ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 12th October 2023

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Fleshwater and Haley's Little Bit of Pod.

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Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod.

Guys, I had one of those nights where I had a dream that felt like it lasted the full six hours.

Oh my God, yeah.

You know, it was like you closed your eyes, you just entered into a world,

and all these different paths kind of spread off.

At one point I was at our mine and Vaughn's friends,

and soon to be yours, I think, the more we bring them into the world.

Well, yeah, I met them for the first time with the Friend Bridge.

Yeah, the Friend Bridge is.

At your house.

Which was so successful.

Jake and Kasia, and I had a dream that I went into there,

because they live in a tiny home, that I went into their tiny home

and I borrowed a jacket from Kasia, and I put it on,

and I looked, and there were like massive bedbugs all through it,

because you know how bedbugs are like now in the UK

and they're all through Paris?

Yes.

And I was like, oh no!

And I went like this, and then I went out the house,

and I was like, shit, they're going to crawl all over me,

and I'm going to get them all through New Zealand.

So I went back inside and got the bloody,

more smart, more safe, more teen,

and sprayed the inside of the coat,

and then like wrapped it up and sort of fumigated them.

And I came out, and Aaron was like, why are you doing that?

And I was like, I got bedbugs.

Because I was reading the other day, sorry to...

No, please, please, please.

The dream continues.

What's the word?

Offshoot your dream.

Oh.

No.

Tangent from your dream.

You're going to deviate?

You're going to deviate.

Like a septum.

Yes, deviate from your dream.

But apparently they're having real trouble

killing the bedbugs.

Yeah.

Because the stuff that they're using,

they're resistant to.

Yeah, and they're also like on trains.

They're trying to round up.

I don't know if they're trying to round up.

But is this the word?

I don't round up the ants in the outside shed.

I just go this little round up, and I'm just like,

fuck you, get out of here.

And the ants are just like,

immediately like,

really?

Is this like the word?

Because it's so hot now,

and it's only going to get hotter,

that we're just going to have to deal with shit like this.

Bugs and shit.

Yeah.

Oh, fucking calm down, you greeny.

Ah, bloody bedbags are in around.

I say bedbags.

Bedbags, bugs, bombs,

bugs and boogles.

That better have a bloody ever.

Fucking bedbags.

I remember there was a summer in 1970

where there was bedbugs.

No one even knew what bloody climate change was then.

They weren't even born in 1970.

That's just what they say.

You think this is hot?

I remember in the 70s that was hot.

Well, it actually wasn't Grandad, but yeah.

It wasn't because it was hot in my dream,

I don't know why,

but that was part of the dream,

and then the dream continued,

went on a little bit,

and then at some point,

Fletch, you were there,

and the weirdest thing happened.

I was with like a group of friends,

and they were trying to encourage me,

as a friend recently did.

Wait, did we fuck?

We didn't fuck.

Okay.

But I did try to show you my vagina.

Feel.

What?

Because of the bedbugs.

My mouth, my mouth, my mouth.

So, no, the bedbugs were like separate,

but in the whole dream,

I had this like lingering thing in the back of my head,

like, fuck, I've bought bedbugs into New Zealand.

Oh my God, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

And then at some point,

Fletch, you were there,

Vaughan, you were there,

and all my friends are trying to encourage me

to get low-rise jeans,

because you know that they're fashionable,

and I'm a high-waist,

because I like to tuck, not flop.

Yeah.

Right?

And so, I,

someone was like,

get low-rise jeans,

and I got these low-rise jeans,

and I was like,

oh my God,

and suddenly I was like really skinny,

and I had like these bones,

like these like bones sticking out.

I was like,

I don't know,

they don't look that good.

Everyone was like,

no, they look great.

Yeah.

I was like,

just feeding me on my love handles,

and they're gone.

Yeah.

And then I was like walking around,

and we were all hanging out

with like a group of our mutual friends,

and then I felt a breeze,

and I looked down,

and the waistline of the jeans was so low,

half my mound was sticking out the top.

Like,

like there was no genitalia,

but it was like the full mound,

and I was like,

oh my God,

it's so rude,

and someone I can't remember who it was,

was like,

don't worry,

you've lasered off all your pubes,

you can't,

you can't skin anywhere.

And I was like,

oh no, I don't know.

And then I looked down,

and I was like,

fuck,

I've got all my pubes are back.

And I was like,

oh my God, no.

They don't be the bed mugs,

they don't be the bed mugs.

I could see them.

And then I went up to Fletch,

and I was like,

Fletch,

you're not going to like this,

but you've got to do me a favor.

And you were like,

yeah, of course, what?

And I was like,

can you look at my vagina

and tell me if my pubes are hanging out?

And Fletch started running away from me,

and was like,

no, no,

tell me whether or not they're hanging out.

And the feeling was so exposed.

It's like the top of my fluffy mound

was hanging out these low-rise jeans.

Which out of all of our mutual friends

would look at it?

And that's,

that's either gay or straight man.

Cause Morgan was.

I was like,

Morgan were James,

Sean.

No, James is never,

ever,

he's a gold star.

Yeah, I know.

He's a gold star gay.

Vaughn.

Yeah.

You'd look at my mound

and tell me if my fluffy pears

was hanging out the top of my jeans.

I'd just be able to quickly glance

and be like,

I can.

Whisper out.

These pubes.

Even if you were wearing jeans

and you weren't saying,

hey, can you check out

if my pubes are showing.

If I saw pubes,

I'd say,

I can see your pubes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what,

do you wake up in a hot suite

and you're like,

oh, thank God there are no bed bugs

and my pubes are gone.

Well, I woke up kind of early,

like two o'clock and I was like,

oh, God.

And then I went,

Aaron was awake and I was like,

what are you doing?

He said, can't sleep.

And then I went back to sleep

and like jumped back in.

Those are the worst.

Those are the worst.

Those are the worst.

And you wake up kind of exhausted

because you haven't rested

because it's been one continual story.

I did wake up embarrassed.

Just the idea that I was out

with these jeans was so low.

So to recount,

bedbugs up top.

Recap.

Bedbugs up top.

Mound.

Huge hairy man.

Hopping out.

Mound.

Also was huge.

Low rise.

She did not say it was huge.

I just said like half the mound.

No, I wasn't calling the mound huge.

I was calling the pubic.

Here's huge.

No, they weren't.

It was fluffy.

It was like all my pubes had come back,

but they were new pubes.

It wasn't a brush.

Eyelashes as pubes.

Yeah.

Because you know what the lazy hair remover,

you've got to touch up.

Yeah, you do.

Do you know what it is?

I think I'm due a touch up.

And so I was like,

That subconsciously ended your dream.

My friend Shari was trying to tell me

that high waisted jeans are out of fashion.

Plus there's been bedbugs around the world.

And it's all come together to create

a wildest dream

in which Fletch wouldn't stare at my mound.

No, you're not a true friend.

So rude.

So rude.

I like how I'm in trouble now

from something that didn't even happen.

Well, Vaughn's admitted.

He would tell me straight out the gate.

Welcome to having any form of relationship

with a woman.

Yes.

They're in your dream.

They're in your dream.

So the real emotion leaves the fake scenario.

Yeah.

To join the real world.

Just put it this way.

If your pubes were hanging out

at the top of your jeans,

I'd tell you.

No, but it's the look I'm going for.

Yeah, it goes with the bed.

Yeah.

It's in lieu of a belt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

To break up the line

between the T-shirt and the jean.

Pewpops.

Little pop, pop, pop, pop.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.