ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 3rd October 2023

The ZM Podcast Network.

Fleshwater and Haley's Little Bit of Pod.

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Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod.

This is one of those warnings.

That's when we finish the podcast you're about to hear.

Which went a little off the rails and we come back and we put a warning on now.

I say the P word a couple of times.

That has to be fully, I want that fully beat down.

You trying to believe out there.

Yes, absolutely. It's disgusting.

You might have his membership revoked.

But there are other things.

This is a warning that it's sexual of nature.

But also we're going to bleep a lot.

Yes, you'll never.

Borns is something so gross.

He finally found...

He's upset me.

I've known him for years and never have seen him.

Never pushed me.

Never pushed me.

I found it.

I found her kryptonite.

And the sentence, Jared.

I want to bleep from when I say the...

She's right to the end of it.

Hard, heavy, one monotonous bleep time.

I don't want anyone to know how many words I said.

I don't want people to know what words were said.

Anyway, enjoy that.

Enjoy the podcast.

Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod.

Now we started the show today and this has been a source of...

contention, a mystery, I should say.

There was a gift waiting for you on your desk,

on your side of the desk.

It says, from your secret admirer, X,

in a handwriting I don't know.

And it's an egg, or bigger than a kind of surprise,

bigger than an actual hen's egg.

Yeah, a little bit of duck egg.

But it is plastic and it opens up.

And then inside, sorry.

Inside is like a silicon, wibbly, wobbly...

Looks like a pineapple.

Looks like a pineapple.

And then there's a hole in the bottom.

So I was like, is this a sex thing?

Or is it a...

Because I talked about getting my period.

Is it a moon cup?

No, there's no way that's a moon cup.

No, and why would you have such a shallow...

Opening.

You know, the uterus doesn't work in that way.

It's so soft.

The plastic thing in the bottom.

And then the plastic tube in the bottom.

Comes out and it's...

What is that?

It's got a sachet of lube.

Well, we can only assume it's lubricant.

Or a two-minute noodle flavouring.

No, it smells like...

And then just watery...

I arrive at work a little bit late,

and Hayley's like,

do you know anything about this?

And tosses me the egg, and I open it.

And almost like I've had one in the parcel,

although I haven't.

I open it up and I'm like,

that is a pocket...

What's a pocket...

It's a tiny pocket...

I'm not saying that word again.

I'm not saying that word again.

Yeah.

I apologize.

I apologize.

Hey, who...

This isn't appropriate.

No.

This goes over the head of the penis.

Yeah.

Right.

And then you put some lube in there

and away you go.

You go to town on it.

Now, I knew that the minute I stuck

my finger in it.

Yeah.

So you put your little ditto,

but it's so shallow.

It's just in the head of the penis.

It's a little ditto.

But it's an escalating...

You gotta work the base.

It's just...

Apparently not.

All tip.

I've been doing it wrong.

This is an all tip.

We are going to need to go back

and do another warning.

Oh, yeah.

We'll do a warning.

Turn that thing off.

Well, if we're going that way,

because that's my problem with

not having a foreskin.

What do you do?

Yeah.

A lot of moisturizer and lube.

Yeah.

What do you mean if you don't

have a foreskin?

If you don't have a foreskin...

This is made for people with

no foreskins.

Yeah, it is.

It's basically a hood, isn't it?

Well, it is a foreskin.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I wouldn't leave it on

and walk around for the day

to see what it's like

to have a foreskin

really wild like that.

So who gave you this?

This is a wild thing to just

feel like from your secret

admirer, it's very pervy.

So the options are...

Well, the options are...

Morgan the sexologist.

Morgan's sexologist.

What's she in?

I'll just ring her right now.

Shall I ring her?

Yeah.

And I'll message Laura Daniel,

who apparently was also in.

That doesn't look like

Morgan's handwriting.

That's got the hand...

That's the handwriting

of someone with a little bit

of a chaotic energy,

which I feel is more

of a Laura Daniel's energy.

Right.

Okay.

Just calling Morgan the

sexologist.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good thing, my friend.

Hello.

Are you live on the podcast?

It's Fletch, Horne and Hailey.

Hey, Morgan.

Oh, my God.

Question.

Did you leave a tiny pocket

for Hailey in an egg?

I've been left a secret gift.

No, I didn't.

So it's right up your alley.

Yeah.

It's a white plastic egg

and you crackle up

and like a kind of surprise

and then there was this

pink latexy

pocket pussy looking thing

in there.

But Vaughn's loving it

because it's like he's got

a foreskin now.

Yeah.

It's taking him back

to the womb.

What?

What's that?

Send you pictures.

Okay.

We'll send you some pictures.

Yeah.

So it's not you

that left this for Hailey.

It's like it had something

in it, babe.

It had something in it

and a little packet of lube.

I think that's just

a hold its shape

when it's in the egg.

It holds it upright

because if that could sink

in the egg.

Yeah.

So it's not you.

Hailey, what do you

put in it?

What do you mean to do with it?

Hailey Met GZ

Vaughn!

Leave it!

We've bleeped it out,

dear listener.

Oh, my god.

You manky bastard.

I finally felt

I went far enough.

I went far enough.

We've not got

But I thought

it was a minstrel cart

opening's too small. Or just right for some.

If it's a vulva, I mean you've ever been scissor scissoring for a while, so I'm very confused.

Yeah, I know. I haven't.

Okay. Yeah, God knows.

I'll let you go, Morgan. Thank you. We really appreciate it. Sorry for the cold call.

Yeah, we can never usually do this.

Are you coming to drinks on Saturday?

What's the drink?

Birthday drinks.

Oh, somebody's not paying attention in the group chat, are they?

Oh my God, she's got your mute like I do.

Birthday drinks for a girl. Yes, I'll be there.

Okay, we'll see you there, buddy.

Okay, love you, bye.

I hate to say it.

I love you.

You must be your friend, Laura.

One message to her, but I'm just having a look online.

Oh, I can't go on the website.

Pocket.

Oh, we're beeping every time that said, yeah.

Oh my God, I opened up the images.

I'm sorry. It's not that.

That's not right.

But this is a version of.

Here you go.

Ready?

Okay, well, the...

Oh, that's touched me.

Do you want to hear it?

I like it on the microphone.

Oh, that is...

Oh, no, stop.

Okay. Thank you, dear listener.

Sorry about all the bleeps there in the language.

Sorry, yeah, but this bleep the whole thing.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.