

want you to use that to kind of raise...

We said that in the show,

the one-man show we went to in Naples.

Yeah, but people, you know,

are given this platform and are expected to use that

to raise issues and create awareness.

And then when they do, you get beaten with it.

Just fuck them.

OK, don't slag Bono off either, Bono.

Definitely don't.

Would you say Jeannie Queen with a guilty place of yours, Peter?

A huge guilty pleasure of mine.

For anyone who doesn't know who Jeannie Queen are,

they were Abby's first band.

No, I don't.

She is very, very...

She's very embarrassed about, and I don't know why.

I'm not embarrassed about it.

I don't want to talk about that on the...

So why don't you want to talk about it? That's what I'm going to say.

Because I don't want to raise awareness of it.

OK, you don't...

I'm not using my platform.

You don't want to...

You don't want to talk about it.

But I don't...

Yeah, it's a guilty pleasure.

We're talking guilty pleasures.

And my guilty pleasure is going back and listening to Jeannie Queen

because they are a phenomenal band.

And one of the singers in particular

is gorgeous and has an amazing voice.

And people haven't heard that enough.

I've got no idea what you're talking about.

That's my guilty pleasure.

Guilty pleasure.

Cultural phenomenon.

What's your guilty pleasure, Russ?

This podcast.

Do you reckon people say that?

They're going to say,

I thought they were both twats,

but it's like their guilty pleasure.

I think they didn't think we were that twat

until we listened to this.

I think it was the other way round.

Yeah, I've heard someone...

A lot of people have come over to me

and said your podcast is my guilty pleasure.

I think it's people that probably thought that they didn't...

They weren't avanars.

And then they might actually like it.

And then in their circle of friends,

they probably would say...

Some of our friends,

they were like super-duper,

super-duper-duper intelligent with the most high-powered jobs

and well-respected people

listen to our podcast.

That would be a guilty pleasure to them

because they couldn't possibly admit

that they listened to this drill.

Yeah.

If we're talking about beaver emojis and things like that,

I think there are people that I know that listen to this

that are probably very different

or different circles or different life to us,

but listen.

And I've met quite a few.

It's always really nice kind of hearing that they listen

because you're like, wow, wasn't expecting that,

which is good.

But sometimes I think people just want to listen to

a little bit of light-hearted fun.

Light-hearted fun.

Definitely.

Don't you?

Agreed.

But I think I try and do that as much as possible.

Which?

Just everything light-hearted.

It's like there are so many kind of serious topics in the world

and there's so many problems.

And it can get on top of you.

Even if you just turn the telly on, it can get on top of you.

So sometimes it's just getting away from it.

And I think that's what this podcast is.

We're not solving problems worldwide here, are we?

We're literally chatting, having a laugh

and I think people resonate with it.

Laugh and out loud is a solution to a lot of things.

It's definitely a tonic and it definitely helps laughter.

And you know, belly laughing, oh goodness, belly laughing.

I love it.

It's the best, isn't it?

Favorite thing to do.

It's my favorite thing to do.

The thing is if you're laughing, you're the opposite of depressed, right?

And if you are depressed, if you manage to break out of that with a laugh,

it's going to go some way to helping you get out of the problem you're in.

And it's a welcome distraction, isn't it?

Yes.

You know, sometimes it's hard for people to escape their problems

and what's going on.

But if you can have like, you know, an hour of fun, fun packed hour.

Some fun packed hour, yeah.

Certainly is.

Any other guilty pleasures?

TV.

Like a place in the sun, home or away.

You do love that, don't you?

I love it.

I don't mind it either.

I don't mind it.

Did you tell you what my dad said to me?

No.

And I was like, Dad, I've got this new show coming out on ITV,

this Ontario show.

And he was like, oh, that's fab that you said you should get yourself on that

Homes Under the Hammer with Dion.

Dion.

I was like, no, it's a different thing, Dad.

He was like, sitting in that auction, watching them buy it.

A bargain hunt, isn't it?

Yeah.

No.

Bargain hunts the one with the different...

Homes Under the Hammer.

Oh, sorry.

It's called Homes Under the Hammer as in auction hammer.

So what's the one with Dion then?

Homes Under the Hammer.

Bargain hunts is where they go around like antique stalls.

And then they try and get something for cheap.

And then they go to an auction and then try and flog it for more.

Homes Under the Hammer is people, they follow someone's journey from the auction house,

bidding on a house to doing it up to potentially rent it out or selling it.

Right, OK.

That's it.

OK.

But Placing the Sun's great.

Yeah.

My mum loves that Christmas movie channel.

See that on Sky?

No.

It's just like Christmas ronkoms on the on, like throughout the May, June, July, August.

She always just watches them, doesn't she?

She does love them.

She absolutely loves them.

When she was with us for a while, she said they were just always on.

I think it's called 24 Hour Movies or something like that.

24 Hour Movies channel.

It's always like a Christmas...

It's like such a cheesy...

Channel.

Yeah, it is.

I like The Wheel.

You love The Wheel?

In fact, I like...

It was usually on Saturday nights.

The Wheel.

I never know when it's on, but I just see it as...

The Wheel.

Michael McIntyre is great, isn't he?

Yeah.

Don't you think?

OK, so what about Vin Diesel?

He's one of your guilty pleasures we've spoken about quite often.

No, he absolutely isn't.

What the hell?

You're the one that...

You were like that Vin Diesel type.

You said that?

No, I said girls like in a bad boy.

I'm like, no, that's totally, you know, not my thing.

I would prefer the nice guy any day of the week.

What do you say to the people that say,

girls finish last in business, in success?

Well, it's not a sprint.

It's a race.

It's not a marathon.

It's not a sprint.

It's a marathon.

Here we go.

It's what I would say to them.

Do you know what they're going to put that on your tombstone?

It's not a sprint.

It's a race.

Can we stop talking about me dying, please?

It doesn't do anything for my health, I have to.

My God.

Do you know how I'm going to follow you around that?

It's not a sprint.

It's a race.

It's a race.

Abby Clancy.

2023.

Shut up, we can edit that out.

No, we can't.

No, I...

you know, the good guy finishes last.

You could interpret that...

in a different way.

there's also treat people like that you know as how you'd want to be treated

yourself like on the way up because you meet them on the way down that kind of

thing and that they did they'd almost help you back up but if you stood on

them on the way up they're not gonna help I think that's very a very important

thing I don't think people just so you get get things should just be nice

anyway what I mean you just got to be a good person that's what I'm saying

because you should be a good person sometimes I end up being a bad person

for being a good person do you know what I mean no like I always get myself into

trouble like you know like maybe sticking up for people and then causing

drama and then I'm in trouble I think drama follows you round I think as

women in general they they love a bit drama I think they make things probably

some men some men's guilty pleasures is drama like I've noticed people like that

Scott eat he is a proper drama whore I don't understand why people like drama

what's going on with that they're like Scott say have you heard this she said

this you know he loves getting involved in girls drama loves it absolutely loves

it can't feel anything word haven't clocked that but I'm gonna know you've

got to get on it yeah even people come over and they're so excited to tell you

something bitchy I think I just do not understand it come over and go see what

she said she was she said over there oh my god you'll never guess what she said

and you're like and it's gonna hurt the person and she grasps in someone else

yeah but they love it what is that I don't like to bitch at all in general and

that's honest truth but I do bitch to you

because you're safe

I'm a sponge yeah bitchiness you're a bitch sponge because you know a bitch

sponge I don't want to be one of those

do you know what I mean you'll rather be a bitch but you but you have told me off

before for bitching but like I think sometimes like when you'll say something

bitchy about and then I said no then that does you do take that on board

yeah but you wouldn't class me as a bitchy person generally no not at all

but I'm talking about bitching about the painters stuff like that yeah yeah all

right well you know guilty pleasures I think really quite understand the real

bit but I think that's because I'm over 40 mm well I'm not that's why I really

understood it yeah all right well thanks for educating me on the TikTok trend

guilty pleasures we're talking about like planning my 40th I can't wait to plan

your 40th I can't wait well what I should have said there is I can't wait to get

your 40th wrong you won't get it wrong Pete because I'll tell you exactly what

what do you want I want simply red oh shut your mouth you can't just get

simply red you can't it's not possibly broken up well he's on tour farewell

no Pete it's so funny because they come up on my phone it was like simply red

on tour and I was like Pete it's on Monday Pete's phone and I'm trying to

get a box for us to go and see simply read and it was 25 yeah so I managed to

get them it's just two years away all right let's do some agony apps all right

hi abby peter and Ross all right well Ross has got a mention there and don't

continue with that if you don't mind listeners he's nothing to us anyway I've

got a question regarding cosmetic surgery I've had a few tweaks over the

years nose job liposuction do not recommend because it fucking hurts few

tweaks fillers and Botox etc I don't necessarily look like I've had any work

done apart from once when I went too hard on the Botox that was ropey so it's

not like I'm walking around looking like a piece of plastic but as subtle as the

tweaks were it made me feel much better about some horrible insecurities from

bullying my snozz was enormous in my youth and improvements from weight loss

I'd say now I'm an average level of attractiveness rather than a big fat

troll under the bridge anyway I feel better for it and I'm markedly more

confident after the surgeries too now here's the dilemma I found myself single

for the first time in eight years it's a grim world out there been seeing a guy

for a while now and things are going well however the other day he was saying

to me he'd never ever be attracted to a girl who's had surgery or fillers because

it's gross and people who alter themselves are vain and should be happy

with what they've got he sounds like a right dick this took me slightly back

because he doesn't know about my tweaks but he was also so strongly against it

I wasn't sure how to react I did say to him that it's not usually about being

vain it's more about people feeling better about themselves and he doubted

he doubled down saying it's a mental illness and actually quite sad gross and

always really obvious when people are fucked around with themselves

he sounds horrible doesn't he?

I didn't fess up but I now weirdly feel guilty and a bit blur

obviously I don't think things are going to be going much further with that

narrow-minded pee head but I now feel like a fraud how do I broach the

subjects with potential partners or does one just keep these secrets to the

grave?

Number one get rid of him because he sounds disgusting and number two be kind to

yourself and number three it's your body you can do whatever you want and you

don't have to explain to anyone if it's something you know so what if you don't

want to have a wrinkle so what if you you know if you want a tweak here in there

if she feels better for herself you can do what you want and it's definitely a

for some people definitely a way of making them feel more confident about

themselves and I think that should be praised obviously you know having

surgery is a big thing and you know having unnecessary operations is you

know not always the right answer but if something makes you feel better and

more confident as a person you shouldn't have to explain that to anybody and I

also think you know carrying this burden of oh it's a secret it's not there's so

many people out there have had loads of stuff done that no one knows or no one

a question but you know you feel good like who cares if you're gonna do it

you need to get the right advice obviously and especially if you're

suffering and that you can people are like traumatized from like bullying

when the younger like if they've had like you know over their appearance their

nose their weight whatever and you know if that's one mechanism if having a

little tweak here and there is a mechanism for them to you know kind of

overcome that then why not obviously definitely as you say do your research

and you know because it can't be dangerous you don't want to do any like

botch jobs but it's no one's business yeah and also I don't think he sounds

you know but I suppose that's his point of view and he doesn't know that she's

had it so so he doesn't know much about it then does he sounds like he's

projecting I think it does sound like he's projecting and also I think you

have to be careful about things that you say because you know she could just sit

around and say well you know I've had my whole body done and then what would he

say then maybe she should say that see what he says to that because you've

also proven wrong because he's like you can always tell I don't never be

attracted to anyone like that and you go well obviously we've seen each other

he didn't seem to be through bothered last night exactly make drop see you

later yeah that's true but gain you know get the right advice I mean I'm lucky

I'm perfection I've never needed it but you've had three nose job yeah all right

can I just say they're not cosmetic ones that does nose broken three times it's

still not great what were your thoughts on that Ross because she wanted your

opinion oh yeah I give mine I said I think he's projecting I think that she

should have probably told them and said that actually I think completely wrong

you've been with me for the past whatever few months and you hasn't

so far and you're a complete jail shut the door on your way off yeah he does

sound narrow-minded okay hi Evan Pete I love the part I love the part and I'm

currently suffering a moral dilemma in how to deal with my neighbor's kid

kids other people's kids since you two sound like good parents I thought you

might be able to help I live in a cul-de-sac on a ground floor flat with a

patio area looking out on the communal parking slash road area it's nice and it

sounds some of the people near me have kids who play in this area I have no

problem with this whatsoever and as the kids are nice it causes me no issues at

all however there's one little lad no older than seven who was taking an

interest in me when I'm outside on the patio either when I'm having a coffee at

lunch having a cigarette watching stuff on my phone he walks over and either

sits on a chair or nestles next to me and continues to ask questions peered

through my doors I have to stop whatever I'm doing take off my headphones

stop out the sick and engage in conversation just when I want to chill

out be by myself as the kids are back at school I now don't go outside into the

patio from three to eight so I can avoid this awkward and frankly uncomfortable

encounter I've even found myself on occasions re-enacting Mickey Flanagan's

Mickey Flanagan's famous peeping sketch making sure the coast is clear before I

can come outside and relax for 20 minutes on my own patio this is also proven

ineffective as he spots me from what I presume his bedroom window and continues

to shout hello and then come out of his house to talk to me I feel genuinely

uncomfortable during the combos as I've only as I've only been in my place for

a few months so it'd be very strange befriending a seven year old consider

I'm a 28 year old single a 28 year old single bloke with no kids of my own he's

nice and polite young lads so am I being overdramatic or do I just need to get

over it or can you understand where I'm coming from if so how do I get to stop

and coming over thanks Henry from Berkshire I love that message I love

that message it's so funny it is cute but you know you've got to be careful I

also definitely understand this point of view like sometimes you just want to

chill and come out and just don't talk to anyone you want to do that with our own

kids every time we go outside for a glass of wine put them to bed go and sit on

the party have a nice glass of wine they come down we're like well you just get

away from us but you know you're not as polite to your own you can be more I

know you have to be more different of course you do because kids love me don't

me and like I do I do like kids no but I love it I also love this kid he's

obviously he's obviously like he wants to come and chat yeah but to be fair

though I can you know I can see why he's worried as he's saying he's a 28 year

old lad living on his own you have to be careful with people with kids don't you

know I think he's probably got a guy and speak to the you know sometimes I

just want to relax you know you can't tell the kids to just piss off yeah the

kid comes down hang piss off now God sake trying to chill him back get some

friends your own age yeah he runs in crying I mean like the poor kid he just

wants to play who did Jack used to make a b-line for Jack love Scott Scott I got

our baby Jack like from as soon as my sister got with a boyfriend just loved

Scott and sometimes kids just take a shine sit like they do remember that kid

who said to me I broke my nose and it had it fixed so when she saw me the

first time it was broken and it was bad and then I fixed but she just remembered

like it being so she remembered me as the nose guy yeah and then she came in

she was probably what about five just kept she just kept going big no right

and then obviously everyone laughed right everyone and so then obviously when

you get the reaction of the laughter she keeps saying it don't you and obviously

people laughed again and then she laughed again and she kept going and it was big

nose big nose big nose kept going oh fuck off

so I was under my breath I've got friends who just wouldn't tolerate that you know

having like kids come around like some people just be like go away go back

ruthless yeah I don't get that I couldn't do that I can't come over I'm all with you

would be I don't know you've got to be nice to kids I think I've really been

mean to someone else's kid once some kids twat so get away yeah they go open to

big twat yeah remember when the kid was feeding that goat a plastic bag in the

farm yeah you want me to feed you a plastic bag so cruel and the kids

was like that and then the mum come over and said everything okay I was like yeah

I just think you're a lovely little child I was so annoyed just thought you know

a kid should know that animals can't eat plastic bags I think that's sick do you

yeah but how does he deal this situation does he go I think it goes over to the

parents and says you know he comes over to to see me like all the times and

I'll be honest with you like when I get home from work I just want to chill out a little bit

you know maybe he could just go and speak to the mum and say you know your little boy just

love love to come and hang out with me you know and maybe get to know his mum and dad a bit

but I think you should bravely tell the mum and dad that he's not I think speak I think you

should leave as just go over speak to the parents explain your situation you need to

my own time as well and we could just get water gone so every time we come around just square

I love to fuck the thought of him just peeking is that a little runt there or not

okay next one next one all right oh a bit of a long one it's anonymous

hey Abby and Pete I actually don't have a complaint about my husband

world said no one ever we have an amazing relationship and a beautiful IVF miracle

baby together he and I are actually very good at talking about our issues and getting to the

bottom of things probably because I'm brash and he's harmless wow seeing as you both have worked

with the plethora of different types of people you may be able to help me in a work situation

I am an operations manager at a company in america that I will not name I was brought into the position

from outside the company after the person my position of 30 years stepped back I have an

employee that is driving me back shit crazy I have no idea what she does here what her job

title is and most of the time I have no idea what she's doing during the time in the office

I've asked HR I've asked HR what her job is they don't know I asked the owner what her job is he

doesn't know and I even sat down to ask her what her job duties entailed when I started her response

the little things when I asked her for further explanation I got just small jobs that come in

I spend most of my time having really important conversations with her like a paintbrush is not

a single use item I want to fire her she's useless however the owner is worried about a backlash

because she's related to the manager I just replaced here's the biggest issue I have with this she

never shuts the fuck up I'm convinced that she narrates every single move to convince me that

she's actually doing something when in reality she's typing and deleting words on a computer

just to make it sound like she's writing an email do you know what she is a fully grown

woman with children in her 30s and she can't send an email without saying okay just need to send

this little email I know these people how do I professionally tell this woman to shut the fuck

up before I use our industrial staplers to staple her lips together I know this woman is not culture

enough to even heard of your podcast let alone understand your accents if she had heard it

but just in case someone at my company does have a bit of culture your favorite spanyard

anonymous one thing I have learned in my life when most most people that I have encountered

who are going right I can do this I can do that I'm going to do this I'm going to do that don't do

anything all far no shit what a lovely way to put it I can't stand it no it's like it's like

it's like the pit they have to say oh I've got to do this and I've got to do that like I remember

you know one person would be remain nameless saying things like oh I've got because I've

got to get dressed I've got to clean my teeth and then I've got to walk I've got to make my

bed like you go like no those are the all things that you do anyway and then you do what you need

to do yeah like there's proactive people and then there's people that shithouse their way through

life and then it's like a friend of ours has got a PA who's he've had for 15 years it was absolutely

shocking at her job but he can't fire her because he likes her because he likes a bunch he's

absolutely nothing just like he's got to get like another PA to rectify all their mistakes

like I knew someone and he used to say he had a travel agent he said he's the worst fucking

travel agent you've ever seen guess things wrong all the time but I've been with him for 30 years

and he's like a family friend he just can't can't sack him so he's trying he like gives him kind

of weird jobs like when his son wants to go away or something he like books through him he fucks up

his trip it's that kind of thing if like if you ask someone to do it and it's like

you know can you do that and they're oh I was just about to do that

I've already said that I've already done that it's just when people let you know what they're

doing rather than just working people let you know I'm just doing this email here just send

the fucking email yeah we don't need to know the information that you're gonna send it but I remember

getting um semi-permanent eyelashes done once and you know I booked two hours with the girl

and she spoke for the first hour about how she used these special lashes how she's won all these

awards how she's you know paved the way for this this and this they were the worst fucking eyelashes

I've ever had in my entire life really and I just thought yeah and I sound harsh but I can't be

that just done this I've just done that it's it's it's I do think it's a it's kind of like a skill

not everyone has it and it's hard to have but like to kind of get up and go people that don't

mention it and get it done they're the people you want to be not the people that mention it and

never get around to doing it just had to get out I just had to undo me see belt climb out the car

shut the car door because you could do it all day couldn't you yeah just had to record my

podcast and then I've got to open that door I've got to shut it again I've got to go in there

I've got to stroke the dog then feed the dog and then I've got to go in there make a cup of tea

and then I've got probably only got 15 minutes there so I've got to pick the kids up and I've

got to get in the car and I've got to turn the engine on and then I've got to drive down the

road and then I've got to actually pick the kids up whereas you just go I've got to pick the kids

up in about half hour and then all that stuff just happens but you can make yourself sound really

yeah when you're not agreed okay so I thought that was a good part they enjoyed that you know I'm

slightly you know you didn't give me much guilty pleasures I didn't really understand the concept

if I'm honest pot noodles you said okay pot noodle I do like a pot noodle pinch drapes skates yeah

pencil skirts and pot noodles now I thought that was fun I thought that was fun you know

it's an exciting week for us you know our books out this week my interior shows out this week get

off that that's um antique sinew food bed that's in the palace of Essex that is a sinew food bed

did did did we rob the sauce I just took a big van down to the side

you're the lads from crocky

no it's just because you've just got no no one in this house has got any respect for my do you

know that's an ancient sinew food bed wow that looks quite comfortable it is comfortable it's

it's it's like perfect for your body wow isn't it yeah you're supposed to line it like that yeah

it's a bed Pete so a sinew food bed it's you know it's from the ivory coast it's made out of it's

carved out of a single piece of wood and it's where you know the there's a kind of triangular

pillow shape at the top and it's used as a day bed but I just think they're beautiful no it's

actually quite interesting kind of looks like a giant skateboard without the wheels with a little

headrest yeah you know what like we've done this podcast you know countless times now and I'm

learning new things about this room the scions and ivory coast surrounded by I can't wait till we

get started on that chest of drawers next week where's that from it's from ardingly whoa don't

spoil it don't spoil it all right okay save that for next week I'll save it for next week because

if anyone else is interested in my boring story no no no it's actually a lot more interesting than I

thought no so we have got an exciting week this week our books out my interior shows out okay I'm

actually quite I feel really nervous about it no your show would be fine no because I haven't done

like TV for so many years and I had you know the kids and I've been at home a lot and you know apart

from this podcast you know getting back on the back on the old wagon getting getting back on the

old silver screen what's this show going to be called what's it called it's called abby clancy

celebrity homes and I'm actually petrified of it like I've loved it it's incredible I think it's

an amazing show but I just feel kind of you know under pressure okay so abby clancy celebrity homes

and the book out in the same week what a slut oh my god Jesus wow

hey prime members you can listen to this show add free on amazon music download the amazon music app today

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.