ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Lil Bitta Pod - 10th September 2023

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Fleshworn and Haley's Little Bit of Pod.

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Welcome to A Little Bit of Pod, where all the three of us, shocked to learn, that producer

Carl Wayne, owns a, I believe, an orangutan.

It's crazy, man.

You don't, I know that your house isn't big enough for that shit.

There's animal cruelty.

This is wild.

It's a vegetarian, actually.

This is poor behaviour.

Disgusting.

Don't worry, this thing's going to rip your arms off, because those things are superhuman

strength.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, so violent.

Well, thank you for all the concern and the worry.

No, I do not own it.

I am a adoptive parent of one that is in their natural habitat where they should be.

Are you the only one, or is this sort of like a multi-human orangutan?

Oh, they double up.

They double up.

Yeah.

Now, I think this is a multi-human situation.

They go to Warehouse Stationery and print off like 400 photos of this orangutan.

Yeah.

And then send them to the 400 people, and each of them think it's theirs?

Yeah.

Probably.

So you were all owning the same star, aren't we?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's kind of like a timeshare in Tootball.

Yeah.

Yeah, you'll start for the week.

You can only have your staff for one week in August, when Noel's on a holiday, doesn't

he?

No.

Yeah, on a Tuesday and Wednesday.

Yeah.

And the best thing is her name is actually Carmen.

Carmen.

Carmen.

Yeah.

You're orangutan.

What country is this?

Oh my gosh, she doesn't even know where it, you don't even know where it lives.

I would hazard a guess Indonesia.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you still own a small boy in Africa somewhere?

But we owned a small boy in Africa.

What's his name?

I don't know.

That was a lease.

That was a short-term lease.

Oh, but he was.

He lived in Mali, the country of Mali, and his closest major settlement was to Buktu.

Yeah, to Buktu.

How wild is that?

Wild.

So did the photos dry up or did you dry up the payments?

Yeah, he came of age.

He turned 18.

Oh, and they cut them loose.

Yeah, they just send them off.

Really, do they?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you mean?

Yeah, we went growing up and we had pictures of him in the fridge and we wrote him letters

and stuff, and then at 18 he just grew up and went by.

Yeah, I sent my dude balloons.

I didn't even think about it.

I may have introduced a...

NOS.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

They would have been nicer.

They would have been nicer.

I haven't gone nags.

No, no, I sent him balloons, but then I thought I've just introduced latex to an environment

that might never break down.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God, you're killing the planet.

But what did you think that when they turned 18 what you just keep giving them money,

like you give a 40-year-old in Africa a couple of dollars a day?

I don't know.

It's sad.

You never get to hear from them again.

Yeah.

Yeah, because you didn't hear from your?

Did he end up going to uni?

I don't know.

You don't know.

I just sent him from.

I was happy to come to go out and live his own life.

Well, I hope I continue to hear from him.

Oh, I can't wait.

I'm so sorry, but that looks like a stock image from Getty.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Let's just get you all across that.

No, no, no.

It's the Orangutan Foundation International in Australia.

Well, they don't have the orangutans.

No, no, no, but they help the orangutans that are in.

When Australia had those really bad wildfires, I bought a koala.

I've never heard from the guy.

Literally never.

Oh, no, Carmen exists.

So this was my Christmas present last year for my mum.

She adopted one called Carmen for me and one called Ryan for my boyfriend, Ryan.

That's really cute.

Are they ongoing payments or was this just a one-off?

I'm actually unsure.

So you don't even pay for it.

You don't know where it lives.

You just financially crippled your mother in a cost of living crisis.

Wow.

Wow.

She chose to do this.

She loves the orangutans.

She did.

She did.

She did.

Yeah.

So this was where we were talking about orangutans and that is when Shannon at the social media

desk said she hates monkeys.

I have never hated something more than a monkey's face.

I haven't.

And I hate their hands.

We are monkeys.

They're our hands.

No, that's why I hate them.

I don't like how they are like me and I feel threatened by them.

And then she said, they are us.

Then she said, hands are freaky.

If I had a genie wish, I would wish that monkeys didn't exist.

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We're fucked.

We're gone.

Because we're, do you know how genies are always looking for a loop?

You've got to be so specific with genies.

You've got to be so careful with genies.

You've got to be careful with genies.

You've got to be so careful with genies.

So specific.

Can I try again then?

Okay, go.

Okay.

Hi, Mr. Genie.

No, he doesn't need that.

He's just like, I'm the genie of the lamp.

Okay.

I wish to get rid of primate animals in a zoo.

No, no, no, no, no.

I haven't finished, I haven't finished.

Primate animals in a zoo that have thumbs that aren't the zookeepers

and all the ones like that kind in the forest.

Because now every person in the zoo is gone because we're all primates.

Well, that's sometimes just life.

I don't know, just get rid of the monkeys.

We moved from, it started with a conversation about owning an orangutan.

It moved on to the fact never leave Shannon in charge of the genie wish.

Genie falls into our lap, not her.

Yeah.

For a star, she's getting rid of monkeys.

Monkeys fucking rule.

Yeah.

What about the apes that are our natural successes?

What about our friends when Ross had a monkey?

I hate it.

And like, when we play that, you know, jack box, there's a game that we love,

but the host of it's called Professor Nanna's and I just leave the room.

I hate monkeys.

You've actually got a monkey phobia.

No, I don't.

I'm not scared of them.

I just fucking hate them.

Okay.

Can we pretend for a second?

Because Shannon's definitely not getting her hands on this genie lap.

Okay.

For three of us, each got to have one of the three wishes.

Where are we going?

Obviously, you can't wish for more wishes situation.

But it's all in the wording of how you ask.

Yeah.

You've got to be very specific.

I want to be a billionaire and you get turned into Bill Gates.

Oh, you know, like that sort of thing.

You're trapped in your trap.

Yeah.

And genies are motherfuckers.

You've got to, it's got to be like an A4, like 500 word wish.

You've got to get a lawyer.

Terms and conditions.

Boom, boom, boom.

Yeah, you've got to.

I wish I can eat whatever I want and drink whatever I want and it will have no negative

impact on my body ever.

Oh my God, I've lost my IBS.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've lost my bad skin, my breakouts when I drink too much.

Like it was happening right now.

No negative effect on your body ever.

That was pretty good.

That wasn't too bad.

But I reckon if you were a genie, you would find a loophole.

If you're listening to this and you can see yourself, you know, a genie in the making.

On the FEH International Podcast family, which is a group on Facebook, I encourage you all

to join, point out where Hailey could go wrong there and how that wish that she thinks is

well worded could have, could have ended up having negative consequence.

I await the critique.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.