ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 29th August 2023

The ZM Podcast Network.

The Flesh Fawn and Haley Big Pod.

Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Mac's rewards.

Good morning, welcome to the show Flesh Fawn and Haley.

Happy Tuesday.

Happy Tuesday.

You've just scraped some ice off your car this morning.

I did.

I forgot that I actually have an ice scraper in my glove box

and thank God.

Like a proper one.

Yeah, like...

...float the freezer.

Or a specific car.

A specific...

A specificly for cars.

A specificly for cars.

A specificly for cars.

A specificly for cars.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

It was good.

And then I drove off and then I was like,

Oh, no, it's still not clear.

So I had to sort of stop in the middle of the road.

It was two degrees out my way.

Yeah.

She's a chilli sat across the country today, but...

I got one degree was the lowest part of my drive.

You got a one.

You got a one.

Yeah, you got a one.

Yeah, it's going to be a nice, beautiful day though.

Did you see the moon?

Yeah.

Isn't this great?

What's in retrograde, remember?

No, that's Mercury, you dumb dumb.

No, the moon is too.

I think you've just made that up.

So I think it's all made up.

So it doesn't really matter.

That's the point really, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

On the show today, another...

Well, we've got another double pass to give away

to Taylor Swift.

Sure do.

This afternoon.

You've got to be listening at eight o'clock though

for that first song.

And then at midday with Georgia and this afternoon,

PJ and friends, Maddie McClain,

will have that song at four o'clock.

He's left you a note.

He's actually left me a note

because he uses my microphone.

I didn't get a note.

Much love.

Have a great show, XX Maddie.

That's kind of him.

I'm going to leave him a note.

You sent me some nudes.

But I don't know.

He just sends me those even

when he's not filling in on the afternoon.

Yeah, it's just a service.

That's constant.

Almost a constant stream of nudes from there.

Yeah, it is.

He's doing the afternoons at the moment.

Yeah.

Matthew.

Is he still doing the morning breakfast?

Yeah, he's still doing the television show.

He's working the double ends of the day.

He does have gambling debts.

Oh my God.

He does have gambling debts.

He doesn't have gambling debts.

He does to the worst type of people, too.

The worst type of people.

Yeah.

The top six on the way, it sure is.

What was it again?

The top six more romantic places

to propose in an airport.

Yesterday at Auckland Airport

over the public announcement system,

sometimes shortened to the PA system.

I like the full, I like the full.

The public address system.

Yeah.

A man proposed to his now fiance

as she got off a flight.

A long flight.

Oh my God.

You know how great you feel when you get off a long flight,

not sweaty and drained.

Wafty.

Wafty.

Yeah.

No, it feels great.

Oh no.

To hear a proposal come over the loudspeaker.

God.

Inspired by a Bollywood movie, apparently.

Oh my God.

Inspired by a specific scene in the Bollywood movie.

They've known each other for eight years,

but only been together two months.

Oh, okay.

Wow, you know, you know, don't you?

You know, well, nine years and then

51% of them will divorce anyway.

Oh, let's not get crazy on that.

Celebrating their highs at the moment.

Not their lows.

Yeah.

But I've got the top six more romantic places

to propose at Auckland Airport.

Wow.

Next on the show.

I've got a PSA.

Now that's a public service announcement.

Which also could be done on a PA.

Could be done, I could do a PSA on a PA.

Yeah.

But instead of doing it on the R-A-D-I-O.

Yeah.

On the FMZM.

FM.

And streaming also.

And streaming on R-A-D-I-O worldwide.

It's for dog owners.

So, Vaughn, open your tarting us.

We've got bad news.

Play.

Zedem's, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

I feel like dogs and tennis balls

are sort of synonymous together, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, go down the beach.

Yeah.

But they...

My dogs just destroy them.

They either rip them open.

They just sit there and they go...

I think those tennis balls are airtight.

They'll eventually like pop and then a little hole in them.

Then they'll just work them open.

Then they'll chew them and they'll swallow them.

Because yesterday I picked up...

I'm guessing a winter's worth of dog shit off the lawn.

Because basically, I haven't mowed the lawns for like months.

Yeah.

But I was like, I'm going to clean up all that.

And so many chewed up balls and tennis balls and stuff.

Oh, God.

Oh, yes.

There's this real good brand of dog ball

that lasts for ages.

Is it rubber?

It's like a hard rubber.

Yeah.

Sell them at 9 to 10.

Because there's a vet.

Dr. Finn.

He's a vet who shares tips for dogs and cats and whatnot on Instagram.

Yeah.

And he was like, don't use tennis balls.

Because of their surface, their floofy surface,

they've got a bit of...

What is it?

Like a felt?

Yeah.

What is that?

Is it felt?

I think it is felt.

I think it's felt if you buy the nice ones that come in that Pringles tube

where you pop the top off and then give it a big sniff.

Do you always pop the tennis ball and have a sniff?

Oh, God.

They smell good.

Oh, my God, yes.

Well, that rough surface, because it's kind of grippy,

it collects things like dirt and saliva, right?

It gets wet, and then it collects dirt and sand,

and it makes the ball very abrasive.

And then when your dog's chewing on it,

it's basically grinding down their teeth.

Oh, I don't think so.

You know, like sandpapering their mouth.

But we...

It's like using the gritty toothpaste.

No, no, no, he's seeing it's really bad.

It'll stuff up their gums,

and the teeth will start to look bloody worn down.

Oh.

If you're just doing it all the time,

he was like, it's really big.

He sees it all the time.

Don't use tennis balls.

You've got to use these rubber balls,

which I'm guessing is sort of similar to what you use.

Yeah, chukkits.

That's what they're called.

I've just found them.

Chukkits.

Chukkit.

One word.

Chukkit ultra.

And they're like a harder rubber.

And the grossest thing about tennis balls

is that same felt-y stuff that gets the dirt and stuff

so wet with dog slobber.

So, yeah, you've got to touch it.

Every time you take it out of the mouth,

they drop it.

So it's known as the nap,

the fuzzy stuff on a tennis ball.

It's called the nap.

And it's a textile material made of wool, nylon, and cotton.

Yeah.

Gets floofy, doesn't it?

And then it gets floofy, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I always wonder, you know when you watch the tennis

and you see them and the ball person

gives them one, two, three balls,

and they'll always chuck one back,

one in the pocket, and one to play with.

Yeah.

What are they looking for?

You know, they always inspect the ball.

They're like, ah, not that one.

They're looking at the floof.

Because normally they'd always have a good,

they'd always be new and nice, wouldn't they?

Fresh from the tube.

Fresh from huffing the tube.

Yeah.

And maybe they know something we don't know.

Well, it's maybe like a rough spot or a spot

that's been hit really hard or maybe a bit uneven.

I'm going to get back into tennis soon.

And when I say back into it,

remember, I bought a racket and I played once.

And the linear are really, really bad.

Well, the weather's going to start getting better

any time now.

Well, you've got a tennis court right by your house.

Like a free one.

I know.

Yeah, I know.

I'm going to get back into it.

I'm going to become, I don't know, Wimbledon 2029.

You'll be 40, will you?

No, I'll be 39.

Oh.

No, well, I'll turn 40 at the end of the year.

Just before, yeah.

Wimbledon happened just before you.

Okay.

Roger Federer won when he was 36.

He had a good run in though, didn't he?

He did, yeah.

Are we starting at 33s too?

What's the latest you say?

It's the oldest.

Roger Federer.

I don't want to pepper you.

I don't want to pepper your Wimbledon dream.

Yeah, but what if I'm a natural?

But what if I'm a natural?

What if it was my God-given gift?

Yeah.

I always think about that.

Like, what haven't you tried that you would have been

instantly amazing at?

Yes.

That you would have could have been world-class at

just by default.

But you'd never tried it.

Yeah.

Could be a curler.

Oh, yeah.

I've never been on the ice to lob one of those cooling.

Serena Williams was the oldest.

How old was she?

That was in 2016.

It doesn't say her age at that stage.

Which Serena was it?

Serena.

Sorry.

Which Serena?

I heard, but I had no idea.

She was born in 1981.

So she would have been 35.

Yeah.

In 2016.

She was 34 and nine months.

34, yeah.

So I'm sorry.

I don't want to.

No, it just means I've got to get to Wimbledon earlier.

You've got to move your training forward to today.

You've got to start training today.

Didn't you play one game and then just go home and...

Yeah, the ball kept going over the net.

We kept hitting it too high.

It's a real, like...

It's hard.

It's real hard to get at the right height.

It's got to flat.

Because if you go too low, it hits the net.

And it hurt your back.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

A lot of lunging, too.

Really hurting your back during the lunging and the tennis.

You chased your dreams.

Thank you.

We're not here to stand in your way.

Yeah, thank you, actually.

Thank you.

Keep us updated.

Wimbledon, Federer.

Well, a travel blogger.

This tip that she has shared has gone viral.

Because a lot of people don't bother with this thing.

And they end up losing their bag.

How do they do this?

It's taking off the little barcode stickers.

I hate those.

Because, you know, they put a main tag on your bag.

Yeah.

Although, if you're doing...

Do you ever do it when you're doing self-serve,

the self-check baggage?

Nah, but you're supposed to.

Are you supposed to take off a little bit of...

There's two little ones, and you're supposed to stick one

to your boarding parcel, whatever.

Take that.

Take that with you as a person.

One on your suitcase and one on the handle.

So, if the one comes off the handle,

the one on the suitcase is still identifiable.

Yeah.

You're scanned as to who it belongs to.

But the thing is, people leave those.

If you're travelling, if you're doing a big trip somewhere...

It'd go multiple destinations.

And you're going, yeah, you're taking, like, 10 flights

over the course of, like, a month or whatever.

A lot of people will take off the main tag on their handle.

But they'll leave the little barcode on the suitcase.

Right.

And sometimes the bags will just be going along.

And they'll just get scanned on the little barcode.

And that can cause a bit of a confusion.

Oh, because you're at the wrong...

Yeah, right.

Because now you're at another airport.

And this bag's, like, well, this bag's going to there.

Confusing.

Confusing.

It is confusing.

I hate...

I'm one of those people that gets off the plane,

gets my bag, or rips everything off.

Straight away.

Even the little sticker.

Straight away.

All of them.

Even the little sticker.

Yeah, I get the big one.

That's gone in the airport bin.

And then the little ones.

Oh, wow.

Now, that hangs around till next trip.

Yeah, no, I hate it.

I just...

There's something about it.

I've just developed a thing.

I'll mostly do that when I'm home.

Not at the airport.

Yeah, no.

I don't want that.

Am I taking up my precious bin space?

Yeah, I never...

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I never put a suitcase away with the tag still on.

That has to come off.

Do you?

You do.

You just leave it there.

He leaves it.

All right, you're a bit of a mess.

No, I'm a mess.

You're an absolute mess.

I'll leave it on there.

Do you know what I saw yesterday?

Two people were wheeling their suitcases through the city, and they were pink, like pink suitcases.

Not Barbie.

The Kmart ones.

Not the Kmart ones.

I thought you meant it was pink.

Oh, my God.

No, no, no.

She's got people to do that for her, too.

And they had the big sticker on each on their suitcase that said expandable, like with

an arrows.

Like, it's the sticker that's in the store.

Right from the store.

Yeah.

But they've been, they've left them on.

It was one of those expandable suitcases that zips out, but they left the sticker on, promoting

the suitcase.

And I was like...

Mine expands.

Some people that leave their energy rating stickers on their TVs and fridges and washing

machines.

Yeah, because you can't leave it on too long or they'll never come off.

They'll never come off.

I know.

And I'm just like...

I hate when I see a suitcase.

The washing machine and the dryer for some reason, I'm like, oh yeah, I see why that's on

there.

But the fridge?

The fridge?

Yeah.

It's right there.

Take it off.

I love removing a sticker.

But those stickers are hard.

The energy saving stickers are very hard to get off.

You've got to get one of those.

Dissolve it.

Yeah.

You know those spray bottles.

Spray bottles.

The spray is getting off.

Yeah.

Orange citrusy spray.

Play it.

ZM's, Fletch, Vaughanale.

Mars.

Mm-hmm.

Not only a delicious chocolate bar, and I won't have a word set against it.

It's...

Nuggety, Caramely, Middle.

It's not enough crunch.

You've got snickers over a Mars.

Snickers always.

I've got my snickers over a Mars.

Snickers over a Mars.

Yeah, thank you.

No, I just want to make sure you're on the same page.

Yeah.

I've got a picnic.

I'll go picnic over snickers.

Because it's crunchier.

You can't get enough of that crunch.

It's a mess.

Well, then what about a crunchy bar?

The crunchiest of all the bars.

I'm going to go crunchy over the picnic.

So you...

We've found her rating criteria.

It's the crunch.

Yeah.

Huh.

Interesting.

But then I stick a perky nana.

Wow.

The ultimate uncrunch.

There's no crunch there.

Zero crunch.

Zero crunch.

What about the chocolate bar, the planet?

Scientists have been running...

Well, how they describe it as an AI sims for scientists.

Okay.

But the sims are living on Mars.

Right.

And they've been running...

Now, this is all...

If the base is already built, it's maintaining...

It's living on Mars.

It's doing your basic science research stuff on Mars,

but not building the base which...

And their simulation is either built by previous attendees

or delivered and sort of...

Assembled by robots.

Right.

So almost like going to Antarctica for a season.

Yeah.

The simulation.

Yeah.

Except I don't think you come back.

But no, this is just all not real.

I know.

Yeah.

This is like the sims.

It's like on a computer.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I'm saying that you would send a group of people to a place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know if you'd come back.

Yeah.

You probably don't.

I think the initial ones are going to be one way.

Oh, God.

It's going to be one way for a while.

There's no like bars set up or like malls or...

There's no knackers.

There's no knackers.

There's no knackers.

There's no like...

Say goodbye to nuggets forever.

You could have nuggets.

I don't know.

I'd be more upsetting saying goodbye to my family or my nuggies.

It's hard, man.

You could have chickens in the...

In Mars.

Yeah, on Mars.

In the growy part where they're going to grow the veg.

Okay.

Yeah.

But the chickens are going to be constantly eating the veg.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I want them cut into the shapes.

The boot.

Oh, you want from a nuggies.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, they ran 28-year simulations of colonies on the planet with different sorts of residents.

Mm-hmm.

So they found out that 22 is the perfect number of people for a colony.

Oh, okay.

That's enough for a party?

Yeah.

It's too many more people against too much.

We're all in it.

We're all in it.

And you want enough people to do jobs in times of sickness and such.

But that's also enough people.

You're getting into that.

You're going to hate at least two or three of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But also be attracted to two or three of them.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

So they said each agent was granted skills associated with their civilian and military

occupational specialties.

So consistent with what NASA wants from people who are going to be going to Mars.

Now, there's four types of personalities.

The agreeables, the neurotics, the reactives, and the socials.

Okay.

Oh, you'd be a social.

You're a social.

The

that's me.

This is why I wouldn't even step foot on one of these effects of these crafts to Mars.

Yeah, just even the trip there would be boring and reactives have a competitive interpersonal

orientation.

so reactive is a little bit competitive. So the bad news is, neurotics, flesh,

die at a much higher rate than those of the other psychologists in their simulations.

Why are they dying? The neurotics suffered during life on the colony. Martians with the neurotic

psychology and high coping capacity benefit the least from interaction with other Martians

and appeal to the most if they have a low coping capacity. Our results suggest that the effect

is a driver of the Martian population decline and once minimized or removed can produce a

stable settlement. So no neurotics. But then how does everything, anything get done? You guys

will all be faffing about. Yeah. Having fun in parties. No work could be, no work could be getting

done. Like guys, we've got to set up the farm today and I'll be like, oh, we can do it tomorrow.

I'll make a muttini. We can make a game of setting up the farm. Yes. This is no, no. Pass

the chicken to the left hand side. Then turn it into a nugget. Oh no, we can't. This is our egg

laying chickens. No, I've already nuggeted it. Oh my God. We've got no eggs. We're on Mars.

This would never have happened if Fletcher was here.

Hello there. Congratulations to the happy couple.

Thank you. A couple engaged. Oh, you're a bit late. Four years ago.

Mmm. No, no, no. This is a different couple. This isn't you.

I think I said congratulations at the time and you said I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to talk about it.

This happened at Auckland Airport yesterday. No, Friday. Friday. Friday. Why did it all go

crazy yesterday? I don't know. I guess they sat on it for a bit. I don't know. They did a press

release. It was all blowing up yesterday. Yeah, it blew up yesterday. And God, they

lapped it up, didn't they? Oh, we needed a little bit. We needed a little bit of happy news. Yeah.

I don't know if you know, guys, but the world is an increasingly bleak place. Oh, and I'm loving it.

But it was over the PA system at the Auckland Airport. The airport, to me, that's romantic.

That's not a place where you're yelling at your partner for no reason and screaming back for

another no reason at all. Not stressful at all. No. I got the top six more romantic places to

propose at the airport. Okay. Today's top six. Number six on the park and ride bus. Oh, yeah.

Beautiful rumbling ride. You parked up there. You're standing because there was no room left on

the bag racks for your bag. So you're standing and holding your bag kind of like wedging the bag

between the wall and the and the and yourself and holding onto the handrail and you're kind of

trying to eavesdrop on what the Air New Zealand hostesses and stewards and people that work on

the plane are talking about. Got some goss? Yeah, you really want to hear what's going down. Yeah,

you want to get you want to hear what's going down. And then there's it might be a baggage

collector on the bus as well. And they're looking at your bag like, can't wait to throw that.

Can't wait to hit that as hard as I can. So why not make it the ultimate place and just drop to

one knee and propose to your partner? Yeah, I know. Probably not a lot of room. Drop to one knee.

He's standing. Hold on to the handrail. Hold on to the handrail because they're about to really

hang a left hard left to that roundabout to go into that hotel. Yeah, that hotel there. Number

five on the list of the top six most romantic places to get proposed to at Auckland Airport.

When the dog is sniffing your bumhole and your suitcase when you're coming through customs,

but you're not allowed to pat it. I mean, no, it's like so cute. And that's so cute. I know.

It's doing a good job. You feel a hand hover and you're like, not allowed. Do not pat. Do not

pat dogs. Number four on the list of the top six most romantic places to get proposed to at the

airport. When you're putting your shoes back on and trying to grab your bout and your laptop and

all the stuff that came through the scanner because there's people behind you and you don't want it

to fall in the bit on the end and then you grab it all and you go over to that little seat spot

right there. When you're putting your boots back on romance. Yeah, real romance. You've done the

hard yards. Now you're ready to walk through duty free. Maybe you can get them a little engagement

number three on the list of the top six romantic places to get proposed to at Auckland Airport

and that massive line to check in that doesn't seem to be moving at all that weaves back and

forward back and forward. And you keep crossing paths with the same people as you're slowly moving

towards the check in person. And when you get there, you realize why it took so long. Nobody

had their passport ready. Just get it ready. You've got that whole line to get ready or check

in online like everybody else. Drop backdrop. Yeah. Yeah. Drop rules. Number two on the list of

the top six places to get proposed to at Auckland Airport. When you get grabbing a giant Toblerone

and a three for two Bacardi special on the way back through. Oh yeah. Never buy Bacardi in the

mainland, but it wasn't an airport. Midori. That's an airport purchase. A little of an impulsive

to worry. Yeah. Yeah. The real, you know, your real trashy drinks. You always buy them a duty

free. And number one on the list of the top six places to get proposed to at Auckland Airport.

Why not one of the three McDonald's restaurants? Show sponsor. Show sponsor on the airport grounds.

Boy, you could go through the McDonald's airport drive through. It's got to sit down option and

a playground for the kids. That's a good one. When you're waiting for friends, you just like

I could just have some nuggets. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nugs. Meet your nugs or maybe McDonald's

pre security or McDonald's post security or the post security ones. Pretty booge.

It is pretty nice. Yeah, they've got it. It kind of comes down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. They've pushed it. They've pushed to hide the ring in the nugs. Yes sir. You are a romantic

at heart. Thank you. That is today's top six.

You know, weddings, quite a traditional thing to do is like a wedding

favour for the guests. Sometimes it's just like a little sweeter chocolate and a little

yes, a little bit bad. Could you have a wedding favour cookies? Yeah. Yeah,

yeah. Little something like that. Yeah. Well, I bet we'd be cancelled now, though,

because we did gender the biscuits. Oh, do they gender the biscuits,

Did the girls get pink biscuits?

No, no, the girls got, well, they were gingerbread people.

And the girls got a traditional feminine shape.

Big honkers and a big donkey.

Just like the dress.

And then the guys were like toilet symbols.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah, right.

And I do apologize now.

I can look back and I realize I'm a better person now.

Yeah, well, we all learn, don't we?

Well, there was a wedding in the UK

and they had wedding favors

and they had scratchies.

That's nice.

That's cheap.

That's a little bit of fun.

Like at Christmas, you're chucking a dollar scratchy.

Yeah, yeah, good stuff.

So they're all at the tables and they're like,

oh, what a fun, it's a nice thing to do

when you're just waiting between meals as well.

And you know, someone's got $7 over here.

Someone won a free ticket and someone won $10,000.

$10,000?

Is this in New Zealand?

No, in the UK.

$10,000.

No, $10,000 in New Zealand.

It was $5,000.

Oh, my God.

Are there still lots of money?

A lot of money.

And this was one of the bridesmaids.

And everyone was like, oh, my God, exciting.

And then she was like celebrating.

And then the next day, because she was staying,

the bridal party was all staying together,

they were having Brickie.

This was in Cyprus.

They had a wedding in Cyprus.

Nice.

Fancy.

Oh, no.

And then she was talking about it like,

oh, my God, what a great day.

And I can't believe it.

We've got $10,000.

And everyone's like, what are you going to do with it?

And she was like, oh, I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Holiday, we might do this.

And then one person just pipes up and was like,

shouldn't you split it?

Like, shouldn't you give some of it to the bride and groom?

No.

It was a gift.

Well, apparently the woman, the bridesmaid who won,

was really upset because then she was like,

everyone was like, oh, yeah, I suppose so.

Like they sort of, you know, it was their big day.

And you kind of had this really amazing moment.

What would you do?

Absolutely not.

I'm not sharing a dot.

It's mine.

It's a gift.

You get one a lot of ticket as a present and expect to be.

That's why when you give someone a lot of ticket as a present,

you get one for yourself with exactly the same numbers.

Oh.

So you're like, but you only have two of the same.

Two of the same.

Right.

So then because they don't split it with you,

you're getting half anyway.

Right.

And then they could give you a half and you have three quarters.

But then why not just get a whole nother ticket

and you could win everything?

Because if their ticket wins, it hurts you.

No, if I buy a lot of ticket for someone,

I'd be like, Chuck is a mill.

Chuck is a little mill.

How much would they have to win to give you a mill though?

Over 10.

Over 10.

This is why you don't give people scratchies or lotto tickets.

No, but they're the great gifts.

But it's Father's Day this weekend.

What else am I supposed to get them?

Yeah.

You get them the Father's Day lotto things.

So you can win.

What are they giving away this year?

Ford Ranger in a boat?

Yeah, something like that.

Yeah.

Love it.

That's what you get.

You get it.

You get them a lot and then a couple of the Father's Day scratchies.

Tell me how many you get him.

Tell me what I shell and shell on beginning with Father's Day.

So what are you going to get your Father?

What are we doing?

Do gifts.

Oh my God.

Get him a scratchy.

He loves a scratchy.

He loves a scratchy.

Well, apparently.

No, we do scratchies.

Always do scratchies at Christmas.

Yeah.

Always chuck those in.

Yeah.

One Christmas, my brother won.

Was it 50 bucks or 100 bucks?

I was so shitty.

Yeah.

Well, people online on Reddit.

You ruined Christmas.

You really did ruin Christmas.

No.

Did you ruin Christmas?

He ruined Christmas.

He ruined my brother.

I hope he did.

Work won't let me visit the lotto website.

My God.

You know, work's bad and gammed during workouts.

But lotto supports.

It's unbelievable.

Lotto supports local communities.

I know.

And it's going to be a supporting my dad's dream of a Haines Hunter boat and a Ford Ranger.

Oh.

Father's Day lotto.

Let me go on my phone and go to Wi-Fi.

Now I want a scratchy.

Play.

Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Fletch, Vaughan, Hayley, silly little poll, silly little poll.

It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little poll,

silly little poll, silly little poll, silly little poll,

silly little poll.

Today's silly little poll is have you

had workplace relations at the workplace, at out time?

Have you had sex at work?

No, have you in a relationship with someone you met at work?

That happens all the time, but actually at the workplace.

Remember that time in Christchurch, all those people

at that bar and they looked across and there's people

were in the window, like, doing it?

Oh, my God, that's right.

And people filmed it, went online and everyone was like,

oh, my God.

And they weren't partners, hey, I do have partners.

I was very naughty, yeah.

It's a window, like, get a grip.

Yeah.

Yeah, hard to get a grip on glass.

Famously, silly.

I can answer no to that.

Can you?

I said no.

Do I mean it?

I mean, your workplaces are quite different, aren't they?

Yeah, like, definitely.

You're dabbled in a theater.

Well, that's your workplace.

That's your workplace.

OK, so yes, you lied.

Dabbled, though.

Oh, OK.

Yeah, well, I got that account for me.

Yeah, that account for me.

OK, then I have changed my answer.

The reason we asked is, oh, no, no, I haven't.

Jared, what about a pack and save back in the day?

Oh, he didn't ask.

Have a hood in the stock road.

What about a hood on break?

He's saying no.

He's saying no.

He's saying stop talking about it.

OK.

He's saying, go away, go away, go away.

Change the topic.

Well, there has been a discussion in Victoria.

This is Melbourne, Australia.

The state.

Victoria, the state of Australia,

where there are some new guidelines

to improve behavior from some of the MPs.

With a bonk ban on politicians having relationships

with staffers.

So a whole lot of things being considered

also limiting the sale of alcohol at the bar

at Parliament House and talks amongst senior MPs

saying limited alcohol access and sort of putting in place

if you work with them.

Right.

No, hook it up.

This is just for the politicians.

It's not saying every workplace in Victoria has a bonk ban.

No.

You're going to lose a bonk ban.

So have you had adult time at your workplace,

83% of people answering no, 17% of people answering yes.

Oh, my God.

And it might have been 18 if Hailey had been truthful

and the rest of the country.

I only just popped back into my mind years ago.

Anonymous.

I might keep this anonymous.

Let's keep all of these anonymous.

I worked at a hotel when I was 22 in the head security guard

and I had a little rendezvous

and all kinds of unoccupied spaces and places.

I mean, you've got all those empty rooms.

Why, what is that?

I knew what places were empty and he had the keys.

Oh, yeah, perfect.

That's real.

That's hot.

When I worked at a summer camp for children

with special needs in Texas.

Jesus Christ.

I mean, that's not a great start to this because you're not

going to say when I worked at a summer camp for people

with special needs in Texas.

No, we didn't.

We had adult fun time in the chapel on the Browns

in the broom closet.

Right.

This is someone else that worked at the camp.

Yeah.

Somebody asked if we were going to camp there.

It may have been Jesus himself.

Wow.

Hashtag everything's bigger in Texas.

Hey.

Hello.

We've got a naughty girl.

We've got a naughty girl.

I love that.

Peppers Anonymous deal.

But I had some adult time one day while working

at Christchurch Airport.

Scary thing was about a week or so later,

a certain All Black was doing the same court,

doing the same thing at the same airport.

Roomy toilet, that one.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you're very accessible.

We've got a lot of attention after that, isn't that?

I worked at a restaurant.

I was a waitress and I was seeing one of the chefs

at the time.

One night we hooked up in the walk-in fridge

while service was happening.

I hope the handle didn't come off from the outside.

In the walk-in fridge.

Also did it after work in other places

once all the staff had left too.

Oh, my God.

I hope you're WAPNAMLIMSERF.

I hope you can see the security cameras too.

Yeah.

Got you got a council inspection tomorrow.

You don't want to drop a grade.

Yes.

We've found a couple of conch broaches.

And I can't even say it.

A butt print.

A greasy butt print on the stainless steel topped bench.

Yes, at Topo Hospital when I worked

as an orderly on the night shift.

What?

Because I've got these little sleeping rooms, don't they?

It's just a room.

Yeah, it's just a room.

You don't have to sleep in there.

Because my lover is my hubba hubba colleague.

And yes, I'm his boss.

Oh, OK.

Hashtag that's the media for you.

I thought we tried.

Now I thought we tried to stomp that out.

Wow, do we need a bonk band in the media?

Yeah.

People lost their jobs.

We're trying to stomp that out.

Naughty, naughty, naughty.

Well, this media, wow.

Despite what short and straight would have you think,

a hospital is not really the place for it.

No.

And it's too sterile and yuck, isn't it?

Too sterile.

Yeah.

You like your six places to be a bit filthy, do they?

A bit filthy and gritty, grimy.

No, like lino and bleach.

It's not sexy.

It's easy to clean.

No, it's not sexy.

All I can say is the council staff like to get down.

When the public leave the pools for the night

and the light goes off, the lifeguards get freaky.

That's hot.

What?

That's hot.

Also, we're all avoided ever sitting on the sex couch

in the staff room.

Oh.

Oh.

Anonymous.

Oh, well, this was a juicy one.

This is a good one.

Anonymous.

I'm an ex-paramedic.

I worked my situation ship for a while and things got wild.

A manager caught us walking from the shower together

after the page went off for a purple call.

What's purple call?

That's Barney.

Barney's in trouble.

Help me.

Barney's got his own line.

I injured my back doing the wild thing on the stretcher

and I had to report it as it actually happened

picking up a patient.

Oh, OK.

Give a gay a chance to get his end away

and he's going to jump at it.

Of course.

That's them, not me.

That's from their words.

That's from the gay's mouth.

That's, yeah, not Vaughan's mouth.

No, I'm going to say the gay's mouth.

That is from the mouth of the person.

The person who sent that in as a homosexual.

And that's saying that on behalf of other homosexuals.

He's quite flustered, isn't he?

Why is he so flustered?

His back head link.

He's very flustered there.

I've just had a little hard purple call.

Yeah, you have.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Now the texts are rolling in.

Do you know what?

I feel this poll result.

Because what, was it 74?

84.

People were lying, weren't they?

Yeah.

83%.

No, it's just that 17% had saucy stories.

Good sails.

Good any good texts?

What does that face?

On the bus I was driving after all the drop-offs,

it just so happened that Hubby was on board the bus.

Oh.

So they parked up and they get nasty in the back.

Goodness me.

Get nasty.

Get yourself nasty.

Get nasty.

Get nasty.

Oh, God, there's more to it.

Yeah, we're done here.

OK, we're done here.

We're done here.

We're done here.

We're done here.

Smart.

We're done here.

Play ZDM's Fletch won in Haley.

Guys, France, one of the biggest, what do you call them?

Makers.

Producers.

Producers, thank you.

One of the biggest producers of wine in the world.

You'd say, we're there.

France is good.

Spain's good.

Italy.

Italy's pretty good.

Argentina.

Australia's pretty good.

Chile.

Argentina's pretty good.

But that's sort of where it stops.

Oh, Barrosa Valley in California.

Yeah, America's got some wine.

They've got some wines.

Do you want to know the actual India, China?

Is it just by default the biggest producers of everything

also produce the most wine?

Italy is number one.

They produce 49.8% of the world's wine.

Delish.

This is amazing for a country that size.

That's enough wine to fill the equivalent of nearly 2,000

Olympic-sized swimming pools.

Yes.

France's second, followed by Spain.

Right.

Well, France is going to have to start making a lot less.

Because apparently, wine consumption in France

has been absolutely plummeting since 1926

for 100 years, essentially.

Right.

The average French citizen.

Well, thank god we got on to it early.

Oh, I know.

100 years until we've addressed this problem.

How much were they drinking in the post-World War I,

pre-World War I era?

So, World War II.

No, World War I.

Post-World War I, pre-World War I, you said.

Yeah.

Or the post-World War I would count from 1918 to 1926,

where you indicated that there was a change of times

instead of jumping away.

And then pre was just all time before that.

Yes.

1926, the average French citizen drank about 136 liters

per year.

Now, that number is closer to 40 per year per citizen.

Well, people are being healthier, aren't they?

Boring, though.

There was a whole thing of the French

is that they can eat delicious food and butter

and drink wine.

And theirs is gorgeous and live young

and live beautiful bodies.

Most sigs.

Yeah, on the darts.

Well, because of this, France is about to destroy

enough wine to fill 100 Olympic-sized swimming pools.

And it's going to cost them about $216 million.

America.

Why can't they sell it?

Because no one's drinking it.

So they've got their sword.

But I'm always after some wine if I'm doing a crop pot

or like a slow roast or something.

You want a bit of wine, but you don't

want to use the good stuff, you know?

So I'll take a couple of casks to keep the cook and wine

on the go, and then maybe one for the roast, one for me.

So they're saying ruining so much wine sounds ludicrous,

but there's a straightforward economic reason

that it's happening.

Making wine is getting more expensive due in part

to recent world events, and people are drinking less of it.

This left some producer with a surplus

that they cannot price high enough to make a profit.

But surely some money is better than no money.

It's better than no money.

Get back what you can rather than dumping it.

Yeah.

I'm just trying to think of other uses for it.

So the European Union has given France $172 million

to destroy it.

What?

How bizarre.

And then producers will use the funds

to distill their wine into pure alcohol

to be used for other products, such as cleaning and perfume.

So you're like the next perfume you buy.

So you just keep distilling it once there's an alcohol content

to it.

You just keep distilling it until it's pure alcohol,

and then it can be used for other purposes.

That is wild.

So you basically, instead of you, the winemaker selling it

at a loss, France is going to, or the European Union is

going to pay you to destroy it by over distilling it,

making it into alcohol, and giving it back for other uses

like perfumes.

I'd love one.

I know you do.

I have a 17-year-old rack.

I know.

Yeah.

I know a few of those holes for India the other day.

I was just going to say, you've got this new kitchen.

You've been renovating.

You've got enough wine bottles to fill every hole in the kitchen.

How many holes are there now?

Eight holes.

Eight left or eight empty?

Eight holes.

Eight holes empty.

We've had eight of the bottles in one.

And a week.

Two weeks.

Two weeks.

Wow.

We shared some.

Right, OK.

Not a lot, to be fair.

Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha.

Play ZM's Fletchvorn and Ailey.

Play ZM.

Now, God, alcohol does things to you, doesn't it?

And sometimes it makes you post things online

or send things off that you don't intend to.

I've done this.

Luckily, I'll get a little message

to be like, hey, was that for everyone?

You're like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You posted something recently.

And I was like, OK, I don't think she meant to post that.

When I woke up in the morning, I was like,

I don't think that was meant for the story.

That wasn't meant for the party.

Yeah, that wasn't meant for a story.

That wasn't meant for a...

It was a bit loose.

Especially when you wake up at 8 o'clock

and it's like, Hailey Sproul posted three hours ago.

You're like, oh, babe, go home.

That's fine.

That's fine.

Go home.

Well, a woman has shared that on TikTok.

She's shared that her partner was out at a rave

and uploaded a video of the rave

but with a slightly different audio.

Oh.

He's the wrong song.

Rockin' around the Christmas tree

and the Christmas...

And it's gone viral

because obviously the song doesn't match the video.

And apparently he was like blot-eyed

and was like, oh, I'm gonna rave and add this.

But then somehow added this song on top by mistake.

Never was like...

I feel like whatever the song was called.

Rockin' or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Rockin' into clubs.

Yeah.

But instead added rockin' around the Christmas tree.

Very silly.

And against the video, it's very funny

because the rave's like one of those big like UK like...

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a lot.

But it got me thinkin'.

Yeah.

It got me thinkin' I wanna know what you drunkenly upload it.

Oh, okay.

You know, maybe you were sending off a personal message.

I mean, I've said it time and time again

and she loves when I bring up the story

when my friend sent me a full-body nude.

Just standing in front of the mirror like...

And then just sent it.

And I was like, oh, babe.

So that was meant for someone...

It was meant for her partner at the time.

Yeah, I guess it's a bit drunk.

They were doing a long distance relationship.

It was nothing sexy about it.

Literally just like came home, closed off.

Take a telephoto.

This is my naked body.

Or it just could have been a post or an upload

where you're so drunk.

You don't know, but your thumb's accidentally just pressing

on the gallery and on the upload button.

And then you go to sleep and you wake up

and you've posted something you shouldn't have.

You don't like to see it.

You open Instagram the next morning and you're like,

wow, I've got circles.

Or maybe something that you think was funny at the time.

Yeah.

And you wake up and you're like, it's not funny.

I mean, everyone's guilty of getting drunk

and posting way too much concept footage.

Yeah, a little bit.

And then they've been like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

You're like, sorry, where are you?

What?

I'm at Harry Styles.

I think you're at Harry Styles.

Yeah.

Looking at you, Shannon.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

What was your video?

You were at Harry Styles and she's singing along.

No, was it?

It was OneRepublic.

OneRepublic.

That was it.

Mum had a few wines at OneRepublic.

Mum did have a few wines.

I didn't know there's someone called Screams of the Banshee,

but she really, she really, she was really.

Yeah.

And the next morning she had a head on the desk.

So we all know that that was probably not intended to be uploaded.

So give us a call.

We want to take your calls now.

I'll wait 100 diles at M.

Text through 9 6 9 6.

We've already got a text in.

We want to know what you accidentally posted

while a little bit inebriated.

Give us a call.

But in this moment, we are talking about when you accidentally

uploaded or posted something when you were drunk.

As we all do.

Right.

We all do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do it.

I always, it's not even on my radar.

Like to go on social media or to do.

I might send a message to a group, but I never like.

I just got an error.

I don't know what I'm doing.

No stories.

I know posts.

I love on Sunday morning when someone's giving a drunk piece

to camera on their walk home.

I appreciate it.

I appreciate that they're doing that for a bit of safety, too.

You know, go for a little walk.

Yeah.

Doing the Instagram live.

Just a hot take.

Instagram live horrendous.

Anyway, there was a woman her boyfriend uploaded a photo of a video

of him at a rave, but he put the wrong audio over it and played.

What is it?

Rocking around the Christmas tree.

Rocking around the Christmas tree.

Yeah, it's gone viral.

The original one.

Yeah.

And so we want to know what you posted or uploaded when you were a bit

tossled.

I uploaded my friends and I at karaoke, which they can't do that.

Instantly admit in brackets, always a bad idea.

You know, I'm previous producer and a henvest.

She did that to us.

Didn't she?

When we went out, she's done a multiple time since.

Yeah, yeah, it actually probably needs to be addressed.

She'll get her on the blower.

Maybe off here.

Maybe nobody's intervention.

No, it's in the moment.

In the moment, you're like, I feel and I sound good.

You don't need to know that you didn't.

You don't.

You know, you just need to leave it be where it was.

So one of the posts was karaoke.

And then the next one, I accidentally clicked the reverse filter.

So everything was in reverse and it just sounded very demonic.

Oh, OK.

That might have also just been your karaoke.

I was a bit drunk and somehow went on Instagram Live.

But then fell asleep.

So this Instagram Live just kept going.

And then everybody was sending me screen

recordings on my Instagram Live because they all got notifications.

Yeah, I've just.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I'm about to farting.

And like water fight sounds of sleeping.

My mum posted a screenshot of a movie she wanted to watch 28

times to Instagram.

I thought she must have been hacked.

So I texted her and she called me back.

She was drunk and somehow it was her stupid phones fault.

She's just trying to remember what movie she wanted to watch 28 times.

I love that.

Yes, I don't know what the movie was.

Yeah, I must have.

I hope it was a good one.

Yeah, it's underbook in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That one where she lives by the lake.

Yes, the lake house.

The lake house.

They're sending each other.

The lake house.

The lake house.

I just loved her on a blind site.

I don't care what they say.

I don't care what they say.

I accidentally snap-chatted a topless photo to a group of 10 co-workers.

Then I panicked, trying to make it go away.

It turns out you just have to leave the group

and then it will disappear if they haven't already seen it.

Oh, OK.

One person, however, that I know of,

saw her and it was the most uptight person at work.

But if you're uploading it, you've probably got a good rap.

You'd be all right.

You know what I mean?

Like, oh, how embarrassing.

But also.

Oh, no.

Yeah. Someone said, I wasn't even drunk.

Can I use it as an excuse now?

But I took a very sexy pic of myself with the caption saying,

go to bed and accidentally put it on my story.

Oh, it was so embarrassing.

My friend messaged me saying, who are you laying down the sauce for?

I was up for 26 minutes and only seen by nine people, thankfully.

Otherwise, it would have been up all night.

Nine people is still a lot.

Oh, my God, go to bed.

Um, I wasn't opposed, but a text after I had too many jars of soup.

The jars of soup.

I sent a text to my friend complaining all about my girlfriend

at the time saying all the stuff she was doing to annoy me

and how I wanted to pull the pin and send it to the girlfriend

because it's the jars of beer.

That's classic. That's good.

Now, that's a problem taken care of.

Yes.

Drunk. You was just like, let's just go straight to the source here.

Yeah. Oh, God.

Um, drunkenly snapchat of the lingerie pic to a group rather than the crush.

Yeah, it'll happen.

Accidentally uploaded a selfie of my face to Instagram.

No makeup, hard frowning is that I had I had had Botox

and I was trying to check how like when I was frowning, how much and stopped it.

Just going, yeah.

Uh, I posted a half naked photo of myself,

thankfully, in my back, which I took to document my extensive sunburn

to a trade me listing for a car park.

Yes, I do love seeing that.

All this I was uploading, like I took these photos of the graffiti

down at the community hall and it's like all the six graffiti photos.

And then like two more that are just like someone's birthday.

Yes. Yeah.

I love a bit of that.

Love that.

Oh, my God.

Oh, and it's Haley's version.

Of course. Oh, my God, you guys.

Well, Project Swifty, Haley.

The journey continues, transforming me into a Swifty.

Now, if you haven't headed to our tick tock and seen that I did a few tick tocks

as instructed by the Tay Tay girls and I think I nailed them.

I even got in the shower at work in my clothes.

So it was a bit wild.

We're generally that shower.

I don't know, that seems like a jam.

Yeah, that is not a raw dog.

That you're on again.

And there's some athletes put in that.

Yeah, I've got a fun thing happening now.

But anyway, I am ready for my next task.

Yeah, beautiful.

And I will say you were so good on tick tock.

I know, I know.

So today, after the show,

Carwin and I will be running you through a Taylor Swift seminar.

We have spent hours crafting a presentation to show you

explaining every album, every pop culture moment throughout the 10 eras,

everything you need to know to nail Taylor Swift knowledge.

Wow. OK. I do know I'm really good at studying.

I'm really good at memorizing things.

I'm thick as.

But I just so well at school because I would just cram goes in and then it goes out and it's gone.

Well, send you the link afterwards.

You can study over it.

OK, this is why you're good at remembering lines.

You're acting really good for all the acting I do.

So from this seminar, am I going to be quizzed on this?

You are going to need to absorb all that information and then on Thursday,

you will be doing a Haley's version.

God, it's been a while.

It's been a while.

She's been waiting for the knowledge of Taylor Swift about everything that you've learned.

OK, you'll perform that for us on this Thursday.

You've made it tight.

Don't worry, we'll be great teachers.

It'll be nice and easy.

So I'm going to sit through a seminar.

Are the boys coming to the seminar?

God, no.

Beg your pardon.

Oh, busy.

Don't want this.

We know you don't even know when it is.

I know all the Taylor Swift things.

Anyway, what's your favorite era?

What mistakes?

Probably when she threw it on that fan mail.

Whatever you would call an era.

Eras of judgment.

Eras.

Oh, you're in your hoodie.

That was an era.

Yeah.

OK, OK.

Well, I will absorb this knowledge and I'll do a Haley's version.

But she's got such a big voice.

I don't know what song.

OK, you perform this for us on Thursday.

I will.

What Taylor Swift song are you going to pick?

Yeah, I know this one.

I'm trying to think because her voice is so much higher than mine.

You've got about 250 to pick from.

250.

What?

Well, join us Thursday for Haley's version.

Taylor Swift, it's your eight o'clock song.

Should have said no.

Listen out for that next song at midday with Georgia.

The song at four to win a double pass to see her live in Sydney.

How fun is the thrill of dating?

You know, sometimes I yearn for it.

Sometimes I think back to the little text messages and stuff.

Oh, OK.

You know, and you're like the thrill of the chase or something.

You know, like, you know, like when I was first dating Aaron,

you get a text, you would see it was for him and you'd be like,

oh, exciting. Now I'm like, what do you want?

What is this going to say again?

What problem is this going to be?

It changes.

Yeah, it does change.

You could make an effort to.

No, no.

No, thank you.

I'll stop you there.

Yeah.

I'll stop.

Appreciate your input as a friend.

Yeah.

I'll stop right there.

Yeah.

I'm just thinking you.

It seems like you want it, but.

No, I'm not.

You're not giving it.

No, I'm not.

Could you pretend that you've just started dating?

But a role-playing.

Yeah.

Well, how there?

Is that how that started?

My entire spray.

I was just training here to be an actress.

He's like, how there?

Wait, so you're both southern about.

I thought he would have been.

He would have been like,

he might have been a stiff-lipped other English gentleman

in World War T.

Oh, yes, hello.

Well, students, we're actresses.

You've shown that.

Well, I'm doing my master's.

We're a world at war.

Oh, where?

Bloody hell.

I'd like to take y'all out on a date.

I'd like to, but I've got to be Churchill.

Oh, goodie.

We're landing the boys on Normandy.

So this is really, I don't know,

I know it seems silly,

but this is really doing it for me right now.

This is really pumping it up.

Because it's a bit of acting,

a bit of attention.

A little acting, a little attention,

silly voices.

It's the lock.

You guys got a lot going on.

Because we...

A lot going on at the moment.

You don't need to be, you know,

worrying too much about that.

Oh, God, no.

We've parked it.

We've parked it all.

It's been parked.

It's been parked.

Because we, I mean, me and Aaron,

there's an article here about

when is the right time that you make it official

when you're actually like,

this is my boyfriend.

Right.

As opposed to like,

we're seeing each other or we're dating,

but we were quite quick.

Our first date lasted two days.

It just didn't come home.

Yeah.

We didn't go to, we didn't turn up to school.

We just hung out.

Get to know each other.

Oh, yes.

Just hanging around.

Oh, God, boy, stop the bitch.

I've got a bloody good time.

But then like quite quickly,

we just spent a lot of time together.

So I don't, and I can't remember the day.

Did you say like,

do you want to go around with me?

Yeah, do you want to go around with me?

We're going round together.

I don't think we even said,

do you want to be my boyfriend?

October 10th, 2004.

Oh, we remember.

That was you?

That was their official day.

And what did you say?

He said, do you want to go around?

I said, what's the time?

She's not in the car yet.

Otherwise you'll be in trouble.

I see, I think it's one of those things

that I've told myself this

because it winds her up so many times.

I remember it as a memory now,

which I am great at doing,

just manipulating my own memory.

Yeah, same.

To suit my narrative.

Yeah.

I think it's called being a psychopath.

Yeah.

I think she said,

what shall I tell my friends we are?

Oh, yeah, that's,

that's a nice way to go.

What am I going to tell my friends we are?

And I said,

and in my memory,

she said, is it all right if I tell my friends

you're my boyfriend?

Yeah.

Which is wild.

Which like,

you should have seen him.

He would have been so lucky.

Oh, very lucky.

Continue to be lucky every day.

But yeah, in my mind,

she was like,

is it all right if I tell my friends you're my boyfriend?

Can I please, please be my boyfriend?

But it was probably more of a discussion of like,

what are we,

what are we like?

What do we tell people we are?

We're hanging around a bit.

And I said,

I'll be your boyfriend.

And you'll be my brother soon.

Yeah, but right, right, right.

They haven't stormed the board,

bitches in Normandy.

Well, apparently the experts say

two months is a safe amount of time

to have the kind of conversations

you need to have

in order to make it official.

So was that about two months after it was?

It was, yeah.

But probably like,

then there was a few weeks of,

yeah, probably about two months

after we met.

On average,

that just works out to be the best time.

Because it gives you enough time

to ask the big questions,

like religion,

finances,

sexual preferences,

communication styles.

What do you think

of Adolf Hitler?

And his rise to power?

I don't think very highly of that.

They are gentlemen at all.

Well, we've got to deal with that.

Put it there.

Wow.

We see politically,

eye to eye.

Will you be my boyfriend?

I will.

See?

Just like that.

Easy.

Just like that.

So two months.

Two months is a sweet spot.

Fleece,

could you have imagined

that I've been hanging around

for that long?

Oh, God.

She's like a brother to me.

Shouldn't you be leaving?

Yeah,

shouldn't you have left

like one and a half hours ago?

Oh, what the hell?

Why are you so used to here?

Yeah.

That's crazy.

I'm endangerously close

to learning your name.

Yeah.

I will need you to leave.

Vaughn Allen Smith.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Haley.

Play ZM.

Play Chvorn and Haley.

It's 14 past eight.

I think you just said your own name wrong.

Fletch Vaughn and Haley.

He sounds like he said Fletch.

Anyway.

I won't dwell on Fletch.

I won't dwell on Fletch.

I won't dwell on Fletch.

I won't dwell on Fletch.

Okay.

If you could know,

I'm going to dwell on Fletch for a second.

You have to change your vowel.

One vowel.

In your name.

So your Fletch.

I could be Fletch.

I could be Hooli.

I'll be Hooli.

What are you?

I don't know what value I want to change.

Your name's weird.

Mine's hard.

Your name's balance for changing a vowel.

Because the AU.

The N.

The N.

The N.

The N.

The N.

The N.

The N.

The N.

The N.

True.

Okay.

So you're Vakon.

You're Vakon.

Vakon.

Vakon.

For circum가지고.

Hooli, Fletch,

Vakon and Hooli.

Vakon.

Flauch.

Flauch.

Vakon and Hooli.

Good fun.

What a mix.

At the weekend,

Jared told our lads chat

that he discovered a new drink.

This was something

that I think his partner had

sent on TikTok and he tried it

and he was trying to get us to try

it and I was like,

That's embarrassing.

That soy sauce and soda water tasted just like Coke

and then went around and everyone was having been like,

that's soy sauce and soda water, man.

Damn, I'm glad I didn't try that.

Looked like, probably looked like it, colour-wise.

Looked just like it.

Anyway, he can tell us, he's in the Bridges' booth

with a fresh one on the brew.

Yep, yep, got my bottle of Sprite and my two tea bags in it.

So wait, what?

He's fingering.

He's fingering a tea bag into a Sprite.

I just kind of poke it in the hole and lit it.

Yeah, he's fingering it in there.

I don't, like, my finger doesn't get wet or anything,

it just pokes the tea bag.

Do you have to sip a little bit?

Yeah, you'd have to sip a little bit.

Yeah, I had to pour some out,

because yesterday when I did it, I skipped that step

and it was like a 10-minute process going...

Tss, tss, tss, tss.

Oh, yeah.

Damn, it's refreshing.

So what kind of, so you just get a normal Sprite,

this is not Sprite Zero, it's full shugs,

are we going full shugs?

Yeah, I went full shugs today.

Got a lot of shugs.

We're getting a glass brought into us to try this.

But this is also, as it's standard tea today,

is that you've moved to a slightly posher tea.

Yeah, I can't remember the brand,

but it's an Apple Crumble tea.

Oh, my gosh.

I think it's Belle.

Could be Belle.

I think it's a Belle tea.

Wait, there's a tea bag that's Apple Crumble flavor.

What flavor is crumble, flour?

Flour and sugar cinnamon.

You don't mean crumble, sugar, flour,

but I don't think it'll be enough to qualify as crumble,

even though that's just on the apple rather than the crumble.

So it's tea and Sprite.

It smells like a Spritey crumble.

It smells like an apple.

It does, it smells like a...

For us, I pour a little bit of fireball in there.

Oh, it just got me in the eye.

What was that?

I thought you were reacting to the sweetness,

but you were reacting to a bubble in the eye.

What is this?

Is this like, is this like a sweet tea?

It's almost like the, what, the ice cream soda.

It tastes like an ice cream and soda.

But it's so sweet, Jared.

How are you drinking this?

Yeah, one mouthful was enough.

All right, maybe I'll try sugar-free.

That's a lot, that's a lot going on.

No sugar-free sweeter because they put in sweeteners.

But I love in summer, I've done this,

but you get, like, I just use my soda stream

and use, like, some of the black currant teas

or the raspberry teas.

Hey, hey, hey.

They're really nice.

I hate you.

It's not talking.

It's not talking, it's a double idea.

It's refreshing, it's nice.

Just drink a frickin' glass of water.

Can I just get you to shut up?

Because that's ridiculous.

See, nice, it's like an ice cream.

What is it?

It's like an ice tea.

It's like an ice tea.

You put vodka in it?

Yeah.

But no sugar.

No, you drink vodka in it.

Pims?

Why would you drink Fizz without vodka?

I don't understand what's happening.

OK.

I'm just saying, it's a good option.

It's a good, it's a good-

That, Jared, no, that, Jared, you're gonna get the diabetes.

You can't drink this every day.

It's lovely, it's lovely, a little freshy.

On a winter's day, on a winter's morning,

you'll have a fresh, fizzy.

Is this in place of your morning Red Bull,

or in addition to-

No, I don't, this isn't a breakfast drink.

This is a five o'clock, a little dash of whiskey,

a little bit of whisky.

Like a little five o'clock baby.

A five o' whiskey too.

Yeah, he loves the cinnamon.

So add some more cinnamon.

Actually, the apple is good.

He loves the cinnamon.

Well, OK, well, I'm not gonna knock it totally

because I do love a sparkling water

and a fruity tea bag.

Thank you.

It's a diet version.

Yeah.

That was very sweet.

Yeah, I've been getting grief about this in the last track.

I mean, to be fair, if you put whiskey in anything, I'm happy.

Yeah, it certainly adds a certain genie-sequat

to the enticement.

Very much a genie-sequat.

Yeah.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day, you see me this fact of the day, ages ago,

completely forgot about it, swore it last night, was like, that's right.

So today's fact of the day is about windsocks.

Yeah. Windsocks.

Yes.

You know that they're on a flagpole and they are orange

or the big opening and the opening gets smaller.

It looks like a cone, but it's made of material.

It goes orange, white, orange, white, orange, white.

Yes.

You always see them at the airport.

Yeah.

And you're always like, I know that when it's full,

it's facing the way the wind is coming from.

Yeah, because it's big.

The largest opening is facing towards the wind.

The wind is whistling down the sock.

And if the sock is fully pointing out flat at a horizontal,

the wind is humming.

Yeah.

Did you know that each of the lines indicates a wind speed?

No.

So if the wind sock is facing the wind and it gets to the first join

and then after that it goes flop.

Flop. Floppy.

That means the wind is blowing at five and a half kilometers an hour.

Oh, my God, this is, oh, my God, this is so clever.

I know.

And there's a wind sock where August has been playing netball this season.

Yeah.

And someone said, oh, it's windy today.

And I locked up and I saw the first one.

I was like, well, about five and a half K and a hour, I reckon,

because it was only up to the first one.

Oh, wow.

And were they just like, how do you know?

They were like, what?

How do you know that?

And then I was like, no, I told them about the wind sock.

And they're like, that's amazing.

Something they'll never forget.

If it gets up to the second section of the sock,

the wind is at about 11 kilometers an hour.

Oh, yeah.

If it's if so, the first three segments of the wind sock are up

and then the last two have dropped down 16 kilometers an hour.

Next one.

Have a guess.

Twenty-two.

Twenty-two, sorry, I was just carrying the one.

Yeah, no, that's fully understandable.

So excuse me.

And the top speeder can record before it's just

like from here on out, yeah, it's too windy.

It's 28 kilometers an hour is how fast the wind needs to be blowing

for the whole sock to be erect or full.

Yeah. Wow.

I feel like maybe I didn't know this because all the socks

where I grew up in Wellington always would have been.

Isn't there a sculpture that's just a just an erect sock?

Yeah. Well, it doesn't flop.

It's just like this is our windy.

We are here now.

I didn't even think about it, but maybe that's also the art speaking.

But like now all like aircraft now would have incredible senses

and it would be a lot of stuff or have senses.

And I've got a wind meter in my weather station.

Really? God, you're such a dad.

Dad's love of weather station.

I have a bit of wind.

Yeah, I want to turn on the notifications.

I get a notification when it rains more than 0.3 mill an hour.

Now, that's sort of a sort of a heavy shower.

Right. It says it's raining.

So I could be at work and I get a little thing on my phone.

It's raining at home.

What I want is when I've got to work out a turn on the notifications

that tells me when it's blustery at home.

Why would you need to know that it's blustery?

Why do I like to know?

You like look outside the window and to see the rain.

Well, I'm not at home now.

I'm still here, but it could be bluster is all.

But what are you going to do about it?

If you're blustery at home and you're at work now,

I just know that it's blustery.

What am I going to do about if it's raining at home?

I can't stop the rain, but it's nice to know.

Well, you go try to cover some things up.

Get the clothes, get the washing in.

Get the washing in.

I'm like 30 kilometres from home.

I'm never getting home to get that washing in in time.

But if it's also blustery, maybe if the wind stops,

the window would dry.

So today's fact of the day is those windsocks you see.

Each line on the windsock indicates an increase in speed

up to 28 kilometres an hour wind speed

when all sections of the sock are up.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day.

Play Zerian's Fletch Vaughan and Haley.

There is a man in India who has been arrested.

I believe he's been returned home since this happened.

OK.

But he was arrested at an airport in India

after he turned up in a pilot's uniform

and said he was a pilot for India.

And they were like, it's not quite right.

So then they got in, you know, airport security got involved.

So they started asking questions.

And then he was like, oh, no, I'm just I'm doing training.

I'm training to become a pilot.

And they looked through his luggage and he had all these like flight

safety manuals and his phone had lots of pictures of him as a pilot.

At that point, he was handed over to the police

being like, this man is not a pilot.

OK. Who is he?

Well, let's just see if he can fly, though.

You know, we're in a shortage.

We're in a skill shortage.

I reckon give the guy a chance to prove his prove himself.

Imagine doing that.

Been like, all right, then pilot pilot away.

So what it turns out is that he had to admit in the end that he's not a pilot.

Yeah.

And he likes to dress up as a pilot and take photos of himself

as a pilot to impress his multiple girlfriends

who live in different cities around India.

You crafty. And he's got a wife and kids. Oh, wait, what?

Yeah. Oh, you're crafty.

Crafty dog.

And the reason he wears the pilot's uniform on flights

is that he can take photos of him on planes to make the story more believable.

Eva, why not? Don't try to get on the plane.

Just take a photo.

In the bathroom.

He was on the plane to visit one of his other girlfriends.

Well, when he got caught.

Yeah.

He has girlfriends in four different cities

and he was traveling on board to meet one of them

who I suppose would have been there.

He would have come out with a briefcase and a pilot.

She said, oh, my God, that's hot.

That's my pilot. That's hot.

It's my pilot boyfriend.

Because would that be one of the most desirable professions to date?

Aren't they like?

That's hot.

Notorious.

I mean, this guy's a great example, and he's a fake pilot of a pilot

with multiple multiple girlfriends.

Yeah. Well, because you want so many layovers.

You're like, well, I might just have to play out someone.

There's a power ranking, you know, but every day that they go to work,

they hold in their hands the lives of hundreds of people.

But a power. Yeah.

Surgeons are doing that one at a time.

Oh, hundreds at a time.

Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hot, hot, hot, hot. Yeah, it's a power dynamic.

Especially if I'm boarding a small plane.

I always put my put my nose in the window.

Well, just to see what the pilots look like.

Oh, yeah.

Well, and then if one of those jobs, I'm always like, hot pilot, hot pilot.

It's one of those jobs where if they're younger than me,

I think you're too young to be doing this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well beyond the age of, you know, an entry level pilot.

I know. I don't know about this.

His punishment, I think he kind of got away with it.

He all he had to do was text all his girlfriends.

They made him text his girlfriends and be like, I'm not a pilot.

They don't actually, he could have been like, no, I will not.

They can't make you text your girlfriends.

I think I think it was either that or go to jail.

Yeah. But is it because he didn't try to pilot the plane?

We didn't try to pilot the plane.

No, he wasn't like trying to do it for any kind of

really malicious intent or get free flights or anything.

He like paid for them.

He just wanted to impress his girlfriends, get photos of him as a pilot.

Because girls like pilots.

Yes. Now, I want to know if you have ever discovered someone

you're dating has been lying about their job to impress you.

Because I genuinely don't feel like I wouldn't get.

Oh, I wouldn't care.

You wouldn't care what anybody does.

Yeah. I mean, let me say like a drug dealer or something.

Pretty hot if they get to drive the tugboats.

Do you know what I mean?

They are hot.

They get to turn on the big boats.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't care, but I care if it's hot in a positive way.

But if it was just a normal job or whatever, I'd be like, cool.

Whatever. Yeah. But some people want your money, honey.

Some people, I guess, like there's that whole, like you say, the power thing.

In an insecurity as well.

I'm just, you know, I just work in hospital.

And you're like, that's great. Maybe a drug then.

But they're strengths. Yeah, exactly.

But then some people feel that they do need to kind of embellish.

Jazz it up a bit.

Yeah, jazz up their job.

Maybe you discovered it, or I'll also accept if you've done this

and you've lied about your job and maybe got discovered.

And for what reasons, you would like on holiday in Europe,

you could tell anybody you did anything, right?

Like they're not going to know I lie.

I only ever lie to like Uber drivers or, you know, people being like,

what do you do for a living?

Because when I say it, I have such a fun and exciting career.

I kind of can't be bothered getting into it.

You just like, you just like, I just work in an office or when I used to say,

I'm an actor. Oh, yeah. What have you been in?

I'm mostly theater. Oh, anything I would have seen.

Would you go to the theater? No, God, no.

Probably not. Have you been to Shoreless Street? No, I haven't.

Yeah, that's the conversation.

You just be like, I'm a hairdresser. Yeah.

And they'll be like, why is your hair look so ratty?

Blah, is he making other people's?

You need to choose a better profession.

Yeah, yeah. So we want to tell you calls.

I'll wait a hundred dals a day and give us a call.

You can text through nine, six, nine, six.

Has a date or a partner or a boyfriend or girlfriend, anyone ever lied to you

about what they did for a living and what and how did you find it out?

Whether it was to impress you or just see them ask questions.

Yeah, you just been like, that's too maybe they're a spy.

Oh, my God, what are people that a spy say they do?

Laundry stuff.

Laundry. They want the run a laundry match.

I run a laundry match. No, that's drugs.

Yeah, that all that was.

Especially since Breaking Bad.

Power wash laundry. Yeah, you name it.

I'll wait a hundred dals at Emerson number.

Text through nine, six, nine, six.

We did someone lie to you about what they did for a living.

Winshen Sie sich manchmal jemanden an ihrer Seite, der sie vollkommen versteht.

Jemanden, der sie auf ihrem Weg zum Erfolg unterstützt.

Wir sprechen nicht über Online Dating.

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Asking this morning if you've ever dated somebody

with the line about their occupation, a guy in India has been arrested

after impressing all of his girlfriends with his pilot photos,

but he's not a pilot.

He's not a pilot.

And it was discovered when he was trying to get on a plane dressed as a pilot.

It wasn't a pilot.

And his punishment was that he had to text his girlfriends multiple girlfriends

and tell them, hey, I'm not a pilot.

That's a funny punishment.

Why think he was a pilot as well?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I get it, right.

He would put his pilot uniform in a bag and then, oh my God.

Some messages in.

My sister's dad used to tell a woman he was a brain surgeon.

That's why he had a hospital pass, but it was an orderly.

Now, there's nothing to be ashamed of.

There's nothing to be ashamed of.

You've got a good job and you're doing an essential part of the health service.

Yeah.

It's not brain surgeon, is it?

My ex said he was ex-SAS.

Oh, yeah.

And left to be a bodyguard for hire overseas.

He was kicked out of the army, I found out later.

And everything else was fabrication.

OK, Jenny, good morning.

Good morning.

Now, you were dating someone.

What did they tell you that they did and what did they actually do?

OK, so I was with my ex partner a few years ago,

and I was really young and naive.

I was only six and at the time,

he told me that he was throwing security at night time for like a couple of the local clubs.

Bouncer, yeah.

Yeah, that's right.

And then one evening, one of his friends came over to check up

and say, hey, is he at work?

And I was like, yeah, he is.

And he goes, oh, do you actually know what he's doing?

And I was like, yeah, he's doing security.

And he goes, actually, no, he's a man of the night.

Oh, oh, oh.

There's a night.

People.

OK.

Making the money.

Making the money.

Wow.

Different kind of bouncing.

Really, isn't it?

So how did you?

Very different sort of bouncing.

How did you approach it?

You're not stopping so many people from coming in, are you?

No, you're not.

Yeah, well, it was a little bit awkward, too,

because, like, we had literally just found out, too,

that I was pregnant with my first daughter.

So it was OK.

Well, thanks.

Yeah, our nightly visions were no longer going to be happening.

Yeah. Wow. OK.

OK. OK.

Absolute pop twist.

Wow, we.

Jenny, thanks for your call.

Message at 9.6, nice.

So many juicy stories coming through.

Has somebody you were dating lied to you about their occupation?

Good Lord, the messages we are receiving.

We want to know if someone's lied to you about their job

because a pilot, well, a guy in India was busted pretending to be a pilot

because all you need is a hat and then take a photo on Instagram.

Yeah, the black suit.

Yep.

That's a white shirt.

Yeah.

A lot of the time, you don't even need the suit jacket.

Do you have to enter the plane in full uniform?

If you're a pilot, what do you mean?

More than when they're walking to the plane, they're always in full uniform.

But then they get there, they sit down, they make themselves comfortable.

Oh, yeah, I think so.

I'd unbutton the top button of my pants, too.

You're sitting down.

Yeah, yes, in every one of them.

If you're going to fly as a pilot, I have to wear that stupid hat

because I like my hat.

No, you have to wear my hat.

Never could I wear my hat?

No, you have to wear their hat.

No, yeah, it's.

You couldn't just put the badge on your flexi foot.

I don't think that would work.

Well, he does love a cap.

But you're not going to pilot's hat.

Anybody looks good in a pilot's hat.

Everybody does the power of the hat.

And that's why people are pretending to be pilots.

That's right.

Popular text message regard was people saying that they're dolphin trainers.

Now being pranked, I would have thought.

No, he was a carpet layer, but his van was professionally signed

written saying dolphin trainer purely to attract woman.

But I would have thought you'd be cancelled now after all the docos.

So I was thinking, is this a time gone by or are you maybe back in the day?

Now you decide, oh, what, why you have animals in captivity?

Yeah, well, shame on you.

My husband, Mr. Mingon, came here on holiday before I snatched him up

and used to tell the ladies he was a dolphin trainer.

Somebody else said dolphin trainer used to work a charm.

What?

Wait, is there something we're not, are we missing a euphemism here?

A euphemism, euphemism, euphemism.

My ex-boyfriend told me he was a big tech guy.

Turns out he lived at home with his mom and was unemployed,

quite like playing on the computer.

Well, that's a lot of tech.

Well, yeah, he probably helped mom find the AV channel.

Well, his mom probably said you're a big tech guy.

Yeah, yeah.

Who's my big tech guy?

Just didn't have the big tech money.

Maybe made a pretty quick escape after that.

I imagine the guy on Tinder and his whole profile certainly made it

look like we went to the Winter Olympics for snowboarding.

We started chatting.

Was he just up real pay for a weekend?

Probably.

And as soon as the Winter Olympics ended, he changed his Tinder

to have a Summer Olympics theme.

Where he made it seem he would be attending the next Summer Olympics.

Two years, two years out of that one.

Olympians hot, though.

Like if someone told me they were an Olympian, I'd be like, God,

you'd love to be let loose in the Olympic Village.

Oh, my gosh.

I sometimes lie about what I do is I don't want to come across

intimidating and I don't want to deal with follow up questions.

I'm a project manager and construction, but also a woman.

And that seems to confuse a lot of people.

Oh, yeah.

So I say I work at a cafe and they nod.

Oh, yeah.

Hawn. Hawn.

Well, just own it.

But yeah, I guess you just don't want the questions.

Follow up questions.

Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of pestering questions.

Somebody said my mate was a pilot in the Air Force, flew the big one.

So the one we were on.

Yeah, the one that we jumped out the back on.

The Hercules.

Yeah, that was great.

Hercules. Hercules.

But that's what he actually did, but everybody wouldn't believe him.

Oh, when he said he worked in the Air Force and he flew the big one.

So he just said he was an Auckland based snow plow driver

and no one ever had any questions.

I'd have so many questions about snow plows.

Auckland based snow plow.

Yeah. So something that absolutely does not exist.

Yeah, I was like, never had snowed once.

But he had less questions and people believed him more than if he said

he was an Air Force pilot.

Would you love to have a go driving a snow plow, though?

Yeah, hell yeah.

Yes, I'd just be like, Mr Plow, that's my name.

It's Mr Plow.

And then King Plow takes over, Simpson's reference.

Yeah.

But I wouldn't get out of my plow to open a gate.

No, no.

Jeremy, Jeremy, Rena, I'd say in the plow.

I just I would also like to have a driver of a greater,

which is like a road plow.

I want to go on a snowmobile.

I've been on a snowmobile.

They are fun.

When did you go on a snowmobile without me?

We went to Canada.

We went on a snowmobile safari, spent the whole day and they stopped and they said

this is where the Winter Olympics ski jump's going to be.

And he's like, but I did advise them not to have it here

because this is also a very popular area for grizzly bears to hibernate.

And he's like, and the rule is if today we see a grizzly bear,

we absolutely fang it.

And we were like, ha, ha, ha.

He's like, seriously, do not stop.

Why drive as fast as you can.

We've got to 110 kilometers an hour on a snowmobile.

Wait, so you're driving it.

You're not just on the back.

You're driving it.

And then who wants to do a jump?

And all the guys are like, we do.

And we did all the jumps.

It was great. It was great.

That's hot. That's cool.

That's hot. So much.

OK, so if you need to lie about a profession, a snowmobile driver,

you're a snowmobile driver.

Yeah. You're a pilot.

What am I? OK.

With your hat.

With my unauthorised hat.

Somebody just said you've also both been on a snowmobile at Kadrona.

I know this because you sat behind and you held on very tight.

When did I do that?

I don't even remember that.

Yeah. No, you're not thinking about when you got.

Did you get evacuated on the sled when you hurt yourself?

That too.

But no, I was on the sled getting drank behind.

I know I didn't go on the snowmobile.

Did I?

Yeah. Oh, my God, why can't I remember that?

These people are even this person's claiming we even had a drive

of the snowmobile that day.

No. You've got to power out.

If you've got to power out.

I feel you did and I did.

I feel you did and I did.

Yeah, you're a whole he holds on tight.

God, you both did.

This is when you were broadcasting from Nadia's office

about 10 years ago.

I'm registering at Kadrona.

This is when Haley Holt was smoking darts.

Back on the Daris.

Yeah, I was like, I didn't know you smoked darts.

And she's like, don't tell anybody.

And now you're telling the entire nation.

She's off them now.

She's well off the darts.

Well off the darts now.

Hey, guys, apparently, being the company's most successful

podcast isn't enough.

They want us to tell people to tell more of their friends.

So people are clearly liking it,

but we have to tell them to tell others to like it.

I would concentrate more on the shitter podcast

that the company makes.

Yeah, same.

You know, the real losers are same.

Like, hang on, we'll just, we won't say no.

Maybe we should even encourage people

to listen to other podcasts that the company makes.

No, but only after hours.

Yeah, nah, don't do that.

And not more than hours.

Give us a sexy little review, though.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.