ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 21st September 2023

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The Fletch Vaughn and Hayley big pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with my Maccas rewards.

Good morning, welcome to the show. Fletch Vaughn and Hayley today. We're spread around the country.

We are spread wide.

Vaughn joins us from our Wellington studios.

Yes, a thoroughly good morning to you both and to everybody listening and that's all.

That's all, that's all, that's all I had.

In the capital, today you're going to a big ceremony.

Yeah, my auntie is getting a Queen's service medal, so I am going to Government House.

I don't have my auntie, either of my aunties are getting a Queen's service medal if I'd be there.

I wish them well.

Yeah, that probably speaks more to the fact they don't want to invite you than you would have go.

I mean, Auntie Helen would, I imagine she'd invite Scott, your brother before she invited you.

Yeah, same with Auntie Barb's.

Oh, he scrubs, he scrubs up very well, he would be his best Brisbane Broncos jersey.

He would, he would.

Or maybe his Pantera hoodie that he saves for special occasions.

He probably would, yeah, right stuff.

Right, coming up on the show, today we'll have more chances for you to win cash with our Cash Catch Up 8 o'clock.

And we have two captain's packs.

And only two.

Only two left from Flight Center, so if you want to win one of those and some Flight Center gift cards,

make sure you're listing around 8.30 this morning.

You said it was $1,500.

Yes, we're giving away like $10,000 of the Flight Center gift cards all up.

The top six is soon.

Yeah, GQ, the gentleman's quarterly, interviewed some actual pilots, some experts when it comes to flying planes

and said, could the average male actually land a plane like so many of them believe they could?

Yeah.

And they said, absolutely not.

They would.

They would have, I believe the words that you used were best case scenario would be a controlled crash.

That feels more accurate.

Yeah, yeah, it does, yeah.

Slide it in on the belly sort of thing, maybe a clipper wing, spin around.

You want to get a bit of whiplash, but hopefully people won't die.

Yeah, light bit of fire, maybe we lose the back section, not sure.

But today's top six is the top six, parts of landing a plane that would probably be the hardest.

OK, all right, that's soon in the top six.

We've also got another round of Haley and News.

Now, look, we've been ignoring this one because it seems silly for a while, didn't it?

And then we kind of touched on it right, but like in a very mocking manner.

Well, there's huge updates on the Mexican aliens that the Mexican government put on display and said,

hey, here's proof of life outside of Earth, an update on that.

Yeah, next on the show, though, something that is going to make online shopping very hard.

No, I love online shopping. I know you do. I'm doing it right now.

Well, H&M, the clothing empire, Tunglomerate,

has joined a growing list of retail stores that have begun charging customers

to return their online purchases. Get a grip.

So the retailer started testing for charging for returned items in September of last year

in the US, and now it's hit the UK.

And apparently Zara is doing this.

Is it Uniqlo? Yeah, they've got some good stuff.

Uniqlo. Uniqlo. Do we have that here?

Are you talking about Uniqlo and Pharmacy? No, Uniqlo.

Uniqlo. QLO.

I know the store, like it's red logo.

Red square. I don't think we've got it here.

Is it a clothing store? Yeah, it's a brand.

I think it's very UK. Yeah, yeah.

It's a Japanese casual wear designer manufacturer and retailer.

It is. And when you go to Aussie, you see it everywhere in Aussie as well.

So customers in the UK are now required to pay £1.99, so $4 return fee for each returned parcel.

Oh, get it. Is that to cover the post, do you think?

Yeah, and what they're saying, yeah, because the whole reason they're doing this

is because it's just reducing emissions and their costs.

Reducing emissions.

That's nothing to do with reducing emissions. Zero to do with that.

Most companies, like a lot of the places I'll shop, they'll send a returns bag in your package.

But you don't pay for that, right? No.

The returns bag. No, no, it's already prepaid postage.

But that always blows my mind that you've been able to return clothes for free.

Yeah, yeah. I don't return.

This is a thing that they're going to miss because people will go, okay, well they won't.

Because a lot of people will go, okay, I'm between sizes.

I want to buy a 12 and a 14, say.

And then I'll see which one fits the best and I'll return the other one.

And then sometimes they just won't bloody return it.

And now they're missing an opportunity because people just won't do that anymore.

But they're not missing an opportunity because they've made their money twice from you.

Remember, I did this recently. I saw a dress and it was a black dress with a cinched waist.

What? You bought a black dress?

This may shock you.

This is very uncharacteristic of you, Spray.

I bought a black dress with like literally a roost waist and it went out like this.

When I saw a similar dress but slightly better by another brand,

so I was like, I'm going to go buy that one.

I thought you were going to say a similar dress that you already own

because you've got about 20 of them in your wardrobe.

I'm going to return the first black dress with the roost waist

for this new black dress with the roost waist.

And then time went by and I've kept both.

Right, okay.

And we got to the point where one day I was wearing the first one

and I said, I've got to quickly get changed.

And I put the second one on Aaron and was like, what just happened?

Is this a slightly different version?

But do you know what I mean?

Like the whole returns process, I was like, I can't be bothered.

Well, yeah, that's why, yeah.

And then I've got my money and with the dress I don't need.

Yeah, like if I find something in a store that I like and I get it online,

I know it's the size I want.

I don't want to be messing around with returns because it's so annoying.

Returns and it's in your car for bloody three weeks and then you've missed the...

Because do New Zealand retailers do a charge now?

Because it's coming.

You know it's going to happen.

Really?

Yeah, apparently it's all the rage now.

Yeah.

Would you pass on these dresses that you can't be bothered to return in

because you live sort of a high-end luxury life?

Frivolous.

Just frivolous spending.

Would you pass it on to other people who like black dresses?

No.

Would you just...

It's mine.

It's my collection.

Sort of a hoarder of sorts.

No, not a hoarder.

Have you not...

Have you not seen the new wardrobe that's being renovated into a house?

It's literally the size of like a small studio apartment in the city.

Yeah, it is.

They're all going to hang there in one big black block.

Yes.

And I will admire them.

I loved it.

And I could wear them.

I loved it and I thought to myself,

that wardrobe space could definitely use a few anene bings,

which are sort of distressed-looking $400 hooded sweatshirts

that AS Color does for about $25 or $5 for $100.

Take this away from me.

If you get the $5 for $100.

I don't own an anene bing.

I just...

You don't own in a single anene bing.

I own a couple of anene bings.

Oh, okay.

Now we're down to it.

I knew it.

There you go.

Hi, ZDM's Fletch Vaughn and Haley.

Haley in news, babies.

So I'm sure you would have seen this,

that there were two supposed extraterrestrial aliens

that the Mexican government had been holding onto

and were now putting on display.

Which looked like a stereotypical movie alien.

But petite.

The size of a five-year-old, I reckon.

Okay.

But very skinny.

But yeah, like alien face.

I know what you're going to say.

I've seen it.

They were cakes.

No.

Okay.

So listen, they had them on display

and they were like, here's proof of extraterrestrial life.

These were discovered in Peru

and they were between 700 and 1,800 years old.

Big gap there.

Big gap.

700 and 1,800, not the same.

And anyway, it was like, who found these

an alien enthusiast?

So you're like, okay, all ready.

Of course they did, yeah.

Then there was a pastry chef who shared on social media

and it went viral, a video, and it's cutting,

the chef cut through it and is like, surprise, it's cake.

That was actually very well done.

It was very well done.

And then it went viral and was like,

they were cake the whole time?

Yeah.

Not true.

This was just a guy who remade these cakes

and like to look exactly like them.

Because we don't know what aliens are made of.

Maybe they are made of cakes.

Oh my God.

Imagine that would be so bad for this planet

if aliens visited and they were cakes.

They wouldn't know.

We're exploring and we arrive on their planet

just as we've like exhausted our food

and everything on the spaceship.

And we get there and then one of them's like,

meet Glebe Glop.

He is recently amputated and you're like,

oh no, Glebe Glop.

And then you look and his cross section is just cake

and you go, and then we eat Glebe Glop's people.

Yum.

Okay, yum.

So that wasn't true either.

So we go back to the Mexican government who has,

the whole thing is that someone,

the person who was presenting these

is an alien enthusiast, right?

Which is the problem.

Which is the problem.

And so everyone was like,

prove that they're real, scan them.

And so they did a live stream of them

like scanning these bodies.

Who's they?

The government?

The government or the representative

of the extraterrestrial arm of the government.

And then they released these scans

of the alien skeletons.

And I tell you what, so apparently the aliens.

Here we go.

Yeah.

It's all one skeleton.

He's not in bits like we're in bits.

It's all connected.

And...

That doesn't work.

He would walk like this.

Like, I don't think that works.

Well, the thing, he's also full of eggs.

Full of what?

Eggs.

Eggs.

He's full of eggs.

This absolutely best scan that they uploaded.

Wait, is he from Mexico?

Is he a pinata?

He does look like a pinata.

He looks like a pinata.

It could be a pinata.

Is it an exoskeleton?

You know, like a crab?

Is it an exoskeleton?

No, it just looks like a human skeleton

with, like, weird ribs.

And then there's these two things in his chest.

And then three egg-like things

towards what would be a uterus area.

Right.

Where did they say they got these from?

Were they in some tomb?

Yeah, they've been.

They've been...

In a tomb.

...held in a tomb for years.

Right.

Well, there's a lot of pyramids and such in here.

Yeah.

There's always been, you know, like,

how did they have the technology to do this,

that and the other, where did chocolate come from?

That's right.

There are a lot of unanswered questions in the area.

They found an escalator from, like...

Yeah, that's right.

...four thousand BC.

Electric escalator.

Which is weird that they had an escalator.

Now, this, the person...

Oh, no, I've never heard of this escalator.

Yeah, in the pyramid.

You remember that?

Yeah, I remember that.

And there was a Westfield sign.

Yeah.

They had, like, a cotton-on.

Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah, they had a cotton-on.

That makes a lot of sense.

Which was four thousand BC.

And everyone was like,

what the hell?

The cotton-on was, like, only within the last 20 years.

Yeah.

Not true.

And there was a...

There was an alien spaceship part

in the access parking

without displaying their sticker.

Yeah.

The alien sticker.

They got towed.

They called them over the pyramid

Westfield's PA system.

Yeah.

Well, look, a lot of people are dubious

about these aliens.

I'm dubious.

But the alien expert has sworn under oath

that these are extraterrestrial beings.

Oh, of course he has.

Of course he has.

So we can only believe them.

Right.

And definitely not cakes.

Do you know what's not on TV?

Maybe on, like, those...

Isn't it weird how the History Channel

is 90% not history?

It's just all, like, aliens

and speculation and stuff.

Yeah.

Do you remember in, like,

the late 90s, early 2000s,

there was a heap of TV shows

where they would just get these people

to sit around and sort of hypothesize

what aliens might be like?

I don't.

I can't say.

They used to be like,

I can't say.

I would flick that high up on Sky.

They'll be small and they'll be skinny

because they've become so intelligent

to be able to travel

that they don't need large frames

so they've evolved to be small.

Well, that's what these aliens look like.

And that just sit around

and speculate on all this nonsense.

It was great watching.

Play it.

Siddhems, Fletch, Vodna and Ailey.

Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is the top six.

Hello, yes.

Now, men are often,

and for a very long time,

historically have overrated

their abilities to do a lot of things.

Yeah.

I mean, including Please Woman.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We try our best.

Like, did you?

No, Honeye didn't.

But thank you for trying.

Thank you for trying.

Thank you for asking.

That's just the answer

to the question,

did you remember to get

the chicken out of the freezer

when you got home from work?

No, Honeye didn't.

No.

Well, thank you for trying.

I didn't even try.

I'm a terrible, terrible person.

Well, landing a plane

is no exception.

A man tweeted in 2022,

saying, I think all men

sincerely believe they could

safely land a commercial

airliner in an emergency situation,

with only air traffic control

to walk them through it.

55,000 likes on Twitter,

and then it evolved

and migrated to TikTok,

where people were like,

do you believe you could land

a passenger plane in an emergency?

And lots of men said, absolutely.

A study in America said

one in three Americans believe

they could safely land

a passenger airplane,

and that included women.

And then when they narrowed it

down to just men,

it was over 50% of men

believe they'd be able

to land an airplane.

I mean, wow.

Because we spoke about this

when that was going everywhere.

And then an air flight simulation

place was like, come on, then,

Fletcher-Bornlow.

I know.

And I'm keen.

Yeah, because we're keen

to pop up to Silverdale below.

We'll have to pack a bag

and some Scroggon,

because you are halfway to

Whangarei by the time

you get to Silverdale from Auckland.

But also, we've done it.

Vaughn and I have done it before.

And it is.

Yeah.

Like, even with someone there

who's a pilot saying

press that, pull that, push that.

Yeah.

It's very hard.

Overwhelming.

They didn't let us video it,

but you also can fly

under the Harbour Bridge.

Oh, naughty.

Yeah.

That was another place.

If you've never done

a full-sized flight simulator,

oh, my God.

That's so much fun.

So much fun.

They'll be a great Christmas gift.

Hmm.

Hey.

It would be great.

All right.

For the plane lover near you.

Well, I've got the top six

parts of landing a plane

that would probably be the hardest.

A pilot's come out and said,

Yeah.

You can't do this.

Yeah.

Like, commercial pilot.

I know you want to think you can.

Yeah.

Big article in GQ Magazine.

Yeah.

You would have a controlled crash

at best.

I'll be happy with that.

I mean, you'd at least got more

chance there as opposed

to just plummeting into the ocean.

Yes.

He says that.

Last spring,

a man with no prior flying

experience called Darren

safely landed a plane

with guidance from air traffic

control and what is known

as a talk-down landing.

But that was a small,

light aircraft.

Not a Boeing.

Not a, not a,

it's triple seven.

Triple seven.

Or a dreamliner.

Yeah.

Why has he driven a car

he can drive a truck though?

You know.

Exactly.

Same thing.

I reckon it's not.

I reckon it's not.

I reckon it's not.

Top six hardest parts

of landing a plane.

Number six on the list.

Every other dude on the plane

over your shoulder telling you

what you're doing wrong.

Yes.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

Bro.

Bro.

Put the gear down now.

I reckon put the wheels down now,

bro.

One less thing to worry about later,

man.

Yeah.

It'll be all big.

Flick that switch, bro.

What does it do?

Don't know, man.

Give it a go.

Give it a go, bro.

Number five on the list

of the top six parts of landing

a plane.

They'll be the hardest.

Not panicking when the wheels

squeaked when they hit the

ground.

Oh, yeah.

Take off again.

Number four on the list

of the top six hardest parts

of landing a plane.

Remembering to turn the

microphone off so the whole

plane doesn't hear you being

very scared and crying

when it's not all going to

plane.

I want to do it.

I'll change my mind.

Can someone else do it, please?

I can't.

I can't.

I can't.

I don't want to do it anymore.

You've got to have a positive

attitude when landing a plane.

In a way of confidence.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nails do not lack.

Come on.

Number three on the list of

the top six parts of landing

a plane.

That would be the hardest.

Getting a handful of lollies

for landing and still having

a spare hand for landing the

plane.

Well, you don't want to miss

out.

Yeah.

Just because you're on landing

a plane.

Why should you miss out?

You're the hero of the plane.

You should probably get more.

Do they still get like a

coffee or tea or biscuit or

cassava chips option?

I've heard that when the

pilots do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's a good feel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, you know,

how do you get that

cover in there?

Number two on the list of the

top six hardest parts of

landing a plane.

Remember to go wheeze before

the seat belt light comes on.

Nothing harder than

concentrating on something

when you really need to go

wheeze.

But you know what,

you're in charge of the seat

belt light, so do what you

want.

Oh my God.

You do you harm.

You just turn it off and then

go wheeze and then turn it

back on.

And then come back and sit

back on the pilot seat and

yeah.

Well, the plane is plummeting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, the thing that's

happening is when all the

machinery and navigation and

everything doesn't work

because one person didn't

put their phone on flight

mode.

Oh, it's Fletch.

You know what's going to

happen?

Don't know you're allowed

on flight mode now.

I've seen him.

Not on

landing, sir.

And we're in the middle of

an emergency landing.

I do not do that.

I phone on flight mode every

time.

Thank you.

Bullshit.

Please check if you

have a seat belt light.

I've seen born on

Instagram on landing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Me too.

Yeah.

Best time to be on the

gram.

It's when you get all the

likes.

That is the base top six.

Play ZM's Fletch Vaughn

and Hayley.

Play ZM.

I'm trying to think about

the last time.

I once got a manicure in

my togs.

Yeah.

And I think I'd been at

the beach with friends and

I was in togs and I had a

towel wrapped around my waist

and we went and got a

manicure.

We went to

the island or

overseas.

No.

Oh, you good question.

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Here.

Here.

No.

In Thailand.

Once the manicure placed

directly over the road from

the beach.

No.

Oh, that's a bit weird.

I know.

That's really weird.

Oh, no.

So news.com.au.

That's an

Australian's

version of I feel like

Australian stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They do a thing

called the great Aussie

debate and they ask

people questions about

manicure.

And one of them was how far

is it okay to wear

togs from the beach?

Which is just like the ad

we were talking about.

Togs.

Togs.

Togs.

Togs.

I rewatched it.

It said 300 meters or

within line of sight of

beach.

Water.

So I think that's

what we all agreed upon,

right?

Yeah.

So here's

what it came down to.

Okay.

The harshest critics

said that

so as 24% of people

stated you can only

be in your togs

if your toes are touching

the sand.

Okay.

How are you going to get

to the sand though?

I'm not walking down

in pants and getting

changed down there.

You are.

You have to.

No thank you man.

Yes you have to

according to 24%.

That's a quarter of people.

You've got to be

at the beach.

Okay.

30% then said it's

not offensive to

cross the road

by an ice cream

or a cold drink

from the dairy.

Like go to the dairy

or the store over the road

absolutely.

Yes but then

back to the beach.

Yeah.

After you've got your ice cream

otherwise you've

crossed a bit of a social line.

But also they're

talking about

not only bikinis

but budgie smugglers.

Budgie smugglers.

Yeah so going like

not even like

if you were wearing a

rashie and some

boardies.

Yeah.

Different.

Yeah.

They're talking about

bikinis and

budgie smugglers.

Your speedos.

Do you speedo

when you swim?

In the pool

but not at the beach.

No way at the beach.

Because you swim

for fitness.

At the beach.

At the beach when

nudity is accepted.

At the beach I've

just got like

swimming normal

swimming shorts.

I can't imagine you

on a speedo.

How does he pack it

in there?

I think he rolls it up.

It's big

but it's very spongy

from what I've seen.

You're malleable.

The reviews

indicate it's been

thoroughly

it's been thoroughly

fresh.

I'm it down.

It's been

trashed at the point

it can be rolled up

and stored.

You'll never see

there.

I was thinking

you can do some lanes

together but just

don't look.

You've got to do that.

I'll get an iPhone.

I'll get some long

ones.

Like bike shorts.

You've already got

a long one.

We've established that.

What do you mean

they get a long one?

The pants.

Carry on.

What we're going down

is defamation.

Oh boo-hoo

the room

has got a massive one.

We would be

in a court of law

and that's a

Mr. Fletcher's

prosecution please

present your case.

The

defendant

allegedly said

that my client

has a massive

spongy wang.

And

I would say

defamation.

I would say

order in my court.

Order in my court room.

Case dispelled.

Case dispelled.

Okay.

19% of people

in the survey

of how appropriate

is it to

wear a bikini

outside the beach

said it's okay

to go for a stroll

in your bikini

or your budgie smugglies

but the

furthest you can

wander is one block.

Okay.

So that kind of

goes

with the

undies

dogs there.

300

meters.

And then

27% of

Aussies

argued that

people can

wear their

dogs

anywhere they like.

Even into

like a mall

into a

Westfields.

I mean

technically

that's what you did

when you

went and got a

pedicure.

I did.

A mania

pedi.

I think it was

at a Westfield.

I'm not trash.

Yeah.

Believe me.

So there you go.

Summer's on its way.

We're going to be getting

the keenies out soon.

Yeah.

And just taking into account

what feels appropriate

to you.

May not be.

May not be appropriate

to everyone else.

Yesterday

I

went into

my

barbers.

The barbers I always

go to.

It's a bit of a walk-in

situation.

You can book

it.

Sometimes you just walk in

and sometimes

you can walk in

and if there's a line

you jump on your phone

and while you're

waiting in line

you can book

and you'll

skip the queue.

It's a really

It's an interesting

situation.

That sounds like a mess.

When you do the walk-in

now there's a guy

there with a

beard.

Now when you've

got a beard

you want

a guy with a

beard to do

your beard

because he's a

beard brother.

He's a bearded

brother.

My God.

When I

do the bake

off with

Pac

Society

a Middle

Eastern man

he goes

to a Middle

Eastern man.

It's like art.

It is.

They love

a clean line

but also

they know

exactly what you're after.

You describe it.

They can do

a rough line.

They can do

a

clean line.

Is this the barb

that gave you a bit

of Craig

David one day?

No,

We're too low on the cheek, we're too low on the cheek

and look like a Craig David Straphead.

Never been back, never been back.

That was a great day, though.

It was a good day for us.

It was a good day for us.

Craig David, oh yeah.

Shitty, it grew back.

It only took like a week before the Craig David lines

kind of like blurted into the regrowth,

but oh my gosh, it was just like,

you've got to be kidding me, I look like Craig David.

Which is fine if you're Craig David,

but not if you're Vaughn Smith.

And so yesterday, I'm waiting in queue

and the dude I want to do my bed is like wrapping up.

And I'm like, cool, I've timed it perfectly,

I'm going to get my bedded brother.

And then this guy comes back from a lunch break,

this young guy that I've seen there before,

primarily doing like kids' haircuts

and like very standard haircuts for men.

And he's new and then he's like,

oh hey mate, jump up.

And I'm like, oh no.

No, I don't want you.

I was only like a minute off.

So I get in a seat and he puts the cape around me

and he's like, just the bed today?

I said, what else is there to do?

Because they don't shave your head, you do that.

You can get it shaved, but I rocked in

with a fresh chrome done.

And so I was like, yeah, what else is there to do?

And then he's like, cool, cool.

And he pulled out the little buzzer

because he said, oh, what do you do?

I said, I fade it in from the bald head

and then keep a bit of length down here

and refresh the lines.

He's like, cool, cool.

So he pulls out the buzzer to start doing the fade

and he's got a shake in his hands.

So I'm going to die.

You're shaking, why is he shaking?

Because he's nervous.

I think I might be his first beard.

Oh mate.

Oh no.

You're not a guinea pig.

He's nervous.

And I'm like, oh no, this is going to go.

But I tell you what, I'll jump to the end of the story.

I'm going to Christopher Nolan this.

I'll jump to the end of the story

then jump back into the middle of the story.

Here I am alive.

I'm not.

And the beard doesn't look.

The beard, I'm pretty pleased

with how the beard came out.

You look good, you look good.

Is there a spinning top?

Because I still don't understand the spinning top

from that movie.

Yeah, what's the spinning top mean?

Christopher Nolan.

I'm Chris from Inception.

Yeah.

Yeah, well that said, when he started the beard trim,

he spun the top.

And then at the end, I forgot to say

if it was still spinning or if it had fallen over.

So maybe I'm living in a level of the simulation.

But then, so he's nervous and he's doing it.

And I'm like, he's doing okay.

He's going very slowly.

Which is fine.

I hate it when they go slow though.

Because then I'm like, you don't know what you're doing.

I'd rather he took his time and got it done.

So then it gets to the part where he freshens up

the lines and they do that with like a disposable

switch blade.

Like a old school Sweeney Todd Barber blade.

And he pulls that out and then I am,

and he's like, I'll just get you to lean your head back.

So I put my head back and he's like doing the thing

under my throat.

I'm like, this is it.

This is it.

I don't tell you what.

It wasn't.

And he did fine.

And at the end he's like, how does that look?

I was like, ah, good.

We're good.

And was he shaking when he was doing the switch blade?

I shut my eyes.

I just put my head back and I shut my eyes.

And I was like, if I die, this is how I die.

God, we're happy you're alive.

I'm, well, here I am.

I'm alive.

I didn't die.

I'm alive but I'm looking good.

Otherwise you might have to get on that.

You would have had to be on the radio show

after a few weeks off with one of those voice boxes.

Oh, yeah.

Latchbone and haley.

It would be like.

But would it take?

No, because I was thinking, you know, when it'd be,

you guys would say something and I'd be like, oh,

I've got a little joker chuck in there

if I had to type it out and I'd press enter,

but it would be, you know, gone.

I'd be too late.

That's when you have to move into scripted comedy.

Yeah, we'd probably be stuck with you, though,

because we'd have to, like.

Oh, you couldn't get rid of me.

Yeah, man, you're getting rid of the guy with no voice

just because he didn't have a voice anymore.

You'd be canceled.

You'd all be canceled.

I don't want that.

Play Zudem's Fletch, Vaughn and Haley.

Fletch, Vaughn and Haley.

It's 10.

I'm going to round up to 11 minutes past 7

because I'm very precise.

You are.

Yeah.

Bold of you to do a rounding up.

I won't talk until it's 11 past either.

So there's another 15 seconds, is all.

Why just because you called it too early?

Yeah, you rounded it up.

I rounded up.

I rounded up.

Everyone's shushed.

I rounded up.

20 seconds.

Shut your mouth.

Tag Hoyer doesn't round up, all right?

And that's the only.

Omega time papers don't round up.

It's 11 past 7.

Fantastic.

Fletch, Vaughn and Haley.

Now, I'm, listen.

You know I've been in a bit of a fashion rut.

I think the last couple of years, I'm,

I'm all over the show.

I'm lost.

Yeah.

And the other day, I was getting my hair done with my

beautiful friend and hairdresser, Shari.

And we were like, man, we've got to get back to ourselves.

Well, who are we?

You've got a great vintage shirt today.

Goosebumps.

It's Goosebumps.

RL Stein, Goosebumps.

RL Stein, Goosebumps.

Yeah.

I wouldn't say you're in a fashion rut.

I'm in a fashion, this is a fashion moment.

Yeah.

We should do that for Friday rankings.

Best RLs, I know because I'm thinking of Paul Jennings.

We could probably just do like best childhood authors.

Because Paul Jennings wrote a great book.

I like Uncanny.

What was the one?

Not JK Rowling.

Best Ashton, Best Ashton, Scholastic Book.

Who was Goolies?

Who was the Goolies one?

And she did the, not JK Rowling.

You know, you know.

Jacqueline Wilson.

Jacqueline Wilson.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you.

Okay.

Let's do this.

What did Jacqueline Wilson do?

What books did she do?

Just like Gools, Young Gools,

Twain Books.

Baby Sitters Club.

No, not Gools.

Okay, we'll do that.

Yeah, okay.

Final rankings.

Anyway, so I was there and then we were like,

you know what, the aesthetic is we're like,

we've got to get back to being hot.

And then we were like,

I think I've got the capacity to be hotter than a lot of people.

I mean, wow, that's a big cheese, right yourself.

It was like, I don't think I could be the hottest person.

But I think I could be a lot hotter than a lot of people.

But I've just been like, not really doing anything about it.

So you've been putting in the effort to be hot.

I've been putting it in the monkey to be hot.

Now going back to blonde was step one.

Yeah.

And then sorting out the wardrobe thing.

And she was like, I follow this chick because we were like,

why are we pretending like we're flowery girls?

We're middle girls.

And I was like, I want to be a middle girl with money.

Right.

This bougie metal aesthetic.

Right.

So then she told me this person that I should follow on Instagram,

called Sammy Jeffcote, who is a bougie goth.

And I was like, this is the aesthetic.

And one of the things she rocks and a lot of her looks

is a leather beret.

And it's got me thinking, maybe I need to get a leather beret.

What?

No, you look like you're in the leather armed forces of France.

Well, beautiful.

Yeah, she looks like a sexy, kinky French operative.

Beautiful Shannon at the social media desk

has photoshopped a photo of me where I was looking

at my best peak lesbian I called it.

Yeah.

Was that your peak lesbian face?

Yeah.

And she's photoshopped a leather beret on.

That's very good photoshopping.

She's actually done really well.

You know what that was?

I didn't know where that was photoshopped.

That's photoshopped.

I don't want a leather beret.

I don't want a leather beret.

Kind of.

It looks more like a chef's leather, chef's hat, doesn't it?

Well, you know, we'll work on the style of the beret.

Was that my kitchen?

That's my kitchen.

That's your kitchen.

That's before we went to the pie awards.

Amazing.

Love that.

I'm drinking your prosecco from your beautiful prosecco glasses.

Yeah.

Fantastic.

Now, I think this elevated metal goth, but she wears like Gucci.

Yeah.

This is where we're heading.

This is where I'm going to, this is where we're going.

Right.

So you want us to tell you if you look good in a leather beret.

I would like a poll to go up on Instagram.

Okay.

On the FEHZM page.

I believe it's up.

It's up.

It's up.

It's up.

Oh, she moves fast.

I don't have the company data anymore because apparently we're poor.

Yeah.

It was 50-50.

Please don't speak about the company like that.

I'm just saying that's inside a trading.

I think that's inside a trading technicality.

Yeah.

Someone who works at the company says the company's poor.

Oh, okay.

We're not poor.

We're not poor, but just give me 20 more gigs of data.

I'm going to say 50-50 at the moment.

Sproul.

Now, Zara, I see does a phone leather beret.

It's not.

It's just gone to yes, 45, maybe not on 55.

Shoot.

Come on, guys.

Get on there and vote because I think I want to buy this leather beret.

Now, before I commit to a leather beret, I could buy a faux leather beret from Zara,

45-90, to get the vibe going before I commit to leather.

To actual leather.

Because I don't pleather.

I'm sorry to the vegan listeners, but I don't pleather.

You don't pleather, yeah.

And it's not the elevated high-end goth aesthetic that I think I'm going to really

lean into over summer.

I don't know if this is you.

A little vintage, metal tee, little cutoff denim shorts with Doc Martens and a leather

beret.

I really think it's happening.

And then I've got my yellow, you know, lost baby's glasses.

She wore a faux leather beret.

Yes, just like the song.

Because she didn't want to dedicate a faux leather, faux leather beret.

So you can vote on our Instagram or follow this up.

And I think we'll follow this up tomorrow to see if you're a leather beret person.

And I tell you what, if the voting goes in favour of me becoming a leather beret woman,

I'll buy one.

Yeah, okay.

But if the people are honestly like, this is not you.

Then I won't go there.

You won't go there.

What will you go?

What will your new aesthetic be then?

Well, I'm thinking I'm going to go the same aesthetic, but I'm thinking a body harness.

What?

Okay.

I'm thinking a harness.

Just a black leather.

Because I recently learned that harnesses of different colours mean different things.

Oh, what does the black one mean?

Well, they do in the gay community.

What does the black one mean?

Bondage.

Why don't I?

Why don't I?

Oh, harness.

I think this is an obvious conversation.

Okay, we'll keep this for obvious.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

We are 94 days, 16 hours and 39 minutes and two seconds away from Christmas.

I'm so excited to get my Christmas tree.

I sent you a link to a lovely pink Christmas tree the other day.

No, I'm not going tacky.

I'm going to have a very elegant eclectic home.

I need to find some vintage baubles.

Vintage baubles.

You know, like little cool retro.

Retro.

I'm going to trade me retro baubles.

Well, with a lot of reports of Christmas pouring in.

Yes, you'll be familiar if you're a long-time listener of the show, especially to...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Wilson is a...

No, Wilson's a long-time listener, long-time contributor.

I don't think we're ringing the bell for that.

I take the bell ringing back.

You know, Wilson...

Well, Wilson used to live in Wellington and Wilson would report on Wellington's Christmas.

I believe Wilson's made the move to the Big Smoke and he is working at EB Games.

And he said it's even got into our nerddom.

Okay.

You can get...

The Lego Advent calendars are out.

Harry Potter and Star Wars Lego Advent calendars are out.

I've never had a Lego Advent calendar and I really, really want one.

Oh, that's great.

You slowly build like a Lego scene over it.

It's better than chocolate because most Advent calendar chocolate is...

Oh, shit.

If we were any more than just work acquaintances, we'd probably buy you a Lego Advent calendar.

I was just thinking we should get that for him.

But then I was like, but for a workmate?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I wouldn't expect that.

And then it would be uncomfortable.

I'd feel like I'd have to probably put some thought or effort into you guys.

Yeah, we don't do Christmas gifts.

And just work acquaintances.

And just work acquaintances.

Yeah, I do.

This is a professional relationship.

But just like work colleagues.

Yes.

Don't think.

That's probably appropriate.

Thank you for identifying exactly where our acquaintance ends.

Your acquaintance ship.

Craig and Turco got in touch.

Now, am I correct in saying we earlier in the week had a caller?

That was where the caller who was tased in front of his kid and shit his pants was from as well.

Yeah, I believe our caller of the week.

Our caller of the week.

Our caller of the week, yes.

Craig sent a photo in and it is someone in his neighborhood because this is taking out the window.

But oh, that window might be a conservatory.

This might be his neighbor's that he's spying on.

Already have a Christmas tree on their front porch.

Oh, no.

So that's not even sort of like a commercial entity at this stage.

Yeah.

A personal use of Christmas, which will spike Christmas penetration heavily.

Yeah.

Because most of the Christmas penetration we see at this time of the year and before now,

obviously, heavily in the commercial sector.

For example, Hannah sent in.

She got a sponsored post from typo that said August is over.

September doesn't count.

Then it's Halloween.

So basically it's already Christmas.

The typo Christmas shop is here.

I know it's early, but we like to be organized.

Yeah.

We're going to typo.com today for Christmas things.

That's a free plug for typo.

That's a free.

That's a free.

Love's a holiday.

Yeah, they do.

Yeah.

And they love three cards for $12 and putting swear words on the cards.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Merry Ethan Christmas.

Yeah.

That sort of thing.

Hailey messaged in from Rolleston, which is.

Which is in the suburb.

Pardon me.

The prison or the suburb?

Prison.

She was on day release to go into the suburb.

Okay.

Lovely.

Nice.

Which is interesting because she's Hailey from Rolleston and we've got Hailey from

Rangiora on the show.

No.

I'm not from Rangiora.

I'm from Wellington.

Oh no.

I'm pretty sure your birth certificate says Rangiora.

Yeah.

It does.

It does.

Pretty sure I'm getting that changed.

I'm actually in Wellington.

I'll just ask.

Is Hailey from here?

No, she's from Rangiora.

No, she's not.

She is.

Her consciousness, her soul was born in Wellington.

She said that I have another report of Bunnings with the Christmas lights out.

Yeah.

She said I need more because she screencapped that from the Christchurch Christmas Light

Display Enthusiasts Facebook group.

Oh, what?

Wow.

Is there like, you would join that page and then like go and have a nose at their lights?

Or drive around.

Or drive around.

Yeah.

I think they might put it together a little amateur.

Oh, that's cool.

An amateur situation.

This one also from Rolleston.

Hey, it's Hailey again.

Again, not to be confused with Hailey on the show.

Who's from Rangiora.

No.

Another Canterbury suburb.

Small town that starts with R.

Main Freight Christmas Show Parade with just a couple of months to go.

We're trying something different this year to get the word out about our New Look Parade

and Festival.

Keep an eye out for our bus backs coming to a street near you from October 1st.

Spread the word.

We have a very limited marketing budget and need your help to grow our Facebook page and

let the whole city know the parade is back with so much more.

Wow.

Well, here you go.

This is a free one.

ChristmasShowParade.co.nz.

That's for the people that can go to the Main Freight Christmas Show Parade.

Hailey and Rolleston seems to follow a lot of Christmas based pages.

She's really getting in there and putting in the effort.

She is.

Yeah.

Kelsey said, on a personal note, I would like to contribute to a lot like Christmas by saying

our work just sent out to save the date for a Christmas party.

Oh, yes.

Are we doing a Christmas party?

Yeah, we normally do.

Well, because I couldn't go.

I know.

I haven't been able to go the last couple of times.

Right.

Team player, they call it.

Hailey Sproul, team player.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I tell you who has been there, me.

And that just really shows what a terrible team player you are.

Oh, I know.

Even Vaughn's there.

Yeah.

And finally, Naomi messaged in that Kmart has engaged all Christmas cannons because underneath

the sign that says Lingerie or lingerie.

I don't know if you can say that on here.

Lingerie.

Do you need me to explain that to your children?

Yeah.

How are I supposed to explain that women wear underwear?

Yeah.

So it's underwear, basically.

Oh, goodness.

Okay.

It's just a French word for underpants.

Oh, my God.

Please put on your turtleneck, women.

Cover right up from ankles to throat.

In the lingerie section, there seems to be some sort of confusion as there's non lingerie

items in the lingerie section and they're all Christmas sleeping t-shirts.

Oh, God.

Sort of the Grinch that stole Christmas.

Winnie the Pooh and friends.

Winnie Pooh?

Winnie the Pooh and friends.

Oh, Winnie the Pooh.

Same, same, different.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Same, same, different.

Yeah, all on t-shirts and a Christmas theme.

Okay.

So with all that in mind and 94 days away from Christmas.

Dasher, dancer.

Get your reins on.

Christmas penetration is at...

31%.

Oh.

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Well, we're all, you know, doing our bit to help the planet.

Yeah.

Aren't we?

We're trying at least.

And one family...

My family and I have been recycling for 10 years.

Yes.

Oh, good for you, man.

That was that.

Thank you.

We're not talking politics this political season, but that was the highlight of my leaders'

debate the other night.

10 years, yeah.

Yeah.

Climate change.

Oh, man.

My family have been recycling for about 10 years.

Yeah, well.

There hasn't recycling been a thing for about 40 years.

Well, I'm 33 and we'll be doing it my whole life.

So that's good.

Anyway.

Greenies.

There was one family who decided that their contribution, and it was led by the wife,

was to become vegan.

Okay.

Right?

So she was like, I'm going to do...

I'm going to go vegan and that's fine.

And then the husband said, great, I'll...

We'll eat vegan at home.

But if I'm out and stuff, I might still have a bit of meat.

That was their deal.

Yeah.

Then their kid, they decided they went to their health care professional and they said,

you know, can we raise our son vegan?

And they gave it the AOK and said, make sure you eat this and this and this.

So they decided to raise their kid vegan.

Now, a few years later, the father was going through his son's bag and he found a bunch

of non-vegan treats and burger wrappers.

And a boy.

In his bag.

Yeah.

And the husband was like, well, I don't want my son to feel like he has to eat in secrecy.

So he started sneaking non-vegan food to his son and was like, just between you and me.

Okay.

Just between you and me.

I'm going to let you do this.

I don't want you spending your pocket money on these snacks and throwing out vegan snacks.

I just want my wife to be happy and think that we're all being vegan.

And then that's all we're going to do it.

Now, recently the mum found out.

Okay.

How did that go down?

She flipped.

Okay.

She called him an animal abuse enabler.

Okay.

Wow.

And a few other names and said, I was corrupting the son.

And now the debate online is like, I think the dad's done the right thing.

You know, you know, like a child, you know, they want to eat meat.

They can eat meat and all this kind of stuff.

But he cheated essentially on this family diet.

I just think, I think we've quite a fun little bonding experience between father and son.

Sneaky behind mum's back.

I mean, that's just any, it's quite cool to be the parent that you're doing something

like sneaky.

Okay.

Okay.

Don't tell mum.

It doesn't mean treating on a diet, but it's always good fun.

Your kids are at the age now where they will keep a lie though.

Yeah.

Whereas you say, don't tell mum.

We went to nonnies.

Dad bought me nuggies.

Yeah.

Shut up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll say it straight away.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I do love when like a couple will be like, okay, our wedding's coming or summer's

coming.

We're going to, you know, eat well.

Yes.

We're going to have salad every night for dinner.

This is me and Aaron.

Someone cheats on the way home and gets a burger or fries.

Literally, I will get into Aaron's truck and we'll be like, right, we're on a, we're

sitting on the straight and narrow.

We're going to do this.

We're going to go on a little diet.

We're going to get it sorted.

Yeah.

And then I get into his truck and I'm like, excuse me, Mrs. Max.

What?

You said find a pie wrapper.

Pie wrappers.

And I'm always like, we're doing a thing or keto.

I'm always like, when I, when I chuck us on keto, I'm always like, you've got to do

it too.

And then I'll always find little bloody sausage roll pastry bags, you know, from the bakery

and stuff.

Where's the working man?

He's a working man.

He needs more than butter and reeks.

Maybe he's not, maybe he's not eating the pastry.

He's just eating the meat out of the middle.

He's eating the pastry.

He is.

Are you telling me that you're going to go to the bakery?

I'm just trying to help a guy out.

Yeah.

I want to know when did you cheat on the diet?

Who did you keep it secret from?

Yes.

Why did you feel the need to cheat?

Not just cheating your own diet for the South, but maybe you had to keep it a secret from

someone that you were no longer...

Maybe you signed up to some work fitness thing or...

Maybe you're a vegetarian, but you went to a barbecue and you had a sausage.

Does the wife need to know?

No.

Does your animal activist group need to know?

It was a beautiful pork sausage.

We want to know when you have cheated on a diet, because a vegan family, secretly the

son and the husband were having little meaty bits.

Going out for little father-son burgers behind the wife's vegan back.

But it is really cheating on your partner, isn't it?

It is a bit of a...

It's a deceit.

Yeah.

Anonymous joins us.

Anonymous, good morning.

You cheated?

Somewhat.

She's like, oh, I didn't kiss another man.

It just depends on the viewers' eyes.

So who were you...

You decided with your partner you were going to do some kind of eating?

Dians.

Yeah, both some of that.

I'm not used to holiday and events, but I'm trying to be a little bit good because it's

a sunny holiday.

Yeah, I fill up on the way to work, so I always think, well, you know, the food from the gas

station, mostly donuts for me, doesn't really count as long as I've got all days to eat

and dispose of the evidence before I get home.

Also, that donut would be absorbed into the price of the fuel, wouldn't it?

Because you'd just be like...

Exactly.

One transaction.

Yeah.

So I used to do this on diets.

I would go to the petrol station because you'd see, like, Caltex, $100 or something.

Yes, they put a Turkish delight in there.

We don't need to know that.

And I know, and you can't resist it either.

So I'm like, it doesn't really count, and it is.

It's more fuel.

So it's kind of, yeah, all both together.

But has your partner seemed like, have you been good?

Did you lie to your partner?

He's going to get home like, oh, you're like, you know, hungry.

I'm like, oh, I'm not hungry yet.

I don't think I'm still, you know, quite full from the day of all my treats.

So kind of, kind of gaslight him a little, I guess.

Oh, my God.

It's going to get to November, and you're going to be at this sunny getaway holiday,

and this dude is going to be absolutely ripped.

And I'm not saying you're not going to be, but I mean, come on, donuts and stuff.

And you're going to be like, and then, because I deal with women, I know how this is going to be.

Then you're going to be shitty at him because he's looking good, and you're not as...

I hate it.

I hate it when Aaron gets ripped, and I didn't keep up.

Yeah.

Especially when he's like, well, it goes against, you're already at the gym.

So it's kind of defending the purpose.

He doesn't need to know then, you know?

Also, eat the donuts, babe.

Get the donuts.

I love that.

Just don't be angry at him because he didn't.

All right?

I won't.

Yeah, we say that.

Anonymous, thank you.

Some messages in.

So many vegetarians break in there.

I know.

But okay.

Here's one because this is interesting.

I'm a vegetarian, but my partner goes hunting.

So he comes back with delicious venison.

Yeah.

Now, I'll have a little taste of that.

Surely it's not bad if it's free in range and helping with pest control.

Are deer's pests?

Yeah, they are.

Deers are an invasive species.

They make a real mess.

That's why you've got to hunt them, keep the numbers down.

Nom them up then.

Yeah, nom, nom, nom.

Help us out.

Nom it up.

I had a mate of Indian heritage who didn't eat beef for religious reasons.

Of course.

I'm a type one diabetic, but I have a blue V almost every day.

Hang on.

I don't know if that's cheating on a dog.

They're cheating on their doctor.

They said despite the doctor and the partner having no idea and telling me I had to knock

it off.

Oh no, I don't know if that, yeah, that'll be spiking your blood sugars, won't it?

Oh my God.

My wife doesn't eat cured meat, so my daughter and I always have a car ham on the way home

from the supermarket.

Car ham?

I have car ham.

I love car ham.

Car ham.

Car ham is so good.

You've got to dispose of the plastic bag though.

Out the window?

Not out the window.

Finger up between the seats.

And you push it right down into the wheelie bin.

Yeah, yeah.

This is so good.

So good.

So good.

So good.

So good.

So good.

So good.

So good.

Right down into the wheelie bin.

Yeah, yeah.

This is so good.

So I'm like saying I busted my partner last night.

I'm away for work and we're supposed to be on a healthy eating buzz.

He sent me a video of something in his car, but I forgot to hide his fast food wrappers

that were on the floor.

I didn't tell him that I had also had Domino's for dinner.

Okay.

They're both cheating on each other.

So, we'll just like, just forget to mention that.

Yeah.

Play Zedem's Fletch, Vaughn and Haley.

We love girl math.

You love girl math.

We had girl dinner.

Yeah.

I'm not a fan of girl dinner,

but girl dinner is just girls making weird dinners.

Now on TikTok, it's girl hand.

Girl hand.

Girl hand.

And people are going like, everyone's got girl hand.

This is girl hand, right?

I've got in my hand, I've got my phone, my keys,

my glasses, and my wallet.

Is that because you lost your handbag?

I lost my bloody handbag.

God knows where that is.

And this is girl hand.

And this is women at all times leaving the gym,

going to their cars or anything.

Girl hand.

And this looks instantly recognizable, isn't it?

Yeah.

Okay, so that's girl hand.

So a girl hand is when a woman holds her hand like a claw

and puts as many things in it as possible.

And is this because you don't utilize pockets

like us lads do?

So we don't get pockets.

What do you mean you don't?

You've got pockets now.

I do have pockets today.

But a lot of our posts don't have pockets.

We have to utilize girl hand.

You don't take your handbag everywhere sometimes.

You just gotta have it all.

Did you know this was a thing, Vaughn?

Yeah, I've seen it.

And it always ends up on the ground.

It's all like, I can do this.

And I've not seen it done for any amount of time

before something slips out.

Or if your keys are,

you've got the key ring on your finger, like a ring,

because then of course it doesn't require a grip.

It's just hanging and you need to get the keys out.

And everything's gotta be put down

and then something falls out.

And then a water bottle's always like,

pa-dong, pa-dong, pa-dong.

Now girl hand, that's where the Frank Greens have got there

because they've got the little rubber string.

Yeah.

They're hanging the keys as well.

I mean, you've got,

you can fit so much more into girl hand these days.

Gullies, Shannon and Karwing, do you guys girl hand?

Absolutely.

I do this like every day.

And I've got five fingers for a reason, you know?

Yeah.

Big in the supermarket as well.

I'll go here.

Oh my gosh, same.

No basket.

No basket.

No basket.

And then I'll like hook a broccoli

through these two fingers.

Then a halloumi.

Then like a capsicum here.

Yeah.

But you can always make it work

until you get to like the juice aisle or something.

And then I'll boil a wine under the armpit.

Yeah, under the armpit.

And then it gets a bit slippy

because I'm wearing satin and it's just...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it always works.

Always trust in girl hand.

Wow, to put wine under the armpit.

Oh, every time.

That's a big, yeah, danger.

Yeah, I've definitely done it before.

Couple of bots under each pit.

Couple.

Girl hands.

Spot the heavy drinker as opposed to Shannon,

who's the sample one model.

Go to the juice.

She's going to the juice aisle.

She's going to the juice aisle, yeah.

I've got a couple of prosies in the pits.

Play it.

Yes, Fletch for the nailie.

ZM.

ZM's 25K.

Cash catcher.

Louise, good morning.

Hello, how are you?

Good, good.

Really bloody good, mate.

Are you ready to try and win some cash?

Yes, I am.

Are you a bit of a gambler?

Do you like to take a risk?

No, no, not normally.

No, I get safe.

Because some people play it safe with Cashy.

And they get to 200 and they're like,

stop, some people like go four.

Don't discourage us if we say go to 500.

Because we don't know where it goes off, Louise.

We learn it as you do.

I know.

I know, it's scary.

And sometimes it goes off super early

and sometimes late.

OK, well, Louise, it is up to you.

Are you ready?

Man.

Ready.

Go.

42.

Every day's payday.

87.

Yee-hoo.

128.

The tasty cheese is on me.

189.

Ooh.

245.

Money.

298.

I'm filling up with notify.

353.

Woo-hoo.

Stop.

353.

153 dollars, Louise.

That's a good amount.

It is good, actually.

I could hear the four, but that's OK.

It's better than nothing.

I'm happy.

Yeah, 353.

That's a good amount of money.

All right, let's see how high cash you would have gone.

111.

Cash money.

476.

Uh-oh.

521.

Look out.

579.

I'm getting three points this week.

623.

Whee.

687.

Upper artisanal sausages.

742.

I'm not even going to check the price of this jeep.

Oh, Louise.

That went high today.

700.

Oh, that's OK.

742.

But you got...

353 dollars.

That's a good amount, Louise.

Congrats.

Play ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

I'm going to mute your thing, mate.

What are you wearing?

I was just going to.

I just missed it.

I just found a pair of glasses.

It's so funny when you put on somebody else's glasses

and they just absolutely...

Like, this is when you're dead.

Does your dad ever borrow your mum's glasses?

Yes, all the time.

What, give me those, pets?

Yeah, yeah, I don't have my glasses.

Can I borrow yours and they pop them up?

You look like one of those old ladies

out of a farside cartoon.

Yes, you do.

Oh, my God, too good.

Vaughn joins us from our Wellington Studios today.

Yeah, you're a silly boy.

I'm having fun.

I'm having fun.

I'm off to Government House, son.

I better get into my suit, son.

Yeah, you squished at him.

Now, there was...

Thumb it in.

Yeah.

Biggy pardon?

Thumb it up to it, too.

You said yourself that it was...

It was snug.

It was snug.

No, I said I did try on.

I said I don't know why I bought so many suits

when I was at my thinnest.

Oh, you're wearing your fat suit today.

I'm the...

It's Model Dimensions.

It's Barker's Model Dimensions.

That's right, it's the Model Dimensions.

Yeah, well, can't argue with that.

The guy at Barker said, are you a model?

Yeah, to be fair.

Now, there was American football.

People love the Iowa Hawkeyes beat the Western Michigan...

The crowds at American football.

The Iowa.

It's just Iowa, I think.

Iowa?

This is like when Fletch calls it Illinois.

Iowa.

And Arkansas.

Arkansas.

But football in it, like college football in America

is nuts, the stadiums.

And like, there are as big as All Blacks games.

Tens of thousands of people watch these things.

Dude, it's way more than All Blacks games.

It's like the big college games get 100,000 people

piece of cake.

That's crazy, aye.

So one of the Iowa...

Iowa.

Yeah, you said it right.

Iowa cheerleaders, thank you.

Iowa.

It's not Iowa.

It's got to be the middle year.

You know you don't pronounce that or you just run through.

Iowa.

Iowa.

No, it's a diphthong.

Anyway, one of the cheerleaders was like,

wow, wow, wow, and they were all like celebrating and stuff.

And he's one of the acrobats.

And he goes, slap.

And he run, run, run.

And he does to do a triple blip, blip, blip, blip, blip, do.

And in the middle of his pants come off.

And they literally like slip from his waist

to his ankles in the middle of the ear.

And then he lands and like quickly like,

and embarrassingly like, fumble, fumble, fumble,

tries to pull his pants up and then runs back to the group.

But all the cheerleaders are laughing.

All the crowd is laughing.

40,000 people.

Yeah, saw this.

So this isn't like your 100,000 Texas stadium.

This is 40,000, so a lot of people.

40,000 still saw this.

And they're laughing at you.

He's mid-ear, pants, body out.

Pants down in the ankles.

Body in front of 40,000 people.

I know, do you know what?

He still managed to land the thing.

Even with his pants down.

He steps to the landing.

Wow, OK.

But pants were down and it just, it didn't,

it wasn't cool and it was really embarrassing.

I want to know when you've accidentally flashed someone,

when this has happened.

Because I remember once,

one of my favorite theater stories,

I was on stage and it was this sort of interactive thing.

You guys would hate it.

OK, yeah.

It was an interactive thing.

And this guy kind of came up on stage

and he was like acting the goat,

you know, when people were going to dance.

You say theater, but it sounds to me like

you're describing a hypnotism show.

No, it wasn't that.

He had gone up to sort of like play along

and he didn't realize that his pants had split.

And the crowd was laughing.

And then he was like, they like me.

They really like me.

Oh, it's like, kept going harder and harder and harder.

And then everyone was laughing.

It was, it was so good.

But his whole ass was out.

And that's why, and that's why.

They like me.

They really like me.

Oh my God, I get it, the stage.

Anyway, I want to know when you've accidentally flashed someone,

maybe something popped out.

Have you ever, I don't know,

this probably wouldn't happen to you,

but when you wear togs and you get out of the pool,

but they, they, they pull.

I had definitely had my ass out trying to get out of a pool.

When I went, when I was in Bali,

we went to one of those water parks and all the slides.

Every time your whole top is like up and then you were just

breasts out and like fumbling in the water every time.

That's enough to put you in prison in Bali, isn't it?

Guy, no, I'm lucky I even got home.

But yeah, I've definitely flashed a boob from like jumping in.

Especially what was in your suitcase.

Oh, I know.

Don't you didn't know you didn't know you didn't know that that was

illegal to take to Bali.

A boogie board.

When did you accidentally flash?

Something popped out when it was supposed to.

Maybe you fell over.

The pants came down.

Pants came down.

Maybe you split the skirt and you were wearing a G.

Don't wear a G under a skirt.

That's a different conversation.

Oh, wait, oh, wait a hundred dollars.

And then we want to take your calls now.

Text through nine, six, nine, six.

When did you accidentally flash the world?

Yeah, the more people, the better.

Exactly, bigger crowd.

We're getting some internal stories that.

Well, perhaps we could share that one.

We want to know when you've accidentally flashed a large amount of people.

Yeah, we asked on Instagram as well, Ash said,

swimming, I was playing water volleyball,

came up out of the water to hit the ball.

And of course, when you come up out of the water,

the tog's got a bit of drag.

Yeah, top came down.

And today's came out.

Two words, her words, her words, not mine.

I just got a habit of doing that.

Yeah, they do.

A lot of bounce.

Clarice, after she put Hannibal Lecter in prison, said,

I was on an escalator and my dress got caught and ripped it.

And the whole top of my dress got pulled down.

Oh, I remember once we did a phone

and top escalator injuries.

That was the most wild.

I remember the stories from that day.

You've got to be so careful on the escalator.

So just pinched it.

We'd like, yeah, just grab it and started sucking it in.

She was at a mall, though, right?

So she just get a new dress, go buy a new dress, go buy a new dress.

Hop into Dottie.

Cook the stop button, take what you can and go get a new dress.

On stage, someone stepped on my long skirt

and it came down bright pink underwear.

Alan said, well, getting off a horse.

So you know how you get off a horse, you kind of like chuck a leg over.

And I guess you lean on the horse

and slide off the saddle to the ground.

Yeah, I was getting off a horse on my top

and my bra got caught on the saddle.

So then when I slid off the horse, my top got pulled up

and then my arms were stuck up on the horse

and everything else was hanging out.

Baps out.

Oh, my God, that's so great.

I love that.

Let's take some calls.

Sarah, when did you accidentally flash everybody?

When I was 16, I went to the surf beach for the first time.

And got dunked by a wave, stood up, wiping my eyes,

you know, getting the water out of my eyes.

Yeah.

And my aunt's mother had to come over and say,

Sarah, you're boobs are for the now.

All flat.

It's the middle of the summer.

Oh, yeah, those West Coast waves, they will absolutely.

They destroy bikinis.

They do, yeah, you've got to be so careful.

Yeah.

Oh, good.

I haven't been at home.

Oh, yeah.

OK, good.

If it happens three times in a row, that actually is a habit

and it's on you.

Yeah, yeah.

Sarah, thanks for your call.

Graham, when did you accidentally flash a lot of people?

I wasn't me.

I wasn't flashing.

It was my wife, actually.

So it's happened twice with more than twice in fact.

But I'll tell you the two that happened.

One time was wasn't loads of people, but she was walking up

the stairwell with her in her office with all of her colleagues.

And she was wearing one of those elasticated skirts kind of things.

And she stepped on the skirt as she was walking up the stairs.

So the skirt ended up down around her ankles with her colleagues behind her.

So funny that she's done it to herself, just by stepping on it.

And then the other worst one was in my my Christmas function at work.

So in front of all of my colleagues, she's a bit of a gymnast back in the day.

And she's wearing this lovely jumpsuit and she decides to do this

backflip thing and followed with a splits on the dance floor.

And then when she stood up and walked towards me, I was so cool doing all of that.

I said, could you just look at your jumpsuit because it's split

literally from the breast all the way down underneath the couch all the way up the back.

So we got the whole thing.

So I love you are a sexually nude right now.

Yeah, you're wearing two half suits.

Oh, wow.

Also, your wife sounds like a blast, though.

How nice she is. She is actually she's a good laugh.

Brilliant. Graham, thank you.

Alex, when did you accidentally flash everybody?

We were on the Waikiki ferry.

Oh, darling, darling, you're simply must take the helicopter.

Yes.

Well, I was dressed nicely.

I had a midi skirt on, thought I would have been safe.

And, you know, everybody faces the same way.

Yes, yes.

And I'm facing that way, also watching the view

until a really big gust of wind came and I became the view.

That's the thing with a midi skirt.

So much more fabric when the wind gets under it.

God, she flies.

Wow. Did you show everybody your shed tend, did you?

Wow.

Brilliant. Alex, thank you.

Some messages and so many accidental flashings.

We're just all human, aren't we?

I got invited on the family holiday to the Gold Coast

with my boyfriend at the time on the Tower of Tierra

right at Dream World, the G-Force has pulled my top down

right when the photo has been taken.

I knew straight away as I felt the breeze on my nips.

The G-Force.

How are these jammed?

How is the G-Force anyway?

That's a story of science for another time.

You can imagine the kid that's working in the photo shack

has definitely got to save the album, mate.

Oh, my God.

That, well, sure enough, we get off the ride

and get the lift down to the gift store.

And the photo was up on the big TV,

except they've chucked a Dream World sticker

across my bare chest.

Oh, my God, I would buy that photo.

I would buy that photo. It'd be so funny.

Also, your boobs would be sort of up.

They'd be perky because you're going down, right?

Because of gravity.

Yeah, and the weightlessness.

They'd be perky, or unless it's gone too far the other way

and they're up by your face.

Yeah, it depends on the size of the breast.

Dancing is the mate of honour at my best friend's very bougie,

Mayfair London wedding.

Oh, darling, darling, darling.

And the strap on my dress came down on my boobs,

fully fell out. The DJ loved it.

They would, though, the wedding DJs.

They're different.

That's a little tip as well.

To make matters worse, it's not the only wedding it's happened at.

You've got to take those puppies down.

Yeah.

I went on a water slide at Wet and Wild on the Gold Coast

and I'm tipped off the sled at the bottom.

I stood up, wiped the water from my eyes and realised I'd popped a tit.

Yep.

A couple of guys cheered in their appearance at the bottom

with video cameras waiting to film their kids coming out.

So he's definitely...

Some of the dads dragged that from one folder to another.

Yeah, yeah.

Hydra Slides seemed to be the one, though.

Yeah.

Somebody else said they were at a Hydra Slide

at a big Aussie theme park.

The clip snapped on my bikini as I jumped onto it.

And my boobies fell out and there was no way to fix it.

The clasp was fully bugged and when I came out at the bottom,

it was just tits for all.

And a guy on the megaphone, a guy on the megaphone,

yelling for me to exit the slide.

Love this.

Oh, my God. Thank you for your messages.

So good.

Play it.

ZM's Fletch for the Nail.

Fact of the Day.

Day, day, day, day.

Yeah.

I do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Well, it's Road Sign Week at Fact of the Day

and we're giving you a whole lot of facts about road signs from around the world.

And today we're going to Hawaii.

Aloha.

Aloha to you all.

So today's Fact of the Day is in Hawaii, there is a road sign

that says at the Mauna Kea Observatory on the road to and from,

beware of invisible cows.

You've got to watch out for them.

You just don't-you can't see them, can you?

You've got to be aware of these invisible cows.

What are the invisible cows?

I've driven in Hawaii.

I never saw this sign.

Did you drive to the Mauna Kea volcano?

Is this on the main island on Honolulu?

Um, I think so.

I've never been to the motherland.

Haven't you?

What, where Jason Momoa is from?

No, 1% Hawaiian, thank you.

OK, yeah.

And Jason.

Yeah.

She would have said I've never been to the Daddyland

if she was specifically talking about the famous Jason Momoa.

There you are.

Well, I'll take you back in history to the 1790s,

where a British officer gave King Kamehameha the third.

So, I don't know, King Kamehameha, one of the earlier kings,

a gift of cattle.

Oh, lovely.

And King Kamehameha said, oh, those are good eating,

but you've only given us a few.

So what we're going to do is we're going to increase

this population size.

And I'll do that by just releasing them

into this environment of which there has never

had an animal of this nature in it before.

Right.

OK.

And I will impose the death penalty on anyone

who touches those animals.

Good Lord.

So as we can well speak to on our own Pacific Island,

when you release a creature into the environment

and it's not used to being there,

it can absolutely go ham and the numbers can fly.

So over the next 40 years, numbers of the cows

got to the point where they were destroying a lot of Hawaii.

OK.

So they said, well, we're going to have to wrangle them.

So they trained up.

Some people came from California and trained up

what they called Hawaiian cowboys, panellos.

And then they would control and domesticate the cows,

put up some fences, took them a little while.

But they still had, you'll remember,

he gave them a few cattle.

So it started off as a five.

By 1848, there was 35,000 of them roaming.

Wow.

That's a lot.

Yeah.

And they have to continue to eradicate them and take them out.

However, due to the eradication and the ones that

could escape were smaller, they've

kind of evolved the smaller cattle survived.

So they would pass on those genes to the next lot of being

smaller.

So eventually, over time, these have become smaller,

smaller creatures.

Yeah.

And also the ones.

A little minute, a little minute to one.

And the ones that survived were also dark, dark in color.

So the ones that remain are a smaller, darker

creature, which when they congregate and sit down

on the hot asphalt roads at the end of the day

to absorb the heat off the road, you just can't see them

when you're driving.

Hence, invisible cows.

Invisible cows.

Hence the local legend of invisible cows,

because people would be driving and be like,

but do, do, do, do, what the hell was that?

And then they get out and they've had a cow and they're like,

I didn't see it.

And then, you know, people would be like, well,

it was invisible.

I couldn't see it.

And now that I've injured it, it lost its power

to camouflage itself.

Yeah.

So they put up road signs.

It's all wearing covered in guts.

Now I see it.

Its insides are on the outside now.

I don't know if your Mazda 3 would even dent a cow.

No, it would be dented.

It would just hit a wall.

It would stove in the front.

Wow.

OK.

So they put up a sign saying, beware of invisible cows.

And all the tourists would ask, like, what's

the deal with the invisible cows?

So much so that the observatory now

sells stickers that says, beware of invisible cows, which

is a copy of the road sign.

Oh, wow.

So today's fact of the day is the local

legend of the invisible cows led to road signs being

put up in Hawaii, warning people to drive carefully

due to invisible cows.

Fact of the day.

Day, day, day, day.

Day.

Yeah.

I do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

Play a CDM Splits for the Nailie.

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Check out Happy.

I had a big day yesterday, didn't I?

You did.

I did three things.

I was a radio presenter in the morning.

I was an actor in the afternoon and a comedian at night.

It was a big day.

And I was heading from, I was on set doing something.

I can't say what it was, but I was on set as an actor

doing something.

She was breaking the actor's union.

She was scared.

Oh, you're scared.

She was working when no one else could work.

I thought you were all on strike at the moment.

Just not in New Zealand.

Not in New Zealand.

We don't care, that's enough.

We're just grateful for the work.

We're right for free and we'll act for nothing.

It's fine.

Exposure will be enough.

Anyway, so I had done radio all morning

and I got to this place and I had to get into costume.

So I was like, I'll do an undie change

because I had a bag full of, whenever I go to a gig,

I always have bags full of bra options,

sucky innie options, underwear options.

You don't know what you're wearing.

And I did an undie change.

So I had fresh pair of knickers for a fresh job.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait, now you got changed in the car.

No, no, no, in the wardrobe area.

It's all good and private.

So I got a fresh pair of undies on.

Then I did a great job.

Wait till you see it.

Okay, yeah, right.

Wait till you see it.

Because it's unnamed project.

For this unnamed project.

Okay.

And then I...

They say no one acts like steps as to who got her hand

stuck in the washing machine, quite like Sproul.

Exactly.

You're not another dead person, are you?

No, I'm not a dead person.

All right.

And I'm not a stepsister.

I'm just, that's just not acting, is it?

Acting dead.

Not that, not that.

Anyway, and then I was driving home

and I've had a bit of a runny nose recently,

like a funny sort of nose.

By the way, you've gone through all of my tissues.

I have a used, I know I used like the last one just before.

Apologies.

I'll get us a box tomorrow.

There you go.

I was waiting for it.

He wants a fresh box.

I want a fresh box.

So I was driving home and I reached,

like without looking, I reached into my tote bag

for my hanky, cause you know I use,

I like when I don't use your tissues,

I use my deep grandfather's hand keys.

Yeah, see, I grew up on hankies.

Yeah, I love a hanky.

I love a hanky.

I know I can't anymore, the manky.

Reached into my bag, found my hanky, blew my nose,

turned away to put it back in the bag.

And that's when I realized I had blown my nose

into my dirty undies.

Hey!

Did the smell not give it away?

No, luckily, I...

Well, cause you got a blocked nose, you can't sniff.

I know, luckily I wasn't too close.

You have to say sniffing panties in the same zandex.

Luckily I wasn't too close.

People said it.

I grabbed another corner of it,

is where I blew my nose, but I did.

I blew snot into my worn undies.

And then you're so grim.

Put them back into my bag, and it just felt like the hanky.

But it definitely wasn't.

It was my dirty undies.

And I just feel like I've been so grim and manky this year,

I couldn't get worse, and yet it has.

It just did.

You are.

I snotted into my dirty undies.

Well done to you, man.

Oh, thank you very much.

It's a real moment of reflection.

Yeah, I think you need a box of tissues in the car.

You're not gonna mistake that.

No, I know, I know, I will.

And I'll get a box of tissues for the studio as well.

Thank you.

ZM's Fletchvon and Haley.

Fletchvon and Haley, silly little poll, silly little poll.

It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little poll,

silly little poll, silly little poll, silly little poll,

silly little poll.

Today's silly little poll.

It's one for the vapours.

Did you smoke cigarettes before picking up vaping?

Yeah, I was thinking about this the other day

because I know people that vape,

and we've spoken about this before,

and you've got a mate that vapes, who was never a smoker.

Never smoker.

I know so many women over 40 who never smoked.

Maybe on the very rare occasion might have a social durry.

They don't count.

You know, and out and about dart,

a little drag to celebrate a social occasion.

But never buy a pack of smokes,

and now they're full-blown vapours.

Every time they're like, I'd smell a wine,

they're like, I'd better have a vape too.

It's just like, what are you doing?

And they've all got children.

It's so bizarre.

Because there was a study that came out

that I was reading just yesterday that said

it's just as harmful as smoking.

Yeah, I mean, it's any minute now, right,

that that's absolutely rock-solid evidence.

Yeah.

I mean.

The problem was the first major thing

that was bad about vaping, they named it popcorn lung,

and that's too cute.

Yeah.

And now I'm imagining we're at the movies,

and while I don't like popcorn,

the smell of popcorn is absolutely synonymous

with a good time at the films.

Yeah, so our poll results today perfectly split.

50-50.

Really?

50% didn't smoke before,

50% previously smoked and now vape?

I did not think it was going to go this way.

Neither!

I thought there would be a lot more than we thought,

but not half.

I thought 20% tops.

That is absolutely mind-blowing

that people have taken out vaping when they never smoked.

Do you know what, because I thought this way,

because people say when I started Breakfast Radio,

they were like,

God, you're going to get into drinking coffee.

I was like, no, I don't really want to be addicted to anything.

Why would you add an addiction to your life?

I'm totally addicted to bass.

Ah, interesting.

You always have to be.

Twint, twint.

Is it all right to make a 20-year-old song

reference on the show?

Yeah, totally addicted to bass.

No, but it's a timeless classic.

It is a timeless classic.

It is.

There's some feedback on it.

Amanda said, I've vaped to give up smoking

and managed to do that.

I don't know, longer vape,

because I didn't want to swap one habit for another.

Yeah, because I have well done that.

Because you can reduce the nicotine in your vape.

Yeah, so Aaron vapes because he used to be a smoker,

and I feel like it is the better option.

And he does the lowest percent of nicotine.

Yeah.

He's a fiddler, though, isn't he?

Yeah, it's going to be hard to get something out of his hands.

I like to put my breasts in them.

To get them to put down their back.

Anytime we're like...

Well, we're down the pub.

We're down at the bloody bare spot out west.

And what he just flops it out, does he?

And just has a fiddler with it and pops it in his mouth.

No, he pops it in his mouth, Vaughn.

Well, I'm saying, that's what smokers like.

They like the something in their hands that they can fiddler with,

which your boobs tick the ticket on,

but then he can't just pop it in his mouth.

That is a boy's up just popping outside for a tit, if you don't mind.

Maybe we can give him some chewing gum or something.

Yeah, that's a good answer.

Or one of those bands, you know, that you flick.

You flick, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, if you want to...

Feeling a bit itchy.

Yeah.

Michael Mestizdin saying,

I was a pack-a-day smoker.

How much would that cost nowadays?

Oh, so much.

And I picked up vaping as an alternative.

Haven't had a ciggy for a month.

Oh, well, congratulations.

He's a good boy.

We should celebrate these small wins.

Yeah, well done, Michael.

Renee said, smoked for years,

turned to vaping when a pack of 30s was $32,

and then gave up vaping a few years later.

Later when I found it, I was pregnant.

Perfect.

Oh, yeah.

Can you say when you're pregnant?

Well, I don't think you should.

I wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

Because it's nicotine candy harmful to a baby.

As well as all the other chemicals in smoking.

So if it's got nicotine in it, I'd give it a wide berth.

Tessa said, been on the diet since I was 16,

regrets, she says.

Vaping was cheaper,

and I genuinely hate I ever picked one up.

It's so much cheaper and easier to vape than smoke,

and you just end up doing it way more.

Yeah, that's the thing,

because it's more acceptable to vape inside,

and, you know, whenever in the car.

You know, the nice flavors and stuff, they get you.

I like the garlic ones.

You're more of a savoury vapor.

For me, when I'm having a drink,

I just want a Mumma Fiorelli's vape.

Yeah.

Oh, it's delicious.

Your Vietnamese vape was quite a nice smell.

Yeah, the beef one.

The beef.

Yeah, the beef.

Of course, of course.

Oh, that reminds me of Fletcher's OxoCube vape.

Oh, his beef oxo.

When you go savoury...

All the flavours of the stock sip, Mark.

Go savoury, you don't vape as much.

You don't do it as much.

You're tender, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those are shocking stats.

Really shocking.

I cannot believe those results

that half of vapors didn't smoke.

Yeah.

So, we've finally heard from one who never smoked.

Never smoked before.

Started social vaping.

Now, I'm all day, every day.

Wish I'd never started.

I've been trying to quit it for two years.

Social vape.

Okay.

It's bizarre, isn't it?

Bizarre.

Switched to vaping.

Massive mistakes.

So much harder to quit.

I managed to, but way worse withdraws

than when I was quitting the Suggies.

Oh, God.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

Oh, look, we're all, you know,

fighting our own battles out there, aren't they?

We've just won one evil for another, haven't we?

See ya, see ya later.

Actually, I'm gonna have to stop you there.

That's copyrighted.

Suji K is a very good friend of mine.

She's already sued me twice.

So, if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action.

That would be great.

I'll review her five stars.

Yeah.

If she does the same for this podcast.

Yeah.

And then she tells all her friends.

And if you're listening,

maybe give it five stars as well.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.