ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 16th October 2023

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Fleshwater and Haley's Little Bit of Pod.

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Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod.

And so many messages today for the phone and topic.

What went wrong at the funeral?

Yeah, we thought, well, heck, we better do it special.

We did think, heck, we should.

We did think, heck, didn't we?

Really didn't do it justice.

Heck, we thought.

Heck.

It's triple heck.

So here we are.

Here we are.

It's two out of possible three.

Actually, in the producer's booth was across the heck.

Heck, heck.

Do you all say heck?

Heck, did everybody say heck?

Heck, we should do a podcast special.

Yep.

Yep.

Nah, shit's the other way around.

Nah, it kind of went fuck.

And it kind of stuffed it up.

Yeah.

Heck, heck, heck, heck.

Yeah, we did it all.

We all said heck.

And a heck.

Ah, so we talked about disasters at funerals.

When things went wrong, disasters is maybe a little bit heavy-handed.

Oh, yeah, you exaggerating a bit there.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

If you like it up.

If you haven't listened to the big pod, give that one a listen.

And you'll hear the story of Nana Squish knows.

Our caller of the week.

Amazing.

Big call on a Monday, too.

Yeah, I know.

Some messages in Instagram replies when we asked.

People said, keep this anonymous, please.

But that's okay.

We can do that.

Had an uncle's funeral where the mistress no one knew about got up and spoke.

No.

You don't speak.

You don't speak.

Go to the funeral.

Sit at the back.

You don't speak.

You have a private mourn.

I want to know what she said.

I wonder if she got anything in the well.

In the settlement.

Yes.

Maybe that's why she's making herself no one.

Petra said the priest dropped dead next to the hearse while people were saying their

last goodbye.

Oh, my God.

Death at a funeral.

Stid down the side.

As I was saying goodbye, that's pretty good.

He's done his duties.

Yeah, yeah.

Kind of just signed off, really.

Otherwise she'd have to postpone, wouldn't you?

Yeah.

My Nan nearly fell in another plot that was being prepared for later.

She was stepping backwards and someone grabbed her just in time.

Oh, my God.

Before she fell in a hole.

My dad's ashes went solid because of condensation.

Went to smash him up like on a rock like a bag of ice.

I didn't know condensation was.

I shouldn't keep an urn and a damper in it next to it.

I like to keep those little silica packs that you get in the Vitamins and stuff.

She should actually pop the urns.

Oh, my God.

Baking him up like a bag of party ice.

Oh, my God.

That's so funny.

On a rock, so in a bag, doosh, doosh.

That's so good.

How long have they been sitting for?

Maybe years.

Some people leave them for years.

Yeah, well, some people want to find the right thing to do with them, don't they?

Geez, I didn't even know that was I think.

So if you've got some ashes around.

Yeah.

Pop some silica packs in there.

Yeah, damper.

Yeah.

Sitting on top of the dehumidifier.

Or make sure it's a sealed container, like seal it.

Yeah.

There might have been a bit of air getting in.

There might have been.

Damn, here.

At my dentist funeral, the priest repeatedly called my grandad Bill and his name was Patrick.

That's a lot of people were saying, like, somebody said the whole funeral happened

and they kept calling the person who's been buried the wrong name.

And somebody else messaged in saying that the priest, their grandmother's name was Pamela.

And just like Slip of the Tongue, the person running the funeral kept calling her Pamela

Randerson.

Sorry, sorry.

Pamela.

Just Pamela.

That's so good.

My grandma's, the hearse had a flat battery.

So they had to jump, jump, start it with my grandma in the back.

That's what somebody else said.

Their grandad, the hearse went flat because the battery, the lights were left on, the

battery went flat.

Because the boot's up for so long.

And my uncle said, hold on, I'll get dad's jumper leads.

And there were the grandad who was in the back of the hearse, his jumper leads, which he'd

left in his uncle's car.

The ones that saved the day and jump started it.

That's cute.

Because I guess you can't keep the hearse running, otherwise you'll gas everybody.

Yeah, nice.

You just got to have the doors open and the boot open.

They probably put the boot down, open it up, sneak back out and open it up beforehand.

The funeral home, and this is a classic when you've got two going at the same time, switched

up slideshow.

So we got their slideshow, they got ours.

No.

You got one job.

Who's that fella?

That's, I don't know who that is.

Got it.

Great.

Grandad hated the song.

Yeah.

Ah, at my grand's funeral, the funeral parlor, mustn't that parlor, by the way, calling

it a funeral parlor, sounds very like 1860s, isn't it?

Yes, the parlor.

Yeah.

The funeral parlor had not paid for premium music streaming service.

Oh, my God.

It's also a tax write-off.

Come on.

For six months of Spotify.

That's so funny.

In the middle of a remember, it's a song, the song the ad came on, it was Brennan McCullum.

The one that was popping up everywhere.

We all looked at each other confused because it starts with hi, I'm Brennan McCullum.

We're like, so I'm going to Brennan McCullum to record.

Oh, my God.

Was that what he was doing ads for the game?

Did he get in trouble for doing ads in the UK for gambling?

Oh, I'm not sure.

Maybe.

Gambling sign for something?

Yeah, okay.

Somebody said, we absolutely lost that and had to leave a funeral where we were at because

we couldn't stop giggling.

The priest was walking down the aisle, swinging his smoke machine.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, the smoke.

What's it called?

Angler.

Your Catholic?

Yeah.

Aaron used to swing it.

Yeah.

Because that was what they said.

The priest was swinging this, but back in my day.

Incent swinger?

The boy got to swing the donger.

It's called a...

The smoke machine.

Every year.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Catholic smoke machine.

And he was swinging it really high and then he lost control of it and it swung around

and smashed him in the face and he got a blood nose.

And my mum and I just started laughing so much we had to leave the funeral because we absolutely

couldn't contain ourselves.

Great grandma's funeral.

Terrible.

Terrible.

That's it.

Yeah.

We all got together a couple of days beforehand, had a big family catch up, and all the cousins

watched Stepbrothers.

Right.

That's good.

That's a good time.

Now, when we got to the funeral, time to say goodbye by our trophy.

Oh my God.

And of course, that's one of the funniest...

Prestige will buy.

Yeah.

One of the funniest scenes in Stepbrothers and we just absolutely lost our minds and

we were getting told off by everybody, which only made it funnier.

Yeah.

So that was how grandma's funeral went off the rail.

Does getting left behind at the after-eats count?

Oh.

We're at my favourite on his funeral and at the EATS, the wake, I think that's...

Yeah.

The EATS.

EATS is the right though.

It is.

It's the EATS.

It's the EATS.

They have a little beautiful egg sandwich.

Club sandwich.

Lamington.

Lamington.

Lamington.

But a sponge.

You and your Lamingtons.

It's delicious.

It's weird.

It's weird.

I surprised my...

All my family left.

They were halfway home to Monaco.

The funeral would have been in deep West Auckland and I wouldn't have noticed that I was missing.

So I just kept eating.

Yeah, I would do the same.

Nice for you too.

Yeah, do it.

When my grandad was brought back to the house for the tonguey, we couldn't get the coffin

through the corners and doorway.

It was a very tall man, so we had to resort to standing the coffin up and kind of walk

to the coffin.

Oh, no.

You know when something's real...

Do it like a fridge when you walk the fridge?

Like the fridge.

Yeah.

So we had to step up on the corners, walk to the coffin through the house, and then

it had to be rearranged once the coffin was down because it...

Because he would have slumped.

Oh.

You were lucky you didn't have a lid break there.

Yeah.

He would have fallen face forward.

Yeah, and then he was a tall, long man.

You would have to pivot him around the corner to get him in the lounge.

Guys.

My dad passed away.

It was an open coffin.

My sister, who is on the autistic spectrum, went up, had a look, slapped him across the

face and said, is he not waking up?

And we were like, oh, no.

The deceased person's dog was very special to them, so they came to the funeral and they

were in the...

They were in the church right up the front, and then during the moment of silence did

this really long, loud, nasty dog fart.

Smelt so bad, cleared the room, the doors were open, the windows were open, the person

in the church didn't even know that the windows did open because they never had to be here.

Awful.

Awful.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

It was my nana's funeral, the son-in-law that she was never a fan of, somehow accidentally

knocked over one of the very tall candles, covering himself in hot wax, and sitting in

the curtain on fire.

A lot of us believe that was Nana having her last laugh.

So good.

So good.

Well, rest in peace.

Wait, this is the one we've got to finish on.

I told you this guy's this one before.

At great nana's funeral, the grave digger dug up the wrong spot.

He was meant to dig beside Grandad, but he put the digger shovel straight through Grandad's

coffin.

Oh, my God.

He would just be like, another sweet, honey, cover cover, cover, cover, cover, cover,

cover, recover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, dig, dig cover,

cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, dig, dig, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover,

cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover,

cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover,

cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover, cover.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.