ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 16th October 2023

The ZM podcast network. The Flesh Born and Haley big pod. Treat yourself to

McAfee coffee with my Mac's rewards. Good morning. Welcome to the show Fletch,

Fawn and Haley. Happy Monday. It's a long weekend approaching. We do. This time next week it'll be

Labor Day. Hooray. This is a big win. New government. Yes, big week. Labor Day is coming.

Fletch, Fawn and Haley lives happening this week.

On my bathroom skin tiles. Big week for the day. Big week. Big week for the nation.

Big week for the nation. The nation has been waiting for you to get a bathroom.

With baited breath. After what, seven, eight months? Nearly nine. Nearly nine months with no

toilet. Unreal aim. Yeah. Also today we're going to start the show soon with your chance to win.

We're giving you the chance to see Olivia Rodrigo at Jingle Ball in LA. This is a big

concert every December. We're always giving away tickets to this each year. Olivia Rodrigo

headlining alongside Niall Horan, Flowrider, Miguel and more. We've got Flowrider.

We've got Flowrider coming, don't we? Yeah, we do. So listen up for that activator.

It is going to play in the next half an hour. When we play Olivia Rodrigo, when you hear that,

call 1-800-DARNZ-M. You're in the draw for return flights to LA Accommodation. Tickets to Jingle

Ball or thanks to United Airlines as well. You'll fly. Exciting. It's going to be a great week,

team. The top six coming up on the show. Apparently Prince William's favorite naughty

emoji is the eggplant. Oh, you little, you bad boy. He's a doody little boy. He's a doody little boy.

Bad boy. A doody little future king. So I've got the top six other favorite naughty emojis of Prince

Williams. So you remember those like docks that you put an iPod into? Lots of hotels had them.

Yeah, they ruled. Yeah, and it had a big square dock and you'd like put it on. Oh my god, this is

awesome. So double is like a clock. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, it was everything. There's some real rad ones

and then those iPods sat in the middle and then the speakers were either side of them. Yeah,

sleek looking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there is a grandma that still has one of these,

right? And every now and then you'll go to a hotel and there'll be the alarm clock and it

still has a dock for a wide iPod on it. Get your bloody wide iPod. You can dock onto my wide iPod.

You can get adapters that took it from the fat to the skinny for the iPod. I remember.

But then it had to like awkwardly balance. Yeah, but now you're going to need another

adapter to go to the US. The thing. This is how they get you. Anyway, so a 90 year old woman

still had one of these in her home iPod in place, right? It looks like one of those clickety ones

because those they were the best. Those are actually worth a bit of money if you've got one

in a condition. But I'm not giving them selling it because it's got a great playlist on it that

I have hopes of getting off. I've still got a nano that has a thick. You know, they were like

an inch by an inch. Yeah. So good for running. Yeah, they were great. You can only have like

30 or 40 songs on the back. But you wouldn't have enough songs. I know I did a half marathon.

They just looped. Wow. That was those were the days. Those original iPods were actually

spinning hard disks. Yeah, I know. If you were going to run with them, you had to hold them in

your hand as they acted as a cushioning. You could have just strapped them on somewhere.

You could, if you put your ear to it, you could hear it going and you could feel it almost

vibrating. Anyway, this 90 year old grandma, she's got one of these things in her granddaughter,

shared on TikTok that she'd gone round and seen it and saw that she's seen it. And she saw that her

grandma's iPod was running, but there was no sound coming out. So she said to her grandma,

like, oh, do you know your iPod's on? And the grandma was like, don't touch it. Now, apparently,

this iPod has been running for 10 years. And all she does is turn the volume up and down when she

wants to listen to something. So she has just had all of her songs on shuffle for 10 years

because she didn't know that you could pause it. Or turn it off. Yeah. So she's on the dock,

turns the volume down or up. Oh my, and so the second song ever fast forward.

She's like, no, that one. No, no, no. Just don't touch it. Don't touch it. Wow. How many songs has

been spinning? Yeah. Nonstop. Doesn't say how many, but I like someone messaged on the on the TikTok,

Steve Jobs lives in there. Don't touch it. Yeah. Spirits in there. So, you know, she's dead right

though. Like the, if that isn't running for 10 years, the minute it gets disrupted. Yeah, exactly.

So grandma is, grandma is inadvertently correct. Yeah. So yeah, how amazing is that?

Was this before they could make updates to brickier devices? Because you know, they do that now.

No, she's not updating. She's not. It hasn't been updated. It can't be bricked because it has never

been updated. That's amazing. 10 years. Because when did I have mine? Yeah, like 2011, 2010.

My big 120 gig that I loved. Go, grandma. Grandma. It's so good. I just love that. She's like,

don't touch it. She's like, you can pause it. No. Over my dead body. Next on the show,

somebody has worked out how many hours people spend writing emails every week.

Well, a study has been done some research with typical employees at businesses in the US and

the UK, just small business employees, people that work in offices. And they have found that the

average employee spends nearly 11 hours a week, a week, a week writing emails.

I love emails. Do you know I'd see emails up there with my preferred mode of contact?

I don't know why I just love easier. This is like, you can get a bulk of information across. I can

refer to it at a later date. I like it. You got a paper trail. You got a paper trail. Sometimes

it's important. So then average of 112 emails weekly, an average of five and a half minutes

each email. And people think respondents in the study said only 36% of their emails are

fully read and understood. 62% say that their emails and their questions go unanswered.

And 51%. And if you have a difficult to spell name, we'll know this. 51% have been addressed

by the incorrect name. I just counted my sent 18 emails. Just today. No, last week. Last week.

Yeah, but you're not in an office asking people to do stuff or working on projects.

You're not working on projects with people. You don't even know the projects I'm working

on at the moment. What are you working on? You wish you knew. For what? Emails. I've sent.

You've sent four years. You don't have big email sending. Oh, that's actually,

and that's only one of my inboxes. Right. I've got a word. You've got a couple.

Kaleen, you've sent a lot of emails. I do. I do. And last week, I actually got called

Mr. Jones in an email. Instead of Mrs. Jones. Yes, Mr. Jones. I was just about to say.

I was going to say a classic song. Mr. Jones. I wish you were Mr. Jones. Great song. But I'm

that's Dr. Jones. Get us to embarrass it. Are they right? Stop for a minute. How embarrassing.

I'm so embarrassed. I got the worst one. Mr. Jones. It's Dr. Jones. And she just sung it.

Oh, me. Full heartedly. And Mr. Jones. That's an Amy Winehouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry,

Mr. Jones, go on. Mr. Jones. We're ready for you, Mr. Jones. Oh, sorry, it's not Mr. Jones.

You've got a hum going on in there. You've got a real hum going on. Mr. Jones and then you've

got a hum going on in your studio. I don't know if the listener can hear that. It's the aircon humming

away. Do these stats ring true for you as someone that sends a lot of it? Do people ignore your

questions? Yeah, absolutely. And you've got to follow up. Hey, do you see this? Yeah. Oh, yeah,

you do do that. Is it Vaughn who just control all and deletes his inbox daily so he doesn't have

to deal with things? No, it's just when you're about to go on holiday. You control all delates.

Yeah, what am I going to do? And every Friday is the start of a two day holiday.

I love how you live your life. It's a throwback. I've still got, you know, I'm in that habit from

where, you know, precious gigabytes on the company server had to be saved. And so they'll ask you

to clean out your inbox. I remember doing that way back in the day. It wasn't even that long ago,

really, since we've been here. Could you clean out your inbox guys? We've got a little bit,

but then legally they have to home on to them for seven years anyway. I think so. Yeah, that's

when I stopped pesting people on. Hey, hot stuff. Look, if it's if it's important enough,

they'll message your flirt with you in real life. Exactly.

Be honest. Do you wash your hands every time you do wheeze? And I tell you what,

you guys are yuck. Yeah, even if it's just a rinse, give them, give them a good rinse.

I'll do like a little fingertip rinse every now and then. You know what I mean? Like,

why don't you want to get the palms? Why don't you want to get the palms? Just like,

and who do you show? I look at your nails. No, I know that's from a hard lot of gardening. I

actually cut my nails and had to scrape around and I've got old man hands where they fill up.

Yeah. Yeah. The cracks on the kind of sort of your fingers get full of rice. Need a bath. Soak in

the bath. I will say, and I'm going to scrub pumice. Do I need a pumice? You need a pumice,

babe. Pop to the beach. I will say, and I'm going to call out the women in this building,

the amount of times I'm in that bathroom and people just walk out of the toilet and just

ladies or especially guys after a number twos, they're leaving the cubicle after a number

twos and just working straight out. There's a cubicle at work with a sink in it. Yeah.

That's my favorite room. It's roomy. The accessible one. Yeah.

Oh, that's roomy, hon. Got you. Got you. Got you. Got you. He's cancelled.

That's all camera. I don't think I'm cancelled. I haven't still won there. I don't think I'm

cancelled. You are. For using the accessible toilet. Yeah. Canceled. No, they changed the name.

What do they call it? It's accessible. No, not disability. Exactly.

It's accessible toilet. Okay. Okay. I don't get me wrong. I'd be riddled with guilt if I came out

and someone was sitting there in a wheelchair and they're like, you're happy with yourself?

I'd be like, well, I'm not sitting on the other ones. They don't have the room. I can't relax.

They end up in the sink. And so the sink in there, whenever you're in there and you do your

ablutions, few and far between work, but it does happen. You make a real loud deal out of washing

your hands and pulling the paper towels out so people know that you've washed your hands.

Are you not just skipping straight out? They're not just leaving. Almost

good for a second wash just to make sure they're not. Exactly. Wash the hell out of them.

Yeah. People yuck. Okay. Do you know why this was pitched as our silly little poll? It was a

woman who shared that she just like never does. She was like, I'm gonna piss on my hands.

If I was like, it doesn't matter. You're still wife. You're still getting near the area. You've

got to touch the bathroom door. The lock. Yeah. I mean, if it's at home, the toilet paper,

someone else might have had a finger go through and they like got posed on their finger and then

they've just inadvertently touched the toilet paper and you can't see it. But you can't see

COVID either. My chance of a breach at work too, because it's thin toilet paper. Huge chance of

a breach. They call it eco in this building. Give me a break. Give me more. I'm putting my

contract. Wow. Next time I'm putting my contract. A long roll floor four ply.

You want some five ply? Be honest. Do you wash your hands after paying 49% of people said yes

every time. That's not even a majority. No, it's not. They need a coalition partner to form a

government. Exactly. They have to team up with hardly ever on 6% to form a majority coalition,

but they want to be careful because not always is it 45% or they could team up with hardly ever.

They've got more of a shared principle system. They would get the majority in parliament.

They would be so halved. We've got to say thank you for being honest, because we see

So yes, 49%, 45% said not always 6% said hardly ever. Let's see what these filthy pigs have

got to say for themselves. I know it's scody, but if it's the middle of the night, I'm not going

to flush. So I'm not touching anything gross. I think people with penises should also wash,

always wash though. Lucille. Yeah, but we don't touch our junk. You touch it to pay,

but the toilet paper's patting it dry. You know, oh, there could be, there could be,

there could be leaks where there could be interference. Give it a shake, but you literally

hold yours. Yeah. Yeah, we don't hold anything. Oh, I don't know. There's a,

it's touching the toilet paper and stuff that makes me more than holding your own ditto.

Yeah, it's not a dirty ditto. Ditto's aren't dirty. Ditto's aren't dirty.

Oh, they get sticky every now and then, but what you're telling me down there,

it's not sweaty. I know, but it does. It is sweaty. So you don't touch it.

Yours is sweaty and you're touching it. It's not sweaty. I'm going to tell you guys,

this guy's got the sweetiest shaft. You know, you're seeing the cracks on the sides of my

finger from, you know, my rough dry skin. It's all dry. It's dry. Oh, hon.

Let me get some Cedophil on that shaft. Ashley says, no way, unless it's a public bathroom

and someone has seen me coming out of the cubicle, I don't wash my hands, but I 100%

always do after poos. Yeah. Okay. Did we say we were going to do this anonymously?

I mean, Ashley, there's a lot of Ashley's. Okay. Yeah. I could give you an Instagram handle.

She looks like a hand washer. You know, if there was a lineup and they said,

eight of these people don't wash their hands, you'd be, I reckon I'd pick Ashley as a hand

washer every time. It'd be wrong. Amy, who the hell isn't washing their hands? What the hell is

wrong with people? You have to shake people's hands like me. What the hell is wrong? No, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no cry face. Me and everyone's not washing their hands. Amy, don't touch a single

hand. Do you know the other day after coming out of the toilet, I washed my hands thoroughly

and then had to shake hands with John Campbell and Jack Tamay. Oh, yeah. And no, I had a really dry

hand because I used to paper towels. Oh, you're dry. Always make sure I've got a dry hand.

Thank God you can't. John Campbell is a national treasure and Jack Tamay. I know,

I couldn't take them out. If you had before the election special. Exactly. If you'd given them

crypto spritian because you're a big Queenstown water drinker, he won't be told you could have

wiped out one's coverage of the election. I know. Wow, the power we have when we wash our hands.

What the F says Katrina. It's such a quick way to minimize spreading illness. It's not that hard

to wash your hands. Literally one minute. She's washing them for a four minute. Do you remember

a few years ago when we had a global pandemic and they had to vaguely remember that to run

through how to wash your hands? I know. I mean, this proves. Remember the sticker?

Was it always that blue sticker? I'm saying it wrong, but that was like the big school thing.

And then I haven't thought about it since then. It's like the stickers on the mirror is it's

school had to wash your hands and at home you had the one had to brush your teeth. Yeah.

Gemma says everyone who said yes are liars. I'm a woman and I don't touch my junk while

wiping. So she's not washing. Yeah, but you're touching the button on the toilet, the door handle.

You're touching your button.

She'd wash her hands after that. Before and after. Ben always do. Ben's a chef according to his

Instagram handle. Always do. I find it gross as when guys next to me in the gym toilets

downwash, then go back to the machines. Don't wash. Don't wash and then go back to the machines,

especially when they don't clean the sweat off anyway. Yeah. Yeah. That is a sweaty shaft by

the sounds of things. Oh, sweaty. Yeah, they work. Now that's an acceptable place to have a

sweaty shaft. Absolutely. Yeah, that's where you're going to accumulate some sweat on the shaft.

Classic talc, do you? Was that sort of that or that former paste? That would form a paste. That

would form a cornflour paste. That's what you'd do a lot down there.

Sam says... A couple of giant marshmallows down there.

Classic man. Lightly dusted. Leech coloured marshmallows. Sam said I can hear everybody

that ticked not always saying, I don't piss on my hands. That's pretty much what everybody said.

Rachelle, sometimes I can't be bothered, but I'll still turn on the tap and stand there for a while.

This is insane, Rachelle, you're turning on the tap, you might as well.

Using Earth's resources at least. I get it. I get it though.

To fain washing. Just like tap on, tap on. It's taking the same amount of time.

Just dip your hands in there. Wash the damn hands. I love, I appreciate people's honesty though.

So do I. I really appreciate it. It meant we got an honest poll. But wash your hands,

you grubby buggers. Yeah, come on now.

Well, tossing a coin has always been a way to decide something apparently unbiased.

I'm a coin toss, whatever. A lot of sports before they start. Like which way will they,

like rugby, they do a coin toss and which way they'll face. Cricketers, they always start with

a coin toss. A lot of sports do. And then you win. Sorry, I was yawning, I'm very bored.

Our apologies. We'll try to spice it up. We'll get enough sleep, hon.

I don't know. I don't think so. Never give enough sleep. So apparently the way it is

biased is what way it's facing when the toss begins. Oh, okay. Of course. But by how much?

So it can't be my point. 8%. So 50-50. It's 50.8 versus 49.2. We're talking about this. The people

must know that it's when someone's about to toss a coin. Yeah, I'd say no. You say,

you be the annoying person that goes, wait, wait, what way is facing up? But the way it's

facing up then doesn't matter because it's about how hard you flick it. Because then you're getting

how many spins. If I flick soft, I'm getting a few spins. If I flick hard, I'm getting more spins.

Maybe I wouldn't dare say this without the evidence to back it up. Thank you.

Thank you. European researchers have conducted more than 350,000 coin tosses.

Do we have fun life? Oh, your thumbnail would hurt after a while.

I like to imagine it's a machine. Do you catch it and whatever's facing up?

No, slap. Slap it onto the back of the hand. But they got a lot of people to do this. It wasn't

like one coin, one person doing 350,000 times. No, it was a lot of people. Lots of varying factors.

Different coins as well. They used different coins. So it wasn't like a coin that was heavier

on one side. Yeah, coins from 46 different countries were used in the experiment.

All the different people did it and they had to take down their results. And yeah,

it came up in favor ever so slightly of whatever way was facing up when the toss began was the way

that was the one that was more likely to end up. Imagine telling your mom, I'm a scientist. Oh,

yeah, what kind of experiments are you doing at the moment? Well, we're tossing coins.

Yeah, I'm not a real scientist. I'm a statistician. Isn't that science too?

Yeah, but it's just call yourself a statistician because otherwise you're going to get

science questions that you just don't have the, you know, the ability to answer.

Oh, interesting. I always go tails. I'm always tails. Got a real draw towards tails. It feels

funkier than heads. Well, now it's just because a head is always a head. It's always the queen's

face. Yeah, it's going to be the king's face. Yeah, depending on what's going to be a bird or a

ship or a lizard. Yeah, it could be a lizard. Does that make a coin? It's on the five set piece.

He's gone. Does that make a coin heavier on one side? If there's more like embossed kind of,

that's a very good question. I don't know. You know, like the queen's head on one side and then

there's like a tiny bird on the other side. I wonder if that's something that has to be

taken into consideration and coin design. Yeah, weight distribution. Yeah. Because what have

we got? We've got the tiny far and then we've got what's on the 20. Is the endeavor, is that

on the 50? The endeavor's on the 50. And then the gray herons on the two, the white face gray

here. See the gray here. The kiwis on the 20. See the gray here. There's a tiki on the 20 as well.

A lot smaller than the queen's head. Yeah, tiny. Doesn't take up as much. Yeah. This one, you know,

with the like the Maori carving, we've got two versions of the 20. Right. Kiwi on the one as well.

Okay. Well, if there's a coin toss and it's something important, like who gets the front seat,

make sure you know. What's on top? Maybe pick the heavier side as the down would be the downside.

You might not know if that's a thing. When are we getting the king's coins, by the way?

I saw Australia released, have released some of their coins have started with the king's head.

Looks weird. He's not good side on. I gotta say, yeah,

they're giving it a bit of a tart. His mother has a strong profile. Yes, she did.

Let me tell you a little story about a man who'll be king. He likes the aubergine.

He was asked, Prince William was asked on BBC radio one, what his favorite emoji was.

Is this a clean thing? Or is this like the family one? He was asked and he said,

I've been told not to say the aubergine. So I'm going to have to pick something else,

which is the eggplant. It would have been aubergine, but now that I'm saying because I've got a little,

because I've got to be grown up, it's the one where the eyes go up and down and the mouth's out.

The mouth's out. The eyes go up and down and the mouth's out. Is it that one?

They let the cringey roll your eye? Yeah, maybe. He's a terrible job of describing that.

Well, because all he's thinking about now is aubergines. Kate said it's got to be the heart,

then the crying emoji, then the hysterical laughing when things go wrong.

Weird to think that they're just messaging people. Oh, are they messaging each other?

Who? Yeah, what's your phone number? 027, you know, like, what is it?

When asked also in the interview, he confessed he wasn't able to enjoy spicy food.

I can't do too much spice. I start sweating. It's not attractive.

Who had that guy picked as someone who couldn't handle much spice? Oh, oh, everyone.

Everyone, yeah. That'll be his emoji. It'll be the eyes going up and down and the tongue's out.

That's what it means. Crazy. Oh, my God, the king uses that, like the future king.

Well, I've got the top six other dirty emojis that Prince William loved.

Okay. But he's too afraid to tell everybody. Number six on the list, the green heart.

Oh, yeah. He's the closest Warbrook fan. Yeah.

Tell me why I'm a dirty king to be, you socialist. Yes.

That's his aim to that. The man of the people. Well, I think she got re-elected.

You'll be happy about that. Yeah.

She's not in my electorate, but she's not in my area, but she's in your heart.

She's in my heart. She's in your heart. Yeah.

Number five on the list of the top six other dirty emojis Prince William loves.

He loves the lipstick. Oh, yeah. He says that to Catherine.

Catherine, I've gone full Labrador and I'm showing you my lipstick.

Number four, this is the top six other dirty emojis.

Number four is the crown emoji. Sort of self-explanatory.

Yeah. Guess who's going to be king? Me, darling.

Me. I'm going to be king now. Play with my crown jewels.

Number three on the list of the top six dirty emojis that Prince William loves,

and he sends them to Catherine. Number three, the chocolate donut. Enough said. Number two,

Born Ellen Smith. Number two on the list of the top six dirty emojis that Prince William loves,

the Pinocchio emoji. Catherine sends him a photo like,

do you like the stress of future king? And he says, no, I don't.

Number one on the list of the top six dirty emojis that Prince William loves,

uh, loves sending to Catherine. Number one, the earthworm.

It's a bit bent. It's all, it's, it's very wiggly. I've got a wiggly wound.

I've got a wiggly wound. It's my trial for you, Catherine.

It's going to get all through your compost bowl.

It's a sexy analogy. Yeah, it's, it's something.

It's a burrowing to make very rich compost. Oh yes. It's a little worm.

Today's top six.

Now I pride myself on my parallel parking. Sometimes I'll even drive around looking

for a smaller car park, you know, just to challenge myself.

Right. I've witnessed your parallel parking. It's very good.

I'm good. I'm tight. I'm good to the curb.

I'd like to think I'm a good parallel parker. Born, you're, you're good.

Yep. Say you're good.

I can, I can get in there. We're good.

There's this awful little, where we go for Yumcha.

There's these awful little one and a half car parks.

They're awful. If you've ever been to the Viaduct in Auckland,

the parking around there, these, they, they planted trees.

What's going to grow too big and the roots are going to destroy everything.

It was very badly. Now this will surprise you.

But he's the council, council, council made some terrible decisions.

This will surprise you all, but they've got these one and a half car length car parks.

And they drive me crazy because a car will park right in the middle.

Huge gap in the front, huge gap behind, but not in the front.

The other day, someone was quite far forward and I parked the Santa Fe.

I squeezed for them.

The Santa Fe, that's a biggie.

That's a biggie.

And you know what I did? I put the back two wheels up in the tree thing.

I was like, that's your fault.

Yeah, to be fair.

That's your fault.

Poor planning from the council.

Poor planning.

Were your family embarrassed by that parking?

When we got back, cause I dropped them off outside.

So as, as tradition says, car parking is going to be such a hassle to find.

I'll drop you off.

You go get a table.

Hell yeah, yeah, yeah.

All rolling.

Get those schumais rolling.

Fabulous.

I want to walk in.

I want there to be a little plate of hot sauce.

Yeah.

Soy sauce and chili sauce.

Yes.

Is the difference between chili oil and hot sauce?

Of course.

That's all I want to tea.

I want a beer.

I want to have that.

All that ready.

I want some pork schumai.

Yes.

Prawn schumai.

Prawn.

I want some early dumplings.

Maybe some soup ones if they've got the go.

Oh yeah.

Good stuff.

Rolled rice rolls.

Let's let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

I want to hit the ground running.

And then when we got back to the car, they were like,

why did you park like this?

Because of these annoying one and a half parks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know.

Well, apparently they did a study.

There was like an auto trader company in the UK

that did a study.

And they got people to wear those heart rate monitors.

You know the ones you strap across your chest.

Oh yeah, yeah.

And get a baseline heartbeat where you're sitting at.

And then parallel park.

On average, their heartbeats, their BPMs, rose 57%.

Wow.

When attempting to parallel park.

One person's, the most nervous jumped to 84% higher.

You could try this yourself if you had an Apple Watch

because you can just put it on your phone.

I don't go down.

I'm so confident.

You're so relaxed.

You know what I mean?

You're so relaxed.

You're so into it.

So brought in.

In the producer's booth, Shannon,

how many times have you parallel parked?

Zero.

Never done it.

Don't know.

Did you not do it in your license test?

No.

I don't have your full license.

I don't have my full.

But am I restricted?

He said, do you know how to parallel park?

I said, I'm going to level with you.

No.

And he said, okay.

And he just let me have one car in front of me.

So there was no one behind.

So you just drove straight in?

Pretty much.

Oh my God.

And then, yeah, never.

Still to this day, I kind of only like to park

on my left side as well.

If the park's only like, if I have to turn right into it,

I'll go a lane down.

Oh my God.

I'm so unconfident.

You live in Auckland though.

Like, we've got to take a park when you can get it.

Now I'll walk.

Or I'll Uber, like from the park.

Like I'll park down the road and then head over.

I love the science of lining up.

I mean, my dad was lining up the mirrors,

like get your mirror in line with the mirror

with this distance.

And then, yeah, when you pull it off,

you just like, I'm great.

It's like, it's instinct.

It's instinct now.

Can you teach me?

Yeah, I can teach you.

Yeah, you should.

Can't wait.

Are you confident?

I've just recently moved and I have to.

So I'm learning to.

Getting better.

The aqua's are lovely, small.

The chimneys are absolutely treat to parallel park.

You can park anywhere because it's a small park.

You can just go nose in, can't you?

Because it's not that big.

Yeah.

God, I've seen you put that thing in just motorcycle car parks.

Yeah, I do often park in a motorcycle car park.

Yeah.

Jared, do you parallel?

Yeah, fortunately, I drive a VITS

and in the New Zealand rental market,

there's only ever one car park.

So I've always been on the road.

Yeah, right.

Shots find at the New Zealand rental market there.

I've got a few.

And they're lacking in car parking.

I don't know if you know what happened

of the weekend with the election,

but I'd just keep your mouth shut if I hear you.

So the landlord's going to hear about this

and have you evicted.

No cause, no warning, no repercussions.

You know the heart rate doesn't get up

with your parallel parking?

No, I take great pride in it.

Like I won't stop parallel parking

unless I'm within a centimeter of the pavement.

Yeah, I love that.

Pretty good.

Yeah, pretty good.

It is terrible when there's a car up your butt.

Yeah, I feel like technology is taking the fun out of it.

You know, like the B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B,

B, B, B, B, and they've got the sensors

or the cars that do it themselves.

I used to have a car that didn't have a sensor

and my mum crashed it twice

because she was like, it didn't beep at me.

And I was like, oh for God's sake.

Just, you can see these mirrors that we're surrounded by.

You use those.

Yep, yep.

Play it.

CDM's, Fletchville and Haley.

I, a photo opportunity more than a landmark.

Maybe.

Like the LMP bottle is a photo opportunity.

Yeah, also a landmark.

Also a landmark.

There's two of them too.

God, the first time I ever got a photo with it,

I got the one with the little one.

Oh, no.

You got the new bottle.

Yeah.

Not the swapper bottle.

Yeah.

Oh, no, you gotta go.

You gotta go.

You're a silly girl.

I put it up on Facebook.

Everyone was like, lame, wrong one.

Wrong one.

How did you go through Pidoa and miss the main one?

Yeah.

Not looking.

What did?

It was my first ever road trip where I'd like,

driven with friends from Wellington to Auckland.

And we're like, let's go this way.

Add the D to it.

Yeah, right.

No, no, no, no.

It's a massive D tour.

No, we were dropping off a friend in Thames.

Oh, OK.

Still friends with her?

Poor girl.

Sounds like she should have got the intercity.

We've drifted apart.

Right.

Well, if you're enough, when you go to Fames,

you know, life changes.

Well, this is a Springfield donut.

And apparently there must have been some,

somebody must have requested a look into it.

Right.

Like official information act emails from the council.

I think it's because the district has spent

$17,864 repainting the donut four times.

That somebody was obviously not happy about that

as a rate payer, so looked into it and then got

a whole lot of other information about it.

Right.

Well, if you're not happy about that,

I've got some news for you.

Nobody's taking a photo in your town if you didn't have it.

No one's stopping in Springfield.

No one's even stopping if it wasn't for that donut.

Because it's a great photo.

We've stopped there many times,

but we've stopped on our way to the Wild Foods

a couple of times.

Yeah.

Great.

It's a great spot.

We stopped on the way there and we liked it so much,

we stopped on the way back.

Yep.

And we spent money in that town,

but we would not have otherwise spent.

Yeah.

That's how it works.

Think about it.

So we stopped for these things, the carrots,

the corrugated sheep, the,

well, yeah, the Ola,

the gumboot.

The Ola Cooney carrot.

That's a great, yeah.

Yeah, the Tai Hupik gumboot.

Well, we love that.

People don't stop enough for the big fish in the South Island,

the gore fish.

No, it's not the right car.

It needs to be more comical.

Trout.

The big, the big.

What if you had a bra on?

I'm sorry.

A jumping fish doesn't make your chuckle sense.

What if he's wearing a bikini though?

And he's like, ew.

So you're thinking they need to chuckle up the fish to get people to stop.

I agree.

Like you say, put on a bra or...

Yeah, a coconut bra or something silly.

Coconut bra and a mustache.

It's too silly.

You take a photo of that.

Cromwell has the giant fruit.

Yeah, they're not silly.

They're not chuckles, Megida.

They are.

Yeah, they are.

They are a little bit silly because they're a little bit phallic.

It's all, okay, you've got phallic.

Yeah.

It's another thing to stop for, is it?

But what are they concerned about?

And I'll give them this, it's a weird height.

There's stairs up the back that you can walk on and kind of like stand in,

but they're saying you shouldn't be climbing into it.

And it is a weird height if you go in from the front,

you can get a little bit like beached out,

like if a low car goes over a speed hump.

Right.

So what safety concerns?

Safety concerns that people would jump into it from the back

and just slide over the front,

smash their face on the ground.

But it's, you land on grass or the bark,

astroturf.

Oh, okay, astro.

But it's only a small bit of astro.

Yeah.

There.

And it's a play, they say it's not a play item,

it's purely for a photo.

So they said if people are going to hurt themselves,

they were doing something that they shouldn't have been doing.

Right.

In the area anyway.

A safety bar in the middle of the donut.

Oh, but then now it's lame.

It's busy, man.

I know.

It's, you can't say anything.

Well, do they want to lower it to the ground?

Because what's the gap between the donut and the ground?

Quite a bit.

Quite a bit.

Yeah.

They could definitely crawl under it.

Yeah.

You could limbo under it.

Nana certainly.

You wouldn't want Nana falling from the hole.

Well, no, I wouldn't push Nana into the hole.

Yeah, but Nana either stands in front of the donut

and the family's in the hole of the donut

or Nana's in the hole of the donut.

Well, you're not going to get a whole family

in the hole of the donut.

It's a big hole.

It has to be a skinny family.

A skinny, tiny family.

Core four, core four family, two adults, two kids, good.

Maybe a solo mum with a single kid.

Yeah, I think so.

Dad's got to be out of the picture.

At least the grandparents have died.

Dad's literally out of the picture and out of the picture.

Yep.

Yeah.

Why don't you say someone needs to die?

No, at least granddad's died or someone's died.

You're not going to get the whole family in that hole, Vaughn.

I think you're...

You just won't.

I mean, I've been in the hole of the Springfield donut

and it was just big enough for me.

Yeah, but you're quite big, Vaughn.

It's a bit...

Yeah, well, I return a lot of water.

He does.

Yes, what I mean.

He's just really, yeah.

You have mum, dad, the kids all in front of the donut.

Yeah.

The grandparents.

Grandma are at the back.

No, grandma are on the floor.

Don't get grandma up the stairs.

Maybe grandma could lie down flat.

Who's going in the hole in the donut in this scenario that you're in?

I don't know.

The kids or the youngest person.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I remember a bit more height.

You've got to get creative with it, I think.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, that's just what we've solved that problem.

Is that another one solved?

I've never been.

I've never been to this place.

It's lovely.

It's not.

It's not.

What's that?

That's what he meant.

It's lovely.

Oh, apart from the donut.

We've just established that the donut's the only thing we're stopping for.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was the Krabby...

Apologies to our Springfield listeners.

There was the Krabby store owners, and then they finally chucked in the town.

They were fun.

We encountered there.

Yeah, we got.

They were screaming at each other.

Oh.

Yeah, it's so great.

Yeah.

Well, take care.

Hmm.

Take care on the donut.

Take care on these large icons of ours.

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, they're like, people were so fascinated by them because

they were in love, then they spent years apart.

Different marriages came back together, and she has just this light of life,

and he's just a little grumpy bum.

He's less grumpy and alcoholic-looking than he was.

I know, but you see them out.

Oh, my gosh.

I know.

He had a few bloody rough years there, didn't he?

Didn't he?

But you do see them out and about.

And like I said, I saw this red carpet thing.

And he just comes out of the limo, like, and goes off.

And she's like, hi, everyone.

Well, they get paid funny.

They get papped quite a bit, and he looks like he's just been told off.

Yeah.

Or they're having a little stop bitchy resting face.

I just think he's just got one of those faces.

It's like, you know, sometimes I'll accidentally open the front facing camera on my phone and

be like, cheer up, mate.

And then it's me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's just my face.

That's just what I've been.

And my wife keeps saying to me, friendly face.

That's when I've got like an angry friendly face.

Not because I asked her when we were away.

I was like, do I have a friendly face?

Oh, that's right.

And she's like, she laughed at my face.

Oh, yeah.

OK.

Yeah.

She's like, no, you don't at all.

You look so unapproachable.

Yeah, I've got a bitchy resting face.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do.

Whereas I'm just an open book.

You've got a natural smile.

Whereas I'm just, yeah.

And I don't want to be bothered.

So I don't.

I'm just a bit cuddly teddy bear, though, underneath at all.

Underneath at a heart exterior.

A couple of bad boys, but a heart of gold.

So that's been spotted this week, last week,

three times going through the McDonald's drive-thru.

Three separate occasions.

Could you imagine anything worse than the paparazzi

following your every move when you leave the house?

It would be horrible.

What?

You couldn't do a sneaky mac's run.

It like one at one in the morning.

Or nine in the morning.

But also, I don't understand why they don't,

like celebrities don't do like deliveries.

Like Uber Eats and stuff.

I think they were just out and about.

The paparazzi are going to see, right.

OK.

So they're already out.

So they're like, let's swing by.

It's so.

Get a 40p.

Human.

He's there.

Yeah.

In the drive, pulling up, saying their order,

getting it, waiting.

She gives me big filly of fish energy.

Thank you.

No.

Not a compliment.

Not the compliment you thought it was.

I take that as a compliment.

She gives me big throwaway, the buns,

just the filly energy.

God, no, because that's steamed buns.

So she's on board with that.

Yeah, right.

I love the buns, steamed buns.

So then you see him and he hoons into a cheesy bee,

just like in the car with the yellow wrapper and chucks it.

I just love it.

I reckon he goes primary burger, secondary burger,

and then cheesy bee.

And probably some nugs as well.

He gives me big mat, quarter pounder,

and cheesy bee on the road.

Because if I'm going all out,

I'll get a McChicken, a filly of fish, and nuggies.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Anyway, as you say, imagine what it would be like

if Paparazzi followed you everywhere

and what the headlines, because this headline,

Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck make third in capitals,

trip to McDonald's drive through in a week.

I was thinking about what would the headline be

if Paparazzi followed you.

Like yesterday, this thought, yesterday,

radio broadcaster Haley Sproul spotted outside local liquor store

at 10.30, only to discover it opens at 11.

It's a long headline.

It's too long.

Work on the headline shortening.

But the kind of embarrassing things that you do

that you're like, well, it doesn't matter,

because I don't have Paparazzi following me.

Do you want to take some calls?

I want to take some calls.

What would the headline be if Paparazzi followed you?

Like imagine if the Paparazzi saw

what was in your supermarket trolley

when you wheeled it out to the car.

Yes.

Watch out, red wine industry.

A shortage is ahead.

Sproul spotted with cart loaded.

From the week it would have been,

local man asked eight times

how long sledgehammers will be on bench.

Some restoring some sledgehammers.

Oh my God, that's a lame one.

No one, that's not even going to be on the news.

Even if you would be in Africa.

How long are these going to be here for?

Yeah, Fletch, what would yours be?

God, local inner city apartment has revolving door.

Yeah.

Wow.

Ouch.

Can't Fletch just revolving door of lovers?

Yes.

Great.

Who was sponsored going in to level?

There's a lot of people living in their department building.

You can't pin everyone on me.

Well, I'll just, you know.

What would the headline be?

Somebody has just said

they might be playing McDonald's Monopoly.

That's why they've been back.

Because they are doing that in a few places at the same time.

Because normally it's all like,

because I think they're doing it in the UK at the same time.

Yeah.

Someone's texting, here's an example to get us started.

Okay.

Tracy has yet another coffee,

could have sponsored five children by now,

and it's only lunchtime.

Yeah, that's the thing.

Yeah, because the paparazzi would see

how many times you get a coffee.

Wow, this is great.

Okay, well, we want to take your calls.

I'll wait a hundred dahls at him.

Imagine that the paparazzi follow

your every waking move in public.

Yeah.

What would the headline be?

What would the headline be?

Like, just the trivial, silly things.

Yeah.

Sproul.

Sproul seemingly ditches bra.

What's behind the bold move?

That's today's headline.

What a great nation we have here,

sharing the headlines.

Oh, you know, Fletch doubted you could do it

on a Monday morning, didn't he?

Didn't he?

I did, I did.

Yeah, we thought maybe it was too creative.

He's like, maybe we're going to be asking

too much of our people.

On a Monday morning.

And I said, give them the benefit of the doubt.

What we have asked is,

if the paparazzi were following you,

what would the headline be?

Because the headline for Jennifer Lopez

and Benny Affleck is JLo and Ben

make third trip to McDonald's drive-thru in a week.

There have been times when I've been to

show sponsor McDonald's more than three times in a week.

Dude, there's been times I've gone more

than three times in a day.

Don't even worry about it.

But like, I'm just loving those little,

like, private things you do or things that you're like,

having a rough one.

So if the paparazzi followed you,

what would the headline mean?

Sarah, good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

What would the headline be?

Oh, Sarah finally goes to the gym after a month at home.

Why the big turnaround?

Hey, good for you.

Sometimes you're going to take a month off, you know?

Well, you do.

Like, it's, you know, it's been a rough winter

and I've had a couple of overseas holidays

and I did my best to get ready for those.

And as soon as I've come home, it's like, it's all over.

It's really important to let the paparazzi

that the muscle fibres heal, isn't it?

That's what I did.

I did a good, I did a good three-month

muscle fibre healing session.

And for me, I feel they're finally healed and I'm back.

I love it.

Why the big turnaround?

There's a big turnaround that summer's coming.

Yes, I'm terrified.

Sarah, just remember everybody has a beach body.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How do you turn your body into a beach body?

Take it to the bloody beach, don't you?

Take it to the beach.

Yes.

That's right.

But good for you.

I'm with you today as well.

So I'll see you at the gym.

I haven't gone yet.

So my yoga class is 10.15.

So wish me luck.

Yes, good.

That's a terrible time for you.

I would like...

Who's running a yoga class at 10.15?

Becky, what would the headline be

if the paparazzi followed you?

Breaking.

Becky's still seeing her ex after break-up three weeks ago.

Desperate for love or desperate for closure?

I love this.

Oh, what?

Oh, Becky.

Who broke up with who?

Did you break up with him?

Oh, no.

She broke up with me.

Sorry.

She?

Okay.

Wow.

Wow.

And so...

Right.

And so...

But you just haven't made the break?

Not really, no.

No, we're still, like, real good friends.

So...

Okay.

Like, real good.

Real good.

Like, how good?

Real good friends.

Yeah.

Like, really good.

Yeah, okay.

So she called it off, yet still wants the pud.

Oh, yeah.

I guess we both still want it.

So, you know...

Wait a minute.

I know.

I didn't know where that was going.

You both sniggered, like, chill.

No, she didn't.

So she's, like, no relationship,

but will it still muck around?

That's okay.

Interesting.

Well, I love it.

Desperate for love or desperate for closure?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I tell you what, the paparazzi let's...

I mean, not even Becky knows the answer to that question.

Yeah.

I hope I'm going to follow the story of the great interest

and get myself a hello magazine.

I'm hooked.

Amanda, what would the headline be

if the paparazzi followed you?

Uh, Amanda spotted with a sneaky full sugar red bull

while she claims to be switching to red bull zero.

You know what?

It doesn't taste the same, though, does it?

No, it doesn't.

It's got a funny aftertaste.

I'm finishing my sugar red bull in the car now

and I've got a zero in my bag for work.

Well, you know, good for you.

You just...

You've got to do a year.

You've got to do what you've got to do to get to the day.

Well, mind you, if it hasn't given you wings by now,

I don't know if it's going to.

Yeah.

That sounds like...

Amanda, brilliant.

Thank you.

Some messages in.

Large animal vets in Popping Squat on side of road.

Somebody there is...

Oh, wow.

Some suck of your horses and your cows.

They're not...

The vet themselves aren't large.

Well, they might be, they don't say,

but they...

They're a large animal vet,

so they specialize in horse and cows

and they had to pop a squat on the side of the road.

Oh, no.

Well, we've got to go.

Sometimes you just go.

You've got to go.

You've got to go.

Local Mum at Supermarket for fifth day on a road

despite something going once this week.

Local Girl Parallel Parks for the first time

in front of Doctors' Clinic.

Only to find out appointment was yesterday.

But the parking's an achievement in itself.

Yeah.

Hannah stops again at 7 a.m.

for another V in chocolate bar combo.

Hashtag breakfast of champions.

Teacher has asked,

what are we doing now for the 60th time today

in its only morning tea?

Oh, dear.

Yet again, Bressie spotted

overloading her hands,

carrying too much crap from her car to the gym

and not quite making it.

Bring a bag, woman.

Yeah.

I wish everyone just deserves their own paparazzi now.

I love it.

Yeah.

Breaking,

Becky hasn't left her room in two days.

Oh, Becky, get a whiff of the...

Touch grass, get out of there.

Yeah, get out of there.

Ah, local woman trips over tree root

while walking home drunk.

Still has wine glass in hand.

Amazingly manages to save herself from injury and wine glass.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

You see that wine glass was from a bar, wasn't it?

What a hard day.

But they've got such nice glasses.

Teacher swears under breath at child again.

Claire pushes another pool door

as rumors of mount down are bound.

Imagine being like an A-list celebrity

and they got you pushing a pool door.

Like just to keep...

Oh, okay.

Clarice deciding to hold it

after cleanliness and functionality

of service station toilet doesn't meet height standards.

Oh, my God.

Um...

I love this.

Woman goes running in rainwear...

Woman goes running in rain wearing shower cap.

Christchurch local cleans under bed

and discovers entire library.

Wow.

What discoveries were made?

Vintage books.

Ah, Anne goes out for coffee again

after being spotted with calculator at pack and save

because she's so poor.

This is good stuff.

These are great.

You guys are great.

And just be thankful you don't have paparazzi

following your every movement.

Maybe it's good for us to just live life

pretending like we do have the paps on our tail.

That's how I'm going to proceed.

Right.

Yeah.

Good luck.

Rather than woman receives another email

from Uber asking, are you all right?

She's going, okay.

Ha ha ha.

Play ZM's Fletchvorn in Haley.

There's a real...

What's that?

Isn't that...

What's that thing?

Misconnections?

Lost connections, you know?

It used to be in like newspapers and people would write

and being like 12 p.m. train from this place to this place.

Girl in blue dress, we caught eyes.

I feel like that used to be a big thing

like a few years ago on social media.

Someone will be like, I saw this girl on a train.

And then the internet would try to connect them together.

But now it's like that's a bit creepy.

A bit creepy, yeah.

Yeah.

Well, maybe this could be happening now.

Oh, are you about to be creepy?

I'm about to be a bit creepy.

Okay, she's about to be creepy.

But I was reading the room correctly, I reckon.

Oh, do you reckon?

I voted on Friday, actually.

And I was in the area and I was like,

oh, I'll just quickly go do it now

because I had a busy Saturday.

And I pulled up to the voting place.

And then I remember I was seeing all these people,

different ages and colors and everything.

And I was like, isn't this great?

This is great, so we're all just coming together

to vote and exercise our right.

And this is great.

And then I walked in there and I was in a bit of a line

to vote.

And then behind me, a whole bunch of military turned up.

Oh, okay.

And I was like, yeah, in full camo.

A coup?

Was it a coup?

Oh, my God.

Was it a coup?

I love an election day coup.

I love an military coup.

No, it wasn't a military coup.

They were just there themselves to vote.

Oh, wow, okay.

These weren't Doomsday preppers.

Because sometimes they'll turn up in sort of military regalia

and you really have to be like, what's going on?

Well, I had the New Zealand Army.

Oh, I know.

That was legit.

Okay, that was legit.

Emblemon.

Yeah, right.

They didn't have upside down flags

and like sovereign citizen written somewhere.

No, they didn't have that.

Fantastic.

Okay.

Those are the Doomsday preppers.

The ones to look out for.

Well, the reason I knew this is because I stopped

to have a bit of a steer.

Because I've got lots of friends in the military,

in the army band in particular.

And they wear their camos when they're in casual.

Well, you don't want anyone seeing you.

You just want to have a floating tuba walking down the street.

Yeah, you don't want that.

Exactly.

I just want a drum, a tuba, a trombone going for a walk on the street.

Who was playing that flute?

How was that?

So I turned to have a little bit of a steer

to be like, I wonder if any of my friends, you know,

because they use your bass and crush,

which I'll just have a little look.

And then I noticed that about 80% of them are women.

And I was like, play.

Wait a minute.

And the armed services?

What do they do when they're men straight?

I don't know.

How would they?

God, you're going to go to war and bleed.

The countries will be getting invaded,

left, right and center on a whim.

Oh, I know.

I don't like the way she looked at me.

I know.

Exactly.

Well, speaking of the way we looked at her,

me and this one female soldier caught eyes.

Really?

We certainly did.

And I sort of, I think she must have looked at,

because I was like looking behind.

And then maybe she thought that I was having a perv

rather than looking for friends.

And then when we caught eyes, I was like,

I'm not having a perv.

And then I caught eyes again.

I was like, now I'm perv.

Now I'm perv.

Now I'm perv.

And you think she was enjoying the perv?

Yeah.

Because she was sort of smiling at me.

And I was sort of smiling at her.

They made the whole thing so much more exciting.

What if she was like your Haley Sproul comedian?

Oh yeah, I do think that people know my face.

And Dabla.

And on the radio.

But the eyes weren't like, because if people see me

in a, and they're like fans or something,

I can tell that look, because they kind of go,

like, but like that.

Well, she was like.

I want to undress that one.

A little bit, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit,

a little bit, a little bit, a little bit.

A little bit.

Big call from you, because she literally could have just

been like, that's the host of the Great Kiwi Baking Show.

I think it was, that's the host of my heart.

Wow, wow.

There was a connection.

And then I went in and then I did that thing.

You know, when you're now aware that maybe you're sort of

wanting to, to impress someone.

And then I like.

Oh my God.

I know it's that.

You've seen me do this.

And I'm just like, who is this?

High school?

You have seen me do it.

You can say, I mean, everyone can see.

You can see it when I did that Jason interview.

I just like, get this like a whole embarrassing baby going on.

And then I got, I was so flustered by it,

that I got into my booth and I knew who I was voting for.

And I went and looked at the sheet and I was like,

and I like couldn't.

And then I was panicking that I had ticked the wrong box.

So I just stood there for ages being like,

there's the party tick on that one.

There's the person tick on that one.

So it's all thrown.

And then I had to leave.

And that's when it was like a bit of a club,

because I have a snake.

So you can't see what people are doing.

And when it was like missed,

she was going into the boxes as I was leaving the box.

So do you have another,

do you have another like a glance or another?

I tried, but she was then caved by the boxes.

Yeah.

Shields.

Yeah.

What could have been?

Me and.

Well, I think she just recognized me.

No, I was in the uniform.

The uniform sometimes.

Because they add like 10 points.

I've dabbled in military before.

Yeah.

And the real thing about the cops,

the cops at the tight sleeves.

No, absolutely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That would be really interesting one day

to talk about like when you saw someone in uniform

and you're like, and then you saw them out.

And you're like, oh, oh, it was the uniform.

It was terrible.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like when you see someone not on the ski field.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Very thin in the leg.

I did a bit of fix it.

Fixing at the weekend.

Did you?

Love a little fix.

So you remember like backstory

when I was before I retired as an influencer.

God, I loved your content though.

You taught me how to highlight the cheekbones.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

With the contouring.

This is, oh, I'd say a couple of years ago,

I got the new Dyson.

Ages ago, the stick Dyson.

Must be nice.

What V were up to then?

V, I don't know, but it's pretty, it's a pretty flash.

V12?

Yeah.

Maybe or V10?

No, V12.

I don't know.

I think we had the V10.

Well, this is the same question I had at the weekend

because I got some error lights and it wasn't sucking.

Gosh.

They think everybody goes, ooh, ooh, ooh.

Yes.

Because you know, they've got these filters at the end

you take off.

You've got to submerge them in water and wash them,

which is so weird.

But then dry them thoroughly.

Yeah.

Before you put them back.

So I did that.

And a couple of days later, I put it on.

It was all dry, the filter.

And then it was still going go, ooh, ooh, ooh.

And I was like, what the hell is this?

And I like emptied the thing and I put the filter on

and it was like, ooh, ooh, ooh.

And I was like, oh my God.

I don't know what to do here.

Sorry, does that sound one more time?

Do you get a bit of fluff?

Yeah, yeah, right.

Got a fluff in your pipe.

Well, now, so I took the pipe off and I looked down

and I was like, I can see the end.

Crystal clear.

And then I pretended it was a.

Did you redo?

Oh, well, I didn't get cancelled for that.

No, you're all right.

Gotcha!

Gotcha!

Gotcha!

We're going on film.

Gotcha!

Gotcha!

Mate, you're toast.

Although the way Australia voted at the weekend,

they probably wouldn't care at all, actually.

Nope.

They just don't.

They wouldn't.

They just don't.

That's, anyway.

That's another story.

That's another story.

I can't even.

Is that what it's called?

The big thing that has the whale thing in it that's on the floor?

I had a little child of, I've got metal chopsticks.

So I got one of those out and I was fishing around in there.

I was like, there's nothing there.

Put the thing.

I was like, so I looked online and it said that,

yeah, there might be a blockage.

And I was like, well, I've checked.

And then so I opened the thing and I saw a little nugget,

a white nugget.

And I was like, what the hell is that?

That sounds like what's been blocking your airways.

20 minutes of searching.

And it was a really, really, really old cheese ball.

Oh my God.

Do you know what?

It is, it's like a dog, a white dog poo.

And in the last thing you saw, a white dog poo?

Yeah, nothing was there.

How did it lose its color?

Because I've dropped a cheese ball under the couch.

Must have been on your house before.

And I remember it was gone under the couch.

When I was like, oh, wow.

I know, because I never look under the couch.

Unless the cats toys go under and I'm like,

oh, how long has that been there for?

I think there's a Maltesers still.

But it was that old that had gone hard white.

Like the yellow had gone from it.

And then all the cat hair had clumped around it

and it was blocking the thing that goes into the catchy thing.

Wait, so you removed it and then it was fine?

Yeah, I picked it out with the metal chopstick.

And then it was fine.

And I was like, yay.

So this whole time it was a dusty old cheese ball?

Yeah, but so old that it had gone white.

It had lost its color.

And it had shot up the tubing, wedged itself

on that next part where it turns.

I'd say that would be the one design flaw in those.

Yeah.

Is that hard?

It's a corner.

Often things do get jammed in there.

Tiny hole that goes into the cylinder

that catches all the dust.

Right.

Yeah.

So don't, if you drop a cheese ball at my house again.

Oh, sorry.

Yeah.

She's just admitted it's her fault.

I genuinely remember the day.

It's your fault.

It's your fault they're having cheese balls.

No, cheese balls are the ultimate snack.

They're superior.

And they always go, people always knock the cheese balls,

but they're the first thing to be hoovered up by people.

You are so right.

Everyone's like, how embarrassing.

And then hoovered up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Soon fact of the day, and during fact of the day,

we will give you the chance to win a double pass

to the Fletch Forn and Haley live show,

which is this Thursday at Auckland Sky City Theatre,

where we will sing the fact of the day jingle in front of,

eight, and you remember?

Yeah.

How many?

800.

No, 700.

700.

Seven.

Six.

Oh, seven.

700.

I don't know.

No, no, I black out half six.

OK, when there's a guest in the studio

or in the producer's booth,

I feel weird singing the jingle,

because it's so weird.

Do you?

And there's going to be so many people watching.

No, it's not real.

It's fine.

If you can make it along soon,

we've got a double pass to give away to the show.

And the audience is going to sing along with us.

It'll be absolutely fine.

Now, the Taylor Swift movie,

Taylor Swift, The Errors Tour,

the movie is out in cinemas,

and I've seen clips of people watching this movie,

and it's like a concert.

Like, you know, the little bit in front of the front row,

they're like up and dancing,

and it's a whole vibe.

Because I was, well, I was reading our cinemas,

and America have lifted their no dancing and singing rule.

Like, they had no dancing and singing rule.

Maybe, maybe rules did not be out of your seat.

I mean, I don't know.

That's the chindler's list, and people are, you know,

absolutely raving in the aisles.

Yeah, they were.

Hit down the lap, hit down the lap.

Hit down the lap.

Da, da, da, da, da.

Yeah.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

He's got a list.

He's got a list.

He's going to sing.

He's going to check it twice.

Da, da, da, da, da, da.

I don't know if that's...

That Hitler guy, he's just not nice.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

And I got a list.

Yeah.

It's all in black and white,

except for this little girl in red.

Oh, no, the little girl's dead.

Oh, no.

Sure, let's lose.

Spoiler alert.

Oh my god.

But, yeah, you can see why they had the rules.

You can see why.

They just couldn't stop the dance.

I mean, they need to have different sessions.

You know, they have, like, mums and bub sessions.

Yeah.

They need an audio sensitive.

Yeah.

Taylor Swift, just shut up and watch the movie sessions.

Producer, Carwine, which session did you go to?

Well, I went to the first session of the night.

So it was the first time I played.

But I was at a bougie theater.

and no one else is really dancing.

They stuck a ring, stuck a pompous, yeah.

I mean, my friends and I, don't worry about it.

We were singing and dancing.

I mean, all cinemas are bougie now.

Seat costs like $20 something bucks.

Oh, okay. Well, like a small one,

there's only like five rows of seats.

Honestly, I reckon you should have gone to a,

like a two, three, four hundred seat.

I know.

That's what I thought.

But I thought it was the concert.

Cause it's the concert day.

Yeah, it's just the concert.

Just the concert, yeah.

It's not a documentary Miss America, that kind of thing.

No, it's just the concert.

Lots of the songs, she did cut a few.

Of course. I mean, she's, she's on stage

like three and a half hours, yeah.

But it's like, you're just there

and you get so like all the shots are gorgeous.

Yeah.

And done so smoothly around like when she moves,

like the camera completely follows her,

like your eye is watching her.

It's, it was amazing.

But no friendship bracelet handing out.

No, no one was really dressed up.

Is that merch?

There was.

There are some popcorn buckets and there are cups

and the cups have like the little

It does sound like junkie.

It sounds like junkie.

It sounds like, it sounds like the sort of plastic

shit I would count all the way home from Disneyland.

Yeah, absolutely.

That's exactly what it was.

And you know, not cheap also,

but I impulse bought four cups for me and my friends

so we could have a little bubbles in them.

How much did that cost?

Too much.

She doesn't want to say, look, she looks like

How much?

Two cups.

Two and four friends.

Yeah.

It'd be like $19 a cup.

Oh.

It's got to come out.

It's got to come out.

Well, yeah, life, it's once in a lifetime, you know?

Do you know what?

And I think this is pretty cool.

It's pretty awesome because so many people

aren't getting to see it.

I mean, we know in New Zealand,

we did our best to see as many as we could.

Pause for applause.

Yeah.

Thank you, ZM.

Thank you, ZM.

Thank you, ZM for the tickets.

No one's got more Taylor tickets than ZM.

But so many people right globally can't see this.

And so basically this is the next best thing

and they're trying to create this awesome environment.

Let's not act like it's charity.

She's going to make, I've translated to New Zealand Dollars,

$340 million off the film alone.

Of?

We got enough?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing to her.

She is projected to make, in New Zealand Dollars,

about $4.1 billion from the Eris Tour.

So $80.

So nothing.

And it's a slow channel over there.

$80 was nothing, man.

Do you know what?

I'm like far out.

And I've been watching her and going,

oh my God, she does three hours every night.

She gives every audience the best show, right?

She never phones it in.

Just, I want to pause you here.

You could also be talking about my effort.

I don't watch three hours every day.

Yeah.

You never phones it in.

Never phones it in.

Given the audience, my whole all my effort.

Every morning you make sure it's the best show that day.

Yeah, correct.

You're right, actually.

So the parallels.

And then you go and sleep with that footballer.

I would.

And then you bring it into a whole new sport.

I'd be into his brother more.

His brother's a bit more of a big bearded bear for me.

Oh, you sent me a photo.

What?

Big bearded bearded bear.

Oh yeah, you're like the brother better than you're like the other.

Send me a photo of the brother.

Yeah.

But I was like, man, when I watched her,

I was like, man, she's working so hard.

Like you'd be exhausting.

I've been doing like, did five shows last week at an hour each.

Exhausting.

The amount of energy you give out.

Now that I hear that she's making $4.1 billion,

I was like, yeah, you better work.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

I do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do.

OK, now we will need to help tech help because my watch,

I bumped it yesterday and it went on to a weird setting.

And now it dings every time.

So we'll help you out.

How do I turn it off?

Turn it down on now on Thursday.

Our live show is happening at Auckland Sky City Theatre.

Haley chomping at the bit.

It's going to be a great night.

You love the stage.

Vaughn and I are just like, this is going to be quite weird.

Don't be nervous.

I feel Vaughn will have a couple of Westerns in there.

But like, attention to me.

Ab.

Absolutely.

I was going to have a Zoplacan cocktail.

Oh, no, Zopi's.

Is it not Zopi's?

That's not Zopi's for real.

It's the only ones.

Oh, no, you can't have any bloody.

A Zanny.

Zanny.

No, not that one.

No, it's just a low grade one.

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful.

Leraz, Leraz!

You're not.

No.

No.

Well, anyway, we're going to do the fact

that the day jingle live.

I don't think Haley's your doctor either.

We're going to do the fact that the day jingle live.

All the stuff we do on the show live on stage,

if you would like to come, we've got a double pass right now.

You do have to be able to make it to Auckland on Thursday,

this Thursday, a double pass.

Oh, 800 dials at him right now.

We'll give it to you.

Yeah, we did.

At the end, you were getting fresh air with your watch.

I dinged right.

You're all right, Grandpa.

Hey, you're all good.

Put me to bed.

Someone put me to bed.

OK.

Do you know what this show?

The live show will be interesting to see if Vaughan

can even just know where he is.

Come with me.

That's all I'll say.

So we've sung the song.

Just to confirm we've sung the song.

Now, today's fact of the day, and a theme this week, stamps.

You should probably run the themes past us from now on.

I'm going to say I'm not immediately turned on by this.

Because I think if this isn't a good fact,

we won't have a theme this week.

Yeah, we'll change it.

We'll change it.

Permission to left turn.

Stamps.

OK, go.

My great uncle had a stamp collection and it was in this shed.

This isn't the fact, but he had the stamp collection.

One of her kids, we thought it was funny and we would like pull these.

He just put it in the shed, so he kind of loved it that much.

But it was probably worth a fortune.

We used to pull the stamps out, lick them and stick them to ourselves

and be like, Australia.

And then they'd fall off and we'd just run around this.

Oh, look at this collection.

He had this massive old shed.

He had Cuban cigars in there.

Yeah.

And when we were kids, we had matches and we'd light them on fire

and blow onto them a bit.

Ha, shree, shree.

And then probably just dropped them on the ground

and we were lucky we didn't burn the place down.

Oh, my God.

It was this nuts shed.

We had no appreciation for it.

It sounded like we had choked up.

I'm not emotional.

Anyway, that's what I always think of when I think of stamps.

How many stamps did he have?

That was our friend telling us she got a snapper.

Well, I just want my watch to stop making the dinging noise.

It's never made this noise before.

Oh, I can fix it.

Yeah, well, we'll sort it out after this.

OK, I just can't very far.

You need to put it on silent.

So, this is so easy.

I learned this and I thought stamps were good.

I know it's going to be obvious when I find out how to do it.

It's not on silent.

No, because I know that's not right.

It's actually all solid out there.

That's not right.

Mine did it for a while as well.

OK, please, we'll sort this out afterwards.

I was listening to a podcast and they started talking about stamps.

And I was like, this is fascinating.

And this is where I learned today's fact of the day about stamps.

One of the main reasons they started printing stamps

for a non-practical purpose collection,

they started printing specific collective stamps is because technically

you're just giving the post office money that you it's like buying a voucher

for a place and being like, man, I like the look of this voucher.

I'm never spending it.

Oh, yeah. OK.

So they made millions.

The US have made millions and millions of dollars.

And the same with the New Zealand Post Office.

They make way more money off collector stamps

because it's a voucher.

Technically, you're never going to spend.

I see. I see I'm with you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not actually going to cash in it.

They never cash it in as a voucher.

But some stamps in some collection

collections have been sent in the past day.

Yes. Yes.

That's why I'm keeping all my courier bags,

because I reckon one day they're going to be with you.

You got that drawer full of courier bags.

Because I reckon like twenty one hundred and twenty.

Yeah. I'll be like, look, this is an original post.

Hey, this is PBT.

This is NZ Post.

This is from the now defunct Aramex.

Yes. They popped up and made an absolute meal of it.

Yeah, they did.

Throwing packages left front and center.

You can see here, this one's got scuff marks on it.

Yeah. Because they build it up the corridor.

Wow, cool, man.

I reckon. Thank you.

Follow that.

Yeah, I've got them all in a little folder.

Cool. That's going to be really cool.

Thank you. I look forward to that.

Yeah. Who are you going to leave it to?

You don't have children.

Well, do you want me to leave it to you?

Oh, yes, please.

Oh, get in line, mate.

Oh, yeah.

Put it in a shed.

Put it in a shed with your Cubans and Gars

and I'll get my kids to go and put their feet in it

and scuff around the place.

Yeah, so the first time this happened for the US,

they released a stamp and they noticed

it sold all of these.

Yeah, it was an out is one of the biggest ones

that happened to it was an Elvis stamp.

Oh, yeah, this massive.

The rule was you had to be dead for 10 years

before you could be on a stamp

and you had to be a person of political or cultural influence.

Like David Seymour.

Perfect, but he hasn't been dead for 10 years.

But so when and.

Gary, gotcha, gotcha.

God, they both just crossed their fingers.

Stop it.

Gotcha.

You're in trouble with that.

It could be the deputy prime minister come next week.

He'll have you both executed.

And then you wait 10 years and you can be on a stamp.

So 10 years after Elvis died in 1987.

Thank you for saying that we have cultural influence.

Yeah, cultural influence.

10 years after Elvis died,

the debate started on if they were going to have

old fat Elvis or young, hot Elvis on a stamp.

Young, hot.

Young, hot one, young, hot one by miles.

So they put on a stamp and they noticed

that all of these stamps were purchased.

Yeah, weren't getting put into circulation.

And they're like, we have just made so much money

releasing that stamp.

And because nobody was collecting the boring stamps,

it was hard to convince people to collect

George Washington stamps.

And we're like, we've had George Washington stamps for ages.

So they released the Elvis one and people just bought it

and just kept them.

Yeah, right.

And so technically it was like, you've just bought

the right to use something that you'll never use.

So it's cash in the back pocket.

Yeah, totally.

So that's the way they do it.

Yeah, right.

That's why they release commemorative stamps

that they will never be sent.

Because it's just basically like you're buying a voucher

that you will never redeem.

Do we want Stamp Week to continue?

Tease me for tomorrow.

You're not sure.

I'm not sure.

Morgan, you've won a double pass to the live show.

Congratulations.

Hello, thank you.

We'll see you there.

Yeah, going to be fun.

Okay, thank you.

Toodlepip.

Toodles on.

Toodlepip.

Toodlepip, hurrah.

Toodlepip, hurrah.

Hurrah.

Hurrah.

So today's fact of the day is that

collectible stamps make the post office so much money

because people buy them but never use them.

It's not gonna, Stamp Week's not happening tomorrow.

Oh, 100% is.

No, it's not a week this week.

Or maybe we'll have to put up a poll.

I'm not asking the people.

The people have no say.

You have no say.

Back to the day, day, day, day, day.

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,

doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo,

doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

Play, zirims, Fletch, Vaughn and Haley.

Funerals, typically quite a sad day.

Even if, you know, celebrating a great life.

A lot of tears.

And I find that that leads to people taking the day

very seriously.

So when anything goes wrong, it just breaks people.

just makes people burst into laughter because it's just so absurd that something silly would

happen in a funeral. Now this happened over the weekend, I believe. There was a funeral

occurring in Auckland, occurring in Auckland. It's a suburb, is it? Yeah, it's one of the

new suburbs. And the coffin was just floating over on its little rigs about to be lowered

down on the right. Oh, okay, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it a machine that does that,

by the way? Yeah, it's electric. Or people, electric ones. Oh, the old school way was

people. At the marae you do it manually and I'll come back to that. It was on a machine

and then just as it was about to get lowered down, a puppy jumped into the hole. A puppy

jumped into the hole. Where did the puppy come from? Wait, so there was a space under

the coffin before it was being lowered in. Oh, my God. Wait, what was the puppy doing?

No, you don't take a dog to a funeral? What's outside? You're at the graveyard? Take a dog

to a funeral. I don't think it was anyone's dog. It was a rogue. It was a rogue dog. I

think it was just like, okay, got loose. Oh, God. So as a puppy, you're not that attached

to it. If that happened, you're just abandoning it, right? Just drop down. I'm gone over there.

That's too embarrassing. Do you know at my Nana's funeral, so this was on the marae.

Wait, wait, wait, how did they get it out? Oh, someone had to jump in and get it into

the hole. So at my Nana's funeral, same thing, but it was all manual because we're on them

and I said ropes under the box. Yeah, like four men holding these ropes go, tossing it

over the hole. It's about to get lowered down. And then the guy goes stumbles, loses his

phishing, almost drops his rope and from his breast pocket, his phone flips out into the

hole. And everyone's like, and then who was it? One member of my family just goes, oh,

at least we'll be able to ring her. And everyone just went, that's good stuff. Then this guy,

who was just some random bypasser, jumped into the hole, got the phone and then hopped out.

And everyone was like, it's just so bizarre, but it really broke the ice. It was so funny.

And at least it was a random, like it was connected to the marae, but not our family.

Oh my God. And I remember all of us just being like, it's in the hole.

See, I'd go in the hole, but I wouldn't lie down in a coffin and have the lid shut.

But when he's in the hole, it was the same setup. The coffin was teetering above. So he had to slip

in between the sweat and move it out of the way. Oh, okay. So you're slipping.

Man is ready to go down, man. It's heavy. Anyway, who was it that, I was a friend of mine, they,

you know, the hole gets dug the day before. It was terrible weather overnight and they had

a tarp hole and over, but the wind blew up one corner and the whole kind of like semi.

You just push it down.

You just, you were going to pop her in the hole.

No, it was going to float. No, you put a couple of bricks on top.

So you'd weigh it down. You weigh it down with a knife.

No, I think they had to go and get like a, they had to go to a higher pool and get a submersible,

but then it had to be a submersible that could run off. It might have been a pool started.

And so they were waiting there and everyone's just like, oh no, a long time.

Everyone's singing how great they are. Anyway, I mean, look, they're horrible things,

but when things go wrong, it is funny. I want to know what went wrong at the funeral.

Could be something dramatic like this or just something, you know, like there's

always the bloody PowerPoints not working and the wrong songs playing and then, you know,

all the handle breaks off the casket. I gotta say, those boxes are heavy.

Yeah, I, I've never been a pool bearer. I have only one, but it looks like a horrible

amount of, three, yeah, three of my grandparents and it is, it's the most

nerve wracking when you pick it up and you're like, okay, that's not too heavy.

And then you start walking and you're like, oh, and then you turn around and you're like, who's

not? Yeah, I'm getting more than someone else. If you're on the front, right, the person in

the back left lifted it too high. So all the weight is pushed with you and then you're hands

sweaty and then you're like, I mean, there's both hands. Too much responsibility. Oh, I know.

Honestly though, if you ever carrying me dropped me, it'll be a good laugh.

We'll just probably push you. Biff me in the hole. Biff me in the hole. Don't even get a box.

I'll wait a hundred dials at M as a number. Give us a call. You can text her as well.

9 6 9 6. What went wrong at the funeral?

There are some hilarious messages and calls coming through. If we don't laugh, we cry,

you know, at funerals. If we don't laugh, we cry. A dog jumped into the, under the coffin and into

the hole as it was being lowered down in an Auckland funeral. So we've asked you what went

wrong at the funeral. Joe, what went wrong? My pot was getting taken away at the end,

like when they, you know, after the service and so on. And I'll super upset, but because I'm so

short, I took a step up on a ledge and took a wee step back and fell in the pond. Not only did I fall

in the pond, I was like flat on my back and covered in Poms gum. How deep was the pond?

It was, it was about, I don't know, up to maybe my knees, but I slipped because it was so slippery

and slimy, but my brother was just there, laughed at me and said, of course you wanted to, to, to

steal the thunder. So yeah. Oh my God. A bit of lighting to tame it for the day though.

Joe, thank you. Megan, what happened at the funeral? It was my Nana's funeral and they had

props her head up with a pillow and then they went to put this off and lid on and didn't remove

the pillow. So then when they opened the casket again, her nose was squished.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm so sorry about that. What was the reaction? What was the reaction

in the room? Was everybody more final? Well, I was kind of too young to notice, but it comes off that

all the family reunions. Oh my God. I know it's only Monday, but this could honestly be cooler of

the week. All in favor. Yeah. There we go. Megan, we're going to hook you up out cooler of the

week. Thanks to Mick. Have a $50 voucher. Awesome. Would you get your little fingers in

and blow your fingers in the nostrils and pull it out. We'll get to more of your tears.

What went wrong at the funeral? We do want to know that because a dog jumped into the hole

as the coffin was going down and we're getting some amazing stories on.

You just tuned in. You got to download the podcast. The great Nana's.

I know I had little tears after that. It was a lot. Julie, good morning. What went wrong at the

funeral? So I'm at the funeral of a family friend and the speeches are going and it's very nice

and the gentleman gets called up to talk about there's the person representing who at place,

right? This guy goes up and he starts talking and he's really nervous like he's holding the paper

and you know, he wasn't a comfortable moment for him. Halfway through the speech, we were looking

at each other like, what is this guy talking about? And he was talking about a guy and how

wonderful this guy was. It was a woman. And then anyway, someone just casually gets up and

then whispers something in his ear. He looks up and realizes that he's at the funeral home,

but he's walked into one of two services. Oh my God. No, no, it gets worse. Then he had to do

the ultimate walk of shame, walk up the aisle past 150 mourners going, you had one job, dude.

But it was really funny because the lady that passed away had a magnificent sense of humor.

So some of us were thinking, she said this up like, but then we realized he was serious,

like he was like probably reading the notes and he was delivering. And then he's going to go and do it

all again. I know. We were sitting at the back. So we were like, oh, sorry. We're so sorry.

We're so sorry to see you. Oh, that's so brilliant. That's so funny. He was a fantastic man.

I know it doesn't pop the Nanna's nose though. Yeah, the simplicity of Nanna's nose. Yeah,

the simple nature of the story was just as Julie, thank you so much for sharing so many

messages in. Oh my God, so many. My great uncle's best friend had a heart attack and died in the

doorway of the funeral place. What about there was someone was someone messaged in? Oh, we could

almost do a mini pod. Yeah, somebody said, yeah, and it was a funeral. The organist died mid song.

What do you do? Do you pause proceedings? I'd take them off the keys.

The whole ceremony. I counted 79 all rights today. Fletcher, but that's a new personal record.

Oh, f*** off. How many of those did you count? 79 of those two. All right, well,

if you enjoyed today's podcast, give us a rate and review. Oh, f*** off.

ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Hayley.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.