ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 20th October 2023

The ZM Podcast Network.

Fleshwater and Haley's Little Bit of Pod.

Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with My Mac's Rewards.

Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod. Just a reminder, the big pod on Monday will not appear.

Will not exist.

Will not exist because it is a public holiday and we are by law required to not be at work.

We're required by law to get drunk on a Sunday.

Yes.

Because Monday's off.

We're a little bit of pod on the Monday though because we wouldn't leave you just...

We're here 65 days a year, including Christmas.

Yeah, we're open every day.

That's right, we're open every day.

We are the dairy of the podcast world.

We are.

We even flat Easter rules.

Yeah, we don't care about that, do we?

Easter trading hours.

No, fuck that.

We're like a Parmas or a...

Yeah, we're like a garden centre on those days.

We are.

Annoying little bitches.

I like seeing gardeners end as being a rebel.

Yes, they are.

I say when the good kid at school was like, shut up to a teacher and...

Marcus!

He's lost his fucking mind!

Producer, Shannon, who's bringing this on?

You've got an idea of something we can talk about.

Yeah, a question for you.

Okay.

You've got five fingers.

Sorry, what was the question?

So, five fingers on one hand.

I don't know what you've ruled on the thumb, but look at your five digits.

I always feel like we're already excluding amputees and people who've lost...

I'm talking directly to you guys.

No, directly to you guys.

You cancel us.

I will ruin your life.

Okay, gotcha.

You're looking at the five digits in front of you.

I want you to imagine these little tubes on the inside and you can link up to five...

They are veins.

It's called veins.

No, so blood vessels.

Okay.

Yeah, you've got five tubes and they can link up to five infinite like keeks of liquid.

Oh my God, great.

Or five liquids which is just spents from your fingers.

One would be a coconut hand soap.

Okay, great.

Oh yeah, like, oh wait, you've got soap in there.

You can have anything.

That's nice.

Number two, my second finger.

In the bush and you define a stream, you need to wash your hands.

Yeah, done.

We need to find a stream because one of our fingers is water.

Okay, great.

Would you have a water finger?

I'd have a water finger.

Yeah, first you'll have a hand.

100%, the first finger would be water finger.

Because then if you ever got stuck in a desert, you'll be all right.

Yeah, yeah.

Because I've had the keeks with you.

Well, though, you wouldn't want to mix up your soap finger.

Oh yeah.

Okay, so, okay, I'd have water as well.

So I'd go water, soap.

My third one would be icing.

Yeah.

What, just straight icing?

Straight icing.

For a start gross, it would come out gross.

No, it's real nice icing.

Really nice.

Buttercream.

It's a good squirt hole.

I'm going to have a good squirt hole in there.

You can decorate cupcakes.

Oh my God, yes, it's going to be awesome.

Yes, I'll have nozzles in there.

Put a ribbon nozzle on.

Yes.

What am I icing?

And they're a happy birthday.

I'd have another one would be chocolate.

Liquid chocolate.

Liquid.

Like a nice chocolate.

You've already got icing.

You've already got icing.

You've just got two lots of icing.

You fat fuck.

He's got a liquid chocolate pouring out.

Hot chocolate though.

I would instead have a condiment like a mayo or a sweet chili sauce.

Mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise.

So one more from a thumb.

What's this one?

Wine.

Vodka.

Oh my God, gin and tonic.

Gin and tonics.

Prosecco.

Yeah.

No, Prosecco's cheaper than other booze.

I'd go something like an apparel or gin and gin.

Probably gin.

Thumb would be gin.

Jim thumb.

A gin thumb.

Would it be a premix?

No.

No, no, no, no.

No, you'd have to have a vodka and a tonic.

Yeah, one for each.

And then you'd end up like bars that would go flat and you'd have to do the gas again.

No, it can't go flat.

It's constantly metaphorically.

Cabaret would have been just going into a bar and be like, just I'm sober driving tonight.

So just one of the three soft drinks, thanks.

Yeah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

What are your five fingers with liquid?

I know mine.

Because I've got too many.

I need to eliminate some.

You're overwhelmed, aren't you?

I've got water.

I'm going water in one.

Yeah.

Water for sure.

I'm going to go Prosecco in one.

Yeah.

I'm going to go Espresso Martinez in one.

Like a lot of booze coming out of these fingers.

I'm going to go Lube in one.

How drunk are you?

But it's just like ready to go.

I don't think you can ask another.

Any time you're doing anything, you're just like, oh my god, fantastic.

Do you want an angel?

Lube is not one of your top five most used liquids.

I know.

It can't be.

It just fucking can't be.

Any time.

Just have them.

You've got the opportunity.

Have a tube in your purse.

You don't need Lube on tap.

No.

You've wasted a finger there.

You've got a finger full of Lube.

You've got a finger full of Lube.

Water.

Prosecco.

Water.

Prosecco.

Espresso martini.

Lube.

And I want to taste your treat.

I want to taste your treat.

Liquids.

My watch is telling me we've been very loud.

Oh, sorry.

Because we've got so carried away with the Lube dispenser.

Okay, producer Jared has the ultimate tube out of your finger.

Oh, yeah, because I've got a spear.

91 unleaded.

No fucking, that's not my wrist.

I'm losing my wrist.

Can you imagine to fill up your car with a finger tube?

Dude, you'd be standing there for fucking hours.

I paid $110 to fill up the chimney there.

I'd stand there for fucking one hour.

You're wiggling it in for that money.

Great.

I'm going booze, Lube, and petrol in water.

Okay.

Yeah, any other ideas from the producers?

Tabasco's on my list.

God, fuck you.

Coming in here and stealing all my...

Well, hurry up.

Make it loose.

Come on.

That was my thing.

It's hot sauce.

Hot sauce.

Petrol.

Whiskey.

Black coffee.

And water.

That's great.

That's a great...

But I wanted one of the...

One of the top five.

I want treats in there, though.

Boiling water.

Coffee, which is what I do most with my boiling water anyway.

But we don't always look...

Like, where do the liquids get stored?

Oh, come on.

That was never part of the question.

Don't get into the fucking...

No, that was never part of the...

Logistics of the...

I have a thing called...

The logistics.

Oh, my God.

I don't want petrol in my body.

What about, like, a caviar finger?

No!

This is liquid.

That was actually my...

No, but I just want money.

I was actually my nickname of high school.

Caviar finger.

Caviar fingers.

Like, because they smell like fish.

I fucking wish they did.

Jesus Christ, loser.

Smell that sweaty dick.

Wow.

Wow.

Okay.

Let's leave this podcast here.

Bye, everyone.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.