ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 7th September 2023
NZME 9/6/23 - Episode Page - 1h 25m - PDF Transcript
The ZM Podcast Network.
The Flesh Fawn and Haley Big Pod.
Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Maccas rewards.
Good morning.
Welcome to the show, Flesh Fawn and Haley,
three minutes past six.
Joe Jonas, Sophie Turner.
Done.
Done and Duster.
I was reading, I was reading, she's a bit of a party girl.
Yeah, I saw that and he's a bit of a home body.
And then he was, you know.
So I'm more of a Joe Jonas,
because I just like just being at home.
No.
You're a Sophie Turner.
You're a Kevin Jonas.
But then sometimes I do love being Sophie Turner, I guess.
I'm a Sophie Turner.
Through and through.
And through.
Kevin Jonas.
You're Kevin Jonas.
Okay.
Which Jonas are we each?
I don't want to be the Doug Jonas.
Who's the other one?
Damien Jonas.
Joe, Kevin, Kevin and Brian.
Brian Jonas.
Michael.
Nicholas.
Nick Jonas.
Nick Jonas.
Nick Jonas.
Well, he's the most popular one.
I'm married to, what's her face?
Chopra.
Oh, with the yuck kitchen.
Remember her kitchen?
They had a bad kitchen.
Was she the one that had a yuck kitchen?
Oh my God, it's feral.
The one that had the pasta stickers on the drawer for the pasta.
Was that her?
I don't know.
Prianka.
Prianka Chopra.
Did she have an ugly kitchen?
Yeah, dude.
Oh, dude.
Yeah, do the good.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's.
No, that's not it.
No, that's not it.
That's an ugly kitchen, though.
Who had the stick on macaroni?
Yeah.
And then.
Celebrity.
Well, they had like vases of coloured macaroni.
Kitchen.
It was disgusting.
Macaroni jars.
Like, money cannot buy taste.
No, it can't.
I know.
Have you found it?
God, this is going to do my head in now.
I'm happy to be Nick if you want to be Joe Vaughn,
because we've got Kevin sorted.
I'm not Kevin.
I want to be the other one.
Brent.
Frankie.
Brent Jonas.
I love that.
Coming up on the show, the top.
You're a bonus, Jonas.
The top six is on the way before seven,
and there's a real fight breaking out.
Oh, my gosh.
Yes.
Two of our favourite New Zealand psychics at war.
Feuding.
Feuding, because they both believe they had a booking.
Yeah.
To speak to ghosts.
And Calvin Crockchank and Deb Weber.
Yeah.
And one of them has been kicked out.
I've got all the details, as well as before seven.
I will be tapping into my own personal psychic ability.
Yeah.
Which we know exists.
We're 100%.
And I'm going to be getting the information straight from the
horse's mouth.
Ghosts will be joining us on the show before seven.
Via me to tell us what's really happening behind the scenes.
I love ghosts.
Of the feud.
We'll get to the bottom of that.
It was.
Oh, my God.
I found the cabinets.
I found the kitchen cabinets.
Who was it?
I found the kitchen cabinets.
It's got big Kevin energy to have that.
Gigi Hadid.
That's who it was.
Gigi Hadid.
She's got a hideous kitchen.
Google it.
Oh, she's insane.
It was their passion project.
Featuring a bowl filled with old billiard boards on the kitchen bench.
Yes, that was ugly.
Magazine covers collaged on bathroom walls and window cutouts in the kitchen cabinets.
Pitch it filled with dried pasta spirals, dyed various colours.
There were magazine.
There were magazine.
Like, it was like a student flat.
It was, yeah, terrible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
That's it.
How embarrassing.
Yeah.
Like, worth so much money.
How embarrassing.
Has the tackiest kitchen.
Coming up on the show as well, the results from our silly little poll.
Do you kiss your pets?
Absolutely.
I got on the mouth.
I turned up 10 minutes later than usual today because I was having a beautiful kiss.
With Rolly, your cat.
Yeah.
Next on the show, though, somebody has, well, they think they've figured out the cure
for jet lag.
I get jet lag.
Big time.
Big flight to the other side of the world.
What are they saying is a cure?
Play.
Zm's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
Well, apparently the cure for jet lag is a big breakfast when you land.
Oh, really?
Even if you land at, like, night?
Yeah, have a big breakfast.
How, though?
A big breakfast is just a great cure for most of life's ailments.
Sad.
Big breakfast.
Big breakfast.
Tired.
Big breakfast.
Big breakfast.
So no matter what time of the day, you just turn up and have a big breakfast.
Yeah.
Like eggs and toast.
If I was landing and it was night, I'd want to have a big, I guess you'd have a big dinner,
wouldn't you?
Just a big meal, is it?
God, don't have to tell me twice.
Do you, like, does jet lag get you if you're going way over the other side of the world?
Way over the other side of the world?
No.
But, like, Melbourne, yes.
Because it's just so close.
It's only a few hours out, but it's enough to really throw you.
Yeah, you lose these hours that you thought you gained when you went over.
I'm usually all right, but you know me, I've got endless energy, so I just sort of push
through.
But I'll always eat.
Because our factor today during Windwake last week, which is the way it's easier to go...
It goes west to east.
It's quicker to go west to east.
But, and it's better on jet lag to go...
No, that was not factually backed up by anything.
Was it not?
You said that.
Did I?
You said that.
I think you've been making up.
You said that.
No, I'm pretty sure that's a thing.
You're just pretty misinformation.
It's easier on your body travelling if you're going...
As long as you're not vaccinated, that's what he said.
I did not say that.
He said pack your crystals.
No, that's definitely...
Pack your rose quartz.
One way that's easier on your body in jet lag.
And I'm pretty sure it's...
East to west?
Is that right?
It would just be not coming home.
Because when you come home, the adjustment's hard.
But when you're going somewhere, you're excited to be there.
So your body just...
You just force your body to adjust.
Yeah.
And slam it with cocktails and big breakfasts.
I don't know if cocktails is the way to go.
But researchers who study circadian rhythms
suggest that adhering to regular meal times...
I don't know what circadians are going to do with this.
Suggest that adhering to regular meal times in a new time zone
helps recalibrate our internal body clocks.
Oh, yes.
You jump into whatever meal was the time.
If it was midday, you have a big old lunch.
Yep.
If it's dinner, dinner.
If it's brekkie brekkie.
Because I'll try that if I'm coming back and I land.
You always get one of those flights that gets in at like 5 or 6 a.m.
You just got to stay up.
Oh, yeah.
Get straight in.
Have breakfast.
You got to stay up and try.
Yeah.
7 or 8 p.m. and then just go to sleep.
Yeah.
Stay up that whole day.
And then you kind of get back into the rhythm.
Yeah.
A bit faster.
But yeah.
Have a meal.
A big breakfast, they say.
And it tricks your body into thinking,
oh, it's breakfast time.
This is the time.
This is the time.
What if you've already eaten on the plane?
Eat again.
Eat again.
That food's not great.
Also, holiday calories don't count.
Exactly.
Sometimes if you're on the plane and you know,
they'll do your breakfast just before you land.
Yep.
Pass.
Oh, really?
You'd just rather pass.
You'd rather get like something really,
like good when you land.
Yeah.
Also, go those eggs absolutely toot you up.
I don't know.
I don't know if they are eggs.
No, they're not.
The powdery something.
I think where those clouds are.
I maintain that the food on airplanes is designed to make you not poo.
It clogs you up.
Because they don't want you shitting on the plane.
Absolutely.
If it can be avoided.
Or for the next two weeks.
Yeah, exactly.
13 pass six.
Next on the show.
They've worked out who complains the most.
Which names are the complainers?
And I'll tell you what, it ain't Karen.
I think they've kind of kept their heads down the last few years.
Yeah, Karen's been keeping it low.
What's the website, you know, where you go on
and it's like trusted, trusted, trust pilot.
Trust pilot.
That's a good one.
Yeah, so trust pilot.
Trust pilot.
I've never heard of that.
You know, websites will have a little, it'll have a badge somewhere.
It'll be like four or five stars on trust pilot.
Yeah.
And it's like a, like a.
Reviews and company reviews and, you know,
and it puts a lot of like, like mana behind the brand.
You know, you can go, oh yeah, that's a good brand.
People trust it.
Trust this brand.
Well, trust pilot are the people that did this research
at who complains the most.
Because you know Karen's, Karen's man,
Karen's had a couple of rough years, haven't they?
I got a friend called Karen and it's spelled with an I in it.
Karen.
People always call her Karen.
I think the I does something different.
It makes it spicy.
And she's always said, no, no, no, it's Karen.
And then in the last couple of years, she's like, fine, it's Karen.
Yeah, totally.
It's Karen.
Of course it is.
It's always been Karen.
I'm Karen.
So they did research into who gave the most one star reviews
of companies, right?
Which is pretty, like this will have some weight behind it
because trust pilots say they get nearly one million new reviews
each month.
Yeah, it's huge.
It's massive.
And it's worldwide as well.
Yeah, it is.
So they went through and like put it, put in all the data
of who was making the most one star complaints.
Who was complaining the most about companies.
Yeah.
And at the top of the list was David.
Oh, okay.
But also a very popular name.
David is making 20,000 complaints more than everyone else.
So David is the male Karen.
David's the male Karen.
Yeah, because I've got the feeling we're about to find out.
Well, they didn't gender it.
They just went, who's complaining?
Okay.
So David complains, followed closely by John.
Yeah.
And then Chris is making complaints just after that,
followed by Mark and James.
Chris could be Christine or Christopher.
Yeah, yeah.
No.
Male Chris.
Male Chris.
David, John, Chris, Mark and James absolutely having a moan.
All really popular names.
So I'd love to see them weighted.
Per capita.
Per capita.
You know, like, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How many?
And then the next, the first entrance of a woman on this list
comes after David, John, Chris, Mark and James is Sarah.
Okay.
Again, another popular name.
Sarah.
Yes.
Hi.
This is Sarah.
And probably born like, like would have been 80s.
Yeah.
Like 70s, 80s.
70s, 80s.
So in that real complain.
40s, 50s.
Yeah.
Hi.
This is Sarah.
Can I talk to John, please?
Yeah.
So the only other female in the top 15 list,
so it goes on with these names, is Emma.
Really?
This is Sarah and Emma having a mind.
Okay.
Producer Jarrod's got an image.
Does she love a mind?
Does she love a one star review?
Nah.
Nah.
She's still a male, mate.
No, no, no.
Speak it true.
She's definitely awake and she's definitely listening.
Good morning, Emma.
So she never complains?
No.
Never.
No, she'll only complain about me,
but that's usually justified.
What's your trust pilot rating?
One.
One or two stars?
Yeah, maybe I'll say two and a half.
Okay.
His steps, we'll remember the other week you told us,
he steps over the washing and ignores the dishes.
I think he's got a one star.
He's a one star, boy.
Yeah.
So what were the other names on the list?
So then they went, who gave the most five star reviews.
Okay.
And Karen was actually on that list in the top 15.
Oh, she got a lot of work to do.
She's got a lot of work.
Yeah, Karen too.
Yeah, she's really making up for it.
Play it.
Silly little pole, do you kiss your pet?
The answers that you could choose from.
Yes.
Yes, but not on the mouth.
Or no way.
Jose.
No way.
Jose.
Cabrera.
I feel like cat, it's more dog owners kissing their dogs on the mouth.
Yeah, because cats don't really kiss you back.
No.
Let's go.
44% of people said yes, they kissed their pets.
38% said yes, but not on the mouth.
And 18% said no way.
I voted no way.
Because the cat.
Oh yeah.
Cats eat other, like they'll eat their own vomit sometimes.
Not my cat, he's indoors.
He's indoors.
Yeah.
He eats his little biscuits and then that's it.
Right.
And his butthole.
No, he can't reach his butthole, he's too fat.
Oh, do you have to clean his butthole?
Do you have to shave his butthole?
Because my mother-in-law's cat's too fat and it's long-haired and she has to shave it.
Oh.
She has to shave her and it's fine.
No, I don't have to shave.
No, he's not long-haired.
He's short-haired.
Yes, but not on the mouth.
Where are you kissing the animal, top of the head?
Yeah, you ought to just give him a little woo.
Oh my God, I kiss Rolly all over.
No, I don't want to kiss the dogs.
Your cat's been under the house.
Yeah, I know, sometimes he stinks.
You're under the belly.
Yeah, it's a soft belly.
Well, just scratch it, don't kiss it.
No, I bury my head in it.
And 18% of people said no way.
And then the animal, this merches was for the goats.
Oh yeah.
Because they let me.
But do you kiss them?
No, I don't think, oh well I put my head down and like run heads with them and stuff,
but I don't kiss them.
But those are the only animals we have that aren't like yuck.
You only ever see them eating grass and then they sit down.
Yeah.
But like the dogs roll and shit, eat shit, like eat dead things.
But lots of people kiss their dogs.
Even though you've got like big, big dogs.
No, I don't kiss big dogs or little dogs.
Sometimes I like to, just on the record once a month,
I don't kiss dogs.
Does not kiss big dogs or little dogs.
Little dogs.
Any dog, big dog.
Sometimes I'll hold my hand just above their head
like I'm gonna pat them and they're like,
he's gonna pat and then I just hold it there.
You are only when you crack.
And I'll be like, hmm.
That's good stuff.
That's good stuff.
True to me and Kim Kim.
Right.
Well some messages in.
Ah, Tishan says, vet news here.
I see what pets look on the daily in the state of their teeth.
I am not kissing anything on the mouth,
but they'll get a kiss on the top of the head.
Yeah, top of the head.
A boop, top of the head.
Yeah, a little boop, a little boop, a kiss.
Kate says, because my boys are so cute and adorbs
and they just want lots of kissles all over their snoots.
Kiss the snoots.
It's pretty cute.
Yeah, I bet they're not.
You know, like people with like the ugliest dogs
are always like, oh shoot.
Oh my God, no.
It's my dog.
They show you photos and you're like,
that looks like a caught in a lawn mower.
Yeah.
We have imbred your dog to the point
where it can't even like, its eyes and nose don't function.
I don't have an animal,
but the thought of anyone kissing a pet is disgusting, says Jess.
They lick everything.
If you're going to lick your animal,
stay the F away from me.
You're nasty.
You know what?
I hope we hear from Grumpy Lisa today.
Yes, I am.
I'm in the mood.
I could dip a toe.
Kate, a cat, sorry, says,
just wait for the crazy people that say,
dogs' mouths are so much cleaner than human's mouths.
They'll always be at least one.
Are they though?
No, they're definitely nasty.
Alyssa, I absolutely love my pets and they need my loving.
Yeah.
I'm sure I love them many ways though.
Yeah.
I'm just going to bookmark that one.
What kind of psychopath isn't kissing their pet, says Trish.
This one, Trish.
This one.
Travis says,
little forehead kisses for my big doggo.
So that's, he's kissing on the forehead there,
which as we heard from the vet nurse,
is her preferred method.
The bup.
The bup on the kiss.
I am shook with it.
How many people said, no,
pets give you unconditional love.
Why wouldn't you show them affection?
Well, cat's dying.
That's conditional.
Yeah, that's very conditional.
On food.
And situational and everything.
No reply from grumpy Lisa today.
Fuck her up.
I know she's too grumpy to do so little polls.
She's so pissed off.
She is a little bit that we haven't asked.
She's still working through it.
Right.
Now, so a pet at pet MD asks a question,
are dogs mouths cleaner than human mouths?
A pet at pet MD.
So we're hearing from the animals.
The animals themselves.
Yeah, they're a pet doctor.
No, Dr. Michelle Deena answered this question on pet MD.
And no, a dog's mouth is not cleaner than a human's.
Both have about 700 different species of bacteria.
Yeah, but our bacteria is meant for our mouth.
Yeah.
Or not all of them.
Brush your teeth.
Billions of bacteria about 700 different species.
Right, yeah.
Yeah.
Keep the dog's bacteria in the dog's mouth, I reckon.
Have you just let their dogs absolutely
all over their mouth?
Yuck.
It is what I say.
Yuck.
It's yuck.
It's man.
And finally, Bridget said,
I voted too quick.
I thought that it said partner, not pet.
I mean, do you kiss your partner?
Yes, but not on the mouth.
No way.
No way.
Play ZM's Fletch for the Nailie.
Play ZM.
Look at this cat.
What do you mean?
Oh, yeah, the eyes are weird, aren't they?
Yeah.
On the head, that cat's got something wrong with it.
That cat, mate, loves to its sister.
That cat is the result of...
Mom and dad, we are...
All right, get off Instagram.
There is a new trend
when it comes to hotel rooms, and I mentioned
you've been travelling around a bit.
I've been in hotels, motels, holiday ends,
you know, and I've...
I don't have any complaints, actually.
Big beds.
Yeah.
Nice, dim curtains.
My only complaint is when, you know,
when they push two double beds together,
and there's a line in the middle of the bed.
I see you.
I see what you've done.
I know what you've done, hotel.
It's two little beds.
That's how most of their king beds function.
I know.
The key is putting a good mattress thing over the top
that binds them.
That's what hotels need to do
is get, like, some kind of topper
that you can't tell.
I'm sick of making love in those beds
falling through the crack.
I'm sick of it.
You're sick of being in the crack.
I am.
But hotels are embracing, now,
sleep tourism,
and guests that are wanting
a lot of sleep on holiday.
Maybe that's some parents with kids.
Or working travellers.
Or just working travellers,
or just people that are so run down
in everyday life that when they're on holiday,
they want to sleep.
They want to sleep.
They want to be in the hotel room.
But I don't get it.
Like, you're in another city, another country.
Like, get enough sleep,
but you need to explore, like...
What do I need for my hotel rooms when I'm travelling?
Definitely a good bed, a big bed,
good air con so I can regulate the temperature.
Oh, you've got to check air con
if you're going to a hot place.
Yeah.
But Blackout Curtains kind of stuff me up a bit.
Oh, and I love Blackout Curtains.
You don't know what time it is.
What time?
Who am I?
Who am I?
Love some Blackout Curtains.
So these hotel rooms,
and I wonder if it's a little bit
of just making use of, like,
space they wouldn't have normally been able
to put hotel rooms in.
But these hotel rooms have no televisions,
no telephones, no windows.
They use sound insulation.
So you're in a cupboard.
So you're in, like, a windowless room.
They have sound insulation, purified air,
and they're all about, like, light colours, dim lights,
natural wood kind of oak.
Look and texture.
And it's all about sleep.
So you're not going to be in a...
They're cupboards, aren't they?
They're cupboards.
They're straight-up cupboards.
They're in the middle of the building.
Yeah, no windows.
No windows.
I'm into all the...
I'm into most of it.
Just the no-window thing.
I think I'd start running around,
you know, like a bird inside.
So running into the walls.
Yeah.
I can't have it.
Like, have you ever been in a flat where there's...
Yeah, I don't...
There's no windows.
It's weird.
And there might be a little, like, ventilation.
Or, like, a skylight at most.
Yeah.
You're like, ugh.
Just...
It's a bit weird, eh?
It's not supposed to be a room.
But no, apparently this is a thing now.
When you start to book hotels,
there could be, like, a noise-free room.
Yeah.
Which, I mean, is better than getting one of those hotel rooms
on the third floor, right by the road.
Oh, we sleep.
And everyone's so in burnouts at, like, a little bit of a pocket night.
Yeah.
We had one that was by the train arms.
And they'd just constantly like...
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Oh.
I used to live next to train arms in Mount Albert.
I used to live there.
And all through the night.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
And then, every now and then, it would break.
And it would just ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, all night.
I think it meant breaking does not come on.
Well, and the train's just barrelling through.
That as well.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Play.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
From the bustling ZM think tank,
this is the top six.
Well, well, well.
Oh.
We've got a psychic feud on our hands.
We do have a psychic feud on our hands.
They were co-stars on TVNZ's Sensing Murder,
but Calvin Crockshank and Sue Nicholson,
no love lost between them now.
As Sue Nicholson apparently put a caveat
on some theatres
when she does her tour around
and talks to ghosts,
that no other ghost whisperer
can use that theatre for six weeks.
Six weeks.
To let the dust settle.
To let the dust settle so that it can juice,
because she's going to juice the ghosts.
She's going to milk the ghosts.
Yeah, right.
And then they're not going to have any milk left, but I don't know.
So after six weeks, do the ghosts go back into the ground or something?
And maybe.
Because she brings them up and he could just swoop in
and milk the ghost.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did they milk them?
Did she milk the ghosts?
That's how they get the information.
Oh, okay.
Milk them from the teat.
That's how people got the idea to milk ghosts.
Right, it's milking ghosts.
Okay.
So apparently,
at the Greymouth Regent Theatre
is where this promoter
of the Sue Nicholson tour said,
no other psychics for six weeks or whatever.
But Calvin Crockshank was due to perform there.
And they said, well, actually, we can't.
And he said, well, I'm canceling my whole South Island tour
and Sue's to blame.
Now, Sue's people have said he didn't need to cancel
his whole South Island tour.
It does seem a little dramatic.
Yeah, it really was.
Calvin Crockshank, dramatic.
What it smacks of is poor ticket sales.
Oh, okay.
That's your opinion.
Yeah, that's my opinion, allegedly.
It smacks of poor ticket sales.
Because if a concert's cancelled for family reasons
and then you never hear about anything family related,
it's often just poor ticket sales.
But it's hard to admit that, isn't it?
So I thought I could read this article,
draw my own conclusions, or
Yes.
I this morning could use my psychic ability
to connect with some ghosts.
Okay, and they can tell us.
Okay.
I'm going to need...
I actually have some hypnotic music here,
if that would be...
Sure, absolutely.
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
Okay, I'm getting a...
I'm getting a grandma.
Hmm.
Starts with B.
That's a Barbara.
Oh, my God, Barbara, I know a Barbara.
Tell me, Barbara.
Okay.
Barbara's got a message for a granddaughter.
I actually want to ask about...
Okay.
Just you.
Tell me this, and then we'll get on to the...
She wants to say,
no wonder you don't have a husband.
Your cooking's terrible.
Oh, my God!
And Barbara also says...
Oh.
If I must say it, Barbara, she wants you to know
you're very chubby for someone who can't cook.
Okay.
Barbara, can I ask you about, nope, but, but,
Barbara's fine.
Well, I think I know who Barbara is.
Right.
Well, Shannon just messaged,
I have a grandmother called Barbara and I'm a bad cook.
Oh my God.
I'm sorry your grandma called you chubby.
Yeah.
Number five, I'm gonna tap into another ghost here.
Okay.
Hmm, that's, oh, I can feel fur, it's a small,
it's a cat.
Oh my God.
It's a cat.
I've got two cats.
You've got two cats.
It's a dead cat called Tiger.
Oh no.
What is it that you want me to know, Tiger?
Or are you just meowing?
I don't speak cat.
Oh no.
You can hang around, but, oh, you wanna go outside.
Damn it.
Guys, if I just gotta open the ghost ranch later.
Okay.
Bye, Tiger.
Okay, number four, I'm gonna try another one.
Oh no, I think it wants back in.
Try it, no, no, it's not allowed back in.
It's just been fed.
It's literally just been fed.
Number four, I'm gonna go,
hmm, I'm seeing a man.
He's a father.
He's a grandfather.
He's got lollies.
Oh.
He's offering me one too.
Oh.
He's telling me they're your favorite lollies
that he used to give you when you were a little kid.
What do you want me to know about the feud between Deb,
I mean not Deb Sue and Calvin?
Oh, you can't, you can't say that word in 2023 lollipop.
That's, no, you're not allowed to call me a filthy Irish either.
I'm gonna have to go.
I'm just gonna grab a couple of lollies.
Just a couple of lollies.
I gotta go, bye, bye lolly brain dad.
These people don't know anything about the psychic feud.
No, they will want their own message they wanna get across.
Yeah.
Okay, okay, okay, hmm, I've got a number three.
Very different vibe, very different vibe.
It's a house plant that Fletch has killed.
It doesn't wanna talk about Deb, about Sue and Calvin.
It just wants to say you over-watered it.
Yeah, I do this.
I told you you'd do that.
Yeah, I know, I over-water it.
When it goes, it went brown on the tips,
it was telling you you were being over-watered.
Oh.
I'm gonna go for number two.
Who else is out there?
It's Tiger, he wants back in.
Oh, shoot.
I told you he wanted back in.
Okay, come back in, God.
Ghost cats are as bad as real cats.
Okay, number one, on today's Top Six Ghosts,
I'm talking to about the Sue Nicholson,
Calvin Crookshank feud.
Hey, I've got someone coming through, it's a man.
Yep.
Is it Dolphin, the moustache?
A Dolphin man.
No, it's Adolf Hitler.
I think.
I don't know if you're talking to Adolf.
I might leave it here, I'm not having a huge man.
What's that Adolf?
Oh, no thanks.
Why is David, why is David Seymour saying
every historical figure apart from use voting act?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't want to talk about it.
I'm hanging up now, God, this is what happens guys.
Got messy.
When you're metal with the psychic world
without the appropriate warm-ups.
I hope the two can get along.
I hope Calvin can get his tour back on track.
Well, same, otherwise I want my money back for my tickets.
Yeah.
I was going to the Motueka shine.
Do you block out other comedians
from performing at a gig?
Always Melody Brass while I get an eight-week buffer.
She steals their laughs, people only have so many laughs.
For tall white women.
I've got to say that cat wants to go out again.
Oh, for God's sake.
Play, Zerian, Sphlech, Vaughan and Hayley.
Yummy, yummy, yummy.
Am I tummy?
It's all rich and good.
Yummy, yummy, a segment of the show
where we take a look at new food items and trends.
So I still haven't tried the coconut Tim Tams
that we mentioned. No, no, no, Tim Tams.
Tim Tams, sorry.
Oh, I just, you know, you're all the way people.
What do you call it?
Tim Tams.
Tim Tams. Like, commoner.
We've talked about this before.
Tim Tams is the plural of Tim Tams.
Yeah, but what about ex-prime minister John Keyes?
Yeah, that's right.
That's right, eh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're always pluralised John Keyes.
Helen Clarks.
Helen Clarks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And just the Radians.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, we've got a new...
You're always pluralised your New Zealand Prime Ministers.
Please, and thank you.
It's World Leaders, Barack Obama's.
Barack Obama.
John Bushes.
John Bushes, George Bushes.
George Bushes.
Multiple Bushes.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we've got a new food item from Show Sponsor,
nonnies.
Non-nee, non-nee, non-nies.
Now, I believe Carwin has tried this.
It is a vulnerable handover to you with the exact...
Biscoff.
Which is the brand.
Yeah.
What is it? No, the Lotus brand of biscuit, Biscoff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What?
Lotus is like the parent company.
Yeah.
That's the brand.
It's like Griffins.
It's like Arnitz or Griffins.
Yeah.
So, the Biscoff biscuit, as a spread...
Which they sell it as.
May is a...
Yeah, which they sell it as, is now in a McFlurry.
Now, apparently this was delivered to work yesterday.
Yes, and what time was this delivered to work?
Because I was suspiciously absent.
Yeah, this was about 1pm.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
I was, I was...
It's not as fast from work as I can be.
That's seven hours to my bedtime.
Yeah.
So, I'm looking at the website,
our classic creamy vanilla soft-serve ice cream.
Yep.
Tick.
Topped with crushed Lotus Biscoff cookie crumble.
Okay.
And it looks like they've got a bit of a sauce.
Is that a caramel?
Yeah, I think it was caramel.
Yes.
Good.
It was delicious.
And you know what?
It was enough biscuit crumb that you can mix it
and it goes through every bite.
Nice.
Good.
Nice.
What if you get asked, because I do hot fudge.
I don't, I don't do caramel.
Or strawberry.
Same, same, but I think that a caramel would work with this.
Yeah, what is biscuit?
I'm sort of semi-familiar with this biscuit,
but I don't know if I've tasted it.
I don't think, but apparently I've had it
on top of a bougie donut.
It's like a Belgium biscuit without the icing.
Made love to a malt biscuit.
Gin, lots of gin, a big ginger element.
So like spices and a little bit of gin,
but not as full on as a Belgian biscuit.
Right, because they are quite a spicy biscuit.
But I would love...
So a malt biscuit with a bit more pizzazz.
Yes.
A malt biscuit with a bit more gingerbread.
Almost like a super wine had a baby with a...
Belgian biscuit.
Belgian biscuit, and yeah.
It was a three-way, was it?
No one's quite sure who the father is.
Yeah, I think, yeah, we don't know.
Bit of a mix up.
It's a bit of a mess.
Yeah, until we do a DNA-tested.
Yeah, okay, go anyway.
Could go anyway.
What would this make a good cheesecake base?
So I was thinking...
Hell yes.
Because I have...
I think I was like an airline in America recently
handed out these.
Like as a snack, as a cookie, like they do here.
And that was my first time trying it.
And I was like, this would make an amazing lollicake.
Oh, lollicake, because that's a malt biscuit.
It's got a bit more of a spice.
It's a bit nicer than a malt biscuit.
Because what's lollicake?
It's mullied up biscuits and butter.
It's malt biscuits.
And sugar.
No, sweetened condensed milk.
That's right.
And lollies.
And lollies.
Chopped up lollies.
Laura lollies form.
We don't call them that anymore.
I didn't say anything.
You were about to say...
I also grew up not using explorers.
We didn't use those.
What did you use?
Oh, yeah.
The little lumps.
What were those called?
I haven't seen them.
They were like a hard marshmallow.
Yeah.
We used explorer lollies for our lollicakes.
We've just had reports of someone who made a cheesecake
on the weekend using Biscoff as their base.
OK, how?
And they said it was, holy shit, they said, next level.
OK, well, who's going to make this lollicake for me?
Who makes a cheesecake?
Shannon?
Do you know how to make a lollicake, Shannon?
Yeah, we do it all the time.
And literally, I just wrote down that I'm
going to make one this arvo.
Oh, my god, fantastic.
A Biscoff lollicake.
Wait for tomorrow.
Yeah, why not?
This is great.
Friday.
Friday.
Biscoff lollicake.
I love this.
Because Fridays don't count.
This is fantastic.
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
You're going to not eat it tomorrow.
I can feel it.
No, oh, we'll eat that.
I'll eat that.
This is great.
No, I'll eat that.
We always get treats in here.
Me and Vaughan have them.
He'll blab, blab, blab.
He's like, I'm going to eat it.
And then we're like, blab, blab, blab.
He's like, jokes.
I'm going to look skinnier by comparison.
That's what he always says.
And then he grabs my back titties.
I do.
He always, he comes behind.
Yeah, he walks behind you and goes jiggle, jiggle, jiggle.
Doesn't do it to me.
Hi, titties.
He does.
But he comes up behind me and he pinches my bingo wings.
And he goes, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab,
I do.
And he says, where are you flying?
Yeah, where are you flying off this afternoon?
Yeah, where are you going?
And he goes, blab, blab, blab, blab.
I will eat this lollicake if we make it tomorrow.
Yes, go ahead, someone said.
I'll see your cheesecake, banoffee.
I'll see your cheesecake.
I gave it away.
I gave it away.
I see your cheesecake base.
Use it as a banoffee pie base instead of walnuts.
That's my number one.
OK, well, let's get some lotus biscuits happening.
Can we get some?
Can we get by?
So it goes hard in the McFlurry, is what Caroline was saying?
Yeah, it was around the office.
Georgia as well gave it rave reviews.
I want Biscoff biscuit, but I want the chopped hot fudge.
I'm sure I could customize.
You can do that.
You can make that work, yeah.
Next on the show.
We have the finalists for the most beautiful town.
No morrensville, which is it's a real kick in the gut.
We're a work, we're a working class.
We work, we just bloody work and make.
We don't have time to make things look pretty humble.
It's too many, buddy.
There's too much meth on the streets.
Excuse me.
Hover to title of most beautiful towns in New Zealand,
the finalists in the New Zealand.
Are they doing towns and cities or just small towns?
There's different categories.
I think there's five, five different categories
from like small town to large city, tiny town,
each of two finalists.
OK.
Now, morrensville actually nowhere to be seen.
We would fit into the most beautiful small town.
So we'd be up against Arrowtown and Turangi.
Yeah, you've never been to Arrowtown.
Yeah, that's a weird one.
Like you've never been to Arrowtown.
That should win hands down every year.
That's so beautiful.
Turangi is surrounded by beauty.
Yeah, and that's not its claim.
And good morning to our Turangi listeners.
You are a popular stop, and I love
to go into the petrol station there.
And I've stayed at the top 10 park multiple times.
But you're no Arrowtown, are you?
You're no Arrowtown.
You are no Arrowtown.
And in fact, I feel sorry if they're even
putting you on the same stage.
It's like if only two people entered Miss Fongamata,
you know, and one was a stunner and one was a minger.
And they had to put them both up on stage
and you're like, let the minger go.
Don't do this in front of a crowd.
This is, it's verging on cruel.
Snowmongers called them a minger, but.
Maybe we need to give them consideration
because it's based on a commitment
to environmental improvement over the past year.
Now, I haven't stopped past Turangi for a while.
Oh, that'd be why Lawrence was never on the list.
They're all that cow poo.
So it's like, hey, nice nitrogen flows into the water
just like the old days.
So in the tiny town category, we have
Awanui in Northland and Lee in Northland.
The Lee Sawmill.
Yeah.
Now Awanui, I don't know in Northland,
but I think all of Northland's bloody gorgeous to be fair.
Oh, it is. It's beautiful.
Ireland, Lee's not Goat Island.
Yeah.
So they've been, Lee's been investing a whole heap
in, you know, unique natural surroundings.
So Awanui is like Kaitaia.
It's just north of Kaitaia.
And they've been doing lots of outdoor artworks.
Oh yeah, okay.
A beautiful spot.
So then there's Eirutown and Turangi and Waikato
for the small towns.
Okay.
Taupo and Whakatane.
Turangi's not Waikato.
It's far too far down.
It's fair, but listen to this Waikato.
Yeah, they have.
Weird, okay.
Now we've got Taupo and Whakatane
competing in the large town category.
Oh, okay.
Who would you go there?
Because both, you've got Whakatane by the sea, obviously.
Because they were saying,
they were both the finalists in 2021.
Whakatane won over Taupo.
Okay, so it's a rematch this year.
Taupo's got ongoing work of council and community groups
to look after, like Taupo,
including new rubbish bins along the walkway.
And they've got the giant letters.
It's absolute Instagram bait.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whakatane does need a little Instagram bait.
You reckon?
Yeah, it's got a lot of letters though.
Because it's got the...
It's hard to get in a portrait photo.
Who is guarding the bar?
Were you going to go out over the bar?
I haven't been to Whakatane for ages.
Oh, Whakatane.
I can't remember who's guarding the bar.
It's a multi-safe goddess of safe travel.
Anyway, too far away.
Right.
Too far away.
Yeah, right.
You need something that's a bit more Instagrammable.
Yeah, okay.
So then we move to Small City.
Here we go.
The finalists are...
Here we go, here we go.
Whanganui in Manawatu.
And...
New blood, blood, blood, blood, blood, blood!
I'm sorry about this.
No, Whanganui's got this.
Shit's all over Whanganui.
Wrong.
I'm sorry, I love New Plymouth.
I love Lin Lai, I love the art.
Whanganui is gorgeous.
Whanganui's turned it round.
Yeah.
Don't know why I put a can there.
Whanganui.
And then I dropped so hard on the wah.
I really wanted to give that aah.
I want to go in that tunnel that they've got.
And we've got the giant pencils.
And they've got the largest indoor elevator.
But what have they done?
Because you've given us other bits and pieces like
Topol got rubbish bins.
Yeah.
Well, New Plymouth has been pushing their sustainability.
So doing lots of natural installations.
Don't look at the gas, don't look at the gas.
Don't look at the gas, look over here.
They do scraps recycling now.
And they pick up everybody's compost.
And then they truck it hundreds of kilometres away.
That is one way to make it sustainable.
Make your rubbish another city's problem.
That's also what Auckland's about to do too.
You're going to truck that down to, I believe, just south of...
Take a few trucks to get rid of that trash in this city.
So apparently New Plymouth's vision for the city
is to become the sustainable lifestyle capital of New Zealand.
It's beautiful.
And Whanganui has been just doing lots of initiatives
to preserve the environment.
OK, that's gone.
Well, New Plymouth has this.
It's the climate.
New Plymouth's climate.
When do you hear this?
Now, when the wet tornadoes.
We've got the most beautiful large cities.
Now I'm going, for me, Wellington on a good day.
And you know how I feel.
No, no, no, it's too drippy.
Queenstown every day of the year.
It's drippy.
Everything looks like it's on the verge of being red-sticket
for an earthquake.
The finalists for most beautiful large city.
Go on, Hamilton.
Christchurch, which I sort of agree.
You know, they've done so much.
And they continue to do so much to really...
Yeah, but they're still mucking around.
They are.
God, there's some buildings.
You're like, tear that down already.
Get it down.
I'll do it.
Now, here's where I'm confused.
And I say this having just been there last week.
Hamilton.
Tauranga.
Ah.
Beautiful by the port.
Yeah, beautiful.
Beautiful by the port.
Beautiful.
Why are you confused?
The port's the worst part of Tauranga.
No, but I like port.
I want to go down there.
I don't want to play out with them.
I like a tawny port, and I like a boat port.
I like a really port, but I don't like a...
I understand the need for port.
Yeah, and I think they're visually...
Tauranga's beautiful.
But listen to this.
Tauranga is beautiful, but the port's the worst part.
She listed it as a good point.
I like the port.
Judges led to Christchurch as a finalist due.
The council's focus on sustainable local food production
and distribution systems.
Tauranga has been trying to enhance
the environment of their district.
Tree planting, roadway stormwater,
drains to public areas.
Boring categories.
It should be like cool restaurants and stuff.
Yeah, like nifty barns.
Tauranga should be way ahead with how high rates are down there.
Look at some mates.
They talk about the rates of the rates.
They're half on.
I don't feel bad for some of the people that make the rates.
When are they announcing this?
Massive rates.
November 9 at Parliament.
I'll be there.
Tau, I'll be there protesting.
New Plymouth.
Oh, my God, anti-New Plymouth.
Can you hold a sign?
Like, where's Morinsville and all of this?
New Plymouth, more like old Plymouth.
No, hey, New Plymouth was competing against Fonganui.
Well, like, what?
Morins will be competing against Arrowtown.
That's the minger and the gorgeous person on stage again.
I'm glad Morins was not in the final.
We'd be obliterated.
Play ZDM's Fletch Von Inale.
Play ZDM.
Ding, bong.
There is no fair that the dip-dop-potatoes
found out in Wellington.
I heard dip-dop potatoes.
Dip-dop-dop.
When you find Wellington.
On a plane, the scene has officially begun into Wellington.
Oh.
And that's when they wheel out the lolies.
Well, Reddit user ChooseYourGuilt said,
how many lolies are you supposed to take?
Because I was on a flight with my child.
My child asked me how many I should take, how many can I take?
I said two.
No, one.
At which point he pointed out saying
some people are taking way more than two.
So then the discussion began.
How many lolies do you take when you're offered lolies
from the little basket that always reminds me
of the Catholic collection basket at church?
How many lolies are you allowed to take from the lolly basket?
For me, it depends on age.
If you're a grown-ass adult, it's one.
But as a kid, they used to always let you take a little handful.
Sometimes you could take off your cap
and they'd fill up your cap.
Or fill up the sick bag.
Yeah, fill up the sick bag.
If you do a few for the road, a few for the road.
If you didn't spew on it.
So people were saying no more than two.
And if they smile at two, take three at the most.
Somebody else said a handful.
People are like, no, because then it gets to the end of the plane
and people might not have it.
So what you had here is a real dynamic showing
on how people function in society.
Do they believe because they were the first of the trough,
they should be able to have as much as they like
and if you were last of the trough,
tough metaphorical, of course,
there might not be a lot left,
but why didn't you just get to the trough earlier?
We should put this to the test.
Next time we're all on a plane together,
we should sit in separate rows, right?
But kind of up the front.
And we should each take a third of the basket.
And then just see what they do.
Scoop it onto our lap.
Like, warn you, start and you take a whopping handful.
I've seen them get them out of those little, you know,
lockers that they have.
They've got bags of them in there.
Yeah, they don't have plenty,
I just think it'll be funny that I don't think
they've ever emptied the basket.
But it's not about how much they have.
It's about, to me, it's just about, like,
it's one, like you should have one.
It's one, it's just one, right?
It's just because something's there,
says the guy who will absolutely polish off a bottle
if it's put in front of them.
I was like, are you talking about a free bartend?
No, I'm not talking about wine, I'm not talking about booze.
Just because it's there, you shouldn't,
like this person was trying to give their kid a lifeless,
no, don't take more than you need.
People are just like, give me more.
It would be weird to see an adult take a handful.
Like that would be weird.
I think we should do it,
I think we should empty the basket.
They asked Air New Zealand's official
Chief Customs Sales and Lawly Officer, Leanne.
What, that's not a thing?
No, I know, but they were just trying to be cute.
Okay.
They said a handful is acceptable.
No, everybody can't take a handful.
You can't take a handful.
And how big are the ones,
even if it's got different sizes?
Otherwise the prices will go up
because they're going to have to buy, like,
more lollies.
1,000% more lollies.
Yeah, and they'll just pass that straight on to us.
I'd rather have, like, no lollies and some cheaper airfares.
Oh, always.
Yeah.
1,000% of the time.
Now, somebody's just messaged them,
take them all, trust me,
my old man works for Air New Zealand
and they get all the leftovers in its bags and bags.
Now, why are they giving away the lollies?
Cause they're made of pure sugar
and I don't believe that has an expiration date.
No, they'll just last.
Maybe the leftovers are,
if they've been in the bar then they can't use them
after they've done a basket run.
I don't know.
Surely not.
No, they're wrapped for that very reason.
Yeah.
As a former flight attendant,
the flight attendant doesn't care how many lollies you take.
There are lots on board.
It's more annoying when people take a long time
to choose a color.
Oh, yeah, just grab a pen.
Okay, so that's not a handful
because then you're going to get one of the color,
but don't sit there and pick out a handful
of your favorite color.
No, as if you want all red.
There are pellets of those lollies at your airport.
Pellets.
Okay, pellets.
So take a handful.
Somebody else said,
as someone who gets badly blocked is,
one is never enough, always take two.
One doesn't last the whole descent.
I would say suck a little less.
You need to get some chewing gum.
Yeah, that's on you.
If you've got poppy ears.
And stop sucking so hard.
At the last long, if you just stop,
I'm going to be, I've got an aggressive tongue
and a hard suck.
Ah!
Unfortunate situation.
We can't choose who we fall in love with.
The heart wants what the heart wants.
But there is a wife who was taken to Reddit
to ask people,
oh, what are we going to do about this?
Now, when she got married to her husband,
she kept her own name.
As I intend to do, it's...
I mean, that's assuming this marriage will happen.
Because how long have you been engaged for?
For years.
Yeah, look at Georgia Burtz on the phone
with another wedding supplier,
and she's only been engaged a couple of weeks.
Oh, she's...
Look at that, she's out there doing business.
She's out there doing business.
She looks miserable, organizing this wedding, by the way.
Look at her, she's far straighter.
She was significantly more stressful than she thought
it was going to be.
She's a little hot as well.
She's got a tan, she's working on it.
Anyway, what ever, no pressure.
We're talking about you.
We're talking about you on here.
Not to you, about you.
Oh, well, yeah, she's looked away.
Now, she got married to her husband.
She didn't take his last name,
kept her own name.
Might have something to do with the fact
that his last name is Butt.
B-U-T-T?
B-U-T-T.
Okay, yeah.
Great opportunity for him to change his name too,
if he wanted...
But he didn't.
What was her, what's her name?
It doesn't say actually, she doesn't say her own name.
I was going to say Hyphen.
I was going to say Hyphen, but what if her name's Hull?
Do you get it?
Oh, Tric?
Mrs. Hull, do you take Mr. Butt?
God, thank God they did it in that order.
Butt Hyphen Hull.
So, the rest of you, she's gone to Reddit though.
Jimmy Butthole, is it?
Yeah.
I don't miss.
My parents didn't think about the Hyphen.
She said, they don't have kids yet,
but they're thinking about it, right?
Right.
And so, this is the debate.
She's like, I don't want my kid to be Jimmy Butt.
Or be Theo Butt.
Oh, yeah, right, yeah.
So, she's like, how can I bring to his attention
that they can't have Butt,
they should take my name or a Hyphen it.
Butt Fisher.
Because if they call that kid Hullio,
and then he's in class.
Yeah.
And then they're like doing the role
and they always put the last name first.
They're like...
Hullio Butt.
But Hullio.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Butt Hullio.
It could go so wrong.
But for him though, it wouldn't be an issue
because he's lived his whole life like this.
And for him, it's not an issue, right?
And it's a family thing.
He's got like this whole like heritage kind of vibe.
He wants a name to continue.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That kind of stuff.
Yeah.
But I wanted to know if...
Seymour.
I think Grand Rapids.
Seymour Butt.
I want to know if you refuse to take
your partner's surname
because it was a bit...
Or maybe you've got a boyfriend now
and if this ends in marriage,
you're going to end up with this name.
And you're like, no, absolutely not.
Absolutely.
I had a friend who was about to marry a man
whose last name was COX.
Cox.
Now, were you told her?
Well, she simply can't.
Yeah.
She has to keep...
She can't have the name.
Well, thankfully the relationship disintegrated
and that never went ahead.
But...
Right, okay.
I was like, you can't be Mrs. Cox.
Pick up.
Yeah, yeah.
If you had a choice,
if you're born into it,
you're born into it.
Yeah.
But if you can choose...
Yeah.
Yeah, go with, yeah.
Okay.
We wanted to know if you had to refuse
to take your partner's name
because maybe it was not a great name.
There's a woman who doesn't want her kids
to have her husband's name.
Butt.
But B-U-T-T.
Mr. Butt.
Natalie joins us.
Good morning, Natalie.
Good morning.
Now, are you engaged or with someone
and you're about to take their name?
No, we've been here about four years.
So, it's on the card.
Okay.
Right.
Do you want to take his name?
I do because we can't hyphenate
because it's just not appropriate.
What's, okay.
What's his, what's your surname currently?
So, my surname is Cox, C-O-X.
Okay.
And his name?
And his surname is Bull.
Bull Cox.
C-O-X-Bull.
C-O-X-Bull.
Bull, yeah.
You can open a bloody good English tab.
I was going to say it sounds like the name
of an English pub.
C-O-X-Bull.
I've been to a C-O-X-Bull.
Yeah.
So, you'd be Bull Cox or Cox-Bull?
Yeah.
That's right.
No, it's not heavy.
So, what are you going to do?
I will probably just take his last name.
Bull.
And be Bull, yeah.
Natalie Bull.
Okay, Natalie Bull.
Natalie Bull is quite cool.
And then any of your kids would just have
the last name Bull.
Bull.
Yeah, that makes sense, doesn't it?
Yeah, I thought you said Bulls.
When you first said Bull.
I was like, Cock-Bull.
That's so cool.
No, it's B-E-B-W-O-L.
Yeah, right, right, okay.
Natalie, thank you for the messages in.
I knew a woman and her name was Megan Fegan.
Fegan was a married name.
So, she married in and took the name.
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
That's slightly more acceptable than your parents
having the last name Fegan and calling you Megan Fegan.
Yeah.
My other friend is marrying Mr. Tilly.
Now, she takes her name,
her name's Jen, so she'll be Jen Tilly.
No, that's a, that's a prank.
Jen Tilly.
That's a prank.
That's a prank, Tilly.
That is a good one.
No, that's the same one.
That's the same person that said Megan Fegan.
I believe this person with my whole, my whole soul.
My wife was a Seymour and I'm a Moor.
We joked about becoming the Seymour Moors,
or the Moor Seymours.
Moor Seymours is good.
Oh, yes.
Do it.
Hallie Jane Moor Seymour.
Keep your texts coming in 9-6-9-6.
You can give us a call as well.
I'll 800 dial to them.
If you refuse to take your partner's name,
because it's silly, we are talking about
whether or not you took your partner's name
and you said no, I won't actually, because it's silly.
Yeah, a woman doesn't want the last name, but, but UTT.
The But family.
A lot of messages in.
My auntie could have been garlic farmer,
if she'd hyphenated.
Oh my God, amazing.
Garlic is a Seymour.
Is that her last name?
Yeah, garlic with a K on the end.
Oh, okay.
Of your traditional garlic and a farmer.
Yeah, garlic farmer.
There was a boy in Riften called Chris Cross.
Now, cause Cross is a, like Cross isn't.
Cross, yeah, as a cross.
Yeah, yeah, lots of crosses, but they said it was a,
I guess they got a surname,
but then he could change his name at marriage.
But then if he married a Chris,
Chris and Chris Cross.
Christine, Chris and Chris Cross.
Yeah, Christopher and Chris and Cross Cross.
Who was I talking about yesterday
and someone knows an Adam and Eve?
Oh yeah.
Yeah, they got together in the Adam and Eve.
So I thought it was quite cute.
No, not reading that text.
You silly, silly, you're trying to trick me.
I'm trying to trick you.
You're trying to trick me.
My last name's Johnson and my boyfriend's last name is Dicky.
So if we ever get married,
I'll just be trading one penis slang for another.
Oh my God, I love the last name Dicky.
I don't know why, that's so cool.
Johnson.
Hailey Dicky.
A guy at school, his mum's name was Mary Christmas.
So she married into the Christmas family,
took the name and became Mary Christmas.
Is that actually a real last name?
Christmas.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm only basing it off.
Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber.
That's the only other person that,
aw, it was Jimmy Christmas and the New Zealand band.
I mean obviously they had that father name.
Father Christmas, but true.
Yeah.
But he was more the father of Christmas.
I don't think his first name is Father.
Or his last name is Christmas.
Yeah.
What about this one?
When I worked in a bank, there was a woman called Sue.
Her last name was Flay.
Her married name was Flay.
So she was Sue and she got married into the Flays
and became Sue Flay.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's good.
If it was inoffensive and it was kind of fun,
like Sue Flay, I'd be like, how about Sue Flay?
How fun is that having that conversation
with people every single time you give them your name?
Yeah.
And also when they write your name down,
it'll be like S-O-U-F-F-L-E with a accent.
Somebody said my ex's last name was Thrush.
And to be totally honest with you,
everybody's saying, have you got Thrush?
Triggered.
It was just one of the reasons.
Two other reasons why I'm never gonna work.
Someone said I was happy to get married
because it got rid of my last name, Tarbottom.
Tarbottom?
What a knacknack.
What a soon name.
I've never heard that soon name either.
I've never heard that soon name either.
Like you've sat on the road in summer.
Yeah.
We've got a Tarbottom.
Oh, you've got a Tarbottom?
Tarry Bottom.
I love someone who's gonna be like,
I didn't take my husband's last name because feminism.
Now look.
That's cool.
Each to their own.
That's cool.
Each to their own.
I bet he had a dumb one.
I went to school with an Iona Weenie.
I wouldn't take Weenie.
But she, I wouldn't take Weenie.
But she was born with Weenie.
She was born with Weenie.
Yeah.
She was one day giving away the Weenie.
Yeah.
Some of us were born with Weenies.
Oh my God.
My friend's name is Midori.
No.
No, it's not.
And she got married to someone whose last name was Bailey.
Midori Bailey.
No, see are they tricking us?
Are they tricking us?
Midori and a Bailey is a QF, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
It's a QF if you mix them together.
You can't trick the old Smithy.
Well, they totally did because they liked it
so much when they first read it.
Girl Math.
Girl Math.
Girl Math.
Girl Math.
It's time for another edition of Girl Math
where the girls will try and justify spending.
That's right.
In a fun, silly little way.
Now, we are joined by Lucy
who is employing the services of the Girl Math girlies.
Maureenah Lucy.
Maureenah team, how are we?
Good.
Just thriving, pumping and excited
to hear what you are thinking of spending your money on.
So, I am a Pilates princess.
I hold no bars.
I am a Pilates princess,
but my finances do not allow me to be a Pilates princess every day.
It's expensive.
It's expensive.
You need some of the dupes.
The act of where that's not actually expensive.
Yeah, yeah, there's no Pilates dupe, though.
I think you're promoting to her turn of the century
perfume drip, J-O-O-P.
No, I'm not sure why she needs a drip, no.
So, it's not the clothes that are expensive.
It's the actual Pilates.
It's the classes, yeah.
So, there's all that.
You know, when you've got the machine
and you're in there with your 12 other friends, your girlies.
So, my dilemma is,
50 classes is $1,200.
Whoa!
That's under one a week.
As we know, you can get a deadly handbag,
a deadly pony's handbag for that.
So, do you have...
Why do you need a reformer in a class?
In my day, you just sat on the lounge floor
and popped on Mary Winsor Pilates.
Who passed away, by the way, in 2020 of ALS?
No, the reformers wear it's...
Oh, R.I.P. R.I.P.
But no, the reformers wear it's ad, isn't it?
It's so hard, but so good.
I went this morning and I am still shaking.
Wait a minute, what's the machine?
They strap you into the machine and they pull the cords in there.
Well, you strap yourself on.
They don't strap you in against your will.
Who pulls the cords? Who pulls the cords?
Well, you're there pulling your own cords.
Oh, no, that's very hard.
This is my problem, because Lucy,
I wanted to do Pilates as well.
I feel like I could be a Pilates princess in the making.
But if you... I don't want to get rid of my gym membership
because I lift bra.
You know, I lift bra.
That dump doesn't come...
I think I'm exactly the same.
Yeah.
You've got your normal gym membership.
We're still in chief.
I mean, I go to a normal gym, but, you know, I can't do both.
You also need a lot of my security here.
Well, let's try to work out to see if you can do both.
OK.
Let's bring in the girlies, Kaleen and Shannon.
Hello.
What are we thinking here with Pilates?
Are you guys Pilates queens?
No, I would love to be.
So this myth might work on me.
Yeah, aspiring princess over here.
We might make money for Lucy and also the Pilates industry,
because the three of us might go, hang on, if it's free.
Maybe we could all join Lucy in a class.
OK.
How are you going to do this?
Because this is a lot of money.
Well, I looked up just to get us started,
because none of us are experts on Pilates here
other than Lucy, who herself is a Pilates princess.
The benefits of Pilates and the endless,
increased core strength, posture,
decreased back pain, prevent injuries,
increased energy, enhanced body awareness,
decreased stress, reduced menstrual pain,
improved flexibility, mobility,
improved balance, immunity, six life
can even improve from this thing.
I've seen it all.
It can feed it all.
Who do we want to start with, girlies?
Kaleen, do you want to kick us off?
Yeah, sure.
So that list is large,
but also there's one that's missing off of there,
mindfulness.
Mindfulness, you know, this is good.
Oh, they're about to put a price on mindfulness.
No, no, no, listen, listen, listen.
There's no price on going to a class
and just feeling like the most put-together person you've ever been.
Listen, I can hear your put-togetherness
and you went this morning, I can hear it.
And you know what, your alternative to that
could be a bit of therapy.
It is like a form of therapy, right?
Absolutely.
If we had a little Google,
therapy on average is about 150 to 200 per session.
Yeah, that's right, I know.
I know.
I know.
Because Lucy, when I went to therapy
and then she was like, you should go to Pilates
and I said, no, I can't afford it.
And so instead I went to therapy
and that was so much more expensive.
I should have just done Pilates.
Yeah, you should have.
Yeah.
So if you're going,
so I think you're taking the 1200 option.
It's 50 classes, right, for $1,200.
So what does that break down to?
$224.40 per class if you went once a week, right?
That's $24.40 once a week.
Now, if you go to therapy, say once a fortnight,
at $250 a session, that's $125 a week.
So you're actually saving already $125 minus $24.40.
You're actually saving $100.60 already.
Can I add it?
A week, a week.
A listener's piped in.
Oh, OK, message done.
Is it a girly?
I'm not a girl, but just thinking about the fact
of how much at work we deal with people
who have significant injuries due to the fact
that they haven't built their core strength
or their back strength.
And when you go on ACC, you only get 80% of your wages
for six months.
And if Lucy's earning a high amount of money,
if she's a high earner, you give us a bracket.
You don't have to tell us how much you earn,
but are we just scraping by or we're doing all right
for ourselves?
I think we're doing OK, but we're only going downhill,
you know, in a cost of living crisis.
So you need to save the money.
Well, there you go.
So nothing on only 80% of your wages.
So let's say she earns $100,000 a year.
She's losing $20,000.
And she doesn't spend $1,200.
Only for six months.
Yeah, and then otherwise, if she's getting an injury,
she's lost her job.
Kapoot.
So now we're saving $200,000 a day.
All because you didn't have core strength.
Yeah, wow.
Yeah, OK.
I think you sold me.
Yeah, we're almost sold.
Shannon, what's your perspective here?
Yeah, another addition to the core strength
is the back pain.
Now, I've looked up 80% of adults
were experienced lower back pain in their life.
Well, these boys know that.
They've both had back pain.
Well, multiple scientists have said
that Pilates is one of the most proven ways
to improve their back strength.
So I've looked up a chiropractor's appointment
is about $60.
She can save maybe a fortnightly appointment
by doing Pilates.
She's already saving $100.60 by not doing therapy.
And the chiropractor.
And the chiropractor.
Therefore saving time, because therapy's
about an hour appointment, chiropracting,
maybe half an hour or so.
So she's got 90, yeah.
We're saving time and money now.
We're girl mathing time.
That's unreal.
Beyond zero.
We're beyond zero.
We're past basically free.
You're making money.
But here's a way I think you could actually turn this
into a lucrative choice to make.
$1,220 for 50 classes.
Pilates is so trendy on Instagram at the moment.
Like it's one of the most common thing.
Wall Pilates, that's everywhere on my thing.
And the Pilates.
If you get good enough, which I think
you should for $1,200 at 50 sessions in the year,
you could start a page.
Now then that $1,200 becomes tax deductible
because that's a business expense
because you're making money off of new Pilates.
You're a fitness influencer.
You're a wellness influencer.
Yeah, you're a wellness influencer.
Yeah, you're paid just like at loose Lucy because she's loose.
I'm personally waiting for the IIT
to absolutely crack down on this wellness policy.
That's what I'm saying.
Until then, until then, make, hey, well, the sunshine's boo-boo.
But we could start a tab at loose Lucy
because she's nice and loose and bendy.
And now we'll get the followers going
because they're already invested in this journey.
They think loose Lucy sends the wrong message.
Well, she can make money that way as well,
but that's a separate page.
That's kind of a slow burner, maybe.
That makes a bit of a slow burner.
But now you're going, you're paid advertisements.
You're getting, you're getting free gear from brands
that want you to wear it on your Instagram.
Lululu, hashtag Lululemons.
Lululu, Lululu, Lululu, Lululu, Lululu, Lululu, Lululu, Lucy.
They paid a big bucks for Lululu, Lululu, Lululu, Lululu, Lucy.
Oh my God, it's unreal.
You have to do this.
Otherwise you're at risk of back injury
and losing 20% of your income.
Can I add one thing?
Are you single or are you taken?
I am taken, unfortunately.
Unfortunately?
I was trying to pick you up, so was he.
Unfortunately, so you're going to be single,
you're going to be limby, you're going to be ready to party.
And if they're like, what are you up to tonight?
And you write Pilates class,
but accidentally put an R instead of an L
and they think you're off the Pirates class?
That's hot.
That's hot.
Limba Pirate?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you have to do tonight?
I'm off the Pirates class.
I'd be like, I need to come to Pirates.
Oh my God, Lucy, you have to make this.
You have to do it.
You can afford it.
I've already got my card out.
Oh, thank you.
Check it out, get it done.
Fantastic.
Well, there we go.
It's basically, you've made money.
It's not basically free, you've made money.
That also might be our actual healthiest episode of GirlMath.
We're actually encouraging someone to look after themselves.
I think all of them have been quite healthy
because I think the woman with the Daily Ponies handbag
is also living her best life.
Well, Lucy, thank you.
Well, we were talking, we love a payday, you know?
Oh, I was just checking it was payday tomorrow,
and then Shannon made an embarrassing admission, I guess.
Last night, she's on her phone in bed.
What were you doing?
I was playing some Candy Crush.
Yeah, girl, get it.
Had all five lives, ready for a good night.
How are you?
Oh man, I love it when my lives are full.
You've never played Candy Crush?
No, neither.
You are missing out.
You are missing out, but don't start now.
All right, this is what I cannot believe,
that Shannon and you, Hailey, are still,
all these years later, playing Candy Crush,
the game of aunties.
Well, the embarrassing part about it is that
Shannon tried to- The game of scammable mums.
Get an aim out.
Would you like some Candy Crush Lives, Barrel?
Oh, oh, you know I would.
Good, look, so you tried to make a purchase, didn't you?
You tried to top up, you burned through your five lives.
Well, no, there was a sale,
and there was some striped candies on sale.
Yeah, girl, get it, get it.
What do they do?
It drives the 30 minutes, has really for a good time.
2012, Candy Crush.
What kills you in a game of Candy Crush?
The Candy Crush you?
No, you just don't finish the levels.
And that's how people end up paying, right?
Like, Hailey.
Well, like, Shannon, but what happened
when you tried to make your payment?
It declined, yeah.
It sucks, man.
That's like $1.69, and you're like, oh.
Well, I had budgeted the way,
and I knew how much I had,
and I tried to spend $10,
but the gym payment had come out,
so I only had $6 left.
I hate that.
In your budget, you budget $10 a week for Candy Crush?
Not deliberately, but I'm aware of my given.
Why would I call it in a budget
when there's room for...
Entertainment.
Contingency.
Contingency.
Yeah, there you go.
Contingency.
Well, in lockdown, I spent about 50 bucks
on one day on Smurf.
Dude, I spent so much money on Candy Crush.
What is Smurf?
Smurf's Village is that still the same thing?
My cousin got into my auntie's credit card
when he was a kid and ticked up some 1,200 bucks on there.
I love it.
Really?
Candy Crush rules.
If I need, if I can't,
don't have the brain space to listen to a podcast
or the ZDM radio,
or listen to a book,
read a book, sorry.
I'll just jump on Candy Crush.
What level are you on?
Is that a competitive question to ask?
I'm nervous,
because I don't know if it's good
that I've gone so far if I'm embarrassed.
I don't know either.
Okay, you say yours first.
We're at a standoff.
I'm at 1,324.
1,793.
Oh.
That's how many, I've done almost two,
we've done nearly 2,000 levels.
What is a level?
I'm just gonna say that Haley flipped me off.
Is it clearing all the lollies?
Yes, you can't make this.
Let me open it up.
Clear all the jelly.
Now this one is a nightmarishly hard level.
So I'll go play.
Now I'm dedicating a life here, by the way.
When you get them back.
So you go here and then you gotta clear them all.
And there's your goal.
So I gotta clear those.
Oh my God, people gonna tune in and be like,
is she just discovering Candy Crush?
No, foreigners.
And you're just clearing them.
I just think this is the dumbest,
you guys should play actual games or storylines
and character development.
No, but the whole, it's a tune out.
Spider-Man 2 comes out on the PlayStation next month.
It's gonna have Spider, it's gonna have Peter Parker,
Miles Morales, it's gonna have Venom.
Too much.
Beautiful in-depth.
I'm not doing it, I'm not joining your dumb club.
Yeah, come on, come on.
I'm not doing it.
I'm off home to play the Baldur's Gate 3,
I need to out.
I do the three screen things on the big screen
I have below deck.
The medium screen I'll have work
and the little screen I have Candy Crush.
Same dude, we're the same woman.
Do you know in 2021, I've just been kind of
trying to Google some figures
about how much Candy Crush makes.
In 2021, it reportedly had $1.21 billion in revenue.
Yeah, that's in one year.
That's me and Shannon, baby.
That is insane.
I'm not even listening, I'm not even doing my job right now.
I'm just playing level 1793.
See if I can clear these.
Absolutely, auntie.
I know.
Absolutely Candy Crush auntie.
It's not that I'm like, what are you on about?
Because when I play it on the plane, which I do,
I feel embarrassed.
Oh, I do the sheltered hands around the...
You say like, oh my God, how shame
that I'm still playing this.
But it's fun, baby.
Yeah.
We need to do a wine night of just sitting in silence
with Candy Crush.
We're not talking.
Oh my God, this weekend, that's what I'm doing.
Does it make a noise when you spend money?
No, you can put it on silence with no one else.
Because if you were at wine night
and all of a sudden you hear someone spending money.
Well, you're not the only one,
because a lot of people are texting in
saying that they're Candy Crushers.
I know.
I'm level 7,521.
Jealous.
Someone on the text machine has said 11,000.
11,279.
And what was your level?
1,793.
I've been playing for years, but I take breaks.
Oh, you're right, OK.
I take breaks when I lose interest.
Someone said, Vaughn, do not start.
Walk away, I nearly failed my dissertation
for my master's playing Candy Crush.
Yes, but you're an academic.
I'm a dum-dum.
Yeah, you are a dum-dum.
I get to do dum-dum stuff.
I don't need to concentrate on things.
But also, I'm not playing Candy Crush.
Play Zudem's Fletch Vaughn and Haley.
Oh!
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Yeah.
Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
Are we all...
OK, yep.
We're always below you.
Ah!
R-A-P.
R-A-P.
R-A-P.
Big rip to that one.
Today's work is we continue Honey Badger Week.
I told you it's going to take a dark turn.
And for that dark turn, I would like to turn to Page 176 of the 1941 volume of Fauna of
British India.
OK.
Going back a long time.
Just Fauna.
Not Flora.
Flora.
Not Flora.
It is Page 176 where I will read you about Malavora Indica, the Indian rattle.
Now we've talked about this.
The Honey Badger is also known as the rattle.
Yeah.
Believed to be drawn both from a Dutch name for honey and also the noise it makes.
Yes.
When it's...
Well, throughout its life.
When it's happy.
When it's angry.
It makes a rattly noise.
It goes on to say it has a tale without hair about one-fifth to one-sixth the length of
the head and body.
Four claws very large.
We know about this.
We know about this.
We know what it looks like now.
We've got good gold.
Next page.
177.
Now this is a digital scan of the original print.
So it's in that real weird oldie time font that's quite hard to read sometimes.
It goes on to say about the dimensions, habits.
Like most of the subfamily, the Indian rattle is exclusively nocturnal.
Not true.
Okay.
They didn't have Honey Badge Effect of the Week.
They didn't have Honey Badge Effect of the Week.
Honey Badges are out there doing their thing all matter of times.
Throughout India, this animal has a reputation of digging into graves of men in order to
feed upon the dead bodies.
Honey Badge, no!
Honey Badge, what are you doing?
You're reading my gram day.
We're doing these accents because it would have been very inappropriate for us the Indian
ones.
Yeah, well.
Fletch one or two and I totally wasn't allowed.
I did not.
He did.
He'll do it for you if you call up I-100-Dolls-N-M.
He'll do it for you.
We can also ask for his Persian rug merchant.
Right, his rug merchant.
That's a really good, that's great character work.
It's so nominal star.
Several of the native names for the Indian Rattle mean Grave Digger, really.
And also it is the same belief in Persia with regard to the Badger and all probability
equally without at least foundation that it is true of the Rattle to eat dead bodies.
That's manky, that's a manky Badger.
Yeah that's a manky Badger.
Naughty Badger.
Tablai Kordemvala.
Kordem.
Which is Grave Digger.
Okay.
Okay I translated it.
So today's factor, it's taken a dark twist.
Really did, didn't it?
But you thought this rascal was going to be with Badger.
No, not a honey Badger.
No, no, no.
Who's a naughty honey Badger?
Also they wouldn't do it these days because of the formaldehyde and such.
Yeah, it would have been good for the honey Badger.
But the honey Badger would just probably like eat it and be like that's not good.
I don't feel good and then just have a nap and wake up and be like whoa I won't do that again.
I'm a honey Badger.
I'm going to do it again.
I'm numb, numb.
So today's factor today in a dark turn, honey Badgers in India were known to dig down into
fresh graves and eat recent human remains.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Play ZM's Fletch Vaughan Naly.
A wild story out of New York City.
There was a girly who caused herself a fashion girly.
She had a hook up.
She passed it going the street, some eyes on and we see each other.
Well, I've got to see you again as hookups go and eventually after a number of.
So this is an old fashioned hookup, not an app.
Yeah, this is not.
Okay.
Well, she did.
He's on the apps, but they saw each other on the street first and then found each other on the
apps.
All right.
Okay.
Started with eyes across the street.
Yeah.
God, those are the days.
Are you just sort of looking around your lap?
What happened to me?
Fat little faggot.
Never caught eyes with you.
You should have seen what I was wearing.
I was a weird, weirdo.
Now still am.
Bit hard to eye you up through those thick coke bottle glasses.
How you look at me?
May I please have sex with you?
Would you like to know where I'm up to in my Pokemon blue journey?
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Street really soft.
Are you familiar with Japanese anime cowboy bebop?
Oh, it's gone inside me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can see why.
You can see why.
Anyway.
You remind me of Bulma from Dragon Ball Z.
I'm going out of puberty.
I'm reverting back to pre puberty.
That was my special power.
That was my special power to be absolutely repulsive.
Anyway, this woman, Lex, she shared this on TikTok
that she had hooked up with him and he'd come home
and he was a fashion guy.
She was a fashion girl living in New York City.
Yeah.
She's called him the Tabby Swiper.
Now the Tabbies, if you think about the classic Mary Janes,
the Tabbies were the polarizing shoes that looked like horse feet
with the big split in the middle where your toe goes, right?
But they were like high fashion.
Were they like a thousand bucks or something?
A thousand dollars.
A thousand American dollars.
OK.
So very, very expensive.
Now he went over to her house for this hookup
and he notices them because he's a fashion dude.
He's like, oh my God, you got the Tabbies.
And she's like, yeah, man, I'm a fashion girl.
And they're like, oh my God, great.
They have a hookup.
He stays the night.
Yeah.
Everything that ensues ensues.
The next morning he makes this kind of like fumbling thing.
He's like, I want to show you a playlist,
but I don't have it on my phone.
Can I use your phone?
And did this thing.
And he was like trying to like buy time.
And he was like, oh, can you log in?
And she was like, yeah.
And he like went away for a bit.
Yeah.
And then came back and she listened to music.
And then he was like, right, well, I've got to go.
Yeah.
And she was like, cool.
Later she's sitting on the couch
and she looks over towards her wardrobe.
The shoes are gone.
Why stole the shoes?
This dude stole the shoes.
Thousand dollar shoes.
Well, yeah, they'll be like 1600 bucks in New Zealand.
Yeah.
Stole them.
Totally gone.
She was like, what the hell?
And she's like, I don't want to be accusatory.
So she like tore apartment apart.
But she was like, I know I literally just
showed them to him last night.
Then she goes on his profile and like is messaging him
and whatnot.
And then finds him on Instagram.
Finds, he's got a girlfriend.
She's wearing the Tabby's.
What?
What was the part on the phone for?
I don't know.
I think to get them.
Buying time.
Yeah.
So she was distracted so he could grab the shoes.
And then leave.
And then gives him to his girlfriend.
Plot to us.
He has a girlfriend.
Plot to us.
Girlfriend.
And then does she hit them up?
Or just, is that where the story is?
Yeah.
She hit him up.
And then he rung and was like, don't be crazy.
I didn't steal your shoes.
The gas lights her for a little bit.
Yeah.
Okay.
He's like, this out of my character, totally bizarre.
Yeah.
And then.
Out of my character.
Oh, by the way, I've also got a girlfriend.
Yeah.
Totally.
Not the most trusted with the guy at the stage.
Yeah.
And then sees them on his girlfriend.
Anyway.
But this happened to you as well.
Well, I hooked up with a guy once
when I was living by myself.
And it was fine.
It was absolutely fine.
No regrets.
Except he stole my iPod.
I have one of those 120 gig silver iPods
that had the sickest playlist on it ever.
He nicked it.
Spinny wheel?
Spinny wheel.
Spinny wheel would be great.
You can bring your finger over.
Yeah.
So I was robbed after all that as well.
We want to know did a hook up steal from you?
Maybe they took a memento.
A little something.
Doesn't have to be big or expensive or anything.
But yeah, they took a little.
Maybe they took some socks, or something,
because they didn't have socks.
My innocence.
Yeah, they made it. We won't have it made away with my innocence this year.
So, 0800 dials at M. Give us a call now. Text her as well. 9 6 9 6.
What did a hookup steal from you?
Are we taking calls from people that also took something?
Hey, if you took something, we'll listen. No judgement.
NZ Cup and Show Week in Christchurch is back today racing
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Right now though. Oh my God, the stories we're getting in of
what did a hookup steal from you? Or did you steal as a hookup?
They're crazy stories. There was a girl in New York City
who got her designer shoes stolen by a fashion date.
Now, B, good morning. Morning.
I would be so upset if somebody stole my massage gun.
Oh, I wasn't upset about my brand new Samsung Evo.
Wait, so what happened? I was seeing this guy for around
three months. Like, we would go to breakfast together.
He'll come to my work and see me on my breaks.
One night, he went out with his boys and he messaged me that he,
you know, I had enough and he wanted to come over.
So he came over and he admitted that he was falling in love with me.
Oh, okay. And he was too wasted that we did just go to sleep.
And then I woke up and he was gone along with my goodies.
Oh my God, it's your massage gun and your AirPods.
Yeah, and then I decided to, oh, let's try drive past this guy's
house and connect. But sadly, I couldn't.
Oh, so you just let it, you wrote it off.
Yeah, I did. You could record yourself being like,
give me my effing ear buds back and then like connect to them.
But no, I didn't want to go further.
You know, people would do that. It's not worth any effort.
Oh, it's worth a massage gun and your AirPods.
I would. I'd make it like hell. Yeah.
Yeah, that's so expensive. Yeah.
You just can't trust me.
Thanks, babe.
We want to know now what someone has stolen after a hookup.
Yeah, there was a girl who went on a date,
got her a thousand dollar shoe stolen, which,
and then he gave it to his girlfriend.
So why would stories coming in anonymous joins us anonymous?
What was stolen?
Well, I was at uni and I was living with three boys and we were very poor.
Very, very poor at the time. We lived on sausages and months.
And one day we decided to spoil ourselves with bacon and cheese.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, bacon and cheese,
or bacon and a block of cheese.
And a block of cheese.
Oh, my God. That's the good life thing.
Is there somebody different to their cost-related costs?
Yeah, definitely needed a student loan for that.
And yeah, hooked up with a guy and next morning,
the boys went to the fridge and couldn't get over
to how somebody could steal bacon and cheese.
Yeah, I nearly got kicked out of the flat.
Wait, so you brought a hookup home and he took your bacon and cheese?
Was it streaky bacon or shoulder?
Shoulder, definitely.
No, you always go shoulder when you're a poor student.
Yeah, I always did shoulder.
It's the worst bacon, though, isn't it?
Hard to get right, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
It really is.
Thank you much more of a pulled pork piece.
Yeah, Brie, this was a friend?
Good morning, yes.
This was a friend in early days of hookups.
We're talking year 10, kind of, you know, you're fresh into it,
sort of, new to the field.
And, you know, a friend was, sort of,
started dating this guy.
It was pretty low-key and very quickly he came in, like, quite hot.
Like, it was too much too soon.
He was a little bit, sort of, yeah, it was a bit too keen on her.
Desperado.
Yeah, Desperado.
She just came to, sort of, cut him early doors,
but kind of continued to hook up with him every now and again.
And some weird stuff started to happen.
Like, she'd come to school and she was missing,
she had quite curly hair.
She'd come to school after staying the night in his house
and had, like, a huge lock of hair missing.
And, like...
Oh, he's still here.
Yeah, and he'd, like, lose a sock,
or, like, her hairbrush went missing.
And then one day, like, a nail was chopped,
and she had quite long nails.
What?!
It was just really odd, like, and all these things,
yeah, all these things happened.
Like, when she was around him, or, like,
the night, or, you know, something like that.
So she cut him pretty quick.
It didn't really last much more than six months.
And, you know, in high school,
the pool was small, right?
And so a couple of years later,
another friend started dating this guy.
He sort of ironed himself out.
Yeah, of course.
It became a little bit more normal.
And she, this friend was missing something.
She had a quick peruse around and found a box.
And now, I don't know what she was thinking.
She opened the box,
so there's a dangerous thing to do anyway.
Yeah.
But she found a shrine, like, a full shrine
to our other friends.
Oh, my God.
From back in the day, including the lock of hair.
Oh, that's great!
Just a fingernail, like, a pair of undies.
Like, honestly, like...
This is what serial killers do.
You know, on those, like, all those crime shows,
they take something from each victim?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did we call them out?
Yeah, well, yeah, because they had a photo in there.
They had a school photo in there, like, an ID.
Like, this was, like, I don't know, it was so weird.
Oh, my God.
I don't like it.
No names or identifying features,
but is this guy normal now, or is he in prison?
No, he's so normal now.
He's a software developer.
I don't know if that's true.
Oh, no.
They're so weird.
They're serial killers.
They're screaming.
I'm free.
Oh, my God.
Okay, thank you for freaking us the hell out.
A lock of hair?
Some messages in.
I hooked up with a hot guy in Rara Tonga.
He took me to the airport as I was leaving,
and he said just as I was about to get on the plane,
he wanted to get a photo with me on my iPhone,
so I passed him on my iPhone and ran away with it.
Oh, my God.
Just ran straight on.
And I was like, I've got to get on the flight.
I can't chase this guy still on my iPhone.
We're going to have to tell Ross Boss about that.
He's going to Rara Tonga soon.
Yeah, don't ever hook up for that.
Plot twist, we went back six months later,
and my auntie ambushed him
and blew him up for stealing my phone.
He was in shock.
I didn't expect to see us again.
He didn't get the phone back,
but it was worth seeing his face.
Yeah, that's funny.
OK.
Hmm.
Someone said, keep me anonymous.
No problem.
I didn't steal, but woke up after a hook up,
no one in sight.
I was like, oh.
Oh.
You want some morning, you want some morning cuts?
Yeah, they've ganked it.
However, their clothes were left behind.
So I was like, oh, they've taken somebody else's clothes.
But myself and the flatmates, no clothes missing.
OK.
So I'd love to know if there were any Uber drivers out there
in Auckland who picked up an absolute nudie
on early Sunday morning.
Because they were left with none of their clothes.
What?
What a mystery.
Where did they go?
That could be one of those Netflix unsolved mystery episodes.
Where did he go?
Camera footage, you know,
security camera footage of him leaving their house.
Noody, noody.
Oh my God.
Yeah, lots of people.
Oh my God, I had a hook up one night
and when I woke up in the morning,
the diamond was missing out of my ring.
It was on the bedside table.
It was there, the gold frame, but no diamond.
He said I must have lost it the night before,
but no way I looked at it when I put it down.
Just pluck.
How do you even get that out though?
You can get them out.
You can just tweeze it out.
He asked if he could borrow my Jansport backpack
just to carry some stuff.
I said, yeah, sure.
And he's like, I'll bring it back and never put it back.
Very inconvenient to be without a backpack.
Yeah.
Very inconvenient.
Could be hidden out there, don't you?
So many me-
Hook up up.
Hook up still the money off our bench.
Oh yeah.
We went out the night before.
It was there because we popped money
when we got home.
It was missing the next morning.
So yeah, on the way out of the house,
he just grabbed a plate full of money.
There's a word that just said,
I once had a guy steal my pimple cream
after staying the night.
That's a bugger.
Good.
Oh, another podcast in the bag.
The plastic bag.
Are they back?
No, no, still banned.
Okay.
They never left.
No, sorry.
That's where you come in with the line for.
Boy, man, if you enjoyed that.
Okay.
Oh, and if you enjoyed it,
give us a writing and a review
and be sure to tell all of your friends.
God, I need some sleep.
Yeah.
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