ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 17th October 2023
NZME 10/16/23 - Episode Page - 1h 18m - PDF Transcript
The ZM Podcast Network.
The Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley Big Pod.
Treat yourself to McAfay coffee with my MACAs rewards.
Good morning, welcome to the show.
Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley. It's two minutes past six.
Got a new skirt. Do you want to see it?
Yep.
It's black.
It looks exactly like all of your other black sacks.
Well, we've got...
Me and the Goolies went shopping.
I was going to say this for the first time.
Me and the Goolies have been shopping together,
but we went shopping yesterday at a moochie.
Because moochie is dressing us with Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Live.
That's nice.
Who's dressing Vaughan and Hayley for Fletch Vaughan and Hayley Live?
Well, we said, and I said with love,
they said, well, what do you want to do?
And I said, look, I'm going to be sitting next to two blokes,
who are going to be ultimate casual.
She's like, wow, casual, are we talking?
Probably jeans and a nice t-shirt.
Well, I've asked Olivia Rodriguez,
Rodriguez, Jesus, I've really clocked that up, haven't I?
Rodrigo's album for one of her t-shirts.
Yeah.
Jesus.
Just to be totally honest, I love the album.
It might be my album of the year.
The unexpected pop sleeper hits.
I know.
A big 90s influence.
You could have worn the bloody R.M. Williams
in a nice set of slacks.
Fletch, but...
Yeah, they don't have the R.M.s anymore.
Yeah.
For my R.M.s are too formal to pair with the jean.
They don't have a casual...
You could wear a suit, guys.
You could wear a suit.
Absolutely not.
It's a live show.
It's sitting.
It's sitting.
We're going to be sitting.
Even I wore somewhat of a suit for my solo show.
Yeah, but you were standing.
You were never sitting.
It's so uncomfortable sitting in a suit.
What's that?
Might have to get some fancy sponsorship,
like the girls have for Merchie.
Well, we can get it.
Why don't we just get barkers on board
and we'll get you in a nice, windy suit.
That won't be too nice.
It'll be too nice.
Well, what, A.S. color?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
That's more like it.
You can't beat it.
No, you can't.
Just all the classics.
All the classics.
Right.
The top six is coming up.
There is a story.
A lady went on a date with a man
and it was cheap oyster night.
Okay.
At this restaurant.
She ordered four dozen oysters
and proceeded to smash 48 oysters.
And that was just the order.
Far out.
Yuck.
I love oysters.
Me too.
Yuck.
Not 48 of them.
Not when it's like cheap oyster night,
because I'm like, why are they cheap?
Yeah.
I don't cheat.
Frozen.
Seafood's not something you cut corners on.
No.
So he abandoned the date.
He went to the bathroom
and he abandoned the date
after she pounded 48 oysters.
I've got the top six.
Alternatives.
That guy had to bounce it after 48 oysters.
Next on the show.
What else could he have done?
Play.
Good Ems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.
With like A.I. and online
and the interwebs and stuff,
you'd feel like places are moving further away
from a bricks and mortar shop.
Yeah.
Meaning, you know,
your storefront,
your actual physical shop
that you walk into
and purchase things from.
But Netflix of all people
are apparently in works to have a store.
Like a number of stores around America,
Los Angeles, New York.
Yeah.
Where they are going to sell things.
And everyone was like,
what is Netflix going to sell?
Like memberships.
Get a grip.
Yes, they're going to sell memberships.
But also,
they're going to offer food items,
merch and dice,
and different experiences
tied to Netflix shows and films.
So you could do like a stranger thing.
Yeah.
A.I. thing or something.
Yeah.
Or just all the stranger things, merch.
Yeah.
Merch from all the TV shows.
You could go and be a handmade.
Oh, who got that?
No, that's not even on Netflix.
No, that wasn't on Netflix.
No, that's it.
Oh, God, they wouldn't have
handmade stuff.
That's me on store.
Do you know what it is?
You, Wednesday,
sex education on Netflix.
Do you know what it sounds like?
Do you remember Planet Hollywood?
Yep.
That's exactly what it sounds
or a hard rock kind of vibe.
Yeah, yeah.
Like lots of stuff,
like shop merch.
I always really liked those.
I always really liked those.
Went once in every eighth blue moon.
I don't think I've been to a Planet Hollywood.
I've definitely been to a couple of hard rocks.
Are they still around?
Yes.
I don't think Planet Hollywood's are.
But it was a Planet Hollywood
on Queen Street.
The Flash building, right?
Yeah.
The movies.
You know that awful metro center
on Queen Street in Auckland.
How dare you?
It's the house is one of my favorite
places to train.
So there,
you know the round,
was it a Starbucks
and there used to be a BK downstairs?
Yes.
That round bit.
Yes.
On the corner,
that was Planet Hollywood.
Yeah.
And that was at the end of the 90s,
early 2000s.
Yeah, it was,
was it Sylvester Stallone,
Bruce Wallace.
A whole lot of Hollywood celebs
made this change.
I think this is before I started
coming to Auckland.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It went under pretty quickly,
I think.
But it was like that kind of.
We've got nothing to do with Hollywood.
So they still wanted
Planet Hollywood,
Las Vegas Resort and Casino.
But is that different?
I mean, it's the same name, so.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, same kind of vibe.
It was a lot of like movie
kind of stuff
in a fast food restaurant.
Was it a fast food?
It wasn't fast food.
It was a restaurant.
Burger is in fries and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
It was like a hard rock cafe.
Yeah.
So it'll be shit food
and you want to pay double the price for it.
Yeah.
So it'll be shit food, double the price.
Yeah.
Well, this is what it sounds like.
Stranger Things Burgers.
Netflix's vice president
of consumer products said
they're very confident.
We've seen how much fans love to
absolutely immerse themselves
in the world of movies and TV shows.
And so they want to take that
to the next level.
So yeah, I think you're right.
You spot on with what it sounds
like it's going to be.
God, we don't need
that kind of food again.
No.
You know, hard rock cafe.
I remember the worst
when I went to an Oslo in Norway.
Yeah.
And it was a hard rock cafe.
So expensive.
Just the worst food.
Yeah.
Like chicken wings and burgers
and stuff.
And it was like a hundred bucks.
Yeah.
And then there'd just be a cabinet
and they'd be like,
here's a guitar pack
from you too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cool.
Yeah, awesome.
Here's a drum stick.
Yeah.
My brother-in-law
and one of his best mates
worked there
and when it was in Auckland.
Oh, yeah.
And they've talked about
what Merch New Zealand had
and it was real shit.
Yeah, I bet.
It was like,
because they had to stack
towards with the good stuff.
Yeah.
Right.
So Merch New Zealand's
judge dread helmet
was in one of them.
And like,
you know,
all the actors that owned it,
the big,
the white singlet
that Bruce Willis
wore in
the first Die Hard.
Yeah.
And all that.
I think we had like
Arnie's bandana
from Predator.
Something like that.
And it probably wasn't even.
It was just
a two dollar show.
A camo bandana.
Awesome.
We'll look forward to that.
Play
Silly, Silly, Little Pole
Silly, Little Pole
It is so silly, silly, silly
that the Silly, Little Pole
Silly, Little Pole
Silly, Little Pole
Silly, Little Pole
Silly, Little Pole
Silly, Little Pole
A opinion was raised online
that flatmates who should be,
flatmates who work from home,
still working from home,
spend the majority
that might maybe pop in
for a half a day here or there.
Yeah.
Into the office,
but working from home.
Should they be paying
more rent?
Because,
and I guess utilities
because they're using
more power though,
they're all day.
But rent, personally,
I don't think so
because your
rent for however many hours
you're there,
just because you're sleeping
at your partner's
house four nights
of the week,
it doesn't mean you can
go home and be like,
guys, I've only been here
half the week.
Yeah, you don't
make clock in
and clock off, do you?
No, exactly.
I remember
when I flattered
and I lived
in a five-bedroom house
and there were usually
between five to ten of us there
and one girl was always there
because she worked funny hours
and in the winter
she just kept the heater going
the whole time,
you know, like her own personal heater.
Yeah.
And when you're real broke,
as I was at the time,
Your painter heats up
your house.
You like that kind of stuff
irks you because you're like,
yeah.
So I've just done
some quick gurgling.
The average New Zealand cost
for electricity residential use
30.22 cents per kilowatt.
The average laptop
uses three to twenty watts
per hour.
See, this guy sounds like
an asshole to play with, lady.
Can you see what he's just
as a step further than just
being like, hey, Hailey,
don't use your fan.
Don't use your fan
here to put on a warmer clothes.
The average laptop useless.
This is where he lives by himself.
That's $48 a day
if you're using it
for sixteen hundred watts a day.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
That seems too absurd.
If you use your laptop
for eight hours,
you will consume twenty four
to sixteen hundred watts a day
on a laptop.
And how much does that come
to a day?
$48.
No way.
No way.
That's too much.
That's too much.
That's absolute high end.
Dude, we, the Smiths,
use power.
And we make the
apologies for it.
Power.
We pay a huge power bill
every month.
And ours isn't even
$48 a day.
That's the same.
No.
That would be way too much, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, 48 times ten is
$480 times by three
just shy of fifteen hundred
dollars a month power.
No, I think your
calculations are up the
shipment.
And you're not charged
with the flat finances anymore.
Pass me the FOS card.
Yeah, I don't want to
live with you.
I don't want to live with you.
But I mean,
It's not like a fun idea
at the time.
It's still going to be
more than your other flatmates
are paying though, isn't it?
But that's a utility
situation.
I want a nightmare
to start working out.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
And then you put the
wall and then you plug you
your appliance into that.
Oh, OK.
No.
No, yeah.
Oh, God.
I just fluff up my
towels and use the dry
for my sheets just to
make it even.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You work from home.
I get to fluff up my sheets
and you have to line dry.
They'll be fluffing up
their sheets when you're
not hungry.
No, they have to have
crisp towels.
I don't think flat
shouldn't have dryers.
They've got to have
wine.
Flat shouldn't have dryers.
No.
You need to let the mold
dry.
No.
And what you do is
when it's your turn to
use the clothes
source, you just dump
all the clothes that
your flatmate owns that
have been on there for
a week off regardless
of their moisture content.
Still moist.
Yeah.
In the basket.
Yeah.
So little pal,
should flatmates who
work from home pay
more rent?
27 percent of people
say yes.
73 percent said no.
Let's delve into
the comments.
Let's.
Tess has said
not more rent,
but maybe more power
since their computer
is someone who showers
for a piss-taking
long amount of time.
It's me.
It's me.
And
hard good luck
working out how to
make them pay more
water and power.
Yeah.
Should your unemployed
flatmate who lies on
the couch watching TV
or they also pay
more says Sarah.
Oh,
we've struck a chord
with Sarah.
Wow.
Okay.
She's banged
the funny bone right
on the edge of the
couch that she's
in the corner of
because the unemployed
person's still lying
using any more rooms.
Are they same argument?
Someone's away on holiday.
Should they pay less?
Actually had one flatmate
when we were renting
who just decided he wouldn't
pay his rent for the month
that he was away since
he wasn't there.
Who's raising these people?
You can't just go to Europe
and be like,
you guys good luck
with my room.
Yeah.
And you can't sublet it
to a stranger that you
haven't given
all the flatmates
a chance to veto.
Yeah.
If the flatmates like
when you're away,
a friend's looking
for temporary accommodation.
What a perfect solution.
Yeah.
What an ideal solution.
Yeah.
You can't sublet without
checking with everybody.
No.
Don't check with the landlord
because I'm like a fuss.
No.
Just let's get this
between us.
Yeah.
That sounds like an F
and nightmare to try
and calculate the proportions
of rent and utilities.
What if the person
who doesn't work from
home is home on annual leave
or sick for a couple of
extra days a week,
do they pay more rent
that way?
Yes.
A couple of dollars a day.
Oh, this is
a little thing.
Oh, my God.
I hope I never have to
go back, honestly.
And good luck
with the change.
Turbulent time.
Fletch,
I'm actually quite
looking forward to the mold
coming back.
You're in your house.
Your apartment's too hot.
Are you talking about
your slums?
Have you seen
Fletch's slums?
I haven't seen his slums.
Beautiful cinder block
unit.
I don't have any
concrete floor,
concrete walls.
Yeah.
This is not true.
Zero insulation.
This is absolutely a lie.
No extractor fans.
He's got no extractor fans.
I don't believe in
ventilation.
Because the cinder blocks
have nice holes all through
it.
And when he was putting up
jib, it was too expensive,
so he put up
secondhand MDF.
Yeah,
which is all puffed up
with water.
Bingo,
to hide the espestos.
So, I mean,
this guy is running
a tight unit.
Watch out,
because your rent's
about to go up 20%.
I do not have
any rentals.
Get out of it.
It depends,
Olivia.
Yes,
if they're using another
bedroom as an office,
but no,
if they're just working
from communal areas.
That's like
asking if flatmates
still love that.
Dude,
you just hit all the time.
I think you should pay
more rent.
Get out.
Go for a walk.
That is
world,
world,
world.
That's the little poll.
Play it.
Get him
flat for the nail.
I remember
around about 2,000,
maybe,
oh,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no.
Everybody
likes lemon honey butter chicken,
and they also did
a lemon honey butter chicken
and I used to
get that.
Left.
Lemon honey.
Your
hate it.
Fletch.
You will love it.
Too sweet.
Yeah,
good stuff.
Yeah.
Look at this one.
Where is the lemon honey
and the rice
or in the butter
chicken?
So take away
your orange,
And every now and then when I go back to Patoni
with my best friend and we go to Maharajahs,
which is our tradition every year.
Yeah.
Oh, get it.
As a side to be like, remember,
and it was this like,
Creen Wellington,
We simply must.
We simply must.
We simply must.
We come and they're a Black Funda.
We do this.
I would say don't get it exclusively
because it's not a miracle.
It's not like you get it, I'll try it.
We'll try it.
Yeah.
But that was my first.
That would go well with our new dipping nuggets
and butter chicken.
Oh my God.
I did.
He tried.
You were out of the room.
I told these guys yesterday.
Oh my God.
He tried it.
We got Indian at the weekend.
The girls, my children love butter chicken.
They do get it their favorite food.
Yeah.
You know, I couldn't be prouder.
Yeah.
We're working our way up to a hot rogue and Josh with them.
Yeah.
They're starting much earlier than I did.
Way earlier.
Way earlier.
So I was like,
shout out was all about that.
I was like,
I'm just going to chuck some nuggets in the oven.
She's like, what are you talking about?
I was like,
How are you boy?
We're going to do it.
And then I cooked,
like 15 nuggets for everybody to have a cup.
My boy.
I was just like,
you dude,
there's rules.
I was like, there's rules dude.
Cause the chicken about a chicken
isn't crispy like a nugget.
Yeah.
And crisped up.
Oh, yum.
Okay, good.
I knew that would be good.
Yeah.
And rules.
And rules.
And fat straight up fat rules.
Yeah.
Looking on Maharaja's website,
this is free promo by the way for my favorite restaurant.
This, I think that's a very yellow.
Now.
So this was my first experience of Indian food.
And there is another white male
who has shared his very first time
trying butter chicken on TikTok.
Today we're trying Indian food.
We got the buttered chicken.
We got the buttered chicken.
The garlic naan.
The onion beigya.
And this came with some sauce
and a whole basin of rice.
Now let's try this buttered chicken
for the very first time.
Holy crap.
This might be the best thing I've ever tasted.
How old is this guy?
Young.
It looks 20.
20, 21 or something like that.
So he basically does these food reviews,
but I think he's like Midwestern, American,
like very not exposed to like any good food.
This is his first encounter with butter chicken.
He loves it, man.
Then he tries a naan.
Now let's try a piece of this garlic naan.
It's paper thin.
That seasoning is out of this world.
It has a nice garlic parmesan taste.
It's thin bread, but it has so much flavor to it.
In fact, this might be the best bread
I've ever had in my life.
It sounds like a roti.
It's so naan.
It's paper thin now.
You didn't hear the crunch when he ate it?
No.
Roti would have crunched.
I just think it was a thin naan.
Either good dipping.
Either way, you're good dipping.
Yeah.
Wow, okay.
This is Luke Foods on TikTok if you want to see it.
It's really sweet and innocent,
but I just love that his mind is blown.
I just, do we apologize to our Indian listeners
this morning?
Before.
But he says,
I'm trying Indian food for the first time.
No, it's good.
It's getting out there and he's spreading the word
to the other people who grew up on Glanford.
I'll apologize to our Indian listeners for saying
that my first experience with Indian food
was a lemon-honey, cream-induced butter chicken.
Yeah, I don't know.
I'd personally try it.
I'll try it.
I'll try it.
See you soon, Patoni.
Play CDM Split for the Naili.
Play CDM From the Self-Driving ZM Think Tank.
This is the top six.
If you paint your little picture of these top six,
a TikTok user visited Fontaine's Oyster House
in Atlanta in the US.
Now, she went on Oyster Tuesday,
which you can get $15 a dozen oysters,
which is about $25 New Zealand dollars.
She then, so the guy that took on her date
had apparently been quite keen to take her out
on a date for some time.
So she's like, this guy's eager.
Yeah.
So that other restaurant, $15 a dozen.
Why not order four dozen oysters?
$15 a dozen.
Yeah, so $25, so about $100 for 48 oysters.
Not too bad.
Not too bad.
But yeah, that's cheap for a reason.
And that's a ton of oysters.
It's like between Shada and I, we'll get a dozen.
We'll do six each.
And that's enough.
That's enough.
I love an oyster.
I love an oyster.
I can't do more than six.
I love an oyster.
You are always rolling the dice on an oyster.
Oh, yeah, baby.
With crock guts.
I think that's the exciting part.
That's the exciting part.
So she said she ordered four plates
and had this to say about what happened.
Y'all, when the fourth one came out,
he was looking at me crazy.
I didn't give a f***.
I'm not a baby.
You invited me out.
I'm an idiot.
Why the f*** does this bitch have to say
he going to the bathroom and never come back?
So that happens.
Wait, so he just was like, that's too much.
He went to the bathroom, excused himself,
and then left, left.
She messages him saying, running out on a tab is crazy.
And he replied saying, after to take you for a couple
of drinks and you ordered all that food,
I can cash up you the total for the drinks,
but I ain't paying for the oysters.
It is a wild move on her behalf.
So it's a bunch of wild moves.
So I've got the top six.
Today's top six is the top six other options
that this guy had rather than abandoning his date
after she ate 48 oysters.
And these we could use in a date scenario.
Just a normal every day.
Not every, no.
Unless you're dates ordering four dozen oysters.
OK.
Number six on the list of the top six alternatives
that bouncing on the date after she ordered 48 oysters.
Hang around to see what else she can fit in there.
That was literally just the entree.
She said that later in the TikTok, she was just warming up.
What she got lined up for mains and put.
I mean, I'm just keen to see it.
Then dash.
I mean, you're full of bloody raw mollusks at this point.
Full of snotty oyster.
Number five on the list of the top six alternatives
the guy had to abandoning his date after four dozen oysters.
Go full Mrs. Doubtfire.
Go into the bathrooms and come out as a British nanny.
And then literally just walk right past the table.
Like she won't know.
She's got oyster blindness on.
She won't know that all of a sudden you're
at a Scottish, Northern English woman.
And number four on the list, marry her immediately.
Combine your assets.
So then at least technically you're only paying
for half of the oysters.
After it, yeah.
Because you've got combined.
Sounds like you've got a lot of expensive dinners
in your future though.
Yeah.
Number three on the list of the top six alternatives
this guy had to abandon his date after she ate 48 oysters.
Order four dozen more oysters.
Try to find a limit on oysters.
How many oysters can she fit?
You're going to kill this one?
It's like when you go to a steak restaurant
and it's a 2KG steak.
And if you can eat it in the time thing,
you get it for free.
Maybe if you can eat 100 of our oysters,
pay for none of them.
But if you vomit, you're out.
And you've got to pay for however many you ate.
Number two on the list of the top six alternatives
to abandoning the date after she ate 48 oysters.
Fake your own death mid-restaurant.
Might I recommend a severe shellfish allergy?
Oh yeah, okay.
Oh yeah.
You can't pay if you're in the back of an ambulance.
And number one on the list of the top six alternatives
this guy had to abandoning his date after she ate 48 oysters.
Have her come back to your house afterwards.
We're not only as she's super horny
because of the 48 oysters.
Oh yeah, for the easy act.
But also likely to shit the bed when 48 oysters
blow through the last half of her digestive tract.
So what I'm saying is don't muck around,
don't take your time.
Get in there and get what you need to get done
and then get that.
Actually, maybe go back to her house.
Yeah.
Is that what she should have been?
Those sheets are her problem.
Those are her sheets.
Those are her problem.
That is today's top six.
Items, Fletch, Vaughan and Hayley.
An old study has surfaced.
This is a study conducted and stored
in the National Library of Medicine.
Megan Lim was the research assistant.
Margaret Hallard, the director.
Campbell K. Aitken, senior research officer.
I love Campbell K. Aitken stuff.
You, well I can click on this.
Oh, big fans.
Huge, man.
I don't know if you guys ever look at these,
but sometimes I'll be looking for a fact of the day
and I'll just have a rough account of the fact on the link
and I click on the link and it takes me to some intense study
and you've got to go through and all sorts of things.
Campbell's other studies include
what are the risks and what can be done about HOV in prison,
intravenous drug use in Melbourne,
measures of harm reduction for people
who inject drugs, very serious stuff.
Amongst his most serious studies,
the case of disappearing teaspoons,
longitude or cohort study of the displacement of teaspoons
in an Australian research institute.
It's about time.
I'm imagining what teaspoons were going missing
in this research lab.
So he's like, oh, I've put a stop to this.
All this time, they're T-room bereft of teaspoons.
So they dispatched a new batch
and they disappeared within a few months,
exasperated by our consequent inability to stir in our sugar
and accurately dispense instant coffee.
We decided to respond in time
on an epidemiologist's fashion and measure the phenomenon.
So they put it all into place,
did all the stuff you're supposed to do.
These people know how to conduct a study.
Yeah.
So they put teaspoons,
different sorts of teaspoons in communal areas.
So like the kitchenette here at work,
where everybody comes and works,
or specific T-rooms allocated to one specific area,
senior management, or one specific people,
you know, case study, one thing.
And then also a different quality of teaspoon.
A very nice, you know, a nice weighted teaspoon line.
Yeah, or those thin ones that go like real fit at the end.
Yeah, then you just play with it like this one here
and I play with it throughout the show and I'll bend it.
And then I'll have to straighten it out
before I put it back in the drawer.
We'll just answer the case of the body missing teaspoons.
It's all bendy, smothering here.
I always put them back that bent.
I always think somebody picks it up and's like,
did someone bend this with their mind?
It's not the teaspoons here at work.
It's the forks that go missing.
I would like to see a study into forks as well.
It's just people reheating their food, eating it,
and then putting the fork in the container,
taking it home.
So this is what they found out.
After five months,
80% of the teaspoons have disappeared.
Yeah.
They were absolutely gone.
So that gave them the half-life of teaspoons,
which half-life is usually reserved to things
like the radioactivity of plutonium.
Right.
But they gave it to a teaspoon here.
So that's the half-life of teaspoon
because half of them had disappeared.
They found out that communal rooms,
the teaspoons disappeared a lot faster
than specific areas, little tea situations
for specific people.
Because communal areas,
the teaspoons disappeared a lot faster.
And the quality of teaspoon made little to no difference.
Right.
They also found that our teaspoons went wandering.
Because I don't think that people,
the quality wouldn't matter.
People aren't taking them consciously.
No.
They're just getting lost into their stuff,
their bag and stuff.
They put the annual rate of teaspoon
lost per employee in this company,
applied it to the entire workfields of the city of Melbourne,
and estimated 18 million teaspoons
are going missing in Melbourne every year.
Late end to end,
those lost teaspoons would cover 2,700 kilometres.
But are they going way more than four adult blue whales?
Right.
But are they just ending up at people's flats?
Because that's probably more likely.
Going into circulation.
They're ending up at my house.
We've got a whole bunch of teaspoons
that aren't part of our set.
Yeah, us too.
No idea.
And there's a couple of really nice ones
and I don't know where they came from.
Yeah.
Really well-weighted.
I think that might've been part of like PR packs
that got sent to work.
Yes.
Like they send you a nice new yogurt.
They'll send you some bougie spoon.
And then you're like, as a good spoon.
But you've only got two of them.
Oh, but it doesn't match.
Don't take that home.
No, it's a good spoon.
I think I took it home because I was like,
I want to get the rest of my spoons to match this spoon.
So at work, at your work,
if you're constantly missing forks or spoons,
it's because the area is communal.
Yeah.
And then people don't have to think about
replacing as much because the blame
can be spread amongst more people, effectively.
Play, Zerian, Sfletch, Vaughan and Hayley.
Anyway, I've got a story to share with you
about a woman who, we just talked about it just before.
It's a little tease.
She saw, well, caught her best friend's husband cheating.
And then she told her best friend,
as I would expect all of my close friends to do.
Yeah.
Especially my best friend.
A Jess would do it in a heartbeat.
She'd also beat the living daylights out of Aaron
before she did.
Yeah.
Then right, so abandoned and said,
hey, Bestie, I just saw that your husband's cheating on you.
And though she was like, oh my God,
devastated, obviously.
Then the husband and wife,
they decided to work through it.
Yeah.
And so they did as some couples do.
And now as a result,
that kind of blaming her for their marriage problems.
Oh no, this is toxic.
No, no, no, no, no.
There's a word for this.
There's a word for this.
It is.
Britney Spears once sang about it.
And so did System of a Down.
Toxic.
Toxic, yeah.
So that kind of going like, you know,
our marriage has been weakened
since this has all been exposed.
And the husband's like, yeah, bitch.
And he's like, hey, not you.
Since it was exposed, it couldn't have been exposed.
Had he not been exposed himself.
Exactly.
Clever.
But this is why some people have a problem.
Clever.
So this is why some people have a problem telling people
because they don't want to be the one that's blamed.
They don't want to tell you.
This happens a lot to whistleblowers, right?
They're going, don't shoot the messenger, basically.
Insightful.
Clever.
What's my one word review of what you said?
Insightful.
Insightful.
Funny.
Now, this is the thing.
I don't know, I've never been in a position
where I've had to blow the whistle on anything,
be it a relationship.
I've never seen a friend's partner cheating
or anything like that.
I don't think.
I've been in a situation where I've known people cheating.
Had you?
And known like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's horrible.
And did you?
I want nothing to do with this.
Did you blow said whistle?
No, I didn't blow any whistle.
Wow, you had a clogged whistle.
They went also like chicken.
Chicken.
One word review.
They weren't also like, it wasn't, like, I just didn't care.
I was like, yeah, and not your place.
It's not my place, you know.
It also depends on what's your relationship.
Does this surprise you about Fletch?
Sometimes if you've told him something quite like,
heart-fought, and he's like, OK.
Yeah.
Like when you're like, no, no, no, no,
we were going to have a conversation
because we're friends and he's like, ah, OK.
Oh, bugger.
And he's like, I better go.
Like this is what, and so he finds out
that someone's cheating on somebody and he's like, no, well.
Slowly but surely we're pulling out on something.
I'm just not surprised by human beings, Vaughn.
I'm like, of course, I expect cheating.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But yeah, it's like, oh, this isn't good.
Someone's going to get hurt.
Yeah, that's my robot feeling.
Yeah, not my fault.
Anyway, I like that Vaughn thinks
he can come to me for sympathy.
No, no, I know better.
I know better.
Oh, well.
You all serve different purposes in life, you know.
Thank you.
I want to know if our listeners have ever
blown the whistle on something.
It could be something like a relationship.
Maybe you saw someone cheating and then you blew the whistle
and then maybe it backfired or you saved them.
Workplace whistle blowing, like corporate whistle blowing.
When you blow the whistle on like a scam or, you know,
the boss doing something wrong or a company doing something wrong.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Yeah, I have an incorrect memory here,
but didn't there use to be TV ads saying,
if you know someone that's dodging tax,
dub them in and we'll give you a little reward if we prove it.
Somewhere on the benefit's got a partner or they're working.
Yeah, there used to be this like government knock line
and they'd be like, hey, Narks, boy, we're going to deal for you.
Tell us, knock on someone for doing something
and if we can prove it and get the money back off them,
we'll give you a little sweetener.
OK, let's take some calls on this.
I'll wait for you.
Darls at Amazon number.
Give us a call now.
You can text through 9 6 9 6.
Have you been the whistleblower on something?
A relationship.
A scam, some fraud, some naughty benefit.
Not a sports referee.
No.
Clever.
Funny.
Just leave out the most masculine burp.
I didn't hear it.
I just heard the laugh.
Do we have Mike Ron?
I sort of went like, blah.
I was just enjoying the end of that song.
Sorry, sorry.
I mean, I don't know.
I just caught a bit of that burp.
I really apologize.
I don't know if a song's finished so strong.
Attention song writers.
Well, who wrote that song?
Sigmar.
Sigmar.
Sigmar.
We want to know now if you were ever the whistleblower.
So whether you caught someone cheating
and you blew the whistle, you were like,
Which is the story that we've been reading this morning of.
This is ridiculous.
Say I called out, Fletch and Vaughn, you're together.
And I saw Vaughn sleeping with someone, another man.
And I would say to Fletch.
I would say to Fletch.
You're just not enough man for me.
I've got a lot of room.
I've got a lot of room for man.
I would say to Fletch.
I've got a big manhole.
Hey, Vaughn's cheating on you.
I've got a bigger hole and it needs to be filled with man.
With love and man.
I think I've realized what I'm saying here.
All I'm saying is, my manhole is average size.
I would call it out.
Right, yeah, you would.
And this person online called it out.
And now the couple are blaming her for their marriage problems.
That's terrible.
Also, it doesn't have to be like calling out a relationship
whistleblowing.
It could be corporate.
Anonymous joins us.
You worked at a bank and you blew the whistle.
Yeah, yeah, I did.
So I worked at a bank and we found an instance where
clients were getting shortchanged.
It wasn't a huge amount to a client,
but it added up to a couple of mil.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Not a huge amount.
That's my idea of the perfect scam, right?
A couple of cents each person, each wave.
Wow.
End of the year, retire.
Yeah, and we called it out to the higher ups
and the initial reaction was, OK, is this small enough
that can we kind of sweep it under the rug
and not do anything about it?
Oh, my God, I don't know that.
And you're like, I'm straddling the phone to the ombudsman.
Yeah, yeah, pretty much.
Get me the banking ombudsman.
Oh, if here's a letter that's been drafted
and if nothing gets done, it'll find its way
into the hands of the FMA.
Oh, yes.
Wait, so you weren't like pay me half of what was made.
And I'll mum's the worst.
No, he's not blackmailing.
No, but in hindsight, that probably would have been a better idea.
No, you're an honest man.
I love that Vaughn Straightaway goes to blackmail.
I'm 100% for you, shit.
And people are like, you know, blackmail's illegal.
It's like, yeah, but what they were doing was illegal,
which is the worst illegal.
Not too.
I would have just asked for a pay rise.
You don't fight fire with fire.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
No, that's what Mohamad Gandhi said.
I for an eye, everybody should be blind.
Burn the whole world down, Mohamad Gandhi.
Yeah, burn it all down.
Anonymous, thank you so much.
It's an incredible story.
I'll send messages in.
You would blackmail.
You absolutely would be like, hmm,
this has come to my attention.
What are we going to do about it?
100% leverage.
But I would order like that,
because I want an liability on the blackmail claim.
Yeah, of course.
I never said that.
And nothing in writing.
No, nothing in writing.
I'm wearing a white.
I'm wearing a white at all times.
We're sitting next to a dryer in my basement.
Hey, forget about it.
You ever watch the Sopranos?
Get out of here.
Get out of here.
Do you guys know I wear a wire at work every day?
I got you.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
I knocked on my partner's baby mama.
She was claiming sole apparent benefit
while getting child support from my partner.
I just couldn't stand it.
I was so mad that she was double dipping.
Sure, that was why.
And I knocked on her.
Yeah, and she got in a bit of trouble.
Wow.
Anonymous, do you insist?
Anonymous, this was another company whistleblowing.
Hi, yeah.
Hey, guys, how are you?
We're really good.
And this, I've got to tell you, it's getting juicier.
It is getting juicier.
Wait, Anonymous, are you a long-time listener,
first-time caller?
No.
Because Vaughn had the bell.
You had the energy of a first-time caller.
Oh, OK.
So I just wrote the bell.
No, do not ring the bell, Vaughn.
Sorry, Anonymous.
Anonymous, are you hot?
Because we could also ring the bell for that.
Some might say.
Just that's one ding.
One ding.
There we go.
Hot caller.
Hot caller.
That is normally for when a hot person walks
past the studio, that bell.
It's got hot energy.
I can feel that as well.
Now, some Anonymous, what did you blow the whistle on?
Many, many years ago, when I first
sort of entered the workplace, I worked for a company that,
I'm not going to say who it was, but they had quite
a niche product at the time.
It was new to the world, pretty much.
And the boss.
Frozen yoghurt.
Yeah, you had a good time there.
OK.
Wait, frozen yoghurt, but they add the lollies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then, why you?
Because they got you, because you weren't frozen yoghurt
by the bite.
You were paying for the lollies.
Yeah, no, I guess it wasn't frozen yoghurt.
OK.
No, no, no.
Is he worth hot or not?
Yeah, so I had to sort of look after all the stock and stuff
and things when we were missing, and I couldn't marry things up
with invoices, and serial numbers were changed.
It was all sort of very, yeah, and it was really, really
stressful, because I was so young.
But yeah, I ended up being quite a big scam that was going on.
And there were two officers in Auckland,
and the other office, someone was involved there.
So yeah, I actually got so stressed with it all,
I left the job.
But as I was leaving, they said to me, well, why are you leaving?
And I was able to share the reason.
And they got rid of them, but kept me, so.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
Yeah, so it was, yeah, it was horrible.
How much do you reckon they were stealing?
How much were they stealing, like dollar-wise?
I would be quite a big amount, because, yeah,
it was quite an expensive item, but I don't know.
I don't know.
Are we talking tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands?
I don't know if it would be that much, Haley,
but maybe in the tens of thousands.
That's a lot of frozen yoghurt.
A lot of frozen yoghurt.
A hell of a lot of rodeo.
That's the story of the meteoric rise
of frozen yoghurt in New Zealand.
Anonymous, thank you.
Some messages.
Autonomous.
I slept with a guy who told me his girlfriend
had been into their relationship,
and we're no longer together a week or two later.
I saw them together at a party.
Well, I was, when I walked on a little tipsy,
and I was like, oh, girl, I'm so sorry, but he's no good.
He told me you guys had broke up, and I slept with him.
And they both hate me now.
And six years later, they just got married,
and he's cheated on her several more times,
and she always hates the girls, and not him.
When she is exposed for it.
That's a toxic relationship and a bad man.
That's not a red flag.
That is a flag on fire.
Yeah.
That's the flags you should not swim between at the beach.
Stay the hell away from that flag.
I once had to investigate a school ring of kids
selling phone top-ups at school when self-service first came out.
And that found a way to scan the system.
I did some investigation, reported it,
because it was their workplace that they were stealing from.
Technically.
I didn't work there, but I reported it to their workplace,
and they got fired.
Well, we've got a private investigator on our hands there.
Yeah, I love that.
I told them three tricks in my old job
who were stealing things from work,
things from fragrances to make up,
and they were soon to become supervisors until they got caught.
And it cost them their life.
I was a personal assistant.
I very quickly discovered that the person I was personally
assisting was cheating on his wife.
He asked me to keep it quiet, and I just couldn't do it.
I lost my job over it in the end.
No, but you're a PA.
That's all I've got.
Are you conflicted?
No, I don't know why I think that your PA should shut.
Because it's a professional role.
Yeah.
If my PA ever ousted me, I'd be so upset with her.
Somebody said, I'm currently dealing with this.
I'm waiting to blow the whistle.
But because I found out my friend's partner is cheating on her,
but he said he wants to come clean.
But now it's been like three weeks.
How long do I wait before I tooth that whistle, bitch?
You've got to say you've got 48 hours to tell your girlfriend.
Oh, you put a timer on it?
I'm putting a timer on it.
Otherwise, like, this happens.
They dilly-dally.
Otherwise, it would be my pleasure to let it die.
Absolutely.
Play ZM's Fletch for the Nailie.
Play ZM's Fletch for the Nailie.
Weekend, December 8 and December 9 at Auckland's Eden Park.
Ticket master for the remaining tickets.
And you'd have to say it's one of the cushiest work gigs
one could ever get.
Being flown to Santiago and Chile and South America
to see the weekend live.
Cam from The Night Show joins us.
Good morning, Cam.
Keep it in your hair.
Buenos dias.
Buenos dias.
Buenos dias, señor.
Wait, what time is it there?
It's like 3 PM.
It's burners afternoon.
It's burners.
Buenos tardes, I believe, you would say.
3 PM, must be time for a bloody sangria soon.
Oh, 100%.
Definitely looking forward to the sangrias.
Now, how was the weekend show?
It looked like it was at a massive football stadium.
Yeah, there was 36,000 people.
It was insane.
One of the loudest concerts I've ever been to in my entire life.
But the production itself is next level.
He literally sits the entire stage on fire.
About five songs into the show.
He's played all the bangers already.
What is he going to do for the rest of the time?
But then there's just more bangers, more bangers, more bangers.
It's not until you see the show that you realize
how many incredible songs the weekend actually has.
Yeah, and the stage is where you can see all of Cam's stories.
Get him online on Instagram.
The massive, is it a moon?
Inflatable moon?
Yeah, there's a giant inflatable moon.
There's also this giant robot in the middle of the stage
that's got laser beams that go out of its eyes and it rotates.
It's honestly incredible.
Yeah, of course.
Every concert needs a robot with laser beams and a giant moon.
Of course they do.
In San Diego.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Wait, is it, you were just telling us off here that at the stadium
you weren't able to buy a drink?
Yeah, so it was in a sports stadium.
So apparently here you're not allowed to sell alcohol in sports stadiums.
So we went to go get a beer and they were like,
no bueno, so no bueno.
Could you imagine if that was a roll in New Zealand?
No one would go to a all-black stadium.
Attendants would drop.
Attendants would drop.
Would drop.
Cam, incredible.
We're all very excited.
The weekend are 8th and 9th of December at Auckland's Aiden Park.
Ticketmaster for the remaining tickets, all those details at ZM Online.
We will leave you, Cam, on the rooftop of the Ritz-Carlton in San Tiago.
Cam, what am I doing wrong?
I've been here for two years and I have been seen.
I think we went to Levin once and that's about it.
Christchurch, you've been to Christchurch.
I mean, Levin's a hot-ening place.
Get around it.
Shut up.
Go enjoy your cocktail.
Cam from the night show.
Now, we thought we'd test out our Gen Z with some
near or extinct phrases due to modern technology.
Because there's ones that are common, right?
That almost went worldwide.
And then there's ones that were specific to you.
Like, I remember I thought everyone said lashed.
Like, our school in the 90s, lashed meant shame.
Yeah.
Oh, no, we didn't know that.
I loved regional.
I loved regional because it was the days before hyper-contactivity.
Oh, he's just coined a phrase.
Clever.
I don't think you have.
Smart hyper-contactivity.
You just didn't talk to kids from other regions.
No.
So it was like, Eastbourne, Murtitai School, everyone said lashed.
And it was like, shame.
Well, producer Shannon, how old are you again for the listener?
24.
24.
Born in 99.
Oh, I wish I was 24 again.
Sorry, that really happened.
Do you remember when computers were going to,
everything was going to crash at the millennium?
99 into 2000?
I was nine.
What a damn shame they didn't.
I was nine.
23 years later, we can look back and be like,
it would have been a rod of thitted.
Actually, hey.
They thought planes were going to fall out of the sky.
Well, these airlines weren't flying.
Yeah, they were just like, just in case.
Just in case.
Just in case.
And then we all woke up and we were like, no, it's fine.
But there are a lot of phrases that
have gone extinct due to modern technology.
These were highlighted in a big tech, some tech influencer.
Yeah.
And so we thought we would put some of these to you, Shannon.
Yay.
And test you and see if you know what they even mean.
To be fair, I struggle through daily life already.
I think I'm a bit of a dick, so I'm not having high hope.
But she sure is pretty.
And clever and smart and all the other things.
Yes, totally.
All the other things.
OK, don't waste the film.
There was a film camera, like a Polaroid camera.
And you'd have that many numbers in it.
Like you'd be like, I could take 10 now.
So don't blink.
I'm going to give that a go.
I was more about the hidden film camera.
It wasn't about Polaroids, because you'd know immediately
if you'd wasted those or not.
Especially on a disposable that you'd bought.
And then someone would be like, clap.
You'd be like, oh, don't waste the film.
Yeah.
It was dark and they wouldn't make sure the flash thing had gone.
Yeah, you idiot.
You don't waste the film.
The charge.
Because you didn't know what it was going to be like.
And then it had to go to uni, came for a week.
And then you'd get 24 photos back,
and half of them would be blurry and rubbish.
And your mum would scream at you that she wasted so much money
taking in those process for nothing.
Ah, another one, Burn Me A Playlist.
Oh, when you have like really good music taste,
and it's like a fire playlist.
And everyone's like, yeah, that's it.
But you've got to burn it to the CD.
No, no, no CD.
So if someone would be like, I'm listening to this song
at the moment, you'd be like, oh yeah, Burn Me A Playlist.
Burn Me A Playlist. Could you do that?
Or Burn Me A CD.
Yes.
Could you do that?
Have you ever burned a CD?
How would you, no.
And you used to.
She didn't have computers with a slot back.
Or like you'd go to the warehouse or warehouse station
to get a spindle.
A spindle. A spindle of CDs.
And then you'd have to write on them.
And then you'd go to burn a CD and you'd put one in
and you'd be like Sam!
Because he hadn't written on the CD.
It had already been burned.
I don't know what I mean.
It'd be like, can I burn?
And then we were polvo, so we didn't have a CD burner.
We had to go to Chris Jensen's house to burn the CDs.
Oh.
And his mum didn't like us using their computer
to burn the CDs because she thought it was going to ruin the.
Oh my.
She'd only write so many minutes.
So many minutes.
Put some tape over the hole.
Now be careful, we're on here.
Ah, maybe if you ran it, you forgot your bath plug.
And you'd be like.
Oh yeah, that's what we used to do.
And you would just put a bit of duct tape.
No, no.
You would just put a bit of sellotape over cassettes and VHS.
What were the, yeah VHS.
And then that way you could tape over them.
You could tape over them.
But if you took out the bit and the hole was there,
it wouldn't let you record on the tape.
You used to like snap it off and be like,
now that's permanently done.
Yeah.
You didn't need that anymore and you could tape over.
OK, so more phrases that are extinct
because of modern technology.
Call 137.
Was that just like the hotline for the police back in the day?
Police hotline.
137 was a great game.
You'd pick up your phone and I don't still don't know the purpose
of 137 on the land of mine and you know, 137.
Then it would go and then you'd hang it up
and then your phone would ring.
I think it was so that like the phone people could test
that your phone worked.
Yeah, but you'd do it to prank your brother
and then he'd think someone was calling.
What was the one where someone would call you
and then hang up and you could put it dial a number
and it would call them back.
Star six nine.
We never had it.
New Zealand.
Merrick had it.
There was a bigger, Merrick was in birdies and TV shows,
but we never had it.
OK, more extinct phrases thanks to technology.
Roll down the window.
Oh, yeah.
No, we had this one that had a windy window, not a button.
So you'd have to go.
Those were the tough days.
Yeah, well done.
We had one of those.
Yeah, we had one of those.
No, it's good.
It's good that she's in touch.
And they would stop working.
So you'd have to take the panel off the inside of the door
and like rearrange it and get it lined up to go.
Check the answering machine.
I mean, that's I can't believe that that's even on the list.
Voice mail.
Possibly extinct.
Voice mail.
Yeah.
But maybe they had little tapes in them back in the day.
I'll tape it for you.
Sounds like your cassette thing, right?
Your cassette thing.
As if you were going out somewhere and your show was on
and you were going to be home to watch it,
you had to get someone to tape it for you.
Oh, like MySky.
No.
Yes, but like MySky.
Like MySky.
Yeah, but her vintage version is MySky.
Ever heard of G-Code programming?
No.
Dude, this technology was wild.
The TV shows had a little barcode beside them.
And if you had a flash TV remote, you'd scan it.
And then it would automatically program it to record it.
My grandparents had it and never used it.
Oh, what a waste.
That's a waste.
So there you go.
That's some of the phrases that G-C does.
Yeah, stop.
So we have a friend of ours who is like a real handy guy
and like really good at house stuff.
And he comes up.
No, it's not you on.
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, you're so good at other things though.
I own two drills.
Do you know I own two drills?
And I've got a hammer.
Did you know this for that he owns two drills?
That's pretty wild, eh?
Pretty.
Wow.
And what else do I have?
I've got a level.
Where do you keep all these tools?
In my lock up.
Wow.
Yeah.
He's got a tradi lock up.
I've got a tradi lock up.
No, I've got a yeah.
Basically a man shed.
Yeah.
Actually, I've got some screws and some nails too.
So pretty handy.
Wow.
But it's not me.
This isn't your friend.
This is not me you're talking about.
This is our friend Andrew.
And he's just very good at things.
And he comes around like once or twice a week
and helps Aaron to do things like put trims on doors
and little woodwork things and latches our windows
and he's very good.
And now he comes around and every time he's there,
I'm usually there and I will always make them lunch.
Like I'll always either get them lunch
or make them a wrap or make sure that they're fed
because that's my contribution to her.
She's a good girl.
I'm a good housewife.
Yeah.
You know, and I like.
You wear your little pinny down, yeah.
I wear my little pinny.
Yeah, you've got the boots up and out.
He's enrolers.
Yeah.
I say, boys.
Time for some lunch for my hardworking man.
And they come inside.
I made you some iced tea.
Yeah.
Boots off at the door, please, my dirty boys.
Anyway, they come in and I always make them lunch.
The other day, yesterday, I wasn't home.
And so I said, oh, do you want me to, you know,
I'll be home late.
Do you want me to bring home something for you and Andrew?
And Aaron was like, no, I got it sorted.
I'll go get us some lunch.
I got home.
Do you know what he'd make?
Oh, he hadn't eaten the raw pasta again.
No, he hadn't.
He hasn't been snacking on that for a while,
but I did see him sniffing around the supermarket aisle
the other day, going, where's the raviolis?
I was like, we're not getting those again.
Anyway, no, he cooked them six sausages in the oven
and a bag of Doritos.
Perfect.
What is this?
He sprinkled the sausages on the Doritos?
No, he had got a raw metal tray, no oil.
No pan.
He oven-cooked sausages.
He didn't oven-cooked sausages.
It's good.
It's good stuff.
But he didn't.
So then, all when he peeled off the sausages,
the bottom skin, like, so what I had home to
was six sausage skins stuck to a tray
and an empty bag of Doritos.
And I was like, was that your lunch that you made for Andrew?
He was like, yeah, yeah.
I was like, did you get bread?
Like, did you make hot dogs?
Or did you whip together a salad with a myriad of vegetables?
He was like, no, no, just sausages and corn chips.
Is that boy lunch?
On the go.
That's boy lunch, man.
Man lunch?
Ripped up.
Skinless at this point, sausages.
My favorite meals are when everybody's like,
there's nothing in this house to eat.
I live with three women.
You do?
There's nothing in this house to eat.
And I'll be like, how is that possible?
There is a freezer full of food.
Yeah.
Oh, that's going to take too long.
I was like, you watch.
And then I'll cook like chips and dumplings.
Oh, you don't get bread.
He doesn't get what's happening to him, does he?
I know he does that.
You don't, you fall for this trap every time.
Oh, there's nothing in the fridge.
And then you go and make this massive meal.
I know.
The kids are always like, yeah, like they're always
so stoked with just this like ragtag bunch of stuff
on a plate.
It was ragtag.
I just think Aaron.
Because if there's not many chips,
you use them as like a seasoning.
You smash them in the bag and then you just like sprinkle
them over stuff.
I was embarrassed.
I like to take care of our friend Andrew.
He works hard on our house.
And I like to make him a nice, nutritious, delicious meal
with color and variation and flavor.
But then you think that they had dirty hands.
So there was all this prep stuff to do.
And he just flopped them on a tray.
You got dirty hands to feed him something
he needs to use a fork with, not finger, skinless sausages
and corn chaps.
I reckon he might have gone bag straight to mouth
of corn chaps, for God's sake.
Oh.
Play Zed and Flex for the Nailie.
Play Zed and.
It's time for the Impossible Finding Topic.
That's right.
A topic that we think is so hard and so impossible
that we won't get any or many calls.
Any or many.
Now, you slightly miss.
I misteased it, actually.
Yeah.
She missed it.
I'll rephrase the question when we get to it.
Let me show you a story first.
There was a woman called Carthen.
What?
Carthen.
Carthen?
Yeah.
As in Carthen, Daly and Fred Durth?
No.
No.
How do you?
Wow.
Carthen.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
Oh, no, got me, got me.
Dammit, dammit, I got it.
In 2007, Carthen was trying to be a business technology student
and was a parent with a 13-year-old girl.
She decided she needed to apply for financial aid
to help her, 2007.
It was when she did this that a person told her her social
security number was not valid because she has, in fact, died.
Oh.
And Carthen was like, nah, nah, nah, I'm alive.
Hello, I'm speaking to you.
Here I am.
And so her application was there for tonight.
2023, she is still struggling to prove that she is alive
because her social security number has been aligned
with a dead person.
So she has been presumed dead.
They think that Carthen, whatever her last name is,
is dead.
And she has spent years trying to prove to them that she's alive.
Even by going, hey, I'm physically, I'm here.
And due to it, she's had a whole bunch of hardship.
Like she can't get home loans.
Well, there's a nightmare if the government presumed
you were dead and everything was just like, oh, no,
that person doesn't get this, that, this, that, that.
Yeah.
Cancel their health.
You've got to go go to the doctor.
They're like, wait a minute, you're doing this.
So she gets these letters all the time.
She'll apply for things.
So she gets letters back.
And it's got a list saying why the applications have
been denied.
And it's always ticked, applicant deceased.
She's like, I am not dead.
She is presumed dead.
Now, I read another article, actually, speaking of death,
about a person, a man who was declared dead in an ambulance
from paramedics, dead on arrival, DOA at the hospital,
was put into a holding area before being
dealt with at a busy hospital.
Three hours later, he's like, hey, what's happening here?
Knock, knock, knock.
He's presumed dead, not dead.
Do you think he's going to have to deal with this in the future?
All of these banks and paperwork.
Yeah, they started the paperwork.
Social security numbers equated with being dead, not dead.
These kind of stories do happen from time to time
when someone is dealing with a government agency
and they think they're dead.
That's right.
But I think this is a bad slimmest point in time.
OK, pull it back to you just see someone and they're like,
oh my god, I thought you were dead.
Because there's this movie called Jason Bateman thinks
I'm dead and this girl who was an intermediate age, what,
like 10, 11, 12, kissed Jason Bateman when they went to school.
And then they lost contact.
And she found out later on that someone
had told Jason Bateman she was dead.
So Jason Bateman's like, oh my god, my first ever kiss is dead.
Yeah, this is Hollywood actor, Jason Bateman.
And then this lady made a film called Jason Bateman
thinks I'm dead.
Because apparently he just wouldn't believe people
until he saw her that she was still alive.
So maybe somebody just was just like, didn't you die?
The root of mouth, right?
Being like, I so and so died.
And then people go, oh my god, you're dead.
And they see you exactly.
I want to know if you have been presumed dead,
be it by a medical professional, be it by an organization
that has wrong documents that say that you were dead.
Because especially if you have a common name like John Smith,
you know, you're a family.
You ring up, I don't know, the insurance or the bank
and say, hey, John Smith's dead, our John Smith.
But then they killed the wrong John Smith.
Maybe you're reading through the obituaries.
And then you see John Smith died.
You're like, I went to bloody school with John Smith.
I'm going to hold a local memorial, get everyone together.
They're sad.
John Smith and John turns up like, who are we celebrating?
Have you ever been presumed dead?
Is the impossible phone of today?
I think it's too impossible today.
I think it's too impossible.
Whatever means, be it that your family just
assumed that you had died.
Or friends.
Maybe you were going on a flight around about Christmas time.
Oh, I've got another idea.
What about if your mum told you your dad was dead
and you grew up without a dad assuming he was dead?
But she would have to call.
He'd have to call because he'd be the one presumed dead.
No, but we're also taking stories about.
Don't make it more possible.
Why do you always do this on a possible phone?
You get scared that I was going to call.
Get scared.
It's impossible phone for a reason.
OK, well.
And I tell you what, if text through, then I go by.
It's not a problem.
OK, 0800-DALZED-M is our number.
Give us a call.
You can text through 9 6 9 6.
Have you been presumed dead?
Or someone, you know.
No, not also.
Oh, get out of it.
The impossible phone and topic asking the question today.
Have you been presumed dead?
There was a woman whose social security number
reveals she has died.
For years, she's been fighting to say, I'm not dead.
I'm alive.
Also, another man was declared dead at hospital
but then woke up.
Have you been presumed dead?
Not impossible.
Callum, good morning.
Good morning. How are you?
Good.
Now, have you been presumed dead?
Yes, I definitely have been presumed dead, mate.
But you're alive talking to us on the phone right now.
Could be a ghost, though.
Are you a ghost?
Definitely not a ghost.
OK, ghosts can't tell, though.
The iPhone doesn't realize that it's been touched.
Yeah, it doesn't have the fingerprint.
OK.
Yeah, fair point.
So who thought you were dead?
So my parents thought I was dead for about six months.
Oh, shit!
Yeah, it's...
How?
So my sisters were in a bit of a tiff with my parents
at the time and they weren't really getting along.
And I was living in Wellington while they were in Christchurch.
And my old sister actually called my parents up
and told them that I had died.
What?
What?
Just to hear?
I just...
Can I just pause?
Because when I have a tiff with my parents,
I don't tell them one of my siblings is dead.
Yeah, that's exactly right.
But it would be Philip, right?
Absolutely.
Oh, yeah, he killed my dad.
They just ring them and check, though.
Yeah.
Your brother's telling me you're dead.
Wait, did they want to go to your funeral or anything?
Yeah, well, that was the next part is,
yeah, my sisters and stuff told them
that they've already had the funeral
and that my ex-girlfriend's parents didn't want them there.
What?
What?
What?
I'm going to say this in the nicest possible way,
Kellan, your sister sounds like a crazy bitch.
No, she is.
She's literally is, mate.
Your sister sounds like a top-level red flag, crazy bitch.
So how did they not...
So for six months, how did they...
Wait, did you just not call home and see how they were doing or...?
Yeah, yeah, I was just busy with life and work.
And then I was like, wait,
I haven't heard from my parents for a while.
I wonder what's going on.
Oh, my gosh, so what happened?
I gave them a call after and mum and dad are like, you're alive?
Oh, my God.
Okay, wait, maybe.
This is the best story I've ever heard.
Maybe we gave away our caller of the week voucher yesterday too early.
No, we didn't. I think it's just a double.
We're just going to do another caller of the week.
It's a double.
Wait, wait, wait, there's so much to work out here.
So, were they...
What was the fallout of this?
Oh, my parents don't really talk to my sisters anymore.
Are they dead?
You should tell them they died.
You should tell them your sisters are dead.
Well...
So they never...
Your parents were just like, oh, my God, this is terrible.
And what a mean ex-girlfriend not letting us go to our own son's funeral
and not telling us, and oh, well, we'll just leave it be.
No, they were kind of like just running around,
calling up all our other family,
seeing if they had heard anything from what I was told.
And then they didn't really know anything to go off.
So my parents kind of just presumed, yeah, that I...
So when a few days and a few phone calls later,
your parents were like, ah, well...
LAUGHTER
I mean, if somebody said that your friend is dead,
you're not going to pick up the phone and call them, are you?
You're just going to be like, oh, well...
Yeah, they did like this.
No, I'm going to like...
Yeah, well, you don't think to call them exactly they're dead.
No.
I'm trying.
If someone said to me, Vaughn's dead, I'd be like,
oh, my God, I'm devastated.
But I wouldn't ring you and be like, hey, brah.
Would you not call?
I'd be like, I'm calling her a voice on a voice.
I'd get drunk and I'd be like, I'll just ring their voicemail,
ring, ring, and you're like, hello?
And I'm like, ghost hey?
Hailey?
This is insane.
So how did your parents react when they really upset?
Like when they heard the news, did they cry?
Were they beside themselves?
Yeah, my mum was absolutely in tears,
and my dad was trying to just gobsmack day.
He was just like, what the fuck's going on?
How had they told them that?
Well, that's a wild story.
How were they told you died?
Like a car accident, a drowning?
Yes, stabbing.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So you were murdered.
You're not dead by your own hand or dead in an accident.
Someone murdered you.
And your parents were like, you're a stabbing impotitor
at the time, and my sister told them that it was me.
Oh my God.
And your parents never like, well, we better fly to Wellington
and get justice for our son.
They're just like, look, the police will take care of that.
Stabbing impotitor, there it is.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
So, Callum, when you rung them and they said, oh my God,
you're alive, like what happened?
Were they happy or just like, oh, hey, son?
Over the moon, I pretty much went down there that week
and just seen them.
Oh my God.
And just reassure them, look, look, it's really me,
it's really me.
Oh my God, your poor parents have been through the wringer.
And we've never been doing this for 20 years together.
This is the wildest phone call I've ever had.
It's so incredible.
Trust me, your parents are like, this is terrible news.
Oh, well.
Oh, well.
He was a good kid.
We are the sort of person that would have got stabbed,
like when your parents have not been too surprised
that you were on the receiving end of a stabbing.
Are you in some gangs, Callum?
Are you a rabbit?
I was definitely not in some gangs, but I will say,
at the point in time, it wouldn't have been un-peculiar
for me to get stabbed.
Yeah, right.
Single greatest sentence ever.
It would have been un-peculiar for them to get stabbed.
But Callum, you're so nice.
But wait, I've got so many questions.
When they were ringing around the friends and relatives,
saying he's been stabbed,
they would just say, oh, OK.
Yeah, well, my sisters didn't really give out much more
information and didn't really answer the calls after that.
So they were kind of just stuck.
Why do your sisters hate you so much, Callum?
You sound like such a lovely man.
Oh, I'm not sure why they hate me.
Can I add the time, though?
It may not have been peculiar that they hated me.
Callum, we've already done a caller of the week this week.
It's only Tuesday.
It's only Tuesday.
Second caller of the week.
$50 MacCafe voucher for you from our friends at MacCafe.
Callum, enjoy the life.
Enjoy your second chance at life.
Yeah, you're a cat.
We've been at Lee Will.
Congratulations.
Well, so many messages and texts,
but that nothing is going to beat that story at all.
Oh, my God, Callum.
You want to go in the draw to see Olivia Rodrigo
live in Los Angeles at Jingle Ball.
Thanks to United Airlines.
I mean, second chance at life.
Your Callum sister.
Give us a call.
I-800 dials it in.
Zedim's Fletchvorn and Haley.
The reels are off.
We're reeling.
We're reeling.
Up or on.
We are reeling.
We are reeling in that story.
Callum.
Alive and well.
Far out.
Yeah.
OK.
Fact of the day.
Day, day, day, day.
Today's fact of the day is about the world's most expensive
stamp.
It's Stamp Week.
It's Stamp Week.
Stamp Week here, in fact.
It's a stamp week.
For all the, uh, F-F-Flat lists.
F-Flat lists.
Is that what they're called?
F-Flat to lists.
OK.
Just listen to it.
I've said it.
And I've written it down definitively.
And I still can't say it.
Stamp Collector.
Stamp fans.
The world's most expensive stamp is the British Guyana One
Cent Magenta.
That is a color it is.
OK.
The story behind the stamp was, uh, in Guyana, they were
waiting in, uh, 1856 for a shipment of stamps.
Ship and a stamp.
The ship got shipwrecked.
Yeah.
And the stamp never arrived.
The ship with the stamps got shipwrecked.
The ship with the stamps got shipwrecked.
At sea.
At sea.
At sea.
At sea.
Uh, so.
What a shame.
The local postmaster said, we're going to print our own.
Oh yeah.
Now there were two types.
There was the One Cent Magenta, which was just stuck onto
newspapers.
Were newspapers delivered?
Did you know that for a start?
No.
It's just on newspapers.
The stamp on the newspaper to get the newspaper delivered.
Oh yeah.
You can get it at the NZ Herald.
You can get it at the NZ Herald.
No.
Deliveries included.
And the, um, the biggest stamp was four letters and such.
It was the four cent magenta and four cent blue.
Anyway, it got to the point where they weren't arriving and they wanted to get this
installed.
So the postmaster general said to the people who were printing the paper, just print some
stamps as well.
I'll give it a signature.
Tickety boo.
Lick it.
Stick it.
Very rare.
These stamps.
Because soon after another shipment of stamps arrived on a ship that didn't get shipwrecked.
They didn't get shipwrecked.
No shipwrecked.
Shailed through the sheesh with no problems at all.
And it arrived.
So there weren't many of these stamps.
Okay.
Out there.
In 2014, the stamp sold at Sotheby's auction for 9.48 million US dollars.
What?
And the buyer was a high-end shoe designer, Stuart Weltsman, who simply took the stamp
into his pocket in its little protective sleeve and off he went.
It has sold again since.
It sold that guy.
Stuart Weltsman sold it in 2021.
Took a loss.
Took a hat.
8.3 million.
Oh, it was the market down.
Yeah.
Market was down on stamps.
So then I was like, who else has owned the stamp?
And I scrolled back and I think the most interesting owner of the stamp is the man who was the
heir to the DuPont Fortune, DuPont chemical brand.
Yeah.
They do non-stick.
They are the people that do non-stick.
Teflon.
Teflon.
Maybe they've got a Teflon-y product.
So he purchased the stamp in 1980, John Ethelware DuPont.
Oh, great name.
Purchased it for $280,000.
Oh, no.
He purchased it for more than $280,000.
Sorry.
The person before him purchased it for $280,000.
And the interesting thing is he, the stamp got passed on out of his collection because
he went to prison for murder, murder, murder, and he died in prison.
He was, the man he murdered, his name was Dave Schultz.
He was an American Olympic and world champion freestyle wrestler, seven-time world and Olympic
medalist, and the movie Foxcatcher is based on his life.
Foxcatcher was a 2014 film with Steve Carell, Channing Tatum, and Mark Ruffalo.
Mark Ruffalo played the murdered wrestler, and Steve Carell played the heir to the DuPont
fortune who owned the world's most expensive stamp.
Wow.
I don't think the stamp week's not doing it for me, I'll be honest.
I caught me back in with that film because it was a great film.
The man who owned the world's most expensive stamp went to prison for murdering an Olympic
champion wrestler.
By the way, motive unknown.
Really?
They never proved the motive.
Have you seen the film?
No, I haven't.
Oh, you've got to see it.
It's a great film.
What was the motive?
Did it end with his murder?
Yes.
What does it end with?
Pre-murder.
No, it's in the middle, I think, for memory.
So yeah, he's murdered, spoiler alert.
Spoiler alert for the film.
God, the stamp he died in prison.
And then he died in prison.
It's wild, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Truly wild.
It's wild.
Okay.
So he's the heir to the DuPont fortune with a penchant for stamps, but also wrestling,
but then murdered a wrestler and then died in prison.
So today's fact of the day is the world's most expensive stamps had some very interesting
owners.
Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.
Du-du-du-du.
Du-du-du-du, du-du-du-du.
Du-du-du-du.
Du-du-du-du.
Du-du-du.
Du-du-du.
Du-du-du.
Play, Siam, split up the Naili.
Play.
Siam.
Ancestry.com.
We refer to it every now and then because I don't know what it is, but there's something
it makes you feel like proud of the fun bits in your ancestry.com is what's
just interesting three very white presenting people you get a little bit
of spice in there you're like yeah like my one percent Hawaiian yeah now so
this is my change because we were we've all noticed that we've had some upgrades
downgrades in our ancestry.com because it's constantly evolving people use it
right the more the more times people spit in the tube and pay to see their
DNA history the more results and the the I guess more accurate it gets there's
also other sites that do this 23 and me is another big one that's how they call
that serial killer the Golden State killer. I know his family had done it and they
got it. They still haven't caught me yet. What? What have you done? We said we would take us to the ground.
I saw someone the other day saying oh I'm four percent more this or something
there's been an update and so I jumped on and you guys jumped on as well. I have
been severely I told you to suck it and I have jumped. I've been severely downgraded.
You remember once I was eight percent Swedish and I was like it makes sense.
It makes sense. These dashing good looks. Thank you. Thank you. This beautiful
complexion. Thank you. And then I got love of pickled fish. Yeah. I do. Not to mention and then
I went to six percent. I guess like in the last year maybe six percent Swedish. Well you were.
That was when you were tubby. That was when you let yourself go. That was where your Scottish went up.
Yeah. Well I don't know if it's because I've lost some weight probably but I am now down.
I've been downgraded to three percent Swedish and Denmark. That's not even worth counting.
I'm losing my hot pastries. That's margin of error. That's margin of error stuff. I'm not
getting into parliament with three percent. What do you know Norwegian. I'm down to two percent.
Norwegian. And that used to be four. I'm more Norwegian than you now. My Norwegian went up.
I'm four percent Norwegian. Oh wow. See I'm just really white. I'm English 51 percent. I'm
Scottish 22 percent. Irish 15 percent. Welsh 7. All of them out of the rugby world cup apart
from England. So I mean I could win the rugby world cup. Well I was devastated. Of course when my 19
percent. Now there's been a Portuguese man within my family apparently. Because we say that my
Nana was Māori and my mum's half Māori which would make me quarter right. But that's not true.
Like you know that the Māori bloodlines are moshalled. Do we have photos of the hot Portuguese
sailor? Well apparently but I've got no Portuguese but my Māori... Grande, grande,
pāpe. Grande, grande, pāpe. Grande, grande, grande, grande, pāpe. Somebody's been doing...
Great, great, great. Granny's in Georgia. Gage or Lago. Gage or Lago. I just want to know how to call
them daddy and granddaddy. But I was devastated. I was so devastated when my New Zealand Māori
went from 19 percent to 18 percent. And then 1 percent went to Hawaii. And I was like oh I'll take
that. But now 1 percent's gone back but I haven't lost my Hawaii. So back to 19 Māori. 1 percent
Hawaiian, 1 percent Welsh. Big, big old Scottish board here. Yeah, yeah. My Scottish was up to 66
percent at one stage. Jesus, that's so Scottish. That explains your ginger bed and your drinking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you I'm always looking for new and fresh excuses. And you're just sort of
like you're past it at two, you know. The Irish is dipped. I'm only 12 percent Irish. I've always,
you've always gone on about that. I've always gone on about my Irish but it's more Scottish.
But they're my Swedish and Danish. Oh. 11 percent. Whoa. Hello.
Bjerbok, borpok, borpok. Borpok, borpok, borpok. Gotcha. Gotcha. But they're my people. They're my people.
No, not the majority, not the majority of you. You're people of Scotland, babe. You're not immune to being
cancelled. You're immune to being made a bok bok noise.
Now this year I've been promised my very first Christmas tree because I've never had one as an adult,
never had one in a flat or any, mind it, in Aaron's houses. We've just never bothered. We always go
to family where they provide the Christmas tree. But this year you are Christmas.
We've built this bloody home, you know, and I was like, this is the kind of house that needs a
Christmas tree. So I was told, yes, I can get a Christmas tree this year. And then the house
has kind of fallen to pieces a bit and, you know, like it's been a long process and like things are
getting extended. But now I keep bringing up the Christmas tree. Like I said yesterday,
are we going to get a fake one or a real one? And Aaron was like, do you know what time the,
and he just sort of avoided it. He's doing that thing where he's not saying, he's not saying,
no, we're not getting a Christmas tree, but I can feel it slipping away. Does he ever employ
tactical silence? Yeah, tactical silence. Tactical silence. Just like tactical silence,
baby. Nothing, just ignoring it. Tactical silence. Does this mean I'm not getting a,
it's very unlikely that you can get it. Well, you can get it, but it's going to be on you to do it.
But that's not the joy of Christmas. He's, he's opted out. He doesn't want a bar of this. I
imagine we're all wrapped up in our winter woollies and we head out into the snow to pick
out Christmas tree. I mean, the way global warming is going, it's possible. Yeah, probably.
But there's, so is this a, is this a thing of that? That he just doesn't, he doesn't say no.
I don't take tactical silence. I employ it. I am, Shaday stepped out, employs it. I've witnessed
him do it. He's witnessed me do it. And afterwards we just went, and nodded at each other. It's
tactical silence. It's where you ask the question that either is going to cost you a lot of money
or you don't want any part of, or it's one of those things where you're like, we should
translated, you're going to have to. Right. And so we tactical silence it so that later on we
can deny ever having agreed to it. Oh, that is what's happening. We let you ferment, we let you
marinate in your own idea until you internally talk yourself out of it. That's what we do.
But I'm ready to start buying Christmas decorations because I need them to be curated
because you know we've got an eclectic style. You do it. No, but I can see Aaron will go like,
that's not a, that's not a, that's good use of money right now when we don't have a toilet.
Yeah, baubles. See what you're letting yourself see and he's employed tactical silence. No,
I'm not saying I agree with that, but you're aware of it. It's totally separate. Me having baubles
is, is regardless of having a toilet or not. Right. It's not one or other. I can have both,
right? I don't understand. Because I employed it yesterday when Shaday was on the couch and I was
at the computer, I was doing some work and she said, do you know what I was thinking we should
do? No, here we go. Yeah. And I went, a light look over the shoulder, just a light look over
the shoulder, not a full turn, light look over the shoulder, back to my work.
Wait, what did she want to do? What did she want to do?
I can't even remember. See, that was the only thing he did. He didn't even listen. He's not even
listening. I actually don't even know if she said, because she obviously said it,
was greeted with tactical silence. He's doing something now. I'll approach this another day.
Another day. Tactical science rules. My dad does it, but my mum will then just talk straight at him.
Yeah. Because my mum will park us up in front and just be like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah. My dad's just like, yeah, he did the tactical silence. Well, I'm getting
baubles. So I'm, do you know what I'm going to do? Here's my, here's a woman's tactic. I'm going to
buy the baubles and then be like, we're going to look pretty bloody stupid if we don't have a tree
to put these on. Okay. And then here's stuff. Role play it. Role play it. What am I doing? I'm
doing something though. I'm, I'm, I'm fixing some scooting. Yes, me. I've got two bags in my hand.
Clink, clink, clink. Hey, babe. Look what I got. At this point, I will remain silent. Okay. But I
will half look over my shoulder. Babe, babe, look at these. Are they cute? I'm going to make this
noise with my mouth and then I'm back to attention. I feel so too. I've got baubles. Look at this one.
This one's really cute. It's like glass and it's like vintage. I'm going to let her work out that
she may notice I'm in the middle of something. Babe, look, just have a look at them. Look at them.
They're cute. Again, half look, not full look. Yeah. Half look. Well, now I've got the baubles.
We have to decide whether we're going to have a real tree or a fake tree. What do you think?
I'm going to stop. The hammering is going to stop, but I'm not going to look. I'm just
going to be quiet for about 10 seconds. I'll be like, are you all right? And then I'm going to go
and then back to the hammering. Oh, no. Okay. I don't think you're getting a Christmas tree.
Oh, I'm busting for a ways after that podcast. I'll tell you.
You are allowed to listen to it while you wait. There's no rules on when and where you're allowed
to listen to. It just says here. I'm busting for a ways. I read it. Okay. I read it. Give us a review.
Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.
Silly Little Poll!
Top 6: 48 Oysters
Teaspoon Study
Aaron's Tradie Lunch
The Impossible Phoner!
Hayley's Christmas Tree
Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!
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