ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 18th October 2023

NZME 10/17/23 - Episode Page - 1h 16m - PDF Transcript

Transcript
Show Notes

The ZM Podcast Network.

The Fletch Vaughn and Haley Big Pod.

Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with My Mac's Rewards.

Good morning, welcome to the show Fletch Vaughn and Haley Happy Wednesday.

And Happy World Menopause Day.

Is it? It is today.

What a surprise that is.

Good morning to our menopausal listeners.

Yep. Who are up.

Good morning to our hairy menopausal listeners.

Yes.

We're on the outskirts of Menopause Town.

Just trying to find the quickest, most direct route to the centre of town

for a pick up and then get out as quick as they can.

Good morning to our listeners that have just been through it.

My mother breezed through it.

Very lucky lady.

Nothing. No symptoms.

Breezed through, right?

The only symptom being that she stopped bloody menstruating and that was it.

Lucky lady.

So anyway.

Happy World Menopause Day.

We've been told that in solidarity with our menopausal listeners

the producers are going to crank the heat every now and then and then pull it right back down.

Okay, right.

And Fletcher's in, you know, that sort of shitty up and down mood most of the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who knows what you'll get.

Maybe we'll kill each other.

Covering up on the show.

I'll tell you what, your father's going to wear it.

Silling little poll on the way.

How does your partner affect your diet?

Not at all.

Yes, they absolutely affect it.

Or...

Or they affect it in a good way.

And a good way, like maybe they are like, no, we're eating well.

This is me yesterday.

I had so much to do in the errands, like, or we could have a gin sour.

I believe you said that at 11 a.m.

11 a.m.

Yeah.

How long did you make it before?

What time is it?

2.30.

2.30 I had my first martini.

Okay, wow.

Okay.

And I only had two drinks yesterday.

Right.

Well, there's been...

Thank you.

Get a lot of work to do though, didn't you?

For the live show.

I did the live show, which is tomorrow.

There's been a study done about how your partner affects your diet.

We'll get into that soon with Silly Little Poll.

But next on the show...

Look, I love a list of baby names,

but there's been a list released of the craziest baby names

from Australia this year.

Like, four real names.

I'll give you a tease.

Janaslian.

Australia.

That's got a $5 prescription fee on it again now.

Janaslian.

There was a Reddit post from Australia

that was sharing some...

I guess someone who worked in the name registry or whatever

was sharing some of the wildest names

I've had come through this year.

They have been accepted.

Okay.

We're going to get our one soon.

There'll be a press release.

Yeah, great.

Always is.

The names have turned down.

Yeah, I love it.

I love it.

Okay.

Born on the 30th of September at 512 a.m.

was Rootie.

R-O-O-T-E-E.

Rootie.

Yeah, everyone was like, it's cold.

They're like, no, that would be R-U-T-I.

This is Rootie.

Like, we're at a Rootie.

And this is why you're called Rootie.

We had a little Rooties.

And we got a little Rootie.

Ah, Arlin.

Arlin.

I like it.

Arlin.

Gineslians probably my favorite of the list.

That's a hell of a name.

And you're right, it does sound like a prescription

medication.

Oh my god, I've run out of my Gineslian.

Kasely.

People are trying, trying too hard.

Kasely, K-A-I-S-L-E-E.

Like, we could call it Casey, but...

Just for reference, the mum's name's Kaley.

Ah.

And so it's like, wow, I want to know something

like something similar would be like me being like,

I want something similar to Hayley, Haysley.

What was the dad's name?

Brandon.

Oh, he doesn't get,

I thought they might have added in his sound.

There's a couple that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's Boone, B-O-O-N-E.

Boone.

Wasn't there a character?

No, David Boone.

David Boone.

And was there a Boone on last?

And this is Boone's first name.

Yeah, lost the TV show?

Was there a character called Boone?

Boone.

Was there a ringing a bell?

Yeah.

Or an actor.

Was that an actor?

That was Boone.

Yeah.

Haven, but spelled like-

Daniel Boone, also there's that literary character.

No, but that's all surname,

Boone being your first name.

Yeah.

Boone.

Boone Sproul.

Yeah.

Boone Fletcher.

Boone Smith.

Yeah, Boone.

I was at-

Boone, Boone, and Boone.

Ian Summerholder's character was Boone.

He died and lost.

I never watched Lost.

It was beyond me.

Do you know what I mean?

It's just like-

They messed it up.

It was a real moment in time, that show.

It was a moment in time.

They messed up the ending.

Haven, but spelled like Hayden,

like H-A-Y-V-E-N.

I know.

That's trash.

Brixton.

That sounds like-

That's so close to Braxton.

Yeah, Braxton Hicks.

What's your bloody-

Yeah, fake.

False contractions.

Brixton.

Brixton's a place too.

It's a hat brand as well,

but it's a British-

Isn't it a British town?

Certainly not a child's name.

No.

Avenly.

Like a diagram.

Avenly diagram.

Avenly.

Okay.

This is one I absolutely love

of some of the strange and tragic names

out of Australia this year.

McKinsey.

Oh, yeah, that's-

So close to Mackenzie,

but just replace all of it with I's.

Yeah, Mackenzie's a great first name.

McKinsey.

That's so Australian.

Wait, so does it M-I-C?

I-K-I-N-Z-I-E.

M-I-K-I-N.

McKinsey.

Oh, this one's great.

Kastian.

That's a naughty little shithole.

Kastian.

Go straight to the pencil's office.

It's as bad that I could imagine

when you read out these names,

what the parents look like.

Absolutely.

You mean you can picture Sierra and Brandon?

Yep, absolutely.

And Brandon's about with a Y.

Yeah.

Brandian.

I can.

Sierra and Brandon,

what's your beautiful boy's name?

His name's Kastian.

Winsley.

Treven.

What do I love about that?

Like Trevor.

T-R-E-V-Y-N.

What I love about this is they're so close to real names.

Yeah, real.

Like spelling mistake level.

Even when you see them,

they just look funny.

Treven, Winsley, Kastian, McKinsey.

And then everyone on this reddit thread

is just coming on and being like,

what about this?

What about this?

His name's.

You just, you just need to think about it.

Well, look at these kids are gonna spend a lifetime

spelling their names to people.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

Trash.

That's what I'll say.

Trash.

Play Zerians, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.

There is a story.

She had online that caught my attention.

There was a woman and she,

like many, many people lives paycheck to paycheck.

Not a lot of money to spare around.

She works a minimum wage job,

very rarely eats out or treats herself.

But she and a work colleague were like,

you know what?

It's been a hard month.

Let's head out for dinner and have a nice dinner.

And they were like, hell yes,

I can make a little room in the budget for this.

Now Lara, who was the woman here,

she took her friend or they went out

and they had this really nice meal

in which they had appetizers, mains, drinks and desserts.

Oh, okay.

So already I'm going,

even if you're going to a cheap restaurant,

that's racking up.

Yeah.

And they get to the time to pay.

And the other woman, her colleague,

and she keeps reminding us

that she calls her a colleague, not a friend.

It's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry,

I forgot my wallet.

This is so awkward.

And Lara's like, it's okay.

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

I'll cover you, you just pay me back.

Just like that time I was getting sushi

and my colleague, Hayley, offered to pay for my sushi.

That's right, because he forgot his wallet.

Right.

She offered to pay at that time.

Under the provider,

that I would be reimbursed at a later date.

At a later date.

And which he reimbursed me by buying my sushi.

Another day.

That I consider a fair reimbursement,

even though he eats way more sushi than I do.

And I always get like four pieces.

And he gets like 10.

He loads up the trays.

I take 10, the tray's like bursting.

Are you saying he's...

No, I'm over it.

It's gone.

I'm released.

I'm just saying like, yeah.

Quote, unquote, I was reimbursed.

I'm just saying you have used my shower a few times.

Yeah, okay.

And that's a lot of hot water heating, shampoo, soap.

Okay.

And so I think we're even.

Okay.

I think we're even.

Literally eats like 10 pieces of sushi.

Do you know what I mean?

Like we're going for a snack.

Yeah.

He eats like a small Japanese family's worth of sushi.

Oh yeah, definitely.

I eat a platter.

I eat a catering platter.

He literally has a catering platter.

Won't touch a biscuit, God forbid.

God!

God forbid.

Trees coming to the studio.

Absolutely not.

Oh no, thank you.

And then we'll eat, you know,

a 20 KG bag of rice wrapped in seaweed.

Yeah.

Because biscuits are evil carbohydrate.

Exactly.

They're naughty.

But rice, white rice.

Oh, dipped in soy.

Yeah.

Never mind.

Anyway, we're even.

Yep.

Thank you.

Quote, unquote.

Now, so she forgot her wallet and Lara's like,

okay, I'll pay for her.

But and the woman was like,

I promise I'll reimburse you for all this money.

Three weeks later, right?

Lara is, is hounding this woman.

Her colleague calls her a stalker who was pissing her off

but constantly demanding to be paid back.

So like, we drop into the text.

She's got screenshots.

We drop in later at being like,

hey, loved Monday.

Just a reminder, hit me back.

Here's my bank account, right?

Yep.

Sends a few of those.

Been like, hey, nudge, nudge any,

which, which, which, which, which?

Can you here's my bank account?

Then we drop into the text that,

hey, hey, can, can you real quick just pay me back

for dinner the other week?

The other week, right?

Weeks have passed.

You should have paid by now.

The, the respondee says,

hey girl, sure thing.

I get paid next week.

I'll be sure to hit you up then.

Then Lara's like,

hey, I'm not trying to be rude,

but you've been saying that for over three weeks now.

Just keep getting pushed back and back.

Yep.

And then the other girl goes,

I know I'm sorry.

Shit's been really crazy.

And I have other shit that takes priority

that I need to focus my money on.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Lara's like,

You pay for dinner immediately.

And Lara has emphasized here,

she is not a woman of means to just be shouting money.

She needs this money.

She said, okay, but you know I struggle to get by

and like, not for anything,

but you're posting about going out for dinner again tonight

while I'm struggling.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Then the colleague texts back saying,

all right, and question mark,

are you just going to stalk my socials every day

calling out shit that I'm doing?

Oh, no, this isn't,

this makes me so uncomfortable.

I know it's so like, I'll never do this.

And then, then the colleague says,

I thought better of you, TBH.

And then said, see,

this is a shit that I've got to deal with.

Wow.

Then Lara's like,

I'm literally asking you to please pay me back.

It's frustrating that you keep posting

about going out for activities or food or anything else.

But whenever I bring up the fact that you owe me money,

then all of a sudden the weight of the world

is coming down on you and you brush me off.

Please pay me back.

And then the colleague just says,

I already told you I will,

this shit's pissing me off,

I'm done talking to you.

Please tell me she's got her money.

This is a workplace thing,

I think we're going to need to get management involved.

But it's a thing that happened outside of work.

Yeah, but it's going to affect the workplace.

Silly.

You've got to pay people back straight away.

Like on the night you've got your phone with you,

just make the transfer then and there,

you're going to go out for dinner with people.

Yeah, the thing is if you forgot your wallet,

you can transfer money, right?

Yeah, straight away on your phone.

Whereas if you say, oh my God, my card declined,

I don't have the money, can you wait?

That's a different story.

But I mean, they're obviously friendly enough.

I know they just work colleagues,

but they're going to dinner together.

Just the two of them.

Yeah.

No, I know the sort of relationship this was.

This was a real,

I reckon even before they went out for dinner,

they were really trying to be nice to each other,

but didn't like each other, that sort of false.

Oh my God, girl, yes, let's say go out.

Yeah, girl, oh my God, girl, that shit, guys don't do this.

Well, do you know on the thread that this is on,

there's like a mixed response.

People are being like, oh my God, this woman,

how am I, this is horrendous.

And other people are being like, well, don't need money,

you can't afford to lose.

That's not the contrary.

No, no.

Do you know, there's not an update on whether or not

she got her money, I don't know.

Oh my God.

I don't know, I hope so.

Just pay her back.

See, this is the kind of shit that I've got to deal with.

I'm done talking to you.

Play it.

ZDM's Fletch for the Naili.

Silly little pole, silly little pole.

It is so silly, silly, silly that the silly little pole.

Silly little pole, silly little pole.

Today's Silly Little Pole is about your partner's

effect on your diet, your...

I guess your weight, right?

Let's not use the D word.

Lifestyle choices.

Lifestyle factors.

Lifestyle and food choices.

So we...

I just honestly, I don't...

Obviously, I don't want to break up with Aaron.

He's, I love my life, I love him.

But like, if I was to go through a breakup,

man, I'd shred.

I'd be so shredded.

But like, I guess I'm just going through a breakup

at the moment.

It's so funny when people break up

and they lose all that weight and you just say,

oh yeah.

Here we go.

Get hot.

I would say all of my friends who have gone through

the breakups just went like...

Both and you're like, oh my God.

This whole time.

Yeah, but they're like miserable.

Oh yeah, desperately depressed.

Yes, desperately.

All they want is a biscuit.

All they want is a cuddle.

All they want is a cuddle and a biscuit.

Cuddle and a biscuit's worth.

Yeah.

So we asked you for today's Silly Little Pole.

How does your partner affect your diet?

Positively, negatively or not at all?

Now, before you give the results,

I will give you the results from the study

from the University of Connecticut,

which basically says that romantic partners

do not affect your weight loss.

Oh shit, I'm calling it.

No way.

So they said they can't find any social influence

at all between couples when it came to factors

like self-control or grit,

both of which linked to better weight loss

and weight maintenance.

No, it's just that you need someone to blame

and the other person that you blame for everything.

No way.

Mine is Aaron.

This is always Aaron.

I'm like, all right, I've got vegetables in the veggie drawer.

I've got chicken in the fridge.

And then I'll be like, right, I'm gonna make dinner.

He'll be like, do you feel like cooking?

Yes, Aaron.

I do.

I've got all the ingredients, Aaron.

I'm just gonna have a look what's up there at B-Sport.

I'll just have a look at what food trucks at B-Sport.

And you're like, well, now I want a burger.

No, you've got to say no.

No, I don't.

I'm weak.

I'm mentally weak.

The study also said that on an individual level,

positive behavioral changes are quite possible

with the right intervention.

So in other words, while you might not be able to count

on your partner's tendency to change yours,

everyone is capable of breaking bad habits on their own.

Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

So you've got to say no.

I don't want to go to the food truck.

But tacos.

A taco.

How does your partner affect your diet?

This is the feedback.

53% of people, so a majority said negatively.

Yeah.

Only 20% said positively and 27% said not at all.

So the positively would be the people that like,

their partner's like, get up.

We'll go to the gym.

I've done that.

Yeah, I've been that to us before.

People don't like that can be a bit too much.

Do you know, I like leading it and being like,

right babe, we're getting on track.

We're going to do this.

And Aaron's always happy to come with.

If Aaron does it, I'm like, I'm sorry.

Oh, did you, oh, you think I'm fat?

If Aaron says like, right babe, let's get back on track.

Let's go to the gym.

Let's pull back.

I'll be like, okay, why don't you just call me

an absolute whale?

Wow.

I will never, we're never having sex again.

Wow.

Don't even look at me.

Look away.

Yeah.

Wow, I'm sorry.

Call the bloody ambulance to wheel me out of the house.

Yeah.

Get them to get a bloody crane.

Yeah.

Project Jonah.

Oh yeah, let's remove the front door.

Get me out of this house.

You can walk up behind him and grab love handles

on each side.

Yeah.

And be like, and jiggle them.

But if he's like, how are we going to the gym today?

Biggie, pardon?

Excuse me?

What did you just say?

Excuse me?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, we'll take all my clothes to the seamstress,

I guess, get them taken out.

It's Moomoo's for me.

Yeah, wow.

Some feedback on it.

Helen says, I was skinny when we first met

and now I'm fat because of his skinny slash fat ass.

Right.

That's the thing, if you're with a partner

with a wildly unbalanced, or compared to you metabolism,

that can be frustrating.

Also, he could be a feeder, though.

Hot.

If that's what he's into and that's what you're into

being fed.

Carl says, too much of her pud pud has made me tubby.

Pud pud.

Yeah, you've got to tell her to stop

making those delicious pud puds.

That's for sure.

Pud pud.

Allie says, we may or may not be equally as bad

influence on each other.

Like last week, we ate four blocks of chocolate.

Yeah.

Some chocolate could be there.

She would have opened that hat a row

and then said, take this away from me.

Yeah.

Which is classic.

Get this away from me.

And then five minutes later, be like.

Oh, you hear the fridge open.

You're like, oh, can you grab me a slap?

Can you grab me a slap?

Yeah.

Are you getting out of the row?

I have another row.

Should have just left it on the couch.

Ever a pee say.

Oh, you get up.

I get up and I'll wrap up a bag of chips

and I'll go to put them away.

And it'll be like, uh-uh.

That's all the next you see.

Like, where are you taking those?

I'd love to blame someone, says Rebecca, but it's all me.

We both have our bad diet habits,

but I can't blame him for all of them.

And that seems to be the common theme is everybody.

Yeah, totally.

Everybody being like, yeah, they're bad, but I mean, come on.

It's also just nice to like go home

and eat a nice meal with your partner

and sit down and have a cuddle.

I'm not a goose in a foie gras factory.

You know, like, I know, I know what's going into my mouth.

My mouth isn't being hiled open

and chocolate being pumped into it.

I carry a set of foie gras.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Play ZM's Fletch for the Naly.

Play ZM.

Well, I've got bad news.

Climate change is coming for you.

Oh, no.

For your alcohol.

Oh, sorry.

I was like, God, is it, is it coming?

It's here.

Now, Vaughn, particularly bad news for you

because you're a huge whiskey drinker.

You love your whiskey.

Whiskey is going to become extortionate in pricing.

Oh, I don't like hearing that.

Oh, no, I was going to say you already like a nice whiskey,

but you aren't opposed to a bloody Jameson's

or a teacher's or a bloody whatever.

Which are very nice whiskeys.

What are you talking about?

And when you go through...

It's not your bloody laflolks.

Oh, it's not like, yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah, but you can't be buying that

when you go through it as fast as he does.

No, exactly.

So, bear brewers.

That's a treat.

So, across the board when it comes to booze,

bear brewers, fair grain shortages and rising temps

will make hops more bitter.

So, bear, bear they reckon will become blander and more bitter.

Bland and bitter?

God, no one tell Wellington they'll be beside themselves.

It's half of their identity.

A study of Bordeaux suggests that climate change

could actually improve French wines.

So, that's some good news there.

Is that Prosecco?

Is that our Prosecco?

Yeah.

That's French?

No, that's Italian.

Italian.

Same area.

Same Europe.

Spirits are likely to get more expensive.

No, thank you.

Obviously, like we said with whiskey,

grain shortages and also water scarcity.

I'm all right, thank you.

But thank you for offering.

And yeah, you reckon wines could get sweeter

while others will become poisoned

with the ashtray flavour of wildfire smoke taint.

What a sentence.

Ashtray.

Was that wildfire and taint?

Cause I won't drink something that tastes like taint.

I don't want a taint flavoured wine.

It's wildfire taint.

Oh.

So, there's the arsehole of a wildfire taint like that.

Very dusty.

Very burnt.

Like your burnt toast.

Wow.

You can scrape that off.

Yeah.

It's not staining.

I don't know.

What are we going to drink?

What's good?

What's staying?

It's just going to say pals,

but that's again, that's your spirits

and that's going to be affected.

What's sugary drinks again?

And the lime.

That already tastes a bit like taint.

Taint.

Yeah.

It's too sweet taint.

Pals too.

Sweet taint.

Or is that the new beige one?

Taint.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes.

Vodka, yuzu and taint.

I didn't want to want the new beige.

But it'll have to be like,

you know how it's like Hawks Bay oranges.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

You'll have to be like New Plymouth Taint.

New Plymouth.

Wow.

Oise, soy beans and New Plymouth Taint.

Yes.

Soy beans and New Plymouth Taint.

That's a hell of a, I mean, they, you know,

I think when you're the leader of the RTD game,

you got to take some risks.

Yeah, exactly.

And this I would say their new flavor is a big risk.

Because you know you'll never be better

than a smirnoff double black.

Ice cold.

Ice cold, baby.

Play.

Zed Eames, Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

From the self-driving ZM think tank,

this is the top six.

Well, my mom is taking her mom to Thames,

I believe it's pronounced Thames.

Yeah, it is.

Thames.

Very posh today.

And she said, I will be in the car at some stage

during your show.

So should we now listen to it or not?

Out.

Like, what are you doing?

I was like, Jesus, I don't even know what's happening

pretty much before it happens.

So I can't tell you, but maybe not.

I don't know, whatever you want.

So I thought today's top six could be the top six things

Marlene would like to hear us talk about.

Okay.

My nan, if she was to listen to the show.

My papa, he's very insular.

But every time I go and see him, he's like,

now when's that station you work for?

We're going to start playing music I like.

Aw.

Which is amazing.

Nipper.

Let's see.

I don't know, he's passed away now,

but I think he'd love Doja Cat.

Yeah.

10, 10.

Oh, look at the cat in the eyes.

What I said.

He would have been like,

I like that one, that's catchy.

Ah, all right, the top six things

Marlene would like to hear us talk about.

Number six, some in-depth coverage

of the Warriors off-season.

And it is 2024 really going to be our year.

Well, it wasn't this year, was it?

It was close.

Well, man, it felt like our year, guys.

But it wasn't our year.

It wasn't our year.

She loves the Warriors.

Yeah, she does.

Number five on the list of the top six things.

My Nan would like to hear us talk a bit on the radio.

Some restaurants that don't want to put coriander,

spice, rocket, bloody lettuce, pepper,

and shiitake mushrooms on everything.

Although she'd call them shiitake mushrooms.

She will say it as she sees it.

Yeah.

And that says shiitake.

Rocket lettuce, very nutty in there.

It is.

I don't like rocket.

I don't like it.

It's your iceberg.

Rocket's my number one.

Have we final ranked lettuces?

I don't think maybe we should.

See you on Friday.

I don't like chargrilled romaine.

Yeah, chargrilled romaine's like beautiful.

But Rocket number one for a sale.

I just rather have fries, to be honest.

Oh, yeah, if we're going to go with spinach or fries.

Who's picking spinach for fries?

Will we be allowing spinach?

Should we do leafy greens?

Leafy greens, let's rank leafy greens on Friday

for final rankings.

Oh, mescaline or whatever it's called can get out.

On a mescaline, is that the one that's nothing in yuck?

No, no, no, that's rocket.

Sometimes rocket's in because it's in mescaline like a mix.

Yeah, we'll talk more about this one.

Friday for a long weekend.

I'm not talking about leafy greens.

Penciling them for some other time.

No, we're talking about leafy greens.

We're not wasting leafy greens for a start on a Friday.

That's not a day for leafy greens.

Well, when we only rank on Fridays, I'll see you there.

We'll see you there.

Look, prepare yourself.

Number four on the list of the top six things.

Marlene, my nan, would like to hear us talk a bit

on her trip to fame today on the radio.

Why baristas won't give her a flat white

at the same temperature as the sun?

I want it extra hot.

Extra hot.

They love a hot coffee, don't they?

They love the hottest coffee.

You know why?

I've kind of got this figured out.

My mom, if it's too cold, my mom will drink it too quick

and she's paid money for it, so she wants it to last.

Yeah, right.

And honestly, there's a reason my mom like,

I'll burn the coffee though.

Hot as the sun itself.

Number three on the list of some of the top six things.

My nan, would like to hear us talk about on the radio.

Some bloody opinions that aren't afraid

of offending woke lefties.

Yeah, that's right.

So afraid of offending the woke lefties.

Oh, yeah.

Number two on the list of the top six things.

My nan, would like to hear us talk about on the radio today.

Ram raids and why those bloody kids aren't either at home

getting a hiding from mum and dad or in jail forever.

Maximum security.

Are we still ram raiding?

I don't know.

I mean, I personally, you say we.

I wasn't even ram raiding.

Yeah, I haven't for ages.

And number one on the list of the top six things.

My nan, would probably like to hear about on the radio

and who drove through her appointment today.

What horse races are happening today and tomorrow

and where they're happening and what horses are playing,

what for a win or a place.

And I'd also like some quinella and some trifecta.

Yeah, for me, yeah, yeah.

We're not talking about that on the radio.

That's never going to work.

A radio station with the horse races.

We could do a horse segment.

Which track, which track are we at today?

Where are we?

Scratchings the lot.

The old people would love it.

Everybody else would.

That is today's top six.

Play.

Apparently, no, because I always feel like

we equate eating dinner early with either people

with really young kids or old people.

Oh, they love a five.

They love a five.

I eat dinner at like.

Yes, but you get up at four o'clock in the morning, you know,

like your whole day's shuffle.

Yeah, I mean, you have lunch at like 1030 sometimes.

I'm having dinner at like four, four thirty, five.

Sometimes 10 a.m. is having a catering platter of sushi,

isn't it?

Yes, yes, yes.

Or to himself.

They say, are you, is this for a staff meeting?

Yes.

When he gets his sushi and he's like, this is one man's sushi.

They're like, oh, is that for the whole NZ May?

All the radio stations and the Herald and everything else?

I'm like, no, no, that's just me.

Just me.

One man spends a thousand dollars a day on sushi.

I'll never understand.

Yeah, a thousand dollars a day.

I don't think so.

Well, apparently, eating early is on the rise

with Gen Z's millennials.

We're loving it.

We're coming on board with the 5 p.m. dinner reservation.

So a lot of this is from America,

but a lot of restaurants are claiming

that the reservations for five, five, thirty

have been like huge and the reservations for eight p.m.s.

Even in New York City that never sleeps are on the decline.

Really?

Yes.

So people are just loving it going to be a dinner early.

America lives a late life.

Like their prime time TV hours aren't tall.

Eight or nine, yeah.

And all their talk shows come on at like 11, 11.30 at night.

Yeah.

I've never watched them.

Because even when I worked like afternoons,

I'd still be in bed by like 11.

Yeah.

10, 30, 11.

Yeah, yeah.

So the reason they think this has happened

is due to the new kind of hybrid work set up,

working from home, working from the office.

Right.

More flexible to like, because if you're working in town,

five p.m. finish, get home, shower, change, get ready.

Oh, you wouldn't just stay in town and go straight out.

Well, I mean, sometimes, I don't know, I'm just hypothesizing here.

And then by the time you get out, you're like,

well, if I finish work at five, seven's probably a good time

to meet for din.

Whereas they're going, people can knock off early,

leave the house a lot earlier than before

because they're already home when they finish their work day,

head out for a five.

So you just go straight out the door, get ready and go.

Plus, when you're all cooped up in your house all day,

the thing, you know, it's nice that you immediately like,

oh, I want to leave.

I've got to get out of here.

Let's go have early dinners.

That's why I can't understand that people want to work from home.

I mean, I guess the commute, if you had a big, massive commute

for two hours a day.

It's so triggered by the idea of working at home.

Oh, it was awful.

I hated it.

But then the, I mean, you get invited to dinner sometime

and they're like, it'll be 7.38.

You're like, I'm not coming.

Normal friends, they're like, we've booked for eight.

And I'm like, eight.

Booked the Uber home?

For eight?

Are you kidding me?

If I'm having an eight o'clock dinner,

I've got to have a 5 p.m. schnayak,

which turns into quite a big cheese board.

Yeah, if it's going to be an eight.

Yeah.

And I'll get my fill as well at five.

Yeah.

And then you're barely nothing at eight.

That's because they save money when you go out.

Yeah.

I love it.

I just bloody love it.

And then you're done.

And then you're like, shoot.

Well, I guess I'll brush my teeth and go to bed.

Or get home and have a tub of ice cream.

Yeah.

That too.

Nice, beautiful segue.

Oh my God.

Do you see how I literally spiked the ball?

No, you did too much.

You spiked it and he did it.

You didn't spiked the ball.

You hit it at the net.

No, you let the ball.

You hit it at the net.

He let the ball drop.

No, the ball didn't drop.

You just spiked it straight in.

And then it hit the net and then fell on the ground.

Not even Haley hasn't even been doing this long.

But watch us.

Watch us.

Or less spiked.

No, less spiked.

I will give the same amount of spiked.

Less spiked.

Haley, let's show Vaughan how it's done.

No, you said you had dinner at five o'clock.

And then I'll give you the bit of spiked.

OK.

You have dinner at five o'clock.

It's amazing.

You're done.

And then maybe even get home and have a tub of ice cream.

Oh, my God.

Speaking of ice cream.

You've just shadowed over me there.

The bit is what you've done.

Then get home.

And I know you might be a peckish.

What could there possibly be to eat?

Oh, that's so, to lead a horse to water.

Jesus.

That's me.

That was just now.

Now you're sitting again.

Please don't speak over a woman again either.

Thank you.

I don't know who you identified as such.

I do a lot of times.

Thank you.

On behalf of us too.

Thank you.

Let's do this again.

Clean.

OK.

Just stay out of it, Vaughn.

OK.

I'll stay out of it.

OK.

So you have dinner at five o'clock.

And then you're basically done with the day.

Maybe get home.

Have an entire tub of ice cream.

Funny, Fletch.

Next, I want to talk about ice cream.

Because TipTops made a wild move that's going to upset all

of us.

There's too much.

Stay tuned next for shocking ice cream news.

See, that was really good, Vaughn.

Why didn't you do that?

I got your world.

Play.

ZM's Fletch won in Hailey.

Well, I mean, screw Halloween.

I'm ready for Christmas.

I'm so ready for Christmas.

Talking with my whanau about Christmas plans,

what we're doing.

Already thinking about gifts, a.k.a.

I'm not doing it this year.

Well, it's getting to that point of the year where

it's X amount of paydays.

Yeah, you're true.

Like, think about that.

I don't want to.

67 days away from Christmas.

Now, I mentioned yesterday I've never had a Christmas tree.

We've been doing our home and our extension.

And I was like, this is the house that I get my first ever

Christmas tree.

That's mine, not just my parents.

And I sort of mentioned that Aaron was sort of not really

commenting on that anymore, which is his way of sort of

slowly removing himself from the yes party and to a no party.

Well, a couple of things we need to address.

One, I said yesterday, I'm not sure whether to get a fake tree

or a real tree.

Vaughn promised me that the place that he gets his trees from

have really fluffy bushy trees.

Because when I think of a real tree, you know,

I think of those ones, he's getting the 90s,

and they're skinny and limp and they'd flop over,

and then you put a bobble on, and it goes...

We had one, one year, and Dad just bent the top over

because it was too tall.

Too tall, yeah.

Yeah, it didn't flop and carve.

And then Fletch was like, well, you know,

if you've got a fake one, you know,

they fluff a bit more if I'm going for that fluffy look,

and then you sent me a link to a really fluffy fake tree.

Well, because Instagram heard us talking.

And then started advertising, and because I sent it to you,

now all I'm getting is Christmas ads.

Yeah, I know, they hear whatever we're saying.

Oh my God, I'd hate it if they started advertising.

Jason Momoa nudes.

Jason, shirtless, Jason Momoa.

Like you need that advertised to you.

Click on your explore page.

Because he's nude.

Anyway, so now I don't know whether to go fake or real

because I'm worried, Vaughn, what if yours are lame?

What if they're lank?

I don't want lank.

Man, I'm insulted, you would say so.

Do you have evidence of the fluffiness of this tree?

I love the smell of the real tree.

It's so good.

Same, same, same.

And I'm also an eco-warrior, as you know.

Yeah, but you can't get them too early

because then they...

No, you want to get them last weekend of November,

first of December, first weekend of December,

and really, you got to water them, check the water daily.

All sorts of fun.

Yeah, I know.

Whereas like the fake one, it's just perfect

and you put in the garages, it's come out every year.

They're a real bore like to set up and take down, though.

Do you know what though?

If I get a fake one, Vaughn,

it means I can have one every year.

Whereas like, I don't want to have to have the conversation

every year with Aaron like, time to get a tree

and be like, ah, not this year.

You make a tradition.

I've already got it.

Yeah, new traditions, new traditions.

Of going and picking the tree

and you walk around the place I go

and you have a long bamboo stick

with a flag on the end

and when you've found your one, you put it up

and you wave it to you.

And then they come over to you on the motorbike

with their electric chainsaw

and they cut it down

and they put it on the trailer

and they said, meet you back at headquarters

and then you walk back,

all excited about your Christmas tree

and you get there

and you can get that wrapped thing around it

that makes it like all hold together if you want.

What does a Christmas tree cost?

They're not cheap.

No, okay.

Are they not?

But what does a fake one cost?

Well, if you want a really nice one,

there are a few hundred, eh?

Yeah.

How tall are you looking?

Well, I've got three metres stud.

Pause for applause.

Must be nice.

Oh, she's got a high ceiling.

Must be nice.

Must be cold.

Must be drafty in the winter.

Must be costly to build.

Hmm.

multiple partridges in my pear tree.

And then when you mix in some baubles

so it still looks Christmassy.

Yeah, yeah, so I've got some antique soldiers

because of the marching thing.

I've got a spiked kind of like what Madonna style thingy

and then birds and flowers

and I just need a couple of like base,

scattering baubles and lights and she's set.

So if Aaron rules out a tree,

you're just gonna have a box of decorations.

It's ready to pick up.

Put it outside.

You've got trees outside.

Put it in the orange tree.

Hon, I just bought like fabric flowers and feathered birds.

That was your silly fault for rushing in.

No, I'm not rushing.

It was very much my aesthetic.

But now I'm like, are the feathers and the flowers

gonna look better on a fake tree or a real tree?

This is my dilemma.

Well, Christmas is happening for you.

It's definitely happening.

When are you telling Aaron that you've purchased this?

I won't.

Just wait until he's away.

His brother just texts me FFS.

I think he might notice.

Matthew, keep your mouth shut.

If you know what's good for you,

Matthew, keep your mouth shut.

Don't you talk to your brother today.

Play Zeddy's Fletch for the Naili.

Play Zeddy.

Now, look, we've already talked about this,

I think last week, the majority of marriages these days,

I think 51, 52% end in divorce, right?

Yeah.

I've already been to, one, two,

only two weddings of friends that are now divorced.

But I'm in my early 30s.

I think they've been running at about a 50-50.

You were a 50-50 there for a while, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, really?

Yeah, of all the weddings I've attended.

That's why I'm being your,

because you're slightly older than me,

I feel like that's gonna happen.

Yeah, how does it?

Do you know what I mean?

And sometimes it's shocking.

You never see it coming.

Yeah.

What?

Yeah, that's just life.

Well, there was a woman who is quite mad,

because she went to three bachelorette parties

for her friend.

Three.

People are so extra.

Yeah, like, calm down.

People are so extra.

Three bachelorette parties,

numerous other events,

probably an engagement party in there,

probably, you know, dinner, the rehearsal,

dinner, the night before,

accommodation, da-da-da-da.

She reckons she shout out thousands

to be at her friend's wedding.

Yeah.

To be in her friend's bridal party,

you're paying for dresses, whatnot.

Mm-hmm.

The marriage ended in just two weeks.

Two weeks.

Wow, I wonder if it was the fact that

that woman had three bachelorette parties

that was the clue that she was gonna be a nightmare.

Yeah.

So two weeks after the wedding,

that she was like, ugh, oh my God.

And the friend is like,

well, this is really frustrating to me.

And the bride is really blasé.

She's like, ah, actually, you know what?

Like, it just was a mistake

and turned out to be a bit of a nightmare.

Well, and see, now she wants a refund

because the woman shouldn't have gone through

with the wedding in the first place.

Yeah, she said basically the guests funded a day

for her to feel like a princess

and it was never really about getting married.

She wanted the day to be like, oh,

and then was like, ah, probably not this guy, actually.

Two weeks.

Two weeks!

Yeah, and she was like, she's been like,

with her friends, laughing,

being like, oh, classic me to get divorced

within two weeks of getting married.

And everyone's like,

I've paid thousands to be part of this wedding

and she wants her bloody wedding back.

At least do the right thing and wait two miserable years

and then do it, you know?

Yeah, yeah, and also the friend is saying,

like, I kind of thought as well

that he wasn't the right fit,

but who am I to stop you?

Like, if you're like the one who's going,

I wanna get married, two weeks.

If you're breaking up two weeks after a wedding,

you know on the wedding day, it's not for you.

You shouldn't be doing it.

Yeah.

Trips to the UK for bottomless branches,

dress try-ons, lunches, hotel for the wedding

was $900 for a room to stay over,

plus every other expense wedding outfit, shoes, bags.

She's like, I want at least some of this back.

You had no intention of this wedding last night.

I count the friendship.

Yeah.

I dump the friendship.

Yeah, I don't wanna be friends with this loose-knit.

Yeah.

Anyway, because I have a friend many years ago

who got married and I think with,

they split four within four weeks of getting married.

That's still very close.

Oh yeah.

Like same thing.

Because that's a whirlwind after your wedding, like.

Totally.

Because it's been so much planning up to,

and then you do it,

and then it's just like this whirlwind

of the next few weeks.

Yeah.

And you might have a honeymoon as well.

Yeah, well, this was one of those weddings

where it was, the hope was the wedding

would kind of hold on to, you know?

But okay, they should have tried a couple of kids.

Does that save marriages, does that?

Famously.

If you're getting sick of each other,

just bring in new people to work.

Bring in more children.

By making them.

Yes. More stress.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The stress will bring you together.

Yeah.

We'll blow you to pieces.

If Farron and Ava had a bump in the right,

I'll be sure to get knocked up.

Yeah, why not?

Anyway, I mean, it happens.

I wanna know, maybe we'll get some calls

and some messages in.

How quickly was it over after the wedding?

Can you beat two weeks?

Can you beat four weeks?

Some people on the day.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Just go through with it and at the end they're like,

oh my God, this is terrible mistake.

We're not signing this.

Oh my God, imagine doing that thing and being like,

I love you so much.

I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

I do, I do.

And the eyes of the Lord are now pronounced.

You do, do, do, do.

Now we're gonna just go sign the papers.

Don't sign it.

What?

Don't sign this.

Do not sign it.

Move your hand.

They're watching.

Don't sign it.

We need to talk.

Oh my God, imagine.

Uncle Tanya pretend you're signing it.

Okay, always.

Let's take your calls.

I'll 800 Darls at Emma's number.

Call us now.

You can text through 9696.

Just how quickly was it over after the wedding?

This is, the people are wild.

People are bloody wild out there.

Wild stories coming in.

How quickly it was over after the wedding.

Yeah.

A lot of cheating.

God, I feel like we've all heard about us cheating recently.

My cousin was, this text message is in.

My cousin was with her fiance for nine years

before they got married.

They were divorced within five months.

It was one of those classic this, this and this

will change once we're married, but none of it did

because it was established behaviors.

Yeah.

Marriage is just a piece of paper

and a lot of debt, isn't it?

Hmm.

Oh God, I just heard myself.

Yeah, I can see why Aaron's not like running.

Yeah.

You need one of those clickers

if you want to change behavior.

And you speak to them with a firm voice

and when they do it,

they told you give a click and a treat.

And then eventually you stop giving the treat

and you just do the clicks.

No, don't do that to your partner.

And then they respond to the clicks.

It's somewhat manipulative.

Well, I'm pretty sure it works on dogs and partners.

What about the shock collar?

Does that work on them as well?

It really does.

Some people frown upon.

It's a bit frowned upon.

Hey babe, I'm just going out for a couple of drinks again.

Bzz.

It's like, what the hell?

I'm just going for a look at the shops.

Bzz.

Yeah.

Okay.

And that works both ways.

I'm just off to play golf.

You're not going to see me for, I don't know, the weekend.

And when I come back,

I'm going to be a hungover piece of shit.

Bzz.

Get inside.

You are not going to golf again.

Some other ones.

My mate of honour decided to wait till

just after the wedding to tell me

she was having an affair with my new husband.

Cut both of them off immediately.

So from wedding to time,

I've complete cut off under two months.

Oh, how could you stand at someone's wedding

when you're like a mate of honour

and you're sleeping with the groom?

Fell in love with my husband's best friend

a while before our wedding,

but suppressed the feelings he was best man

at the wedding on the night of the wedding.

I couldn't take my eyes or hands off him.

Oh.

Four weeks later,

we hooked up and have been together since

just going on 20 years.

I'm happy that you're together,

but there's a big, thick overlap there.

Yeah, big one.

Could you start a relationship with an overlap?

Someone when you were,

they were already with someone else,

because then would you always be thinking

that you could do this to me?

Yeah.

Yeah, you're starting in a place of like,

you are capable of this.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

I've been through this.

I don't, I'm not of the mindset

that once a cheater, always a cheater.

I don't really believe that.

My cousin got married the night of the wedding.

They had a pretty, pretty big fight

and it was pretty much over from there.

A guy I was groomsman for.

I was fighting in your wedding's day.

Yeah.

Oh.

Hmm.

Sad.

It's supposed to be lovely.

Yeah.

God, what happens when you don't have enough catering

at a wedding?

Hungry, hungry.

Get a little bit hungry.

Hungry, I'm in a tight dress.

Don't look at me with those little bellows.

Feed people up.

A guy I was groomsman for,

so the next day they started off on their honeymoon,

day three after they were married,

while they were away on the honeymoon,

it all fell to bits.

On the honeymoon, you're in a nice place.

You're in Fiji, darling.

Hey, darling, relax.

My cousin's marriage lasted six weeks

because it turned out the bride had got the hots

for the person that just taught them their wedding dance.

Oh, my gosh.

More like a hot, like, you know,

dance instructor.

Yeah.

I'm going to teach you how to do your wedding dance.

May I put my hand on the small of your back?

I don't know.

Let's see.

And now I pull your right in.

And we do the tango.

Oh.

Um, all some of these are long,

so you're kind of like,

how trashy is it going to get halfway through?

Yeah.

I've also heard stories like this,

where Bill is like, I think marriage,

you're going to solve all the issues

and they're having major problems.

And then they add on top of,

there already existing major problems,

organizing a very hard to organize event,

and a very, very expensive event.

So you're just chucking more piles of water on a fire.

Yeah.

And when it does come to a head,

it often happens straight afterwards

when it clocks over.

Did you read this one?

Day after the wedding.

At the barbecue the next day, always a barbecue.

I never go to the barbecue.

I don't go to the barbecue.

I don't want to go to the barbecue.

Not unless there's beautiful, beautiful food.

I don't want this kids there.

I'm more than likely going to be hungover.

Enjoy your barbecue.

It's out of the way.

Yeah.

I'm going to be just pottering around whatever town I'm in.

Yeah.

The day after the wedding, at the barbecue,

everyone had a few drinks.

So the bridal party was staying the night with the groom,

the groomsman.

The groom found the bride snuggled up with his best man.

They used to be together years earlier, had broken up,

but were still friends and the new couples, blah, blah, blah.

And the spark was there the next day.

And it was a very big expensive wedding.

Next day, you literally at your own barbecue.

How many drinks do you have to have to be like,

this is all right?

Guys snuggled up.

People are there.

Wild.

Mm.

Play Zedem's Fletch Born in Haley.

Tomorrow, the Fletch Born in Haley live show

at Sky City Theatre.

Haley's version.

There'll be a live performance of a new song

to Doja Cat's Paint the Town Red.

That's right.

I'm not going to tell you what it's about

because you've got to leave some things to tease.

And if it goes down well on Thursday, perhaps.

If it goes down well.

I will treat the rest of our listeners to it on Friday.

Yeah.

Only if they demand it, though.

I'll just sit here and wait.

Oh, my God.

So this whole live show thing is tomorrow.

And I'm just like, I don't know, it's just kind of,

I know it's happening, but it's tomorrow

and there's going to be so many people.

Like when we do the radio show, it's just us in the room

and we can see the producers and that's it.

Yeah.

But there's going to be like a massive crowd of people.

Yeah.

And you are just laughing it out.

I am for-izzing about it.

And I'm just like.

No, it's so much fun.

The energy you get from a crowd, it's going to be amazing.

We're just going to have a blast.

Right.

Well, there is some horrific sexism that we need to discuss.

This is ridiculous.

No, I nearly, I just nearly swore.

I nearly said F-U, sir.

I nearly said F-U.

I just got asked.

I asked you.

I offered.

I don't fit anything from moochie.

I know.

I didn't say from moochie.

It's a moochie.

Yeah, I'm not wearing moochie.

So you have swore for the girls.

What are you guys wearing was what we were asked about it.

I know.

I don't know.

Jen's in a nice t-shirt.

No, I suggested a shirt.

I suggested a shirt.

Why don't do shirts?

But you're at the Te Atra darling.

I never wear a shirt.

You're on a big, beautiful stage.

But at times you do wear a shirt.

You look lovely, both of you.

When have you seen me wear a shirt?

You haven't.

We went to the pie awards and you wore a tuxedo.

Yeah, but I'm not wearing a suit.

I've done a line in a suit.

We're sitting down a lot on a couch.

I'm not wearing a suit.

You wear shirts without suits.

Vaughn?

Yeah, you wear a linen shirt.

When do I wear a linen shirt?

I've seen you in a linen shirt.

On your island.

On television.

Yeah, that doesn't count.

That wasn't my choice.

They were like, really?

And that's why that show got cancelled,

because I looked so uncomfortable the entire time.

It did.

It did that.

And the terrible host.

Because I got drunk and I told them.

You got drunk with the commissioner at TVNZ.

And I gave him a piece of my mind.

Anyway.

And then just coincidentally, the show didn't get renewed.

Maybe that's a coincidence.

This is an off-air.

Maybe Haley Kastar's.

That has somehow made it on-air.

Look, the thing is, I've got a relationship with Moochie.

I'm a Moochie girl.

I love them.

I love Moochie.

And they've been dressing me for a few on-air things

and television jobs recently.

And when they saw the Fletch Born in Haley live show,

they messaged me and said, we would

love to dress you for the show.

Why has no one messaged Vaughn and I?

This is sexism.

I've just been sent some new 65-year anniversary red band

gumboots.

And I'm wearing them.

You can't.

They are crisp.

They are fresh.

They've got no fucking clue on them.

It doesn't matter how fresh they are.

And I said to Shada.

She's like, Shada said, what's in the box?

And I said, it's Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

Weird movie reference.

I said, what's in the bag?

What's in the bag?

And I said, the shoes that I'm wearing to the live show.

And I flicked them open and they are red bands.

And she's like, you absolutely cannot.

And I was like, well, now you've cemented it.

I will be.

I kind of feel like it would suit you to wear a swan

dry and gumboot.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

How hot is the cinema?

How hot is this movie place?

What is it?

Sky City Theater.

It's a beautiful theater.

It's not little.

How does it get hot on the stage?

You'll get a little bit hot.

There goes the swan dry.

I once was on that stage doing a show.

And I was so hot.

And I was sitting at a desk.

And I had to get cans of sparkling water

and put them between my legs to help me cool down.

I was really hot.

Get some ice packs.

I did.

This was like, it was a seven days live or something.

And I had to like, jam in these things.

Because we went to Mochi.

And Mochi was like, we'll dress the girls as well.

Because the producers are going to be on stage.

So the three of us, Winner, we got all dressed up.

Well, producer Jared doesn't need to worry about this.

Because I've put in a special request

that he wears Minion outfit.

Yeah, but if you guys get hooked up with some clothes,

can I get hooked up with some Minion clothes?

Jared, no, you can't.

Just to paint the picture.

The girls are looking hot.

There's no store.

Yeah, man.

Well, just I don't know, log on to NZ Minions.

Hey, guys.

And we're really over in Minions.

Another Minions outfit for our producer.

You've already got your dungarees.

You've got the goggles and you're looking like great.

Are you wearing the goggles in the yellow beanie?

I can wear the goggles in the yellow beanie.

OK, we're going in costume.

We're going in costume.

We're not going in costumes.

Should we be Minions?

Well, you should wear be Gro again.

I'll be a Minion if you're Gro.

No.

You guys, I'm wearing like a silk set.

It's like a shirt pant, like an elevated pajama.

Right.

Right, with a full hair.

We're getting full hair and makeup.

I could wear this green t-shirt, but it's got a permanent stain.

You've got a mark on a pond.

It's got a permanent stain.

I said to you that our makeup artist, Shari,

would be able to source you guys a lovely shirt from Barker's

or some other sponsor.

I don't want a nice shirt.

It'll be too nice.

I said when I got to Moochie, they said,

what do you want to wear?

And they bring out these.

And I said, well, I'm going to be sat next to two absolute casual

farmers.

That's cancer.

The live show is cancer.

But if we can't come to some sort of agreement, guys,

I'll pull the plug right now.

I'll pull it.

I'll pull the plug.

Don't cancel this.

I'm all hiked up for some attention.

T-shirt, yeah, Haley is actually needing the attention.

I'm all geared up.

If I don't get it.

Yeah.

Everybody with tickets will get a full refund.

No, absolutely.

You can wear jeans and a nice t-shirt.

Well, to the people that are able, who got the tickets,

who are excited to see us tomorrow,

just one of us on the main couch is going to look really,

really nice and swish and good and put in a lot of effort

as you would do for the theater.

And two of us are going to look a little bit cash.

And I'll be wearing whatever EB Games has on the parents'

rack because I love going there and buying a Pokemon shirt.

I'm calling your wife.

I'm literally calling Shadow.

I'm not sharing my bests.

Red bang gumboots, comfy jeans.

That's me, baby.

We were a confusing moment in the group chat yesterday.

The work group chat where things get organised.

And we just chat all day long.

Yeah.

You said that like that was a bad thing.

Aaron's always like, don't you guys spend enough time together?

I was like, the chat pops all day.

Always on, always on, always on.

Some things work-related, some things humor-related,

some things, hey, look at me, I'm in my backyard-related.

I sent that video over the cat.

My neighbor's got a cat.

I sent that and that.

All I saw when you did that was your neighbor talking to you

and you completely ignoring your neighbor and patting the cat.

I was multitasking.

You had a terrible job at it.

I was multitasking.

Terrible job at it.

Let's take a video.

What time did this start?

It was early afternoon.

It was 3.30?

So a couple of days ago,

you got an email from someone that works in PR at the National Party.

I know I got a text from someone I used to work with.

Yeah.

Yeah, saying, do you want to interview Christopher Lux?

Christopher Luxton.

And I politely, because we made the decision

for the election, we're not doing any politics

because any time you have anyone on from any party,

you get 4,000 messages and it's just not fun.

We just want to have a laugh.

It also wasn't everyone's favorite election.

So we were like, let's just be the escape from it all.

Yeah.

And so I was just like, look, soz, but not this time.

We're not talking to anyone.

Probably the reason Labour last, actually.

We kept mum left.

Yeah.

This is the sort of thing you get anytime you talk about anything political.

It's us, we did it.

So I politely declined that.

Well, I think you completely ignored it.

Yeah, that's a polite decline.

And also they were offering you a spot,

offering you him to pop in at a radio station

we worked at over 10 years ago.

Yeah.

So I politely declined by ignoring it.

Then Jared and our old producer Anna,

who left coming up two years ago,

got an email offering the same thing,

a chat with Prime Minister Olet Christopher Luxon.

And that that email came to Jared and he said,

I've just got this email and that was at about three o'clock yesterday.

Cowan.

It was you.

It was Cowan.

The next message is Cowan going effort.

Let's get him on.

Ha, ha, ha.

And Jared said 8.15 tomorrow morning and Cowan says Perth.

Now, we perfect.

We always make a joke about 8.15

because we always when something funny happens in our day,

we always goes, guys, 8.15.

I've got something 8.15,

which means I've got a hot bit of something.

So when Jared said 8.15, I was like, straight up,

that's the tone of joking.

That's funny.

Yeah.

Let's get Jared says, Primo, I'll flick your email next time.

And then he said, Luxon locked in 8.15.

Yeah.

And it was so quick, it was like that's so funny

as if you locked it in there quick.

And I said, wait a minute, are we f-ing around

because we just spent months not talking about politics?

Yeah.

And Jared said, I didn't think so.

And Haley said, wait, hang on, I thought this was a gag.

And Fletch said, I can't wait to see Drillum

if he actually believes dinosaurs existed or not.

Feeling?

Yeah, there's an empathy.

He's feeding on the gag vibe here.

He's gagging, he's gagging, he's gagging.

Then Haley's like, oh my God, it's raining so heavy at my house.

We can get into that.

Distraction.

Then I'm like, look at this photo.

I just took a little isolated shower from the gym window.

That's, everyone I've showed that photo to has been impressed

by the isolation of the shower.

See, now I've distracted the group chat

and I've hooked in Vaughn into my distraction.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's get back to the business.

And Jared said, wait a minute, was it Bance?

I didn't read it in a Bance tone at my head.

And Haley said, oh my God, I love this so much.

I think referring to the picture of my reign.

And then she said, wait a minute, is this happening?

And I said, yes, I just took the photo.

And she's like, no, the Luxon thing.

And then Jared's like, is everybody across?

And then puts in the Tild.

Now the Tild, I use with close friends in a group chat.

Jared's in, it's the sarcasm Tild.

You put it before a statement.

I see, I've never heard that.

It's heavy sarcasm.

And he said, I'm not blaming anyone but myself,

but I just think the Tild makes it easier.

And then everyone's like, oh my God, sorry.

And Fletcher's like, wait a minute.

Wait, are we joking?

Are you joking or not?

And Haley said, I'm not sure if we're joking.

I'm out because I'm trimming hedges, baby.

I'm doing some manual labor.

I come in, there's 100 new chats.

There's voice notes and everything.

Jared's like, I misread the situation.

I booked him in.

Wait till you actually booked in.

The Prime Minister elect for now on the radio show today.

Yeah, I booked him in within like three minutes.

It was the fastest I've ever moved in my life.

Like amazing, to be fair, amazing producing from your side.

I mean, well done.

The speed in which you locked this in.

You're off the clock, baby.

Yeah, I know.

Look, it never stops.

Never stops.

Always working.

And so obviously at this moment, we're like, absolutely not.

Because Jared's seen a little voice member being like,

hey guys, this is on me.

I totally misread the tone.

I've locked him in.

I'll pop an email just to cancel that.

Now, he's doing a lot of media rounds today.

And apparently this was the only window he had for us.

So Jared said, unfortunately, at that time, we're very busy.

With this break, you are hearing right now.

And then Jared threatened us saying,

Luxon's going to be in the building.

If he hears this shit banter in place of an interview with him,

he's going to be deeply offended.

I'm never going to get knighted.

No, you're never going to get an eye hood on.

For services to gaming.

You're never going to get it.

He gets no say in that.

Prime Minister gets no say in who gets those.

Really?

Now, see, during this time, OK.

You're back on for a knighthood.

You're back on.

See, during this time.

Sarcasm tilled.

You're back on for a knighthood.

We're being sarcastic.

Because as is.

Now, during this time, right, I'd

sent Perth jokingly and then popped

on to a very important Zoom call.

So I wasn't seeing any of these messages.

And then I get a personal message from Jared.

And it says it's a gif.

And I go, that's weird.

And it's little gif being like, um.

And so then I was like, wait, what?

Because usually, if we're going to book something like that,

and it's gone to Jared instead of me,

Jared will be like, here's Carlin.

She'll sort you out.

So I didn't think he was going to like it.

He's dealing with the new Prime Minister in high demand.

He's actioning quickly.

He's going, I can't miss this.

Can't let the ball slip.

Exactly.

And I appreciate that crap producing, as we've said.

But read the time.

Read the time.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll put a little squiggly line in front of that.

Yeah, let's put a little squiggly line in front of that.

We're going to use the sarcasm tilt.

This is where a lot of things are lost in the text base.

Yeah.

You're going to get hit at the tone of the voice.

So sarcasm tilt.

This is actually just a great break

to tell everybody about the sarcasm tilt.

Start of the sentence.

Yeah.

Always a start of the sentence.

Play.

Zedim's Fletch one and Haley.

Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

And a stamp or philatelist week.

Philatelist.

That's a stamp collector, a fan of stamps.

I don't know if Haley and I have been completely on board with stamp week,

but you've been receiving a lot of correspondence from philatelist.

It's one of those ones, the people that are phalanges.

Phalanges.

Yeah, phalalanelics that are into it are into it.

So I've been getting emails.

I got an email yesterday from Daniel who works for phlalic distributors.

Okay.

A new plummeth.

Oh, beautiful.

A new plummeth.

We love new plummeth.

You love new plummeth.

And he said, great work on stamp week.

Oh, great.

Well, you know what?

I'm happy for things to not always be for me or about me for five minutes of each day.

Now could you explain that to Fletch?

Five minutes of each day.

Sorry, I don't comprehend.

He Fletch doesn't comprehend.

I'm not computing.

Non-comprende.

Sorry.

See, puppy, non-comprende.

He said, if you're seriously going to do stamp facts a week,

I've got a couple of good ones from Ryan and Al Tiro in New Zealand.

The first is, I heard you talk about the world's most expensive stamp.

Well, what about New Zealand's most expensive stamp?

Well, my God, what about it?

Because the most expensive New Zealand stamp.

And then he sees some brackets without getting technical,

although I wouldn't mind if he got technical.

It is the 1949 HMS Vanguard stamp.

It was a stamp that was made for a royal tour of New Zealand

that was cancelled at the last minute and till it never happened.

Because of COVID.

OK.

Yeah.

King George got sick.

The Queen's father got sick.

I learned this when I was.

Was he the stuttering one?

Yes.

Yeah, the King's speech.

The King's speech one.

Correct.

Great history.

Good knowledge.

Well, I also learned that they had all this stuff,

sort of a government house for this visit that never happened.

Right.

Because of course, when a royal visit was happening back in the day,

the preparation was, you know, years in the making.

Oh, yeah, you don't use your bloody Kmart cutlery.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Everything was made especially for it.

And there was like these chairs that were a government house

that were made by the mareses from around New Zealand.

Your Kmart chip plates sort of had to be replaced for the Queen's visit.

Oh, my God.

I like to keep it real.

Not even good enough for us, let alone the King.

Those also weren't Kmart plates.

Those were Briscoe's plates.

Oh, right.

They had real Kmart energy just because of all the chips.

So I'm always now, well, we've got the plates.

I'm seeing how long they last.

Yeah, totally.

It's a different game now.

One's got a visible crack through it.

And I'm like, how many more dishwash?

How many more go through the dishwasher are you going to get?

Your wife has still not invited Haley and I back for any kind of dinner.

We've literally never been invited back for dinner.

Ever since we mentioned the chip plates.

We were actually cleaning the pool the other day and the girls were helping me.

Yeah.

And they pulled a cork out of the pool and they held it up and they were like,

another sign from the night that Haley and they came

and then walked inside and they were like, guess what?

We just found and held up a cork and shut it.

I looked in and she looked confused and they were like,

we all know where this is from.

Do they have Rufino on it?

Rufino cork.

It was multiple reasons you're not getting invited back.

So the stamp was made for the royal tour that was cancelled at the last minute.

It never happened.

So then the post office is like, destroy those stamps.

Oh, why?

Which they were apart from a few that a guy in charge of the destroy

and then took them home and popped in his pocket.

But why couldn't you just use them?

Because I guess it was just the pomp and ceremony of it was going to be released

on the day they arrived and the vanguard was the ship they were coming on.

And there was another in the set.

There was the who became the queen, Princess Elizabeth at the time

and her sister, who was Mary Kate.

Mary Kate and Ashley, that's it.

That's who she's Margaret, right?

Margaret and Elizabeth.

Yeah, because this oldest daughter's Anne.

Yes. Yes, right.

So I haven't seen those seasons of the crown.

So I'm a little bit behind, guys.

The best one is also just history.

Hon, it's not just a TV show.

It's crazy.

Mary Kate and Elizabeth also go to Paris.

Yeah, it actually really.

Yeah, we heard about the crime.

Are they going to have a ghost of Princess Diana in the next season?

Mary Kate dies in the tunnel.

No, Mary Kate's still alive.

It's the one that played the scarlet witch, the third Olson.

OK, OK.

The dive later on to catch up with the crown.

Yeah, with these royals.

So the the vanguard, the HMS Vanguard Stamps.

They had Netflix in 1945.

Only the rich people.

Yeah, but it was the ones we had to email.

You get a DVD sent to you in the past.

OK, and then you had to go to the cinema to see.

Right, OK.

So the guy that was in charge of destroying them took them.

Sneaky buggy.

Hence, there's only a few ever in charge of destroying something.

Always keep a copy because there's always keep a few.

Always keep a copy.

The last one sold for sixty seven thousand eight hundred and fifty dollars.

Oh, wow. How much sixty seven thousand eight hundred and fifty dollars

for a New Zealand stamp. Seventy K. Yep.

That's ridiculous. That's good stuff.

On a stamp, just one stamp, one stamp.

Yes, not even a collection of stamps.

No, the one stamp HMS Vanguard.

All the flotatidists are like, who's laughing now?

Yeah, you laughed at us.

They didn't stamp. Who's laughing now?

And Daniel also said, if you ever do a trading card week, hit me up.

No, we're all good.

Thank you, Daniel. Your times.

Yeah, absolutely.

Full effects.

So we'd like to thank Daniel and the rest of the people there

and you plumber at the filiphthalophilic distributors.

Pythagoras theorems and whatnot.

Yeah, all of those guys are for that very interesting, locally homegrown

fact of the day that New Zealand's most expensive stamp was supposed to be destroyed.

It was a stamp of a ship that the king was supposed to come on and he never did.

And it lasts on for sixty seven thousand dollars.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah.

My beautiful mother, Patsy, lives in the wider upper,

which is about an hour over the Nemataka Hills

from Wellington, right?

Yeah.

And yesterday she called me and we were chatting

and I had her on speakerphone because I've got nothing to hide

from these boys in front of me. I've got nothing to hide.

We love Patsy. We love Patsy and she you.

Anyway, so I had her on the blower and she right.

And she was like, hey, oh, I'm just heading over the hill.

So I might cut out, Nick minute, like immediately cut out.

I said, that's all right.

She goes over the hill. You lose reception.

And then I think, Vaughn, you said, oh, what's she going over the hill for?

Meaning why should pop in over to Wellington?

Yeah, and over there for.

I was like, she's getting a haircut.

Why was she going?

Why is she going all the way over to Wellington?

Classic mum move to travel to a hair appointment

because they've got the hairdresser they like.

Yes. I was going to say, is it a hairdresser that she's always gone to?

My parents used to live in Wellington City.

Yeah. And so when they moved over the hill,

she kept her appointment with this hairdresser because she knows how she likes it.

My mum's like, she got real short, kind of rock and roll, shaggy hair.

I love it. Yeah.

And her hairdresser does it well.

But where they live, there are hairdressers.

Even she's not going to master.

She's going to meet them.

I'm sure they've got to just come.

She's going to sit.

Those are some up and coming spots with some funky hairdressers.

Yeah. No, I know, but she's got to carry them.

You know what I mean? She doesn't want to like she.

My mum doesn't want to look like an old lady.

Yeah. She doesn't want old lady short hair.

She wants funky, cool, cool lady.

She's kept her appointments.

What are the appointments that she's still got over the hill?

Well, she was having a little laser.

She gets a laser.

Oh, she wants to keep a nice and tidy. Good for her.

She is a funky mum.

She's got a hell of a set of legs.

It'll be such a shame to like go all the way up and have it ruined.

Beautiful set of trunks.

We don't want the legs.

I've always said about your mum, beautiful legs.

Got to be ashamed. I forgot to the top note.

Cubes.

Oh, she's going to hate this.

She's like...

I was going to say about everybody's mum.

She shouldn't feel sexual.

But also, my mum...

Your mum doesn't have cubes, actually.

Don't talk about my mum.

She's just outrageous to say out loud.

I've just never even thought about it.

I mean, who am I to say?

I've got her chat open and very soon,

I'm going to see a dot, dot, dot in there as she starts typing.

She also...

My mum has the same doctor she had when I grew up,

which is in Eastbourne, which is miles away.

It's like over the hill and then around...

So to drive from Wellington to my hometown of Eastbourne

is about 40 minutes.

So she's going over the hill and then ducking in through the hut,

driving all around the base to Eastbourne to see her doctor.

But same thing, she's like, I'm a woman.

I'm an older woman in her 60s now.

I'm not about to change doctors

when I've got this doctor that I love and trust.

You might end up having to go to the doctor, like, every week

when you get older.

Oh, it's good to go for a drive.

Oh, my God.

Nice to pop over the hill.

But yeah, you break something

and you have to go a couple of times in a week.

That's two trips to Wellington.

A lot of petrol.

A lot of petrol in the bloody Mercedes.

Anyway, pause for applause.

Pause for applause.

Not getting applause on the stage.

We're not applauded.

Pause for applause.

We're not applauded.

That's second hand, don't worry.

At least they know the wider that, but when it turns,

when we start eating the rich, I mean, where are we starting?

Yeah.

She's got no hair to cut off.

Beautiful legs.

Yeah, all beautiful legs.

We'll give it a start for legs.

Anyway.

No pubes to wear.

This is stop it.

Vaughn, have some respect.

Have some respect.

How would you like it if I started talking about your mother's pubes?

How about, I don't know her maintenance.

I'd never forget that information with her.

We want to know how far you or someone you know,

it's a real mum vibe.

Yeah, it is.

How far do you travel for an appointment?

Because you have your people.

Yeah.

Remember my doctor moved from Auckland to New Plymouth?

And I literally was like, I guess I'll just drive to New Plymouth.

How often do I need to see you?

Four and a bit hours each way.

And your pets here or whatever, everything else I can do over the phone.

I thought about it.

Already a message is coming.

And we want to hear, like, if you're the hairdresser that they drive to see.

Yes.

OK, well, are you that good?

Some wild stories coming through.

We're asking how far you travel for an appointment

because your mum, Hailey, the lovely Patsy.

Yeah, she travels over.

She drives over the Remitaka Hills from the Wighted Upper to Wellington

to get her haircut.

And then drives all the way back.

Drives all the way back.

And goes to the doctor in Eastbourne.

Goes to the doctor in Eastbourne in Lower Hart.

She gets it all done over in Wellington.

She just messaged me saying, what are you saying?

I'm getting messages.

Well, you should be listening, mum.

You should be listening to the show and you would die.

You try to decipher it from the DaVinci code of your messages.

Hannah, how far do you travel for an appointment?

So I'm a bit, I'm a bit crazy.

I have to admit, I travel from Hastings to Christchurch for my tattoo.

See tattoos, I get because it's an artist thing, right?

And they're so like, specifically, you like that artist

and it's on you for life.

I get that. Why not?

And it's already expensive.

Whereas it is.

It is.

And flying from Napier to Christchurch is not cheap.

Oh, yeah, actually, that doesn't make much sense.

Does it?

Oh, yeah, that's that's difficult.

You're not not the only one that's traveling.

Thanks, you're called Renee.

You brought your flights for what?

So I brought flights to Auckland to go get my eyebrows tattooed.

And I live in Papamola.

Yeah.

And then also the eyebrow tattoo artist lives in Wellington

and she flies to Auckland just to like service the girls all in Auckland

who want her.

She must be good.

The carbon footprint of your bloody eyebrows.

Eyebrows are integral to the face.

Yes, this was a year in the making appointment.

I booked a year in advance a year round.

How are the brows now?

They're looking good.

Girl, I don't have to do a damn thing to them the rest of my life.

I just feel like next time I'm washing out a yoghurt bottle for recycling.

I'm not going to be able to think of anything other than your eyebrows.

No, eyebrows are everything.

People say on women, here is everything eyebrows, everything good for you.

Well, I won't be scoffed at for burning my rubbish.

Renee, thank you, Sam.

Your mum drives everywhere for appointments.

Yeah, my mum's just like Kayleigh's mum.

We live in the wire effort and she drives to Wellington to

hear and then test doctors every appointment.

But she normally catches the pinch in a bus over.

So it's free. It's a good bus.

I've been running a bus over that hill.

It made me chunny.

Tight corners, every tight corners out of that.

But yeah, she like just will not shift.

Yes, she has her way, right?

And I know there are heaps of great people in the wanted upper,

but they've got their people we are wanting to know this morning

how far you travel for an appointment.

People aren't even going locally at all.

It appears so many people.

Well, yeah, what about that?

I'll support local campaign.

No, but it's like like your mum says,

there's someone's been doing your hair for so long, you trust them.

You know, they'll do a good job.

And so you just stay with them.

Yeah, why change?

Yona, how far have you gone for an appointment?

I've gone to New York City to get my hair coloured.

What?

And I see up and I've been doing it for over 10 years,

obviously due to Covid, I haven't been able to go.

But yes, this one lady, she's absolutely amazing.

And Haley, as you know, getting the perfect blonde is kind of hard.

It's hard.

But this woman's just got the right touch.

And yeah, I do have a friend locally that does keep my roots,

but this woman just is the next level perfection.

A wizard.

Yeah, so even during Covid,

when you got your hair blonde, it wasn't up to the New York standard.

No, no, it wasn't.

And I really, really miss it.

And I'm trying to organise another trip over

just to make sure I can get my hair the way I absolutely love it.

And this woman.

But do you do a holiday at the same time, though, or are you just there and back?

I do. Yeah, I have family over there.

So my mom's also a client of hers.

But yeah, so it's a holiday plus getting my hair done.

But yeah, main thing is that yeah, it isn't the amazing, amazing.

Yonah, thank you a lot.

A few messages about the finding someone that can do a good blonde.

Yeah, but Shari, Shari, my head is your nails up.

I'm a blonde specialist in Mount Monganui and I have clients

that travel every six to eight weeks from Fungamata Auckland, Gisborne

and some four to six monthly from Christchurch and in Wellington.

Jesus, you guys should try hydrogen peroxide.

No, I think you can say you should try balding.

He also would save you so much money.

Don't do that.

We think that.

But then you're constantly buying shaving blades and shaving cream.

It still doesn't add up to one-fifth of a ticket to New York.

I'm imagining for my entire life with that.

Nail technicians is another one.

People travel a long way to get their specialist nail technicians.

We moved to Whangarei from Auckland,

but we had already enrolled our newborn son

months before moving to Swimming Lessons in Ellersley in Auckland.

So when the time comes, we're just going to travel down every week

for a 30 minute session on Saturdays.

That's a no from me.

I think lots of people in Whangarei know how to swim.

Yeah, you'll quickly grow out of wanting to give your weekend up

for dumb kids and devours too.

Yeah, I bet.

Like if my kids don't make rep netball teams next year, the dreams are.

Yeah, cut them loose, yeah.

Unless you want to play club on a Tuesday night, knock seven out.

Get them into e-gaming or something that they don't have to leave house.

Yeah, sitting tree.

And he's been doing horse riding.

And I laugh every time she comes home from it.

Like she's got this glimmer in her eye like, it might happen.

I'm like, no, that's a bottomless pit of money.

That is you're not getting a pony horn.

Yeah, God, people are people frown upon it when you eat them

when they're bloody past it, don't they?

Like if Indy's like, I don't want to ride the horse anymore.

I'll be like, I'm cool.

Eat it. Yeah.

All right. I wouldn't say no.

Oh, so many messages in.

Yeah, so many.

Hedrus is, Hedrus is without a doubt the biggest one, the biggest one.

Here in Browse, I would say.

Yeah, Browse is a big one.

Doctors, because when you find your doctors,

you still want to stick to your doctors.

This has actually reminded me I do want to go to New Plymouth

for my next doctor's appointment.

You don't want to go to the doctors.

Well, one, I really like New Plymouth.

I know.

Two, they are not going to be asking these pesky questions like,

what's it for this weight?

What's it for this extra weight?

Your doctor's not going to ask you that.

No, no, but it's significant, isn't it?

I can't be bothered.

I'm off the pill now.

If I get pregnant, it's your fault.

Wait, whose fault? Mine?

No, not yours.

The systems.

See you, see you later.

Actually, I'm going to have to stop you there.

That's copyrighted.

Suri K, she was a very good friend of mine.

She's already sued me twice.

So if you could maybe get her to drop her litigious action,

that would be great.

Tell her I'll review her five stars.

Yeah.

If she does the same for this partner.

Yeah.

And then she tells all her friends.

And if you're listening, maybe give it five stars as well.

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