ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 26th October 2023

Max, we're off to the Erie Zoo. Are you ready for some adventures?

This summer at Bianchi Honda, get wild savings and even wilder offers.

Explore wildly new models like the bold 2023 Honda Pilot, the daring 2023 Honda CR-V,

the fearless 2023 Honda HR-V, and so much more.

Let's not get that wild, buddy. Your new friends have to stay at the zoo.

Get your summer adventures started in a new Honda from Bianchi Honda.

Hi, it's Jason Perico. Erie's best car dealership is about to get a whole lot better.

Bianchi Honda is about to start construction on a new, modern, state-of-the-art facility.

One of the first built in the country. Stay tuned.

Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughn and Hailey, this cold snap.

Snow down to low areas in the lower South Island. I've just put my summer doona on.

Oh, your doona.

I was sweating last night in bed. I had a leg out.

Yeah, but it's the next couple of nights that are going to get cooler.

But do you think I have to go back to my winter doona for like two days?

No, just chuck a jumper on, Hawn.

We'll cuddle up to you. Get a blankie, get a blankie, get a blankie.

Okay, a little blankie. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm just checking my period tracker. Day 28. What?

What does that mean? That's imminent.

What is day one? The start.

The start of your period.

So then day 28 is the last day of not.

Well, that's a normal cycle. I've never been on one, but it's the last few months I have.

And honestly, the last few days I have been grumpy.

Congratulations.

So grumpy. Yeah.

Aaron said the other day, like, oh, what can I do to make it better?

I was like, oh, no, just leave me alone.

He was like, not exist.

Roger. Roger that.

And then you don't see him for a few hours and you're like, where is he?

Wow. Okay. So I just don't exist.

Yeah.

So maybe that was a test.

Leave me alone in my hour of need.

What? Right.

The top six is coming up soon.

Yeah. Did you hear about this wedding?

No. Kurt Cobain's daughter.

Oh, yes.

Got married to Tony Hawk's son who looks so much like, I mean, I know it's his son,

but it looks so much like Tony Hawk.

Yeah.

And the person that married them was Michael Stipe from REM.

Crazy.

Him and Kurt Cobain were besties.

We were very good friends.

So you have there the most nineties wedding possible,

or is it the top six more nineties wedding than the Hawk Cobain wedding by Michael Stipe?

We'll give you the chance as well soon to go in the draw to see Olivia Rodrigo live

and ally at the I Heart Radio Jingle Ball Flight Decommodation tickets.

That's happening in the next half an hour.

So listen now for that Olivia Rodrigo song.

Next, so guys have gone.

We've made the news in the UK.

New Zealand.

It's not a good, it's not a good thing to make the news over.

This is on Seven Sharp.

But last night as well, it seems to have had a little bit of a resurgence

and been covered by the news.

And it made me say, thank Christ, we moved out of the suburbs.

City plagued by Celine Dion's siren battles, call for action.

Celine Dion siren battles.

I live in New Zealand local sleeveless.

Siren Kings, colon, New Zealand city plagued by Celine Dion speaker battles.

This is years ago, right?

So yeah, it's back because I clicked on those stories yesterday.

I think the Guardian in the UK had a story and a way to be heard.

The BBC had a story as well.

And I was like, what is this happening all over again?

And it just never stopped.

It just never stopped.

But also the articles, the basing them on, we're from like 2021 or 2020.

Because this is when I, before I moved, we lived next to like an industrial area,

like a long strip, Rosebank Road in Auckland, if you know it.

And it's known as a drag strip.

And like basically the Siren King gathering point.

So I hated it.

And then basically steel speakers anywhere they could, like Skulls, Tsunami Sirens,

chuck them on their cars.

And then play like Crazy Frog or Celine Dion.

Just annoy music at like insane volumes.

You're like, I'm not mad at Celine.

It's not normally Celine that I hear in the city.

It's just, I don't know what it is, but it's horrible.

We lived in Teata too.

We're still Auckland.

It was always Bollywood music.

Oh yeah, yeah.

It's a bit of that too.

Yeah.

And you'd hear it coming from a mile away.

Good mix.

And it's at that moment, like in my apartment, I wish I had a rocket launcher.

Oh yeah.

You know, when I, oh, because I'll hear them sometimes even getting up for work at like

four AM.

I'm like, you pricks.

People are sleeping.

Yes.

Yeah.

It made me, because I was on Seven Sharp last night as well.

So did this kind of overseas interest kind of pick?

I think so.

Kind of got it back in the news cycle here.

Let's have a look.

Let's have a look again at what's happening.

Well, there's one on, yeah, The Guardian that's quoted an article from The Spinoff,

which was written, yeah, early, early 2022.

Right.

Yeah.

That's slow to the party.

That's the guy that had a lady on the, on the TV last night who was like, oh, they say it's all

like sanctioned events and stuff.

And she's like, is it sanctioned at two o'clock in the morning at the reserve?

50 minutes remain?

No.

No.

Can they do anything?

Yeah, there's a whole lot of things they can do.

Right.

But they've got to catch them, you see.

They've got to catch you, don't they?

They've got to catch them.

Because they're cheeky.

They only put it on for five seconds.

I know.

They'll be at the lights.

They'll chuck it on in the city.

And then just pretend it's not then.

But then there's a lot of people on the show last night that have them on full display.

Right.

So you'd be able to see it, but a lot of them have it hidden as well.

God, we sound like old battlers.

God, we'd tell them.

A lot of these, a lot of these.

Tell me.

These, these, these masses, these masses.

Right.

I just love my sleep.

I just love my sleep.

Yeah, it's just, and it's, it sounds terrible.

Take me back to the good old days of a journal only fusion cast a record.

Fantastic.

Pop open the bonnet and really crank some, you know, some sandstorm or some

really a bit of fat boy slim.

I was more of a 90s chemical brothers.

Yeah.

I was more of a pioneer cast.

You're a system.

Like, yeah.

Yeah, but yeah, but yeah, but I like the inflatable aliens.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Pretty hot piece of property.

Well, now that our national will be the next government.

Does this mean Crusher Collins will start crushing some cars again?

Yeah.

Cracker.

Maybe she'll crush some siren King cars.

Yeah.

Maybe she will.

That's that'll be good.

Mmm.

And also TBC special votes still to be counted.

You never know.

You're holding out hope for the greens.

You never know.

The greens might come through with an absolute.

Did all that, didn't all the national MPs that were out campaigning for national

and like act and I mean act probably, but did they know that Christopher Luxem was

also going to cut their holiday short this summer?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Shorter, shorter parliamentary break than like the last few years.

You'd be a bit like, come on, boss.

Come on, man.

You kidding me?

I got people to vote for us.

I've got a batch to visit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Check up on my three homes.

We've been doing nothing for the last six years.

It was easy peasy.

Had all this money bought myself a nice little batch and now I don't even get to enjoy it.

Oh, my God.

Play Zerims, Fletch, Vaughan and Haley.

I almost forgot that I signed up for a new platform called Hey You, reality on demand.

I forgot about that because it's a reality TV hub and I haven't even dived into.

I'm not watching any reality TV at the moment.

I'm having a cleanse.

You're having a clean.

Right.

Okay.

You're having a little cleanse.

Yeah.

You know what?

If I could say tonight on TV, on TV2, it's the final of Down for Love,

which is my favorite New Zealand.

I've decided it is my absolute favorite New Zealand-made television show.

What?

Okay.

I'm sitting right here.

Oh, wait.

You are not nearly as cute as people with Down syndrome or a disability trying to find love.

Like, here we bank off.

There's just that.

There's simply nothing like it.

Also, all of those shows have been canceled.

Oh, not the bank off.

Bank off hasn't been canceled.

Yes.

Seven days hasn't been canceled.

All the other shows have been canceled.

I'm talking about reality TV.

Yes.

I want to watch Down with Love.

I watched the first season.

It's the second season now, eh?

Yes.

And they go back to some of the first season and it is just, it is the gut.

I even think it could melt your ice heart.

I was going to say to seven days, it made you cry.

Very close.

The thing that always really gets me close to it is when the person doing the dating,

their dad starts talking about how special they are to them.

And I'm just like, here we go, here we go, here we go.

Do you want to cry?

I sent you a video that was going to make you cry.

Did you watch it?

Nope.

You're being a boss.

I couldn't.

I wasn't in the right space.

Okay.

I'm going to send it to you, Fletch, and see if we can melt that ice heart.

No.

He'll just be like, oh well.

You can try.

You can try.

Well, producer Shannon, you've been watching a new show that you'd like to discuss.

Yes.

So have you heard of Milf Manor?

No.

And that's all I want to hear about it.

That's all I want to hear about it.

I don't want to hear any more about Milf Manor.

Hear me out.

So it came out earlier this year, but I finally jumped on board.

I had a few seasons of 90 Day Fiancé I was getting through,

but now I'm finally on the Milf Manor train.

Okay.

The premise of the show is some real hot milfs.

Yep.

They like to date younger men.

Sorry.

Just straight up swearing into the mic there.

I'm just reading the description of it.

Yeah.

So hot mums who like to date younger men, younger men who like to date hot mums,

what they've done without telling the contestants is they've invited their mums and sons.

So half the cast are these young boys and their mums are on the show.

This show currently has a 17% rating on Rotten Tomatoes,

where critics describe it as psychological torture and Freudian horror.

No, but wait.

What is the Google users?

Because that's more...

44% likes the show.

Okay, that's terrible then.

Yeah, but basically you're watching a son watch his mum flirt with his new friends.

So wait, there's not...

So there's the young boys and the older mums.

Yes.

There's...

So all the children of the milfs like older women.

Yes.

Oh, that's gross.

And they're dating each other.

This has to be British, right?

No, it's American.

American, yeah.

Really, I thought surely the Brits would do this.

These are the totals of the episode.

Episode one, Milf said, knock you out.

Episode two, your milf should know.

Say like Songtitles with Mother in it.

Yeah.

Three, your milf don't dance.

Four, she's a bad milf jumber.

Five, milf I'm a big boy now.

Gross.

Number six, milf told me not to come.

Grosser.

Gross.

Seven, milf's broken heart.

Eight, I ate your milf.

And nine, I'll always love my milf.

But get this, it gets even worse.

So they're already dating their son's new friends.

They're having to like admit all these things.

They're hooking up.

The worst part is the mums and sons have to room with each other.

So then they like go back to their room

and they're like, oh, I hooked up with your friend tonight

and he's like, yeah, I know.

I understand the casting of this.

How they found older women who like younger men

and they all just happen to have sons who also like,

I mean, it's a little bit.

Oh, it's cooked.

I'm hearing people was acting as if acting isn't going so well.

The youngest milf is only two years older than I am.

Oh yeah.

Shoot me in the face.

They said from 40 to 60 is the age.

And they're all very filled with filler and Botox.

Oh, I bet they are.

She's 44 with a 26 year old.

Not an eyebrow.

She'll know.

No.

Seven, she was 18 when she had.

I, yeah, you can stream it on three now.

I'm enjoying it.

It's great show.

Get into it.

A little trailer.

Even the young boys aren't cute.

They look like little tiddles.

I don't know if you've sold that show

on many people, Shannon, to be honest.

Oh my God.

That sounds absolutely horrible.

The top six.

Work on the pitch, Honore.

Yeah.

Play it.

Sit in, switchboard and hale.

From the self-driving ZM think tank.

This is the top six.

Tony Hawk's son Riley has married Francis B. Cobain,

the daughter of Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain.

Yes.

Tony Hawk, Kurt Cobain.

Massive 90s names.

Huge icons.

Married by Michael Stipe of REM.

What's the frequency?

Kenneth, that's me in the corner.

That's me losing my religion.

Well, these two got married.

I love a bit of REM.

Yeah, dude.

Everybody heard.

None.

It's swamming.

Disturbs a quiet night.

I don't think that's the words, but it's close enough.

It is.

No, it is.

It is.

Good lyrics from you.

But what a 90s matchup, right?

Very 90s.

Skateboards.

Punk.

Grunge.

Grunge.

Michael Stipe.

What would the equivalent be of two celebrities now?

Two massive celebrities.

So you need a huge alternative sports.

OK, so maybe like Sean White.

Sean White, The Snowboarder.

Yeah, OK.

Is he a big enough?

Yeah, he is.

I think he's one of the leaders outside.

Yeah.

And then a massive band that's really like in the moment defining what music is at the

Olivia Rodrigo.

Maybe Ed Sheeran's kids.

Married.

Sean White's kid.

Married by sort of an alternative

overseer of Dave Grohl.

Oh, wow.

Oh, my God.

He had dreams about Dave Grohl last night.

How bizarre that you just brought him up.

From the food fighters.

From the food fighters.

I thought we were like meeting each other.

The food fatters.

That's nice of you.

Well, I've got the top six more 90s wedding combinations than Hawke, Cobain, Michael Stipe.

Yep.

Number six on the list.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas's son.

Yep.

Married to Jennifer Love Hewitt's daughter.

Whoa.

By Alanis Morissette.

Oh.

Please come to the wedding of Mr. and Mrs. Love Taylor Hewitt Thomas.

Love that.

Love that.

That's really good.

Number five on the list of the top six more 90s weddings than the Hawke, Cobain, Stipe combination.

James Vanderbeek.

Dawson.

Oh, my God.

Getting married to Katie Holmes' daughter, Siri.

Yep.

The wedding officiated by Taylor Hansen.

Wow.

Yeah.

Number four on the list of the top six more 90s weddings than the Hawke, Cobain, Stipe combo.

Michael Jordan's son.

Marrying Brian from the Backstreet Boys daughter.

And they're celebrants of Monica and Brandy.

Okay.

Great.

This was fun.

This was a fun list to write.

Yeah.

I was just really having a.

Nailing this.

I wandered down now.

I gotta tell you what.

This next wedding, this is a good looking wedding because number three on the list of the top six

more 90s weddings than the Hawke, Cobain, Stipe.

Jennifer Aniston's daughter.

Marrying Devon Sawyer's son.

Devon Sawyer?

And the celebrant is Elyse Silverstone.

Oh my God.

Yes, of course it is.

Of course.

So who else could possibly be?

It makes a lot of sense.

You know Devon Sawyer?

Yeah.

Still a good looking dude.

Is he?

Still a good looking dude.

Stand by for my opinion on that.

He played the human.

You remember Devon Sawyer?

No.

Yes, you do.

Hey dude.

You know I remember Devon Sawyer.

He was the human when Casper the friendly guy turned to a human.

He was Devon Sawyer.

No.

I've got no idea who you're talking about.

No.

Oh, that's not the photo I saw or I said he was still good looking.

You do.

I'm not saying he's not a good looking man, but I've…

You don't remember 1990's Devon Sawyer?

Yeah.

Look at that photo they just got sent through.

That guy.

Yeah, okay.

Cutie patootie.

Cutie patootie.

Cutie patootie.

Cutie patootie.

Cutie patootie.

Number two on the list of the top six more 90's winning combos

than Hawk Cabane Stipe.

Drew Barrymore's son marrying Jim Carrey's son.

Our first game winning on the top set.

Thank you.

Oh, okay.

Wow, wow.

And the celebrant is Madonna.

Of course it is.

Of course it is.

Of course it is.

90's game icon Madonna.

Tell me who else it possibly could be.

It's Madonna.

Number one on the list.

Oh.

Of the top six more 90's winning combos than Hawk Cabane Stipe.

Shania Twain's daughter getting married to Celine Dion's daughter.

Wow.

By Whitney Houston.

Oh, she's dead.

She's dead, hon.

Yeah, no, no, no.

Those are the ones that have daughters.

Yeah.

I think the whole thing was fictitious.

Wow.

I don't know if these people have children.

I was just taking Famous Parents.

Yeah, yeah.

Tagging on a child.

1990's.

That's today's top six.

Play ZM.

These stats come to us.

Bear this in mind.

Use this as somewhat of a defense.

Yeah.

Because I don't want to start any arguments

if you're with your partner right now listening.

Oh, of course.

No, we don't do that.

But I also think if you're listening

and we're about to read out an industry that your partner was in

and they did cheat on you, you could just text yes,

and then what the industry was, 29696.

Yes.

So I have the top 10 industries for workplace affairs.

I'll start at 10.

That's how lists work.

Yeah.

Now, the number 10 on the list is quite low,

with 4% rate of affair with a colleague.

That's like this is low on the list.

Armed forces.

Absolutely.

All with quite a few soldiers.

Do they have partners?

No, I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't get in between them.

You wouldn't?

100%.

100%.

Yeah, OK.

Number nine on the list, IT.

Oh, yeah.

One of the little computers.

IT.

Well, they can get in, they can read your emails,

they can get to know you before you even know yourself.

Oh, yeah.

And then they know exactly how to butter you up.

Yeah.

Number eight on the list of top industries with workplace affairs,

accountancy, banking, and finance.

Oh, so like the money people.

The money people.

That's hot.

Property and construction.

I reckon their jobs would be so boring

that they've got to spice it up with.

With an affair.

With a bit of hand stuff.

Yeah.

Next on the list, property and construction.

Number seven.

Oh, yeah, you build us.

That's hot.

That's hot.

Yeah, it's so shorty shorts, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a little shorty shorts in the bout.

The big leather bouts with the hammers hanging off them.

I was like, come inside and have a cup of tea.

I did wonder where the last half of that sentence was going.

Number six.

Number six on the list of the top industries

for workplace affairs, engineering and manufacturing.

You know, things get pretty hot and steamy in a plastics factory.

Yeah.

While we've set the mold,

the plastics have been injected into it

and you've just got to wait for it to cool down.

Yeah, so you might as well kiss.

Yeah.

Might as well.

You might as well kiss.

Number five on the list of top industries for workplace affairs,

hospitality and events management.

Yeah, 100.

100.

100.

100.

100.

We're having drinks.

It's late.

Closing up the bar.

It's an insane time of the day to be,

like, functioning professionally.

Yeah.

It really is.

That's why they can't.

And then you've also got all these events

and there's probably hot people there.

Yeah, I know.

I always just think they'll be with each other.

Now, number four on the list of the top industries

for workplace affairs,

and I would have thought this would have been quite hard

unless you're having an affair with yourself,

transport and logistics.

Like, that would be truckies.

Yeah, but they meet up in the middle of nowhere.

Yeah, because it will be.

It'll be, yeah, not just with other truckies.

Yeah, right.

Traveling away second.

You always hear about truckies having second families.

Yeah, God, yeah.

All right.

Pull up to a motown on the side of the road

and get yourself a little hank-pank.

Number three on the list of the top industries

for workplace affairs.

Where did this come from?

From the UK.

Right.

This sounds like this has got Ashley Madison

written all over it.

Ashley Madison was released, like, yeah.

We asked people.

It's just an online UK study that's been done.

Healthcare at number three on the list,

healthcare workers.

Oh, yeah, nurses.

Shaves work in my eyes.

Yeah, it's documented on Shortland Street.

Oh, my God.

What percentage?

Healthcare workers have a 13%

affair with a colleague rate.

That's getting up there.

That's getting up there.

Because the highest on the list is 15.

So number two on the list, teachers,

training and education.

Oh, my God.

I know.

Like, you know, they're the hot dad of the kids you teach.

Meet me down in the geodesimal system.

You should see you make my decimal system, Dewey.

Yeah, that's good.

That's good.

That's good.

The biology teacher.

Probably the only person on the entire faculty

that knows where the pleasure center is.

And it's out the back in his classroom.

Yeah, everyone's just fumbling around down there.

He's like, uh, and she's like,

Okay, so there's one.

She's a singing teacher.

There's one industry left.

If the top industry for workplace affairs,

I haven't said it yet.

What is it?

You said like, like finance, finance, computers.

What are the works of finance?

I'm sorry to have dragged him into that.

Is this why I don't look that Māori?

Because my mother's not my real mother.

No, you're definitely your way to do it is that your

mother cheats on your father.

Okay.

Real estate.

Hard for him to get a fertilized embryo

from another woman into your mother without her knowing,

you know?

Very tricky.

Yeah.

But not impossible.

Okay.

Real estate and fitness aren't on the list.

Number one, the number one industry for workplace affairs,

sales.

Oh, yeah.

Sales.

Is it because you're trying to drink at lunchtime every day?

Yeah.

Or is it because you're always out meeting people?

So you're just meeting so many people.

Smoothing and...

Smoothing can sometimes be flirting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Near may be.

Totally.

Okay.

That'll make sense.

And then before you know it, you're sealing the deal.

You're sealing the deal.

You're doing a little hand stuff just to get, you know,

to commission your KPI.

Yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

You've got to reach your targets, you know,

and it's not going to happen.

So you...

Yeah.

I'll do anything for those KPI's.

Yeah.

You get a little hand stuff going on.

The text we receive?

Yeah.

The text, yes.

And then the industry, yes, armed forces.

Oh, naughty boys.

Yes, came in at the same time as finance.

Someone said, yes, a teacher got my dad.

Got my dad.

Got my dad.

And didn't get to my dad.

Fell into the trap.

He didn't get to got my dad.

Somebody said, I can't believe professional sports people

aren't on the list.

Oh, yeah.

I know they should be.

They should be.

I guess there's just not enough professional sports people.

To be.

Yeah.

Like such a small industry when you think about it.

Yeah.

Definitely healthcare, yes.

We had a young doctor who was looking up with a young trainee

and a senior doctor at the same time.

Oh, good God.

Damn.

Oh, that would have been it.

That's why you do seven years at med school.

You deserve it.

Hell, yeah, man.

You deserve it, man.

Your student loan's huge.

You pay that thing off.

Stressful job.

Yeah.

Might as well be sleeping with as many people as possible.

Now we know about the gender inequality gap, the pay gap.

It's a topic of huge conversation.

And apparently this inequality is costing Australian women

around $2 million in their lifetime.

So Australian women will earn less than $2 million in their lifetime.

Now this is all based on medium.

How much are people earning in their lifetime?

Yeah, it seems, it feels like a lot.

What's the average seller in New Zealand?

When you add it up.

That still seems like, yeah.

That's pre-tax.

Is...

Yeah, it would be.

The household.

That just feels like a lot.

$97,000.

No.

Then they say the average household income in New Zealand is just over $70,000 now.

Well, there's difference to this medium and then there's average.

Yeah, medium, medium, average.

Let's say $80,000.

So how am I doing this?

How do I do the math science?

How many years are you doing like a work life?

Yeah, how many years do you work for?

Well, what's your total that you're trying to work for?

$2 million.

No, they're earning $2 million less.

How many years would you work?

Well, let's say, let's say...

$18,000, $45,000.

$45,000 times.

So you go $2 million for like six months?

Well, yeah, if you did that, if you worked for 45 years.

Minus.

So you said?

Yeah.

$80,000 on average.

It's $3,600,000.

Oh my god, that's like lotto.

No, but you wouldn't eat.

Yeah, but it's taxed.

You get no tax.

Oh, then it's taxed and it's spread out.

Literally 45 years.

Yeah.

Okay, it's not as impressive when you look at it like that, is it?

Yeah, I'm not quite sure how they worked this out,

but this is the stat that they're working with.

The whole article is more about how it needs to stop.

So what are they...

Did they say a percentage of how much less women are paid than men?

Because that's probably where they derived it from.

30%.

30%.

30%, yeah.

And so 30% is $2 million.

They're saying men would be earning $6 million over that period.

I guess that's what they're saying.

Over 45 years.

Oh, I was looking on the edge of this

because there's always that date

where women in New Zealand work for free

for the rest of the year in general.

That date...

Now, did you know 10 years ago,

that date would be the 14th of November?

It is now the 26th of November that we start working for free.

We're closing the gap.

But slowly.

Slowly.

Yeah.

I mean, obviously, it's all varied on industry and whatnot,

but overall, look forward to it.

We've got one more month of paid work.

He's just taking a pay cut.

And he's out raged on this.

I'm out raged.

He's spreading it amongst the females on the show.

Why don't you take a pay cut?

Because I'm not a hero.

I'm not a hero.

You said it's moving slowly.

I was like, we're moving in the right direction.

Do you know with the money that he's taking the cart,

he's actually splitting it between myself, Shannon, and Carwin.

Girls, well done.

I'm a hero.

I'm absolutely a hero.

Yeah, congratulations.

Why can't you all be a hero?

I never said I was.

He didn't want to.

He's happy that the women are earning less.

I see we're moving in the right direction.

But these things take time.

Girls, what do you want to do with our extra money?

Oh my God.

This is outrageous.

Oh, and he's silencing him too, didn't he?

Can you pay for my full license, please?

Oh my God.

Have you still not bought it?

To be fair, please.

$98, please.

To be fair, Fletch actually offered to pay for your full license.

He did.

He did.

He actually did.

He was like, I'll pay for your full license.

The offer has passed.

What are you going to do, Carwini?

Maybe I'll just go out for a nice little cocktail.

Should we go out for drinks and stuff?

And it's on Fletch and his pay cut.

Money well spent.

Oh my God.

And let's go shopping and get some nice clothes.

We'll go out.

We'll go shopping and then we'll go out and then you will work.

You will work for free.

You'll be remembered for this.

You'll be remembered for this.

Put it on my headstone.

Yeah, and I'm going to put you on money one day.

So they put Kate Shepherd on there.

Yeah, actually.

Well, women, one more month of working

for what we're actually paid and the rest of it's for free.

So from the 26th of November, I will be phoning it in.

I will also, that will be my-

You'll be phoning it in?

I'll be phoning it in as well.

Because you're not a hit.

In solidarity.

In solidarity with me now.

Yes.

Same.

Well, man, this is the world to me.

We're all heroes in our own way, aren't we?

Play Zudems, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

So the little poll today is,

do you know your partner's number off by heart?

This is their phone number, not their number of conquests.

Although you do know both.

I do know both.

Yep.

Ah.

I'm good with it all.

61% of people said yes, they know it off by heart.

Really?

Wow.

39% said no.

This is their partner though.

You'd think in a pinch, you want to know one number.

It's probably going to be your partner's number.

I mean, you might have to write their number down

a couple of times, but it's always in contact.

I know Aaron's off by heart, yeah.

But that's because you've known him so long,

would you have met, you would have been in the period before,

like, not having a phone?

No, you would have.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, 2011 we got together.

No, there's iPhones when they got together.

Yeah, there was.

But we, I know his off by heart, my mum's off by heart,

my dad's off by heart, my best friend's off by heart.

But why?

And for some reason, my ex-boyfriend from when I was a teenager.

It's just like one of those ones.

It's burnt in there.

I know a bunch of people's landlines from when I was young,

and they're just in there.

They just rattle around in there free.

Yeah, same.

Yeah.

And those people do not live at those houses anymore.

Oh, of course not.

I don't have a landline.

Parents probably don't even live at those houses anymore.

They probably don't even have a landline.

Yeah, probably not.

Why would you?

Um,

You've got to know some numbers.

It's safety.

Yeah.

I'd be screwed.

Shut up.

I don't know.

I don't know.

She has to ask me every time.

Tell you, you don't know your parents' numbers?

I know they are.

They change to their landline after years and years and years.

Could they not take it with them?

They move too far.

No, they is.

They're down the zone.

They move down the zone.

But they've got cell phones?

You don't know your parents?

No, but it's just contacts.

I don't know anyone's number.

Even VORNs have forgotten yours.

I know yours.

Yeah.

Should I read it out?

Yeah.

Absolutely not.

Just to see if I got it right.

You should not.

All right, some feedback.

Renee on this topic says,

No, I do not.

But our seven-year-old does.

They're like a little walking telephone.

Yeah.

That's right.

Hey, what's dad's number?

Rattles it off.

Did you make your kids remember your number?

They know.

Yeah, because they bring home these little...

It's pretty cool.

Lately, they both had St. John at the school.

Yeah.

And not the man himself, not St. John, the biblical figure.

The ambulance.

The ambulance provider.

And they come in and they say,

And August is of the age where it's like,

This is what you just...

You call this number when something goes wrong

and your mum and dad's name and your address

and your phone number.

Yeah.

And...

But Andy did CPR this year.

Wow.

They told me I wasn't pushing hard enough

because you didn't hear the ribs cracking.

No.

That's a lot to them.

Oh.

Jesus.

That's a bit mad.

Out.

Yeah, apparently those new CPR dolls,

you're like,

If you're not pushing hard because you've got to crack a...

It's a bit dangerous though

because you don't want to be passed out after a drunk night

and wake up to your kid giving you crack ribs and CPR

because she thinks you did.

You've got to cave in sternum and you're like,

Oh, for God's sake.

I was fine.

I was just having a little nonny.

Yeah.

It's funny if you think of that.

It'd be me that they'd be doing CPR on

when Shade has always three stages drunker than I am.

That's true.

That's true.

Um, Bridget says,

Yes, I know his,

but he has not a clue of mine.

I assume that's phone number,

not actual numbers.

Yeah.

Landline, yes, says Kelly.

Cell phone numbers, no.

The landline has burnt into the deep recesses of my brain

from when I was a kid,

but cell numbers are far too long

for my frazzled adult brain to recall.

Yeah.

I just don't bother.

Remember when,

so it's always been 021 or 027 or 025.

And then at the start,

it was three, three, like a lot of three

and another lot of three.

There was six long after that initial one.

Then prepaid came out and it was like three, four.

Then do you remember when they ran out of those

and it was like 021,

then four numbers, then four more numbers?

Yeah.

Yeah, there are some.

There are three, three, five.

And you're like,

Huh?

Yeah.

Way too long.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's too long to remember off the top of the head.

Kirsty said, yes, I do know.

Christy said,

I do apologize.

The R is in the wrong place there.

Christy said, yes,

and only because the last two digits are his,

I just switched around and that then my phone number is that number.

Well, that's handy.

They got their phone numbers at the same time.

Yeah, I bet.

I hate this.

15 years together and I still can't remember his, says Marie.

But if you might not remember.

There's 15 years with the same person.

Yeah.

Wild.

Wow.

Oh God, nearly there.

Kat said, I remember it because they fill out all the forms

on everybody's behalf.

So I've got to remember their number.

I think I've done so much admin with Aaron.

I know his like passport number,

his date of birth,

his number, his everything.

And you used to know Shaday's passport number,

but then you had to get a new one and it's just,

I'm not remembering it.

Because when you travel, it was like,

don't go and get up and get your bag out.

Just LT three, five, whatever it is, you know.

You all don't read it out.

Still my identity.

Don't read it out.

Someone will steal your identity.

I mean, you're welcome to it.

It's a wildlife being me.

It's a wild ride full of highs and lows.

Yeah.

That is what I said a little while.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

Floom on ZM, Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

It's six named past seven.

First name, Log.

Log.

Log, Floom.

I was like, what are you?

I was like,

What's the name?

Floom.

First name, Log.

Log.

I'm Log, Floom.

Ah, God, this coffee's perked me up.

Yeah, it's good from you.

Here she is.

Thank you.

Now there is a new very bizarre Gen Z trend.

God, they love a trend, Gen Z.

And this time they are basing where they go on holiday.

Yeah.

Must be nice.

Gen Z, you've been young and going on holiday.

Oh, I did that a little bit, actually.

I didn't know how money worked.

Yeah, right.

Spent it.

Yeah.

They're basing where they go on holiday.

I'm not sure that's exactly how money works.

You get it in your spender.

Spender.

Yoss.

Stop the stupid savings account in this retirement plan.

Am I right?

Where they're basing where they go on holiday on astrology.

The art of which is called astrocartography.

A branch of astrology that matches one's astro...

Don't roll your eyes just yet.

One's astrological birth chart to a world map

to see the geographic regions with which it aligns.

It's at 84.5 million views on TikTok.

More than GirlMath.

Yeah.

Okay, fair call.

So where would you, based on your star sign

and my star sign, go on holiday?

Let me just show you the map.

So that's how it's done.

Oh, God.

Like it's very complicated.

But thankfully, one TikToker has broken it down.

Who we got?

What star signs are you rocking?

Prices.

Pisces.

Pisces.

Piscus.

Casp.

Which one am I on the cusp of?

Aquarius and Pisces.

Let's just go Pisces for ease of the chart.

Well, I know I want to go which one's better.

That's a good thing.

But I'm the casp.

You pick which one's better.

Eames on February 18.

Pisces starts February 19.

You're the 20th.

You're not cusp.

You're deep Pisces.

No, sometimes it's like 19, 20.

No.

Pisces seek spiritual and artistic inspiration.

Visit places like Bali.

You are a Bali basic.

Or the Greek islands for creative and introspective journeys.

I mean, those are two great destinations.

Those are just great destinations.

Yeah, who wouldn't want to go to Bali or the great home.

OK, we've got a cancer.

Test me, cancer.

Cancerians seek comfort and emotional connection.

I'm calling BS on that.

Yeah.

Physical connection.

Opt for family-oriented trips to places like Hawaii

or the English countryside.

Oh, darling.

I've been to Hawaii.

I am Jesui Un Libra.

Librains value aesthetics and balance.

Choose romantic getaways to places like Gay Parry or Venice.

Been to both those places.

Love them.

Where are we in the booth?

You're Gen Z Chinon.

Would you follow this?

Yeah, go on.

Do you have you based anything on star signs

or any major decisions or any decisions?

I don't do Scorpio men anymore.

I did like three of them in a row.

Wait, so have you met the hottest guy in the world ever?

And he said, I'm a Scorpio.

You'd be like, ladies.

I mean, I would already look it up before I met him.

I'd do a Facebook stalk and then no.

And then be like, no, it's not for me.

Have we just entered Scorpio territory?

Yeah, I've had so many ex-boyfriends

and birthdays.

Birthdays.

Really?

Yeah, it's not for me.

Jason Momora is a Leo.

Leo and Librains?

Does that work?

Yes.

Yeah, he's a big Leo energy.

Yeah, he has.

He's big lion.

It's all a load of rubbish.

Now, what starts under you, Shannon?

I'm a Gemini just before Fletch.

Janeme, Gemini, Social and Curious.

I agree with those.

Gemini enjoys city hopping and meeting new people.

Destinations like Madrid or New York

of a cultural diversity and excitement.

Because I'm a cast Gemini Cancer.

That's me too.

Oh my God, maybe I should listen to this.

Maybe you should come over to the Gemini side a bit more often.

You may be.

Are you flirting?

Kawin, what are you?

I'm a Cancer as well.

Okay, so you're going Hawaii with family oriented stuff

in the English countryside.

No, she's like, no.

And finally, producer Jared.

Sagittarius.

It's probably going to say Africa.

Because he's from Africa.

Sagittarians, Craved Venture and Exploration.

Go for a safari in Africa.

Yay!

Oh my God, guys.

Fletch knows.

Oh my God, am I in sync with the...

I think like Cancer's Rising or something.

Oh my God.

Oh my God, I can't wait to go on these holidays.

I love that.

Oh, I can't believe people are actually booking holidays based on that.

85.5 million people are being like,

each sun sign has distinct characteristics

that align themselves with the destination.

What?

Yeah.

Oh, wait, hang on.

Let me just see where Jason's going.

French Riviera.

Well, that's all Las Vegas for parties in entertainment.

Loves the spotlight.

He'd go parties.

He'd go parties.

He'd go French Riviera on a jet ski or something.

Where am I going? Paris or Venice?

Yeah.

By the French Riviera.

Yeah, or France.

We're both in France.

Meant to be...

You're really clinging onto the Jason and Marla thing.

That's what I am putting together.

For a start, I want to say this is the first time

I have ever heard the term micro-apartment.

Oh God, that feels awful.

Have you heard the term micro-apartment?

Tiny little...

Like a studio apartment.

Smaller.

Apparently does not meet the criteria in Australia

of what is described as a studio apartment.

I saw a guy on Instagram who goes around Japan

visiting the smallest apartments he can find.

And the way that they cleverly hide everything

and have a little one guest burner.

Tiny homes.

Yeah.

You wish they were.

Smaller.

There was one the other day and he could lean his torso like that

and touch each side of the walls.

It's not for me.

So there's a micro...

Building of micro-apartments where there are about $370

Australian dollars a week for a micro-apartment.

Yeah.

One room.

One one room.

We'll just imagine an apartment

and then imagine what constitutes making it.

Really small.

Micro.

Micro.

Well, a person who was looking for accommodation in Australia

noticed that it says each apartment is for single occupancy

only due to council and fire restrictions.

Guests are permitted to visit

but are not allowed to stay overnight.

That's how small these are.

They are not legally allowed to.

Due to fire and council restrictions

have more than one person living in them.

Yeah, wow.

It's not so.

So the landlord's effectively saying no sleepovers.

No sex attacks.

Well, daytime.

And standing.

No way.

Yeah.

By the sounds of it.

Standing.

Otherwise your feet only.

Your feet are going to be touching one wall

and your head's going to be banging against the other.

Yeah.

You could have all thrown out.

That's how wide it is.

So guests are allowed but they just can't allow to stay the night.

Oh.

Oh, lying.

Yeah.

Somebody said is this landlord constituted smash and dash.

Now I've never heard smash and dash.

I've heard tap and gap.

Tap and gap, smash and dash.

Yeah.

Passion dash, I've heard.

Smash and dash.

Yeah, this is classy Australian stuff.

You get smashed.

Ah.

Written too.

So this is just the occupancy rules.

The dwellings.

This thing feels like it's just going to

instantaneously combust too.

Fire restrictions say not more than one person's

allowed in this room overnight.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So.

What if you've got a boyfriend?

What you just never allowed to stay?

You're going to have to find a new place to live.

This is a single.

This is a apartment for singles.

Because would you even fit a double bed in?

Let it load up.

It does.

I mean, a bare single.

You might be able to fit it in the room.

Yeah.

How would you get it in there?

In the room would it even be the bed?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's sad.

Sad that they even let that allow to be built.

That's just high density though.

They're just saying that that's what they do.

That's just somebody.

And if they're charging, what did they say?

$370 Australian dollars a week.

Get out.

Yeah.

Get out.

Yeah.

That's like what?

That's Auckland rent.

For a micro apartment.

For a room, you know, in a cheap-ish flat.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

And what age did you guys move into a double bed?

From single.

Because I was just second year uni, so 19.

So first year uni, you were in a single.

Come on.

I bought it because there was no student accommodation.

So I bought it and I was in this tiny room

and it only fit a single in it.

I'll tell you.

Baitborne Smith needs more than a second.

Broke it though.

Yeah.

Broke the bed.

Yeah.

It was weird when I would go to people's like residence

for a little hanky-panky and you'd be like,

oh, I'm in a single bed.

How embarrassing.

Yeah.

Embarrassing for both of us, mate.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was just.

And then be like, the IRA's coming.

Oh no, sure.

Oh yeah, those single beds and student halls.

At least this was my bed.

I feel like you just, and when you go into halls of residence

and you're just in the single bed that's been there

for 10 years, that bed's seen some things.

And especially, you know, I don't want to get a UTI.

So I'm popping to the toilet afterwards

and that's a shared place.

That's a communal toilet.

I'm tottering down the hallway.

Oh my God.

What's just happened?

Oh yeah.

25 minutes away from 8.

Next on the show, a uniform has been banned.

Oh no.

What?

Hopefully it's the sexy maid.

Though I am considering it for Halloween.

Watch out, boys.

I know we're spending Halloween together.

Might get a little bit too long.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Feeling out there.

Carnip University Students Union have like forced a ban

on a particular uniform.

And you will know this uniform.

It's a uniform that all men have.

And I suspect in one way or another,

both of you have worn this uniform.

I doubt it.

It is the uniform of a pair of Tanchinos.

My eye in the past I've had Tanchinos, yes.

Yes.

Thank you for being honest.

I feel like David Baker.

Be honest.

Be honest.

Be honest.

I have a past.

I don't know if I have.

A Tanchino.

I've got linen.

The ones I wore to the wedding that you're thinking of

were linen.

Okay.

But were they tan?

I feel like you have in the past worn.

Your bono cream is the same as tan.

No, it's not.

It's complete.

When it comes to a pant, 100% and a blue shirt.

We know this uniform, right?

A dress shoe, a Tanchino and a blue shirt.

There was that big Australian race day in Sydney a few weeks ago.

The spring races, the dress code, they banned men in,

they called it the uniform, the coordination of Tanchinos

and blue jacket, because the people that wear that,

and there was like thousands of them, were causing harm.

Look at this photo of producer Jared.

He's in that exact thing next to the midi in this photo.

I know.

That's his phone screen.

A little troublemaker.

He's a little troublemaker.

Why do you look so good on that?

Do you know what guys, they look good in a perichinos

and a blue shirt, they scrub up well, don't they?

I know.

But it's the go-to, isn't it?

It's the go-to and honestly, it's like a lot of douchebags

are wearing this uniform.

It's become synonymous with the D bag.

With the D bag?

Yeah.

Exactly.

So that's why they're going like, don't wear this.

They're putting a ban on us.

And quite often you'll have some RMS, some nice RMS with them.

A brown shoe.

Are you wearing, Jared, are you wearing a brown shoe

in that photo?

He's got a brown belt on.

Yes.

Yeah.

My voice ruined the uniform.

There you go.

It's a classic.

It is a classic.

And it's a nice look, but you're right.

Like you see some men wearing it, like, Jared,

you are not a D bag and you are not, you are, you do not,

you know, behave in this way.

Thank you.

But you know, you got cup and show week coming up.

This is the classic we've been many years.

And this is, I might have even worn some chinos once

with the brown shoes.

Yeah.

And then later in the day, the shoes, like,

you're losing something.

Drinking out of it.

Yeah.

It's a classic at the races.

Oh, sure it is.

Sure we do a shoey.

No.

Even the summer wedding as well.

Yep.

That was a summer wedding.

Summer wedding is great because you're a chino slightly lighter

than a black pant or a jean.

But this whole student association

is what's saying on campus at like bars and events.

If you're part of that unit, you can't wear it at events and stuff.

Oh, no.

For them in particular, it was the short sleeve blue shirt,

but any blue shirt.

I mean, now you've shortened your sleeves by rolling them up there,

which is also part of the uniform, isn't it?

Yeah.

If it's long sleeve, they're going to be rolled, baby.

Yeah.

OK.

Anyway, so basically they're saying,

if you're in this outfit, it's a real red flag.

Yep.

And I can sort of see that you're going to drink too many brusquets.

You're going to have a drink from your shoe,

and then you're going to probably piss yourself in your chinos.

And because the caramel, your camel color,

they're going to see it.

I'm going to see the wheeze.

You're going to see the wheeze, don't you?

They don't hide a dribble.

I'll tell you that.

You've got to wipe.

You've got to wipe when you're in your chinos.

You can be in your mouth.

Bloody sink splashed all up me.

Oh, yeah.

OK, dribbles.

Powerful faucet, that one.

OK, dribbles.

I want to know if there is like a particular item of clothing

that for you is a big red flag,

that you see them in something and you're like,

douche.

Now from our live show,

one of our audience members shared a story

about sleeping with someone,

and she knew they were troubled

because they were wearing a swinglet.

And we were like, what's the swinglet?

That's right.

It's a tank singlet with hoodie on it.

And we were like, yes.

That was brilliant.

It shouldn't have been called a hoodlet.

It shouldn't be called a swinglet.

I wanted to know where the W came from and swinglet.

Singlet.

Well, the hood's like swinging, I guess.

I'm going to swing it around here.

It's funny to me, though.

But that was a red flag for her.

Maybe it's a windage.

Or a windage.

Because she slept with him.

Troke.

I mean, the red flag was that he was in a gang.

But anyway, that's a whole different story.

No, but maybe it's like, you know,

like a pointed croc shoe.

And you're like, oh, dear.

Oh, my God.

Pointy shoes.

Like that triangle out.

You town shoes, bro.

Oh, pointy.

Many pointy shoes, yeah.

What are gullies?

Are there any red flags in clothing that spring to mind?

Oh, my gosh.

Those jeans that guys wear that have like ribbing in them.

What do they want ribbing?

I don't know what ribbing it is.

Yeah, on the knees.

And they're really tight, except for the ribbing.

Or like this.

Light wash.

Jeans that South American or Europeans

seem to love with lots of pockets and zips.

And there are zippy people in the European.

Yeah, acid wash.

Acid wash with zips chains.

No, no, no, not that acid wash.

Like real bleachy stain.

I know what you're talking about.

Oh, I like the knees as, dude.

We're trying to make our own versions of those

who bought some in their early 2000s, Hamilton days.

We bought real cheap jeans from Save Mart

and took them home and like bleached them.

Try to get their like bleached jeans.

Oh, my God.

I still look terrible.

But I paid $5 for jeans.

So I was wearing them.

And then you wrote G-Star Raw on them.

Yes.

Yeah.

No, I wrote Juicy Katura across the ass.

Across the ass, yeah.

With a fluff-it pen and then fluffed it up with a hairdryer.

We simply must, at this point of the conversation,

open up the phone lines because.

We simply must.

I'll 800 Dahls at M.

Oh, yeah, yeah, come on.

Coming in hot.

No.

Yes.

Give me more.

Give me more.

Text us 96696.

Give us a call.

I'll 800 Dahls at M.

Is there a piece of clothing that for you is a red flag?

Do we want to know if there's an item of clothing,

a fashion item that is a real red flag for you?

The classic uniform of chinos and blue shirt

has been banned by a student's association.

What I love is our friends, our mutual friends,

Kacia and Jake.

Kacia's sitting in a picture of Jake

who went to our live show in the uniform of camel chinos

and a blue shirt.

But it works.

I think you need to worry about that.

It works on every single man.

And yet you can see he's about to have too many drinks.

Somebody said this.

You've just described the exact uniform of my ex-boyfriend.

Brown chinos, light blue dress shirt,

drinks too much, gets out of hand and then pisses his own pants.

You piss his own pants and a little bit sunburned.

Pisses his own pants.

You see them at 10 p.m. with a big rosy face.

Are we saying, though, that guys can't wear this combo

because it works and it's still cool?

Or it's...

Look, it's just if you're wearing this combo,

you've got to behave yourself.

You've got to buck the trend.

You've got to, okay.

Katie, what is the fashion item, the item of clothing

that for you is a red flag?

It's not exactly clothing.

It indicates what the clothing

that person would be wearing would be.

It's a Velcro wallet.

So convenient, though.

So convenient.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We did have a couple of messages in about chains on wallets.

A chain on a Velcro wallet.

Yeah.

I thought chains were coming back, aren't they?

No.

Okay, so you don't think you can clarify, Katie?

No, it's a big no-go for me, Katie.

Katie has banned them.

Fashion's my passion, but I get it wrong sometimes.

I feel like nobody's doing the Velcro wallet anymore, are they?

You're right.

The sound is a real, I'm going to say it, boner killer.

Katie, quick question while we've got you men in turtlenecks.

Yes or no?

Oh, no.

No, every now and then, it's going to be a fine knit.

A fine knit turtleneck.

No!

Actually, it's classy.

It can be classy.

It can be fancy.

It's the Jake Gyllenhaal turtleneck.

That's okay.

Yeah, exactly.

He's telling me Jake Gyllenhaal's in a turtleneck.

The man's making the turtleneck.

He just elbowed it in a turtleneck.

He rocks a turtleneck often.

He does a turtleneck well.

Friend of the show, Matt has messaged an RM Williams belt buckle.

That's a red flag for him.

Oh, like the big cowboy buckles.

Yeah, the big buckles.

Oh, look at this cowboy western out here with her RM Williams buckle.

Yeah, Georgia.

Oh, that's just about, that's just about, that doesn't have the big buckle.

You don't have the big buckle.

Like that, those round ones.

Okay, let's go to Holly.

Holly, what's the red flag fashion item for you?

Oh, hi guys.

So I was casually seeing this fella and we went out to drop some meat off to some friends

and he was wearing this hat and it was a wolf.

Was like the legs were like the dangly bit on the side.

Oh, yes, I've seen that.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't you ever have like this one?

A wolf.

Like it's an animal with the legs as like the tassels.

How long were the tassels?

Are we talking official spirit hood?

Because I've got one of those.

But I'm a big proper bear.

Yeah.

I've got a big bear.

I've got a big bear spirit hood.

Like these, like these.

Like an animal beanie.

Yeah, that's a nice guy.

I've got some comical gaff.

Mine is...

Holly, embarrassing.

I'm a creature of the wild.

Right.

Okay, so that's a big red flag.

Any kind of um, any kind of um, beanie that's comical or...

Yeah, comical beanie.

We're getting comical hats.

Somebody just messaged in bucket hats.

Ooh, yuck.

God, they were, but they went major last year.

Yeah.

We've moved away from them.

Says the guy whose head is too big for any bucket hat.

We're talking about your fashion red flags.

Yeah, like the uniform.

The men's uniform of Chino, Camel Chino's blue shirt.

Why are you reading something that you wear, Vaughn?

A denim jacket with the sheepskin around the neck.

Oh, Aaron's got one of those.

Those are the best.

And it's just never cold enough in Auckland to warrant one.

Yeah.

You always wear it and you're like,

man, I'm hot.

And then you take it off and you're like, too cold.

Sherpa, that's the style.

Sherpa, that rules.

Yeah.

Okay, so those are great.

Oh, Dan.

The same person that said denim jacket with the sheepskin around the neck

said silk boxes.

Yeah.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Yeah.

Oh my God, silk boxes.

Yes, that's a huge red flag.

Did they even still sell silk boxes?

Yes, I went to go find my father some underwear.

Long story.

He didn't shoot himself, but he was close.

He wanted to be prepared.

Anyway, I went and I was looking in the undies for the men

and I was like, silk boxes.

We're still here.

Yeah, my dad still sleeps in them.

You go to like Suburban Slices and you go to him sharing

and he'll walk out in a t-shirt that is literally 23 years old.

Yeah.

And silk boxes and you just like, there they are.

They're still made.

Still here.

And here, all right.

Great to see the Ford Motor Company is supporting.

Has he got Ford silk boxes?

He's got Ford silk boxes.

Oh my God.

He's got the fancy.

Let's go to Reid.

Reid, what is your fashion red flag?

So there was one tender date I actually went on.

I turned up to the skills house to pick her up

and she walked outside in three-quarter pants.

Are we talking like a tight Capri or a loose fitting cargo?

A loose fitting cargo.

Are we talking, so we're talking mid-shin, right?

Not just an ankle?

Definitely mid-shin.

I looked at them and that was an instant, no, no, no.

You were a no-no.

I got to agree.

Mid-shin, like an ankle graze is fine, 7 eighths.

Right.

But three quarters, no, that's rough.

Three quarters, mid-shin, just giving away those, you know,

mid-2000s vibes, no, thank you.

Yeah, but this is all coming back in the fashion though.

No, we've got to stop it in its tracks.

We've got to stop it.

Reid, thanks, you call some messages in.

Somebody said any men's jeans that have big white writing on them,

I'm talking lower.

I'm talking high lab.

That's a red flag for me.

DC skate shoes.

Someone said, here's my list of ballet flats, blue hair.

If you're wearing horse riding gear in public, I've got more.

Jogpiz.

Jogpiz in public, yeah.

How does one politely tell their partner to change their style?

That's a question for another day.

We can do it.

No, you just do it slowly but surely.

You just used up.

I have transformed a man.

Changing them.

When men wear anything slightly bedazzled, that's a big no-no for me.

Got quiet.

Mike Hoske might be listening.

But he loves a bedazzle.

Loves a bedazzle.

When people were doing those, what was that brand?

Ed Hardy.

Ed Hardy.

Christian Hardy.

What was the pre-cursor, Ed Hardy?

Christian something.

I don't know.

Yes.

The Tatooie.

Yeah.

That one.

Yeah.

They had a lot of bedazzling.

Paul Frank.

I love this text.

I can't handle if a man de-robes in the wrong order

and has a moment of t-shirt and no undies.

Just yuck with your willy hanging down.

Oh, yeah.

Winning the poo.

Ick, ick.

You got to win the poo at it.

It's silly.

You look so silly.

Well, you don't want to see it.

You don't want to see it.

No, but I want to see you in your boxes with your shirt off first.

Then I want to see you willy.

Not just willy like flacidly hanging below the headline.

Yeah.

Oh, it is cringe.

White jeans.

Someone said toe rings.

If a girl takes off her shoes and she's got toe rings on,

she's crazy.

Yeah, run for the hills.

Tight-fitting black strapped necklaces.

Tight-fitting.

Oh, like a choke hat.

Oh, like a thick choke hat.

Oh, like a thick choke hat is hot.

Those ooh, yuck, those slip-on sketchy shoes for men.

Yeah, yuck, slip-on.

Very comfortable, though.

And good for the foot.

Checkered shorts.

Won't even have it in a board short at the beach.

Woman in the pub with little leather backpacks.

I've got a little leather backpacks.

Don't wear your little leather backpacks unless you're my mum.

Unless you're my mum.

Got a netball.

What's in there, you guys?

On that, somebody has a thing with the guys wearing the bum bags across there.

Cross body.

Cross body.

Someone wants to know what those young men have in there.

Drugs and vapes, I'm sorry.

Drugs and vapes.

Drugs and vapes, yeah.

Singlets with really big arm holes that the gym bros wear.

So at least one nipple showing at all times.

Yeah, that's you do your really low hanging loose singlet.

Just the top of an ab.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, thank God we're getting a couple of texts in

for the humble fedora.

Not to be confused with the wide brim hat.

Wide brim hat, hot, fedora, not.

DC skate shoes, my experience.

Every guy that has worn them that's over 30 has been in trouble with the law.

Any skate shoes, cargo shorts below the knee,

bedazzled, here's another bedazzle,

bedazzle home detention bracelet.

I mean, that's very specific.

Yeah.

A guy in a pastel Ralph Lauren Polo giving big mummies boy energy there.

Ralph Lauren Polos.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, we've moved on.

Bucket hats is getting another mention.

Three quarter pants, Oakley sunglasses,

the type that were popular in the late 90s or 2000s.

So wraparounds.

Yeah, doing some speed dealers there.

They're good.

Aaron's going to appear he wears for when he's working outside on a slant.

Yeah.

You like him.

It's just funny.

Tassels on a leather jacket.

Oh yeah, we're not tassels on a leather jacket, are we?

Singlets with jeans and jandals.

If a girl is wearing any kind of horse jewelry,

like a bridal bracelet or a stirrup necklace,

she's a mad woman.

Stay away from her.

Boys that wear balaclavas.

Well, they're criminals.

They're criminals or people in very cold conditions.

More, aren't they?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are guys that wear the day of the week underwear

and have them on the incorrect day.

Yes.

So that's a double.

Stop that.

That's a double.

First day of your fall.

Play ZM's Flex for the Nailie.

Play ZM.

I'm yet to get my hands on a copy of this book,

but today is the day I'm going to go and find it.

Because Brittany's book, The Woman and Me,

long anticipated has been delayed.

It's out.

Thank you.

Oh, baby.

She sounds like a sort of moaning child.

Anyway, I love Brittany.

I have been waiting for this because she's been shrouded

in this conservatorship for 13 years.

She couldn't say anything, blah, blah, blah.

And then it all went over.

And then she was going to tell all book.

And she's explaining everything, like,

why she shamed her here.

Yes.

Yes.

Speaking of here, I said to my hairdresser and friend

Shari, I was like, oh, my God, I'm worried that people

are going to take advantage of her with this book.

She's not going to get her word out.

They're going to manipulate her.

It's just going to be some, you know, factory thing.

Shari messaged me yesterday.

She was like, it's incredible.

People are calling it like an angry cautionary tale.

Pop's darkest tale, gloriously unfiltered and unfocused.

And I've been reading little excerpts of it, and it is.

Like, she has a strong, angry voice.

It is amazing.

Now, there are some revelations I'll give because

they're everywhere on the internet.

But I think people should read it.

I think this could be the biggest moment

in literature of the year.

Do you think it'll be the biggest book of the year?

It's already the best.

I think she said, Brittany, on her Instagram,

it was the number one celebrity memoir already,

and it was day one.

Wow, OK.

Because people were curious about her.

Some of the revelations, like one of them,

we knew about the abortion that she had with Justin Timberlake.

One of them was that her father didn't let her go to the hospital

because she took the pill.

She didn't get it.

It was early, so she could take one of those pills

where you're allowed to get it early,

basically, and have it in an easier way.

But she was in so much pain,

but her father didn't let her go to the hospital,

so she had to just curl up on the floor and go through it.

Oh, my God.

No painkillers.

So the only thing Justin did was get next to her

and start strumming a guitar and singing.

Oh.

Nobody asked for that.

Nobody asked for that.

Hopefully didn't sing to her crying me a river

because that's about her, but anyway.

So that was horrible.

A lot of things about her father,

she met this guy that she was dated for a while,

and he was really into fitness,

and he started giving her these energy tablets

because she was running low on energy

during her vagus residency over the counter energy,

like caffeine pills.

Oh, OK.

Her father found out she was on them

and then forced her to go to rehab.

What?

So when she went to rehab during her vagus residency,

it wasn't for any drugs.

It was for no-dos.

It was for no-dos, yes.

No-dos.

So she went to rehab twice.

The second time she went back is because her father

went through a person found caffeine pills

and was like, you're addicted.

Send her back.

It's no sale over at whatsoever.

I mean, we know he's a piece of work.

Absolutely.

I mean, she goes into the childhood side of things

and it's terrible.

She said she was sick of getting portrayed

as an eternal virgin.

So when Justin Timberlake came out

and said that she'd cheated on him,

she was glad.

She was upset about the breakup.

Do you have a say?

She said she couldn't talk for two months.

But she was glad that that image.

She was like, I don't care if people thought that I cheated.

At least it got rid of this virginal thing.

And she was like, by the way, I lost my virginity

when I was 14 to my older brother's best friend.

So she was just like, whatever.

It wasn't that she was like a,

she was just a normal teenage girl, right?

Yeah.

She just said that and she was tired of that.

That's why she ended up shaving her head

and doing all these like provocative things

because she was like, F you, I'm not this thing.

Shake the image.

Yeah.

Shake the image.

She said she was really hurt

when Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera

did the Rolling Stone cover together

because Christina Aguilera was her biggest rival.

And she also had quite a lot to say about Justin.

And one of them, I think we've got audio.

It's quite funny.

This is the audio book.

Yeah.

Is read by Five Time Academy Award nominee, Michelle Williams.

Yes, so good.

Brokeback Manor, she was married to Heath Ledgen.

Yeah.

Yes.

Fantastic.

Oh, she's a great actress.

She reads the audio book.

This is an excerpt.

We are about to join Michelle as Brittany

when they're talking about how they were walking

around New York City and Justin Timberlake

was really trying to relate to fellow Black artists.

Right.

Maybe a little bit too hard.

Walking our way was a guy with a huge blinged out medallion.

He was flanked by two giant security guards.

Jay got all excited and said so loud,

oh yeah, foshies, foshies, genuine.

What's up, homie?

To genuine.

Foshies, foshies, what up, homie?

Genuine.

Oh my god.

Her voice is amazing.

Yeah.

Because you know I'm all about the audio books lately.

Yeah.

Just that's all I do now, the audio books.

Yeah.

So I think that that'll be me.

I'm so fascinated.

One of the things I love.

This would be a book I'd want to be into.

Apparently it's just so straight up.

You know, like it's not the super poetic book.

It's literally just like, here's what happened.

Here's how that made me feel.

Yeah.

Somebody has just messaged a very good point.

When you said Justin sat down beside her and strummed the guitar

when she was going through this awful experience,

she said immediately it gave me Ken from the Barbie movie.

Oh my god, yes.

I want to push you around.

Oh my god, she also talks about two more things.

OK.

Colin Farrell.

She had a two-week affair with him straight after.

Who wouldn't?

Colin Farrell's hot, man.

He is hot.

And she called it a brawl because she said we were literally.

She says, what did she say?

We were all, brawl is the only word for it.

We were all over each other grappling so passionately.

It was like we were in a street fight.

Yeah.

It's the Irish.

It's the Irish.

Have you seen the text?

Oh my god.

Good for you, Brittany.

The second thing.

Personality.

It's not Northern Ireland.

It's the Republic of Ireland.

Did we talk about her audition for the notebook?

The notebook, which the video's online.

And I was like, oh, hon, it's such a bloody good audition.

She's like dropping in and apparently she was really

into method acting.

She said when she did Crossroads,

which is a very poppy film, she's like,

I think I was method acting without knowing it.

I didn't know how to break out of character.

I really became the other person.

Some people do it consciously,

but I didn't have any separation at all.

I ended up walking differently

and all the co-stars must have thought I was so weird.

So she took their acting really seriously.

It's a shame that she didn't get to do more of it.

Well, it's out now and yet a wild ride.

She's on a redemption arc.

Do you know what?

She's on a redemption arc.

She just needs all this positivity to come her way.

She needs a beautiful Christmas and then we need music.

I'm demanding it.

We need music.

I want a few more knife dances.

She said that all of us, all that conservatorship,

sucked the entertainment out of her.

Let's put it back.

Because she has said that she doesn't want to do music.

I know, but we want it.

Now, we've all got like a group chat, right?

Like, no, I'm not saying like, we've got a group chat.

We do have a group chat, but everybody's got our group chat.

We're at some stage of the day, the whatever you're on,

the TikToks or the Reels pop off.

It's where everybody gets into the zone,

whether you just hit a rich vein of like great content.

Yeah.

And you're just like, share, share, share, share.

Hit in the group.

You're like, ha, ha, ha.

Check this out, boys.

I think I share memes most with you two.

Yeah.

They would be, you would be my most meme sharing.

Can you also pull back on the, like,

the televangelical Christian stuff?

Because my four year page is starting to get a little overtaken with like,

it's just so funny.

Wild religious sermons.

It was the one he sent you the other day about, um,

he was healing something.

It was his kid.

Oh yeah, it was terrible.

This guy went on stage at a church, his son had just been diagnosed with autism.

So of course it's the devil's fault.

Oh, I know.

And then she's like, get the old devil and the autism out of you.

And this guy's like rolling around.

He's like flopping like a fish in a frying pan.

Like that, like that.

It's so good.

Yeah, but it ruins our algorithm.

It ruins the algorithm.

I know, I know.

So I've got like a lads chat with some, um,

some of my oldest friends and there'll be a time where we're all like,

wow, we're not in that chat.

But you guys are my newest friends, but I love you just as much.

You would hate this chat.

We talk a lot of nerdy stuff.

Okay.

I don't want to be in that chat.

I'm happy to not be.

Yes.

Weird sports stuff.

So in gaming.

And there's a time where everybody seems to,

I imagine that everybody's in bed.

Okay.

And it's because that's when I do my best.

Reels.

Fine.

And I'll scroll through and I'm like,

ah, good stuff.

Copy, paste, check this out boys.

Send.

And often I'll just be laughing and Shade's like,

what are you doing?

And I'm like, check this out.

And then she'll just see that this conversation is nothing but links to funny videos or like

weird videos or someone doing, uh, have you seen that one where those Russians try to jump

the car from one building to another and it just crashes down?

And then they like, good stuff.

You're like, ah, no one was in that car.

And then you hear him, this guy going, are you all right?

Wow.

That's been sent a lot.

And I'm always laughing and I'm like, check this out.

And so I think Shade, I got jealous because look,

this is out in the real chat now.

She's sharing reels.

Oh, yeah, she is.

Yeah.

Lots of parenting things.

Yep.

Like putting your kids to bed at night.

This is what it's like having siblings because our daughters will literally do this

with pouring glasses of milk.

They'll like get down on an aisle level and make sure they're even.

Did you guys even measure a chocolate bar with your sibling to make sure you got the exact-

Yeah, you just spag a little more than me.

Yeah.

Not fair.

Then she sent me this one of a rugby player who had broke his leg.

He was having a toot on the bank and stuff.

Oh my gosh.

Which was good.

But she's started sending me heaps of reels.

And I think it's because she's jealous of the LLLs I'm getting from the boys chat.

Yeah.

I think she's jealous.

Aren't you right next to her in bed?

Yeah.

Yeah, I know, but it's not the same.

But she also gets annoyed when I'm like, watch this one.

And I'll just reach my phone across into her face.

So I'm like, ah, you're not looking.

You're not looking.

Same, Aaron.

Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.

So I send it to her so she can watch it on her own time.

Right.

Okay.

She sent me one this morning, which is when you call your spouse by their real name,

because that's the thing.

We never use each other's real names unless it's like urgent or we're angry with each other.

You didn't do that.

This is classic Shakira at 46, J-Lo at 54 doing a dance,

me at 39, Benny down, sore back.

I mean, I had a sore back yesterday.

Man, it's good stuff.

That's good stuff.

But I think she's jealous.

Right.

I think she's jealous of the boys chat because the boys chat pops off.

And all the reels are like, no one sends a bad reel because if you send a bad reel,

you get roasted.

If you send a reel, someone's already sent.

Oh, you haven't been paying attention.

You got, I already sent that.

Yeah.

And it is a great feeling when someone sends one.

You're like, yeah, I saw that the other day,

but you didn't share it with the group, did you?

You're going to have for that good.

I share it with the group.

Do you think she's getting as many laughs as the lads chat?

I think it annoys her that I am not laughing as much.

Yeah, so she's got trying hard.

Because I know she sends real old ones and I'm just like thumbs up.

Well, you don't thumbs up, that's mean.

She's just trying, guys.

She's trying.

She's just learning.

I sent her one last.

She's just learning.

I've been sending it to you as well.

Look, our chat, if I'm just looking at Vaughn,

because for some reason I can't do a group one on Instagram, eh?

Yeah.

I can't figure it out how to send it to you both whenever I choose one.

It says send separately.

Mom, you just go like compose new and you go create new groups.

See, oh, you can select the two people you want to create a chat with.

No, but when you see a reel and you share it from the reel,

it's harder, but ours is literally just reels.

Yeah.

One of the last ones being butter chicken dumplings,

and I sent that to you both.

Yeah, let's go.

Good for me.

I've just created a group.

Now I'm going to have to find the perfect reel to start our group.

I can't grab it.

I love this one.

Fight humour.

Go hard or go home.

And then it's homeless kids with erectile dysfunction,

and some have been like, oh, no.

Homeless kids with erectile dysfunction.

Because they can't go hard or go home.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's good stuff.

Okay.

Play ZDM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah.

Today's Fact of the Day is about the thong.

Yeah.

Thong.

Please have Cisco's thong song in the background.

Absolutely, Vaughn.

Give me one.

That would be lovely.

Thank you very much.

God, he's good.

He just loves to surf.

He'll just about and get the thong.

Search.

Thong.

Oh my God.

This is the thong for thong, thong, thong.

God, I love a bit of violin in my thong songs.

Thong comes from words meaning restraint.

Oh.

According to the Oxford English dictionary,

probably why Australia is called jandals thongs.

Yeah.

Because we're straining the dials.

It was originally a narrow strip of leather used to secure something down.

Like the testicles.

In the case of a...

Secure it down.

You're going to keep it down.

You've got a full underwear.

Not much restraint is required.

So there you go.

I actually googled why it's called a G string.

Because I didn't even think about it.

Thong, just like, of course, that's what it is called.

But why do we call it the G string?

Because of the guitars.

Yeah.

Because the thickest string.

The thickest string on a violin or a guitar is the G string.

I had no idea.

The bottom one, they go boom.

That's G.

Is it?

So yeah, apparently it's the thickest string is somewhat resemblant to...

Huh.

The thickest string up your crank.

I mean, there's two facts where you're already.

Holy shabollies.

Is there another one?

And Cisco.

You betcha.

How are the facts of the day today?

1959, the mayor of New York City, Furello La Guardia,

that the airport is named after,

Oh yeah, is about to host the World Fair.

Okay.

Bold of America during a World War to host a World Fair.

Crazy, actually.

Yeah.

But like, that's probably not going to bother us too much.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, there is a crosshair on Pearl Harbor in a couple of years.

But they host the World Fair in New York.

Now, he said, the naked dancers are too naked.

Oh.

We don't want their fannies being shown to the world.

Except the fanny in New York is the bottom, isn't it?

I thought you meant, yes.

That too though, both the front and the back fanny.

Yes.

So...

You can't have those out of the World Fair.

You can't have those out during a time of a World Fair.

So he said, nude dancing is out, right?

No one's allowed to get fully naked.

And they said, well, what is the closest thing to naked?

Yeah.

But still clothed.

It's the thong.

Hit it, Cisco.

And that's so scandalous.

So then...

So a tiny bit of material to cover it up.

Was a loophole there.

The tiny bit of material was the loophole.

And so only exotic dancers wore it.

Right.

During the World Fair.

And then kept doing it from there on afterwards.

But the thong, the G-string, was only really used by exotic dancers.

Oh, for entertainment.

Yeah.

In 1974, it made its official debut in the form of a thong swimsuit.

Right.

So like the ones that you see now at the beach,

I don't see them because I'm not looking.

Of course you don't, you've got eyes for your wife.

Yeah, you kind of have blinkers on at the beach.

Yeah.

I'm there for water and sand.

And recreation.

I'm not there to see 98% of someone's bottom.

It is funny when you see thong togs at the beach

and you're like, that's your whole anus, man.

That's your whole butt.

One rogue wave, see you later pants.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See you later pants.

So, and so they started out as a swimsuit.

And then that combined with the remnants of the 1939 World Fair,

you can't show the front or the back.

Yeah.

Carried over and they became popular.

And the 1990s was when they became very, very popular.

And the whales tail.

Because of the VPL, because VPL went out the window,

we don't want to see the visible panty line.

Marketed widely as a practical undergum

to pair with slim fit jeans to avoid visible panty line.

Yeah.

Victoria's Secret held its first public runway show in 1995,

led by models Stephanie Seymour and Rebecca Hormin

igniting a consumer thong frenzy.

Yeah.

Thong frenzy.

They were big in the 90s.

And 2002, 120 million pairs of thongs

were sold in the US alone.

That is a 200% increase in domestic units sold from 1998.

And what year did the thong song come out?

Nineteen nine.

Well, no, it was generally a question.

I wasn't going to hit you with it.

Oh, right.

With an actual answer.

It doesn't have a big 99 energy to it.

Yeah, it does.

1999 years from the album Unleashed the Dragon.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So when they reached extreme popularity,

they were accompanied by the song by Cisco.

And now we're on the nanopanties, aren't we?

Well, I like nanopanties during the day,

but I like a thong at the gym because of the tights.

Yeah.

Do you want to work as well?

That was the original purpose of them as well

for the general public consumption.

Are you going to do nanopanties?

Because that's my passion in life.

Well, tomorrow is the last day of lingerie.

I never considered granny panties to be in the lingerie

family of underpants.

You should do a granny...

I've got lacy granny panties sometimes for my more formal occasion.

Okay, well, it's the last fact tomorrow for lingerie week.

Yeah, maybe it can be.

I'll see what...

Because I still had that fact about the underpants with no crotch.

Oh, yeah, that's quite an interesting one.

That is quite interesting.

Well, I'll join us tomorrow to see what happens.

Maybe a myriad of facts tomorrow.

Just a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Well, I'm a shotgun fax about lingerie.

Well, today's fact of the day is in 1939,

ahead of the New York-based World Fair,

the mayor said,

I'm sorry, you can't be nude dancing on stage anymore.

And that's when ladies started wearing the thong.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Hey, yeah.

Not always perfect when you're moving in with a partner, is it?

Sometimes you get a compromise on thing.

Who's got the better cat?

Who's got the better bed?

Aaron had a Japanese futon, so I won.

So hard.

Yeah, they're hard.

So hard.

Good for a bad back.

Not good for a shh.

Hagger romp romp.

Let me tell you that.

It was bruised elbows and all sorts.

Yeah.

Hit bones.

And I was skinny back then as well.

It was bony.

Yeah, yeah.

So we got on the squishy second hand Salvation Army mattress

and stood for a few years, poor boy.

Anyway, there was a woman who, she bought a dog.

Her partner had a cat.

Yup.

They moved in together.

The dog was a pup.

Everything was fine, right?

They were kind of getting to know each other,

the cat and the dog getting on well enough.

Now, as the dog started to get a bit bigger,

the dog started attacking the cat, chasing after it,

torturing it, ruining its life.

Now, the boy, he said,

I love this cat so much, the dog's got to go.

And the girl's like, don't be stupid.

I just bought this dog.

It's a gorgeous dog.

And he said, well, I'll leave then.

Unless the dog goes, me or the dog.

The ultimate ultimatum.

In my head, I'm saying he's all.

Yeah, the early stage of relationship

of someone's pulling ultimatums,

it's not a great sign for future things.

Yeah, totally.

But to be fair, she'd only just got the dog,

so the dog could go.

I wonder this though, if I was ever to,

if I, yeah, the dog is new.

If I was ever to get into a new relationship

and I had Rolly and they were like allergic,

I would not get rid of my cat.

You'd just be like, see you later then.

Imagine if I fell in love with someone.

It wouldn't have to take his domains for that long.

That cat's on its last legs, isn't it?

He's eight years old.

You, oh my God, I hate you.

I love so much older.

Can you touch wood, please?

Don't curse my cat.

Is that wood?

That's four mica.

Wow.

I don't need wood.

I don't need six wise wood.

We actually just got the,

we got Toby our vet recently

that is extremely healthy.

Thank you.

You didn't get a lecture about him being fat.

Oh, he was a fat.

He's fat, but he's healthy.

Healthy fat.

Yeah, healthy fat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Felfy.

Felfy.

But no, I wouldn't,

I wouldn't give up my care for anyone.

I'd be the same.

I'd be the same.

If someone was like,

I'm allergic to Major Murray Fluffington

and be like, see you later.

Oh, okay.

Well, you're welcome to sneeze at my house.

Yeah, have you ever seen anybody long enough

that it even got to that point of conversation?

No, no, no.

They weren't even long enough

for this fur to get in the nose.

Yeah, barely in an hour, mate.

Barely in an hour, yeah.

But I want to know,

like if you were ever given an ultimatum

like this before, because I...

A relationship ultimatum.

What about like,

like quit smoking or quit something

or else it's over?

That would happen a bit, right?

Yeah, definitely.

Like I'm sick of you vaping or smoking

or eating this or being this way.

It's the sickies or me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Or maybe it's like,

you've got one of those boyfriends

that's really into like tinkering

on their motorcycle.

And the motorcycle is really dangerous

and you're like, what?

I'm not going to invest in a relationship with you

if you're just going to come off your bike

and be a bloody...

Oh, I reckon that would be...

I think that is especially...

The minute you have kids,

if somebody's like,

that motorbike's going to be...

Just put in the garage for 18 years

until the kids are done.

I reckon that would be...

I actually don't think that that's an unreasonable ass.

I reckon that would not be uncommon.

A motorcycle will automate them?

Yeah.

Or maybe you've just got a hobby

that takes you away all the time.

Or maybe you had a job.

Like I was listening to a podcast

about somebody who goes off on boats

for like six months at a time.

And as you say, you're like,

you're a mum at home.

You'll be like, get a new job, hon.

Yeah, but they make a lot of money on those boats.

I know they do.

So then you're just like, well, weigh that up.

All right.

Well, we'd love to take your calls.

I'll 800-diles at M.

Text through 9696.

We've already got one in about someone

with a dog as well.

Because their dog had a dribbling problem.

It's gross when they dribble too much.

It's gross and miserable.

Yeah.

Give us a call.

I'll 800-diles at M. Or text 9696.

Did you, were you given a relationship automater?

We're talking about the relationship

automations that you've been faced with.

Maybe you were given one.

And what did you choose?

We want to know.

This is off the back of a choice

between a dog or relationship.

Yeah.

The boy had a cat.

The girl had a dog.

The boy said, get rid of the dog or I'll leave.

Me and my cat.

My partner's mum got an ultimatum.

Her dog slept in the bed and her husband had enough

because they smelt.

And the dog here got all through the bed.

So he said, it's me or the dogs.

He meant in the bed at night.

She took it as the whole relationship.

So she took her dogs and left.

Dogs don't belong in a bed.

A bed.

No, not in a bed.

Well, just do separate beds.

Like loads of couples do that.

You never have separate beds and just

never ever have sex again.

Yeah.

Why not?

Why not?

My fiancee at the time gave me the ultimatum

either him or the dog because the dog had the dribbling problem.

Oh, yes, yes.

I touched on this before.

I loved him and I didn't care about his dribbling.

Loved him, the dog.

Not the fiancee.

I looked at the dog and I said, oh, well,

I guess we're going to have to get rid of him.

My fiancee did not find this funny and actually left me.

And now my dog and I are living our best single life.

Yes.

Keep your teams coming in 9, 6, 9, 6,

your relationship ultimatums.

You can call as well.

I'll 800 dials at him.

We'll get to more of those next.

Someone said, didn't Avril Lavigne write a song about this?

He had a cat.

She had a dog.

Can I make it any more obvious?

That was a lyric.

Yeah, that's right.

That's how it is.

We're talking about ultimatums.

Put forth to you, Walsson, a relationship.

And here's some text messages.

And I complained daily about my job.

Who gets so frustrated and tell me daily just to quit.

He got to his wits end and he said, look,

it's me or the job.

I left him and he ended up sticking it out

and getting a promotion.

What?

Wow, OK.

I didn't see that coming.

I didn't see that coming either.

Yeah.

I thought you were going to quit the job

and it was the enlightenment that you had required.

That's also just the job of the partner

is to listen to the constant whingeing about their job,

right?

Yeah.

I mean, that'd be annoying after a while.

But you have to help them facilitate it.

Leave it at the job.

It's not that simple.

They're not whingeing about you, right?

You, they're just whingeing.

Then you whinge back.

Amy, what was the ultimatum?

So my husband told me that I needed to either have another baby,

which would have been number five for our family.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, you had one.

Why, no, God.

Or run the horse by half marathon.

So I'm a short-term pain kind of girl.

So I'm like, I'm running.

Did you run it?

Did you do it?

Did you do the half?

I did do the half.

Yep.

Hell yeah.

It doesn't mean allowed to lay those ultimatums on women in 2023.

Oh, they are.

Yeah.

But it was worth two hours and four minutes of pain

instead of nine months of pregnancy

and 18 years of whingeing extra kids.

Yeah.

Thank God.

I'd run three back-to-back marathons untrained

and I have a child.

When you go from two kids to three kids,

you almost got to get a new car.

And then when you go from four to five,

that's, what are you driving now?

A key of sports car?

Oh, we already have a seven seat Tiguan all-space.

Oh my goodness.

It must be nice.

Yeah, all right.

Yeah, four kids.

So yeah, definitely not keen on five kids.

Oh my gosh.

No, thank you.

No.

Nice.

Why did he put that ultimatum forward?

He just loves kids and he, to be fair,

dads don't do most of the parenting

so I can see why they treat it proper this way.

Well, he felt like it would be nice and easy.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Incredible.

I mean.

He still bested me now, but you know, no more marathons,

no more kids.

You should snip his heel on a marathon.

Yeah, what's what's going on?

This guy's pants.

Some more messages in.

About your ultimatums put forward.

Ours is Crocs.

My husband knows that if he bought them,

we would be signing divorce papers

that I don't care how comfortable they are,

how practical they are, how many doctors we have them.

Hey.

I still want to be physically attracted to you.

Come in from a guy who was a Crocs hater for many years.

Yeah.

Even took big Crocs money.

Remember, we got flow.

I took big Crocs money.

I got flow, we got flow into Rotorua

and I was still bashing the Crocs.

Then I go, pair of Crocs.

Tell you what.

They're a great short term footwear.

Yeah.

Not you and me.

Chuck them on, go out to the garage.

Chuck them on, go out to the washing line.

Chuck them on out to the thing.

I wore them in public the other day.

Oh, you've got no shame.

But I've lost my Pikachu and Jibbit.

Oh, no.

Well, they don't look as cool.

I had a Pikachu and Jibbit.

Now, have you got the Commodore ZDM?

Yeah, I've got a spare hole.

I've got a spare hole for ZDM one.

Get a ZDM one.

I've got because I have unbalanced at the moment.

I don't know what happened to the Pikachu one.

Well, you get a couple of the ZDM Jibbits.

Yeah.

Yeah, I would put a couple of them in there.

What do we do with ZDM Jibbits?

Just melt them down and get some crocs.

Oh, maybe just leave them to the people who want them then.

Don't waste them.

No, I'm trying to prevent people.

I know we should be promoting this or something.

Could you just push them in a whole of Euro

wanting your shoes?

Yeah.

Do that.

And put in my Doc Martens or something.

Yes, yeah.

My wife said, my now wife said she would not move in with me

unless I had a king-size bed in a new leather lounge suite.

New lounge suite.

It was all worth it.

We've been married for 18 years now.

To my own thing, no.

King-Bed, yes.

Yeah, he's a whipped day.

Yeah.

Let us know if your wife lets you text the show again.

It'd be great.

Yeah.

Banned now.

My dad told my mum if she gave up smoking,

you'd build her a new house.

Well, that's a good ultimate.

I've hit myself.

I thought you'd broken your neck because I couldn't hear it,

but I heard the noise.

I couldn't see you, but I heard the noise.

And it sounded like a break.

Oh, I've broken my neck.

She got the new house.

That would have sneaky cigarettes all the time.

Yeah.

How do you care you need it, too?

Dad was happy, though,

because she wasn't smoking around him

and made a real effort to not smell a smoke.

Coming, old bugger.

Coming, old bugger.

I told my boyfriend at 14 he had to quit smoking.

14.

You know, it was a hard day out there on the playground.

Bloody hell.

You know, Steve's doing a stint in duty for being a ram raid.

You've just got to smoke these ciggies.

I never wanted to date a smoker.

We broke up over it.

Now here we are at 34, back together eight years later,

and he still smokes a pack a day.

He won.

Vintage.

He won.

Are you happy with losing your husband?

All I'm saying, all I'm saying is you're lost.

Yeah, you lost.

Are you happy with that?

Because you lost.

Oh, another one in the bag.

It's a Versace bag as well.

If you enjoyed that, give us a rating and a review

and be sure to tell your mates.

You don't sound sincere there, boy.

I'm just reading what's written here.

ZM's Fletch Von and Haley.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.