The Therapy Crouch: Glastonbury...Part 1

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Hallo und willkommen zu einer anderen Therapie Crouch, ich bin Peter Crouch.

Und ich bin Abbie Lanzy.

Kann ich einfach sagen, dass du das Navi Topf hast, um mich zu betrachten, weil du es immer

tust?

Du hast Creme & White on und Sovaie, Creme & Navi.

Das ist das Equivalent mit dem Podcast, das Equivalent von Porsche & Bex.

So, um das Podcast zu kippen.

Ich bin ein bisschen nervös, weil ich weiß, du hattest eine schwierige Woche mit den

Kindern.

Also Peter bin in Istanbul, die Championship-Final.

Die Championship-Final?

Champions-League-Final, oder so.

Aber es war nur in der Diary, die Champions-League, und normalerweise ist er zu Hause.

Ich dachte, das sei okay.

Also die

Ja, wir hatten Lib's Geburtstag-Party, und es war sehr schön.

Aber ich dachte nicht, dass es so gut war, weil niemand hier war.

Mein Bruder war weg, jeder war weg.

Ich habe viele Leute in der Barbeque geimpft.

Ich habe 20 Leute gekocht, während die Kinder ein Pampa-Party machen.

Es war ein bisschen hektisch, aber jeder liebte es und hatte einen tollen Zeit.

Das war gut und viel Spaß.

Es ist der Run-up zu Glastonbury-Wieck.

Wir haben nie in Glastonbury gesehen,

weil wenn Peter ein Fußballer ist,

wird er nur auf Juni, also wir tenden zu gehen.

Aber Festival ist ein unserer Liebsten.

Wir haben den Isle of Wight, wir gehen religiös.

Es ist ein unserer Liebsten, die wir jedes Jahr anschauen.

Aber wir gehen zu Glastonbury.

Es ist der erste Mal für uns.

Wir werden es in die Präparationen bringen.

Ich bin am Anfang, ich bin an meinen Athleten.

Du gehst wirklich gesund, bevor du zu Glastonbury gehst.

Ich versuche, etwas mehr unheiliger zu sein.

Ich versuche, mich zu heiligen, für die nächste Woche.

Ich weiß, dass ich ein Stück Wasser trinkt.

Wenn wir in Wight gehen, wird es etwas heilig, oder?

Es ist heilig, es ist heilig.

Wir fühlen uns die meisten Tage auf.

Aber es ist Ende des Jahres, die Fußball-Saisen sind fertig.

Wir versuchen, die Kinder zu arbeiten.

Die Kinder werden 10 Wochen über die Sommer geöffnet.

Das ist nur adultes Spaß, bevor die Holidays kommen.

Ich möchte bereit sein.

Ich habe einen neuen Eisbass von Brass Monkey.

Und ich liebe es.

Hast du es gemacht?

Ja, ich habe es immer.

Sie gehen in, ja, ja.

Aber ich habe es auch gemacht.

So hat niemand mich gefilmt.

Du musst meine Worte nehmen.

Jetzt, Peter, kannst du mich starten filmen?

Ich bin sicher, dass ein der Builders glücklich ist.

Ich habe viele Arbeitsmänner auf dem Haus.

Zum Beispiel 20 jungen Töpfe.

Oh, wirklich?

Sehr schön.

Ich gehe zurück zum Istanbul.

Ich kann es.

Ich kann es.

Ja, sie filmen mich.

Ich bin sicher, dass sie es machen.

Aber ich würde es.

Ja, vielleicht werde ich sie morgen fragen.

Wie lange hast du es gemacht?

Ich habe fünf Sekunden gemacht.

Fünf Sekunden?

Fünf Sekunden.

Ist das eine reale Sache?

Peter, es ist ein Degrees.

Ich habe ein neues Eisbass, mein Leben ist mit Fußball.

Wir wissen.

Du kannst nicht fünf Sekunden machen.

Peter, wir wissen, dass du alles faszinierend bist.

Ich habe nie ein Eisbass in meinem Leben gemacht.

Ich habe 40 Grad.

Ja, ja, ja.

Ich bin immer kalt.

Ich liebe kalt.

Ich liebe es hot.

Das ist für mich ein großer Problem.

Ich versuche, nicht zu mannen,

weil ich zuerst bin.

Ich habe gesagt, äh!

Ich schreibe, in und aus.

Das ist natürlich nicht das richtige Mindest-Frame.

Ich bin dort geblieben,

konzentriert und klarer in meinem Leben.

Mein Gott!

Ich dachte, es war wirklich ein bisschen Fad.

Aber ich bin mit der Forschung zu den Vorteilen des Eisbass.

Und es ist einfach unglaublich.

Was sind die Vorteile?

Für deine Zirkulation, für deine Meinung,

alles, was du zu deinem Blut kaputt machst.

Es ist ein Ding, dass...

...ein Körper...

...seht kalt wie ein Torcher.

Oder ähm...

Was ist das Wort?

Nicht ein Instinkt,

sondern eine Form von Traum.

Mhm.

Und es verändert sich.

Es gibt diese große Nerv, die du hast,

so wie...

Was?

Ich habe keine Informationen.

Eine große Nerv.

Eine große Nerv.

Ich kann das Nerv nicht erinnern.

Aber du fühlst dich ein bisschen besser aus, oder?

Ein bisschen mehr revitalisiert.

Total revitalisiert, weniger angstisch.

Ich stelle mich mit schlechtem Zirkulation.

Ich weiß es.

Ich weiß es.

Meine Legs, wenn du rauskommst,

sind deine Legs schmerzlos.

Ich habe keine Schmerzen im Legs oder so.

Ja, wenn du sie nimmst.

Wenn du ein Zirkulation machst,

hast du ein Bild von Lactate Acid,

und es lebt das Lactate Acid,

und es flascht es aus.

Es ist eine Form von Brusen, wenn du ein Zirkulation machst.

Du hast die Brusen gebraucht,

und sie regnen stärker.

Ja.

Wenn du das machst,

das hilft dir.

Das macht es viel schneller.

Aber es improved die Zirkulation.

Es hat viel Erlebnis zu dir.

In fünf Sekunden?

Ja.

Ich habe drei Go's im Wagen gemacht.

Ja.

Ich hatte fünf Sekunden, zehn Sekunden,

fünfmal bis zu 25 Sekunden.

Ja, das ist gut.

Es ist so interessant.

Ich war in einem vollen Ice Bath-Hall,

mit all den Erlebnungen.

Ich möchte das machen,

und ich muss das machen,

bevor ich mich in Glastonbury annihiliert.

Es ist noch rauf, wenn man es bewegt.

Aber es gibt keinen Punkt für einen Beton.

Wir haben nicht ein paar Trinken in Glastonbury.

Dataneitdrinken, das ist das, was du machst.

Ich habe so viel gehört,

und ich sage, weil es Fußball ist,

ist es nicht so.

Wir sind nur auf dem Radar,

weil es schön ist und relaxiert.

Du warst auch ein Top-Athlete.

Es ist nicht wirklich ein gutes Glück.

Was sind wir heute trinken?

Ich war hier früher, wie es ist.

Du kamst später als ich,

und hast diese Trinken gebracht.

Wir haben kein Chord.

Du hast Pink Lemonade,

und ich habe Athletic Greens.

Wann habe ich das letzte Mal Trinken?

Ich habe es für die Kinderpartei getroffen.

Ich habe das letzte Mal Trinken.

Das ist das, was ich meine.

Was willst du?

Ich werde es ändern.

Das ist absolut okay.

Schaut mir durch die Athletic Greens.

Mache ich die Athletic Greens?

Es ist nur ein Cocktail von Gutes.

Durch Veg-Vitamin.

Perfekt.

Höchstenswahl, Abigail.

Höchstenswahl?

Ja.

Ich mache mich von jetzt an.

Cheers.

icking.

Ja, das ist all wurde ge Cliff.

Ich alternate nicht.

Machen wir uns, Germanin.

Mira.

Ja, wir fressen uns.

Wir machen es.

Wir fressen uns!

Okay, hi.

Ich bin in einer langsamer Beziehung mit meiner Frau für die vergangenen Jahre,

und wir haben uns in ein paar Monaten nicht gesehen.

Wir sind nach dem Flughafen nach Sweden zu gehen.

Sorry.

Während ich nach dem Flughafen nach Sweden zu gehen hatte,

dachte ich, dass ich die Beaver benutzen würde.

Sie hört nicht auf den Podcast und respondiert mit einem Knopf,

ein Leg und ein Blaschen.

Explosion oder so?

Explosion.

Ich bin sehr traurig,

als zu was es sein könnte und die Beaver im Flughafen nach Hause betrachten.

Welche Beaver?

Was würde das sein?

Er hat ihn in seine Legen gestapft, und dann hat er ihn auf die Feier getragen.

Oh mein Gott.

Kinky.

Ist das was es ist?

Er hat Beaver getragen.

Sie hat mit einem Knopf in der Legen geplant.

Knopf und Explosion.

Christ.

Ich glaube, das sagt nein.

Ich glaube, das ist eine Beaver.

Wir haben eigentlich ein paar Messen über

Beaver-Emoji-Hauserie.

Ja, ja, ja, ein paar.

Es gibt Leute, die die Beaver benutzen,

es gibt Leute, die die Beaver benutzen,

um die Männer nach Hause zu enttäuschen,

von Dingen, die sie preferieren,

wie Golf,

wie die Puppen,

wie was sie tun.

Und dann, wenn sie nach Hause kommen,

denken sie, sie bekommen Beaver.

Nein, das wird sein.

Die Beaver sind in der Heibernation.

Ich habe gesagt,

du kannst nicht auf eine Beaver-Hauserie

und dann in der Heibernation gehen.

Das ist nicht fair.

Ich habe es nie gemacht.

Nein.

Aber du hast mich getestet.

In den anderen Richtungen,

hast du nicht mariniert,

wie beim Essen,

und du sagst,

es wird in 10 Minuten bereit sein.

Und dann kommst du nach Hause und sagst,

es wird nicht mehr.

Immer wieder, Hans.

Die Jettos,

ich glaube, wir sollten die Beaver benutzen.

Willi, Nilly.

Willi, Nilly.

Du bist auf der Puff.

Ja.

Weil diese Füße

einfach in der Füße gehen.

Und dann sagen sie,

du kannst nicht mit der Beaver-Hauserie

und sie wollen nach Hause kommen

und es nicht sein,

nicht ein reales Ding.

Ich meine, das ist Entschuldigung.

Ich meine,

das ist Entschuldigung.

Ich verstehe es.

Ich kann es.

Ich kann es.

Was ist das Nächste?

Was könnte es möglich sein?

Sie hat die dritte Legen aufgenommen.

Oh mein Gott.

Und dann was?

Spüchern?

Oder es könnte so sein,

Beaver.

Nächste,

Nächste Legen.

Explosionen.

Vielleicht ein swedisches Banzer.

Swedish Banzer.

Wie kann das sein?

Ich weiss nicht,

weil ich weiß nicht, ob es so ist.

King-Key.

Ja, ja, ja,

sie ist einfach...

Vielleicht ist es King-Key.

Aber sie hört nicht auf die Podcasts und...

Sie weiß nicht,

ob sie weiß, was die Beaver-Emozie bedeutet.

Ich denke, es ist das beste Weg,

um die Probleme zu lösen,

um die Post zu passen.

Ja, um die Post zu passen.

Aber wir können das nicht benutzen.

Gehen wir sie auf die Post.

Senden sie sie auf die Post.

Beaver,

was denkst du?

Es ist so etwas...

Food?

Sie sagt,

ich habe ein Lamm instead.

Bange.

Ich habe ein schönes Lamm.

Bange.

Bum.

Bum.

Würdest du jemanden in deinem Legen stecken?

Nein, nein, nein.

Ein schönes Legen ist ziemlich unabschiedet.

Ein schönes Legen,

Stab, Stab, Stab.

Ein schönes Legen,

ein schönes Legen,

das wäre eher...

Objektiv.

Das wäre für dich.

Fuck, man.

Der hat nur ein bisschen...

Er ist nicht mit mir zu tun.

Ich habe nur gesagt,

du hast nur gesagt,

nein,

dein Leg geht mit dem Legen.

Nein, ich habe nur gesagt,

okay, was hast du für das als dann?

Nein, ich weiß nicht.

Ich habe keine Ahnung.

Was könnte das sein?

Du denkst vielleicht,

sie hat das gesagt

und sie könnte denken,

nein, ich bin nicht fanzisch.

Aber was ist das?

Wild boar

oder beaver?

Sie könnte mit dem...

Rabatt?

Ich bin nicht in den O-Baschinen.

Ja,

sie sind wie O-Baschinen.

Oder vielleicht sagt sie,

ich werde die O-Baschinen zappen.

Ich werde die Legen zappen,

boom.

Ich werde die O-Baschinen zappen.

Du kannst das...

Ja, boom.

Lass uns wissen,

ich meine,

wenn du keine Ideen hast,

auf was das Knopf,

das Legen

und das Explosions-Geräusch

etwas bedeutet,

in Reaktion

zu der Beaver-Emoji

mit der...

mit der Moistur

und der O-Baschinen.

Die Moistur.

Ist es anyone holding twines up?

Ja.

Hi, Beau.

Mostly the ledge that is Peter.

They don't know you like that.

Sure,

sure, really.

The pod is amazing,

but one thing that does my head in,

and no, Pete,

it's not Abs...

Abs's Lamp choice.

It's your watch.

Can you please get the links sorted

so it fits your manly wrists

and it's not sliding up and down

like a wiggly worm.

PS Weekly Wine Club

ist TV-worthy.

Tom from Belfast.

Das ist annoying,

skinny wrists, Pete.

Das know you?

No.

A Taito watcher'd annoy me.

Yeah.

I quite like the...

The movements.

Yeah, a bit.

But you've got really skinny wrists.

Yeah, they're not massive, are they?

No.

My wrists are bigger than yours.

Getting wrist shamed.

It's a new low.

Wrist shamed.

Okay, that'll be our own house as well.

You're not adding?

Bob, I've been clumped.

What's the pod about today?

Glastonbury.

It's festival season.

Festival month.

Yeah.

And we like them, don't we?

We have a good time usually at the Isle of Wight.

Isle of Wight.

And I feel a bit nervous branching out.

But we're going big.

We're going for the main one.

And it's something that lots of our friends have been to.

Lots of our family members have been to.

But we've always been a bit apprehensive,

a bit nervous about it.

But we're taking a plunge this year.

Have you been in preparation?

I've heard you on the phone.

A lot of your friends about planning outfits.

What are you going to wear?

Are you sorted?

I've no idea.

I bought you some hiking boots that you wanted.

Thanks, Dave.

Pete's got a pair.

You're going to expose me now.

Cream suede hiking boots that you chose.

Solomon's.

No Bruno could, Bruno, they are.

And a grey suede Montclair hiking boot.

Which is suede in a festival.

It's going to get ruined though.

It's not like, I just wanted them to look good for the festival.

Went to the complete the Malfi Coast look.

It's not something that I've taken much consideration about.

But having listened to our most evenings talking about outfits.

I thought, let me have a look.

Because I need, I need like, it's like Wellies or boots or whatever.

It's not just the normal shoe, is it?

Get your Wellies on.

No, you know, you've got to be prepared.

So, of course I'll buy a nice pair of boots.

But I've got absolutely ridiculed from my suggestions.

I said that.

I've got them, I've got you them.

They're all right, aren't they?

I quite like them.

But they're going to, you're never ever going to be able to wear them again.

You draw a ball in them, don't you?

Oh, my God.

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Okay.

You need to be brought down a few pegs, you.

Honestly.

I don't know who you think you are lately.

Oh, my God.

So, what are you going to wear?

Were you cream walking boots?

Cream suede walking boots?

I'll be honest with you, I haven't really got a clue.

I was going to wear some shorts.

I think hopefully it'll be hot.

What kind of shorts?

Perhaps, like even just a hoodie.

That's what I'm going for.

Smart casual.

Yeah, it's not prison chic like I've ever received it.

But this new style, like you're buying yourself recently.

Which one?

This like kind of like I'm an Italian looking prince.

Not working for me.

Well, it clearly is working for you.

Why?

Why are you saying it clearly is?

I don't know.

It obviously is.

Why obviously though?

Would you go for that look in Glastow?

No, I don't think.

See, that's the thing about festivals.

People dress normally the whole year and then go,

I need denim hot pants and a fringy G-Lay.

It's like you instantly go to a festival.

You've got to dress like a twat.

Yeah.

Why do you do that?

Like you wouldn't wear these mad shirts.

I suppose it's just like you can just be anyone you want at a festival

and I think that's the...

What's your thoughts on the whole fancy dress element of festivals?

You know a lot of people dress up.

That's what we do at Crouchfest.

I'll be honest with you.

It's what we do there.

We have a big fancy dress theme running through that.

Yeah.

I quite like the idea of fancy dress,

but our group is so unorganised.

When I suggest something,

we all go yeah and then no one ever follows through.

If you did like a fancy dress though, right?

I'm not talking about like a fucking Chewbacca outfit,

what you're wearing.

I'm talking about like a few diamonds.

Oh, yeah.

You see, that's just dressing up, isn't it?

It's not fancy dress.

Fancy dress in its original state is Chewbacca for no reason.

So the very first festival we went to was Isle of Wight.

And Pete was really worried about like being in the crowd

because unlike other people in the public eye,

Pete does not blend into a crowd.

So he bought himself a wig and a hat

and sunglasses.

He looked like one of the Bee Gees.

Do you remember that long wig you bought?

That was like flicks like a man's hair cell long hair.

Yeah, yeah.

And he put a cap on.

And he was like, do you think anyone would recognise me?

Literally, it was the first thing that comes in my mind

was there's Pete in a wig.

So did it work, Pete?

The disguise?

Well, no, because I was laughed at quite heavily by Ab.

And then anyone who came round,

she would say, try the wig on.

And I put it on and I just got,

people were laughing at me very much.

Self-conscious.

So I was, yeah, I felt a bit self-conscious.

Yeah, but I thought it was a good idea.

Wigs in Barcelona seem to work well.

So I thought it'd be a good idea.

But we were in a foreign country.

So a thing people don't really expect to see you

walking around Barcelona.

So we felt a bit more incognito.

Anyway, yeah.

Anyway.

Good times.

You could just put like a morph suit on.

Like a whole morph suit.

Yeah, I definitely know it's me then.

There's only one person with a body like that.

And if they could think it was Steve Emergent.

They could think it was him.

They could do, baby.

Who else?

They could do.

I feel like you could get away with a wig

and glasses at Elton John, though.

I think it's more appropriate.

No, I'm not talking about like a comedic wig

and glasses.

It was like a real hairstyle.

Yeah, no, it was a real wig.

It wasn't like I'm wearing a big, clean wig.

It was like a proper normal,

just like kind of like a bandy kind of lads long hair.

Yeah, it was like a normal haircut.

Yeah, it wasn't like.

But that's why I thought it'd be better,

because it'd be like, no, that isn't got that haircut.

You always go for Auburn, though, when you buy wigs.

Like literally.

The one in Barcelona was...

When I buy wigs.

As if I'm always doing it.

Well, the two times you've bought wigs,

you've both been Auburn.

Yeah, they have, yeah, yeah.

Maybe I am.

Maybe that's what I want to be.

Ginger.

Harvest gold.

Harvest gold.

Yeah, our Ross growing up as a baby,

everyone was like, oh, there's our Ross, ginger.

And our friend would get so defensive

and be like, no, he's harvest gold.

Harvest gold.

Strawberry blonde.

Thankfully, it is harvest gold.

Harvest gold, is that the shell?

Strawberry blonde.

I think we should do an Elton,

because we're going to be doing a podcast

from Glaster as well.

So we're going to keep you all updated

to let you know how we're getting on,

how the hangover is.

Maybe some hangover cure tips

if someone, people could send them into us.

You know, just before we go to maybe help us out.

I've got mine, I've got mine.

What's mine?

What would I have if I was hungover?

You know.

A bovril.

A bovril.

Number one bovril.

Try it, kids.

I mean, like, it's like the beaver emoji.

Do you still even make bovril?

Bovril, are you joking?

Yes.

One of the best drinks ever.

I know it's nice, but I haven't seen it for about 20 years.

You can get it.

You can get it.

It's out there.

It's fantastic.

So, like, try that on a hangover.

It's because it's quite, it's quite yeasty, quite salty.

Yeasty?

That's marmite?

Marmite, yes.

Yes, very similar.

That's similar to marmite, isn't it?

Bovril.

Drink, drink version of marmite.

But it's the same consistency.

Why don't you just use marmite?

No, because it's not a drink, is it?

Yeah, if you pour boiling water on marmite,

you could make the same kind of thing.

No, I've tried that one.

I was out of bovril once.

It's not quite the same.

Bovril, like a nice hot kind of soup.

With some bread, salty, has to be salty.

But it can't be like a nice homemade soup.

It has to be like a Heinz tinned.

Yeah, yeah.

Chicken soup, yeah.

Yeah, a cup of soup, maybe.

Like little things, like they're not, they're not, listen,

they're not great nutritionally,

but they do well on it, I don't know how that was.

What would I, what would you say my hangover thing is?

A nice bath.

We should bring the answer.

Yeah, but when we're not in a hotel.

I just see the massive, like water with some green stuff in it.

Like the greens.

Usually.

No.

I have to eat straight away, don't I?

Yeah, but that's not mean,

you'll have breakfast like straight away, won't you?

Like a big front, full English.

Full Irish.

That wreck my head, that way we're in Ireland.

Never full English.

No, you never full Irish.

I just love the fact that they just won't have anything English.

If I'm half Irish.

It's definitely a full English.

I'm sure it's globally a full English.

Everywhere I go, apart from Ireland.

It's called a full Irish.

Because they have Irish sausages, don't they?

The square sausage thing, wasn't it?

No, that's fucking Scotland.

But it was also the...

Sausages are made in Ireland.

They also said of Irish breakfast tea as well.

I've always known it as an English breakfast tea.

But when I was over there, it was like an Irish breakfast tea.

Brilliant.

Yeah, so we need to...

You know, the line up for Glastonbury is amazing this year.

Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Do you know who was unbelievable in Isle of Wight last year was Craig David?

Oh yeah, he's playing as well.

Oh my god, we've got to see him.

Craig David did a DJ set, right.

And he gets a bit of grief, Craig David, didn't he?

Wait, have you seen that?

Everyone loves Craig David, Pete.

But he has done everything.

He hasn't been in England for ages.

He went to America for so long.

But his DJ sets is unbelievable.

And all the old classics he sings, it's good.

Very good.

Also, I'm buzzing for Craig David after Isle of Wight,

because he was the highlight.

He was absolutely amazing.

May do you.

Yeah, we've got Archie Monkey's Guns N' Roses, Elton John, Lizzo,

Lola Del Rey, Lil Nas X, Wizkid.

Oh my god.

Kat Stevens, unbelievable.

H, bit of you babe.

H from Steps?

H from Steps.

Oh my god.

So we went to the Jingle Bell Ball on Sunday.

Babe, you weren't there at this point.

And R.D. come on the stage.

And Jack, our baby Jack could not take his eyes off R.D.

He's three by the way, Jack.

And he went mum.

He didn't get me one of them jumpers.

Was he the one who took his shirt off?

Yeah.

Yeah, because he said to me, there was a lad on stage four,

who took his shirt off.

Did he?

Yeah.

No way.

So he said, so it was this,

I think it was a Stone Island jumper.

Like orange tie dye.

And it had a zip down in the front.

He was like so focused on this jumper.

And he was like, everyone was dancing.

He was like mum, mum, mum.

And Jack, I need you to get me one of these jumpers.

And I was like, yeah, no problem.

And he was like, but with the zip though, about zip there.

And I was like, yeah.

I was like, do you like that?

Something really must have resonated with him with R.D.

Because he's probably with the same height as R.D.

That's probably why.

But he was all over him.

He said, you should have seen this lad.

And I was like, what?

He went, yeah, don't top on on stage.

And I was in a stoney.

Wow.

That was brilliant.

So, I am, I'm not a camping person.

I've gone 37 years, I've been in a tent.

And I do not.

You proud of that?

Yeah.

Just playing dad.

Why do you not want to be at one with nature?

Do you not want to be in a tent?

What are the reasons behind that?

I'm with you, by the way.

I'm not a camper myself.

I want to do camping in Colorado.

So you would like to do it, but just not at a festival?

I've just got no interest in being cold in a tent.

And then hungover in a tent.

And then, you know, the whole, where do you get showered element?

What about glamping? Would you ever do that?

I'm a bit scared, if I'm completely honest.

Glamping?

Yeah.

Okay.

Are you?

Would you sleep in it?

I think Glastonbury's a place where you can do it.

It's tended to be more like one of them crime scene.

Long tents.

Oh yeah, the white ones.

You know, when someone's been, like, made it or something,

they have the big, like, white long tent.

Yeah, we might well do, if we're friggin', we went to that.

No, I just don't fancy it.

I think, you know, the whole festival thing is great, but camping.

You've got a pretty decent tent set up in the garden at the moment.

I know.

That big cheapy in the garden at the moment.

They wanted to sleep in the tent, but I was too scared to do it with them.

Yeah.

The kids love it, don't they?

It's like, I did it as a kid.

I remember going to Euro Campos.

I think with my mum and dad.

It's possibly the worst holiday of my life.

And I know it was the worst holiday of my mum's.

Some of the mum's at the school.

We're talking about that the other day.

It's friggin'.

It's mad.

Literally in the tent.

I remember a mouse called over my face.

Oh my god.

And I went, I said, I wasn't even that scared.

I just went, I can't believe it.

Dad, there's a mouse on my face.

And he was trying to find it.

Middle of the night, I was like, you know,

I was going to the toilet some miles away.

And I was just going round the back, like to the toilet in the middle of the night.

And you could just hear it.

Then we went in my dad's coat.

I fucked St. Pete's toilet.

Why are you pissing round the back of the tent?

Because you could just hear everything.

Yeah, I just think, I don't know,

if I go on holiday, I expect, I'd like it to be

almost, you know, more luxury than at home.

Yeah, relaxing as well.

A bit more relaxing.

Like, why would I leave my own house to go somewhere west?

You've got to be that kind of person, haven't you?

You've got to know how to put, like, those racks for bikes on your car.

If you know how to do that, you're a camper, aren't you?

I'd love to see you putting up a tent, Peter.

I reckon tent, right?

Those things that you put, there's no way they would stay on.

If I put a surfboard on the roof and some bikes on the boot,

would you trust that?

Would you go, yeah, all good now?

Pete's done it?

Definitely not.

Would you get in that car?

No, but they're, like, safe dudes are so cool.

They don't even have, like, roofs on the van or whatever,

and they just have, like, they have, like, a dog that's, like,

not even on a lead, just, like, sitting in the back,

like, blowing the wind.

Yeah, at the front.

And then the surfboard, and that is cool.

Yeah, that is cool, yeah.

But I'm not one of those people.

No, neither am I, unfortunately.

Um, afraid not.

So I don't, I don't think we're going to do the camping.

Well, I know we're not, because we've organised it.

But good luck to everyone who is.

People love it.

People think that's the best part of the night,

of the whole festival experience,

like being around your campsite and all having a laugh together.

And maybe we're just too old for that.

Well, it's so special about having, you know, like,

say the campfire wherever, a few beers, like,

end of the night, debrief, bit of fun.

The night's fun, but it's the mornings are pretty rough in the tents.

Yeah, I've had it.

It's roasting, and you just feel manky.

Just sweating.

Off.

You're, you're like, you know, you went,

you went to center parks and thought it was, like,

hell on earth.

Juvie.

Juvie.

I don't think we're, I don't know.

I want to be a better person in that regard.

I don't, I just rather be in a hotel.

Yeah.

Unfortunately.

I know.

Well, we, this is a, we've said we're not going to edit ourselves

on this podcast, like, you know, we've got to say.

We're not campers, we're not happy campers.

No, but I genuinely want to be a better person in that regard.

I don't, I don't want to be a better person in that regard.

No, but I, I genuinely would love to go to, like, America.

Camping.

Joshua Tree.

Yeah.

That would be nice.

There's something special about being under the stars.

You know, that would be lovely.

Until a wolf comes and devours you.

I'd love to see a real wolf.

I've seen one.

In Longleat.

In Longleat.

Yeah, but I'd love to see a real wolf.

Ja, also, just like wild, but you wouldn't.

Do you know I've been in a tent when I was a little girl.

In India you did it.

I fucking love, I love camping.

I actually love camping, I totally forgot.

You went to India, camp?

I went to India, and it was the most incredible experience.

I did this show with my mum years ago.

And it was kind of comparing mother-daughter relationships like in

Also, als ich gekommen bin, war er ein Tent, und ich war in der Mitte und da war ich

in den Teilen und alle die indianischen Gemeinden waren einfach so stolz,

um mich zu zeigen, dass er diesen Tent, den er jemals gesetzt hat,

und so wie der Kampfsite war.

Und ich fühlte mich wie so ein horribles Mensch,

dass ich so verdammt war, dass ich in diesem Tent stehe.

Es war mehr als ein Feier als was.

Und es war auch ein großes Problem, von zu Hause zu sein.

Ich habe nie normalerweise nach Hause gehen lassen,

oder nach Hause zu sein, oder so.

Aber am Ende liebte ich es absolut.

Es war so eine beeindruckende Erfahrung.

Es war einfach unglaublich.

Und jeden Tag, wenn man den Kampfsite packt,

haben wir auf Kamels und Meilen,

um die nächste kleine Stadt zu fahren.

So jeden Morgen,

ich würde mich wachen, und es wäre so,

dass es viele Kinder gibt,

nur kleine Worte von Englisch,

das sie wissen.

Und es war einfach wunderschön.

Wir geben ihnen alle unsere Kleine.

Es war so eine beeindruckende Erfahrung.

Aber bevor das,

es ist mir egal, wie schnell du dich vergessen hast,

weil ich dachte, oh mein Gott,

ein Tent, ein glampenden Kampfsite.

Aber wir haben es für Wochen gebraucht.

Es war eine unglaubliche Erfahrung.

Ich remember coming home,

the lads who worked on the show,

and he was setting the camp up

and making our dinner every single night.

They worked so hard.

I remember coming home,

and remember we had no milk,

and I was like, these lads have been working so hard.

You can't even get the milk.

I was at home,

and I think Ab and Mike just said,

I'll get some milk or something.

I'd forgotten.

And then she came home,

and I was both barrels.

So impressive,

how primitively they live,

and how much they can do.

And how happy they are, as well.

I remember you saying,

how little they've got,

but how much they smile and laugh

with the smallest little things.

They make up their own little games,

that they've got and things.

It's good, isn't it?

It was a glass, though.

I think it was.

So, that's my tent experience.

But now I'm looking forward to Glastonbury,

yet the outfits are a big thing.

What are you going for?

Because I think you can roll in there,

and I reckon you could own Glastonbury Chic.

I think you'll be...

No, you could easily be the best dress there, couldn't you?

Oh, yeah, thanks.

You must have been thinking about it.

I think you'll be the best dress there.

I think you'll be the best dress there.

I think you'll be the best dress there.

I think you'll be the best dress there.

Oh, yeah, thanks.

You must have been thinking about it.

No, I think I'm actually just going to wear, like,

T-Shirt, shorts and boots.

I don't want to be cold at night.

I need options, because if it's raining...

Pack a Mac.

I've got loads of Macs.

Thanks to me.

Fallen.

Fallen.

So, because I find you...

I'm not going... I was cocky.

Why am I being cocky?

I was the gag that was there.

But you're not allowed to say your ball, and when you are.

That's cocky.

You're not fucking Jarl.

How am I...

Do you know what I mean? Pee-diddy.

Then you can get away with it, but you can't.

Pee-diddy.

Pee-diddy.

Pee-diddy.

Listen,

I'm buying a pair of boots,

and I'm going to lash them after.

That's balling.

I think we should all do, like,

an Elton John Literary Baseball outfit.

What you should do is Elton through the years.

So, like, when Elton's playing on the Sunday,

we'll all just go as Elton

in different eras.

Yeah, Elton through the years would be great.

That would be good.

Obviously,

last time we went to a festival, I ended up on stage

with

Kassabian.

Yeah.

That was great, you know.

It was all of my favourite moments of my life.

I would absolutely die.

I could not do that.

But Pete, you're good.

I really like that.

Kassabian's tunes at a festival

are off the scale anyway.

I'm dancing anyway, right?

So, like...

But we only went to Seasedge, really.

We went to see Kassabian.

Yeah, and fire come on, and he come down,

and I was like, oh, it's been a moment.

I'm coming, going on.

Did he tell you before, Andy,

he was going to actually come on?

He did mention something, and I thought, oh, no,

he won't happen, he won't happen.

And then I was like, yes, I'm in.

Oh, it's such a...

Because when you look out at that many people,

like, it's as if...

It's not like, when you score a goal,

it's like, you've got five seconds to celebrate it,

and you think, yeah, I've got...

I've brought all these people's feet.

The robot was at least 15.

Yeah, I milked that one.

Well, I was at Wembley yesterday,

and I was thinking, I can't believe

how big the crowd was.

And you've played there so many times.

Yeah.

That's crazy, when you think of it like that.

I thought I was thinking that as well.

It's like a...

It's like a time ball.

And I took the kids, whatever,

and we were at Wembley Stadium,

and when I was looking around, I was thinking,

oh, good, there are a lot of people here.

Yeah, it's mad, it's like how big the crowd is.

But how many people are at the alleyway?

Well, it's just a sea of people going back.

Like I say, when you score a goal,

you get people off your feet

on their feet

for like five, ten seconds, whatever.

And then you go back, you start again.

Whereas that, it's like a two,

three-minute-Tune.

And you're like looking out,

everyone going mad for that whole three minutes.

That must feel long.

You're up there the whole time,

and everyone's going mental the whole time.

And you get to take it all in more.

Whereas when it's football, you score a goal,

you're just like, it's a sea of limbs,

a sea of carnage, a sea of chaos.

And you can't believe you've done it,

but you want to celebrate with your teammates,

but you forget to look at the crowd.

It's done and it's over.

Kassabian's Crowds are particularly...

It's like a football crowd.

Yeah, they are full hammer

from start to finish of their concerts, aren't they?

Yeah.

Even when you had Kassabian at Crouchfest,

it was like, it went off.

Yeah, yeah, brilliant.

They do know how to get the crowd going.

They do.

I don't find that hard to replicate this year.

Like Kassabian's songs are so pumpin',

aren't they, the crowd just go for it.

Artic Monkeys, who I absolutely love.

He's a bit more rowdy, but the newest stuff's

a bit more chill, isn't he?

Yeah, a bit more different.

They're so good, that's going to get off.

Yeah, pop off then.

I don't think there's any more staged vibes for me.

I feel like I've done that.

Pete, I know for a fact you're going to go into the crowd

in Crowdsurf, because you cannot help yourself.

Every crowd we've been in,

you've Crowdsurfed.

Even when we went to Brixton to see Miles Kane

and stuff like that, you were fucking Crowdsurfing.

I'd love to see that, to be honest.

Crowdsurfed to Judas?

Well, I think if you're there,

you might as well enjoy yourself.

Came back with no top on, everything ripped off.

It's not what you've been.

She said to me, that was the one.

That was Kassabian at Brixton, that time.

I remember you saying to me, don't do anything stupid.

Because I said I'm going in, I've had enough.

The tunes are too good, I'm going in.

I'll just be careful and don't do anything stupid.

And then I got carried out, the bounce.

You don't even have to walk past,

like as if I'm walking in.

You don't even have to walk past,

as if I'm a screaming girl.

I get carried to the front.

You just fainted.

You know one of them, Michael Jackson.

I've literally just come around

and Novella just put me down

back and straight into Abbey.

And she went, you fucking idiot.

I went, I had no shirt on.

At this point,

the whole Crowds watching Pete instead of Kassabian.

I don't know why you do it to yourself.

Well, I wanted to enjoy myself

like every other Reveller in there.

Reveller.

And just end up looking like a complete bell-end.

You're a big boy now.

I've grown up now, so we know more of that.

Is there any other festivals you'd like to tick off?

Because once we've done Glastonbury now,

that's a big one ticked.

Is there anything you want to do globally,

potentially Coachella?

Do you like Burning Man?

Burning Man.

Although someone told me that,

they were getting like a, I don't know what to say.

I think it's a bit kinky, that one.

What were they doing?

They were getting like a,

someone was washing them in the shower.

Strangers.

Washing you in the shower?

You can get a shower where strangers wash you.

Interesting.

What's the make of that?

I'm fucking it in.

Yeah, but then...

I don't know what to make of that when I go next year.

You can go on your own.

Really gay.

Coachella'd be good.

Coachella, that always seems to pop.

I don't know.

Doesn't look like there's any,

you never see any music coverage there.

Seems a bit posy.

Just Vanessa Hudgens Alpha Changers.

I can't be arsed with that.

I want to go and have a good time.

It's not all about how you look.

You just need to go and have fun.

Have a laugh.

There feels like...

I'm joking.

Feels like it's more about the people that go into the festival

than the people who headline the festival.

I've never even heard of a line up for Coachella.

Yeah.

Strange, wasn't it?

I'm worried about the whole food thing.

Because I have to eat.

There's loads of food there.

It's like a city.

I've not been, but for what I've been told.

Everyone says it's like a city.

It's 12 miles squared.

The food's unbelievable.

I've not been though.

So I've been told.

I'm good authority.

I'm pretty sure there's a bit of bite to eat there.

But I just don't want to eat shit

the whole weekend.

I want certain nights.

I imagine you kind of hippy aged.

Like...

There's a lot of vegan stuff.

There's vegan content.

I don't want vegan either.

I need some kind of meat.

I need some protein to soak up all that alcohol.

I'm dreading it now, actually.

I don't want to go.

Are you apprehensive?

I have cancelled it three times.

You're quite flaky like that, aren't you?

Precess nerves.

Because I don't want to be hungover.

I hate it.

You could drink slightly less.

Bring a few Barakas.

I know that is physically impossible.

When the excitement takes over.

Not just for me?

For me, yeah.

You drink ten times more than me?

I'm a geezer.

Balling geezer.

It's all wrong.

I don't even know who you are today.

Thighs out.

Thighs out.

I've got my pins out for the girls today.

I have to breathe.

I need some Wim Hof just to tolerate this man.

I think we've done quite well to get through this pod.

Let's be honest.

Let's not dress this up.

We've been arguing.

We've come into this podcast.

I'm not your friend.

I dislike you just as much.

And nothing has changed.

I'm emotional getting through this today.

Showbiz baby.

The way you spoke to me before the pod

is an absolute disgrace.

Before the pod?

Yeah.

And then we got through the pod.

Just random kind of general topics

and conversation.

All rude.

When I've been helping you at your diary the whole time.

What I'm saying is we did really well there.

Congratulations on that.

I think we kept a lid on it to a point.

And we'll enjoy Glastonbury.

It's the planning done.

I forgot.

You're not invaded.

No.

This week we're deviating slightly

from the traditional agony abs.

And we've got a few festival stories.

Are you happy with that?

My first one. Hey Abby.

You can get a gist of it because you're not coming with us.

They only dress this one to Abby

so they must know that I'm not coming.

It's just great.

It's totally fine.

I have three days off and have a better time.

Hey Abby, two friends and I had planned

a weekend at the Glade Festival.

Being a typical organized...

The Glade Festival?

Being a typical organized vergo.

I said I would bring the...

Hold on.

Hold on.

Who on earth?

Is vergo organized?

Are they organized?

I don't know anything about vergos.

Do you know why?

Because it's the worst of all of them.

No one even knows a vergo.

Do you know a vergo?

I think our Sean's a vergo.

Exhibitate.

John's a vergo.

John's not a vergo.

No, there's a person called John Vergo.

Vergos aren't good.

They can't be.

No.

Everyone I know is a Capricorn.

All my friends are Capricorns.

Are any of your friends organized?

Yeah.

Capricorns or Geminis?

What are you?

I'm a Taurus.

Of course.

Stubborn as a Meal.

Stubborn as a Meal, that's Aquarius.

Aquarius are renowned for it.

Being childish, petty.

Childish, petty.

Do you want to ask me what I am?

I'm an Aquarius.

No, Capricorns are.

What?

Do you want Capricorns are?

Go on.

Enlighteners.

Do you know what Aquarius are?

Petty.

They're bigger than that.

They rise above things.

They don't get sucked in.

Capricorn's Bollocks.

We're actually not even a good match.

Capricorn and Nam.

I drown you with my water.

What?

What's that supposed to mean?

My Aquarius, my big water bottle.

I pour it all over you, drown you.

Will that ram you up the arse of my horns?

Will you probably enjoy that?

You drown me.

That is sick.

Anyway, she's an organized Virgo.

She said she'd bring the tent

as she already owned one.

My friend Amy and I were super excited

to have our tent kitted out homely

with everything we could possibly need.

So excited.

We eventually arrived at the festival

and first things first,

we wanted to erect our tent.

Both being sure

we would have the tent envy

with all out fairy lights,

cozy feather duvets

and a flag to identify the tent

amongst the hundreds of other tents around.

So I grabbed the tent from my car,

pulled out the packaging, then it hit me.

I hadn't bought the tent.

Brought the bag.

Instead, I'd packed the windbreak

that I would use on the beach to protect my kids.

Sharing the news with my friend didn't go down well.

She sounds like you're right, drift this guy.

We all had to find other friends to squeeze in with.

But the worst part of them

is they squeezed into a tent and the others

and jammy me ended up finding friends in VIP

that let me stay in their Winnie-Bago.

Not only did I get a single bed to myself,

I also had free drinks on tap.

I felt so bad for the girls

that they had to squeeze in with the other randoms.

But they got over it.

That sounds like

a rare organised plan to me.

Oh, yeah.

Typical organized bag.

So she popped off with a millionaire.

Left her kids at home.

She knew they were there.

She was in a tent, they'll be alright.

Straight into VIP.

Had the wristband before.

Got it straight out, went off, black did it.

Good luck.

Verger, could we just do a disclaimer?

I think Verger's, I'm sure there are nice people as well.

Capricorns aren't.

Do you want to read this one?

What example are you setting for our listeners?

But they haven't...

Come on, just shut your mouth.

You say come on, shut your mouth.

Come on, shut your mouth. It does make sense.

Cos I just knew what drivels.

Come on, cut George.

Next agony up.

My husband and I were lucky enough

to get tickets at the first time last year.

So petty.

As an avid boys holiday goer,

my husband took the day in his stride.

Going for hell for leather on the beers, the food.

He did not, however, consider the fact that

he was camping in the rain and did not

and not in a plush Ibiza hotel.

Billie Eilish was in full swing.

Fudge.

Fudge.

Fudge.

Fudge.

Fudge.

Billie Eilish was in full swing.

Billie Eilish was in full swing.

When a grey hue fell across his face,

we need to leave now.

He scurries off through the crowd,

leaving me and our friends in the dust.

He had given Usain Bolt a run for his money

and pushed children out of the way

in an urgent mission to get to the front of the kids' zone.

Long drop cue.

I think that's like a toilet when you need the number two.

Long drop.

Kids' zone, where you leave the kids.

The relief of reaching the toilet in time

was short lived as he realised

he had not accounted for his poncho.

Panicked

and trapped in the poncho.

He tried to breathe free.

Still unable to wipe his bum

as the poncho was in the way.

You can't ever really imagine the horror

that is the long drop

unless you've been to Glastonbury.

Oh, so this is Glastonbury.

I don't want to go the long drop.

Sounds like a hole in the ground.

Oh, I've got you.

Okay, yeah.

Do we have to go there?

Well, we have to go there, guys.

No, no, no.

You can't ever really imagine

the horror of that as the long drop

unless you've been to Glastonbury,

but touching on any surface

is out of the question.

It's out of the question.

Hovering with only a few sheets of toilet paper

to hand, he eventually freed himself,

wiped his bum, pulled up his shorts

and did the walk of shame back to the group,

dragging the poncho behind him.

He very quietly told me the story

and, of course, I laughed out loud

so he was forced to tell everyone.

And now he's known as Poncho.

Poop, Pooncho.

Poop, Pooncho.

Oh, my God.

When I asked,

when I asked him

why he didn't dispose of the poncho

to leave his shame in the long drop,

he was littering.

Oh.

No, what a nightmare he's had there.

Pooncho.

Pooncho.

See, that's the thing.

Like Glastonbury toilets.

That's going to be an experience.

Is it?

Yeah, big time.

Oh, my God.

One time at Glastonbury, the ground was so wet,

they went round using machines

that suck up the poop from the mobiles

to suck up all the mud from the ground

and inside the tents.

When they got to the dance tent,

they forgot to switch it from suck to blow

and covered everyone

in a mixture of mud poop

and used toilet tissue.

Poop, the most offensive part of that story

is the word poop.

Well, yeah.

And the worst thing is, it came out of my mouth.

Often does.

Oh, my God.

Hello Abby and Pete, I've got an agony ab for you.

It's gonna be the next special episode

of the best womania.

I'm sorry, Scheven.

I've got an onus,

she's such a wonderful woman,

she makes me split up three months ago

due to me making some rash decisions while on a night out.

Three months down the line,

I still want to get back with her.

We're talking everyday, texting to face him, etc.

However, she won't meet up with me at all.

I'm struggling whether to keep going

or whether to try and move past it.

She's gonna travel for six months in January next year.

Ebay, er hat sich realisiert, dass er jetzt mit ihr mit ihr sein will, nicht wahr?

Aber sie ist jetzt 6 Jahre alt, sie kann eine andere Person sein.

Sie will ihn.

Sie vielleicht nicht, sie vielleicht realisiert.

Und dann könnte es...

Die sagen, dass sie nicht zurückgehen.

Was sie sagen?

Ja, aber ich würde das nicht sagen.

Wenn du die richtige Person bist, wenn du jung bist,

und du willst rauskommen und...

Aber das ist nicht was das ist.

Warum nicht?

Das ist nicht was das ist.

Ja, er hat sich verblattet.

Er hat sich verblattet, weil er ein Mist gemacht hat.

Ja.

Nein, er hat sich verblattet.

Er hat sie nicht verblattet,

weil er mich ein paar Ratschdeutschen gemacht hat.

Also, sie hat sie verblattet, weil er auf sie verblattet hat.

Und 3 Monate lang ist er noch nicht verblattet.

Sie will ihn nicht sehen,

weil er auf sie verblattet hat.

Und sie hat sich verblattet,

und jetzt hat er sich verblattet,

und sie will sich zurückkommen.

Nein, du kannst nicht mit dem Kuchen essen.

Das war ziemlich nice, um aufzubekommen.

Aber es ist wahr.

Es ist alles gut und gut.

Du kannst es nicht alle in deinem Weg haben,

und dann sagen,

oh, du weißt, er würde wohl noch auf Wofür gehen,

wenn er nicht mit dem Kuchen fahren kann.

Ja, okay.

Wir wissen nicht das, oder?

Ich meine, er könnte zurückkommen,

und sie könnte ihn verblattet haben.

Aber sie hat ihn nicht für 3 Monate gesehen.

Aber sie spricht jeden Tag.

Auf der FaceTime.

Also, sie muss für ihn Gefühle haben.

Aber er ist natürlich hier.

Er ist definitiv realisiert,

dass er einen Fehler gemacht hat.

Er hat es gesagt, er hat eine Rassistik gemacht.

Lass uns nicht auf diesen Kuchen geben, nur noch einmal.

Er ist sicher remorselt.

Lass uns nicht auf ihn geben, Baby.

Komm schon, er ist ein Lister.

Lass uns nicht auf ihn geben.

Ich muss ihn auf ihn geben.

Du hast dich verblattet, Josh.

Das ist ein Schnapp.

Ein Schnapp.

Du hast dich verblattet.

Was hast du da gemacht?

Ich habe es echt gefreut.

Schnapp.

Schnapp.

Ich habe heute's Pod genutzt.

Ich weiß, wir werden dafür bereit für Glasbremse.

Es ist schön, zu hören,

Aber auch ein paar nice Storys, vielleicht haben sie die Leute da, oder hatten eine gute Zeit, oder wo zu gehen.

Ich möchte einfach ein paar Metten in Glastonbury und Marry haben.

Ah, da haben sie ein paar Leute, oder?

Ein paar, ich bin sicher.

Ich würde gerne ein paar von diesen nice Storys.

Die haben sie ever afters.

Ja, das wäre nice.

Wir werden sie innen.

Wir freuen uns auf sie.

Wir freuen uns auf sie.

Wir freuen uns auf sie.

Wir freuen uns auf sie.

Aber wir haben uns nicht verstanden, was wir sehen.

Wir werden so live von Glastonbury nächste Woche sein.

Wir werden das machen.

Ich werde dir eine Pizza, Creme, Swayed Boots zeigen.

Es gibt viel Hecht, aber ich bin sicher, dass sie das machen.

Glaston-Incoming.

Wir müssen unser Glaston-Cherries poppen.

Ich schaue es weiter.

Ich werde es wahrscheinlich wie Blutti Bridget Jones.

Wenn du es gesehen hast, dann fliehen in der Mod.

Das wäre mir.

Ich schaue es weiter.

Ja, das wäre gut.

Wir sehen uns nächste Woche aus Glaston.

Nach der Suche nach dem perfekten Match

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Und hast die volle Kontrolle über dein Geschäft.

Ja, den perfekten Match gibt es.

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Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.