ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 28th August 2023

The ZM Podcast Network.

The Fletch Vaughn and Hayley Big Pod.

Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Makers rewards.

Good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

Happy Monday.

Happy Monday.

God, listen to it, the state of it.

Big night like big night last night, was it?

Big weekend, honestly.

Got on my social butterfly.

Well, yesterday, this might make you feel better.

Yesterday was four weeks until daylight savings.

I know, I'm so sorry.

You can already feel it, you can.

Yeah, beautiful weekend actually.

Night, yeah.

In Dortland?

Getting a little bit lighter at night.

Still cold though.

Laddy cold.

Laddy cold.

Laddy cold.

Laddy cold.

Laddy cold.

Well, on the show today,

we're all just doing silly voices there.

We weren't doing accents, were we?

Just was he in there?

I know, sometimes.

We might be doing some inappropriate accents.

It doesn't.

It's just silly, yeah.

Still got a job.

Laddy cold.

No, no, no.

Silly voice.

On the show today,

we're halfway through our Taylor Swift tickets.

So two more weeks.

Two more weeks of chances.

Eight o'clock this morning, the first song.

You've got to be listening out for that song,

the one at midday and four.

You know how it works by now, surely.

Of course.

And also, you know, I'm doing Project Swifty,

Hayley's version.

Do I get to go?

No.

Oh.

No.

Is that not how it ends?

We give our tickets to the listeners.

Are you sure?

Yeah, that's how it works.

I'm so sorry.

There's a big reveal, isn't there?

No, there's not.

There's not a big reveal.

Cannot wait.

Not at all.

That seems ridiculous.

The top six on the way.

Yes.

Father's Day is this weekend coming.

Now, you might have been like me

and thought it was the ninth for some reason.

That makes no sense.

It's always the first weekend in September,

but once it wasn't.

Because it's got to be a full weekend.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, okay.

So it's not Sunday of Sundays the first.

Anyway, Father's Day this weekend,

and a hotel is like,

we're going to take care of your dads.

If you come and stay here,

we're going to have a dads club,

like a kids club.

Nice.

And the tops,

I've got the top six things

that will go down in dads club.

As a dad,

what I would like to see in the club,

but also what always happens at dads clubs.

Silly little poll soon as well.

Do you relax when you wear jeans?

Absolutely not.

Must be off.

My whole time I'm in jeans,

I'm uncomfortable.

I'm a passionate debate.

I feel.

Yeah, I agree.

Next on the show though,

tinfoil.

Yesterday,

I used it

to cover some meat while it was cooking.

So the juices didn't escape.

Delicious.

But if you're a criminal,

tinfoil's got a new use just for you.

Now, apparently,

I've never had an ankle bracelet.

No, neither.

Oh, they get so itchy.

Do you get a bit of eczema

underneath?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a very sensitive skin.

You can't breathe?

Yeah, yeah.

What's the strap options

for the sensitive skin?

No, they don't give you the option.

They just give it to your stock standard.

Monsters.

Yeah.

I think the third time,

I was like, hey, guys,

do you have an extra,

like a different strap

for sensitive skin?

Third time?

So, yeah.

I think we've found

our unnamed female radio announcer,

DIY.

Four times over time.

Oh, my best friend was in town on Friday.

She was like,

when that radio announcer

got done for drink driving,

did you get a lot of messages?

It's totally my vibe, isn't it?

But no, it wasn't me.

It wasn't me.

Not as many as Tony Street

who fit all that.

Yes.

I was talking to her about it.

She's like, I'm sick of it.

I was like, I've been asked,

and she's like, oh my God.

But I saw her,

she pulled into work in her car.

Yeah.

And it didn't have one of those

things yet to blow on

to prove that you're so good

before it starts.

Put that into the ignition.

Yeah.

But do you know what?

I see people all the time

at the gym in the pool

with bracelets on.

Really?

All the time.

Yeah.

How are they allowed?

But there are different types, right?

Yeah.

You've got to be home

between these hours

so they only switch on.

Yeah.

But then there's that,

they can see where you are.

Yes.

Kind of vibe.

Apparently.

And then there's that,

you can't leave

if you cross

a electric boundary.

A border boundary.

Yeah.

It's going to tiddly,

teat, teat, teat.

Like your dog collars.

Do we talk about those?

Are they?

The ones that shock your dogs?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll talk a bit.

Some people don't like collars.

We use the BP

or the Vibrati function.

Oh, right.

OK.

Yeah.

Vibrati function.

Couple of early zaps.

Couple of early zaps.

Couple of early zaps.

They don't need another one.

Dogs are gone.

Do you want to charge it up?

You want me to leave the house?

Bzz.

OK.

I've been naughty.

Have I?

Go back into the house.

Shall I?

Bzz.

Oh, naughty girl.

Maybe I'll leave again.

Bzz.

Maybe I'll just walk

get it out my gate.

So, it's come to light again

that these d小心ly criminals

are wrapping them

in tinfoil to get around.

Now, this can't be

get around the geolocation

of them because if they were monitoring,

surely there's a thing

that you lost communication.

Yeah, and so yeah.

This has got to be to get through

the electronic fence

at the end of your driveway.

Ooohhh.

But then you can just wrap

Wrap your cell phone right in tinfoil, can you?

Does it work?

I don't know.

So do we have tinfoil?

I hate to the, thank you Jared read my mind.

He's already gone out the door.

They're saying that these criminals

are wrapping their ankle monitoring bracelets in tinfoil.

They're going on Ram raids.

They're going out committing crimes.

Coming home and...

It's working, but also they're showing them off.

But this also feels on social media.

Because that's the thing,

there's no links to any proof in this article.

It's just like, it's happening.

And this also feels like a fair mongering, a little bit.

Because surely the technology works.

You're a layer of tinfoil.

Yeah, we need to get some new ones off Timur or AliExpress

or something, get a new one

that can't just be tinfoiled out of commission.

Unless you wrap lead, like a lead kind of...

You don't want to go playing around with lead though.

Yeah, that's the risk,

but there's no tinfoil in the kitchen.

Because we could have wrapped our phone in...

And then tried to call it.

Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

Or done, because we all follow each other and find my friends.

Oh, yeah.

Could have seen if I could still find you.

So apparently people are monitored, bailed and creased.

In 2017, there were 495 people on tickets, bracelets.

There's more than 2,300 this year.

Yeah, right.

Do you shower with them?

I think so, yeah.

They're on the whole time.

I don't think you can take it off.

Oh, I imagine if you're a female with it,

you'd have a hairy patch.

You know, like if you were shaving your legs.

You could slide it up and down.

Yeah.

Yeah, you would want it loose, but I'm quite...

I've got quite a thick set calf.

Yeah, years of marching.

Yes, you're like...

I wouldn't have to slide it that high.

OK.

Yeah.

Interesting, just to reiterate,

I haven't actually had ankle bracelets before.

And I'm not the unnamed radio presenter.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

She's been a recall.

This is at Little Supermarkets.

You know, that's so...

Little?

Little.

I'm going to have a little shock.

Talk to them so condescendingly.

L-I-D-L.

We don't have them here in New Zealand.

They've got them in Australia, though.

Yeah, makes sense.

And, you know, all through Europe and the UK.

Well, they sell poor patrol snacks.

Do we have these here?

Poor patrol snacks.

We have had poor patrol snacks previously.

Yes.

Because, yeah.

They've got a mini biscotti.

Are they good?

What's a biscotti?

They've got a, yeah.

Like a hard biscuit.

Ooh, yeah.

No, no, no, no, no.

This is so Italian children, isn't it?

It really is.

With their fluffies.

He's a mummy.

I want a poor patrol biscotti with my baby chin.

So the poor patrol are all but a mini biscotti biscuits.

Poor patrol, chocolate mini biscotti biscuits.

And yummy baked bars raspberry flavor

have all been recalled.

Now, there is nothing wrong with them.

Oh, delicious.

But on the packet, there is a QR code and a link

that you can scan for your kids or your kids can scan.

And that was meant to take you to a poor patrol website.

Of course.

It does not take you to a poor patrol website.

It takes you to a porn website.

Porn patrol.

Porn patrol.

So close.

Reporting for duty, sir.

Little say they apologize for any inconvenience caused.

And thank you for your cooperation in the recall.

Surely they didn't.

No, I don't think they've got anything to do with it.

Yeah.

So that's going to be a gag from an internal person.

You don't just accidentally link to a porn website.

Like a QR code.

Yeah, I know.

That's got to be someone who's done the packaging and gone,

ha, ha, ha.

Last day.

Yeah, they've been fired or just ill-failing.

Yeah.

Or they're a cat person.

Yeah.

So hopefully no bloody.

Because the cat's the bad guy on poor patrol.

The what?

The cat's the bad guys on poor patrol.

What?

Yeah.

The cats are just lovely.

The evil mayor has his own team of animals, except they're cats,

and they're up to no good.

Oh.

They're more destruction than construction.

Well, that's very cats.

So they live in a world in which the dogs are the main characters.

The dogs, there's humans, but there's also dogs.

And the dogs are dogs.

But there's humans in poor patrol.

Yeah, right.

He's an eight-year-old.

He lives in this tower.

I don't know where he got the money.

OK.

And he's built little cars for each of the dogs,

and they each have a special.

But the cats get a little car?

Yeah, the cats get a little car, too.

But they're evil.

So humans and cats are driving in the same world.

Yeah, in the same world.

Cats, dogs, humans.

No, that just doesn't make sense.

But then there's also animals that are just animals.

Right.

Like, the mayor has a chicken.

The mayor has a pet chicken who is simply a chicken.

OK.

Does the chicken not talk?

No, it doesn't.

It's like, there's no consistency in this storyline.

No, no, no, it's wild.

It is a wild, it's a wild world.

It's a world of poor patrol.

OK, wow.

I'm finding it hard to sort of buy into it.

But everybody's got a favorite for poor patrol.

Like, poor patroller.

OK.

Yeah.

Who's yours?

Rocky.

He did recycling.

He was the recycling pup.

He didn't get to lead too many missions, because obviously.

Where's Green?

Oh, yeah, he's a recycling dog.

Because Chase is the cop.

He kind of did most of the leading.

But was also responsible for some horrific brutality.

Yeah, now, because if they recovered after that,

after they choked that cat to death.

Yeah, yeah.

Not really.

Well, I mean, they kind of brushed it under their rug.

They employed another poor patrol who specialized

in defense of war.

Oh, right.

OK, yeah.

Who wrote a very nice car in it.

Sounds wild.

Sounds problematic to me.

Yeah.

Silly little poll next on the show.

This, I tell you what, jeans.

Do you relax in your jeans when you get home?

Monsters.

Monsters.

Can you relax in jeans?

Can you relax in no way?

Only if their 20 size is too big.

Which my jeans aren't.

That's a sleeping bag.

All my jeans.

It is a sleeping bag.

A denim sleeping bag.

The results are next.

Play it.

ZM's Fletchvorn and Haley.

Fletchvorn and Haley, silly little poll.

Silly little poll.

It is so silly, silly, silly.

That's a silly little poll.

Silly little poll.

Silly little poll.

Silly little poll.

Silly little poll.

Yesterday I was chillaxing in my jeans.

Chillaxing.

Relaxing.

And I thought, huh, this is good.

I like doing this.

And shout out I was in track pants.

And I said, don't relax in jeans.

And she's like, nobody but you does.

And I said, we'll see about that.

And I messaged Shannon saying, silly little poll,

do you relax in jeans?

Absolutely not.

If they're not comfortable enough to relax

and I wouldn't wear them in the first place.

I mean, no months, say no.

No, jeans are a fashion moment.

Not a relaxation.

They're for going out.

Yeah, they are.

And then you get home.

And then you get home and you get

into your delicious track pants.

I've got the most amazing track pants.

What kind of track pants have you got?

Well, I've got a couple of pairs,

but at the moment I've got these gray ones.

And they've got like a fluff on the inside.

Your big old wang.

You make your wang into your massive wang.

When you go for a walk and he doesn't wear his handy pants.

No, no, no.

Wangadang and wangadangadangdong.

These are at home pants.

Well, they say you were invited to the minute

to see your massive wang.

Or do you just stand at the window of your apartment

shaking it?

No, they just really don't think.

Why are you celebrating your wang when no one's looking?

There was a guy at the gym there the last week.

We're on gray sweat pants.

I know you messaged.

I messaged.

They know.

I messaged the group.

He has me.

You can see his wang.

Yeah.

I think he wanted me to see his wang.

Do you reckon?

Because I was doing that sit down thing

where you pull the bar down and he

sat, came and stood right in the eye line.

He wanted you to see his wang.

Yeah.

So anyway, people know what they're doing

when they wear gray track pants in public.

Absolutely.

They know.

They relax them.

Yeah.

But can you relax in jeans?

Or do you relax in jeans?

73% of people say no way.

27% of people saying yes.

See, you are the minority.

I am the minority.

Yeah.

Christine says, how is this even a question?

I can't think of anything worse than relaxing in jeans.

Yeah.

I mean, if that's the worst you can imagine,

Christine, you've lived a privileged life.

Yeah.

But yeah, if they're not comfortable,

I just wouldn't wear them if they weren't comfortable.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'd also didn't have jeans as a kid.

I don't think I had jeans until I was about 16.

Yeah.

No, I didn't have jeans.

My mum always put me in dresses.

We were in shorts.

We were a shorts family.

I used to love leggings.

Yeah, I rocked a lot of shorts.

Shorts all year round.

My dad's nickname was Shorts.

Because he only ever wore shorts in the game.

Well, he'd be in shorts now in the cow shed.

He doesn't do long pants in winter.

I have wear overalls.

Ah, OK.

We're overalls.

But underneath, they are.

They're real cute.

I've seen Ian in his overalls.

Have you?

But all dairy farmers wear overalls.

Oh, cute.

And some of you go for a short sleeved overall.

You think great track pants.

Oh, really?

Wang out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wang popping in the overalls.

Yeah.

Got to be careful of the shout out to all the dairy farmers

that have taken a sneaky way down the farm

and then zipped up a little quick.

Oh.

Baronte says, no, but my fiance does.

He once wore jeans the entire 36 hours of flying

to New Zealand from London.

Yeah, my dad wears jeans on his flights.

I can wear jeans on flights.

Always wear track pants.

No, no, no, no.

Always wear trackies.

I always wear gym leggings.

Yeah.

The woman's track pants.

Ladies love a gym legging on a plane.

Also, when you're walking down the aisle,

you don't give them something to look at.

I've got to say, I feel like you guys,

they look past you and you lean out into the aisle

and you catch them all right.

Good for you.

I feel like you're lucky you can wear

active wear on a long haul flight,

whereas guys, you just have to dress down and wear trackies.

Yeah, you've got to look like slum.

You want to wear some bike shorts, do you?

He wears his padded, his padded bike shorts.

He's got his gloves on the bike.

I'm just going to pop the toilet.

Clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump, clump.

And somehow he comes back with a muffin

and a cappie of China, and he's got his.

What are you doing there?

He's put VIPER glasses on.

Erin says, hard pants are not relaxing.

Oh, that is simple.

That's a good way of looking at it.

Hard pants.

Jeans shouldn't be hard pants.

You need to add a little bit more elastane.

Lucy says, I have napped in jeans many times.

Oh, OK.

Yeah, you lie down in your full sleep.

Can't let the old girl breathe.

Yeah.

OK, that's a good point, actually.

You wouldn't want to be under sheets in jeans.

No, you're going to do a quagmire down there.

Oh, god.

The Dagobah system.

A lot of yodas down there doing flips in the swamp.

Oh, yeah, no.

Rachel says, yes, whatever I wear in the morning

is what I stay in all day.

I'll even mow the lawns in jeans.

No.

It's going to be so cold to mow the lawns in jeans.

Yeah.

What do you wear when you mow in the lawns?

Shorts.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Got men love shorts, eh?

Yeah, we love them.

My friend thinks I'm nuts, says Rachel,

for all my jeans activity.

Alicia says, my husband does home exercises in jeans

like some sort of absolute psychopath.

Home exercise?

Well, like, school.

I would honestly say it's about time

to start looking for a new husband.

Yeah.

That's mental behavior.

You're married to a psychopath.

Get him some gray track pants.

And then he's doing this.

And in Maya, the wang.

And band undies.

No matter how big it is, it'll look bigger.

Yeah.

It's like that bit in a bell.

Under the bell.

Yeah.

That Ding Dong's the side of the bell.

Yes.

Now, this part of the bell has a name,

but I can't think of it.

So to me, now, that is called the penis of the bell.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Penis and the bell is the gray track pants.

OK.

And then it's just Ding Dong in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ding Dong.

How many times did it tap the side?

That means it's 12 o'clock.

On the top of every hour.

And on the half at only half Dongs.

That's how you know it's only half.

All right, that's the little pop.

Bona nalee.

Play ZM.

I don't know if you guys had this experience,

but when we had tomato sauce and it was running out,

my mum used to add a little bit of water.

Or vinegar.

Or vinegar.

Oh, yeah.

Vinegar would really tang it up.

Yeah, it was all about the tang.

We just used to add more tomato sauce from the can.

Oh my god, you had top it up from the can.

Did you have one of the little tomatoes with the?

We had one of those tomatoes, but then we bought one bottle.

Yeah.

Of upright sauce.

Yeah.

And then you funneled in another can

and you'd get the rubber spatula in the can

and you'd scrape it every... Oh, too much admin.

Every ounce of it out.

And then mum would put hot water into the can

and then put it in and then shake the bottle up.

Yeah, hot water in the can.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, add a bit of water.

But then we, years later, when that thing's label

had come off and the plastic was starting to perish

and we were definitely getting BPA,

we got one of those upside down bottles

that always sits on the nose.

And then that became the one you just topped up from the can.

Chancer.

While the internet is debating at the moment

and a TikToker has shared their hack,

which is you hold the bottle in your hand

and you swing your arm around like a windmill.

No, no, that's asking for the lid to come off

and it's tomato sauce on the ceiling.

You've got to put your finger on the lid when you do it.

But apparently producer Jared does this.

Is this your methodology to get the sauce out?

Yeah, I don't do a full rotation

because I've got bad shoulders, but...

Yeah, you're a clicky...

Yeah, a clicky shoulder.

...blindly raunchy, yeah.

So I just do the bottom half of the circle.

What have you got bad shoulders?

I used to be a goalkeeper with football.

Diving.

Yeah, so my knees and my shoulders are a bit meh.

Oh, right, okay.

You want to wave.

Yeah, right.

You've got to be as big as you can be.

Yeah, but it wasn't the High on Day A league, was it?

No, it was the third 11, actually.

Good!

That's the third 11.

I don't think you should be...

We should be girl-stop doing 11s.

Yeah, I think you should...

Third 11.

Third 11.

I'm in the seventh 11, yeah.

So this works, though, it gets the source to the body.

The centrifugal force.

Yes, centrifugal, yeah.

Well, tomato sauce is a Newtonian liquid, right?

I had to just Google to make sure it was...

I don't think you're saying that like we know...

What, like a bit of a sticky liquid?

Like it's...

When you apply movement and stuff, it becomes more liquid.

Oh!

When it's just sitting, it's not liquid as much.

It's a bit stodgy.

Yeah, right.

And then when you start moving it or vibrating it or tapping it,

it becomes a bit more viscous.

She loses up.

Right, so you've got to get the swing on.

This is the way, you've got to do a full...

Well, obviously you can just do a half circle

if you've got bad shoulders, if you're a goalkeeper.

In the third 11.

In the third 11.

Back in high school.

Or you do a...

A long time ago.

You do a full...

A full thing, but it also works with other things

like shampoo and conditioner and other...

What did you call them?

Newtonian fluids.

Newtonian fluids.

It doesn't work with toothpaste, though.

No, a toothic.

That's toothic.

That's toothic.

That one, you've got to...

I do a suck on the toothpaste.

If the toothpaste is getting low,

I put my lips on the end to go...

And I suck.

And then spit it onto the toothbrush.

No, it's in my mouth.

And then I get wet the brush and just get in there.

You go straight.

Yeah, like a sub vacuum.

What, I've never tried this, haven't you?

It makes sense, actually.

No, but when it's really down to the end bit

and you can't roll it up any tighter,

suck it in and it comes out there.

There's any real estate agents listening.

You know how they're always giving you shitty calendars

with substandard magnets on the back

for the fridge or a notepad or something.

Just absolute rubbish waste of money.

A real estate agent once gave my parents a toothbrush,

a toothpaste squeezer.

So when you put a little bit on it, you put it on the end.

Great advertising.

Every time they brush their teeth,

they're seeing your real estate agent's business there.

What sounds like Jenny from Harcourt's

and you just push it up an inch.

And it's got...

In the morning, you're like,

Jenny from Harcourt's.

Slide it up and Jenny from Harcourt's

is letting you get every ounce of Colgate out of that tube.

Well done, Jenny.

And then when you get to the end,

my mum would cut the end off the tube.

Well, she didn't bother you, you just suck it.

You suck it.

Yeah.

Well, you shouldn't be sucking a tube

that the whole family's using.

Well, it's just me and Aaron.

Yeah, no, she's a solo traveler.

Yeah.

Also, we've got a tube of toothpaste each.

Do you?

Sorry?

What?

Yeah.

Well, I'm a sensitive.

I'm a sensitive, I'm a sensitive.

I just, over the years, just every time my tooth hurt

when I should have gone to the dentist

and I sense a grind, I just had my own.

And so...

You've got individual toothpaste in your house.

Yeah, and the girls have got their one,

which was like, formulated more for kids.

And then Shade as well.

Tastes like bubblegum.

Her charcoal one.

No, we've moved away from the flavoured...

Bizarre.

Or the character ones for kids.

Oh, okay.

Well, it must be nice.

It is.

Must be nice having individual toothpaste in the family.

Play.

Zed M's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

From the bustling Zed M think tank,

this is the top six.

I've just learnt that in Spain,

there is a hotel called Holiday World Polynesia.

Holiday World Polynesia.

Yeah, and it's not at all Polynesian themed,

but there is a couple of, like, wooden arches.

Okay, there you go.

In a high viscous.

And that's enough, apparently.

To tick it off.

But it is at Holiday World Polynesia in Spain

at Rotondo de los Elefantes.

Keep up, eh?

Of the soul.

Balendamende, Malaga, Spain.

That dad's club is opening.

Wow.

I reckon you nailed that.

I think so.

It felt good.

It absolutely did, yeah.

It felt good.

And they're doing a dad's club.

So if you're like a teenager and you think your dad's like,

oh, my God, totally cringe,

you can drop dad off at dad's club.

Great.

Now they say socks and sandals welcome.

Oh, that's how you do a lot of thing,

real typical dad stuff.

But I've got the top six dad things to do at dad club.

Okay.

Today for today's top six.

Number six on the list.

You watch the groundskeeper of the Holiday Club Polynesia

do the lawns and tell him he's doing great.

But then when he's out of air shot,

you turn to the dad next to you, shake your head

and be like, he's not doing the right, is he?

Yeah.

Look at those edges.

Oh, I don't give a shit on the edges.

He's got those.

You've got to turn around,

we'll get started on the edges

while you're doing the lawns.

We'll just keep on double these.

They should just let dads do the ground keeping it.

Holiday was the last.

A dad's club.

Yeah, man.

On the air, that'd be cool.

Yeah.

Number five on the list of the top six,

dad things to do at dad's club.

I talk about World War II

and where the military tacticians went wrong

and what you'd do different.

Having never been in a war.

Having never even held a gun.

Yeah.

It's important that you give your thoughts

on where some of the greatest military minds went wrong

nearly a hundred years ago.

Yeah.

Number four on the list of the top six,

dad things to do at dad's club.

There's one big giant long barbecue.

Will you cook something shoulder to shoulder

with other dads and clack your tongs

and judge how other people cook their steak?

Oh, yeah.

I reckon-

Yeah, don't flip it.

Don't flip it.

I reckon you want to get out of the grill

because it keeps cooking.

It keeps cooking once you take off the heat.

It keeps cooking.

Number three on the list of the top six,

dad things to do in dad's club.

There's a bar where you slam a few beers

before changing discreetly to light beers.

And then you finish the night with a couple of zero percenters

just to taper off the evening.

Yeah, beautiful.

You don't want too big of a night.

You got a big day tomorrow doing the lawns and the hedges.

Yeah.

Of course, yeah, of course.

But you still want to stick around.

Stick around with it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have a chat.

Have a chat, but just taper off.

Number two on the list of the top six,

dad things to do at dad's club.

Talk about how you'd love a motorbike

but the missus won't sign off on it.

Even though you don't really want a motorbike

because they're very, very scary.

Maybe have one in the garage to look at.

Interesting.

And every now and then start up and give a rev

and then turn off and go back inside where it's safe.

And number one on the list of the top six,

dad things to do at dad's club.

Anytime something stops working at the hotel,

it gets put in a big pile and a shed

and then dad's get to go on with screwdrivers

and drills and tinker with them.

Trying to get them going again.

Sounds great.

They have a tinker hour.

Yeah, I got a feeling that toast is going to be

toasted better than it's ever toasted

with the time we're finished with it here at dad's club.

That is today's top six.

Nothing I love more than someone splitting their pants.

Oh, it's one of the funniest things

when someone splits their pants, it's funny.

I've done it.

It's funny unless it happens to you

and you're at a wedding or an event

because what do you do?

You tie a jacket around your waist

and that's the fashion.

That's the night.

Okay.

Yeah, I don't think I've split my pants publicly

but when I have it, it's very funny.

You know, like when I've done it

just by being a dick and squatting down and they split.

That's funny.

You've never had an on stage?

No, but I know people that have.

I've been on stage with people that have split their pants

and the whole room left, you know?

Yeah.

It's great.

Well, you've just got to.

Here's Aaliyah and she's still kicking about.

Ouch.

Well, I just, you know.

On behalf of the Iggy Aaliyah, ouch.

What's the last, what's the last maybe an Iggy Aaliyah song?

She went into it and she didn't know any fans.

Look at for her.

And that did well.

Yeah, right.

Well, she's got a body on her.

How much did she make?

Did she ever say how much she makes?

I don't know.

I don't know.

You have a Google.

You have a Google.

Probably more than you'd get from like Spotify royalties,

to be honest.

I'm not even joking.

Oh, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

At least you're like Adele or Ed Sheeran.

You're not making any money.

Is Adele only fans?

No, I mean from Spotify.

At least you're an Adele or an Ed Sheeran on Spotify.

You're not making a lot of money.

Poor old Ed Sheeran had got only fans,

since I'm going to say my granddad did that in the 1970s

and then try to sue him for millions.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, you've stolen his luck.

Well, Iggy Aaliyah was performing at an event

in Saudi Arabia, famously conservative.

Yeah.

Oh, ouch, ouch.

Okay, so, and just quickly on Izgy Aaliyah,

how much did she make?

Oh, please don't, please don't, please don't.

There's a story from February

about when she launched in January,

so one month, $4.2 million.

What?

Are you kidding me?

Mm.

You do it, right?

Pop Tings.

Why do I bother making music?

Pop Tings quoted Iggy Aaliyah's makeup artist

as having revealed to her that her hotter than hell project

on the uncensored platform of only fans

had garnered $4.2 million profit for the rapper

since launching in January.

And that was the story from the start of February.

You guys been on only fans?

Listen a month.

You've been on only fans?

Nah, I'm too cheap.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm paying for it.

I'm not paying for that.

I'm paying for that.

But there's something curious about a celeb doing it,

because then you're like, oh yeah, what are you up to?

Because some celebs have done it,

and people have called them out

because they won't show anything.

Yeah, show, they'll just be like,

here's me and Monika's, and they're like,

no, we want to see like you wank.

Yeah, we've seen that.

Yeah.

Shlong, man.

Get the shlong out.

Yeah, this isn't your Instagram story, it's only fans.

Well, I want Breasticles or Testicles.

Yeah.

Wow, that's interesting.

Iggy Azalea was performing in Saudi Arabia.

Her pants split, she went down,

they split from the knee to the butt,

exposing her whole thigh of which.

Yeah, a good set of thighs on her.

So they kicked her off the stage,

you're like, well, you're too exposed.

Even though her other outfits, she's near nude,

but they're like, oh, it's too much.

So they shut it down

because it's obviously ultra-conservative.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I must, that pant must've been doing a hell of a lot.

I had to contain those thighs.

Yeah, I know.

I appreciate you got too much in the split.

Yeah, I thank my pants every day.

I take them off like good for you.

Well done pants.

You really did the Lord's work there today.

I want to know when you split your pants,

because it's just so funny to me

that a seam not being able to contain your butt

is really funny to me.

Especially if you're away from home,

you're at work, a job interview, a wedding.

Yes, you're dropping it low and you split your pants.

When did you split your pants

and was it just at the worst time?

Okay, let's take your stories.

I want, I want 100 diles and Amazon number.

Give us a call.

You can text through 9 6 9 6.

When did you split your pants?

Play ZM's Fletch for the Naili.

You're talking about when you split your pants

because Iggy Azalea, who was still performing music.

I wouldn't bother if I were her

or only fans is making enough money.

Oh my God.

Like $4 million in a month.

Just do that.

She raps, doesn't she?

Yeah, she does.

She's a rapper.

Well, she was performing in Saudi Arabia

and split her pants and they had to kick her off the stage

because Saudi Arabia is too conservative for split pants.

So message is in.

Thank you.

We asked on Instagram if you'd ever split your pants.

Heidi said, my power split is his dancing,

his own wedding, he was the groom.

He just took them off and the rest of the night

he spent in his undies.

Yeah.

I mean, you've had your photos by then, haven't you?

Yeah, that's part of the principles.

Yeah, you're on the roll now.

I've had a few in your wedding photos and your knickers.

I'd be too early for a split pant.

You'd just hide it as best you could.

Yeah, Photoshop, Photoshop that.

Somebody else at work decided to do push-ups and squats

for fun.

My wife had to go and buy me new pants.

Hoodie and I, I split my pants

and I just tied my hoodie around my waist

and spent the rest of the day.

Yeah.

With my hoodie turned around my waist.

Every woman's done that, but for different reasons

at some point or the other.

Yeah.

Oh, okay, hold on.

The person with the hoodie,

the text, their messages came in reverse order.

Oh yeah, okay.

At Disneyland after riding Splash Mountain

too many times, my pants were wet.

And then when they were wet and I stood up and they split,

luckily it was near the end of the night,

my husband gave me his hoodie

and I just tied it around my waist.

Okay.

So she's claiming the wetness of Splash Mountain

affected the integrity of the pant.

It might have been that, you know,

you have to sit on that kind of seat.

Do you have to sit on the seat?

The bar?

Is it like a bar seat?

Oh yeah, maybe.

Yeah.

Tightens the fabric.

Could do.

Court said the Snoop song, drop it like it's hot,

claimed three pairs of my pants at university.

She dropped it too hard.

She dropped it too hard.

I wasn't learning there.

At a winery, while I was doing a wine tasting, says Viv,

I bent down her to split and felt the breeze on my tush.

You don't want to feel a breeze on the tush.

The cold breeze on the tush.

It's when you can feel the cold breeze.

You know, you've really penetrated the same, yeah.

More than just a hole, you've created a split there.

My son split his pants at the school gala.

He wasn't wearing undies.

So he popped the squat, the pants ripped and his balls hung out.

Oh, no.

At the school gala.

Oh, dear.

Cassie, when did you split your pants?

Hi, yeah.

Well, it wasn't me.

It was at one of my friend's weddings.

It was the groom who split his pants.

No.

What, did he just bend down or sit down or something?

Well, he's a bit of a party guy.

He loves, you know, being on the dance floor and all of that.

And I think he jumped into the split.

And it's so tight.

No, no, it's okay.

It's not a stretch.

You've got to be in active wear for a split.

Exactly.

And then, yeah, they're pretty much split fully in half.

Oh, for God's sake.

It didn't stop the mood, though.

And he, yeah, he kind of kicked out from the night away

and didn't stop anything.

It was kind of more easy than one, if anything.

Was the bride okay with this?

It was shea bit like you've ruined our special day.

She didn't do anything that night.

And then the next morning kind of got a message from her saying,

these are probably the most expensive pants I've ever bought.

And now can it be worn again?

Yeah.

There's nothing worse than when someone's showing off.

Yeah.

And then they split their pants and you're like, oh, shame.

Cassie, thanks, you call it, Ali.

When did you split your pants?

I was on a date with a guy from Tinder.

Yeah.

And he suggested we go dirt bike riding.

We dirt bike riding.

Yeah.

So it was our second date.

And I thought, why not?

I was only 17.

So I was still quite adventurous, we'll say.

Yep.

And I had never ridden one before.

So I got on.

He showed me the clutch, the throttle, and the brake and let

me go.

Yep.

First time I fall off and I'm fine.

But I'm like, no, I'll get back on.

I'll do it again.

I want to try it.

Yeah.

I get about 10 meters.

I wipe off, like, fully fly off and get, like,

kind of crushed by the bike.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, cool.

It's a great, great time for a date.

And he, he, like, rushed over and was like, are you OK?

And I was like, yeah, fine, no, I'm totally fine.

And I feel really cold.

Like, oh, my leg.

And I look down and I've split my jeans from my knees

right up the front and back.

Jesus.

Oh, man.

Wait, so is your crotch, is your crotch revealed?

Yep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, that's one way to get there.

And on a second day.

On a second day.

Me, you're really rushing into that.

You're really, really just diving on in there.

Allie, thanks for your call.

A couple of messages to finish.

While at work, I work, I'm a nurse.

I squatted down to do bloods on my patient

and heard a tear and then felt an instant cooling breeze

on the entire crotch area.

And that was the end of those pants.

Lots of weddings.

This is the thing, people are putting too much stress

on a formal pants thing.

I always will do this because you'll put on your pants

from last time and they don't fit the same.

No, no, no, constantly getting bigger.

I don't want to buy new pants.

It's one day.

What can go wrong?

Someone messaged...

Now, not a pants split.

So forgive me for putting this in here.

But they were at a wedding wearing a dress

that was buttoned up from the bottom to the top.

Then surfing USA came on and they jumped wide

like they're on a surfboard and every single button popped.

But the two...

Everybody's doing surf.

Yeah.

It works.

a whopping survey. I'm going to say it's a whopping survey. Ask people what they find

to be the most common stresses in their life. The little things that make your day just

a little bit worse. And they've compiled it into a list of 10 the top 10 daily stressors.

Okay. Some of these grind my gears. Number 10 was being subjected to a nearby stranger

speakerphone conversation. Yeah. Yeah. What about that guy who was sitting beside us in

the cafe that was having a back and forth voice notes? So much so it would have been

so much easier for him to call the person because he was obnoxiously recording them

loudly in the cafe, sending the voice note, then it gets sent back headless into it. Then

it that happens more than once. Yeah. Pick up the phone and call them. I love a voice

number nine for getting an umbrella during a downpour. Yeah. Just run. Just run. I was

discovering an empty fridge at dinnertime. I hate I hate when I'm hungry and look in

the fridge and there's literally nothing I can eat without having to put in a lot of

work. Right. I have a big jar of pickles. Yeah, we have pickles yesterday. I went to

grab the pickles and they were finished, but the juice was still in there. Someone finished

the pickles and put the juice back in there. Yeah. I've got a backup jar of pickles in

the cupboard. Yeah, but they're not refrigerated. They're not refrigerated, but they're still

alright. Dill pickles? No, they're the sweet and sour ones that are sliced or holed. Sliced.

Oh, we always got holed. Slice my own. Yeah, they're always snacks, always pickles ready.

Yeah. Well, I was like ham, but then I watched a video on how ham's made. Turns out all pigs.

I saw that video, was that online over the weekend? It's like, people are shocked how

ham's made. And I'm like, I don't want to watch that. I love slice ham. I love ham. Yeah.

I love wrapping a pickle in ham. I think people are surprised that it's moust and moolly together.

It's a moust and moolly. If it's not champagne ham, it's like a moust up reset and then shaved.

Nobody wants to know how the dog roll's made, you know? Yeah, we don't need to see that.

How the chub's made. The saying is, you don't want to know how the sausage is made.

Nobody wants to know how the dog roll's made. It's moolly. It's all moollyed up.

Yeah. Number seven was stubbing your toe. Hate that. So these are the biggest.

Top 10 daily stresses. Yeah. Because you can only blame yourself for stubbing your toes.

Yeah, exactly. Your own clumsiness. Six having drying laundry drenched and by unexpected rain.

Quick, get the washing off the line. That's, oh my gosh.

Charlotte went to the supermarket. She said, if it starts to rain, get that washing in, will you?

Now I was going outside and I looked at the washing and I looked at the clouds and I was like,

I'm not taking any chances. And I put it inside and then walk, walk, walk, walk down.

Good boy. That's why you're a good husband. Cleaning the home is number five.

Only to have it upended by kids or a partner soon after.

Just clean this. Can you not see? Number four, experiencing car trouble.

Number three, trailing behind a slow walking person. This is my number one.

My number one. Especially when there's two or three people on a footpath taking up the

entire footpath. Oh my God. When friends are walking together and they're in a rank.

I nearly effed. I nearly effed. It's a stressor. Life's too short.

Don't you have somewhere to be? This is why when we walk together, we're fast walkers.

It's great. Sprinting. We're essentially sprinting. The top two, two is essential home appliances

malfunctioning. To me, not as bad as a slow walker. Nah, neither. What about further more

to the slow walker? What about someone that just stops in the middle of a. Oh my God. I want to

push them. I want to push them. I give them a little. I'm in the middle of the Super Margarile.

Stop with my trolley sideways. Yes. Number one was being caught in traffic. No, I hate that,

but I just avoided all costs. I think the slow walker is, yeah, for me, that's number one.

It's number three on this list, but it's my number one move. Get out the way. If you're walking,

you are already privileged to have two working legs. Use them or lose them.

Pointing at a customer's legs. Yeah, man. I'm going to cut them straight off.

25 minutes away from eight. I had a little bit of a talking about frustrations. Had a weird

frustration at the weekend. Okay. With a brand new item. And you know what? I'm telling you

the story. No one seems to believe me. Yeah. I've cocked it up somehow, but I haven't. Okay.

I'll tell you what happened next. Do I leave her down tonight? Oh, can I tell you something about

this song next to deal? Yes. I told you I had someone to say about that song. Ariana Grande

has released a version. Here we go.

She could totally have done this for the movie.

It's not mixed very well. Ariana sounds like she's moaning. Listen to the chorus then.

Watch me.

Yeah, it's such a voice. Joke's on you. Joke's on you. You've been punked. It's me. The punk king.

The punk king. Where's Ashton? The punk king. The punk king. We're all about to be punked.

That's AI. What? Listen. Oh my God, I just got here a little. That's why it's mixed so badly.

The vocals are too clear. The vocals were clear, weren't they? Yeah.

That was incredible, though. Nuts. Oh, they don't need it. Oh my God,

imagine finding it. You don't need your... They don't need her to sing anymore.

They just get the computer to do it. What? They're going to realize they don't need radio

announcers. Are they? Shut your mouth. Good luck replicating this talent.

Good luck coming up with these sick gags. Good luck to you, artificial intelligence.

Maybe I'll start a person adding artificial intelligence. But that means we're...

Bands are going to be able to resurrect with hit songs.

What do they have? They did the Beatles recently. Oh, we had these songs

that John Lennon refused to record them. Well, Joke's on John Lennon.

I'm Ringo and I'm going to sing... Purple submarine.

I don't know. Wow, that's crazy. That's what I learned.

That's what I learned. Nothing I learned at the weekend. My doodles did... My doodles?

Your doodles? My doodles. My daughter turtles. We're making candles at the weekend.

Yeah. They're re-dipping. Should I stop this? Slightly distracting.

Can you provide a non-descript musical background? Can you provide us a little...

So a non-candle. Absolutely, I can do it. Can we listen to it?

Concentrate. Absolutely.

Yeah, that's all the vibe. They were cranking out some candles at the weekend.

And we got them... Shaday ordered these new pouring jugs with a long spout for an easy pour.

Now... Because what do you... You melt the wax. You melt the wax. So we buy all the glass jars.

Yeah, they've got this little thing. These neat little ones that can do like three candles at a

time. But then we're like, we want to really get into it. So we hide this big wax melter that

could hold like 15 litres of wax. We'll watch how to coir. Yeah, watch out. We're coming.

Wow. We're coming. We must be shakin' in their boots. So... Yeah, so you melt the wax. They

show me how to do it at the weekend. Yeah. You melt the wax. Then you take it out and you stir in

the fragrance. Then do not pour until it cools down. It goes to 80 degrees. It's got to cool

down to about 62. Then you pour it into jars that have come out of the oven that are warm.

Right. Because you want to split them. Yeah, with wicks in it. Yeah. And you hold the wicks up with

the thing and then you pour it and then you just leave it for 24 hours. It's got to settle.

It's got to set. Okay. It's got to set. So we started out with the new jugs and we worked out

one full jug with the fragrance. One litre. Yep. Split between three candles would be perfect.

Oh, yeah. Okay. 333 mils repeating. Yeah. Now, the first two candles were poured and then the third

one was lower. And I was like, you put too much into that one. They're like, no, that's how much

we put in the... So anyway, everybody's just like, what's going on? Where have we gone wrong?

Breaking it down, breaking it, breaking it down. And I'm finally like, it's the jug. So I put the

jug on some scales. Now this blew my children's mind and my wife's mind. Yeah. Put the jug on the

scales and I... You hit zero. You hit it on. Yeah. And I filled it up to 1000 mils. Yeah. One litre.

Yeah. And I only weighed 900 grams. And I said, it's mislabeled. Yeah. It's wrong.

This says that it's holding a litre. It's only holding 900. That's a betrayal.

That's a 10th out. Yeah. That's a 10th out. Because it's the same, isn't it? Litres and...

So 1 kg of water is 1 litre of water. Yes. That's the great way to work it out. Look,

I'm not going to pretend I didn't know that and find that out of my adult years because I did.

You knew that? I did not. It blew my mind when I found it out. Yeah. Yeah. I think I remember

learning it at school. But now that you've... Now you've seen it. I've seen it. Yeah. I think

I was sick of that when we did that at school. Did you done that at home? I didn't done it. Yeah.

You didn't done that at home? Okay. Oh, you must have. Yeah. I said these jugs are mislabeled.

And she didn't know this. I'm living. Right. They were very, very cheap plastic jugs. But

still, regardless of price, you expect it. A 1 litre jug to be 1 litre, not 900. That's a 10.

That's a 10 out. If I was making meth, all I'm saying is if I was making meth, that is a crucial

difference. You could be killing people. Yeah. Or you'd get killed. If I buy meth off you. Yeah.

And I'm a 10th short. Yeah. I'm upset. You're pretty going to go... The ratio's out. I'm going to

get them whacked. The ratio's out so it makes it highly volatile and it explodes and it kills me.

Actually, that might be why there are so many meth lab explosions. They're using the cheap

plastic jugs. Cheap plastic jugs. So hang on. If I invest my hard earned money into buying one of

your daughter's candles, am I getting 330 mils? Who's getting that? You are. Because Shaday,

that's what I was like, no one's going to know. Shaday's like, she's like, no, this is not the...

Oh, good quality control. Yeah, quality control there. Good. Yeah. Because I don't want to be,

I don't want to be ripped off. Otherwise, I'll just keep going to a choir. I could do you a deal.

I'll knock a couple of bucks off for the short candle. No, I would rather more longevity with

my candle. My longevity in the candles. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So where did these jugs come from?

From the candle making place. Oh, my God. I don't think they know what they... I'm going back to

them, returning the giant melter. Oh, you're not going to say. I was. Are you going to say something?

Oh, no, I simply... You have to. Okay. Because I don't think they know. And unless you tell them,

how are they supposed to know? Yeah. They should send... They'll send them back to

the manufacturer for a full refund. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And Shaday's like, well,

I'm chucking them recycling. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Those would be great for pouring

oil. So now they're a garage jug. Oh, we're wrong. We could have a garage. You've got to use a Pyrex.

But you have to. Your Pyrex would never happen on the Pyrex time. No. Pyrex doesn't have a good

pouring spout for this. Because we've got a Pyrex and I tried it, but it's a fat dribbler.

Yeah, it's a fat dribbler. It is a fat dribbler. And when you're doing a slow pour, it runs back

down the Pyrex. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It doesn't have a long pointy pour. You've got to tip it more.

Yeah. But then the candle pour I've learned is a slow pour. Right. Wait, are your kids doing

anything? Yeah, see, this is my issue. This is my issue actually with the candle business.

Using kids as a front. You uploaded a video of the kids watching the pot and I saw your

reflection in the wax, which means that you're actually melting that. Yeah, because they're not

like time-lapse nerds. I was like, how's it going? How's it going? And they're just like,

leave it. I think they're making these candles and selling them off to be all look cute. The girls

are making candles. You think I would be bothered with that? My big job was lifting the heavy bag

of wax because this thing was so bloody tall, no one else could get it up. Right. So it was

a let something else the kids haven't done. I question what they are even adding to this business.

They're not getting my help for nothing. I lift a bag. That's a hundred bucks.

Interesting. I see they got an idea of what lifting costs. So you're an employee now.

Are you going to pay them to pay tax? Secondary income? Oh no, I'm embezzling.

Right. So they didn't even know they're paying me. A little off the top. Wow. You're going to bring us

some candles? Well, not after you've just outed me from embezzling. We thought it was solved it,

hadn't we? The environment, the planet, the turtles, we were like, let's get rid of plastic straws.

That'll do it. That plastic bags, dun, dun, dun, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

bring us the steamer to the Chinese takeout. Yep. Yeah. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick,

tin water bottles. Tick, tick, tick, tick, wash your plastics. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Hang on. The earth's still on fire. What? And then we had paper straws, which I detest.

I know they're the worst. Oh my God. Those sugarcane ones are the best.

I know, but the texture's so weird, I squeezed it. Yeah, you squeezed it and it broke.

Then you wanted to squeeze the next one you got too. And I tried to bite it just because

of sugarcane. I was like, yeah, I'm a little delicious treat after my coffee. Yeah, that don't

work. That don't work when you squeeze them. No. So apparently paper straws, which have been the go-to

replacement for plastic straws, which were banned years ago in the UK, 2020, I think,

they banned them. Have we banned them officially? Yeah, I wonder that. I think it's just kind of a

move away from a lot of places. Well, apparently, plastic paper straws contain forever chemicals

called PFA's, perfleurotinic acid. Okay. PFA's. And it's a substance that is added to eco-friendly

straws to help them be more water repellent. Because if you actually just rolled up a piece of

paper and it would disintegrate. I reckon you get one go. You get one hoon. You have to really

give it everything you've got. Whereas straws, they do have a little coating of this stuff

that is incredibly toxic, not only to us as we're sipping from them, but for the environment.

Oh, man. So what are we going to do then? What do we do? Just lip it. You have to lip it.

Thousands of years they'll last the environment, these chemicals. Oh, wow.

Okay. So while we're like, oh, the straws disintegrated, the chemicals they've left behind.

The chemicals in the paper straw will last thousands of years, but the paper straw itself

lasts not even one drink. Okay, great. Literally. Literally, like, cannot be, you've got to quickly,

so I keep getting so drunk, you know, you get a cocktail and they've got a little paper straw in

there and you're just trying to drink it as fast as possible before it disintegrates.

No, it's the booze mixing with the PF. No, no, it's the straw. The straw's the issue.

So yeah, they're saying there's just nothing we can do about it. Basically,

there is no good alternative. Other than just lip, drink out of that.

Steel. Steel. Yeah.

Because they even had these in glass straws. They tested paper straws, glass straws,

plastic straws, and steel straws. Steel straws had none of these.

But the steel straws get really cold if you've got lots of ice.

Just get a little, like, a little bit of, like, piping, you know, from your house.

But what about a bit of butane piping? Yeah. Like a plastic PVC.

No, they can't be good either. No, I don't reckon.

Too big as well. Just lip it. You've got to lip it.

Or just BYO steel straws. Stelies.

Oh, no. A few people do that. Just have some in there. Like, handbag? Yeah.

I've got some. I don't take them out with me, though.

Oh, plastic. This is so good to drink from.

We don't say that out loud.

I know, but we are all thinking it.

Yeah.

Taylor Swift, you need to calm down.

That's today's eight o'clock song that you need to remember if you want to win those tickets.

The next song coming up with George at midday.

So you need to calm down and you need to remember the name of that song.

And you need to remember it.

All right. Yes. Yeah.

And you need to listen to me because I'm going to tell you a story about a mother.

Now, this, I kind of reading this article, it's made sense in my head why she feels this way.

This woman is 33 years old. She's got a 15 year old son. So she was 18 when she had him.

So a young mum and she says she is absolutely adamant.

She doesn't want a teenager to have to work before he leaves the house,

get a job, earn any money in any way.

She's like, he can work his whole life and I could fund him now.

All I want him to do is just enjoy his childhood and just play and have fun and freedom.

And I'll pay for it. I'm happy to. And I want him to make the most of that.

Before he leaves.

I think that too.

And then my kids have been on my iPad for four hours that day.

Please leave the house.

You are absolutely frittering away the day.

Yeah.

Get off that and go do something.

She says, I think it's insane to tell a small child who's 14 or 15 to go out into the world

and get a job for experience as if they're not going to get that experience their whole life.

So why push it now?

I mean, yeah, you're right. She does make good points, but.

But also teaches them the value of money.

Totally.

Like you work, you get money, you pay a bit of tax, you get that money.

Now you've got that money.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do with it what you will.

But she's been wearing it online for saying this.

Oh my God. Everyone's like, no, yeah, it's a really valuable thing to teach people that they work

and they get, you know, and have good work ethics and work hard and get paid for the.

Yeah.

I think you've got to have that crappy first job.

Like you say, you've got to learn.

Yeah.

About the moneys and the tax.

Oh my God. Yeah.

I mean, I got a paper run when I was 12, 11 or 12.

Yeah, I did a paper run too.

Circulos, junk mail.

Oh no, I did the evening post.

Oh, okay.

I did the evening post.

So she was delivering journalism and you were delivering to boxes that didn't say no junk mail.

Yes.

No, but you were also delivering to the boxes.

I didn't know I did.

I delivered journalism as well.

Though I did the daily news and man, that was early because you did the evening post.

That's after school.

Yeah, after school.

Those are the cushy hours.

You did the morning.

I did.

They had to get up early.

Yeah.

How long did you last do that?

Not long.

Right.

Not long.

Before school.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't remember those kids that used to do the New Zealand Herald delivery

and they were always, they were always tired at the end of school.

Oh my God.

Stuff that.

But they always had like skateboards and stuff.

But I did that.

And then when I was, I think, oh, then I worked for my dad in the school holidays.

Yeah, but that's it.

That was a Nepo job.

That was a Nepo baby job.

Data entry and filing and whatnot.

He paid me $10 an hour.

Cash.

Cash.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, that was cash.

That wasn't going through the box.

I was like, I was like, my grandad used to pay us cash.

He's passed away now, but I don't want the IID going after a dead man.

Can the IID go after a dead man?

I don't know if the IID can go after a dead man.

It might not be worth their time, I don't think.

No, I don't think so.

Yeah.

That's it.

Very hard to get answers out of $5.

I think we should take some calls on what was your first job.

You get crappy first job.

Creepy first job.

Because all of us, I mean, I'm sure she doesn't want her son to work, but

my parents want you have to.

Yeah, because I could.

To be fair, I didn't contribute to the household.

The money I earned was mine.

And I saved it and I went because I went to England, you know, and I was like, oh,

I got a thousand bucks.

I'm going to go to H&M by myself a shirt with my hard earned money.

Oh, we're talking about you have to have been paid for it.

Oh, because you would have done a lot of farm jobs.

Yeah.

But that doesn't count.

No, my dad never paid us.

But like our grandparents used to pay us if we did farm stuff.

And I was going to say, I remember as a kid, because you were small at the sharing shed,

you'd go down the slide that they put the Shawn sheep down.

And it would always be really slidey wood because it had lanolin on it.

And you'd go, we underneath until we're all the poos was.

Oh, yeah.

And you'd have spades and you dig out all the poos and you chuck it on Nan's roses.

And you didn't get paid to do this.

No, no, then we got paid to do that.

That's what I think I can remember being the earliest thing we got paid for.

Right.

Wow.

And they give you 10 bucks cash and you'd be 10 bucks.

Yeah.

An hour the way.

No, a day.

Until it was done.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

It's ridiculous.

But you got lollies too.

Oh, okay.

That's all right.

That's all right.

Yeah, okay.

That's it.

I would have spent my pay on lollies anyway.

Same, yeah.

So we're just going straight to the lollies.

All right.

Well, let's take your calls.

I'll 800 dials at Amazon number.

You can message through 9 6 9 6, text us.

What was your first, your crappy first job?

Yeah.

What was the pay rate too?

Yes.

Yeah.

Bonus of it was like a low rate for the whole day.

$3 a week or something.

Yeah, yeah.

Or free.

We are sharing our crappy first jobs that we had.

Because there's a woman online who's being eaten alive

because she said she never wants her son to have to lift a finger

and work a day before he leaves the house.

Because why should he?

That's a controversial opinion.

But we're not talking about the controversial opinion.

We're talking about your first little jobs.

Yeah.

You need no jobs.

They aren't little jobs, they're not very little jobs.

They're hugely responsible.

Yeah.

Zoe, what was your first crappy job?

I know when I was eight, I lived in a small town

and my mum used to bake muffins for me on Saturday morning.

And then she dropped me off downtown

and I would go and sell muffins to all the store owners

for like $2.50 each.

And I'd probably make like 50 bucks.

And so that would be my pocket money for the week.

Wait, did you...

So your mum made the muffins?

Yeah, yeah.

And she would take the money for like the ingredients,

but she would let me have the rest of it.

Getting you out of her hair as well.

You do your maths, don't you?

You're not getting ripped off, $2.50.

So you know, the coins, you'd have to give them change

if they popped you a five.

Yeah, wow.

Yeah, let's go like right at 10.30, right on morning tea,

more muffins, like hope and resist.

Now, what kind of muffins are we talking?

Are we talking banana choc chirp?

Blueberry.

Blueberry.

Yeah, it was a mixture.

Changed every week.

So, you know, I'll let you know.

I want one of these muffins.

Were they good muffins?

Yeah.

Yeah, the best.

Oh, damn.

Well, now, can I have a muffin?

Are you incurring for a white chocolate and raspberry?

I was just...

Yeah, that's a good mix.

That's a good muffin.

Yeah, a little toasty white chocolate in there.

Whatever it is, it needs a gooey centre.

There has to be gooey.

Yes, there has to be gooey.

Gooey centre.

And like a drizzle?

Not a nice hint of drizzle.

Yeah.

No, no, no, icing sugar on top.

Thank you, Zoe.

Some more messages in your crappy first jobs.

I delivered the Waikato Times to Raglan six days a week

for $18 a week.

It's $3 a week.

$18 a week.

Day?

That's pretty good.

$3 a day to deliver the paper.

Yeah, I think that was a couple of bucks a day.

It would have to be early 90s.

Lots of hills in Raglan though, so kept pretty fair.

And a nice old lady on a Saturday always waited for me

and gave me a Snickers bar going up her hill.

Oh, my dream.

That was a nice one, wasn't it?

You think she's still around?

I picked up all Dad's Durry Butts for five bucks.

Durry Butts?

I don't know if that's...

Pick them up so Dad can get all the little backies

and make himself a Super 6.

No!

Oh, Mum just hit the roof about so Dad had smoked them

and dropped them and then you'd have to pick them up.

Either way, nasty.

Always gets on your fingers, doesn't it?

Nasty.

I was an errand girl in the office at a food processing factory.

I had to do files, make people's coffees,

clean up before and after meetings,

help with typos and drafts.

This is too much responsibility for a child to be a spy typo.

I used to do it for four or five hours, four times a week.

I was there till late and got paid $5 an hour to do it.

What is that like?

Could it sound like slave labor?

Was that minimum wage back in the day?

Yeah.

Yeah.

My first job was cleaning the local BNZ at night.

Think about how crazy that was in a small town.

There was a 14-year-old rocking around with keys to the bank.

Oh my God, they wouldn't have had like the greatest safe either.

No, it's probably just one of those wee ones that you spin

a certain amount of times that it can clink and it opens itself.

Wow.

Could there be like a Rogue 20 just lying on the floor

that someone dropped as well?

Probably.

Yeah, probably.

Probably wrote myself a few withdrawal slips.

Yes.

At 14, I started washing dishes at our restaurant for $6 an hour.

Oh yeah, that's pretty good.

$6 an hour.

Um, Mum was a single parent who owned a cafe when we were young.

When we were young, so every school holidays from the age of 12,

we were in there doing dishes all day.

Payment was a feed cooked by the chef, so that was pretty good.

Payment was the house you live in.

Yeah.

A roof over your bloody head.

Your kids have got no idea how good you've got it.

Worked at a deli for $6 an hour.

Hey, this is good.

This is bloody smart here.

Where is this?

First job is doing my brother's paper route.

Yeah.

Because I used to make my Mum do mine for free.

Doing my brother's paper route,

thought it was great, $7 a week.

Wasn't until I was 12 when I took it over properly

and I found it was $14 a week.

He'd outsourced me because I'd get a little cut off the top.

Course he was.

Course he was.

Oh wow.

He subcontracted.

That's amazing.

Let's get that.

Dean, good morning.

Good morning.

So this was you?

Yeah, yeah.

I thought it was pretty good.

He's smiling at your brother.

That's really good.

He's making as much as you are and doing nothing.

Is he in prison for tax evasion now

or is he just paying it off?

I don't know.

Oh, he's happy.

He was happy.

Yeah, right.

Okay.

But what does he do now?

He's a builder.

But he's still cutting corners.

Yeah, he'll be ripping someone off.

I'll tell you this.

He will be ripping someone out.

He's charging out an apprentice at $60 an hour.

How dare he?

Thanks, Dean.

Someone said we had to clean out the pigsty.

That was the first...

Oh, yuck.

That wouldn't have been...

We had a concrete pigsty.

So you could spread it all down with a hose.

You were basically just getting paid to play with a hose.

Year 2001, my first job was in a pharmacy for $5 an hour.

And now it was great as a Big Mac combo was $5.

So one of your hours, that's paid for your life.

Those are your glory days.

Yeah, those are the glory days.

Those are glory days.

Can we ask the show sponsor to bring back

the $5 Big Mac combo?

I don't know if this...

In this environment, that's even possible.

Even if it's just for us.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

God, lots of people.

Somebody just said we just took it upon ourselves.

We borrowed money off Mum and Dad

to buy a bulk, massive box of lollies.

And then we sold the bags.

They were...

We just went door to door,

literally walking around the neighborhood.

Do you want to buy a bag of lollies?

Hello, drop shipping.

They pretty fingered all those lollies, too.

Oh, yeah.

They were the rat.

They were the rat.

They were the rat.

Yeah, yuck.

Because they'd be licking their fingers too.

Fingering the gummies.

Yeah.

Oh, I know.

I love it.

Play Zodium's Fletch, Vaughn and Haley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Oh, that was peppy.

I've been slightly distracted

while reading The Fact of the Day

because on the side was like a silly ad.

You know how they've got those real click-baity ads?

Like, this one says,

woman finds strange kitten vet bursts into tears

after seeing it's not a kitten.

Oh, my gosh.

I want to see.

And then there's a picture of something.

Oh, my God.

And you're like, so I, the one that,

I didn't click on it, but it cracked me up.

Oh, one teaspoon every night,

burns body fat like never before.

You'll fit your pants again.

Oh, my God.

And there's some woman with an absolutely shredded midsection.

But the funny one,

verse headline says,

Harry Potter actress amazes fan what she looks like after 20 years.

And there's a picture of Dobby the house elf.

And then a blurred photo of Emma Watson next to it.

Like Dobby turned into Emma Watts.

I'm not even sure what they're trying to get me to click for anymore.

It's fantastic.

It's insane.

But this isn't the Daily Mail.

It's the Daily Star that has this story.

Okay.

This was sent to me.

Now I do want to give credit to the person who sent it to me,

but Reese.

Reese, okay.

Reese sent this and he's like,

this is an interesting fact of the day.

Thank you, Reese.

And it's a story behind a baseball team that was made up entirely of men on Death Row.

They were called the Death Row All-Stars.

The Wyoming State Prison Death Row All-Stars.

And these men had committed a whole lot of very heinous crimes,

but they were all very good at baseball.

So as long as they kept winning,

they wouldn't be put to death effectively.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

Okay.

They played once.

They thrashed this team.

They won 11-1 over Wyoming Supply Company Juniors,

which was one of the strongest teams in the area at that time.

Now the killers, the Death Row All-Stars,

they beat them 11-1.

And everyone's like, what a spectacle.

And then the guy who's in charge,

I'm imagining it's like the Green Mile.

Yes.

There's the guy or the Shawshank Redemption.

What do they call the guy in charge of the prison?

The Warden.

The Warden.

The Warden.

The Warden's like.

I was about to say Maiden.

The Maiden.

Yeah.

The Warden's like, she ain't got a deal for you.

You're a bunch of bandage on Death Row,

but keep winning and making my prison the star of baseball team,

and you're not going to get the lucky chair.

That's a good character for you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

It's kind of like a conveys with you.

Do you go to drama school as well?

He used to be.

Nah, I just thought of that one.

Do you have a degree from Toife Cutty New Zealand Drama School?

No, I don't.

No, I don't.

But he has me being a pancake.

Oh my God.

Wow.

I've finally seen it with my own eye.

I'm having a pancake.

Anyway, one of the players had a bad game,

and whilst the Warden or person in charge said

it absolutely had nothing to do with that,

his time had come.

Wait till he electrocuted them.

He was put to death.

And then they replaced them with a recent,

because this is the other thing.

These men had special

Gov.

Dispensation to travel,

because they weren't playing in the prison all the time.

Under heavy guard, obviously,

but then they got a new person on the Death Row

who apparently was.

Pretty good.

Quite the pitcher.

Oh wow.

So they need to make room for him on the team.

Yeah.

And one of the weakest links.

Gone.

In the chair, in the chair.

In the chair.

Imagine going up against them.

Yeah, unlike when you're in the All Blacks

have a bad game and they drop you,

they actually put you to death.

They literally drop you.

They're playing for literally the saying

is go out there and play for your lives.

Like your lives depend on it.

Yeah.

They quite literally did.

Wow.

So today's fact of the day,

in the early 1900s,

there was a baseball team

made up of Death Row inmates

that would have their executions delayed

if they kept winning their games.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Someone's text is saying,

I'm a kid with the flu and I woke up late and started throwing up so I missed the first song

I don't suppose you could let me know what it was. I completely understand if not

Can I say it you must be listening at eight o'clock you can message that kid back. Yeah, I think you should

No, actually, let's run some checks and balances on that first. Let's see if that is a kid

We might be being paid for the damn thing. I'm asked for a photo of the bomb text history

Now look

Actually on the 28th of July 2023 that person texted in and said very insensitive

You're all too simple-minded to understand. I've listened for years and I'm disgusted so

No, no, they don't get it. I'm literally deleting the message. I was sitting back. Oh, and I hope your flu lasts

Never doesn't sound like a kid that's not a kid

And then you know what they said the month before

Turn ZM on and then turn ZM off. Who are these people negative Nellie's? Guess what?

You don't get the other

Oh, yeah, yeah, look how maturely we've handled this situation drunk with power

Now youtube have announced a new thing that they're launching

Yeah, which is like a step up from shazam

Because you're going to be able to hum a song and it's going to be able to identify what song you're humming because you know

Sometimes you're like, oh, what's that song and you can't remember the words and you're like it goes

Because shazam only works if you're listening to the song at the time

Yeah, and this is something uh, we have experience working in radio forever people that ring up and they're like

Guys, what's that song and it goes?

Oh my god

My favorite is when people do it on reddit and they're like, what's the song that goes da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da and someone's like

Starwood sandstorm, you know like they they can pick it from yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how people do that

Because that's not even musically. That's not even telling you that

It's not even telling you the tempo or anything. It's just the rhythm

Yeah, nothing but timing

But sometimes if you write it, of course if you write it just right

Yeah, so is it it's someone going to be working at youtube responsible for this be like no, it's

It's a i algorithm, right? Wow, but you'll have to be a decent hammer. You can't be my wife playing a game of cranium

Yeah

Yeah, and they get more intense and they're like

You're like, it's not just really just

Hum the song and what is the rules we've had this argument? What is the rules re humming with your mouth open?

Hmm

Someone took a huge umbrance with the fact that someone was humming with their mouth open

That's that's humming with the mouth. What's the song I was singing?

Okay, so what you're doing is I'm humming to you and you're just

Open

What's it called humming is only to utter a continuous sound or

It's there's no definition of mouth open or closed that I can find just after a quick 10 second guru

Here's another one ready

Mm-hmm

This is one of the greatest pop songs of all time that's what I've googled

Your loving is all I think about I just can't get you out of my head

Can't get you out of my head. You got it. Thank you

Okay, oh I was about to do a Michael Jackson can't do that

Famously, okay, here's one

We weren't wearing the um Harajaku outfits. Yeah, we can't have that I was bearing the photos

Okay, um go on go another one

Hmm

Only for Shakita songs, okay, you know, I love my text avoiding mummy

Which version the new one no Tracy Chapman

Okay

Mm-hmm

Mariah Carey

Oh Selendia

Oh when in houston

That was way more in your body language. You were quite like holding yourself up

Okay, um

All right, I'm a hollow back girl. No, I did hollow back

Back to hollow back girl. It sounds like hollow back girl. I wouldn't do two

Okay

You're pretty good at that. Thank you. You could be google's new ai youtube's new ai

Oh my god, I might leave

No, no, no because people are humming to the ai and the ai's giving them the answer

The ai's not humming to you and you're guessing what it's humming. They should do that. That would be a fun game

No, you know what they should do they should release everybody's hums

Uh as a compilation of lolls. Yeah, that would be funny to hear people. Can I give you another one? Yeah

Nickelback look at that photo

No, this is how you remind me. Oh never mind

All sound the same. Yeah

Thousands of brits were surveyed and they were asked what time do you like to get to the airport before a flight now?

This is international or domestic

What time's my flight 12 10? What time do you think the most popular hour like amount of time people want to arrive at the airport?

One hour before check-in shuts

Oh, no cutting it too fine

So you're you're saying you want to be at the airport one hour even for an international check-in shuts

No, no because if check-in shuts

So you want to be there an hour and a half before the or an hour before it takes off two and a half

You get in there an hour an hour before that. Let's imagine it's international

Okay, i'm flying to

I still don't want to be there for ages. I'm only three hours. I'm gonna be three hours

I've revoked your lounge passes. Why don't you go there because I think you

Both lost touch with the common man. No, I like well

It's a work perk when we will drink it till it's gone. We will absolutely

I know, but I love airports. So I don't mind spending time in airports

See you by yourself. I'm got a fan. I got a fan. I got children and

Yeah, but you did that

I know I did that and I'm just making some time adjustments for it

So research found that 34% of brits arrive exactly on time with two hours to spare before their flight

Departure time. Yeah, so are they told two because we're always told three, right?

Well, we're talking 90 minutes is the international bag drop close, right? Is it 90 minutes? Okay, that's because domestic

It's half an hour, right? Yeah. Yeah, half an hour for domestic. Yeah

So that was the the number one 35% of people saying two hours before a flight

15% would give themselves an extra half an hour. So there'd be two and a half hours. That was the second most popular

time and

22% saying

They'd give themselves three hours because I like to look at duty free. I never buy duty free

But you just like to look on the way out

No on the way in I'll never on the way in the way to my destination. You never buy it

You never buy it on the way out. You only buy it unless it's a booze special

No, but when I'm in when I land I want to go home. You're saying I don't like I don't I don't duty free

Oh, no nip through the duty free. No, I can't be bothered. The key is that you get the duty free on the way out and you

Order it and then you they have it ready. So you don't have to faff around

You just pay for it before you go and then it's there when you arrive like a valet

Well, that's that's high-end. Yeah, and then it's just

Ready so you don't have to faff around when you land because I'm the same as you I land

I just want to go home and I want to get through customs. I just want to get the hell out of there

I was the fun. It's rude. How many people have been to europe later? Nobody has bought me back a gift

No one bought back any duty free or

How's about this though in this in this?

pilot stats

This is you for 9%

Giving themselves at the airport 90 minutes or less

That's so stressful to me. You and the unexpected can happen

I hate rushing for a flight having nearly missed a flight home from australia just the other way like a month ago

I hate it. I hate I hate rushing

I hate feeling like you hate russians. Jesus. Yeah, that's why I make a stand there. I know exactly

I stand for ukraine

As we all do

So when we go for a little malvern weekend

And we're going straight from work straight from work and our flight's at like 12 something. Yeah, we're going three hours

That's coming in fine. But also the lounge pass is the international

Kauru lounge does cocktails and they're not bad. You're gonna get banned from there. Yeah, they aren't bad actually

I always like slam my one down like all right. Let's give us a lullaby. I'm just like don't speak to me like that

I don't care how famous you are

Well, congratulations to you pocus. Listen, you've reached the end

So I would assume if you've listened all this way through you'll either asleep in which case wake up

Or don't you enjoyed it? So drop us a review and tell your friends. That's how podcasts work

ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.