ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 13th October 2023

The ZM Podcast Network.

Fleshwater and Haley's Little Bit of Pond.

Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with My Mac's Rewards.

Welcome to A Little Bit of Pond.

And we've got a first, guys.

We've got a first.

Oh, we've got a first?

What's happening?

We've got a first.

We've got a virginity breaking tonight.

That's somewhat of us a virgin.

God!

We talked some shit then.

Producer Jared, you are tonight

breaking your live comedy cherry.

Yeah.

Haley's taking my V-plates.

Oh, it's me.

Yeah, yeah.

Your he-he-he-plates.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your he-he-he-plates.

So you've been doing your comedy show.

All week in Auckland.

Yeah.

Tonight's the last.

No, no.

One more night after tonight.

One more night.

Okay.

But I'm saving the best for second to last.

It was good that Sharon's coming tonight.

And you've never, ever been to a live comedy show.

Never.

Never.

Not once.

Never.

Never.

You sit in a room and you have a glass of wine in your hand and you laugh at someone

and you go home.

That's the guarantee.

I think he's familiar with how comedy itself works.

I've heard of comedy.

Yeah, right.

And attending things.

Yeah, right.

They just haven't...

I just want to make sure in you.

You've watched Netflix specials, like comedian specials and stuff.

I just realised the pressure then of the situation for it to be a good show.

I'd say lots of people this week might have been there first time.

Really?

At a live stand-up show, yeah.

Oh, Jesus.

What are your expectations, JP?

Well, I've seen you at work at work and that's pretty okay.

That's pretty okay.

That's great for you.

Yeah, I do okay here.

Maybe be here next week.

So, yeah.

You had an early morning today and I know how tired I am at 7.30 on a Friday.

Yeah, but I've been having long schnozzes during the day to recharge for the night.

She's been recharging.

Yeah.

Well, I've obviously seen thousands of comedy shows in my life.

Yeah.

Like I've watched Dave Chappelle on YouTube.

No, I'm not like anything like that.

Oh, okay.

All right.

All right.

He is a master of comedy.

He is also a black gentleman.

Yeah.

Yeah, a slight difference.

I am somewhat of a novice.

You know, I've done 10 years of this and I'm a white lady.

And the show really has, as you guys who have seen it at least once, really has a white

lady feel about it.

Okay, here's my tips for seeing a comedy show.

One, don't sit in the front row.

No, because they pick on you.

I do use the front row a little bit on my show, not to pick on.

It's quite fun, but it just throws me when my friends are in the front row.

I come out and my friends in the front row are always like, what the fuck are you doing?

Did it pull you off when you could see us in the Plymouth at the big table?

Yes.

But we weren't right right at the front.

We were like a second big table back.

I know, but for some reason, the way they had the audience, because the audience is ever,

ever so slightly lit just so I'm not steering into the void.

I could see you've worn almost clear as daylight.

No, I asked for the spotlight.

Yeah, he was like, can we just get that refocused?

Can I have a spotlight, please?

Are you coming with the midi?

Yeah, the midi's coming.

No word on if she's seen comedy before.

Okay.

But yeah, we're going to have a few.

I've got another tip.

Don't heckle.

Never heckle.

I don't think Jared would.

I don't think Jared would.

No, I'm not a talker at the best of times.

No, I hate going to a comedy show and people heckle.

Mine's not really a heckle show.

No, yours isn't.

I don't chime in sometimes because I ask the audience a little bit.

You know, it makes some noise if you relate to this and some people chime in and I might

pick up on it, but you can heckle me.

Don't be like, why don't you try telling us something funny?

Okay.

Don't do that.

What kind of heckling is appropriate?

Great turts, stuff like that.

She likes that.

Jesus, set your eyes upon that set of legs, stuff like that.

Yeah.

Holy moly.

Love to wrap my lips around that one.

Is there a intermission?

Because I might need to pop out for a vape.

No, it's only an hour.

So show us it only an hour, no intermission.

However, you could do what Aaron does in theatre and just suck on it and blow it into your

shirt.

Aaron's a bad man.

Why, wear your hoodie backwards and put the hood over and just have a vape into that.

Absolutely.

My plan was to have the hoodie backwards and fill it up with popcorn.

Oh, yeah.

It's not a movie hon.

There's no popcorn at the theatre.

What do I eat?

You eat before you go.

You don't eat during the show.

You can't take a little bag of M&Ms or anything.

Oh my God.

It's not a movie.

It's not a movie.

If you hear a rustly bag of M&Ms, you know it's this guy.

I'll be like, Darren Shush.

I'm in the loft, so I'll wave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Good luck.

I'll review it in the New Zealand Herald on Sunday.

Oh no, please don't.

Don't.

And if you think it's not great, don't tell me.

All right.

We just came to work the next day and just didn't say anything.

Didn't say anything.

The worst things to say to a comedian after a show is like, man, that was so brave.

Or, holy moly, how do you remember all those lines?

Or the worst one I've ever had was, how'd you find that?

Yeah, that's a good one.

When other comedians say it to comedians instead of being like, oh man, great set.

Oh man, you're killed.

It's like, how did you find that?

Yeah, not good.

Not good.

So don't say that.

Okay, well good luck.

Yeah, good luck.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.