ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 30th August 2023

The ZM Podcast Network.

The Fleece Vaughn and Hailey Big Pod.

Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with My Mac's Rewards.

Good morning, welcome to the show.

Fleece Vaughn and Hailey Wednesday morning.

Wednesday. Humpstay.

Humpstay in. Got a hump if you can do it.

Another double-pasta Taylor Swift today to give away.

You've got to be listening at 8 o'clock for the Taylor song.

Midday and 4 will be the first caller through with PJ

and Maddie McLean who are in for Brian Clint this week.

You've got a note this morning from Matty.

Lovely note.

It's two days in a row Vaughn that you haven't had one.

You've got Hailey got a note yesterday.

Yeah.

I think Vaughns is playing with it though.

Vaughns is playing with it.

We know he's got a big note.

We know he's got a big note.

You're headlining the notes.

More of a paragraph.

Perhaps.

Do you think you'll get a paragraph?

Love letter.

Oh, lovely.

It'll be a love letter.

The top six is coming up.

New Zealand Fashion Week or whatever.

I see the hashtag NZFW.

I think not safe for work.

Yeah.

I would think that too.

Not safe for work.

Not safe for work.

Do you know when you open this email?

Not safe for work.

Not safe for work.

But it's New Zealand Fashion Week.

Fashion is my passion.

There are always weird shows all over the place.

Dracula things, don't they?

Yeah.

I never see any of those shows.

Apart from like the undies one.

Oh, there's some.

Yeah, there's some stuff.

But I'm like, I would never ever wear that.

Yeah.

Well, fashion's not your passion.

No, it's yours though.

That is mine.

Yeah.

I can tell today though, I've got dressed in the dark,

just found what was on.

A yellow wool.

Yellow jumper.

Yellow woolly jumper.

A pair of jeans that used to be too tight.

Used to be too tight.

No, sorry, used to be too loose.

Oh.

Now they fit.

Nice and snug.

Snug.

Snug pair of tight fit dad jeans.

Yeah, baby.

Well, I like the top six.

Fashion Week shows New Zealand Fashion Week should have.

Okay.

Reflecting our own fashion.

Yeah, right.

Nice.

It's coming up.

Next on the show though.

A psychiatrist has revealed the factors that mean that you could be susceptible to con,

to being conned.

I'm looking at you, Shannon.

Play.

Zed M's Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Now, we know, and we've called around on it before, producer Shannon is, gosh,

she's a bit of a dits, isn't she?

Yes.

I mean, she's an angel, but just as thick as a plank of wood.

No, I'm kidding, Shannon.

We love you very much and you're a very smart, intelligent person.

Thank you.

But you've been susceptible.

You've been conned before.

You've fallen for a few scams.

Yeah.

And you would think that working in social media, I'd be a bit more savvy to it.

Yeah.

I nearly fell for one like a week or so ago for a bank that I don't even bank with.

Sorry?

Oh my God, I worry about you so much.

I got like a, hey, your BNZ account's been hacked and I'm freaking out, but I'm on ANZ.

You're like, oh my God, ANZ has suddenly slipped in a B in front of it.

Yeah, I don't know.

I just, I panicked, but you know, the one I fell for and I got cleared out for was a toll

road when I drive 10 minutes from Remuera to Auckland CBD and I paid for a toll road.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

Oh please.

Well.

Way more of an Alice Lee too.

She said Remus.

Oh yeah, she's flashing it up.

She's an Alice Lee.

She says Remus though, but she straight up means.

I'm on Portland Road, thank you.

Yeah, but Alice Lee.

That's big Alice.

I suppose you can say St John for that.

Oh my God.

I know, I just forgot about St John.

Everybody forgets about St John.

I feel like I'm constantly picking up trade me.

It's a boutique from St John.

It's a boutique bougie neighborhood.

And every time I'm like, we're St John.

For people who don't want to say that from Remuera, they want to say, yeah,

Opshoppy, but they're not.

Yeah, yeah.

Right.

Well, there is a psychiatrist, not a psychologist.

Which one?

Now what's the difference?

Psychiatrists diagnose and medicaid and treat that way.

Right.

Psychologists get into like the reason why and all that stuff.

Tell me about your parents, like sit on the couch.

Yeah.

So when I was a teenager, I went to a psychologist.

Right.

When I was an adult, I went to a psychiatrist.

Right.

And now it's all fixed.

When I hurt my back, I went to a psychotherapist.

No physiotherapist, babe.

Okay.

If you went to a psychotherapist and he told you that your back's not actually sore.

And then he put some nodes on my head and cranked up the electricity.

Yeah, right.

And he bit down a piece of leather.

That's a physio.

1950s.

Yeah, that's a physio.

Is it a 50s?

Yeah, right.

Well, he's been chiming in on what makes people a little bit more susceptible.

Susceptible.

Susceptible?

Susceptible.

Susceptible to being conned.

And one of the main things, and I don't know if this relates to Shannon,

is sort of someone who's a bit sad and lonely.

No, that's, no, that's a bit harsh.

Perhaps someone that would fall for a kind of a hot celebrity type is one that might

be sort of conned into believing that...

There's so many people falling for this.

I'm talking to a celebrity.

I know.

Like, who's falling for that?

Yeah, they would say that a lot of people who are unlucky in love,

they're super open to these, like, romance scams.

Right.

That are then there to just get money from you.

Being like, hey, I'm...

Because someone claiming to be...

I don't know if Paul Giamatti just came to mind.

But you know, say it's...

Paul Giamatti!

Say, say you got a message...

He could be reaching out.

He could be.

Yeah, I got a message yesterday from someone pretending to be Ursula Carson.

Now, before they could even ask for money, I said, piss off, bitch.

Yeah.

Was she asking you for money?

No, not at all.

And she was asking how I was, and it's been a while and stuff, and...

No, that was her.

I was just like, piss off, bitch!

Because I thought it was a...

Oh, no, because that had been her.

Could have been her.

No, it was definitely her.

Paul Giamatti's with $25 billion.

So if he's saying he's hard up for money and needs $1,000 wide to his bank account,

I wouldn't bother.

Such a great voice, Paul Giamatti.

He's got a little panicky, New York-y, Italian-American-y.

Well, if Paul Giamatti texts you, it's probably a romance scam.

In your being a scam because you are more gullible, naive, and suggestible, you're a

weakie.

I also remember reading somewhere that we're all susceptible in some ways.

Absolutely.

And it's normally those people that think they are not susceptible in any way.

Yeah, absolutely.

That are likely to be scammed.

Yeah, totally.

And they also say that it's people that are risk-adverse, are usually the ones that are

getting scammed into it.

Because you get a text being like, hey, something's wrong, and you're like, oh, no, I gotta take

care of that, and I don't want to get in trouble with my money here.

Yep.

You're being scammed.

My mum got one of those on Facebook from someone pretending to be someone she knows.

Not like a really close friend, but someone she would definitely have had dinner with at

some stage.

And they were like, I'm stuck, and I really need money.

And she wrote back saying, sorry, you're on your own.

Because it was this woman, she's like, how did she ask me for money?

I was like, no, no, this is a scam.

And mum was like, ah.

But people still fall for those like, you know, your uncle in Nigeria passed away and

he's left you a fortune of, you know, 50 million US dollars.

Sometimes people have got nothing to lose, though.

And 10 minutes a day to burn replying to the emails.

But they think even people who are greedy, or even in a desperate time, and you've got

a lot of debt, even if you think that you're not susceptible to being conned, if you're

in a position where you're like, man, my mortgage and repayments are going up.

You're looking for a way out.

There's something changes in you that your brain is more malleable to going, well, maybe

this is true.

Maybe I am part Nigerian.

I can see it.

I've always thought, I've always thought.

Oh, you've got to be so careful.

In those situations, I always thought it was somebody from my line who had moved to Nigeria,

not that I had come from Nigeria.

But I mean, this is interesting to see how everybody else takes the Nigerians.

I always thought I would find Nigerian blood in the bloodline.

You would find, yeah.

You did the DNA.

Maori, Hawaiian, Scottish, a bit of Irish.

68% Nigerian.

Yeah.

It just translates.

You may remember last year, the chess world was rocked with controversy.

Yes.

It really changed the world, didn't it?

It really brought chess back to the forefront for the first time since Queen's Gambit.

This was regarding Chessmaster Hans Nyman, who's 19 years old, young.

A master.

Yeah.

A master at 19, young, very good chess player.

But he bet five-time world champion Magnus Carlson.

You can imagine, he wasn't happy.

I can bet he was very upset.

Magnus was furious.

But he withdrew from a tournament and then speculated in a Twitch stream with a fellow

chess player that he believed Nyman was hiding a remote control sex toy on his being.

Of course.

And somebody was sitting with advanced computer-ing, buzzing, and they had pre-worked out what

the buzzers meant.

Yeah.

And then he would move.

Now, initially, accusation was that it was hidden in a shoe.

Right.

Oh, not up the butt.

Then it was moved to the butt after he went, but then the other thing was he went for a

full body scan.

Did he?

Yeah.

He did like a full body scan.

Oh, no.

No one stuck a finger up.

They basically used that thing at the airport.

Yeah.

They give you a wand to see if you've got any metal on you.

Oh, yeah.

No metal detected in the anal region.

No.

Okay.

But wait.

Did they just kind of like put the wand right up against the butt hole?

The battery would, you know, like lean forward and like arch your back a bit.

And then decide.

But everybody, experts in the field said the battery alone would set it off literally

the working mechanisms in the vibrato.

Oh, wow.

Boot, bloog.

Let alone the perineum piercing.

Well, that took some explaining, but he showed them that.

So that was all right.

Now, at the time though, these accusations were wild.

It went to court.

It went to court.

Oh, my God.

Did it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So chess.com have released a statement.

So this is the update.

The latest.

This is the update.

Okay.

No butt plug.

Okay.

Great.

Dead chest community.

We're pleased to report we've reached an agreement with Hans Nyman to put our differences

behind us and move forward together without further litigation.

Well, that's not saying.

On, on, on.

Hans included a, sorry, a statement regarding Hans includes that we found no

determinative evidence that he had cheated in any in-person games.

We all love chess and appreciate the passion.

Blah, blah, blah.

And then Nyman also released a statement.

Yeah.

I'm pleased that my lawsuit with Magnus Carlson and chess.com has been resolved in a mutually

acceptable manner.

And I am returning to chess.com.

Did he get, did he get a payout because he basically defamed him?

Yeah.

Totally slander.

I mean, it's not only his, his character, but also his play.

His, his butthole.

Oh, his butthole.

Yeah.

His butthole.

Yeah.

It stands.

Wait, can you defame the butthole?

You can defame the butthole.

Yes.

Really?

Yeah.

How does it get defamed?

There's the famous, um, butthole v Wade.

There's precedent.

Yeah.

If you're always the president at the high courts, then, you know, that moving forward

can always be referenced.

Wow.

What a wild, like, and for all the sport, say, for all the sport to have this like controversy,

he said, I'm grateful to my attorneys at Ovid and Ovid for believing in me and helping me

resolve the case.

I thought I was interested in meeting at Ovid and Ovid here.

Well, I like to know that my lawyers believe me that I didn't have a.

You could pull out my butthole.

Yeah.

He's like, I'm more of a nipple man.

And they're like, okay.

Play it.

Sidi Amps, Fletch, Vaughn and Ailey.

From the bustling ZM think tank.

This is the top six.

It is New Zealand fashion week.

Some people bloody love this week.

Yeah.

I've been invited to a few shows.

Yeah.

Are you going to win here?

No, because I'm heading off on the seven days live tour, which is a fashion event

into itself.

We've been invited to so many too.

Man.

Have you?

Yeah.

Why?

Colour.

Fashion week.

I go.

Why?

What is it?

I would actually go to that one because what if I got a free as colour t-shirt?

Bloody love.

You know what?

They do the best staples.

Best basics.

The best basics.

Unbeatable.

Yeah.

Unbeatable.

Yeah.

Best basics.

You've got cotton on, cotton on for your jeans.

Cotton on denim runway show.

No, I don't, but I do need to pop in and get another pair.

Well, they're not lasting you, are they?

I keep wearing these lighter coloured ones outside and they get dirty and then I can't

be bothered washing them.

Top six fashion week shows.

New Zealand fashion week should have a true representation of Aotearoa.

Number six on the list, the no colour fashion show.

It's just black.

It's just black clothing.

Yeah, man.

It's slimming.

Yeah.

Very slimming.

Wellington.

It's just a lot of black.

A lot of black clothing.

Not a single colour allowed.

Black sex.

Then you catch a look at yourself in the mirror and you're like, oh, I look like a techie

or a roadie that's moving around in the background of a stage manager.

Stage show.

Number five on the list of the top six fashion week shows.

New Zealand fashion week should have the basics from Glass Ones show.

Oh, yeah.

Just get your basics.

Yeah, singlets.

What have they got in there?

T-shirts.

That's a great place to get your basics.

Yeah.

Number four on the list of the top six fashion week shows.

New Zealand fashion week should have to represent New Zealand.

The Save Mart outfit that smells like an old person's wardrobe.

Oh, I'd love to go to a Save Mart fashion show.

I like a little bit of the musk.

But then you find...

I like the unpredictable nature of a Save Mart.

Are you going to find something or are you going to find nothing or are you going to

find everything?

Well, you find something you love but it's not your size and you're like, oh, just get

it.

You can't.

I'm going to buy it anyway just in case I'm ever a size six.

Even though my bone structure dictates that I won't be.

Yeah.

Because this dress has had one lady owner since the 1960s.

Yeah.

Number three on the list of the top six fashion week shows.

New Zealand fashion week should have the, I just ate a sausage roll in the car fashion

show.

Yes.

Just a very pastry heavy show.

Yeah, yeah.

All the clothes are just covered in buttery pastry.

Yeah.

And then sort of a collection of pastry in the crotch.

Any staining, a few stains?

Maybe a buttery stain.

Yeah.

A greasy stain afterwards of a particularly large piece of pastry.

Lay dormant.

Yes.

In one spot for a little while.

A flick.

Number two on the list of the top six fashion week shows.

New Zealand fashion week needs to have the, didn't you wear that yesterday fashion show?

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

It's a two day event.

It's a two day event.

Yeah, nice.

And the models aren't allowed to get changed between shows.

Yeah.

They just have to chill out out back and then they're like, oh, wear the same thing tomorrow

because I don't really feel like I did too much physical stuff yesterday.

Yeah, I'm not dirty.

Nah.

Maybe I have a white.

Maybe I have a white and a deodorant.

Baby white.

And the number one on today's top six, the fashion week shows.

New Zealand fashion week should have to represent New Zealand is the, everything's a little

bit tight after winter show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Back into the summer clothes and you're like, oh, these have shrunk.

Did these go in the dryer before I put them away for four months?

I think I did a big wash in a very hot dry.

Yeah.

Dry before vacuum passion.

Dry.

We need a little stretchy, stretchy, stretchy, stretchy.

That is today's top six.

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doing vacuuming, hiding clutter away in cupboards, and spraying an air freshener. See that's too obvious.

The candle needs 20 minutes to set. Yeah, yeah. If you do a fresh, like a big spray, that's why we

don't even have spray in our bathroom. It smells like something took a huge dump. Yeah, it smells,

like air freshener to me, smells like poo. Yeah, because it's synonymous. Especially lavender. Yeah,

lavender, lavender, or like fresh linen or like powder, powder fresh. Pine. You know the blue one?

Yeah. It's just like supposed to smell like clouds. Yeah. You're like, no, that smells like

poo's now. Yeah. I sort of do this, but now I reckon things are different now that we've

living in a renovation. Literally everything's dusty. Our lounges and our beds is in the lounge,

and people are in there all the time. I just don't bother. Yesterday the kitchen was a pig's

time. We had one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Nine tradies in the house yesterday.

Yeah, but it's a Reno site. It doesn't matter. I know the kitchen's not. Your wife though hates

a surprise visit. Hates it. More than you do? Well, for different reasons. Yeah. She likes a

clean house, and I just don't like her being at my house. Yes, yeah, yeah. Because my in-laws popped

in unannounced, I might say, at the weekend. Even in-laws should give her heads up. And I mean,

they're fine, and they didn't stay long, and they're very low-impact people.

Well, one set of my in-laws is low-impact. Which one? Which one?

You know, surprisingly, it's the mother-in-law that's low-impact. Yeah.

She's lovely. They're more lovely. The father-in-law is slightly heavier impact. Have you seen that

movie where the asteroid hits the earth? Yep. But more like that. But they popped in unannounced,

and I was like, oh, didn't worry me. But Shadeh was like, I am so sorry about the state of the house.

It's like, the house was cleaned yesterday, and your house wouldn't have been dirty. It wasn't

it wasn't filthy. No. I was like, and I said to her, do not apologize for the state of this house.

And then her mother's like, oh my god, you should, you should see my place. So that's where she gets

it from. Why are we all pretending like we don't have messy houses? Yeah. And it's fine to have

lived in a house. Why does everybody want their house to look like a show home? You're a working

family with two kids, for God's sake. Yeah. Now, Fletch, when your house is a bomb site,

this has got absolutely nothing on the gallon. It's hardly a bomb site ever.

I've never seen your house messy. The only time it's been messy is when I've been leaving,

and I've made a mess. Yeah, I just think we should all just admit that we're all just living our

lives hard and fast, and we can't be bothered cleaning our house sometimes. And if there's

some undies on the floor, oh, that's grotty actually. We'll give a number stay to

as a mother of boys. Yeah, let's say a mother too hard enough. If you've got three boys and you

manage to keep your house in any sort of semblance of a livable dwelling, you've got cleaners.

Even if you've got cleaners, even if you've got professional help,

you've got a nanny and cleaners. Even at that stage. Even at that stage. You've got a butler,

a nanny and cleaners. I will still applaud you because you are living with three tornadoes.

Fletchvon and Hayley.

Today's silly little poll. Quite silly one-sided. Yeah, are you not happy? Very one-sided. You're

not happy with the results. I just thought it might have been a little more even. Did you vote?

Because if you're not happy with the results, but you didn't vote, you don't get to have a say.

Yeah, I can't remember if I voted. Just remembering it's an election year, you know?

What are you, the big orange man? You don't get to have a say. Yeah, I'm trying to take David

Corey's voice over job. Yeah. Well, he took it off. He took it off Lyon or Skiggins. Yeah.

And now I'm coming. So it's only fair that you should steal above him. You can only pick one,

hard lollies or soft lollies, soft lollies, romping in with 88% of the vote. Yeah.

It was not England. No one's here for real, sweet. My mum recently just found out she's

been searching for raspberry drops. Yeah. Like a hard raspberry drop. Yum. Yum. She's found one,

Macy's, and I said to her, oh, I should ask Dave, because Dave next door, of course, works at Macy's.

He keeps the machines running. He keeps the lollies being manufactured. Actually, on that,

you haven't brought in a big bag of lollies for ages. What the hell, man? It's been a little

quiet on the day. I should go see Dave. I just primarily for mum's raspberry drop. Yeah. I'd

be son of the year if I rocked up with a wholesale bag of raspberry drops. Yeah, you would be. But

soft lollies winning. Soft lollies. You bunch of wimps. I love soft tubes. I love the dinosaurs.

If it comes to a jube, if we're talking about the actual jube, it's got to be hard jubes. No,

you can't even find them anymore. There are hard jubes, but not the old Pascale ones.

They got rid of those. I'd go a fizzy Coke bottle, gummy strawberry gummies. Spinning tops.

Sometimes I like you and other times I just don't. Rebecca reached out saying,

I voted soft lollies just because there's so many more options with soft lollies. Well,

we do live in a soft lolly world. We do. But then you've obviously got your diehards that love

a hard lolly. Like Josh. Yeah. Hard for sure. I'd shove an entire packet of soft lollies in my

mouth before I've even realized what I've done. So it's our hard lollies force moderation. Okay.

Erin, hard lollies destroy that top of my mouth. They're too dangerous. Yeah. Well, you've got to

know how to handle a hard lolly. Those ones your mum loves, the raspberry, they can get sharp,

pay those. You know that we remember any hard lolly can get sharp. Yes. So you had those and

then you had the clear acid drops and they were like acid drops. We've had short circuits for

another Burma Revolt. A hard sweet in the 90s, but they were just so sour. They were so hard to eat.

Would we call TNT's soft or hard because they're chewy, but they're hard. Well, you've got to work

their way to being chewy. They're so hard. Zombie chews.

Danielle says, I can't believe I'm witnessing this sort of discrimination in 2023. Why can't we

have both lollies? All right. Yeah. No, you've got to pick one or the other. Yeah.

Steph says, I live alone and I have an irrational fear that I'm going to choke and die on hard

lollies or my cats just sit and watch me. And then Steph, here's a little kicker for it. Your

cats will eat your nose. Yeah. Your cats, we've talked about this and watched a video podcast

with some paramedics and they said, if you live alone or if you die and your cats are there,

they always come in and the cats have eaten the owner's nose because it's the softest part to

start with. No, but I've got the big cartilage collection at the end of mine. They like a chew.

Rolly will love that. Really? Rolly voted hard lollies. So it's like a little chew on a cartilage

knot. We exclusively feed him biscuits. Yeah. He loves the challenge. Leanne says, flavor lasts

longer and hard lollies and just the lolly itself. Yeah. Ah, court says raspberry drops all day.

Yeah, there you go. My mum would 100% agree with that. You should get your mum a big jar of them

for Christmas as a surprise. Yeah, I probably will. I got this in my mind. My spiritual to Dave

actually. Only chocolate I can live without lollies says Dawn. Oh, no. That is not what we

are. You've gone outside of your jurisdiction. Yeah, we're having both here, Dawn. Yeah, we'll

see you on chocolate week. Chocolate, of course, survives. Yeah. And Tessa says, what am I, 80 with

no teeth, eating boiled sweets? Well, yes, actually. Sometime in my late twenties, a

Werther's original really started hitting different, but given the choice, gummy rules.

Yeah. Werther's, Werther's rules. Although you got to be careful. You don't want to do a whole

pack of Haribos. You'll shit yourself. Oh, you're absolutely shit. Okay, keep your pants 100%.

Gwyneth Paltrow has made some outrageous health, you know, tips and hacks and whatnot.

Is she still selling like ridiculous things? Like maybe she had a bread lamp on her website?

A fanny candle. Yeah. There's one of the ones she's pushed is an eight-day goat milk cleanse.

Just have goat milk for eight days. And eat nothing else. Yep. She's wild, eh?

She's a bit crazy, loopy, bit loopy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get stung on the stick.

Full quack, full quack, mate. Get stung on the face by bees, bee sting facial?

No. Everybody says she's really nice. There was a podcast where they started to get into

her and then someone's like, I'm actually going to say she's a very, very, very nice person.

Yeah, right. Do you know she's even told us how to yawn properly? Gently tilt your head back to a

comfortable position and allow your mouth to hang open widely while you gently extend into it.

But you didn't want to, and she got a show, right? Oh, she did like a series, eh? Was it like,

it was streaming, eh? Yeah, Netflix thing. And she went and like explored some of these extreme

health things. Well, she didn't really go and do them. She sent her team to go and do it. Yep.

She also reminded us that we don't want to hurt water's feelings. That's a lot. Water? Okay,

so what's her latest one? Yeah, water. Clean sleeping. Yeah, water. Don't be mean to your

feelings. Yeah. I'm always doing bombs into it and stuff. Sorry, water. Drink it up. Thank you,

water. You're delicious. Weird. That's your drink, by the way. That's more of a drink. No,

it is. You took your lid off yesterday and you is visible mold. Why don't you,

Ted, what song have we got next? How long is it? I'm sick of hearing about this drink.

Three minutes, 38. That's enough time to give it a hot wash and a scrub and then some dish washing.

It tastes like soap. It tastes like soap for the rest of the day. Rinse it hard. I'm worried.

I think it makes me a stronger woman. I can see there's a, certainly a green tinge to that plastic

mouthpiece. Yeah, that's mold. You're manking. Let me alone. Let me alone. Clean sleeping is a new

one, right? And we all know about sleep hygiene where it's like, don't have your phone in the bed

and don't watch screens and have fresh sheets. So this is like clean eating, clean sleeping.

Clean sleeping. Okay. Nine hours at least of sleep each night. I would wake up. I only need eight.

I think I feel like we're all different. Eight. Six is my norm. I'd love seven.

But I did. I got four last night. Four hours. That's because you had a night at the theater.

I had a night at the theater. A night of seafood and theater. I say, so nine hours of sleep each

night. Meditation and yoga before bedtime for an hour. Maintaining a consistent 12 hour fasting

window from the time you have dinner at 8.30 no later to your morning meal at 8.30 a.m. no

late night snacking. You indulge in a foot and head massage to relieve tension before bedtime.

Who's doing that? Who's doing that? This sounds like a full time job. The sleep thing. And then

you have to invest in a copper pillowcase. Now I've heard of copper. Copper. Like copper threads.

I'll copper threads. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What does that do? Just woven through

out. Nothing. Nothing. If you scroll down this article, no science proves that copper pillowcases

will do anything to support your sleep at all. I mean, I guess the points are there, right? Like

have a lot of sleep. This all just sounds like the absolute lap of privilege though. Yeah. If you've

got the time and the money to do all of these things. Animus Zeus. Yeah. Yeah. So you got a

You've got to misuse, you've got to do yoga.

So you stop eating at 8.30, then you've got to do yoga.

How's she getting a nine hour?

Is she sleeping again?

So who's looking after the kids if you've got kids?

Who's making them breakfast?

If 8.30, you're going to make them separate breakfast

and then your own breakfast

because they've got to get off to school.

And this copper pillowcase just does not go

with the theme of the bedroom.

Is she selling the copper pillowcase on her?

Oh, you know she'll be selling.

Goop copper pillowcases.

She'll have a pillowcase special this weekend.

It'll be like $5,000 or whatever she charges.

Get a grip, Gwyneth.

You know, she's really gone downhill since Shallow Howell.

Great film.

Great film.

Are you in a dear eye's eye?

Probably wouldn't get made these days.

I died down at Wood.

Oh, it's a terrible movie.

The message was there.

12 past seven.

Next on the show, a recruiter has a tip

if you're applying for jobs, you're looking for jobs.

The one red flag that she can always pick

and also the question, the most common question

in a job interview that you should always be able to answer.

Interesting.

Got those for you next.

Play ZM's Fletchvorn and Haley.

Well, a recruiter on TikTok has gone viral.

Actually, she's got a lot of great videos.

If you're looking to, if you're looking for jobs,

she's got some great tips.

Are you looking for a job?

No.

Why are you bringing this up, man?

I'm not doing that.

Shotgun not worn.

I'm not pushing the buttons.

You don't know how to push the buttons?

No, I don't know how and I don't want to learn.

I mean, I certainly can't give any advice.

I've never applied for a job in my life.

I applied for one and I think I got the job

because I'm funny and I had cool boots on.

Then I got a job in the clothing store.

Yeah.

Right.

Bring cowboy boots before cowboy boots were a thing.

Oh, right.

So that's what got you the job.

Yeah.

Did you have to have a CV?

I think I did have a CV.

And then when I went on the benefit

after I left drama school, they made me make up a CV

and I was like, oh, yeah.

Menial tasks.

They like to get you busy when you're on the benefit.

They truly did make me work for it.

Well, this recruiter said that a lot of the recruiters,

when they're going through people's cover letters and CVs,

they'll spend about 10 seconds at most.

Right.

So her big tips are including job titles clearly,

the length of each role

and demonstrating consistency in your career.

She wants to see that within 10.

Yeah, but you can't demonstrate it

if you didn't have consistency in your career.

Well, that is what she says is the biggest red flag,

people that jump jobs and they're not there long.

So if she sees that you're only at a job here four months,

then three months, then six months, then four months,

that's a huge red flag.

You're a job jumper.

You're a job jumper and she's skipping over you.

Yeah, fair enough.

They don't want to go to all this effort to hire you

and then you're a job jumper.

The number one question she said

that you should always be able to answer

in a job interview.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

You've come in for what job are you applying for?

Master of puppets.

And I'm going to be a sword fighter.

Okay.

Great.

Are we running a medieval themed restaurant?

Yes.

Sounds like we are.

Okay, so you're applying for a job

at the medieval themed restaurant?

Yeah.

You need to be able to answer the question.

No, role play it.

Role play it.

Role play it.

Is this a group interview?

We come as a duo.

We come as a duo.

We're Will Ferrell and John C. Riley.

Okay, fantastic.

Welcome along to the interview.

Thank you very much for having us.

Excited to be here.

Oh, don't do it in character.

No, don't do it in character.

I'd like you to first of all tell me about yourself

because this is the number one question

you should be able to answer.

Tell me about yourself, Hailey.

My name is Hailey.

I'm five foot 11.

I've got blonde hair and a flicky nose.

I inherited from my granddad.

Currently need to wee a little bit.

And I'm a size,

I fluctuate between a 12C and a 12D.

Okay, I didn't need to know that.

Why not?

You just did tell me about yourself.

I gave you a lot of information just now.

Vaughn, would you like to tell me about yourself?

My name is Lord Gregor Von Hutton's.

And I have a six foot long sword

that I love to drive through this.

The chest plate of my enemies

after vanquishing them in the field of battle.

What would you like to know, sir?

When can we start?

I mean, that's great character work,

but I don't see a lot of restaurant service work here either.

So sorry, the question is...

I'm not serving food like some common pub wench.

I'm here to kill or be killed.

Oh, you're calling a pub wench.

Oh, here we go, here we go, here we go.

I want out of this interview.

But apparently that is the question

that people have a lot of trouble answering.

Tell me about yourself.

Because Vaughn is hell.

And it's also like, what part of myself?

Yeah, and I feel like, especially Kiwis,

we don't like to like, you know,

put ourselves up there, do we?

Yeah.

I'm all right.

Tell me about yourself.

Oh, I am incredible.

I'm incredible in the set.

I'm incredible on the eyes.

I'm incredible at my job.

And I'll be incredible for this company.

Next question.

You've got the job.

You've got the job.

Yeah.

I liked it.

Play ZEDM's Fletch Vaughn and Ailey.

Play ZEDM.

A lot of benefits to being physically fit.

Being hot is one of the least important.

Now Fletch took off his jumper the other day.

And I caught a glimpse of what's happening under there.

Good Lord.

I know.

Didn't his surgery work well?

I know.

You can't even see the scars.

They've hidden the scars.

That's what happened because he's paid top dollar for that.

Yeah, I have.

He's paid top dollar for that.

I have.

Absolutely.

Oh my God.

But pass me the number to your surgeon, please, sir.

This simply cannot be just how it works.

I wouldn't be offended if this wasn't such a compliment.

Yeah, of course, of course.

I know I've wrapped it up nicely, haven't I?

But anyway, I mean, other benefits, better sleep.

I guess a healthy weight is one of them.

Blood pressure.

Also good at combating stress, anxiety, depression.

A lot of reasons to go to the gym.

But a lot of people feel intimidated by the gym.

And they're calling it gym intimidation.

Gym timidity, gym timidity, gym timidation.

Gym timidation.

It's feeling intimidated by the gym for whatever reason.

Maybe you don't feel that you're fit enough.

You know what I mean?

Some people are like, I can't go to the gym.

I'm not fit enough.

And you're like, but then how are you going to get fat?

That's it, man.

You've got to know that people aren't looking at you.

They're on their own bloody gym journey.

The gym timidating part about my gym is the stairs up to it.

Because I sleep so easy.

I mean, if you do legs, you're coming down.

What have I done?

Yeah, I'm out of breath now.

Was that enough?

And stop the watch.

And that was my workout.

Well, here are some tips that you can use to help get over

your gym intimidation.

Well, I knew people that are intimidated by the gym.

Well, we've been trying to recruit a friend of ours

to come into a class.

And he was like, no, everyone's going to laugh at me.

It's like, no one's even looking at you at the gym

unless you're hot and then compliment.

Exactly.

I can't wait to catch someone staring at my dumps.

I sometimes my mouth hits the floor.

And I'll be like, that guy with the shoulders the other day,

I was like, this guy walked past us.

And he was just like, ugh.

No, he wasn't my type.

He was far too clean and not bearded.

But his shoulders were just bubbly.

Yeah, but you weren't subtle about it.

No, but I don't want to be.

I want to be like bravo.

Adoration.

Yeah, sometimes I'll see a real small check up

in the women's gym, leg press in like 100 kgs.

And I'm always like, good on you.

Not that they need my validation, but just.

But you're always too busy doing my own thing.

I don't notice, you know, like you say, someone's hot.

But you don't, you're just doing your own thing.

Like if you're in a class,

you're just like dying quietly by yourself.

You're just like.

Your own little death corner.

Well, here are some tips to help combat gym intimidation

from some health experts around the world.

Shop around is a good one.

Gyms come in many different shapes and sizes.

Of course, you've got your like female only ones

or your boutique ones or your CrossFit gyms

or your class based gyms like Liz Mills.

I mean, if your intimidation is not for you,

perhaps CrossFit's not for you because that's full on.

They scream at you.

Everyone's screaming at everybody's high fiving.

It's all.

No, I think, I think people are welcoming.

Yeah, they are.

It's a royal commuted happy clapper sort of welcoming.

And then you need to shop around.

Then you want to go to a cheap fun gym.

If you're into cults, if you've got a history of falling

for cults, then those are probably right.

Oh, right.

It's a family environment, you know.

Yeah, like Haley made a new friend at the gym the other day.

JJ, what's up?

Oh, it's a wine company.

Not Scandal Queenie.

I can find, no, Scandal Queenie wasn't in our class.

Oh, another one.

Yeah, but yeah, just shop around.

If you walk into a gym, you're like, it's real grunting.

You're like, this is not my vibe.

Maybe find a yoga studio.

Maybe find something else.

Dress for success.

You want to wear clothes that you feel good in.

This doesn't mean like spending a whole bunch of money

on like the latest, Nicky or Adidas.

It's going, what do you feel comfortable in?

If you're someone who's not wearing a crop top

and other people are wearing crop top,

you want to wear a big T-shirt?

Wear a big T-shirt.

But that could be part of the gym termination.

You don't have all the brands or you don't, you know.

You don't need the brands.

Just wear whatever you're comfortable in.

Oh my God, my PT is always like, wow,

there's that singlet again.

Just.

But in a funny way, because like I've,

I haven't got new gym clothes for a long time, you know.

I always rock my comfy faves that I like.

Yeah, watch the nipples though.

So they can get worn down on a cotton tee.

I saw somebody in it.

I've got the bra.

Yeah, true.

Saw someone in a warrior's top of the gym now that they know.

Whoa, one must always up the was.

Up the was.

And rip the was, but there might be a more fitted

sort of like practice singlet that might be better

for the gym because easier on the nipples.

Yeah, of course.

Very hard on the nipples are rugby jersey.

This is one I've always done

when I've gone to a new gym or moved cities.

It's asked for an orientation.

Cause you can go, they're free.

You just go in and, no, why not?

Why don't we do?

I'd leave me alone.

I like it.

Cause then they show you all the good stuff.

They absolutely pester you

if you give them your actual phone number.

Yeah.

I love orientation when you're just like looking

to use it short term.

I do that.

If I go to Australia for like a weekend

or a long a week or whatever,

you just pretend you've moved there

and get a five day free trial

and be like, bye.

And then leaders.

No, but if in orientation, you can also go,

you could do it if you've been to the gym,

but you don't know how to use some of the machines,

which is part of intimidation.

Right?

You're looking at them like wonder what you do.

And you don't just climb on and have a play

cause then you're intimidated that people are watching you

and being like, she doesn't know.

Yeah.

So if you just go to PT and be like,

can you show me around some of the machines?

It's free.

And then you know.

Yeah, nice.

Go with friends or in a group.

That way sort of disappearing.

And there's a person there being like,

well, they're not judging me.

So I'll just hang out with them.

You know?

I mean, you don't judge me when I'm struggling and doing.

Why are you laughing?

Why are you laughing?

If she says you don't judge me

and then you have a big shitting grin on your face.

I'm not.

I only judge you when you don't turn,

when you cancel and don't show like yesterday.

Oh, like yesterday when I was like,

I'm going to go to lunch with Madeleine Sami instead.

And we had beer.

The last one is to consider non-gym options.

If it's too much and you're like,

that environment is not good for me.

And I don't, it's too much.

And it's preventing me from working out.

Other things, running, walking, cycling, swimming,

you name it, you can try something else.

There you go.

Get over your gym intimidation.

Gym intimidation, gym intimidation, gym intimidation.

Or just don't go.

Or you could try my diet.

Which is lunches.

Which is be like, man, I'm going to go.

I just need to wake off and do lunches and beer instead.

It's fun.

Now I don't use this term lightly,

but some dipshit on TikTok.

Strong words, Vaughn.

Some more on.

Some idiot has said they're not getting there.

Born back was they put a hot fry pan down on the carpet

and it sizzled the carpet.

That'll bloody do it.

Tell you what.

That'll require a whole replacement.

Unless you know a carpet person.

Carpet layer.

This has gone viral on the,

have you ever seen when they cut out a bit of carpet?

Now you have to be a topless carpet.

Oh my God.

Oh, you've seen this.

And they patch the carpet and they match it

so you can't see the join.

And you're always like, I'm going to see the join.

I'm going to see the join.

Even if you've ever ripped up carpet, like, oh my God,

there was a join here.

There was a join here all along.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How does that happen?

Staples.

Skill, man.

Skill.

Galu and staples.

Skill.

Yeah.

But shout out to it.

Yeah, shout out to our carpet layers.

Shout out to, shout out.

You're always on your knees.

Yeah.

Yeah, man.

There's a lot of time on your knees.

It's like they have knee pads.

They've got their knee pads.

And they've got that little thing that they

boot with their knee into there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ouch.

Anyway.

It's a great job.

Now they're doing the Lord's work.

So we can have warm feet.

They'll be needed.

After this.

Well, this idiot bought a hot fry pan on a carpet

and sizzled the carpet.

It's like, I guess I'm not getting my bond back.

This has gone viral on TikTok.

Yes, I saw it.

That's silly.

I mean, I've lost my bond from carpet.

I've shared before.

I had spray painted something and just

put a small bit of newspaper and spray painted

and then there was just a square of black spray

paint on the carpet.

Damn.

Yeah, but it was fine because after that,

then we used to have parties and people would just

drop your sticky butts.

Doesn't matter.

It's gross.

It's gross.

The next day, that house.

That house.

And that is so gross.

But it could be carpet.

It could be curtains.

It could be your mate, Robzie, putting his head

through the wall just to completely not mention

an actual event that happened in 2002.

It sounds very specific.

My whole street, Malval Hamilton, 93 as I recall, 93.

And you don't get your bond back.

Yeah.

What you'd like to take some calls.

Of why you didn't get your bond back.

OK.

Oh, God.

Because they can't bond you.

They can't bond you for wear and tear, right?

They can't hold your bond for general wear and tear.

It has to be damage that needs to be repaired.

But if you sell a tape to Patty Smith post to the wall

and the pain all comes off.

Then they've got you there.

They've got you there.

They've got you there.

Yeah, I don't think I've actually ever received a bond

back before I got with Aaron.

I've always.

I've always.

Aaron sorted me right out because he knows how to paint

and patch.

He's straight and sharp.

Yeah, right.

Because I used to just rip things off and be like,

oh, OK, I should have used BlueTac.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You've got to be careful with BlueTac.

That'll pull the paint off too.

It also leaves a bit of oil stain.

Yeah, it can.

You can't win.

How am I supposed to customize my home?

Please don't put up posters.

It's a non-poster house.

But how am I supposed to let people know that I'm edgy and funky

and cool?

Are your bedspread?

Yeah, true.

You're going to bedspread.

You could have done that.

You could have done that.

That's why I had a Bob Marley bedspread.

Yeah, let it know there.

And that thing sells some ass.

That thing sells some action.

OK, we want to take your calls.

I'll 800 dals at M96696.

Why didn't you get your bond back?

They're done with the better, too.

Yeah, yeah.

How about people who have a dog on a hardwood floor

and their landlords don't know they've got a dog

and at the end of it, the dogs scratch the hardwood floor

with their claws.

And they're like, we don't have a dog.

The landlord is like, what did all this?

Well, see, how it smells like dog.

This whole house needs to be sanded.

The dog is right there.

That's a dog.

No, that's my child.

That's a dog.

Also, the landlords have driven past without telling you.

And they've seen your dog.

They've seen your dog.

100%.

If I was a landlord, I'd drive past all the time.

And I know that's against the law.

No, it's not against the law.

Isn't it?

No, to go in is without the proper warning is OK.

But if you walk past, you could literally

stand looking over the fence.

You're not on the property.

Oh, my God, that's terrible.

You're not breaking the rules.

If I was a landlord, I'd fly a drone outside their house.

Are you allowed to do that?

Is that allowed?

If I was a landlord, I'd have cameras inside the house,

just constantly streaming what was going on.

My house, my rules.

OK, all 800 dials at M is our number.

Give us a call.

You can text through 9 6 9 6.

Why didn't you get your bond back?

Syrians, Fletch, Vaughan and Haley.

Not getting the bond back.

And we want to know from you this morning

why you didn't get the bond back.

Yeah.

Some great stories coming through.

Let's go to Jacqueline.

Jacqueline, why did you not get the bond back?

I ruined carpet.

What wasn't necessarily me.

But my two, she might have been two or three.

She was out of nephews anyway.

And she had a sore tummy.

And she said I needed to go toilet.

But we didn't make it.

And I was carrying her running as a runny poo was coming out

of her like a cat.

All the way from the lounge through the hallway.

It was just a big trail of runny poo and stuck.

And it was only an hour before we were moving out.

Oh, Jacqueline.

An hour before they were bringing people around,

a bunch of people to look through the house.

And it could poo away.

It's so yellow and like staining.

Oh, God.

It was a different thing.

Sure, over time, one could get that out of the cupboard.

But as you say, it was only just before.

Yeah, so what did you have to do?

And then I freaked out, scrubbed, and spread and made it worse.

Oh, no.

You got shit carpet.

Oh, no.

So did that replace the whole carpet?

Pretty much.

So I was like, I think I owed them money.

But I think they just let me.

They took the bond and you owed.

Oh, no, Jacqueline, thanks for your call.

Sandy, why did you not get the bond back?

So we were having a party at the flat.

We didn't have any balloons.

So we thought we'd blow up some condoms

and hang them from the ceiling for decoration.

OK.

And somebody decided to light one with a lighter to pop it.

But they don't actually pop.

They catch on fire.

Don't they?

Yeah, yeah.

And so it caught fire to the ceiling.

And then it was tripping burning condom onto the carpet.

And it was the carpet.

Sandy.

Dripping burning condom onto the carpet.

Yeah.

So the ceiling's burned.

Who would be a landlord?

Oh, my God.

And the carpet's burned.

And did you lose all the bond?

Yes.

And our friend was trying to pass it out

with his foot on the carpet.

He ended up with burns on his foot.

And he had to go to the doctor for it.

And the doctor was like, how did you get the burn?

So he's like, you wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Yeah, and I just, I can't even get into it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

You're not getting the bond back after that.

Play it.

ZM's Fletch Von Analy.

Talking about the times when you didn't get the bond back.

Yeah.

Because a flat has gone.

Because you were a nightmare.

Yeah.

That's why you didn't get it back.

Well, you're speaking from experience.

Yeah.

A flat's gone viral for putting a frying pan

down on the synthetic carpet and burning a hole.

What happened?

Yeah.

No bond back.

We had tenants and we didn't return their bond.

As I'd stained the carpet, pulled paint off the walls,

had played darts in the lounge.

Get swore.

And we're just general massive assholes.

Yeah.

I don't know if that's a box to tick on the board.

Have you ever played darts in the lounge?

Or at least try to fill in the holes?

It's quite easy to just get some filler.

Yeah.

But it's harder to fill hundreds of little holes

than it is to fill one big hole.

One big hole, yeah.

You probably best to cut all the jib out.

You can shed up the jump master.

Wow.

They play darts in the lounge.

No, not going to skip master.

I could fix that.

My cousin had a guinea pig on her flat for three years

from the landlord.

Just covered the cage in blankets

when they come around to do the inspection.

But aren't they like, I'm covered right now.

I'm a guinea pig.

We had a house party in my early 20s,

lived with a heap of mechanics.

Someone kicked over an old oil can in the backyard

and it glug, glug, glug, glugged onto the lawn.

And then everyone trampled through it

and into the house for hours.

But it was dark and no one realized until the next day

and all the carpet was absolutely ruined.

You can't get that out.

No, you're not getting your bond back.

My partner did the exact same thing

with a hot tray from the barbecue to the oven.

And was like, oh, I haven't opened the door.

Put it on the carpet when an oven door came back.

No.

And what he did was he shaved the carpet down

with the shaver he used to shave his face.

Shave the carpet down and then a professional carpet cleaner

in when we left.

And they didn't even see it.

Oh, OK.

We got our bond back.

And then he said to me, do you know what happened a few years

ago because he didn't want to get towed off at the time?

But they got away with it, Scott Free.

Oh my god.

We didn't get our bond back because we

burnt the garage down.

Olivia, why didn't you get your bond back?

It was actually my mother-in-law who

you know those automatic fly spray things that you buy.

And one day she had it turned the wrong way.

Oh, yeah.

Into a wall.

And it sprayed against the wall all day

and left this patch of weird texture on the wall

where it had sprayed.

What basically had made it soggy, made the plasterboard soggy.

I corroded it.

There is a corrosive.

We've had it squirt on paint before,

and it does eventually strip paint.

Yeah, it was like kind of lifted it

and like was all weird and wiggly and wiggly.

Cool that we're breathing that in, eh?

Cool that we're breathing that in all day.

Yeah, I tell you who else is breathing in, then pesky fly.

Yeah, and my cat.

Yeah, good.

And so she didn't get the bond back.

She didn't because I guess they argued that they

had to repaint the wall.

Yeah, well, there's probably a hole in the wall.

It costs much.

Yeah, sometimes when they ask for like X amount of money,

they're taking the purse.

Taking the purse, yeah.

Olivia, thank you.

Couple of messages.

I didn't get my bond back because I had an indoor marijuana

set up in one room, and I went to jail and...

It'll do it.

Man, it'll do it.

I did ask for it, but apparently they used it

to cover the couple of weeks rent.

They needed to get the place tidied up when I was in jail.

Oh, man.

And then New Tenants.

That's quite funny.

That is funny. Sorry, you went to jail and stuff, but...

Yeah, so yeah.

Well, then we're doing something illegal.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm trying to make more money off growing tomatoes

and then you would drugs.

You wouldn't have, I mean, you got it.

Taylor Swift, Cruel Summer.

It's your eight o'clock Taylor Swift song.

Midday, Georgia has the next song to help you win

those tickets to see her live.

Girl math, girl math, girl math, girl math.

I forgot to dance.

You forgot to dance.

I'm gonna shake it.

I was eating a biscuit.

Does that count?

You already had a little dance when I asked Vaughn

to give me a little something when he was changing his t-shirt.

In the end, you really gave it to me.

I gave her a full, I gave her everything.

We're wearing girl math t-shirts that say it's basically free.

That's right, because that is the essence of girl math.

We've never made a promise.

We'll get each item down to free, by the way.

Sometimes it just winds up that way.

Sometimes it's just basically free.

Yeah.

Sometimes it's basically free.

Sam joins us this morning.

Good morning, Sam.

Now, you need the girlies to justify a purchase using girl maths.

Yes.

Now, I'm looking at this purchase.

I actually own these.

Tell us what you want.

I want some Doc Martin sandals.

Yeah.

OK, we're coming.

You know, it's going to be spring this weekend.

Aaron calls these my orthopedics.

They are like very chunky.

You don't want to go a Birkenstock instead, Sam.

Oh, God, the common person here.

I'm so sorry.

I really apologize about that.

It's forgiven.

How much does?

Because I'm on number one shoes.

No, they'll give you free delivery

if you order over $100 of the shoes.

They don't have the yellow stitching

that says that it's Doc Martin's.

And I bet you they won't be leather.

And if they are, they won't be as high quality as the Doc there.

You like your ones, but they are chunky, though.

They're very, very chunky.

Are you a tall girl, Sam?

I'm five at nothing.

Oh, yeah, babe, you need a bit of chunk.

You're a giant.

Yeah, OK, OK.

Well, I know they are.

Let's bring in the girlies.

Karween.

Hello.

Shanon.

Good morning.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

Yes.

Because I believe you've done a bit of you've looked at these sandals.

You like them?

Absolutely.

I'm debating putting them in the cart now.

Oh, we might have done a bit of a girl, Sam.

I'm easily influenced.

Hang on, don't do that, because now we're already running at a loss.

OK, so we're going to factor in your girl, Matt.

True.

You're a separate case.

Hey, dude, dude, dude, stop girl, Matt.

I just found them number one shoes.

Felicia.

They're the sandals.

80 New Zealand dollars.

And they got a chunky heel.

Oh, they're so ugly, Sam.

Oh, my God.

OK, OK.

What about some hush puppies?

We're talking comfort.

Doc Marnons is partly about the cred.

And I get it, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know if you know this.

I've never bought Doc Marnons before.

You've never bought Doc Marnons before?

Never.

It'll be my first ever.

We all, the three of us rock a dock.

Yeah, I'm wearing mine right now.

We love a dock.

And they last forever.

That's the thing with Doc Marnons is you make this purchase.

I'm sure the girlies are already going

to be breaking this down per use.

OK, well, how are we going to do this with GirlMath?

Right.

So let's start.

There are summer shoes, really.

So let's take into account how many days we have in a summer?

Ninety.

No, I would argue this.

I've worn it in winter with a sock, but you carry on.

Just at a minimum, you know?

Yeah, at a minimum.

That's 90 days.

Global warming.

I reckon you can add at least another 30 days.

We're playing conservative this month.

We don't want them to come down on us.

Some people are saying GirlMath is frivolous.

So we're trying to be more conservative.

Yeah.

So 90 days of summer, I feel like with the Doc Marnons,

you've got at least five years of wear in them.

Min.

Minimum.

So that's five years times 90 is 450 days.

Yeah.

Now, the average Kiwi does 7,000 steps a day.

Oh, wow.

Impressive.

So if we're working that down to steps,

you will walk in these shoes, 3.15 million.

We divide the cost of the shoe, which is only 280,

by the amount of steps you're doing it.

We're talking 0.0009 cents per step.

You're telling me that's basically free.

That's basically free.

Well, per step, I didn't know you were going

to break it down there at five.

Yeah, and we could even then divide by two,

because a step, you know, we could go by foot.

Yeah, right.

So we are assuming, I mean, do you

feel like you're going to thrash these,

or are you going to save them for special occasions?

I feel like I'll thrash them in the summer.

OK, so we're going 90 days.

What part of the country do you live in?

Wellington.

And you can't date it on a good day.

Yeah, but that one good day.

No, there's like four in the summer.

Four good days.

Very wet, and you're not supposed to get either wet,

aren't you?

No, but Wellington is very much a sock sandal city.

Like, you can fashion this, and you know fashion is fashion.

You can wear a sock with this.

Do you know what?

You could wear stocking with it.

Yeah, you could wear a stocking.

You could wear a stocking.

You could wear a jogging.

You could wear anything with these.

OK.

Do some blocking.

Because I own these, I've got a bit of,

it may deter you to buy them.

But then I might bring you back on track.

Because I own these shoes, and I wore them to a,

well, I wore them to a tonguey.

There you go.

I did, I wore them to a tonguey.

Yeah, strange choice of shoes.

It was a summer tonguey.

It was a summer tonguey.

Go barefoot then.

It was a summer tonguey.

Now, that's a formal shoe.

We could even break down that purse here.

Did you take them off outside the mario?

Did you, surely you took them off?

But when we were outside of the picnic afterwards,

I did not wear these into a mario,

and I recommend no one does.

But I actually took a tumble in them.

They're a bit loose.

Now, I will give you a heads up, Sam,

that the buttonholes on these can run for a wider foot.

Now, I'm a narrow foot.

Long, but narrow.

Skinny foot.

Wow.

Skinny foot.

So I took a tumble, and I twisted my ankle, right?

I was fine, but I don't know, Sam,

being smaller, I'm going to imagine that she's,

you may be a bit not as built like a rock as I am.

Yeah.

So you might take it.

It's just less of a fall to the ground, isn't it?

Less of a fall to the ground, but you might break your ankle.

Now, I've looked up a number of cases

where people have sued shoe companies

for injuries caused by their shoes

being unstable or not fit for use.

Now, here's an example of a woman.

She sued a company for $10 million

for misleading customers on the safety

of their shoes.

You may think it sounds ridiculous.

She won $3.5 million of it.

And that's in the United States.

Now, I hate-

Yeah, we've got ACC.

You can't do that here.

I wouldn't negate that.

Yeah, but ACC, now you're going, now you're getting,

OK, well, I was trying to get you $3.5 million, Sam.

Sorry, but the boys are poo-poo there.

But if you're going to ACC, when I go to ACC,

I chuck a few other things in there.

You can't do that.

You know what I mean?

So you were saying now-

But I twisted my ankle-

That she could get free physio.

I twisted my ankle.

Now, they seem to get physio.

We can get your shoulder fixed.

You can get your neck fixed.

You can get your arm fixed.

You can get that funny knee fixed.

Now, you're getting hundreds and hundreds of dollars

worth of physiotherapy sessions free,

all because you bought these Doc Martens sandals.

I might even check my tooth on the way down.

Now, we're getting veneers.

Now, we're getting veneers.

We're getting Invisalign.

We're getting veneers.

She can't go about her life with a mandreled mouth.

This is Sam we're talking about.

Somebody's messaged in saying,

are you after the Blair III sandals?

No, not the Blair III.

Oh, okay.

Because they're on sale at the moment.

No, it's the Miles.

It's the Miles.

It's new season, Hon Keeper.

It's fashion.

Oh, sorry.

So now, look, I'm going to go,

you got a year of ACC physiotherapy appointments.

How much, Fletch, you go to physio.

How much is your-

Oh, you pay 20 and then the ACC's the rest.

Okay, so you're going,

you're going say $20 times.

How many appointments are we going to do this year?

We say 48.

48 appointments.

Now you've got $960

minus $279.

You've made 183 bucks.

I don't know if you have.

Now you've made 183 bucks.

You can get these sandals and Vaughn's shit sandals

twice over from number one shoe warehouse.

Now she's got three pairs of shoes.

If you break down three pairs of shoes at per step,

I mean, it's just ludicrous.

And almost a daily physio.

Yeah, and a daily physio.

You can get a massage in there,

get the knots out of your neck.

I mean, you woman and have new shoes.

Yeah, there you go, Sam.

You've got to get the shoes, Sam.

It's basically free.

It's not basically free.

She's in the profits, honey.

Boy, this will have silenced the online haters

who said this is frivolous

and also gives woman a bad name when it comes to finance.

I would challenge them to argue with our argument here,

to be fair.

Boy, you've really shown them 17 parts

that next on the show.

Somebody bought an item.

Girl math this one because it doesn't work at all.

Yeah.

They bought the wrong thing.

They did.

Zedem's, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Karwin, our producer,

sitting through a double-pane sound absorbing

and light-reflecting window from us right here.

Yesterday, I made a silly billy purchase, didn't you?

Hey, hey.

What did you want?

Where did you go?

Why were you shopping?

Well, many reasons to go shopping,

just because I felt like it, obviously.

Yeah.

But I needed a new belt.

Mine has snapped.

Oh.

I don't know how.

Is it cheap?

Is it leather?

No, it's actually kind of nice.

Oh, gosh.

They shouldn't just snap.

Give a quick shout out to the AES color belts

that I have put through how on high weather.

What are they?

Are they fabric?

Not like a leathery thing.

Okay.

A leathery thing.

I don't know.

I just want that genuine leather.

Shout out just for containing you.

Just for holding me in.

Yeah, okay.

Holding the pants up.

See, I don't wear belts anymore.

I just got fatter.

And then my pants don't fall down.

The gut belt.

No, that's a free belt.

It's a gut belt.

Did I just girl mat my weight gain?

The internal belt.

Yeah, you did.

You're saving on belts.

Yeah, man.

Well done.

Okay.

Well, I need one.

Also for fashion purposes,

sometimes it ties in the out for anyways.

You love a big belt buckle.

Am I correct in saying that?

You love a huge, sort of like-

Harley-David's like an eagle.

Yeah, Harley, yeah.

Real patriotic American belt buckle.

I do have a Harley-David's one, actually.

But anyways, I-

Did you get rid of your Confederate flangway?

She kept coming in there and we were like-

Yeah, she doesn't want it to work.

She doesn't want it to work.

Okay.

Anyway.

You can't control what she doesn't have a personal life.

Yeah, no, you can't.

Yeah.

Anyway, so I went in to Kmart

because I was like, that's gonna be cheap.

And if it's bad, it doesn't matter, right?

It was cheap.

And as I walked out of the store,

I went, that's actually quite a weird length,

but it'll be fine.

Wait, you didn't unhook it and go wrap it around the hips.

In the middle of the store?

No.

I always do that with a belt.

Yeah, you have to.

My hips are deceptive.

If look it out like you're Indiana Jones with a whip,

and then around you go,

and you've got to have a few holes either side.

Yes.

For the yo-yo.

Nah, I was in a rush.

And I just was like, this'll do.

And I walked out of the store,

popped my receipt in the bin, don't need that.

Well, as if I'm gonna return, it was so cheap.

Get to my car.

The massive label says kids.

Were you in the kids' section?

No, it was right next to the women's bouts.

Yeah, that's deceptive.

What drew to the belt?

Was it cute?

Or was it like sparkly with unicorns

and say like, yay, lol dolls or something?

Lol dolls.

There's that sort of thing, I don't know.

No, it's just a classic black with a silver buckle.

But at this stage, you're in the car park.

You could have gone back to the bin and got the receipt.

Oh, is this just rumpeting around the St Luke's Mall bin?

No.

I'm not doing that.

Well, how much are we talking here?

It's spitting season two.

It is spitting season two.

We're in the spitting season.

I've been spitting in bins.

I've been spitting on the floor.

So what?

No, it was only $10.

But $10 feels like a lot to this wave.

$10 a lot?

Oh my god, I've got it.

What about dog collar?

You could wear it as a choker.

No, as a girl who used to wear a lot of dog collars

and chokers, it's a look.

I don't know if it's my look.

Right.

Would you like to bring my look back?

Yep.

Just the other day, I thought it might start

being a bit gossier again.

Yeah, do it.

Like dippatoe.

Yeah, dippatoe back.

Get some pantyhose and cut five holes in them

and put them on arm sleeves.

They were cool, man.

They were good.

It was a good vibe.

I'll take your black belt off you.

It's yours.

Thanks.

We should all have to dress one day soon like we're 17 again.

Oh.

Oh, OK.

I just have the most mish-mash.

There was no set rule for 17-year-old Vaughn's fashion.

He was wearing a Liverpool football shirt,

made of this weird non-breathable material once,

with like really.

You don't even like football.

No, I know.

With really baggy cargo pants.

I don't even know what the shoes would have been.

Oh, we simply must.

But you'll basically be wearing what's in fashion now,

because it's done a full load.

That's what I was thinking about.

Big baggy loose skaters shoes.

I don't care.

I don't care a lot.

Yeah, I saw some teenagers yesterday and I was like,

I said to shut up, I was like, it is so wild

that they are dressing how we dressed.

I know, but not.

And then we were like, well, it's bedtime.

A couple of werthers.

Better take the fall seat.

Yeah, that's sad.

Play ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the Day Day Day Day Day.

Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

Today's fact of the day is another wind fact.

Oh, OK.

Yesterday we talked about the wind.

Heroine Wind Week.

Is it Wind Week?

It's Wind Week here at ZDM.

Is it Wind Week here at Fact of the Day?

It is.

Well, what was Mondays wasn't Wind Related?

OK.

Well, Wind Week does a four-day week.

OK.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're going to do Monday Monday.

It's lazy and working from home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blow away.

OK, so a shortened Wind Week makes my jobs a little bit harder.

Yes.

Yeah, sure.

Well, today's fact of the day, rolled in after yesterday's fact of the day

about the wind socks at the airport.

Yeah, it did blow in.

How hard the wind is blowing.

Did it blow in?

It blew on in.

Thank you.

It rolled, tumbled in like a tumbleweed in wind.

And someone said you should look into the fact that this is my one IOS app

parties, but I've never really looked it up.

So I could be spreading misinformation.

But the wind doesn't really blow.

It is more accurate to say the wind is being sucked.

What?

Wind is air moving from a high pressure area to a low pressure area.

And the low pulls the pressure from the high to try to like make itself

not low anymore.

Yeah, it's like gravity kind of.

Yeah, it's pulling it.

So technically it's being sucked towards the low, sucked or pulled.

Well, sucking is pulling.

Yeah, OK.

You could say I'm going to pull this drink up the straw.

You could say I'm going to suck the drink up the straw.

OK, yeah, right.

So it's it's it's like trying to pull it in itself and sucking users vacuum.

Well, I guess that is a different sort of pull, but pulled towards yourself.

Yeah, right.

So it's it's more accurate to say the wind is is pulling being pulled rather than blowing.

Because you imagine it's like being pushed from behind, pushed from behind

and it's hitting you and you're like, ah, the wind's being pulled from the south.

You could say the south is sucking the wind.

Yeah, there's a fair way the north is sucking the wind from the south pulling it from the south.

Yeah, because you would say it's a it's a southerly if it's coming from the south,

but you would say the north's sucking it.

Yeah, that'd be great for the weather.

Hey, we've got some fine weather here in Auckland.

However, a little bit of wind, the north is utterly sucking the wind.

Yeah, up from the south, up from the south.

And that's why you're getting the colder temperatures

because the wind's been sucked from the south.

Yeah, to the north.

Would you grow up flat?

So I'm just trying to listen to the fact of the day.

You could say that and absolutely be totally correct.

Yeah, OK.

Well, some say it's blowing it, blowing it.

I can't wait for the year tomorrow.

No, it's the west that's sucking.

The west is sucking.

OK. Sucking the wind.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

Sucky Wellington.

That doesn't work as well as Windy Wellington.

I might attempt to find some extremities of wind.

OK, great, great, great.

I love Windweek.

Yeah, Windweek here, in fact, of the day is so great.

We should have a week, we should have week themed weeks more often.

Yeah, we should, we should mark this in the calendar for next year.

Windweek is always the last week of August.

Last week of August is Windweek.

It's Windweek.

Yeah, it is.

It sounds like it's going to be harder and harder to do every year.

You don't hear the people at Discovery saying,

oh, we can't do shark week again.

We didn't like it.

We're always getting sweet new sharks of sharks going,

absolutely bananas on like a diving cage or something.

You're going to have a whole year.

Can't keep up, mate, just say.

I can't keep my head above water here.

If you can't handle the workload, just admit it.

Yeah, look, it's not for everyone.

It's tough, I know.

I really feel like I'm going to overload it.

I need to.

I'm just saying, we're just saying.

Oh my God, let's get merch for Windweek.

Yes, you're going to have a whole year to prepare for next week's Windweek.

We could get someone to come dress the studio with wind themed.

With wind themed, yes.

And have strong fans going.

I can't wait for Windweek.

Yeah, I can earn the same.

Long tease, age.

When is next year?

No, after this year's Windweek isn't finished.

Don't get excited for next year's Windweek.

I know, but I'm already thinking about next Christmas, you know.

Sponsor on board, like someone that does fans.

Oh my God, Dyson.

The people with the big...

Big-ass fans.

No, no, no, no, no.

Winter lines.

Oh, yeah, Meridian.

Meridian, Palmerston North.

Yeah, Palmerston North.

Yeah, Windweek brought to you by Palmerston North.

Brought to you by Palmerston North.

City of Wellington.

We'll get it outside Raglan.

Yeah, we'll give you this one for free.

Yeah, but next year we expect sponsorship and merch for Windweek.

Yeah, lots and so much cash.

It'll make your nose bleed.

So today's fact of the day is the wind is...

It is more, I guess, accurate to say the wind is being sucked

from the wind is being blown.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Play a CDM Splash for the Nailie.

Play CDM.

You've done a little adventure to find...

There's not beading.

Some type of wood.

Skirting.

Not skirting.

Like, that's...

Anyway, it's not important to the story.

No, it's going to annoy you that I can't think of what it is.

Strip of wood, a particular strip of wood.

So this is why you were going to minor 10?

We went to minor 10.

And I don't know, I always feel a little bit VIP

because we go into the trade corner of it.

The gate goes up.

Gate goes up.

I've never been.

Ba-ba-ba-dum-ba-dum.

They play mainstream music.

Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

And then I'll back a trailer.

I'll back a trailer and people stand in the watch

and then you back the trailer right,

and then you look around and it's like,

I ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

But you are not tradies.

How are you allowed in that bit?

Because we spend enough to get a trade account.

Because you're doing renais.

You're doing renais.

And I know Dave.

Oh, my God. We love Dave.

Well, we didn't...

We didn't... We'll introduce it to Dave.

We... We didn't know this though.

You can get a trade account.

What, are you going to take a lime scooter

into the trade department?

Oh, embarrassing.

And then I'll get a call from Dave and be like,

Dave's born to stay here and I'll be like,

you know, man, how are you?

And he's like, not good.

And I was like, oh, no, what's happening?

He's like, the guy you said was all good.

He's not all good, man.

He's not park his lime in here.

You keep trying to take photos of it,

being like it's parked successfully

and it wouldn't let him.

You're trying to tow a trailer with it?

Make such a scene.

Yeah, for my houseplants.

Well, we went into the trade center and we pulled up

and Aaron knows them all by name.

Now he gets out, what are we up to?

G'day, old mate, g'day.

Anyway, but as we were pulling around,

there's one of them there and I was like,

man, I find that dude really sexy.

And Aaron was like, oh yeah.

And I was like, man, I find that...

I find him really hot.

He's a really hot guy.

Then he starts walking towards the truck.

Aaron puts the window down before we park.

And he's like, yeah, g'day, Aaron.

How are you? And Aaron goes, yeah, yeah.

My girlfriend was just checking you out.

She reckons you're quite sexy.

Like straight out.

Who was that?

Is this, what?

Was this Westgate?

Yeah.

Who was it?

Old, no, don't maybe do this.

Oh my God, did you just say, I'm a guy?

Older fellow, Tedoos.

Did you just give a bead?

No, he's a bit like, you're a dumb boy.

He's a real high vibe.

I just saw him there and I was like,

you know, I've got this tradey thing and he just had an energy.

And I said it to Aaron in the secrecy of our car,

and he just, it was like the first thing Aaron didn't even think.

Oh yeah, my girlfriend, he's called me his wife

because it makes us feel more believable or something like that.

And my wife was just checking you out.

Yeah, she thinks you're really sexy.

And I was like,

Because that's embarrassing for him as well.

And then, oh, he just sort of was like, oh,

and then did a little twirl for me.

And I was like, oh, far out, Aaron, what have you done here?

I just can't believe he just came out and said it wasn't,

I wasn't joking.

And then I think that he sort of turned it into a funny thing.

And then I had to make,

but I had to try to pretend like Aaron was joking.

No, I didn't.

Silly, silly Aaron.

But he could definitely tell and then I was blushing.

And then I had to go back there later to find something else.

And I had gone on my own and he was there

and now I'm acting weird around the guy.

Well, now it just looks like you've gone back to checking out again.

Now it looks like I've gone back for seconds.

Well, similar, but not really.

Last week, Georgia Burt,

in an attempt to ruin Kendall Jenner for me,

said, do you know that Kendall Jenner's face

looks like Michael Jackson's?

To which I said, this is ludicrous.

And then her and Briney, who work here,

I've got this theory that Kendall Jenner has Michael Jackson's face.

And then at the weekend, I sent them a picture saying,

now this isn't Michael Jackson.

Is that a picture of Kendall Jenner?

Why are you just Googling on the weekend?

No, it was on my Instagram feed.

I follow her because she's an entrepreneur.

And then Charlotte A said,

can I grab that photo off your phone from earlier?

And she opened it up and there was the Kendall Jenner picture.

So then I had to explain the entire situation to her.

Which I had conversational evidence to back up.

You're on it. I present you evidence B.

But then for the rest of the weekend,

it was like, sorry, I'm not Kendall Jenner.

Oh, I know.

This is what Aaron will do.

He'll be like, do you want to go to Mighty 10? Of course he do.

Of course he bloody do.

And the next time Kendall Jenner will be on TV,

your girlfriend's on TV. Yes.

I don't know how opportunity leave works in New Zealand.

Paternity. Paternity.

So when you have a baby,

you're allowed X amount of time off.

Yeah, basically.

And now I think Cindy

added time to it, didn't she?

The dads can also get some

added paid time off.

And those partners are entitled to one week of unpaid leave

if they've worked for six months

for at least an average of 10 hours a week

or two weeks of unpaid leave

if they've worked for 12 months

or at least an average

for at least 10 hours.

Again, single people get nothing.

When I got my cat, nothing.

Nothing. I would have lived two weeks off.

There's no paid time off. To bond.

You have to take unpaid leave.

I'm only taking it if it's paid. I thought it was paid.

No, no, no. I'm sure New Zealand's

added like three months or something.

No, that was

for the primary care

the primary care of the baby.

Which can be a man or a woman

or anybody.

Yeah, totally. But it's the primary

I'm getting a lot of eyebrows

in the studio because I only mentioned

two genders there. I apologize.

I meant to include everybody.

By all means.

If you're the primary caregiver,

whatever you get that time off, that was extended.

Regardless of

whether it came out of you or not.

But I'm just saying, like for single people

that don't want kids, like if I get a cat

why can't I have three months off

paid? Well listen to this.

Listen to this.

There is a man

who has had

what's it called statutory paternity leave

for four out of the last

five years that he's worked for a company.

In the UK

you're entitled to two weeks of leave

paid

as a father

in the first 56 days of your child

being born at 90%

of your average weekly earnings.

All you need to do is fill out a form

with the due date of the baby when you want your

leave to start and whether or not you want

one or two weeks leave. But you don't have to

provide in the UK

any proof

of the pregnancy or the birth.

So he has

every single year

said he has kids

so now he's got four kids and taken

two weeks off paid

in addition to the leave he already gets.

I love this. Does he just not

have chats with people at work?

Like you know if people at work have babies.

No, you just have to

constantly remember how many fake kids you have.

Well, the way he does it...

Family picnic? No, they're a factory

family picnic. They're away.

He says work have never checked for proof of an actual baby

but just to be safe I've Googled

random babies as my phone

screensaver and I change it every time I become

a dad again.

So he Googles babies, puts them on there

and is like here's the newest addition.

So far he's up to what six weeks free leave?

Two, four, six,

eight weeks. In addition to

his holiday pay.

In addition to his leave he gets to take it

Christmas and whatnot. Wait so is this guy in the news

because he's been found out?

No, there was a confession

like an online confession thread.

Like an anonymous. And then he did this

and everyone was like this can't be true and he was sending

in the info like all the forms and stuff

from the government I guess

in the UK and he was like no, this is it.

You just, you don't have to

have any proof

that a baby was born.

I guess if you sell

a story long enough in advance like nine months out

all my girlfriends

pregnant or my wife's pregnant. Yeah, yeah, exciting.

Oh, how's she doing? Oh, she's got

the morning sickness. Oh my God.

Sorry for a bit time. My wife was up all night

last night spewing. Does she exist?

The wife.

Does she exist?

Oh, there's a thing

that parents always, oh my God, I've got to take them

to the doctor. They're sick again. You know, day cares.

Oh, I know. Now, I'm sorry. I'm going to be

working from home. My wife, she's just

so unwell.

We thought first trimester was bad. God, the second

one, it's terrible. Oh my God, that's quite funny.

It's bloody good. It's genius.

If we could, I don't think we could get away with it.

I just had another baby.

Did you? No, you didn't. Yep.

I had drinks with Shade like a month ago.

Oh, yeah, she didn't. This is the third one.

So you just kind of play a little bit.

Yeah, no, no, you just. She was

really drunk. I mean, it's not.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, the first two are pretty

pretty clever. So you haven't had another baby.

You don't get a holiday.

Hey guys, apparently

being the company's most successful podcast isn't

enough. They want us to tell people

to tell more of their friends.

So people are clearly liking it, but we have to

tell them to tell others to like it. Yeah.

I would concentrate more on the shitter podcast

that the company makes. Yeah, same.

You know, the real losers are the same. Yeah, like, hang on,

I know, we'll just, we won't, maybe we won't say no.

Maybe we should even encourage people to listen

to other podcasts that the company makes.

No, but only after Alves. Yeah.

No, don't do that. And not more than Alves.

Give us a sexy little review though.

ZM's Fletch Vaughan Haley.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.