ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 5th October 2023

The ZM podcast network. The Fleshhorn and Haley big pod. Treat yourself to

McCafe coffee with my Maccas rewards. Good morning welcome to the show Fleshhorn

and Haley happy Thursday. Happy Thursday. In the studio is a giant like

that's something you see at like an outdoor concert or a building

construction site. What do you call that Vaughn? Oh I don't know. No it's got a power adapter thing.

What's the name for it? The girlies had to go to a higher place yesterday. It's way

bigger than I thought it was going to be. It's called a Jackson 16. A Jackson 16.

So you plugged that into because I saw you guys sent a video of it plugged in. Do you plug that

into like a bigger amperage or something? Yeah. Caravan plugs. Those big like caravan.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well this is going to enable us to all plug our kettles in

today for the rematch that we have all been waiting for. Yeah. After Haley came into

work one day and said I've got a really fast kettle. I should do have a really fast kettle.

Okay well today we're one but that's because the rest of our wall sockets blew.

Yeah so today there will be no blowing of the wall sockets. Okay. And the rematch is on. We're

going to do this after eight o'clock this morning the great Kiwi kettle off. And actually Briscoe's

heard about this as well and have jumped on board with some vouchers for you to win. How good.

$500 vouchers. I know. So you've just got a text. If you want to be into win one of these vouchers

you've got a text in Kettle. Leave a space and then the name of the person who's kettle you think

will win. So for example Kettle slash. We should have just gone for the first name letter. Oh yeah.

Because no there's eight ways to spell Haley. There's 10,000 ways to spell. They'll all come in.

They'll all come in. They'll all come in. What I would say is you'll be rewarded for spelling

correctly. Yeah absolutely. Well just text Kettle. Leave a space and then the name of the person

who's kettle you think will win. Send that to 9696. And if your person's kettle wins we're going to

do a draw for the $500 voucher. I think we've got three vouchers to give away. Very exciting.

Very exciting. So that's happening after eight o'clock this morning. Go to Breville.

Go to Sproul. Breville Sproul. The top six on the way. Yep. The what is it? Oh yeah that's right.

I wrote it last night. Yeah I know I wrote it last night but Jesus that was like 12 hours ago.

How am I supposed to remember? Last night was 12 hours ago. How am I supposed to remember what

happened 12 hours ago? I don't know. I gotta worry about you sometimes. And I'm not even drinking

this week. I was going to say are you drinking this week? No. Okay. Same.

You went to drama school and you couldn't even lie for one sentence. One word. Same. I didn't

have a drink on Tuesday but yesterday the sun was shining. Oh I know it was gorgeous weather

that's why I made it so hard. I had to keep myself busy all afternoon to keep away from the

devil's beverage. Top six ways to still get a Christmas parade in Levin. Levin have cancelled

their Christmas parade. I'm here. I'm just I've just read how many prisons the UK has and I thought

it would have been more. England and Wales currently have 87,800 inmates. Oh how many do we have?

That's what I'm googling highest percentage. America. America. Over the space of that Taylor

Swiss song but he was reading the article. He was listening and he was bopping. Of

population in prison. The reason we talk about these statistics there is our wild news story

out of the UK. Yeah that they are full. The prisons are full and so they are going to be

renting foreign cells and sending prisoners overseas. Oh no. How? To places like Belgium,

Norway and sorry to the Netherlands because Belgium and Norway have done this previously.

They're like we don't want to build more prisons. Because you would think places like that would

be a bit more human rights focused but I just watched it. There's a new series on Netflix.

What's it called? You know it's one of those kind of like toughest prisons and it's a guy

who was wrongfully convicted and he goes and does a stay a week stay at all these prisons

around the world. Or he goes back. I know but he did one in Norway and it was tough like really

tough. I thought Norway was where they let you just work on a farm. I know. I think to a certain

point. Right to a certain point. To a certain point. Yeah murderers and your bad guys. They're

on a light tax evasion. I see I think that's your think of your bit of farm. That's your resorts.

Okay yeah. That's your ski resorts in Norway. Okay but you gotta clear the ice off the stuff.

Right. Put people on the quad. You'd rather go to Norway than like Vietnam or like Thailand

where the prisons are just horrendous and over super overcrowded. So have they said

where you see what they'll send them to the Netherlands. The Netherlands. The UK one.

Yeah when they see it overseas I was immediately my mind is tropical. Tropical.

Well you know Portugal's legalized all drugs. Yeah they have decriminalized. Which is automatically

made of a health issue not a criminal issue. Right. Which is sort of like everybody's like

that seems to be the future. How's that? Have they done a follow up on that? Is that working?

Is that too high on heroin to do in a follow up? Because they just let us do this ago.

Yeah man that was great. I wonder if next time will be as good. Probably not but maybe the

third time will be as good. It's not it's getting worse. Maybe I'll do it a fourth time it'll be

better. So do they get to pick the prisoners and they like I'd like to go to Spain like the Love

Island prison? No. It's only the Netherlands. I would not have picked Netherlands as a country that

would have excess prisons. I wonder maybe they'd have excess prisons but they wouldn't be

profiting off or be set up to have companies that profit off the imprisonment.

They seem like they care about their people too much. Yeah well maybe that's why the prisons

have got the spare space because they do care about their people too much. They don't put

people in prison for stupid things like having a bloody tinny in their pocket. Well yeah I mean

drugs in sex in certain areas the selling of sex. Yeah yeah completely legalized. Yeah.

So yeah. I'd want to go to like Paris. No but there's bed bugs everywhere. I know. Because

the rugby world camps on at the moment apparently there's this bed bug epidemic in Paris. My parents

literally just arrived about an hour ago back into the country from being in Europe five months.

Paris was their last stop and they got they got bitten. Not super super bad. Wait are they coming

to stay at your house because you want to fumigate their suitcases. Oh I don't even want to see them.

Oh go back to Wellington. No I am going to see them but no they're not stay at my house. I don't

have it. Right. I don't have a beach. I don't have anywhere for them to go. I don't even have a toilet.

Hashtag girlhood. This is a thing. This is a thing on TikTok. Do I not know this because I'm no

longer a girl. I'm a woman. Oh don't pull a sad face at me can't we. That wasn't really sad face.

It was. Yeah. I'm 34 in a couple of days. That's still young. Pause for confirmation.

Comparatively to David Attenborough. Yes. Thank you. In fact that's what I'm going to

make a birthday card for you with David Attenborough on the front. Be like at least you know.

Young enough to be my granddaughter. Yeah. I'm just a little baby. So that's going everywhere.

Hashtag girlhood. And one that took my fancy that I'd like to share. What are people doing for

girlhood. Cross to the girls. Not the woman in this room. The girlies. What is hashtag girlhood.

Is this different to like hashtag girl dinner and hashtag girl math. Yeah like do you remember

on Facebook there used to be just girly things. Yeah. It's kind of like the modern version of that.

So it's like the kind of there's a TikTok sound and she goes oh I love being a woman. It's kind

of like things like that. Right. You do little silly girly things and you're like oh just girly

things like yeah. Okay well this one is really silly and girly. This is the caption is I feel

so safe and like a mermaid. And what she does is she takes her favorite towel which is like this

tie dyed thing. And she said there's something so hashtag girlhood and therapeutic about using

your towel like a little blanket in the bathtub. And she takes it into the bath. What. Wrapping her

legs in this towel and it's all heavy and she like picks it up and like flops it back down.

That would be disgusting. I feel suffocated by this. Well so to go really cold eh. Well you've

got to have the water deep enough I guess so it's totally entrenched in it. Did you have a water

board yourself with the face cloth? Yes. When you're a kid in the bath you put on your face.

You just like suck it out and suck it out the water. Then pour water over your head and you

didn't even know what you were doing but you were breaking the bloody Geneva convention.

Yeah. Accidentally of course. Or you put soap in it and put it over your mouth and go

in bubbles. The bubbles would come out. I don't know where bin Laden is.

Okay I'll tell. Yeah well apparently this feels really nice. Who was the 90s version of bin Laden?

Saddam Hussein. Saddam Hussein. Saddam Hussein. I think he was sort of around the same time. No

no no because the first Gulf War was the early 90s kicked off in 1990 and Saddam Hussein was the

bad guy of that. Yeah. But then they had no proof really did they? It's because I'm you know

so significantly younger than you guys. Yeah. Because I'm such a young, fresh girl. Bin Laden

was your first international terrorist. Yeah he was my first person I really really knew about

in terms of because in the 90s I was just a little girl. We had Slobodan Milosevic. Now that was a

fun name to say. Slobodan Milosevic. He was a terrible man. He was a terrible terrible man.

He was always on the news. They always said he was. Slobodan Milosevic and it was a fun name

to say but again, terrible man. So we would put it over our face and be like the don't know what

Slobodan is. What about yourself? The don't know. The don't know. The information on Slobodan Milosevic.

Play Zidem's Fletchvorn and Ailey from the Panoramic ZM think tank. This is the top six.

Well they won't be livin' Lovita Loka this Christmas. He's been waiting for that. I had.

I thought about it earlier and I'm just getting sad on it like a chicken on an egg. Yeah this is

big news in Levin. Yeah. 80 days away from Christmas too. I love Levin. What a playground.

No I've never seen the playground. Oh my god it's unreal. Levin's playground is like one of the

best things. It's not better than the mangrove mahi playground. It's all done. Did you hear

Joy Cowley's getting a playground? What? Joy Cowley. Not to be outdone. Not to be outdone by

arch-rival mahi. She's like all from the grave. All right. Grave he says. I don't know if she's

dead. I think Joy Cowley's passed. No. Wait. You're thinking of someone. Is 87 years old.

She's 87 years old. Yeah she's not. She's still around. Oh bless. Sorry Joy. Sorry Joy. I think I

got confused with your arch nemesis mahi who we lost. Oh the Levin playground. It's old though

so it's not like you know the Margaret's fancy. Yeah. This is old and the Levin one's got those

mouse wheels. The wooden. Oh yeah. Full of grown woman who ruined herself on one of those.

Yeah beautiful. Probably ruined herself. Well as wonderful as Levin and its playground is.

There's no Christmas parade but there will be Christmas in the park at the Levin Adventure

Park which I'm imagining that sounds like the home of the playground. Perhaps. Yeah because

it's flying foxes and stuff. Oh my god it's so good. So there's not going to be a Christmas parade

in Levin. I've marched in that parade numerous times. Oh because that was kind of the home

of marching. Levin was very humming for marching. Who knew. Who knew. Just a small trip over the hill

and there you were. Yeah. Well look at the top six ways to still have a Christmas parade in Levin.

Number six on the list. I just put up a stop sign until there's enough traffic then release them one

at a time at 20 kilometers an hour speed limit and shoot tinsel on them as they pass. That's

technically a parade. It's a parade. Yeah. Very Christmassy. Very cool. Number five on the list

of the top six ways for Levin to still have a Christmas parade. Tell kids there's a Peter Pan

musical and then when they all come dressed to play the part of Peter Pan chase them down in the

street to the sound of jingly bells and then you've got some cheeky elves. Yes. Doing a parade. Good

idea. Crying and screaming. Yeah but it looks like they're laughing and crying with joy. Yeah.

Could be from a distance. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six ways for Levin to

still have a Christmas parade. Drive slowly down the main street throwing cheap lollies at children

who will immediately be filled with Christmas joy and gravel that stuck to the lollies because

you're doing this on your budget so you shouldn't pay for wrapped ones. Just individually go.

Yeah. Just gummies. Yeah. They'll have to pick the pick the stones out but it'll still be very

Christmassy. Number three on the list of the top six ways for Levin to still have a Christmas parade.

Head up the local costume shop and get some slightly off brand well-known characters like

Ricky Rouse, Monal Mark, Fugs Funny and Ploffy Pluff. And just go. Love Ploffy Pluff. Yeah.

Fugs Funny is. Fugs Funny is. Fugs Funny is. It's actually my favorite. Yeah. For Halloween.

Is he a rabbit? Is he a hare? Is he a gerbil? Is he just like a rodent? No, but it's certainly

enough to skirt copyright. Sure is. Good luck with that one. Time Warner who's owned by

Discovery. I don't know who's got all that. Yeah. It's not Disney. Isn't it? No, no, no. Arch

Nemesis. All right. Okay. Number two on the list of the top six ways for Levin to still have a

Christmas parade. Pop down to the asbestos removal company and get some of their delicious

asbestos. They'll give that to you for next to nothing. Then go to Hyapul and get a chipper.

Drive down the main street, chuck in the asbestos, into the chipper on the back of your

Wala Wunderland snow won't melt. Is it? Because that's a true fact about

Wizard of Oz is that they use asbestos for the snow because they couldn't they didn't want it to

melt and they couldn't get enough that like floated and looked fluffy. They also used lead paint for

the which Wicked Witch of the West. Different times. And she got ill from it. And the and the not

gremlins. What are they? Little. I was a little bit of a munchkin. Munchkins. Munchkins. Thank you.

We represent the Lollipop. That was terrifying as a child. So scary. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want a lollipop.

And number one on the list of the top six ways for Levin to still have a Christmas parade. You

know the old fat fella that votes Labour and always wears Labour's color with the beard.

Huge Labour guy. Huge Labour guys. Always hanging around the mall on Christmas.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, he always he's on his mobility scooter down to the RSA for a couple of morning

beers. Well, pull on out of the SPCA, get some stray dogs, put some sticks on their head and then

tie their leads to the front of a scooter. So when he comes out of his house to go down to the RSA

once Saturday morning or Sunday morning for a couple of morning beers, the dogs are also

an assist. And you've got yourself, you know, you got to stand to the right there, don't you?

I think Levin will be very happy with those. The great suggestions. Feel free to use them.

Absolutely. Like I won't even charge for those ideas because I just can't bear the

thought of children missing out on a Santa parade. Of course. That is today's top six.

When I was growing up and becoming a woman, I was always told that when you dress, you're either

going legs out or boobs out. Okay. Never the two. Then you're a little bit trashy. This is what I

was just told. Is this from your mother? No, no, no, not from my mother. She was always out.

Pets. Oh yeah. She's selling houses. Yeah, I know. Those tits sold some houses. Yeah, I bet they didn't.

No, the legs. The legs moved some units. The legs shuffled quite the villa.

Those are Les Mills pump classes all those years. Absolutely worth it. Absolutely. Popping

some houses. I know. But that was always the thing was like when you're getting dressed up to go

somewhere and you want to look a bit sexy, you're either going to go a little mini skirt

and top covered or maybe a pant or like a longer skirt and then you can have your cleavage.

Right. I don't think there's any rules around this. But now this is what this is reminding me of

because there's a little bit of a fashion trend going around online called cleavage with cleavage.

Which is exactly what it sounds like. Yeah. So cleavage with cleavage. If you're going to,

if like people are loving the cleavage with cleavage. So if you've got your cleavage out,

you maybe wouldn't have a little strappy top or a singlet top. You go sleeves.

Right. So you could go boobs out, cutting it on or like a low cut top with sleeves and they're

calling it cleavage with cleavage. And then people are loving this, especially the cube gals.

They love all the cleavage. What about the circum. What about the circum boob?

What's the circum boob? That's where you can see both under boob, side boob and cleavage and the

bikini that's covering is basically just that nipple skirt. Yeah. Nipple skirt. Do you know when

they were a real thing, those bikinis, you could bunch up and people would like bunch them just to

the edge of the areola. Yeah. I used to wear those until I had a ski biscuit incident. Well,

you wouldn't need much fabric to cover you. I would need like maybe some fishing nylon.

Yeah. Cover mine. So here's a couple of photos cleavage or sleevage. So she's still like,

looking sexy, but she's covered up on the sleeves. Oh, right. She's just basically

busting out of a cardigan. Yeah. A really tight cardigan. That's actually what's happening here

is bust out of a tight cardigan. That's giving me sexy librarian vibes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

You've seen some documentaries on those, haven't you? Have, yeah. Yeah. I've seen a couple of

docos on that website. Never really filmed in an actual library. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then

she always, she was like, what book do you want? And you're like, I want that one. She puts her

hand in and gets stuck. She gets stuck. And it's always on the bottom shelf. So she has to crawl

about for it. Yeah. Yeah. In-depth documentaries, those. Oh, incredible. Sometimes I don't have

the time for the full documentary. I'll watch sort of a 12 to 15 minute sort of like documentary

recap. Do you know what's going on? And I just kind of flicked through the doco to the parts with

the peaks. The peaks. That seems to be the most interesting. The good stuff is compactives.

I like mine narrated by David Attenborough. Your documentaries? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Good, good, good.

Yeah. The librarian seems to be stuck. I don't generally hear what's on mine. I've got the

volume very, very low. Oh, right. Yeah. Very, very low. And I actually. I wish they would put

subtitles on it. Yeah. Because sometimes they're speaking very heavy Russian accents,

and I cannot understand what is happening. All right.

Do you stand to wipe as today's silly little poll? 76% of people, three quarters said no.

Are you feeling like, because we've both admitted this yesterday when we came up with this idea for

silly little poll, that we are stand to wipers. And that's just how it's been my entire life.

It's still a bend in the knee, right? Yeah, bend in the knee. Yeah, yeah. Upright.

So how would you wipe if you were upright, but close tight? Well, I think there's a

it's a squat. Well, we just never talk about your spare hand to pull you pull your cheek apart.

So you can only get in it. Jeez, Louise. Really? Yeah, you know, when you got this kind of dumper.

Yeah, and I got to pull it apart. If I had a bidet, we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

I would use the bidet when I've been in like overseas. Yeah. And I like place it has one.

And I'm like, it's so weird. What about the squirty hoses in Southeast Asia? You know,

I never use them because they're weird. They're like a hose hand.

You don't shove it up your ass. You just shove it near the nozzle into the into the.

No, that's I am. That's a douche. Yeah, you can know if you need to clean out.

I just check the pressure before you do. Oh, yeah.

Fire hose pressure, rip yourself open. All right. Take yourself to pieces.

Some feedback. Courtney says, absolutely. I don't want my hand going anywhere near the

bowl. Like, I know it's not going to touch it, but what if it did?

Well, you wash your hands. Wait, but you're still putting your hand right in your ass. Yeah.

What happens when you're in America, you know, how they have the really high water level and

everything floats. There's no room for error in America to sit and wipe, to sit and wipe.

Well, you might touch the water. Yeah. Yeah. Or while sitting on top of the water.

Is that that's right? Like you remember you've been to America a few times.

My in-laws have an American toilet. Oh, come on. So the water is really high?

The water is always really high. No, I can't deal with American toilets.

And apparently it works better on a septic system. So, so they say, but that's because

they've got one. So, you know, when somebody gets on board with something. You've got to justify

that. Yeah. Yeah. But it's weird the first time you, they put it in and I was like,

this is an American toilet. Yeah. Yes. Weird. Weird.

George says, as a health professional, you should always look at your pose and what's on

the T.P. to see if there's anything suspicious. Oh, okay. Yeah. George is going to do more

any day without blood in your stool is a good day in my book. That's why Vaughn has a printout,

a color printout of the Bristol Steel Chart above his toilet. Always. Always.

Check it for consistency. And also beside the Bristol Steel Chart, a resin color chart, and I

hold my wipe against it. Yep. To make sure it's not getting too close to a red shade. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Do you want that? Corb says, it's more like a half squat. It's not a full stand.

I'll agree with you then. It's more like a half squat. It is more like a squat. And you know what?

That's why we have great quads as well. Yeah. Because you're doing a wall set basically.

Of squatting to wipe. Yeah. Jody says, no, but I do get a hell of a lean on. So do you think she

just leans forward? Maybe. So she doesn't stand. She's saying, I'm not standing, but I'm doing

the full lean forward. Right. Open her right up. Really. Really give her a good angle for a

tackle. Open her right up. Shay says, I've got a fat damper in short arms. I've got a stand.

It's my only combo. Yeah. I mean, good. Do we have short hat arms? Is that why? No.

You've got a good wing span. Both have quite a good wing span.

Enough to get around there. Fat damper in short arms. Maybe some of the internet

that have paid good money for that. Keywords. Keywords. Gemma. How about WTF? How can you

when your butt cheeks close? My partner stands and the skids in his boxes are insane. You've got

a skid mark since I was a child. You don't get skids. You're still wiping.

Come on. I think he might be having a little greasy fart, to be honest. If he's got a skid

mark. Sounds like trady. Sounds like trady farts. What? You took a pie of V? Yeah. Pie of V farts.

Yeah. Catherine says, is this an actual thing? I stumbled in on my nine year old son standing

for a wipe and wondered if his brain was broken. Yeah. Maybe there's more of a man thing. I don't

know. Because how old were you when you realized that not everybody does like stands up? Was it

like, it would have been like in your 20s, right? Like when my wife walked in and was like,

what are you doing? I was like, I'm wiping my ass woman. I need some privacy. So why are you standing?

Late 30s, early 40s. Wow. Yeah. Devon, now this I'm imagining is more of a question for a woman

post we wipe. Okay. Um, who stands? Surely you would have wheeze dribble down your leg.

Psychopaths would stand to wipe. I wouldn't stand to wipe my wheeze. I wouldn't imagine.

Well, you're already standing. No, but if I was a sitter. All right. If I was a woman.

If I were a girl. I'd probably just go for a pat if I were a girl. Yeah, I dab. On the way down.

You don't know why smear. Yeah, you got a real risk. Just a pat. Pat to dry.

Need much more dry. There you go. That's the little poem.

Right. Condo nasty. Um, condo nasty. Yeah, whatever. The traveling magazine travels. Yeah,

they do travels. They've released a big article on like the best countries, the friendliest

countries, the best international airlines, the world's best resorts. We've got one on those.

Oh, yeah. Are you aware of the, um, Farakahu country estate at Ocean Beach near Wellington?

No, I just know that. Very posh. Let me spin this around so you can see how posh it appears.

Oh, that's posh. That looks posh. I imagine there'd be some weddings there.

Oh, there'd be some weddings. Oh, there'd be some weddings there for sure. Should we do the helicopter?

Should we do the helicopter? Man, I know yours. I mean, transmission gullies open now, but my god.

That does look posh. That does look posh.

It stands on flickering, flickering up the bottom of the core. Not on the top.

It's actually flickering wickedly. That looks very... Oh, yeah, okay, okay, with your farm to table.

But I need a bigger portion. Is it? Is it? It's so flash, it's tiny portions.

Yeah, tiny and flash. Yeah, point. Point doesn't like anywhere

with portions smaller than a... I know. Yeah.

Fine dining. Not for me. Not for me either. Yeah, unless it's like a 10-course.

I like bougie dining, but it's got to be... There's got to be a bit of substance.

Yeah. Yeah. Top countries in the world, we came fifth.

Oh, yay. Who's above us? Because then we'll cast jokes.

Ireland, Greece, Italy, and Japan. Greece!

International Airlines. Air New Zealand came seventh. Oh, yeah, nice.

Top international cities. Not even worth mentioning.

No, we don't even appear in that one. Oh, dear.

But one we did appear on is the friendliest countries. Are we still friendly?

You know, I feel like maybe the last few years, we've got a bit grumpy.

I think we've become a less friendly. Yeah, it seems like that entrenchment on either side is

making us maybe seem a little less friendly. But when we see a tourist and we're like,

it's been wet. Yeah, what do you want to support our economy? Get out.

95.16 we scored on a friendliness scale. I'm going to start at 999 Ireland.

Yeah, friendly. Friendly. Friendly, friendly. Tanzania.

A very friendly place. Just behind us. They're in the eighth place.

You might not see people if you're camping out under the stars. Those you do will be

welcoming and happy to have you visiting. Lovely. Lebanon is at six.

That looks beautiful in the photo that they've shared. But I don't know too much about Lebanon

as a country having never been and not familiar with a whole lot of people who have.

Cambodia, I have been. People were very friendly. Very friendly. Very friendly. Beautiful country.

Yeah. Botswana and at four.

That's where the meat's from. The Botswana butchery. Yeah.

Fancy. I wouldn't eat too much meat from Botswana. It's very zebra heavy.

I would like to eat a zebra but only if it was all legit. Oh, no, I don't want to eat a zebra.

No, I don't want to do that. I'm not an angel or whatever. It would be weird having stripy steaks.

Yeah, I'd be down for it. I think we're going to be lovely.

Namibia and at three. Is this the home place of producer Jared? Yes. The home country.

Yeah. Lovely little spot. Friendly, but what would we say safe? I wouldn't say safe.

Because this doesn't cover the big cities like Vinhoc. This is more if you're there doing

your luxury lodges and popular destinations. Sorry, what was that city? Vinhoc? Vinhoc. Yeah.

Vinhoc. Vinhoc. Vinhoc. I was pretty close. Pretty close. It's about with the W.

Tony really says to you. Yeah, I don't know if any of you are a curvature.

Vinhoc is how you would say it if you were just right. Let's go through New Zealand place names

and see how we go with those. Fiji and number two for friendly, very friendly people. Fiji

beat us. Fiji beat us. Very friendly. You guys don't have kids, but you go to Fiji and you've

got a kid and you're just like here and they're like, oh my God, fantastic. And they'll just

take the kid and like play with the kid and carry the kid babies around the Fiji and ladies with

babies. Oh my God. It's great. And you, yeah. I don't think they should pay them. It's beautiful.

Right. Okay. You know, if you put them into kids clubs, sometimes you've got to pay.

Yeah. Right. But if the Fiji and ladies just like your beautiful bouncy white baby. Yeah.

Right. Okay. Yeah. Very friendly. Very friendly. So who's number one on the list?

Dominica, which is an island, not the Dominican Republic. It's in the Caribbean,

isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What does it say about here? It's easy to see where this place is

often called the nature island. Thanks to its ancient rainforest, flawless beaches, hot springs,

dramatic coastline and colorful hamlets. This is a place for truly exploring. This doesn't

say anything about the friendliness, does it? It's just so that it's beautiful. This sounds

beautiful though. It just sounds beautiful, but apparently very friendly as well. Right. But we're

on the top. We're in the top 10. We're in the top 10. Sorry, was Canada in there? I missed it.

Suck it, Canada. Suck it, Australia. Australia's not friendly countries.

No scanning countries in there at all. Okay. Fantastic.

This is a massive study that was done in the UK looking at our phone usage and whether or not

it's a problem or we're just a heavy user or we're all, it's all good. I just tried to find

my screen time and since I've updated to the new iOS, whatever, it hasn't turned, it's not turned

on. Oh, really? It's not monitoring. So I hardly use it. I guess loophole. You don't use the

loophole. I don't use my phone. Oh, mine's down 20% from last week at four hours a day.

Four hours? That's so bad. Which is wild when you're sitting back. But does that include music

and stuff? Because I listen to music all day. Get home, music's on. No, it's when the screen is on.

You can't, you click on see all activity and it tells you what you do. Isn't that the deal?

Wow. Shannon, how many, I mean, your job is social media, but how many hours are you rocking

your day? Seven. Seven a day. And I just checked that's like every week I'm hitting seven at least.

And I spent 24 hours on TikTok last week. I spent an entire day.

But it gets you, man. It just keeps playing videos. So my number one used app is Instagram,

which I knew. I love Instagram. Six hours and 51 minutes a week. Right. I'm not mad at that.

Messages is my next one. Messages. Like messenger or messages.

Oh, that didn't sound good, did it? That cough. Yeah, no, I got something stuck in my throat.

Messages. 2012. Messenger is after that. And then my mail and then my banking app, then my photo.

So it's Instagram. Mine's just all Instagram. All Instagram. Now,

can't wait. And formally, the, at the social media desk, we talked what a year or two ago

about your insane stats. Is it like eight or nine? Yeah. Yeah, it was. Listen, this week, no, no,

this week, gone down to one hour, 50 minutes. Oh, I've just been very busy.

You just need to be more on your laptop, right? Yeah, no, 100% 100%. So this study,

they took a whole bunch of people and went through how much they're using it, looked at age and gender.

Obviously, they found the younger you are, the more likely you are to be addicted to it and

it decreases with age. So like, our parents would spend next to no time on a phone compared to,

say, a 10 year old who's going to spend their whole life on a phone, essentially.

Also, no difference with, based on gender. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Wow. No difference.

So what they wanted to do with this study, what, oh my God, young, found that young adults were

spending 28.5 hours on their smartphones weekly. That is insane. That's a day. That's a day gone.

That's a whole day on your phone. That's four hours a day. Look up. That's four hours a day. Yeah.

Oh, that's me. Look up, Hailey. Take a look up. The world is beautiful. Look up. Look out. Well,

surely it's Instagram. I literally just saw it. I was trying to, like, just justify it. It's my

downtime. So what they wanted to do with this is create, like, a spectrum of addiction. Yeah.

Right. And this is what they found. Casual users, which equated to 14.86% of people that they

researched. Yeah. Casual user, these people mainly go online for specific tasks and log off

without lingering. Like, going on to do a thing. Yeah, bang. I'm going to check the news app and

then I'm out. They show no signs of addiction generally sway older average age, sway older

average age 33.4. Okay. They are the least interested group when it comes to exploring new apps.

Okay. Then the next level on the spectrum, initial users, 22.86% of those studied this group often

finds themselves online longer than they initially planned and sometimes neglect household chores,

but don't consider themselves addict or addicted. They're mostly interested in apps

and have an average age of 26. Okay. Next, the experimenters, 21.98%. This group feels uneasy

or anxious. This is me. We're not connected to the internet. Once online, they feel much better.

Experimenters are more willing to try new apps and technology and the average age is between 22.8

and 24.3. I guess I'm young. Young in that way. Young in heart. The next level on the spectrum

is addicts in denial with 17.96% of those studied falling into this category. These individuals

display addictive behaviors like forming new relationships online while neglecting real

world relationships and responsibilities in favour for staying online. However, this group also

won't admit to feeling uneasy. We're not connected to the internet. They're also very confident when

it comes to using technology. The final group, addicts, 22.36% of those surveyed. This cohort

openly acknowledges they are addicted to the internet, recognise its negative impact on their

lives. They're the most confident using new apps and technology. But it doesn't. So each one,

it doesn't give an hour breakdown of- Nah, it doesn't. Right. Which is interesting.

It's more about the feeling of it. Yeah, yeah. How easily you can put down your phone.

You, you'd be all right. Oh, you did go through a buddy TikTok live for a while.

TikTok, that was a dark, dark time. Just go to bed to see what other people would do.

TikTok live and just be like, oh my God, they are wasting so much of their time,

but then I realised I was, so I don't do that anymore. Instead, I go to bed and I open up

Instagram Reels and I fire through about 12 to 15 of my favourite ones that I watched through

to my lads chat and just be like, check this out. I don't think anybody's watching them.

Maybe they're not. Yeah, I don't send as many to this group.

Because I don't want to, because I don't want to, I want you to get the cream of the crop.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

I don't believe it all. In fact, the study unravels itself.

Ford Motor Company obviously went to this website called Your Tango and they do like

quizzes on like surveys online and then they release it. And the headline is,

if you want to immediately improve your relationship, hit the road and go on a road

trip. Well, isn't that where most arguments happen? Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. We asked Respondies,

their favourite three ways to pass the time with their loved one on the road. 63% said,

just catching up with each other, blasting our favourite music, 60%. Getting some quiet time

and taking the sites. 37%. That's, you've had an argument and you're in a car now and it's a

horrible place to be post argument because you're both just looking and just like,

napping while my spouse partner does the driving. That's annoying as the person that's always driving

when everyone else in the car is napping. Yeah. That's a pain in the ass. I want to be napping too.

And then you can't have your music too loud because you're like, we're trying to nap. You're

like, what am I supposed to do? Yeah. 17% said one of their favourite activities on a road trip was

independently reading. You're going to be sick. Please put down the phone, playing on the phone

tablet. Girls get off those. You're going to be telling me you're feeling car sick. So

checking email as the partner does the driving. Checking email? How bad is this relationship?

You're like, well, I'm out of things to talk about and literally I've finished Instagram. I might

go and check my emails. Listening together to an audiobook or a comedy tape, news or sports

and playing car games, catching up with friends and family via the phone.

6% of people's favourite thing to do on a road trip with their partner is catch up with friends

and family via the phone. Ignoring the person that they're in a car with to catch up with them.

How is this at all showing that relationships are getting stronger? Because then listen to these

numbers. 63% of couples surveyed said they have a backseat driver on board who helps by doing things

like 32% telling the driver they're driving too fast. Tick. 27% tell them they're going the wrong

way. Tick. 22% tell them they're not paying enough attention to their surroundings and

traffic in front of them. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Hey, watch out. Watch out. Watch out.

Watch out. Watch out. Hey, hey. We're 500 metres away from them.

9% tell them they're not using their signals properly or sufficiently.

I do that. You've got to indicate out, bro. You've got to indicate out.

You've got to probably be Aaron doesn't indicate out of roundabouts.

7% told them off for a honking or using foul language or gestures towards other drivers.

Why don't they just drive? All the answers, all of the above questions. How did all of those were

higher things than things people were doing with their partner in the car, most of which

were ignoring your partner and being on your phone? Ford went, let's go into your tango.

They'll do a little survey and we can be like, get out there and do a road trip with your family

and they've got the results and they're like, my God, how are we going to swing this?

Into an article that makes driving feel like anything other than a punish. You know what's

not on that list? What? Every woman in my life telling me I've left the windscreen wipers on

for too long. Can you turn those off? You say, do you still need those on? Shadow's like, can you

turn those off? Oh, I got to hate it. What are you wiping? Yeah, the shells have passed over.

I wipe it till it's dry. When it squeaks, that's when you turn off the windscreen wipers. No.

A man got a job yesterday. Congratulations to the new chief executive of WorkSafe New Zealand.

WorkSafe New Zealand. WorkSafe New Zealand. Yes, Steve Hazard.

Oh, fantastic. Yes. Is it spelled H-A-Z-A-R-D?

H-A-S-Z-A-R-D. Hazard. Hazard.

But yeah, his whole job is getting people to watch out for hazards. And he's a hazard.

And he is a Steve Hazard. That's so good. That is so good. Yeah.

Nominative determinism. What is that? It's where someone's name would lead to

what they could do. Right. It's kind of where our names came from.

Sir names used to be what we did for a job. Feveron only had first names,

and then I think it was a taxation thing. They were like, well, John, John, John,

which John? So they were like, well, you're John. You make the arrows, so you can be Fletcher.

Yeah, that's what my name means. Lexma. I was on Game of Thrones.

Yeah, I know you were. You're fantastic. Yeah, you're really good. Thank you.

Really good. So yeah, his name's Steve Hazard, and that just made me laugh.

It's so good. I love that. I liked it.

So we want to talk about people, if your name suits your job, or if you know someone whose name

is just like they just suit so well with their job. Shannon. Shannon at the social media

desk has put her hand up, raised her hand. Yes, Shannon. Yeah, I had a graphics teacher called

Mr. Lyons. He's also playing for Hawkes Bay Rugby Union now. Mr. Lyons took too long.

Now, Shannon, your last name's Trim. You should have been a hairdresser. Well,

that's the thing. I freelance hairstyle. Hit me up with new boys. I know you're in the business.

But yeah, no. And then I have an auntie who's a hairdresser, but she's not a trim, so she really

missed out. Oh, no. Or you should be like a pubic maintainer. Yeah, Shannon Trim.

Trim. Pubic maintainer. Pubic maintainer. Or you could get into the milk business, maybe.

Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah, just add some more. Sharon, your last name's Pickstock. You could just go

to like a field of cows and be like, that one. Yeah. One of my cousins is a surgeon in Canada,

and her name is Dr. Grief. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Dr. Grief will see you now.

You go to get a vasectomy at the same clinic, and it's Dr. Slip. You're like, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

My school nurse was Nurse Dagger, and we always found that because you always go there and be like,

she's going to hurt me. She's going to take my nurse, yeah.

Okay, well, I'll 800-diles it in. We want to take your calls now. Text through 9-6-9-6. Does

your name suit your job? Or do you know, have you met someone at a job, and you're like,

that name suits the job? What's the name of the chef? Mr. Cook.

I mean, that's a common name, a last name. There definitely be some chefs.

Totally. With the last name, Cook. Yeah. We want to know if your name suits your job,

because a man who has just been named in charge of WorkSafe is called Mr. Hazard. Steve Hazard.

That's so good. So many messages. And Victoria, does your name suit your job?

It's not me. It's actually some people that I know. Okay.

So, two teachers in my old high school, our cooking teacher, her name was Mrs. Ham.

Mrs. Ham. Mrs. Ham.

Yum. Yum. Okay. Yum. I love it. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I like chunky ham in an omelette. Yeah, man.

Yeah. Okay. And the second teacher? And our sewing teacher was Mrs. Patton.

Mrs. Patton. That is so good. Victoria, thank you. Dalwin, does your name suit your job?

My last name is Hozi, and my brother-in-law is a fireman.

Oh, my God. When did Hozi? Hozi the fireman.

Yeah. Please tell me he's in charge of the Hozi's. He should be in charge of the Hozi's.

He probably likes the things. Oh, my God. That's so good.

Dalwin, thank you. Pam, you're dead. His last name suits his job.

It did. He used to work a lot in construction, and then he became a teacher,

and he taught woodwork, and his name was Mr. Wood. Oh, my God. That's so good.

And everyone was like, oh, we want to change the name.

We're not calling it woodwork anymore. We're calling it hard textiles.

He would have been like, no.

They're not giving me any respect. Mr. Hard Textiles.

Yeah. Thanks for your call to messages. My sister-in-law is an archaeologist,

and her name is Dr. Graves. Oh, wow. Dr. Graves.

Oh, this one's a good one. Sue named Hutton, and he's a policeman.

And of course, Hutton was luncheon, pork luncheon, made out of pigs.

It's a bit of a get there, but when you get there, it's good.

Ben Waters, and he works for Wellington, the Wellington Water Company.

Oh, so good.

I mind last name is Nurse, and wouldn't you believe it? I'm a registered nurse,

when people find out the jokes are endless.

Are you big explaining that every day, wouldn't you?

You're a nurse, nurse.

Nurse, nurse. Give me the nurse, nurse.

Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor. I need a nurse, nurse.

My old man's name is Sandy, and his job is he sells sand to golf courses.

And everyone just thinks it's his new name because he sells sand,

but it's not because it's actual, no.

This one's popping off.

Every now and then, we'll do one of these fun and topics, and you know,

it might be thin pickings, but we'll find a few, won't we?

This one's just great stuff. Oh, there's so many great messages.

And some of them remind me of, remember when you were a kid,

you'd be like, have you heard about that new book?

Called Rusty Bed Springs by IP Knightly.

Yeah. Yeah. Our last name is Parish, and my husband's uncle's a Catholic priest.

Oh, my God, Mr. Parish, Father Parish. Hold the Parish.

Taylor, does your name match your job?

Yeah, can I guys tell you going?

Good, good.

Super good.

Great, Taylor.

I just want to say I'm a long-time listener.

These guys will back up. I reached for the battle.

The minute you said, how's it going?

I was like, he's got the vibe.

Yes.

Welcome.

Right over to the show.

So, Taylor, are you a Taylor?

That's great.

Wow.

Fantastic.

Oh, my God, I've got a few clothes that need to be let out at the scenes, actually.

What kind of Taylor and you did you make suits and such?

Shh.

Yeah, exactly.

Wow.

Yeah, that's it.

10.

Yep.

Is it dying art?

It is a dying art.

Yeah, it's a tough trade to bear.

Well, let's get a plug in.

Where do you do this?

I work for Working Start.

Oh, yeah.

He's nice.

He's got a lot of products.

That's where I want Aaron to get his wedding suit, actually.

We're about to New Zealand.

Wait, do you want us to get our wedding suits?

I'm in Wellington.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, I love Wellington.

North Auckland.

Oh, my God.

OK, because we're going to need our white linens for Taylor's wedding.

You can't wear white linens when we do.

I'm sorry.

You just can't.

I'll take the summer so you can come in and see me.

Does it get awkward doing the inside measurements sometimes, Taylor,

when you get up to the right under the ball?

We don't tend to do that anymore.

There's ways around that.

Really, because that guy was doing that inside measurement for you.

He's had to do it 10 times.

Well, yeah, when he said you can't really get a good measurement

until you get a handful.

Yeah, because you need to sort of tuck them back to the seats.

Nice and tight.

Low hangers.

Yeah, and then he measured from my balls to my butthole now.

I'm not sure why that measurement was for.

Let's make sure they're comfortable.

Very nice measurements.

Very nice measurements.

Taylor, thank you for your call.

Sorry to sully your proficient.

They're very professional.

They've got a lot of government employees down there who need suits.

So go and see our boy, Taylor.

Yeah, definitely.

Thanks for your call.

Some messages and so many.

Does your name match your job?

Our last name is Watts.

W-A-T-T-S.

Electrician.

My brother and my dad are both electricians.

My married name is Kerl, and I'm a hairdresser.

I want to find the one from Only Hung a High.

In the early 2000s, they had two teachers,

and people would start at the school and be like, no.

No jokes.

At Only Hung a school back in the early 2000s,

there was an electronics teacher called Mr. Sparks

and a PE teacher called Mr. Fitness.

What? Your last name's Fitness?

Your last name's Fitness.

That's not a last name.

No, it is.

I'm trying to Google.

What, like Alan Fitness?

Alan Fitness.

As a surname, Sophie Fitness.

When did I meet someone when their last name was?

Fitness furnishings in Hamilton.

It was a family company, and they were the fitnessers.

No, they did couches for gyms.

You're getting them confused.

They did heavy couches so that you left them,

and you got to work out at the same time.

I can't find them.

I can't find them.

That's not a last name.

You've ever heard that, Eva?

As a fitness, no, it definitely is.

Former health and safety manager whose last name was Slaughter.

Jesus.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Yeah, no.

I came across an accountant.

His last name was Mr. Brokish.

Our cooking teacher at Kaitaia High was Mrs. Cook.

Yes.

That's good.

Good stuff.

Our last name's Sergeant.

My grandad reached sergeant status in the army,

so he was Sergeant Sergeant.

He just stopped there, right?

You don't want to be Admiral Sergeant.

That's very confusing.

Isn't Admiral the Navy?

Oh, man.

That's just hot.

I thought it was hot.

Captain Sergeant.

Major, Major Sergeant.

Sergeant Major is already a rank.

Oh, my God.

If he was Sergeant Major, he'd be Sergeant Major Sergeant.

My sister and a friend had the same OB gynecologist called...

Mrs. What?

Mrs. Vagina.

Dr. Poozie, P-U-Z-D-Y.

I'm surprised nobody got into the rectal area with that name.

Yeah.

Tom Kitchen was a Michelin star chef in Edinburgh.

Oh, brilliant.

Oh, my God.

I'm loving that.

This is really good stuff.

Mr. Hockey was a science teacher at New Columbus Girls High,

but he coached the hockey team.

Do you think Mr. Hockey was like, this year, can I do rugby?

Yeah, please.

Cricket.

And they're like, no.

If I could.

I had a doctor called Dr. Good Enough.

All right, I've got appointment at nine.

Oh, that'll be good enough.

I'll go get him.

Yeah, so many.

So good.

So good.

She's excited.

She's taking her clothes off.

Um.

Hello there, and welcome to the Great Kiwi Kettle Off.

OK, we're just, I'm just going to say this before I forget.

I said it was 30 amps, 32 amps.

It's three channels at 32 amps, so 90-odd amps.

We're back to higher box.

There's a power cord coming in that's thicker than a garden hose.

I know.

We are not going to blow fuses today.

We are ready for the rematch.

We tried this last week, but all the fuses popped.

Yeah.

So I'm the one to beat, basically.

Because I've started this whole thing by saying I had a fast kettle,

and then I won last week, and then we couldn't just let it be.

Now, we also have a race day sponsor.

Yeah, so Briscoe's heard this, and they sell kettles.

You don't need to say this.

I'm Jared.

I believe we've had something made.

It's in Show Bits A, because Briscoe said a Tammy herself,

the Briscoe's lady, messaged me and said,

I hear you're playing with an Ancoe.

Oh, right.

OK.

She wasn't happy with that.

Yeah, right.

And if I could just have my race day sponsor credit.

Von's race day sponsor is Briscoe's.

Oh, my God.

You can't introduce to you the Sunbeam Kyoto City Collection.

Oh, you can't do this.

You have to stick with your shitty Ancoe.

You've just taken open that for no factory talk.

Oh, that's nice.

OK, that's nice.

Oh, that's nice.

You know what?

Oh, that's nice.

That's nice.

Daddy's taken this home for some brownie points after the race.

Wow.

That's very good.

Even if it doesn't work, that's nice.

Look at this.

Listen to this.

We've got different race day conditions.

Yeah.

So OK.

So each kettle.

It's not soft open.

Mine's soft open.

Each kettle on the table has one exactly one liter of water

measured.

So Von's going to plug his kettle,

and we're going to put the one liter in.

Now, we do have a chance to either win.

Thanks to race day sponsor Briscoe's.

We've got three $500 Briscoe's vouchers,

which, oh my god, that would be so much fun.

Yeah.

Go on, you know, go on a sale day.

I mean, if you go on a sale day,

you're getting like $2,000 worth of stuff.

Well, I mean, oh my god, I'm girl math thing.

Your girl math thing is voucher.

Voucher.

Go on a Thursday or a weekend.

To win, all you've got to do is text the word kettle,

leave a space, and then the name of the person

who you think is going to win this race.

It could be Haley.

So we've got Haley on the Breville.

We've got Fletch on the kitchen aid.

Now, we've got Vaughn on the brand new,

straight from the box, Sunbeam.

Yeah.

We've got...

To be honest, I, you know, I was thinking that

it would have been good to have the anchor here as well.

No, too late.

You've made your bed.

I might time this and then just do it later at home.

We've got...

You've accepted big, big sponsor.

I have accepted.

Well, you know, I'm just, I'm just...

Someone just called to a sale out.

I'm just trying to...

Absolutely, Dan Carter.

I'm just trying to get the company a flight.

You know?

You've got you, Dan Carter.

I'm just trying to get the company a flight over here.

Don't worry about it.

Hang on, we've got to finish the other three.

We've got Jared on the cambrook.

We've got Shannon on the second hand.

Morphe Richards, Tony Street's hand me down.

Which, apparently, you get in Australia.

It's a big posh brand in Australia.

Super grunted, a big grunted last time.

And we've got producer Karwin on a zip.

We've got a good spread of brands here.

God, yeah, we do, don't we?

Now...

Oh, everyone's texting.

Yeah, everyone's in for Haley.

Also, A2Y, LAY.

It's all good.

Oh, yeah, people have been offending you with the A2Y.

A2Y, LAY is not bad.

It's fine, it's fine.

I'm happy.

Okay, get your texts in with who you think's going to win

to 9-6-9-6.

We're going to come back next,

and we're going to turn all the kettles on.

It is to finally put this to bed.

We're going to have to have a lot of fingers

on a lot of switches.

Yes, we'll go 3-2-1.

We'll engage kettles.

Yeah, on tempo.

And then we wait.

So we'll get the race underway next.

The great Kiwi kettle off.

Hello there, and welcome to the great Kiwi kettle off.

We did it last week.

We blew fuses.

We've hired a big, bloody industrial-sized construction

power in and outlet.

We've got six kettles, all different brands, ready to go.

Three producers with their fingers poised to flick.

And this is all because Haley says,

oh, I've got the fastest kettle.

Yeah, and we did the test and I did.

Who's got the sexiest kettle?

Come on.

Vaughn's come in with this brand-new summoning

from Briscoe's on her T-Rex sponsor.

It's beautiful.

Look at mine.

Yeah, I like Fletcher's.

Fletcher's only because it reminds me of R2D2.

Yeah, but it's in the context of my kitchen.

The blue kettle.

I mean, it's fantastic.

It goes with the cupboards.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, Jared's black kettle goes with everything.

Collins reminds me of Nans.

Yeah, my mum had all red energy.

That stuff for a while.

Yeah, and Shannon got herself Tony Street.

Well, that woman knows interior design,

and I'm terrified to say a word against her.

Yeah.

All right, so I think we'll go three, two, one, click.

On tempo.

On three, two, one, click.

Not yet, not yet.

One liter of water and each all came out of the same tap.

Yes.

Simultaneously.

So this is close to the same temperature as we can get.

Yeah.

All one liter.

Yeah.

All running off the same power.

Yeah.

Now, any update from the electricians?

But just before we press...

They're happy.

They're happy for us to proceed.

The amps and the wattage and everything.

90 amps through three, three phase

or whatever we should be able to do.

Okay.

The great Kiwi kettle off to settle this once and for all.

Whose kettle is the fastest?

Turn on the kettle's producers and three, two, one, click.

Okay.

Silence.

Oh, wow.

There's silence before the studio as everybody just wants...

Everybody literally looked at their own kettle to...

Oh, my God, it's on.

Okay, it's on.

Okay, it's on.

Now, the zip has a lovely orange on light.

Yeah, it does.

The next kettle, is there a light there?

Yeah, camera's on.

Yeah, camera's on.

A light on the little...

Oh, look at mine.

It's fancy, though.

Where's mine illuminate?

Oh, you've got an illuminate.

Oh, he's got a rest.

It's set on here on the box.

It says illuminate.

We've got boiling already.

Oh, okay.

Now, the mic is picking up the loud zip.

It's the zip.

Okay, can't...

Loud doesn't mean fast.

No, loud doesn't.

Might be putting a large drain on the power,

but that doesn't mean it's going to be the most effective boiler.

Because I was told my Breville is quite a quiet one,

as well, quite a fast.

Now, my jug has a temperature on the top.

What's it saying?

35.

Okay.

35 degrees.

Yeah, we're a third of the way there.

Okay, let's just go across to the sideline mic

for a moment, please.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

That'll put a baby to sleep.

Yeah, that's humming.

That's humming.

That's white noise.

Oh, I forget we're going to get hot again, aren't we?

We got steamed last time.

We did get steamed last time.

Yeah, the studio got very steamy.

Um, now to the sweetest sauna situation.

Your dark blue, almost black kettle

that you claim is the fastest kettle in the world.

Does it have a light on it?

Yeah, it's got a light on the switch.

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful, sleek design there from Breville.

Oh, what's the current temperature?

52 degrees.

52 degrees.

That's half way.

That's half way to boiling.

That's fast, actually.

That's fast.

Win this.

I'm going to flip off first.

I can't see all the switches from my position.

I can see one side.

You can see the other.

Yeah.

Sunbeam coming out of the steam.

Coming out of the sunbeam.

The new Sunbeam.

The Race Day sponsor from Briscoe's coming in hot.

It's got a matching toaster.

Briscoe's, if you would like to see me

in the matching toaster, I am absolutely welcome to do it.

Come on, Dan Carter.

Come on, you're tuning in to Dan Carter

of the Kingdom of the House.

Now, to the person who sees they're embarrassed

to say they're sitting in the car in the driveway

listening to the kettle off and going inside.

Don't be embarrassed.

Don't go anywhere.

The current temperature reading, Jared.

69.

69.

Yay!

Okay, we are, okay.

We're sickened away.

We're sickened away.

Okay.

I'm going to turn the camera.

I'd say the most steam is coming from the Sunbeam,

but this is also the first time it's been boiled,

so we might be having some chemical burn off.

Dust.

It could be some chemical burn off a bit of dust.

Yeah, it could be.

It could be.

It's just...

I'll produce it, Jared.

A temperature reading.

80.

80.

80.

Oh!

Okay.

Eyes on the lights, please.

Eyes on the lights.

Eyes on the lights.

We'll start hearing clicks as soon as the race is getting close.

We're getting to the boil.

We're getting to the boil.

We're hearing boiling.

I can't see any steam coming out of yours.

Temperature?

87.

87.

That's 13 degrees of boiling.

Everyone's rumbling.

Everyone's rumbling.

The most steam seems to be coming from the Sunbeam.

Could be true to click off any minute.

Wait.

Oh, it's boiling.

I can see mine boiling on the side.

I think it's 95.

95.

The Sunbeam's boiling.

The Sunbeam's rocking itself.

Watch closely.

Watch closely.

Everybody's boiling.

I can see everything is boiling.

What's going to...

I mean, it's going to suck itself off.

Oh!

Oh, my God!

What's wrong?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

No, but I'm going to suck it!

I'm going to suck it itself!

I'm going to suck it!

Let's get an action rep, babe!

Oh, my God!

Amber, it's gone.

Okay, wait.

Mine clicked off first.

Mine is gone.

My kettle said it was at 100 degrees.

But they all get to 102.

Oh, sorry.

I feel I'm Oat.

A team apology.

The new Sunbeam has popped its top.

It's absolute waste of company money to do this region.

Oh, no, no, no!

Is it even Oat?

Shannon, what happened?

I don't know.

She's cold.

You just clicked it off just then.

The Tony Street Toast kettle was not on?

Did you not switch it on?

Yeah, it was on for a bit.

Oh, the Tony Street Toaster.

I think that's why she gave that to you.

That's on.

Which one clicked off the first?

Producer, Jared, can we have a final definite ruling, please?

It was fine.

I saw it.

So, Fletcher's hit 100, but the Breville turned off,

and then Fletcher's turned off.

Yeah.

Where was the Sunbeam?

Ractress, applause, please.

The Breville one.

No, but I got to 100!

It doesn't matter.

It didn't click off.

You're not pouring a cup of tea before it clicks off.

Except a feat.

The Breville is the fastest jug.

I say we do it again with the moment as in every one.

Oh, my God.

It's not about the temperature.

It's when the jug decides it has clicked off.

OK.

OK.

I couldn't see.

Producer, Jared.

I couldn't see the side of the kettles.

Who are we awarding the winner of the Great Kiwi Kettle off?

The Breville.

Hailey!

Hailey has done it.

Hailey has done it.

I just want to say thank you so much to everyone.

This was a lot of fun.

But at the end, I never doubted that the Breville was the fastest.

That's why I came in and said, I've got a fast kettle.

You challenged me?

Except a feat.

We're like one second faster than my kettle.

Except a feat.

It's faster.

I want to hear you say that you accept a feat.

I'm going to pen a letter to KitchenAid saying my water hit 100,

but it didn't click off.

Well, it doesn't click off.

It's got, all of them were literally,

but I couldn't see the water bubbling in all of them.

You're actually rocking.

To be honest, all has popped the top in the row.

Apart from the Tony Street hand-me-down kettle,

which it sounds like it was the reason she handed it down to Shannon.

Sometimes, the sometimes boil.

Tony Street blowing out everybody else's candle to make her shine.

I've got to tell you, victory feels very sweet today.

Very sweet indeed.

Unbelievable.

Well, congratulations.

Hailey Sprunner.

I won the Ancoke at a one.

I'm sticking out.

Leave that thing here.

Tomorrow we'll do the Ancoke.

We won.

We won.

You've got a brand new sunbeam.

You go home victorious as well.

Fact of the day.

Day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day on Sesame Street Week

is that there is approximately 30 international versions of Sesame Street.

They're different colors or something?

Big birds are a whole lot of different colors.

That's right.

Purple somewhere.

Yeah.

The different big birds also were made to represent birds known to the area.

So like the South American big bird had a slightly bigger beak,

so it had a sort of a parity, sort of a vibe to it.

But yeah, big bird addressed this.

Somebody actually sent this to me on Instagram saying

has this been your fact of the day?

I said, well, to be honest, today we are doing a fact about Sesame Street around the world.

So I can totally mention it.

And big bird addressed it.

In February 2021, I heard my friends on Twitter were asking about my cousins around the world.

There's a lot of bird cousins in different countries,

and here's a little bit about them.

And then he told the story of all the different birds that appear on Sesame Street

in his place around the world.

Afghanistan's got its own Sesame Street.

Sesame.

It's got a lot of the same characters, but it's got Zari, who is a six-year-old girl.

But Muppet.

Yeah.

Oh, Muppet girl.

Yeah.

And Zirak, who is Zari's brother.

So there's countries all around the world with their own.

Israel, Indonesia.

Wow.

India, Gali Gali Simpson is the name of Sesame Street.

Gali Gali Simpson.

Gali Gali Simpson.

But there's no like Australasian.

No.

So in Australia, there was Ollie, a yellow-orange Muppet who was a cousin of Elmo

who introduced Sesame Street when it played on Nick Jr.

So he's like, oh, g'day, g'day, guys.

It's me, it's Ollie.

Oh, yeah.

He pretty sore of it.

Yeah.

Pretty sore of it.

Guzzled a couple of bloody pieces, and I'm ready to go.

Oh, I'm just going to whoop outside and have a smoke.

You watch what's happening with my mate, Alma.

My cousin Elmo taking care of things down on Sesame Street.

Yeah.

So China, Egypt, Germany.

Germany's had a very extensive history of Sesame Street.

Japan, Kuwait even had its own Sesame Street with its own characters, including

yeah, regional versions and just different colors of Sesame Street favorites.

Of course, because we had a Māori Muppet, you know, who like intro'd our show.

Yeah.

A little Māori Muppet.

That would be cool.

Got a mokko.

Yeah.

Bit of a taniwha.

Yeah.

There's an idea.

So today's fact of the day on Sesame Street week is that there are over 30 local versions

of Sesame Street around the world, including many a different color,

and slightly different looking big birds.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Play ZM's Fletch for the Naili.

Play ZM.

Great story.

Out of the Asian Games, which are happening at the moment, there's a 3,000 meter relay

roll of skate.

That's a thing.

Yes, it is.

I was about to ask why I hadn't heard of the Asian Games, and then you said 3,000 meter roll

of skate, and I was like, that'll be why.

Yes.

Doesn't sound real, does it?

So the Asian Games are on.

South Korean roller skater had lost his team the gold medal by 0.01 seconds.

That hurts.

Because just before the line, he threw his arms up and was like, I've won this.

You haven't.

Oh, I know you haven't.

When the roller skater on his right from Taiwan just pipped him.

Oh my god, that must hurt so much.

He came behind, pepped him, by a tiny fraction, like 0.01.

Where, what country were they from?

Taiwan.

Was it a Thai, or did they won?

I'll probably let Eric in with you today.

I just, yeah.

That's me for the day.

Yeah, yeah.

I think you've done.

I think you've done.

I think you've done.

He's off.

Off you pop.

Ladies and gentlemen, producers thank you for the show.

I'll catch you all tomorrow.

So what makes this even funnier is that...

Vaughn just made a cracking pump.

No, that's made it funnier.

In South Korea, people aged between the ages of 18 and 28 must do military service for

one and a half to two years.

Yes.

And because they missed out on the gold medal, they will now have to do military service

the entire team.

Whereas if they'd won a gold, it would have made them exempt from military service.

Oh my god, because this guy was like, yes.

Yes.

Because you do the moment you think you've won, you pull back.

You got to keep going.

You got to keep going.

Pass the line.

Pass the line.

Yeah.

Unless you're in the same boat.

Remember when he was so much faster than everybody?

Oh, you're about to look back and laugh.

Which no one ever does.

How immoral is he to run as fast as you can?

You're one of the world's fastest men.

And the guy who's just faster than you is so much faster, you can turn around and be like,

Did you see him with the American guy?

I mean, man, he would be running and looking at him and teasing him.

Like, come on, do it.

And he'd be like, yeah.

Well, I wanted to know, is there anybody listening now that's been in the situation

where you celebrated too soon?

Yeah.

And it doesn't need to have been like a sporting race.

It could have just been like,

What about you got offered it?

You got like, you think you're getting this new job?

And so you're like, yes.

And you go out and you spend all this money because you got this new job.

And then you're like, oh, actually, that's fallen through.

Speaking from experience.

Yeah.

As a freelancer, it's always like, yes, looking good.

You've got it.

You've locked in.

Here's the money.

And you're like, sweet.

I'm going to start spending that.

Even telling people about something.

Oh, yeah.

As a celebration in a way.

Tell people about this exciting new thing.

And then it falls through.

And you'll never have taught it.

We want to know when you celebrated too early.

A roller skate, a roller skate relay race at the Asia Games.

A team loss, a Korean team lost by 0.01 seconds because he celebrated early.

And Ty Wilde was like, straight in there.

Pipped them at the post.

Kenan, when did you celebrate too early?

Oh, yeah.

So I bought a Texas Holden scratchy.

And I scratched it up all the cards.

And I thought I'd won 500K.

So I pulled up the misses.

We had planned a trip overseas and all.

Went to pick up from work.

I'm playing, I think it's TI and Justin Timberlake.

The song's like, you're looking at a winner.

I'm like, I'm out of round of the world.

Oh, dude.

Oh, no.

We go to the lotto shop.

Turns out, I don't know how to play Texas Holden because I won nothing.

Oh, my God.

So you thought you won half a million dollars.

I mean, you literally, sounds like you just wrote an instant Kiwi ad.

And they'll get that right.

In reverse.

In reverse.

Except at the end, yeah, Twisters, you would actually win.

Oh, my God.

Oh, that's so funny.

I can't even believe you're calling up to admit that.

That's quite ballsy.

Because then you feel like you've lost half a million dollars.

It was never yours.

That was about 10, 15 years ago.

So I'm over it now.

Yeah, OK.

Oh, that's so good.

Some messages in.

When did you celebrate too early?

Somebody asked on a scratchy.

Thought I'd won a thousand dollars on a scratchy.

I turned on a scratch the wrong letter.

Sounds like a crossword mistake, Ben.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I'd also won nothing.

Also, you get the app out because you can scan it on the app.

Before you celebrate.

Before you go to a store.

If you really want to take the fun out of a scratchy,

you don't even need to play the scratchy.

Just scratch the barcode and scan it with the app.

When did you celebrate too early?

Some messages in.

My friend's family had his funeral and he had not died.

Is that one of those living funerals?

Oh, yeah.

So you can hear what everybody has to say about you before you're dead.

I kind of like those.

Yes, I know one one.

You know me, though.

Center of attention.

You'd love it.

Compliments.

Just people talking about me.

You just do it every year.

Music.

Oh, my God, mate.

It's my birthday this week.

You may be able to turn into a funeral.

Yeah.

No, you guys won't come in because you won't want to give me.

Well, not if we're to dress up.

Oh, I'm not doing beautiful words.

Yeah, everyone who's coming to my birthday this week

and has to go around the table and say beautiful words about me.

It's my birthday and you were a team.

You've been in a birthday where they've done that?

Or all the time?

All the time.

Horrible.

All my friends are actors.

Horrible, yeah.

Horrible.

Especially when you're the last person

and everyone's used like the four nice things.

Yeah, I guess I just sum really.

Stand by what everyone else has said.

Yeah, back up.

We're on a double down on that.

Some other messages in.

I literally did this last week.

I was so confident I had a new job in the bag

that at an auction on a house,

I went to an auction on a house based on my new salary.

They called me the same afternoon saying

they actually wanted someone who could speak fluent Japanese.

And I said, how has this never come up?

Konichiwa Higazanus.

I know, you'd think that would be in the first paragraph

of the job application.

Hmm.

Hmm.

God bless.

Early in it.

So it sounds like a complete cop out, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Oh, actually, you need to speak Japanese.

Sorry for a job that's out of Japan.

But, you know, I got a verbal job offered to become a nurse

in Australia.

It would be double my current wage.

Quit my job on the spot.

Called the landlord and broke my lease.

Oh, no.

Bought fines.

And then they called me and said that filled the role internally.

And then you've got back to your boss and be like,

carve it back.

But you know what, if you're doing,

if you're being a nurse here and you quit,

I'm pretty sure they'll take you back

because there's a shortage.

Yeah, for sure.

But also, surely there's other jobs in Australia.

Yeah.

I mean, don't go.

Stay. Where are you going?

Where would you want to leave?

I celebrated early once.

I was riding my bike down a giant hill

and I celebrated for making it to the bottom.

Before I stopped going fast and I fell off

and ended up with a pedal stuck in my leg.

Yeah.

My dad did the opposite.

He got a letter from bonus bonds.

And I said, and he said to mama,

I've won $500 on bonus bonds.

And then the mom's like, well, that's great news.

And then she read it and he'd won $50,000.

Oh, my God.

Extra zeros.

Yeah. So many extra zeros.

And he was just like, oh.

I think he celebrated early with $500.

Went to a charity ball.

Bit on a trip to Bali thinking it was all inclusive.

Started celebrating, feeling how it snapped up a bargain.

Seven nights, eight people.

Later to find out it was simply accommodation.

It didn't include flights, food, transfers, nothing.

What?

Oh, my God. What a stupid prize.

Quickly turned into a very sad night for my bank account.

Yeah.

We celebrated too early when we applied

for our Australian visa.

We're from Latin America.

Hola.

Hola.

Hola.

Hola.

Si papi.

We sold all of our stuff, clothes,

beard, appliances, everything.

Put our apartment up for sale,

resigned from our jobs, and then our visa got declined.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

So a bit of a loss of celebrating too early.

Yeah.

Sunday night, thought that this is the NRL.

Thought the Broncos had it in the bag.

And then bloody Nathan Clary.

Absolutely.

Ran rings around.

Oh, Nathan Clary.

To the Panthers rings.

To the Panthers.

To the top.

To the top.

Top grand champ.

Top MVP.

Oh, another one in the bag.

And some Versace bags, well.

If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review

and be sure to tell your mates.

You don't sound sincere there,

but I'm just reading what's written here.

ZM's Fletch Von and Haley.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.