ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 28th September 2023

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The ZM Podcast Network. The Fleshbone and Haley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with

My Mac's Rewards. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fleece Vaughn and Haley. It's two minutes past

six. Happy Thursday. I did for a moment think it was Friday. Remember when I said

something before and it made it sound like it was Friday? Yeah. It's not. It's Thursday. Well,

I've got to take your word for it, unfortunately. This is my Friday. You have it a long weekend,

are you? Yeah. On the way, Cash Catch Up. Yesterday, Cashy at eight o'clock exploded

at a thousand and something dollars. Crazy. We did, we did catch wind that he'd been training

for a half marathon. So we gave way. I think she locked in. Our winner locked in about, what,

500? 400? Yeah, just under five. Just under. So again, this morning, your chance to win some

cash. Eight o'clock will play listen out for the activator. Georgia plays at midday and then

bring Clint this afternoon at four o'clock. It's the time for it, isn't it? The top six on the way.

Yeah. A 24-hour Christmas radio station is being launched. Oh my God. Is this overseas or in New

York? Because, you know, the iHeart radio do that. It's in the Aka thing. The 24-hour

could do that Christmas. It's on the iHeart radio network. You'll be able to get it anywhere in the

world. That's the sort of flexibility that the iHeart radio app has. Absolutely. Beautiful. Yeah.

Halibut app. 87 days till Christmas. So this is why they've launched this 24-hour Christmas radio

station. Correct. 87. That's scary, eh? No, it's exciting. I'm ready. So I've got the top six.

Other 24-hour radio stations we need.

We're away tomorrow. We're actually away the whole weekend. I was going to say,

Fletch and I. Now I'm talking to you. Aaron and I. I don't know. Am I? My other husband.

Who's feeding your cat? Well, we're getting our friends to stay at our house.

At a house, darling. Yeah, at a house, darling. Do they not have a house? Yeah, they've got a house,

but we just don't like leaving our house at the moment because that's pretty wide open. They're

going to come and sleep in your, like, renovated half renovated house. It sucks for them. There's no

bathroom and there's no furniture. Yeah. Good friends. There's a port-a-lou. Yeah, there's a

port-a-lou. One would have just gone over and, but your cat needs a lot of attention. Yeah,

he'll just get sad at night. And this, this is why this story caught my eye. There was a man who

was on holiday and he had, he's got an automatic feeder. Oh yeah. And his cat was at home and then

he saw the cat on his little cat cams. Cat cams. He's got cat cams nice down the low to the ground.

Because you can get the cat feeders with a camera in them and a speaker. So you can be like,

does he also have a camera in it? No, I've just got like a $30 warehouse one that rotates every 12

hours. Yeah. See, we need to get one of these for when we just go away for the night. Yeah,

that's what I use mine for. Yeah. So just like, he just absolutely loves this cat. It's called

Paul as in P-A-W-L. Ah, Paul. Clever. Clever. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, they had like, he had people

coming in and like checking on the cat, but in general the cat was on its own at night.

And he always looked like checking on the cameras and usually it's like a lot of him laying around.

He said, looking at the other window at the birds. Yeah. And then he said, this time when he went on

the cameras, he just saw Paul roaming around the apartment with a stuffed toy fish in his mouth,

making the saddest meows that he's ever heard. Okay. And then he said, yeah, but then he said that

he was listening for so long it broke his heart that he started making plans to cancel his holiday

and go home. Where was he on holiday? Was he like in another country? No, he was on,

he said it was just on vacation. He didn't make it sound like it was that hard to get home.

Right. Yeah. He said that he was just, he started doing it until his wife was like,

don't be ridiculous, the cat's fine. I assumed this guy didn't have a wife or who assumed he was

a cat based loser. Loser. Excuse me. I'm a cat based loser. Yeah.

You also say your selfishness supersedes your cat based losing this because if you see your

cat was sad, you just like better. No, I always keep people to look at that. People have to

stay and look after me. This is what I say. If we go away for like a night or two and we'll just

leave him on his own and get people to feed him, right? But can you spend some time? Yeah, because

my cat's quite needy. Yes. Yeah. Well, a lot of people, a lot of cat owners, cat losers,

and then messaging being like, I would literally want to turn the plane around. Like I literally

would have done exactly the same thing. If I saw Rolly being sad. You built him a whole outside

house during your renovations. Yeah, we did. Yep. We built him a little hut to hide. And change your

entire house structure. You're going to go to council. Yeah, to get a whole put in so you

could put the cat door. It's cute. It's cute. It's got the colonial trims on it. Yeah, it does.

It's cute. It's a colonial trim cat door. It's too much.

You may have seen this in the news yesterday. E New Zealand announcing it yesterday.

You will be able to track your baggage in the E New Zealand app now. Oh, using the barcodes,

right? Yeah, yeah. So they scan it at each point, right? They scan it at each point.

Yeah. So I've American Airlines had that have had this for a few years. And when I was last

traveling with American Airlines, you'd see the bags go up the little conveyor belt into the

hold and you'd see them with a little scanner, you know, like the couriers use. Yeah. And so at

each, yeah, at each, and then you'd literally be able to see on the app, oh, your bag is now

currently loaded. It's with you. So it'll be like, yeah, tracking a courier parcel when it's like

it's been picked up. It's in transit with the driver. So you do your bag tag, you put it on

the conveyor belt, you scan it, it'll say your bags. And then so each step of the way it's scanned

and then they put it into that big container, chuck it on the plane. It's a good app, actually,

the E New Zealand app. I like it. Easy to use. Not bad. So it's been apparently now, I don't

know if you have to update your app or it'll just appear, but it's been tried by 8,000 customers

in the last week while and apparently, yeah, they've all been like, that's real cool.

Wow. And so now, yeah, I mean, you just, you just do your, take matters into your own hands,

don't you? I've got an ear tag. Yeah. And they hate that. They do, but everybody use, you use the

ear tags when you would know. Yeah, it was fun. It's, it is fun. It's fun. Yeah. Is it something guys

like, cause they're just like, it's a bit of technology and they're nerdy out of where things

are. And then when you've got it in your bag and you're waiting at the carrier cell, it tells you

that it's close. Oh, like that it's getting closer. So you're like, mine's about to come out.

Warm. Warm. And then it show points in arrow towards where the, it's getting the Bluetooth

signal from. But those only work when someone has an iPhone near the ear tag. Yeah. So if they're

all androids, it's not until someone with an iPhone comes along that it'll, well, I mean,

if you're a baggage and you've got an iPhone that they're going to be like hundreds or thousands

of bags draining your phone. How does it use that? Cause it, it, it pings from other Bluetooth.

I know. But what does it take? Like, does it take battery from you? Does it take

minimal data? Right? It's minimal data. It would be minimal data. It's just a signal.

Like, I've only got enough data to send one message. I'm saving it. Oh, I know.

There's someone who owns it. You need to turn off your data.

When I've got, when I've used, you know, 39.6 of my 40 gigs data.

I don't want people who need that. That's for me. That's your data.

Top six is next. Where, how many days did we say away from Christmas? 87 87 days.

A 24 hour Christmas radio station has launched in America, I believe. Yes. Yeah. So I've got

the top six of the 24 hour radio stations we need. We've got a lot of radio stations already,

don't we? Oh, why not chat a few more on the fire? I mean, pile.

Hello there. A 24 hour Christmas station has been launched 87 days away from Christmas.

24 hours a day, seven days a week. This is Christmas classics. Yeah, radio station in

America. So you're not going to get that here. Am I going to be allowed this year as I was permitted

to last year to play Boney Eames, Mary's Boy, Child Jesus Christ? No, absolutely not. That was a one

time offer. Really? It was a good, it was a terrible song. That's number one. It's not

when last Christmas. It's not Snoopy's Christmas. Long time ago in Beth. Oh, it's bloody good.

That would be that would be on a higher rotate on this 24 hour Christmas station. Yeah. So I've

got the top six other 24 hour radio stations we need here in New Zealand. Global. Number six on

the list. Ads FM. It's just ads. Just ads. Everybody's favorite part of the radio. Okay. So you just

tune in and see your specials and stuff. This guy's cheeky, isn't he? He is cheeky.

I know they pay the wage. I know they pay the wage and I'm being serious. You can tune in and

hear about specials. It's like people who buy coupon books. Oh yeah. That's a book full of coupons.

Yeah. They wouldn't pay your wage if it was an ads only station because they wouldn't need us.

No, but the company just has it. Or do we just come back and go Fletch, Fawn and Haley up next?

More ads. More ads. ZM. He's an ad. Yeah. I think you go back to the drawing board on that one.

Number five on the list of the top six 24 hour radio stations we need Easter music.

There's not as many Easter songs. In fact, my search, my light search turned up none. I was

going to say I don't know of a song about Easter. There's hymns. Yeah. There's like religious ones.

Yeah, right. I don't know if that's going to fly. Christ the Lord has risen. That would

crank. That would pop up. Jesus Christ has risen today. Boom. Pop off. Yeah. Can you do us an hour

intro? Say the time and tell us up next Jesus Christ has risen on Easter FM. On Easter FM.

Yeah. Okay. Six 26. It's Easter FM. Here's Jesus Christ has risen. Pop and off. Pop and off.

By Charles Wesley. Pop and off. Thanks, Charles Wesley. Man, I love that, Charles Wesley. Number

four on the list of the top six 24 hour radio stations we need colored noise FM. Okay.

Brown noise, pink noise, all the noise colors coming up next. It's brown. It's brown noise.

No, you've got to have an hour of brown. If you're on that radio station, you've got to talk softly

like this. Hi. Brown noise FM. Colors noise. If you like white noise, you're going to love what

we've got. I mean that this is the kind of station that would go off at night when people are going

to sleep. Yeah. Noise. That was white noise. Now some brown noise. Rocketing up the charges.

Brown noise. Rocketing up the charge. Number three on the list of the top six 24 hour radio

stations we need. If the noises aren't for you, maybe one chime FM will be. It's just relaxing

sounds. Boomers would love that. Massage music. You know, you go get a massage and they've got

that. Oh, semi quasi Southeast Asian sounding. Some sort of bells. And join us in the winter

months for crackling fire. Oh, yes. Crackling fire. Yes. Yeah, that's later on. Number two on the

list of the top six 24 hour radio stations we need 24 hour weather station. It's just someone local

looking out the window saying the weather over and over. Fine. Fine. Fine. Oh, winds up, winds up,

winds down. Oh, winds up. Oh, but it's raining. It's raining. It's raining. Get the wash again.

It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. It's raining. You joke,

but I think people would lap that up. Yeah. I mean, they could look at the window and get there.

Thing. I'm not talking predictions of what's coming tomorrow. You're talking about current weather.

Yeah, right. Okay. Current weather live in the moment. Yeah. And number one on the list of the

top six 24 hour radio stations we need are Taylor Swift 24 seven other than otherwise known as ZM

about three weeks ago. Again, people lap that up. Big as artists in the world. Did you hear that guy

that Kelsey, Travis Kelsey, who she's been kind of showing a bit of interest in. Yeah,

his NFL shirts had the sales of which have gone up like 800%. Do have you seen the TikTok trend

where girlfriends tell their boyfriends that Taylor Swift put them on the map and they're like,

excuse me? Hey there, my friends call me Big Bobby. I dream big. I like big burgers and I'm big on

streaming. And when it comes to catching those big moments of my favorite shows, I unfold the big

7.6 inch screen of my new Samsung Galaxy Z Fold 5. I love you, James. I've always loved you.

And Big Bobby also gets big feelings. Good for you, James. You deserve it.

Get your Galaxy Z Fold 5 now at the Samsung Experience Store at Americana at brand.

What do you do if you're on a plane and you're watching a movie and there's a sex scene?

It's weird because you don't cover your screen if it's insane violence and it's gratuitous violence,

gory dismemberment with either firepower weapons or a very sharp blade or a blunt

instrument of destruction. But if there's a titty, you're like, oh, I know. It's like that,

isn't it? I try to avoid them. I'll fast forward. I remember being in the aisle seat so everyone

can see. And I watched Brokeback Mountain. Beautiful movie. But great. Yeah, real.

But there's no real. I mean, there's no, that scene wasn't exactly.

No, it wasn't. There was no, you didn't see much.

You didn't even get a bow and nipple, did you?

You didn't even get a Gyllenhaal nipple.

I feel like it's not actually nothing.

Yeah. But I remember being like, oh, people looking over or when I look over and I see

scenes, I'm like, are you getting all hot and bothered about this?

I'm normally watching on my phone. And so you can just like kind of tilt it down.

Yeah. Or if you've got your laptop, it's either phone or laptop. I'll just fast forward.

Yeah. You know, the plus, does Netflix have a plus 15 or something?

Plus team. Yeah. I don't know what, podcasts are famously 15, 15, 15.

Yeah. Thank God. But the plane, the movies and TV shows on a plane and normally edit anything

have you ever been on an Emirates or a, you know, a Middle Eastern airline Qatar?

The movie just cuts from a scene to the next thing.

Well, Singapore's a bit like that too.

Yeah.

Because there's a Singapore Airlines that is a little bit British?

They get everything cut out.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Because that's what people online are arguing about. Like, what do you do?

Right. Because that's what somebody said. You don't even notice what somebody else is

watching until you see them awkwardly like squirming and trying to cover it and pull it

and put their hands in the side of the plane forward and put their hands out.

Then you're like, oh, what are they watching? It draws attention.

Yeah.

I've been watching a show lately at the gym called The League like finished years ago,

but I've always heard it's really good and I am loving it.

It's the guys who created it were seasoned writers on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Great show.

And heavily influenced by Always Sunny in Philadelphia kind of ran in parallel with it.

So it's a great, like two of my favorite shows.

And this shows some of the things set in a wild, like made in that wild period of television from

like 2008 to 2014. So that real wild west of like, can we do this?

Don't know. Let's do it because we're not going to be able to do it forever.

Yeah.

And some of the funniest scenes are like around sex scenes.

Right.

So I'll be laughing, which then makes people like, that guy's having a good time.

I wonder what he's watching.

And then we walk by us and they look at it.

Some guys ass up.

And you're like, you try to cover it or tilt the screen or whatever.

But what were people saying online?

What's it kind of?

Well, one of the main ones was nobody notices until you move.

Right. So just be cool.

Yeah.

Just be chill.

Yeah.

But it is weird though, right?

You don't know where to look.

And is there going to be another season of Curb Your Enthusiasm?

Yes, there is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

When's that out?

Well, it was due to come out end of this year, but I don't know if the writers,

but it was all done, I think.

Yeah.

So hopefully, hopefully Saturday next year.

So I know it's so brilliant, isn't it?

It's so brilliant.

Come out.

Yeah.

How good was it?

He made Seinfeld and then was just like, oh, I've got so much money.

And he's like, I'm bored.

I'm kind of bored.

I want to do something.

And he's made a show on par with Seinfeld.

It's so good.

Shit.

It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole, silly little pole, silly little pole,

silly little pole, silly little pole.

Which cop holder in a car in the center console, if they are front and back,

does the driver use?

Front towards the dashboard, back probably near a store of a storage thing.

Yeah.

That's it.

Well, I can only use one of mine because I still, you might have remembered about a year ago,

I left a melted Santé bar in the middle console, and that's still just in there?

Still in there.

You've even like chipped it away?

No, no, so the back is available, but the front is Santé.

So you could, you could put a cup in there, but it would just be covered in Santé.

Depending on the weather.

If it's melted, if it's ring melted, or if it's still solid.

You might get a little marking.

But some of you got a full Santé dip.

Yeah.

You probably dip a cone in there almost.

You could dip a cone in there.

I wouldn't because I will reiterate, there's about a year ago this happened.

Yeah, okay.

It's gross in there, man.

You might want to clean that out.

Driver gets the front cup holder, right?

Yeah, I reckon.

That's sort of universally agreed upon.

83% of people said front towards the dash.

Who are these monsters that like the back?

I don't know.

Of course, of course.

Of course, bloody bin juices into us.

Produce the Shannon.

Why the back one?

I like the stability of it.

I was going to say it does often offer a stability because if you just are blindly grabbing,

you run your hand from the back slowly, you feel it would go down and you wouldn't hit the cup.

Karate chop it.

Yeah, and mine's kind of like a tiered system.

Sorry?

Like the back one's deeper.

The front one's a bit more shallow.

So the back one's a bit more deep.

Oh, fancy.

And there's a little bottle opener in the middle to separate them.

V-dubs have a bottle opener like a beer opener.

That doesn't feel great in a car.

I know, it doesn't feel great, but it's useful.

Right.

But yes, I'm a back girl.

Should you be, um, should you let it just linger?

Hello, does this thing on?

Testing, testing.

Am I awake?

Is this, yeah.

Should you be allowed to be fumbling around for a cup when you're on your restricted?

No, and especially not with my passengers.

No, but all my friends have had their licenses for like years and years,

so I can like drive for them.

So they're like supervised drivers.

So is anyone, when you've got a passenger and you take the back cup holder,

are they like, that's weird?

Yeah, actually.

But it's, but it's, I farmed driving.

I'm taking the back.

Oh, yeah, you're the driver.

What about, okay, what about this?

What about you go through the nonnies drive through and you get your combo and then you're,

you're the passenger.

What about the holder in the door?

Yeah, I love that.

But sometimes the, the vessels too fat and it leans.

You can't put anything other than a seal tight water bottle in the door.

No, I'm talking about like a, no, no, no, no, no, that's mad.

You're asking for trouble because that's a deeper one.

And when you, it's not my car, is it?

I mean, generally those ones are already a little bit on a lane.

You're going to have dribble and when you go to grab it,

the lid's going to pop off and it's going to go everywhere.

You're right there.

Okay.

Yeah, it's not good.

Maybe, maybe they could give us a really long straw.

So I didn't have to move it.

So you just, yeah.

Lip to straw.

If it's a paper straw, it'll be buggered before the drink gets to the top of the straw.

Oh my God.

I got a frozen margarita in Melbourne with a paper straw,

which is so slow, right?

To drink a frozen margarita and it absolutely like matted itself through the,

I said to abandon the drink.

No, just go lips to glass.

No, I tried, but it was so frozen.

It was one of those big like mountainous frozen.

I would have just got a spoon and just spooned it straight into the gob.

I'm not missing out on a margie.

Yeah, I'm not leaving a mark.

You never leave a mark behind.

I left a mark behind.

Wow.

No mark left behind.

That would be great if you go to Mexico on like a girls trip.

That would be what your tour is called.

Yes.

No mark left behind.

No mark left behind.

And camera.

Oh my God, for margarita, it's like hens do.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Brilliant.

Mugs are mugs.

We could do that for your hens do in Italy.

Yeah.

We'll get, oh, it's just.

No, we're going to Spain.

No, the budget.

From Italy to Spain.

It's time.

For the margaritas.

Yeah.

Okay.

Some feedback.

Danny said both, one for my water bottle and one for my coffee.

The passenger has hands free so they can hold onto their drink.

Oh, wow.

Oh, I'll still use one.

My phone goes in the front hole.

Drink goes in the back hole.

Both holes.

If the passenger needs the drink holder,

I'll move my phone and they can use the front hole.

Okay.

But again, they've got hands free.

We've just learned this absolutely free hands.

I want to say front, but some twat, her words are not mine, says Alex,

designed my car with a front cup holder too small for a cup.

And thus the back cup holder is required.

You need that bunnings thing that everybody was buying from the plumbing section.

Yeah.

So everybody could fit their prank green.

Yeah.

All of the above says, Janna, I'm a thirsty bitch.

Right.

So she's, she's from.

Double.

You're about to say it.

I was.

She's double cup holding.

She's double cup holding.

Melanie said, which is,

whichever isn't full of shriveled up receipts and straw wrappers.

Yeah.

So she's, she's versatile.

We should actually do another silly poll another time.

Like, is there a gunky substance at the bottom of your cup holder?

Yeah, coagulated.

Or just an open question.

What's in your cup holder?

That's not a cup.

Yes.

Yeah.

Say that for another day.

It's always receipts.

Melted santa.

Chocolate bar wrappers.

Yeah.

Little cheeky.

Pan out.

Slab.

Play.

Zerian, Sphledge, Vaughan and Haley.

Now the girlfriend effect is trending on the talk because

people are noticing that men get hotter the second that they get a girlfriend.

And it is simply the reality that women, we sweep on into your lives

and we help you find a style that suits you.

We give you a reason to fluff the hair in the morning or do you moisturising skin?

Yeah.

And we make you suddenly and quite notably hotter.

People are looking at people like Sam Worthington, Ben Affleck,

instantly hotter the moment that he's with J-Lo.

Yeah.

When he was on his own, he was getting a bit rougher on the edges, wasn't he?

Yeah, he was getting laid off the booze probably about as well there.

Yeah, oh yeah.

He always looked a bit like hungover all the time, puffy.

Exactly.

So they say, so an average looking man will score a girlfriend and suddenly he's wearing

nice sneakers and he stopped wearing his loud printed board shorts.

And you know, maybe he just gets his sort of slightly slimmer leg in the jean.

Yeah.

Or if he's already a skinny jean, he loosens up the jean.

Yeah.

And everyone's going, you've never looked better.

That's it.

It is literally the girlfriend effect.

We've known this for a long time.

Women love a do-up.

Love a reno.

We love a reno.

We love to fix guys.

I love a renovators dream.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know that I did.

I, I choose Aaron's outfit sometimes, but he's not, he's not super into fashion.

Like fashion, you know.

It's not his passion.

It's not his passion, but he likes to look nice.

But yeah, I like to dress him up and I know what works.

Yeah.

Works well.

And sometimes you'll wear black, brown and brown shoes and I go, oh, stop it there.

We're not matching.

We're not matching.

We're not matching.

We're not matching.

We're not matching.

We're not matching.

We're not matching.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I'll see something out and I'll make bold choices for him sometimes and he looks great.

I mean, Vaughn, you very famously, you, your, your wife did you up, didn't she?

Have you seen the before and after photos?

Yeah.

Well, I've seen, I've seen some early days photos of you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I also did her up financially.

Well, yeah, you gave her money.

Well, she was working at Lippie and she had that fast card.

She had a Mitsubishi GSR turbo Lancer.

I always forget that your wife was a Hamilton girl racer.

I always forget it.

Yeah.

Always.

That thing was a rocket.

Now I said, that's not safe.

That thing is going through a lot of petrol.

She was chewing up insurance money.

Oh, insurance.

Because those aren't cheap.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People.

And she was working at Lippie, but spending all of her money at Lippie.

Now that's what we call the.

Is Lippie still a thing?

No.

Because there was this.

It was while Pierre and Lippie and she worked at Lippie.

They were one company.

I don't know if it's stuff or herald.

They keep using a stock image with Lippie in it.

Really?

And like a story about malls or something.

Yeah.

And a story about the economy and shopping and yeah.

Lippie's been gone for years.

I saw it last week because I meant to say to you,

didn't Shade work there?

Yeah, Shade worked there.

It was Lippie and Wild Pierre.

So that was so cool.

I remember exactly where it is in center place in Hamilton

when you're coming off Ward Street.

It was on the right.

Would you go in there and say, how's it?

So you were looking for the miniskirts?

I said that.

I said that.

No, no, I met her and then I learned she worked there.

So when I went in there, I knew she was.

Oh, right.

Okay.

So people are literally sharing the before and after being like,

oh my God, this is the girlfriend effect

is absolutely true because he's my boyfriend.

It's all these like embarrassing photos of them looking terrible.

And this is him now.

And they're like, there's one here they've done.

Men also tend to just as you get a bit older,

I think you stop trying as hard maybe and you're just

are happy to just.

Take some advice into it a little bit.

But there's a great photo.

Right.

He's been Affleck on before he was back with JLo.

But that's also been after those photos where they were just like,

what's happened to Batman?

He's got some Dunkin Donuts in his hand and he's really pissed off.

And then on the next photo with JLo suit looking really good.

He's Channing Tatum with his wife, girlfriend.

Yeah.

Looking incredible.

He has him single.

He's wearing gold Haram pants.

You know, now that's not a fashion move that a woman would encourage.

It's really not a producer.

Jared, you would say that your girlfriend has had the girlfriend effect on you.

Oh, big time.

Yeah.

I used to have a little mop, a little, what's the Koyf calic little situation?

Yeah, I don't think it's called a Koyf.

This is not a Koyf.

No, it's called a Koyf.

Koyf.

Jared, please do not say that on the radio.

It's a Koyf, it's 12 minutes past 10.

Wow, pencil.

If it's in your hair, it's a Koyf.

A Koyf, sorry.

And if it's anywhere else.

If it's sneaking out through your hair, it's a Koyf.

You don't want Koyf in your hair.

No, no.

Wow, please, Jared.

Wow, just, yeah.

Really?

I apologize for any listeners.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

The producer, Jared, has offended.

Ah!

Yeah, with that horrible reserail.

How am I supposed to explain this to the kids?

Yeah.

Yeah, I had like scruffy hair, clean shaven, looked a bit like a, just a knob.

And now a bit of a skucks with a shaved head and a thick mozzie.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

Yeah, and when you, she dresses you up.

When you team up your mozzie with your Koyf, that's what I wanted to know,

but that would be her combo.

Don't be rude.

Don't be rude.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I think it's an improvement.

But yeah, good stuff.

And so you're saying without the new girlfriend,

you wouldn't look like this.

Oh, no.

You'd still look like.

I'd look like a wildebeest.

Yeah.

I tried in Melbourne with Fletch to give him the girlfriend technique.

We went shopping together.

Oh my God, it's so sucks going shopping with girls.

All he did was buy two pairs of pants that he already own.

Cause I like them.

They fit me.

And then a jacket that looks really good.

He said, oh no, no, no.

That jacket was so expensive.

Well, what?

Come on.

You spend nothing on yourself?

We're not girl-maths in this jacket.

Has he bought the boots yet?

He's bought the boots.

I couldn't, we didn't even get there.

Too expensive.

About 10 minutes in, he said, I'm over it.

Yeah.

Oh, we don't want to go.

I was so hungover though.

I did not last long shopping.

Yeah, it does.

ZM's Fletch won an Ailey.

The gods were in my favour last night.

Yesterday.

Sorry.

It was just a beautiful day where things just clicked into place.

Yeah.

Okay.

We went, well, we decided,

cause we've been sort of at home working on the house

and we decided yesterday it's a bit quieter.

We're getting towards the end.

We're like, let's get out of the house.

Let's go do some things.

And then we sat in the car with the engine on

and the driver going, where should we go?

You forgot.

You forgot how to leave.

Forgot how to leave.

Then we decided we're going to head out

to one of our favourite antiques doors,

drove out there.

And it's this amazing place out in West Auckland

where on one side of the road is the antiques store.

And on the other side, you go down a driveway

and there's a second part to the antiques store.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Okay.

So we would go down the driveway,

like let's go down to the other one first

and we get there and it's closed.

But then down the driveway further, we're like,

what's that?

Hustle and bustle.

We find a pub.

Sniffed it out.

You're like one of those beagles at the airport

except it's not money or drugs or fruit you're sniffing for.

It's pubs.

Pubs.

Yeah.

I'll find it.

And then we were like, hey, oh, it's one o'clock.

We haven't had lunch.

Yeah.

Let's go.

Okay.

So we go into this pub and look at that.

It's got a little lunch meeting.

We went into this like, you know,

those outdoor sort of conservatory areas

with the pull down plastics.

We went in there and there was a baby shower there.

And it was weird.

There was like a big table with a baby shower

and then two small tables.

We're like, we'll just sit out here.

And then they started the speeches and it was awkward.

So Erin and I were having our lunch talking like this.

Wait, what was said in the speeches?

It felt like it was quite a lot of work friends there.

Real mixed bag.

Right.

Okay.

And they did a lot of gift giving and well wishes.

Any good gifts?

Yeah.

Some cute stuff.

Okay.

Someone hand knitted something.

Oh.

That's no.

Really nice actually.

Didn't make you clucky.

Not at all.

No.

No.

Not at all.

Yeah, good.

Sealed it up if anything.

But that was cute.

And then we off the lunch special,

we ordered the burger.

We were like, yeah, let's eat to get a burger.

Burger, chips and a glass of house white.

Perfect.

This is a great day.

Yeah.

Anyway, so we eat the burger, the chips

and the glass of house white.

And then we go across.

Did you buy?

Oh, I'm sorry.

You're going back there.

We go across to the op shop, to the antique store.

We did buy, we bought an old,

you know those old wooden phone boxes

that like, so you would like,

have your own on the side.

And it was like really, really old.

Yeah, you pick it up.

What are you just going to put your cell phone in it?

No, it's a charging station.

No, somebody had taken out the phone side of it

and turned it into a small sort of like display shelf.

Pop plant.

No, and we're going to,

we're going to put like some sort of little bits

and pieces in there.

Okay.

Give it a bit of a vision for us.

A taxidermied outfit maybe.

Yeah, perhaps.

On the phone.

On the phone.

And Otto on the phone.

Oh yeah.

Hello, Otto Rater.

That's what it's called.

That's what it's called.

Ladies and gentlemen, great piece.

I will be leaving the show.

It's going to get a bit of a mess.

Genius from you.

It's enough at will.

Anyway, and then Aaron pulled a man

and then said like, I'm tired.

I want to go home.

And I was like, yep.

Sweet.

Well, that's enough for me.

He pulled a man.

That's great.

When I'm now shopping, I'm like,

I'm tired.

I've had enough.

Yeah.

Shout out.

We'll be like, go find an arcade.

I'll be like, OK, I'll see you later then.

Yeah, totally.

And then on the way back.

Always, always pulling a man.

Always pulling a man.

Oh, he loves it.

Not anymore.

University though.

Uni.

Oh, stop.

You do these things.

Anyway, on the way back to our house,

we stopped at the local pub.

Now, I know it seems that we've gone pub crawling,

but we're not.

I went in to make a booking for my birthday weekend,

which is next weekend.

You haven't forgotten.

No, it's in the calendar.

It's in the calendar.

And I was like, well, we'll just pop in.

I'll make a booking for our little drinky booze

that we're going to have.

Oh, we're going to go when we have a cider.

So we go and it's literally around the corner from our house.

So we went in and we had a cider.

And then the manager, who we know and love very much,

Thomas, came over and he was chatting to us

and he was like, hey, do you guys want to be the first

to try our burger?

He's from the UK.

Yeah.

We're like, what burger?

I guessed that.

Thank you.

Travis Scott.

Because of your acting.

And then we went there and we were like,

he was like, do you want to be the first to try our burger?

Wait, this is only an hour after you've just had a burger.

Up 30 minutes.

Okay.

So you've gone pub to pub, burger to burger.

Well, we were like, no, I was so full, I didn't even finish

the chips with my original burger.

And then Thomas is like, do you want to try our burger?

You'll be the first punters to try the burger

because it's part of a competition.

Wait, is this a free burger too?

Dude, this is a free burger.

Oh my God.

So I'm like, you can't say no to that.

What am I going to do?

Say no.

And we were like, absolutely.

Yeah.

So then he brings out a free burger

and we eat a second burger.

Wait, this is like exactly the same time that you said

you couldn't make the gym class with me yesterday.

Yeah, I know.

Well, she couldn't just fill a burger and put wine inside us.

Yeah.

Well, what am I going to do?

Eat two burgers and then come work out with you,

your fitness freak?

It's not happening, is it?

Absolutely not.

No.

So good.

So from October the first, which is a mere three days away,

30 days have September.

April, June, and November.

All the rest have 31 except for February that has 29 every leap year.

28.

Do you know leap year?

Leap year.

Long tease.

Yup.

Today's fact of the day, we're in ancient Rome week.

Yes.

Part of today's fact of the day has to do with the months of the year.

Okay.

That's only a small part of what is a big beautiful fat plump.

I'll see you in an hour.

I can't wait.

It's not going anywhere.

From October the first.

I literally have to be here though.

Yes, I have to be here as well.

I am going somewhere.

You have to be here more than me and Vaughn do to be fair.

Push the buttons.

Push the buttons.

And you'll need me for the fact of the day.

I guess one of us is pointless then.

I guess one of us has approximately one hour to prove.

I'm going to ask you, hey friend, I'm going to ask you friend,

not to highlight that.

One of us has an hour to prove.

And this time in my financial life.

I'm going to ask you not to mention that I don't need to be here.

And I don't prove.

I think you need to be here.

I'm the boobs.

Yeah, exactly.

Now, I can be the boobs.

Give me a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks, couple of double burger days.

Yeah, yeah.

You'll get there.

I can eat my way to boobs.

From October the first, you will only have to pay an application fee.

Rather than a whole new fee to reset your driver's license if you failed it.

Which is great for those that constantly fail their license.

Yes.

Now the initial cost of that, okay.

Beautiful.

You are proving yourself a worthwhile broadcasting adversary.

Because she's got the information of which I was about to ask for.

Thank you.

Well, the initial cost to book is going to rise slightly.

They got you.

They got us.

Yeah.

They got us.

So like if you were someone who has always studied hard,

you're always going to pass it.

You're just going to pay a little bit more.

So for your learners from $93.90 to $96.10.

Oh my God.

I'm not going to age myself,

but I'm pretty sure it was like $30 when I got my learners.

Yeah.

Ninety what?

Ninety drifted is going from $134.8 to $167.50.

Geez.

Now that's the most expensive one,

because you restrict it as when you get behind the wheel.

Yeah, you got out with the instructor.

That's more like, how long?

No.

But the fault you do now too, right?

You do now with the fault on your driver now.

The fault you do, but you've already been a driver for a while,

whereas the restricted one takes you from pen and paper

to being in the car with them.

So and then the full license is now going to be a little bit cheaper

from $109.50 to $98.90.

Ninety.

So Shannon at these social media days,

who's still on your,

how long have you been on your restricted?

I think I'm five years deep now.

I'm 24.

But then you, oh no.

Good Lord.

$98 is all you need.

Are you offering to pay for it?

Glech for a kind of year.

Yes, he is.

Yes, he is.

I'm so flinch.

Gets you out of trouble because you drive,

but she drives with passengers?

Yeah, I know.

They're all old enough though.

But like she said before,

they've all had their license for the last four years,

so typically she's not right.

She was just me breaking curfew every morning

because we start so early.

Oh my God.

I will just, can we just leave you here?

But I should just get the license.

Can we just pay you with the work credit card?

Well, I thought you already offered.

You've changed your tune.

I did get a refund yesterday.

Yeah, that's free money.

I did get free money yesterday.

No, if you go by, put them towards your bloody boots,

for God's sake.

No, they're too expensive.

Now, so, because usually if you failed it,

which I did when I set my full license,

because lots of people,

they always say like,

you never pass on this the first time,

but that made them decide that.

Yeah, yeah.

Born, dad.

Yeah, but that was back in the 70s.

It was in the 19th bitch.

No, it was in the 2000s.

It was in the 70s because I remember

smoking a cigarette and stopping for a couple of years

halfway around the year.

Yeah.

No seat belts.

No, no, no.

The kids were fighting in the back,

rolling all around the place.

So now you're not going to have to pay.

They're going to scrap the reset fee.

Which is good, yeah,

because you don't need that stress or that cost

just because you're useless.

Just because you sucked.

Oh, mine was that.

Ironically, mine was that I didn't talk enough.

I didn't say, oh, there's a this and there's a this and there's a this.

I went overboard.

I went overboard.

They're like, say all the hazards.

I'm like, the cyclist is up there on the left.

The band.

A power line could fall on the road.

The moon could hit the earth.

Yeah, the sky is really blue.

Yeah, that plane could get distracted by the clouds.

Yeah, exactly.

Just go overboard.

Yeah, totally.

Well, I didn't go overboard enough.

Producer Jared, how many times did you fail your learners?

Three times in the same day.

Oh, that's the written one, right?

Yeah.

Oh, horn.

Did you not know what to do when you pass a horse?

No, there was like sound the alarm.

Sound the alarm.

Toot and wave.

There were some answers that were so obvious.

I thought they were kind of trick questions because the main one.

You tried to psychoanalyze the learners' test.

The main one that tripped me up was apparently,

when you reverse, you're supposed to get out the car,

walk around it, check for any obstructions.

Oh, no.

As nobody gets that.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I was like, that's ridiculous.

Who does that and got that wrong and failed?

I was I came so close to failing.

I think was the learners one where there's oral questions at the end.

There was an oral component.

There was an oral component.

And so I was in this room of like 15 or 10.

I think you start with oral.

No.

My oral was at the end.

I don't know.

I was oral and then the scratchy.

Now mine was scratchy and then the questions.

And I was in this room of like 10 people

and he'd asked all of these people the easy questions.

And then I'm last and I'm like,

oh, he can't ask me any of those questions

because I've heard the answers.

And then he says to me, name the three times

you don't have to wear a seatbelt.

And that's why I'll always remember this question.

When you're going off a cliff.

No.

When you're only popping out to the shops.

Yeah.

And when you're popping out to the shops

and when you're doing some drifting.

When you're doing Tokyo Drift

because you want to get the full swag.

Reversing.

No, you don't take your belt off.

Someone could absolutely slam into you.

You don't have to wear a seatbelt reversing.

What?

I'm pretty sure that was a thing.

And there's when you're pregnant,

if you have an exemption, I think.

Not anymore, surely.

That sounds like some 90, 30, 90 stuff.

There were three times you didn't have to wear a seatbelt.

If you are physically unable to turn around

to see behind you, when you're restrained by a seatbelt,

you are permitted to take it off.

And if you're an enforcement officer,

transporting a person who isn't an enforcement officer,

where it might be considered impractical

or dangerous to wear a seatbelt,

or you are executing work duties.

Those are the three now.

Yeah, there must have been some different ones.

And then there was one about a towing or something.

I don't know.

I got all these hard ones, but I passed.

Good Lord.

Yeah.

Well done.

All right, so we want to know this morning

how many times you've failed.

I know.

Because you're not going to have to pay the fee now

and memory of this fee.

Yeah.

We want to get your money's worth out of this extra fee

you had to pay over and over again.

Surely some people.

Yeah.

I mean, we're starting at three.

We've got...

Can you beat three?

Two or three?

Jared is the benchmark of poor driving.

Failing three times in one day.

We're talking about how many times

you've failed your license test.

Yes.

You don't have to pay to reset it now.

Yeah, from October 1st, you can fail away.

Fail away.

Fail away.

Fail away.

Oh my God.

Can I tell you a funny story?

I'm really going to like this.

When we're...

This is very unrelated,

but it just talked to me about fail away.

Poor Ligo, we were on tour,

and a woman came past in the through the green room,

and she said, I'm just passing through.

And Paul goes, pass away.

Pass away.

Is it die?

Yeah, yeah, no.

The funny bit was that she was like 80 years old.

Right.

Yeah.

Okay, right.

Anyway.

Look, you get to be there.

Yeah, pretty low.

You get to be there.

It's funny.

Location centric.

Pass away.

Yeah, yeah.

Pass away.

Pass away.

Thanks for that.

Pass away.

Oh, 800 dials at EM, you can call.

Text 9, 6, 9, 6.

How many times have you failed?

Let's start with Taylor.

Taylor, what's the magic number?

Well, I failed two of my licenses.

I failed my learners once,

and then I failed my restricted twice.

How do you fail your restricted twice?

What were you getting wrong?

It was, I said it in,

we still put it in a double lane roundabout,

and I failed twice on the double lane roundabout.

Double lane roundabouts are pretty low.

Lots of indicating.

I'll be honest, Taylor.

I'll go skewer through a double lane roundabout even now.

I'll just slide on over between the lanes.

You'd love an indicate out.

I do too.

Some people don't indicate out.

I strictly enforce it as well.

Is Vaughan, are you an indicate out of a roundabout?

It depends on the mood.

Yeah, you're such an errand.

I always say, you know, you've got to interact.

Let that guy know.

He's just waiting there for you,

and you're turning left.

He doesn't know.

Yeah.

And so each time, Taylor, you had to pay the fee again.

Yeah.

Oh, OK.

Go on.

There you go.

And then you passed it finally.

You remember the hot Danish twins?

I don't think you ever had the pleasure.

The hot Danish twins.

Just on roundabouts.

No, no, no.

She can stay.

Taylor can stay.

Sorry, Taylor.

The hot Danish roundabout, the hot Danish twins,

passed their driver's license,

and then they were driving once,

and they flew into a roundabout, nearly caused a crash,

and I said, what the hell's going on?

Didn't you just pass your license?

And they said, yes.

I said, did you go through a roundabout?

They said, yes, it was very quiet.

Is the rule not first in here first served?

No.

No, you give way to the right.

Yeah.

No.

Taylor, thank you.

Vikas, good morning.

How many times did you fail?

Vika?

Oh, sorry, Vika?

Vika?

Vikas.

Vikas, yeah, yeah.

Vikas.

Vikas, okay, Vikas.

Yeah, in New Zealand it was a couple of times,

but in Dubai I failed nine times.

I was literally about to say,

when we were talking about come first in first served,

when I was in Dubai, the rule was just two,

and just two, and two, and two,

and just let them know that you come through

and then you two, and you two, and you two.

Oh, it's like, I can drive anywhere in the world.

I drive in India, and it's like,

in India it's not give way, it's take way.

That's so quiet.

I like that.

Yeah, but in Dubai you had to give your taste in a manual car,

and it wasn't that I was making any mistake,

but it's just that they had a number of people

they could pass in a day and I just missed out.

So nine times I failed.

Lucas, did you have to pay each time?

Yes, I had to.

Oh my God.

That's going to be, you must have one of the most expensive licenses

in the world.

In the world.

Probably.

Amazing.

Thank you for sharing.

Let's go to Melissa.

Melissa, how many times have you failed?

I failed my full license twice,

after I had my restricted so long that it expired,

and I had to renew it before giving my full license.

Wait, isn't it five years or something like that?

Oh, I think it was like...

Yeah, this is going to be our Shannon.

This is going to be our Shannon.

Oh my God, look at Shannon opening up her license

to see if it's expired.

Is it?

When does it expire, Shannon?

I've only got like six months.

Yes!

This is going to happen.

And I'm when your hand is forced.

I love this.

Very timely, Melissa, actually.

Thank you, Melissa.

Somebody messaged you and saying,

I wrote off my car on my restricted test.

They don't say we're going to have to pass the failed,

but I reckon it probably failed.

Because you go into a 100K zone on your restricted A.

I did, and I went on an AD.

Okay.

And I drove too slow.

I had a friend that got told to turn down a one-way street

by the tester and failed,

because it was a trap, it was an entrapment.

Well, you can't do that.

Yeah, they did.

Somebody said that they've been on their restricted

for 28 years.

Too scared to go for full, please don't expire.

But 28 years.

We just kept renewing it.

28 years, maybe they, before they expired.

But surely they expired.

Licenses themselves expire.

Yeah, but you just reorder it.

I had to go in and get a new photo and everything,

do the eye tests.

Yeah, so did I.

But do they do that if you're 28 years later

on your restricted?

I don't know.

It's weird that in 28 years they've never been like,

well, you also got to think about your insurance.

Because if you ever crash in there

or people on the car or you're out of curfew,

they're not going to pay.

My son failed his restricted five times

on one attempt at the exam and I pointed out

that a plain clothes cop was following him

and he was doing over the speed.

Just want to slow down, mate.

We've got a plain clothes cop behind us.

He's like, man, this is how I'm going to drive.

I might as well practice.

My brother failed his restricted five times,

made me terrified to sit mine.

When I finally did sit it, I passed on the first go.

Yeah, still says all the time he's a bit of driver than me.

I said, testing officer, sure doesn't think so.

Yeah, lots of people, multiple times.

So there you go.

The news is if you fail it and need to reset it,

you don't need to pay the whole fee again.

All these messages as well have just made me feel

super safe out there on our roads.

Someone just said they failed their learners six times

because they just didn't study or practice,

just keep going and be like, I'll give it another whack.

Just read the bloody book.

At Ralph's, we know the minute a tomato is picked,

the fresh timer starts.

The sooner we get our produce to you,

the fresher it is.

That's why we've shortened the time from harvest to home

for our tasty tomatoes, strawberries and salads.

So no matter how you shop,

you have more time with your fresh produce.

Ralph's fresh for everyone.

We've locked in low prices to help you save big store wide.

Look for the locked in low prices tags

and enjoy extra savings throughout the store.

Ralph's fresh for everyone.

Boy math is taking over now.

Do you have an intro for boy math born?

Play the girl math and we'll just overdub it.

Okay.

Girl math, boy math, boy math, boy math, boy math.

Yeah, that was good, that was good.

You couldn't even tell it's like we're done in a studio.

Girl math is traditionally girls justifying spending.

Yes.

By breaking down the cost of that purchase

to make it significantly nothing.

But boy math is real mean, it's not even math.

It's woman attacking men for faults,

which a lot of them are very fair.

A lot of them are justified.

Yeah.

Completely.

Right.

Yeah.

Give us some examples.

Do you want to hear some?

Yeah.

Boy math is demanding a prenup when you earn $45,000.

You won't get a dime out of me.

Something a real full on like sort of like you're doing.

I might give that one a wide, I might give that one a wide berth.

Boy math is wanting zero kids, but having zero condoms on hand.

Yep, great.

Boy math is how five foot nine measures six foot.

Yeah, that's good.

That's a good one.

Come on, guys, always round up.

Yeah.

So wait, boy math is just men taking the purse.

Boy math is putting on a jersey with another man's growing name on it

underneath a number while every Sunday mocking the beehive.

On every Sunday while mocking the beehive.

Right.

So they're saying they can be in a fandom,

very specific fandom, but not appreciate other ones.

Right.

Boy math is the original boy math is quite from clueless,

from share from clueless.

He said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that means Thursday.

So that's boy math.

Boy math is having a 70 inch television, but no dining table.

So basically it's critical observations of men with a number attached.

Yeah, right.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's me.

That's main.

That's all wrong.

Yeah.

But boy math is not having any gold, but accusing woman of being gold diggers.

Great.

Great.

Yeah.

George bird like that one.

George bird chucking in the background.

Boy math is knowing everything about your favorite rapper,

but not knowing their kid is allergic to nuts.

What?

Oh, your own kid.

Your own kid.

So it's just talking about useless men.

What about that one that was in the group chat?

That was a very good one.

I don't know if I can read that out.

You could replace some words.

Oh no.

Now I want to know.

Boy math is opening up your marriage so you can sleep with other people and then getting mad

because your wife is sleeping with significantly more people and you've severely overestimated

your market value.

Yeah.

It is always funny hearing guys talking about open relationships.

Yeah.

They were like, we need to open up the relationship.

And then the woman just went out and who destroyed a city.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he was like, oh, man.

We're shaking it.

Girl math is bloody hell.

It's everywhere at the moment, isn't it?

It's bloody everywhere.

We're going to justify a purchase for one caller.

Carl Fletcher, welcome to the show.

Oh my God.

Now we are sick.

No.

To death.

No.

Of this man, this childless man.

I'm not doing girl math.

He's doing.

He's someone for girl math.

He's doing all right for himself.

Oh no.

And he won't buy himself a pair of freaking boots that he's been talking about and wanting for so long.

I just walked past the store and I said, those are nice boots.

And then I saw how much they are and I'm not buying these boots.

This has been a result in him getting a free pair of these boots.

We're not buying him boots.

I'm not buying these boots.

No, Ari Williams is an Australian company.

He's going to give a toss about us.

They'll have a New Zealand distributor.

Are they the classic?

No.

No, that's the one.

That's my Ari Williams.

Those are born wears.

I don't want to show it.

Born in people from Christchurch wear those.

Georgia's got a pair.

On behalf of myself and people in Christchurch.

We're offended.

Which by the way, there is a lake in Hackley Park.

Are you going to meet a lace-up?

Our boys said that.

We're the lace-ups.

Don't get RMs and have a lace-up RM.

That's not RMs.

No, they're these real nice lace-up ones.

But the laces are like leather, which I don't like.

So you'd have to get proper laces.

But like, they are ridiculously expensive.

$749.

Which is why I was like, no, no, no.

See, this is why boys...

They last the life...

I'd gulmath this before we even knew what gulmath was.

When I was buying these boots and I said to Shadda,

they last the lifetime.

I got a deal.

It came with a belt.

So that's a freebie.

I got the belt for free.

Do you know how much of money that is?

Oh, it's $749.

$749.

That is the one pair of boots.

They are my nice boots and they will be my nice boots

till I die and I realized it was a lot of money.

And then your daughter's going to inherit them one day.

Yeah.

Well, they don't have size 11 for it.

It's a size 13 women's.

Couple of hundred dollars most for a pair of boots.

Couple of hundred more kind of leather boots.

Are you getting for 200 bucks?

I don't know about those.

That is so...

It's the most expensive item of clothing I own.

Yeah.

Buy a mile.

Can I ask what...

Can I ask what when you go out, what nice shoes do you wear?

I don't go out.

This is why I wear...

No, when you dress up, when you go to a wedding,

what nice shoes do you wear?

I've got some black dress shoes.

How embarrassing.

They're embarrassing.

What do you mean how embarrassing?

That's a big noise.

Oh, are they your town shoes?

Yeah.

They put someone to go to town.

Pointy town shoes.

You can get to the pubs.

They're my town sketches.

What were those?

Royals.

They're royals.

Oh, my God.

I never own those.

I never own those.

Men in your 40s, look back now and be ashamed of your royals.

I think girlies come on in.

Shannon, Karwin, because look,

we had a few messages for GirlMath and I just...

We just need to get this out of the way,

to get these boots in your house.

Okay, if you can GirlMaths me on these boots,

I will be impressed.

Oh, this is like work.

Oh, okay.

Well, we need to do...

Like, so...

Because you've been to so many weddings

in the last two years.

I've got a lot coming up.

Yeah.

Predominantly homosexual weddings as well.

So you've got to look nice.

Does that...

Okay, you've got...

Which just means you've got to look nice.

Okay, yeah, that's true.

If you're going to hetero weddings,

you can kind of get away with a sloppy shoot.

Sloppy shoot.

Plastic sole goes by.

If you're heading to a gay wedding...

You know all the gays of that wedding

are judging your footwear.

The expectation is so much higher.

So how many weddings?

One, two, three, four-ish weddings?

I guess, yeah.

Plus mine next year.

And if you are coming to Italy

and you're coming to my wedding...

You're not wearing your royals.

No, Vaughan and I are wearing white linen and sandals.

No, Aaron's wearing...

You can't...

We're all wearing white linen.

You are wearing white linen.

Wait, Tudor, you'll take white linen.

You'll tell them at the groom

I'm going to be wearing wings as well.

Yeah, Vaughan and I have already purchased

our Richard Branson linens.

Okay.

Fine.

I mean, should we start with a cost per wear?

I mean, it's bloody easy.

Yeah, looking online,

it's got about a 15 to 20-year expectancy

of how long it'll go.

If you're dividing...

Oh, my God!

Yeah.

If you're dividing that by $7.50,

we're looking at less than $50 a year.

Oh, that's pretty good, isn't it?

That's less than a dollar a week.

Yeah, right.

We're talking, what, $0.20 a day, if that?

$0.20 a day.

$0.20 a day.

Are you kidding me?

Even if you break it down to $0.50 a year?

I'm sure there's some sort of RM...

We'll cross to our RM correspondent, Georgia Burt.

Isn't there some sort of deal like...

There's a lot...

They'll fix them, they'll polish them.

There's a whole lot of stuff where,

if something goes wrong, they'll take care of it.

No, you're not thinking about Hailey's handbag

or the one that she lost.

No, but you're right.

They do.

That's like in a...

It's like a forever care thing.

So then you're going,

how much would you spend at the cobbler?

I mean, you're harp on about how good a cobbler is.

I've got a good cobbler.

I've got a good cobbler.

Every time I've had boots resold or patched or something,

it's like almost as cost of a cheap pair of boots, $100.

So now you're going $50 a year minus $100 a year.

Right.

You're making money as a second salary of $50 a year.

I wouldn't even do that to you.

That's about a national tax, I think.

Don't mean to get political, shouldn't it?

Yeah.

I can count myself.

Yeah.

Also, can we add...

Fletch buys everything on his AmEx.

Because he gets the airpoints.

AmEx points!

He's going to get the points.

Oh my God, so many points.

It's a point, it's a point.

What would $749 equate to in the points?

Or be that many points.

Well, that's...

Yeah.

And those points, you can spend these dollar for dollar?

No, I do.

What do they convert to?

What do you convert them to?

Or do they change, they fluctuate.

Can you convert them to, like, airpoints?

Yeah, you can, yeah.

So how about the conversion rate of airpoints?

Are we getting a free trip to Melbourne

out of a pair of our own boots?

No, shit, no.

No, no, no.

OK, we're getting a bit that way.

But we could be getting a free trip to Christchurch

where you might meet a beautiful woman

and find yourself a wife.

And you know what you can wear on your feet

to that trip to Christchurch?

Only RM Williams.

Right, yeah, OK.

Christchurch loves you.

RM Williams.

And then you meet your forever partner

and then you get married.

And trust me, as a man who has been married for, you know,

nearly 13 years, you can't put a price on that sort of happiness.

And I'll tell you what,

he might get Margaret back if he's been a pair of her.

Oh, yes.

She's a Christchurch.

Margaret, Margaret.

My fictitious partner.

Where are you coming from?

So I have this thing called the five uses rule.

I do this to all my friends.

I go, how many ways could you use this product

or how many ways could you wear it?

Now with shoes, how many ways could you wear it?

There's five different ways that you can wear this, right?

On your hands?

Yeah, gloves.

So number one, to these weddings that you're speaking of.

Yeah, formal shoe.

Number two, to work.

Yeah, he could.

Because they translate.

Because these gray new balances are embarrassing

and that's coming from me.

That's what I'm going to say.

I love my new balance.

Thank you.

Number three, to town, just on our shoes.

You go to town all the time.

I don't.

You don't.

Well, didn't you have a, you only

going to met in code this weekend?

Loves it.

Okay, number four.

It's got a left field.

Number four.

Number four, you can wear them to some concerts.

They would have been real cute at the Wiggles.

Very comfortable to stand.

And actually you can stay on your feet.

I was a groomsman on my errands.

I'm a fit all day.

Hailey, I don't know when we went to Florence in the machine,

Hailey kept spilling the stuff on my shoes.

I don't know what it was, but it stained.

Yeah, but they're leather.

Vapor rub.

Right.

And then number five, to those lovely dates that you go on.

Yes.

Dinner with Marks.

Dinner with Marks, not likely behind.

I really think for 50 bucks, eye gear.

Hey, hey, hey, texts.

What?

Okay, texts.

Christchurch only in here, which I believe is how you are referred to.

I can confirm RM's happy find love.

My friends splashed out on some.

Got some RM wins.

Two weeks later, he finds a lovely girl.

Do it.

Actually, yeah, they're very happy.

My partner has had RM since he was 18.

He's 30 now, has had them resold once for free.

And he wears them a minimum of twice a week, if not more.

See, that's good girl math.

That's very good girl math, actually.

The nations behind this purchase, please do it.

And the airpoints, hon.

The airpoints.

The airpoints.

Think of the airpoints.

Yeah, think of the airpoints.

I know it's a big, I know it's a big bite.

And I take care of mine.

I polish them before and after I use them every time.

Yeah, that's nice.

You like taking care of your things.

You don't take care of anything.

I know, but I take care of these.

It's basically free.

You're making $50 a year from these at least.

I tried to polish my children and they're just like,

leave me alone.

Yeah, they're like, what is this?

All right, well, let's just put that in the, maybe.

No, let's put it in the cart.

Let's get it done, baby.

Add to the cart.

Play.

Presidents, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

Can't wear peach to my wedding.

Well, you won't let us wear white anymore.

Hey, no peach.

Well, you can't.

What's Aaron going to wear?

I thought he was wearing oat.

He's wearing oatie.

Well, we're going to, well, I'll go whiter than the oat.

It's been a lot of argument during that song about the fact

that Vaughan and I aren't allowed to wear oat linen.

To Hayley's wedding.

Which we also yet to officially have a potato.

Which is awkward because we've ordered the doves.

I haven't eaten the butterflies.

No doves.

It's the whole vibe is low key.

Why isn't it doves now?

I've been practicing my songs.

No speeches.

No my songs.

My sea.

Kissed by a rose.

Do a whiter.

Don't bloody doves me.

Hayley made a bizarre flex this morning.

I liked it to be fair.

This is a sort of flex I'm here for.

Let me get it open because I bought this aesthetic purposes only.

I bought a navy blue toaster and a navy blue jug

to tie in with my green and blue kitchen.

Sounds rogue, but it's very elegant.

Very elegant, yeah.

It's very nice.

What are you going to drop a brand here?

It's Breville.

I had a Breville.

What?

I've got my Breville jugs open.

I'm Breville.

Breville.

Hang on.

Navy blue jug.

My last jug was a Breville and it had different temperatures

for like you could do green tea.

Did I have that jug anymore?

Well no because it kept like flashing on and off.

Oh that's right.

You'd just be watching the TV and it would be like

beep and I was like what if we...

I was like I think this is time this jug goes.

Yeah.

So what did you replace it with?

Another jug, a white one.

A different jug.

A different brand.

Okay.

Does it have the thing of doing the different temperatures?

No but it sees the temperature

on it so I could stop it if I wanted.

Yeah right.

Then you're going to watch it.

But it's nice.

Mine's just like boil the water and don't boil the water.

I do my own temperature regulating.

Okay.

Now the thing is it's perfect right?

It's the perfect...

It's the Breville soft top lux kettle.

Oh.

Oh.

Pot.

Soft top jewel kettle?

It's this one.

Soft top lux.

No not jewel.

Just singular.

But here it is.

I'll send it to you.

Soft top lux.

Okay why don't you...

It's in damson blue.

It's in damson blue.

Coming to the grid.

I'm looking at a blue caviar.

No damson.

It's in the chat.

You come in this morning to work and you're like guys

I've got the fastest kettle.

The fastest kettle.

There's nothing soft about this blue.

This is a midnight blue.

This is a midnight blue.

Yeah.

But then it would look horrific in anyone else's kitchen.

But in mine say magnifique.

Now it's just a fast kettle.

And yesterday because I haven't been having a lot of cups of tea

and yesterday I thought I needed after having two burgers

to have a cup of tea for dinner.

Yeah.

So I said to Aaron I was like I'll make us a ta love.

And then he was like yeah make us a cup of tea babes.

And I put the jug on instantly.

It's hot.

It's crazy.

It goes wow.

And then it's hot.

It's so so fast.

And then I remembered that once I made a builder

a cup of tea when he came for a meeting

and then I boiled the jug and he said

you got yourself a fast jug there.

And I really feel...

I want a fast jug because the stand down time between

filling it and clicking it and walking away

I'll forget that I've turned the jug on.

Well I will say I also forgot

but I got distracted by other things.

Yeah.

And then you go back and you click it again

and then you step out to get a spoon

and then you come back and you click it again.

Do you like to refill yours each time you bought?

Yeah because some people just leave out

manky water in there for like a week

and then they'll boil it.

I don't know.

I remember when I used to empty out my hot water bottle

back into the jug and then re-boil it and put it into the thing.

Yeah.

And then once I found bits of rubber in my cup of tea.

Yeah well you don't do that.

Well I'm not doing that with the Breville

soft top luxe denim blue.

What are you getting paid for this mentioning this?

No I'm not.

I paid for it.

So you've just got a super quick kettle.

Man it's quick.

It's a weird kettle.

Have you guys got flash appliances?

Because mine's quick.

You got slow kettles.

No I got a slow kettle and a bum hole to...

bum hole to...

I want to say my default insult for my toast

was I got this butthole of a toaster.

Right.

It doesn't toast enough and then it over toasts.

Oh that says every toaster.

No I got to tell you that my Breville...

Did you get the matching Breville to...

I've got the set.

I've got the set.

I did that.

She got the combo.

Don't even have to flip the bread.

I want that in black.

You don't even have to flip the bread.

Okay I want that in black.

Just toast evenly.

Wow.

Nonspon.

Nonspon.

It's just bloody fast to tell you.

Wow.

Okay.

If you ever come over to your house

and you offer me a cup of tea I'll be like

I can't be bothered waiting.

Next time you come over...

Next time you come over bring your kettle

and let's have a race bitch.

Next time you come over bring the kettle.

Yeah I will bitch.

I'll see you there.

We'll call it the kettle off.

Yeah.

Let's all bring our kettles in tomorrow

and we'll have a kettle race.

Yeah great.

Tune in tomorrow.

Wait it's gonna be a kettle race.

Wait are we plugging them all into like a multi box

because what we blow up the...

The great Kiwi Kettle Off.

I don't know if we'll...

No we've all got our own plugs to charge our laptops

during the show.

Unplug that.

Jugs go in.

No you can't use these plugs.

Our drugs are high drain devices.

Yeah they are.

We'll have to get a...

Probably have to get a generator on or something.

No no no no no no because that will affect the speed.

And then everyone at home can also set their jugs up

in the same amount.

And we're gonna put in the same amount of water.

How do we know that people at home are putting

in the same temperature water that we're putting in?

Obviously it's easy to do here.

Cold tap that runs at cold.

If you're down south and there's a cold snap,

the cold water in your pipes.

Yeah.

They're like a kettle tonight.

If you're in Rotorua your water is slightly above

because of the geothermal...

Okay what's gonna happen is we're gonna do a tap,

we're gonna do a tap water,

and we're gonna put a thermometer in it.

Oh okay.

Wow this is getting really serious.

And then we're gonna get the tap water to a nice even

nationwide room temp.

We're gonna put a liter of it into the jug.

You wanna push the jug?

I'll tell you what.

We've got a jug race tomorrow.

A damson blue will win.

I'll see you there bitches.

But what if everybody else is gonna...

What if somebody else has the same jug as you?

But...

Cold water.

No because we're trying to get that...

No we're gonna regulate that.

Fluctuating temperature...

Fluctuating voltage.

Yeah okay well let's try it tomorrow.

Yeah we'll try to work out all the kinks.

We'll have our jug race in studio.

And you can just jug race at home if you want.

Yeah play along at home.

Just tomorrow post 8am for the great Kiwi kettle off.

I love this idea.

I love this idea.

I don't want to lose a Mako bar on you Kido.

Shada's gonna be livered.

She's gonna wake up in the morning for a coffee.

And she's gonna be like...

What the hell is he taking the jug for?

He's telling her to boil a pot on the stove.

Oh how embarrassing.

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Fact of the day day day day day.

I would like to thank Ms Stevenson for today's fact of the day.

Cat long-time listener of the show.

She's been listening for a very long time.

Cat Stevenson.

Oh close.

As a classics teacher she's been loving ancient Rome Fact of the Day.

Oh great we love it too.

And she said, and I said, well you're a teacher,

Give me something. Give me. Give me. Give me. Give me. Give me. Give me. Give me. Give me. And she said okay

Have what about our comedous?

Commodus who is a Hark on Phoenix played Joaquin? Sorry. I say that wrong every time you do Joaquin Phoenix played in

Gladiator. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah

They're making a second one. They're making a second one. It's been filmed or it is filming. So he was Russell

Not that I doubt I could get back into that shape, but it was insane. Yeah, it was nobody. No, I don't know who's in the gladiator

I love that film so much. It's a great film. So it'll be out in 2024. Paul Miscow. Oh, great

Oh, there you go from Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Connie Nelson, Nielsen, Petra Pascal, isn't it?

Russell Crowe's playing. I feel like Jason should be in there. You know what I mean? Yeah

Spoiler alert. Didn't he die at the end of the first one? Didn't he die in the arena? He doesn't die

Yeah, this is serving as a prequel to Gladiator. So maybe they'll de-age him

And de-tum him

It'll be a small roll from Russell. Yeah, I think so. I think that's why the the actors strike still ongoing

They're waiting to get the de-tumming

So this guy was insane he kind of his insanity was touched upon in the movie. He was like

brutal and

Insane and did horrible things

But in real life, he was also like crazy. He had a very inappropriate relationship with the system

That's a story for another time. A little bit game of thrones

Yeah, game of thrones original game of thrones. Yeah, so his father was a well respected emperor

He became emperor. He renamed all the months after himself. You might be thinking how did he had 12 names?

He gave himself a whole lot of names as well

Um

So they were like Invictus, Felix, Pius, Lucius, and they just named it all after himself basically

Augustus was the only name that stuck

That has continued to but other things he did. He believed he was Hercules

Right, the Roman emperor came out Roman Empire came after the Greek Empire

He believed he was Hercules reborn. So he'd dress up for as him for battles in the arena

But in the arena, he wouldn't fight gladiators. He would fight disabled people in gladiator costumes

He would charge his own government a million

The currency to fight every time he did when he'd go into the arena and fight people with

Disabilities, which equates to about four million New Zealand dollars these days. Oh my lord

And he'd go out there and he would often

Have his bodyguards if someone even with a disability was looking like they were getting in the upper hand

The bodyguards would step in and well, this is a lot of fear. Fine. No

And he would also say he was going to fight all these wild animals, but he'd fight things like giraffes

And like other like

Yeah, herbivores that weren't aggressive

And he would fight them, but he'd just stand on a raised plinth and just shoot them with the front legs out

Yeah, because they would just be so top heavy

Yeah, I just had one leg out

I mean, I don't want to but if I had to three legged giraffe, let me google that. I just maybe the balance would be too much

They'd be easy fodder for a lioness to take down in a

And a hunt on the on the planes there in africa

It just I want to apologize. Maximus meridius does does die at the end of gladiator. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that stands out for the body of a knife

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he definitely does. Uh, so today's factor today is the character

Uh

Comedius from gladiator that was played by

Joaquin Phoenix

Was a real life

Roman emperor who was insane on all levels

Fact of the day day day day day

So apparently linds bears who is the mother of miss britney spares, they're not getting all right now

She is uh, $660,000 in debt after britney has refused to pay for her lawyer's fees

During the whole conservatorship. Leave me alone. Don't take my money thing and now britney's not giving her any money

That mum and dad were living off this whole time

So she's actually gone back to teaching elementary school as a substitute teacher

Oh, I imagine that I know

So yeah, she's 68 years old past retirement years and she's having to go back to try to earn a little bit of dough

Uh, she still lives in a two million dollar mansion that was built for her by her famous daughter. Yeah, right star

Yeah, I know right. She keeps coming and they're saying that subbies subteachers

Were in that area where she lives earn around 15 dollars an hour

I always felt bad for the substitute teachers because sometimes you could just see the blood in everybody's eye, you know, like the

But you just they were like, okay. Yeah, here we go. Here we go. Here's a fun day. Here's a yeah

Here's a day we can slack off not so much a primary at primary l

I've talked about the lovely ellen bagnell who used to just do clay

We used to do clay figurines and little maths things. It was really fun

What force as a substitute here was a substitute if we had a if we if he was our substitute teacher

We just did clay all day. Wait, but what was he meant to be substituting? Who cares looking after kids?

I'm not learning that much but at high school, man, we'd take those. Yeah, does substitute teachers get paid a bit more

So I remember a teacher telling our teacher came back. She'd been sick and she said

How was the substitute? How was the relief teacher? Yeah, and we were like, oh good. We didn't do much work and she said

You think you'd be doing more work given that her daily rates more than mine like

Okay, wow was like over the top right always remember the teacher saying it and I remember going home and saying to mom

Oh, this is what the teacher said the teacher said the mom was like that's interesting. So a relief teacher per day

Gets more money, but they don't work every day

Yes, so contract doesn't stuff work, right? You always get paid if you're working

I just don't have to guarantee hours you get paid more per hour generally

We used to get this mail because we had at at Queen Margaret's we didn't have that many mail teachers

But we used to get this mail

Relief teacher who can't remember his name, but we used to hum and make him think that that there was a noise

What but everybody does it so he thinks there's a oh my god, we are quietly we do if you're doing quiet work

We do that would you know that nudge towards the envelope and she'd take over so I could take a breath

Would you rather teach at an all-girls school an all-boys school?

I did a bit of teaching at an all-boys school when I left drama school was horrendous

But which would be worse boys boys boys. Yeah, wouldn't girls be worse? Yeah girls a little bit each other

They might be savage to the teachers, but then you get to farewell them, but the boys are just a handful

Full-boy handful. I feel like all boys are handfuls. Whereas at girls school. There's a couple of real nightmare girls

Yeah, I always feel sorry for the relief teachers

Which is what we call them in New Zealand is substitutes what Americans call them substitute. Yeah relief or substitute

I want to know how bad the substitute teacher had it. Yeah, like

Because I remember like some of them just yeah, we made one of them cry

Driven to the point of insanity some days. Yeah, I know just these little and just real manipulative stuff like that put in the bloody

Like just humming in their air and making them think like

What the hell's happening here? Yeah

Yeah, it's bad. You know, I mean if you're an adult and you look back and you can be like we shouldn't have done that

That's good. Yeah, but if you're looking back be like, oh, yeah, that was awesome when we made that other

When we made that adult cry as a group of children. Yeah, it's not so awesome

But we still want to hear your story. Oh, you would still want to hear that story. Yeah, maybe you are you'll bring us up and you'll

Feel regretful and sound regrettable

Maybe you pee-shooted them

Should we pee shooters? Should we kick off an example? I can make a pee shooter out of this pen right here

Not as good as an old bit though

Oh my god, he's breaking the pen

It doesn't have the spring

No, you're

P-shooters when you chew up little bits of wet paper and go

No, the when you get the tip of the back of the bit. Yeah, we used to call them the bit bullets

Yeah, we had the top thing on it. You can push it on real hard and you'd load this spring up at a bit

Absolutely just ruin this office max. Oh my god. Someone just messaged us something so many. Okay. Okay. Well, let give us a text

9 6 9 6 we're going to delve into these necks. I'll 800 dials at M

They locked the teacher in the cupboard. No

Okay, how bad did the substitute teacher wear it? We want to know uh, give us a call

Britney Spears mum has had to go back to substitute teaching because of her legal bills

Yes, um, and it's got us on to the topic of substitute

Teachers and how bad they got it because you'd play up because your normal teacher was way

I love the classic like just agree with the whole class the period before that we're not going

Yeah

And then the teacher's like what I mean, they still get paid. Yeah, um, ashley. How bad did the uh replacement substitute teacher get it?

Well, unfortunately, I had one of the worst year 10 passes in my school and

Oh, no, okay. We were notorious for being absolutely

Atrocious to the teachers now. I was one of the only

Teachers test in the class. This is why I remember this mortifying moment

so

The 40 hour famine was coming up and my usual social studies teacher would coordinate the cardboard city event

right

was chock full of cardboard

and

There was a bunch of cardboard boxes by the door and the teacher went out to

confront a naughty student and

My dear classmates decided that they would barricade the door with cardboard. Oh my god

The barricading her in

Oh, no, what for the rest of the class?

It was a hilarious thing because she was just she was having a bad day. I think um, she was just

absolutely angry and

Man, we do not pay teachers enough. I I will say I'm on the side of teachers here. Oh me too

Yeah, I was so mortified, but I couldn't do anything at the time obviously. Yeah

Did you get in trouble with the rest of the class or did she know you're the teacher?

Every time we got in trouble. I was always in detention. Oh, no, ashley. Uh, thank you for your call

I'm gonna balance this okay

The kids at the local school would love it when they had a reliever because they knew the number one released

Reliever was going to be mr. B. He was and is awesome

He would like turn up

They didn't know if it was a reliever and he'd knock on the door and open up like guess who

And all the kids were like erupting to like

Cheering and clapping and they just have a great day of learning and fun. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. That's a rare text though

That one. Yeah, I will probably have to make up the rest of the positive

Get to uh more of your texts and calls next we want to know how bad are these substitute teacher warwick

Some of them are not funny naughty kids

I tell you what we're hearing more about mr. B the relief teacher

He's a relief teacher at my kid's school someone says she loves it when he's in

Same thing's always just to have so much fun for the day and then he accidentally forgets to hand out homework

He's got them

But he needs a certificate. Yeah, okay. Come on. Let's make him a macaroni certificate sam. You were a substitute teacher

Yes, I was yeah, and um, uh, long time. Listen the first time

Oh

Now, uh, so you did this what in the uk?

Yeah, so I was a full-time teacher and then before I was gonna do a bit of traveling

I thought oh, I'll do six months supply teaching for an agency up in north england

And I made the silly mistake of saying oh, I don't mind going into challenging schools

Oh

Is the pay better for a shit bag or as you call it challenging school?

Um

Well, it depends really the pay is better because you don't get your holiday pay

Um, through you know, like teachers get paid for the school holidays. Oh, yeah

Well, I teach you you didn't get that pay so the daily rate was actually better. Yeah, right

But it makes no difference. What kind of school you're going to

No, it didn't make a difference really right right. So how bad did you how bad did you get it though?

Well, I was in a school in blackpool. I don't know if you've been familiar with that familiar with the roughness of blackpool

Yeah, yeah, it's like a poor man's paris with the uh,

So we have I went into this school and um, I already thought as a hell there's this barb wire on the playground

Oh

So walked in um and met it was a year five class and there was three year five classes in it

And I um, I was chatting to the year five teacher. She was like, oh, are you ready for today?

I was like, why she was like, oh, well this class has already been through about five supply teachers

Yeah, chewing them out and it was only six weeks into the year

Um, so I came in and they said right, okay

You got to do pe with them this morning because that's on their timetable and it was absolutely nailing it down outside

And I was like, well, have you got like an indoor gym or anything?

They were like, oh, we got the hall and they just like a small

Small hall with a stage within five minutes. I had two girls that were trying to rag each other's hair out

One kid was chasing another kid and going like up and down the stairs

And two boys were almost like at each other's throat shone a scrap and I was trying to split them up

While shouting at these girls while shouting at the kid that was chasing

No, look, I can't be bothered with that. You needed to help out

There was a teaching there was a teaching assistant outside the room doing reading with another kid and I was shouting going

Hello, can I have some help in here? I should have point blank ignored me. Don't even look up

She's annoyed that class mate. Okay. No, yeah, that's out. Is it is it? Do you teach in New Zealand? Is it better here?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's much better here. Well, they offered me a full-time job at that school at the end of that week

And I said no, I'm all right. And then two months later moved to New Zealand and yeah

Taught in New Zealand for three three and a half years. So supplied at the school and then they took me on and it was awesome

Yeah

Teachers that go like New Zealanders who qualify as teachers and then go to the uk are always just like never again

Yeah, yeah, you don't understand how bad it is from work. Yeah. Yeah

So you can

I've got a good job at a good school and you know, and that kids even stood up and said good morning to me

I'm like shock

Sam, thank you so much a couple of quick text messages running out of time. Oh, yeah, there's so many of them

Um, jerry brownley was our teacher when he was trying to get into parliament

But it was like a part-time fill-in sort of a gig

He just stayed in his office and the only time we saw him was when he had pizzas delivered to the classroom

Had to take them through to his

Oh

That is wild

Um, I know the text I missed it be and what like a legendary relief teacher he is

Made this guy sounds fantastic. He's one says a little country school. We're the really short relief teacher

She was an old bag, but it was really so short. He's put all the whiteboard markers on top of the board so she couldn't read

This sounds too good to be true. We had overseas teacher for a day

And in the class learning we were doing debating at the time English was the second language

She said into the to the class. All right split into two. We're about to have a mass debate

And

Regained control. No, she never regained control. Yeah, you're not coming back from that. No, no, no, no, you're done

Well, congratulations to you podcast. Listen, you've reached the end

So I would assume if you've listened all this way through you'll either asleep in which case wake up

Or don't you enjoyed it? So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work

ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.