ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley: Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley's Big Pod - 15th September 2023

NZME 9/14/23 - Episode Page - 1h 21m - PDF Transcript

Transcript
Show Notes

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The ZM Podcast Network.

The Fleshhorn and Haley Big Pod. Treat yourself to McCafe coffee with My Mac's Rewards.

Good morning, welcome to the show, Fleshhorn and Haley Happy Friday.

Happy Friday, God, that's an upbeat tune, isn't it?

It feels like a motivational...

Yeah, God, you've had a bit of sleep. Have you had a bit of sleep?

I've had a bit of sleep.

She's chipper.

Mum, we got to bed at 7.30.

Oh, wow.

She's turned it around. She's turned it around.

I'm turning it around and I will continue to do so until I'm facing the same way I was.

Yeah.

So that's a full 360.

Yeah, right. Well, you're wearing your warriors.

How did you get a new warrior's jersey?

Yeah, that looks cool.

I was contacted by the people at One, the sponsor of the Vodafone Warriors.

The One Warriors and New Zealand Warriors.

They're doing well, so you call them New Zealand Warriors.

When they're not doing well, you call them the Auckland Warriors.

And they said, oh, you've got one of their OG warriors jerseys.

Yeah.

Which I have since learned is like a pre-warriors jersey.

Right.

Because it's got the Australian Rugby League badge on it.

But they didn't even play in that.

So it was when they announced that they were going to be a team designed to jersey.

They said, these are our sponsors.

Here's what the jersey is going to look like.

And I think my granddad got it for me.

Oh, my God.

He was a big league man.

And they said, if you've got the OG, you need the new one.

They sent me one of the rare indigenous.

Oh, yeah.

And they did indigenous design.

Yeah, that's cool, man.

Warriors jerseys.

That's sick.

Well, there we go.

Up the wires.

The wires.

Very excited now.

Tomorrow night.

Top six on the way.

Top gear.

They're still going this show.

It is.

Because all the old, the Money ones left, didn't they?

Yeah.

Your OG boys left that.

They're falling out.

And they went to Amazon.

Yeah.

And made one called...

Yeah.

I can't remember what that one's called.

But it's like the new, everyone probably just calls it the new top gear.

Yeah.

But there is still a top gear.

But they've had like a whole lot of injuries.

Especially, who was the cricketer that went on?

Freddie Flintoff.

He's the latest.

Loaned himself.

Yeah.

Really?

Proper ruined himself.

He was seen for the first time in months.

And that other guy had like two major crashes.

Like nearly killed himself twice.

Richard Hammond.

Yeah.

Well, he was in a rocket powered car.

And that's just...

I'm not great at maths, but I'll tell you what, that doesn't add up.

Yeah.

And he almost died.

He's been in a couple of really bad accidents.

So they're saying, you know, celebrities to drive around and race track as quick as they

can.

Oh, no.

And I'll just push it.

Wouldn't I roll it?

Yeah.

And I'll be in big trouble.

So I've got the top six new safe challenges.

Well, because there's a big health and safety investigation.

Yeah.

Which they say could shut the show down.

Good.

Yeah.

No offence, but it's not worth it, is it?

We'll delve into that in the top six.

Your chance to win some cash this morning without cash catch up.

Eight o'clock will play this morning.

But next on the show...

A divorce lawyer has shared his secret weapon that he uses to ensure that his client wins.

ZM's Fletch Von and Hayley.

I'm going to call this guy a young whippersnapper.

A young hotshot lawyer from the U.S.

His name is Robbie Witt and he's a divorce lawyer.

Okay.

For quite wealthy people.

Right?

Like a high-end lawyer.

That would be the best, most fun kind of lawyer?

No.

Oh, my God.

Watching families be torn apart.

No.

But also...

You'd be juicy, right?

There'd be some goss.

There'd be goss.

But I don't know if there would.

Most marriages end because they just don't like each other anymore.

Yeah.

You know?

And most marriages do end.

And rich people would just be like, would not accept...

This is the best we can do.

I don't accept that.

You'd constantly be going back, billable hours, don't get me wrong.

But just rich people are the worst people to deal with.

Yeah, that's true.

So this guy, Robbie Witt, has a bit of a tactic, I guess, when it comes to divorce proceedings

and if they go to the courtroom.

Do end in divorce.

Most marriages, most marriages end in divorce.

Why are you rushing into getting married then?

Well, you're not, really.

Would you call 13 years rushing?

No.

So what he does is if he has a female client that he's representing in the divorce proceedings,

he hires a sexy model to pose as her new partner.

Ooh.

And she says he loves seeing his client's ex-husbands spin into a jealous rage.

So he'll turn up and they'll have, like, hire this model, look an all-hot, be on the wife's arm,

and apparently it totally throws them.

They get...

What's the word?

Discombobulate.

Combobulate it.

Yeah.

And they get all flustered.

Is that going to help a settlement?

Because when he said he likes women in a rage, I'd be like, well, they're just going to go harder.

But apparently it totally throws them.

Right.

Yeah.

And so then he gets what he wants for his client.

Yeah.

Oh, that's quite cunning, isn't it?

Yeah.

He said as a divorce lawyer, if my client tells me that her husband is crazy, I believe her.

But it's my job to prove it to the court.

So you're basically, like, pouring gasoline on a fire.

Right.

If he's already, like, a jealous person or something's come out of there.

So this be one of those, like, recorded things so he can show it in court.

Like, here's the husband flipping out in a meeting we had.

Look at him.

Look how he's in a jealous rage.

Yeah.

He's an entirely new partner.

And this is what I'm saying about rich people.

They can't understand.

That's something he's rich.

Yeah.

But he's not as good looking as this other person, and that's something he can't provide,

and that's the insecurity of it.

And he flips out.

He said I'll even make up a fake job title to make it look like her new arm candy has a better job than her ex-husband.

Right of everybody in front of everybody.

I'll say, are you good?

Oh, he'll say right in front of everyone, like, to the model.

Hey, Jimmy, you're good to make it to the meeting next weekend because I know as a president of your company,

that might be a bit of a squeeze.

Yeah, dude.

These little shits are really going to rub something in your hands.

Lawyers, hey.

Lawyers.

And then he said usually the ex-husband lashes out at the side of his ex with an attractive man with a high-flying job.

And then he's got him on the ropes.

And then he's just showing, and he says he'll flip out, and then a calm matter.

I'll be looking at the judge being like, God, mate, look, my client needs to get away from this horrible person.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

You can see what she's been dealing with here.

Yeah, you can.

Well, we announced yesterday the Fletcher Vaughn and Haley live show.

It's going to be October 19th at Auckland Sky City Theatre.

All your favorite segments are going to be live on stage.

You're excited about this.

I am excited.

I'm really excited.

You'll have the piano out.

I will.

Yep.

You'll be performing.

I will.

You'll be getting your organ out too.

I'll be getting my...

Yep.

Will you be getting your...

You're going to jump on the recorder?

You worked so hard at that.

I did.

No.

I haven't put my mouth on a recorder for a long time.

I won't be doing it in front of the prep.

General tickets are on sale Monday morning at 9 a.m.

But there is a pre-sale, and that starts today at 9 a.m.

So if you want to register for that, just text LIVE to 9 6 9 6.

We'll file you back the link for the tickets this morning.

If you text LIVE or LIVE, we'll respond accordingly.

Yep.

All the details that set him online.

This man is Delta Snake 2002 on TikTok.

This son of a bitch is letting the cat out of the bag,

because fellow husband here also guilty of it.

Oh.

It's if you ever fix anything around the house.

You make it out to be a lot of a bigger task than it was.

Sometimes you take it to the garage and just chill in the garage for a few hours.

Right.

You're like, oh, I need to go.

Actually, I might just take it out to the screwdrivers.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

Take it out and then just have a bit of a chill in the garage.

Yeah.

Maybe tidy some stuff up.

Shout the garage doors.

Yeah.

Don't lend anybody in.

Have a cry.

Yeah.

Have a beer out of the fridge in the garage.

And then just go back in ages later.

Well, it's a very simple fix.

Yeah.

And you're like, I fixed that.

Right.

Well, he's told everybody on TikTok this is what he does.

He takes the battery out of things so they don't work.

And his partner will be like, oh, this appliance isn't working.

Yeah.

And he'll be like, oh, look, oh, bloody, give it a fix for you.

And then he fixes it.

And then he's like, fix that.

And she'll be like, oh, what was wrong with it?

He won't just have to replace the battery.

I put a battery back in it.

Yeah.

He makes it out that, you know, he's taken it apart.

Put some wires.

Oh my God.

So he breaks it.

Well, not breaks it, but makes it defective to fix it.

Yeah.

And then fixes it.

Who impresses his wife?

Well, he intentionally will take the battery out of things or not.

Or cut a wire or something or make them not work.

And then he'll make them work.

And then he gets treated like a hero.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's very.

But he's told everybody about it now.

So that's like the magic could be gone.

He's ruined it for everybody.

Yeah.

It feels a little bit desperate.

It does a little bit.

And like, does he not have enough stuff on?

Yeah.

He's just doing like, like I said, he's just taken some time out down in the basement.

Right.

This is playing with power tools so she can hear it.

Yeah.

Do you think maybe his wife is, you know, has a good income or something.

And so he's feeling like he needs to prove his contribution to the relationship.

Or she's just onto him and is just happy for him to like get out of her hair for a bit.

Yeah.

I love when Aaron's fixing shit.

Cause I'm like, good for you.

Yeah.

He's occupied busy.

It's like he's, it's like a kid when they find a like, you know, good, some good blocks

to play with.

Yeah.

They get a bit of, you know, they'll keep, they're playing with the blocks and it keeps

him out of your hair.

Yeah.

So he thinks he's, and then he comes back and he gets a little shoulder rub and he thinks

he's won the situation.

But she,

I guess it's a win-win for everyone.

Yeah.

They have a shoulder rub there.

It's deceptive though.

Isn't it?

Oh, it's whatever a good relationship is built on.

I think I'm not a relationship expert, but I believe deception is an absolute keystone.

All I imagine now is you, Vaughn, heading to your garage and tinkering on something,

but mostly sitting on my couch that I'm storing in there and just having a beer.

It's still in the box.

You can sit on the box.

I've got them all stacked on top of each other for maximum room.

God, how long has that couch been in there?

I'm going to laugh if the rats have gotten to it and started eating it.

Well, it's not Vaughn's fault, but.

Sir, there's no rats in my garage.

Maybe three months.

Sir, I paid extra for the rodent stoppers.

Oh, did you?

I paid extra for the rodent stoppers.

How dare you insinuate, sir.

Sir, sir, sir.

So please, sir.

Play it.

Siddhems, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fletch.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

This is the top six.

Just Fletch.

Vaughn and Hayley.

Thank you.

We contribute too.

Now, there is a health and safety review that will decide the future of the popular television show Top Gear.

And it's 30, third or 34th season?

Yeah.

Don't you think this review should have come a few years ago?

Well, that, do you remember that guy from the original Top Gear line-up, Richard Hammond, the rocket crash that nearly killed him?

He was in a coma.

That was 2006.

Yeah, that's crazy.

I feel like I've been on TV sets where if you trip over a cable, you have to file a report.

Yeah, I know.

And it gets fixed and there's a whole assessment.

These guys are crashing and nearly dying and it's still lasted 30 to three seasons.

And people as well are saying now that it's going to be impossible for them to get insurance for their presenters.

I've always wanted about that because they're not stunt drivers, they're not experts.

They're just car enthusiasts.

They're just enthusiasts, yeah, that were famous.

But as you said, Vaughn, you're a car enthusiast when it comes to the Land Rovers, so you'd go on being like, I love this.

And then flip a car going around a corner too quick.

You get excited, don't you?

I get excited, I get silly.

And this comes after former cricketer Freddie Flintoff appeared in public after his big crash on Top Gear.

And his face is like, oh, there's no easy way to put it.

It's munted.

Yeah, it's munted.

That's what the doctors, that's the official diagnosis too.

It's munted.

Oh, Freddie, you're munted.

But he nearly died.

And so, yeah, they're saying that after this health and safety review, that could be it for Top Gear.

Yeah, it's got a guy.

Yeah, well, let's not write it off yet, because I've got the top six safe Top Gear challenges.

OK.

For Top Gear guests.

Number six on the list are celebrities back trailers.

I think that would be pretty funny.

I bet you they've probably already done that, right?

I can't do it.

I love backing a trailer.

You go opposite to...

You go opposite.

But then the moment it goes too far, my moment gets too sharp.

You gotta fight back.

You're stuffed.

It's annoying in our car, our family car with the tow bar on it.

Like, if you've got a cage, you can see where the trailer's at.

But otherwise, the trailers sit too low.

Oh, yes, you can't even see it.

You can't see the trailer.

This sounds like an excuse to me.

No, I imagine it'd be good to back in a trailer.

Do you think you could back it down my skinny-long driveway?

Yeah.

I'll back it right up.

You do have a skinny-long one.

I do have a real skinny-long one.

I back it right up on your skinny-long one.

Once I've got it off the road, keeping it straight is easy.

Yeah, right.

It's dangerous your skinny-long one, too, because one mistake and those brand-new weatherboards.

They're hitting that new house, aren't they?

Yeah, you need some bollards up the side just to keep it off your window.

Some ram-rayed bollards.

Yeah, okay.

To stop you.

Yeah.

That'll go with your steter.

Yeah, I think so, sort of.

Just put it like a taxi doing me duck on top of this.

Country coffee?

That's the steter.

You could get, like, it could be, you know, on old wharves that'd be painted.

So boats wouldn't hit them, and then a top.

Yeah, that's nice.

There'd be a tyre around the bottom, and then a top of seagull nest.

Yeah.

Taxi doing me seagulls.

Now we're back on the steter.

Why not add an oracle theme?

Oh, gosh.

To the outside.

We are coastal.

As do your stainless steel.

As do your stainless steel fast things.

Dictate.

Number five on the list of the top-sex-top.

Not having a stroke.

You having a stroke?

You're right.

Top-sex-save-top-head challenges.

Changing a tyre.

Not everybody.

Not everybody can.

No.

I'd like to see some people do it.

Yeah, I'm pretty sweet.

Have you seen the nuts before you get it up off the ground?

Yeah.

Of course.

Yeah, of course.

I didn't know that.

Do you do that?

Yeah, because then you're not, like, putting too much, like, moving too much weight when

it's up on the jack because it could come off the jack.

Okay, I knew that.

Have you got a spare tyre yet?

No.

So what's this like a year later when you were caught short with nose?

Yeah.

Okay.

It's a year.

Every year.

Yeah.

Number four on the list.

Honestly.

Of the top-sex-save-top-head challenges, child stars get their restricted licence.

Oh, yeah.

You know it's child stars.

Great idea.

Want to get out there and get them in, get them getting restricted.

And then cut your time in half to a defensive driving.

Is that the rule?

Yeah.

That can be the follow-up season.

That was what it was with me, was you got six months off your restricted time if you

did a defensive driving course.

Yeah.

I didn't do it.

Dude, I did.

It was ruled.

We went to the, like, the little airstrip beside Hamilton Airport.

Yeah.

And they put these things on the car to, like, simulate, like, skiddy-skiddy conditions.

Oh.

Oh, fun.

It was a lot of fun.

Well, maybe I want to do one.

It's not too late.

You can do them anyway, can't you?

There was lots of like, yeah.

Always good to keep, you know, your defensive driving skills just polished.

Number three on the list of the top-sex-save-top-head challenges, politicians parallel parking.

I would actually like to see this.

Yes.

We're in an election cycle now.

Yes.

I'd like to see parallel parking.

Yes.

I don't know that David Seymour's got it.

No, that's why he draws that little wee car.

Yeah.

So he can just park.

Yeah.

Just drive in.

Drive forward.

And the rich politicians aren't allowed to use their car that's got that automatic feature.

Yep.

They've got to use a manual.

Old school.

No power steering.

And the green politicians can't be stoned while they're doing it.

It could help.

It could relax them.

Number two on the list of the top-sex-save-top-head challenges, drag racing drag queens.

Oh, yeah.

It's not really drag racing.

It's just because they're in drag.

Yeah.

It's by definition racing.

Safe.

Yeah.

So they go maximum speed of 50.

Yeah.

Drag racing home.

And number one on the list of the top-sex-save-top-head challenges, outspoken hated public figures

drive forward rangers to see if it makes them worse people or better people.

We could be creating the ultimate evil.

You're really jealous you don't have a Ford Ranger.

Here's Morgan and a Ford Ranger.

Do you know since we did the top six, what was it last week, about the signs that there

were more Ford Rangers on the road than ever?

Yep.

I have been bullied by so many Ford Rangers.

I'm not saying they know who I am when I'm driving, but I just have noticed a lot more.

Right up the arse.

It's a case of point.

Pull around really grizzly.

Pull back in.

They know.

They know to be on the lookout for a Jimny driver.

Yeah, because you're in a fake truck.

Big part.

Real cute and little.

Big part.

It's not fake.

It's a real truck.

It's very capable.

It's more of a truck.

It's a truck.

Ford Drive.

It's a truck.

I never claimed to be a truck.

It's an ultra-fun recreational vehicle.

Ultra-fun.

An off-riff.

Off-riff.

That is today's top six.

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I think the war between Gen Z and Millennials

is simply because we...

It's up there with World War II or one for you.

More of a naam.

Okay.

Yeah.

I think it's simply because Millennials are of the age

where we are no longer young.

Being a...

Like the Miley song.

Yeah.

Used to be young.

To me, I have only really just realized this year

that I'm not super young anymore.

And cold.

Yeah.

Well, I'm still cold.

Still cold, but I just think it's like...

Well, it sucks to be you because I'm bussin' over here.

Are you bussin'?

No cap.

Fact.

You need to touch grass.

Wow.

Okay.

It feels like you might have watched this video

because there's a chick called Bailey

who is a gen...

She's a Millennial in her 30s.

She's 33.

She's my age.

So she's elder Millennial.

No.

I'm elder Millennial.

Are you elder Millennial?

She's younger Millennial.

I'm straight Millennial.

You're straight.

Yeah.

Middle-aged.

Straight up the gats.

Most of the time.

Well, you're middle-aged Millennial.

Fuck.

That was close.

I think I hit okay.

Well, that is middle Millennial.

You're a middle Millennial.

Yeah.

Which is just like straight up the gats.

And you're elder Millennial.

I'm elder Millennial.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

Don't.

Let me claim you for a while.

This is like hurts anything.

So this Bailey, she's 33.

I'm 33.

I get it.

We're in the same point of life.

Yeah.

She works for a company.

And recently they hired a 19-year-old.

It was very Gen Z.

Very cold.

And they get on like a house on fire, right?

Okay.

Because, you know, maybe she looks at her like a mother figure.

No.

But they just get on and she was like, man, I've been working with this 19...

I still feel young, but I've been working with this 19-year-old.

And I've learned a thing or two.

And she's like, split it up into these like lists of things she's learned.

The first of which is that she is no longer 19 is her first point.

Right.

Things she's learned from her Gen Z workmate.

She's learned about...

And I wonder if Shannon is our resident Gen Zia.

If you'll be all over these things that she's learned.

Number one is DHgate.

That's a website that Gen Z's love.

Yeah.

It's for not so authentic designer goods.

Okay.

DHgate is a Chinese business to business and business to consumer.

Cross-border e-commerce marketplace.

It's the sale of manufactured products from late suppliers.

Yeah.

People who search for DHgate also search Sheen.

Oh, Sheen.

Yeah.

So this Bailey learned that DHgate's how they're getting all their cool stuff and looking

like they're rich, but for cheap.

Yeah.

And then in her millennial head, she's like, that seems illegal.

My Gen Z's like, grow up, boomer.

I thought Gen Z was supposed to be like pro environment and ethics and...

I will say this from America.

So maybe our Gen Z's are slightly different.

I think we pick and choose some.

Well, I pick and choose.

Yeah.

So if something's being shipped from China and it's a knockoff, that's okay for the environment,

isn't it?

Because you're buying it for you.

Because China has to deal with that pollution.

That's China's problem.

Yeah.

But also, I wouldn't say that designer labels are the most ethical themselves, you know?

Yeah.

Okay.

They're justifying it.

It's a bit of a girl mask.

But that's why Carlin comes to work in hemp sex that she's made herself.

Yeah, she does.

Itchy, though.

She's constantly itchy.

Yeah.

She takes them down to the river and smashes them on a rock, though.

Yeah, she does.

She starts to soften up the fabric.

So the second thing she learned is that it's all about comfort.

We don't wear heels to town anymore.

We wear Air Force ones.

Oh, absolutely.

Now I've long since given up heels.

I guess I'm still relevant and cool on that.

Yeah.

Way.

Number three, Sophia Richie is everything and apparently incredibly important.

Who is Sophia Richie?

Is she Lionel Richie's daughter?

Yeah.

Is she Nicole Richie's little sister?

Yes.

She just got married.

She got married and she does her hair in a certain way.

Yeah, she did the slick back bun and then it's become the Sophia Richie bun.

I don't know.

Yeah, when she got married, her dress became like the moment.

Well, apparently she's very important.

I don't know.

She's very strange.

A rich person.

Of course she did.

Jesus, she was born when I was 16 years old.

One of her revelations, Snapchat's everything.

You don't ask people for their phone number anymore.

You say, what's your Snapchat?

Oh, no.

I was talking about Snapchat the other day to my daughters because they love Snapchat.

Right.

But I honestly did not see Snapchat surviving.

Neither.

I didn't see it having a resurgence.

It was huge in 2013.

2013 was like peak Snapchat.

Yeah, man.

It was a particular use.

So I would never just send a snap anymore.

But Carmen and I talk on it every day.

We send little vlogs to each other.

You just set your phone up and be like...

You hang out for hours a day.

Why don't you just do it on Messenger?

Well, no, because then you can just reply when it's convenient.

We'll set it up.

Also, videos on Messenger can only be a minute.

Yeah.

Wait, how long can Snapchat videos be?

Oh, we go for like five minute videos.

We might as well have a Skype.

Oh, my God.

He's talking a lot.

He might as well Skype.

Stop being in love with each other.

We'll set it up and I'll be like,

here's how I'm doing my hair today.

And then we'll like do our...

Wait, so there's like five there's four in the morning.

Yeah, sometimes.

But most of the time it's in the afternoon.

We talk for like five minute chunks at a time.

Why don't I just do a video call?

Office romance.

Just do a video call.

Send a Skype link.

No, because I can listen to it while I'm doing something else.

Send me a Teams invite.

More things this millennial learnt from her GenZ workmate.

Dating's bloody grim for the GenZs.

Far more grim than it was for us.

I think the pandemic stuffed that up.

The eighth...

Well, one of the revelations she learnt is that

they're little hustlers.

They're very capable, more so than we were.

They'll just hustle.

They're selling this, selling that, selling their feet.

Selling feet pics.

Yeah.

I'd say they're hustlers.

It's such a fun...

Like, I would go and follow her.

What's her name?

Bailey's...

Bailey's Henry.

Bale's Henry.

Because she's got like three parts of these.

And if you're a millennial, you're like,

I can't keep up.

It's actually...

You're just taking notes.

Yeah, right.

Is it education?

One of her things was that,

yeah, you don't use sentences anymore.

It's just words.

Wait till they find out that a sentence is just a series of words.

With a bit of punctuation.

Mid.

What?

Sus.

Mid.

Felt.

The vibe's mid in here.

What's mid mean?

Mediocre.

Ah.

Like, meh.

Mid.

Yeah, mid.

Okay.

Some ginsies speak peppered throughout the show.

That's because you're now educated.

That's because I'm now educated.

Yeah.

Play.

Sidiims, Fletchvon and Hayley.

Fletchvon and Hayley.

Silly little po.

It is so silly, silly, silly.

That is silly little po.

Silly little po.

Today's silly little po.

When you're wearing a skirt, what do you do when you pee?

Do you pull down the skirt?

Or do you hitch it up?

Now, this came to me the other day because I was wearing a skirt

and I went to the toilet and I pulled it down like it was a pair of trousers.

Yeah.

And then I was peeing.

And then I was like, why don't I do that?

Because you know, but there's no maintenance in pulling it down.

If you pull it up, you've got to hold it.

Yeah, because then when you wipe, if you're a stand up to wipe,

or even if you're not, you've still got a lot.

You've got to have one, I'd imagine one hand or arm has to be holding the dress.

The skirt.

Yeah.

No, dresses don't apply.

Dresses always hike it up because you're not going to peel the top off.

But skirts present as pants at the waist.

Yeah.

But fall as a skirt below.

Is this the same as when old mates at urinals hike up there, a leg of their short

and just flop it out, flop their dirtle out the bottom?

Oh my God.

You have to be wearing...

Canary shorts.

Shorty shorts for that.

In summer, if I've got a wide leg short, I might just hook the undies to the side.

What?

Are you kidding?

Sometimes.

That's grim.

Especially if I'm more like tucked in, if I've got a top tucked in and stuff,

I'll be like, are you yank?

Just hook the undies.

Okay.

You're really risking some...

Yeah.

Ways on the inner leg there, guys.

The other thing is, if you were using a public toilet, you know, sometimes these

wetness on the floor, like someone's washed their hands in these...

That's what it means, you hike it up.

The further through the night or the day, whenever...

Yeah.

The floor gets wetter and wetter and wetter and wetter.

Because you've got to think, when you pull down your pants, the ankles and your shoes

kind of stop them from getting on the floor, but with a dress, it's already...

That's all over it.

So it's already flowing on the floor.

Yeah.

Well, the results are in, 6% of people pull down the skirt, and 94% of people hike it

up.

I thought that would have been a lot closer.

Do you want to read some feedback, Borny?

Yeah, I'll dip it down some feedback.

I don't know.

That's a part two.

So I've got to find part one for that one.

What's this above it?

Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, sweaty.

Do you want me to do it?

Of course, hike it up.

Feels way too vulnerable to pull it down, says Emily.

Part two.

Dropping it must be the equivalent of a dude dropping his trowel to pee at the urinal.

But women also drop their trowels to pee when we sit.

Okay.

I've actually walked into urinal.

What's in a guy's pants?

It's the best.

I respect them so much.

Like a toddler.

That's how you used to pee when you're at primary school, right?

Yeah.

It rules.

Yeah, it's hilarious.

All the way down.

Um.

Georgia says, depends.

Majority of the time it's hiked up, unless it's a short denim skirt, then it's going

to be pulled down.

Yeah.

I also agree.

Oh, is that because the denim can't go up?

Sometimes it's like tight.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And also the denim.

If you put your legs a little bit further apart, it'll hold it off the ground.

Like a pair of shorts.

Yeah.

Put your legs further apart.

I'm trying to think how far apart my legs are when I pee when I sit down.

That's what I do when I, if I'm sitting down on the toilet in my pants, I always put the

legs further apart to give it a tautness.

A tautness.

So it doesn't touch the gross floor.

Touch the gross floor.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, this is if you actually have to use a public toilet.

Yeah.

Maria says, honestly, why TF would anyone pull it down?

Yeah, I think we've covered that actually, Maria.

I think we've covered a few options there.

Yeah.

Ash says, for mid-long skirts, pull it down.

I'm paranoid.

I'm a dunker in the toilet.

Otherwise, see, so if she's worried, she pulls up.

Yeah.

She could sneak down into the toilet.

Yeah.

Hike it up.

Joanna says, hike it up and tuck it under my massive tits.

Oh my God, like a little door, like a little, like a little paper weights.

Yeah.

Like an anchor point.

Yeah.

Like a 3M master hook.

Yeah.

Go on you, man.

Great use of your massive tits.

Good for you, Joanna.

Joanna.

Laura says, unless it's a pencil skirt, then I pull it down.

So she'll pull it down if it's a pencil.

Same reason, I reckon.

Can't hike it up.

Yeah.

Can't go up.

So got to go down.

Yeah.

Got to get up to get down.

Danny says, that's one of the main perks of wearing skirts and dresses.

You can hike it up to your boobies to pee.

Just make sure you don't tuck it into your undies when you pull it back down.

Oh, yeah.

That's a risk.

What are your friends using their boobs to?

Everyone's using their boobs as some sort of latching.

Using their boobs to?

Everyone's using their boobs as some sort of latching device.

And Lisa.

It's Grumpy Lisa.

Is it Grumpy Lisa?

Is it?

It's Grumpy Lisa.

Oh, it's Grumpy Lisa.

Is it here?

Oh, she knows.

She knows she's been labeled.

Haven't worn a scooter address since the form.

But I would hike it up when I did go for a pedal.

So she's near doesn't wear skirts.

She always wears slacks.

So she always wears slacks.

Jeans.

Slacks and slacks.

Grumpy pants.

She's got her grumpy pants on.

On a real picture.

She should put a skirt back on.

Yeah.

And she might not be as grumpy because she keeps putting on these grumpy pants.

Yeah.

She's got her grumpy pants.

That's a little poll.

Play ZDM's Fletch Vaughn and Haley.

I don't know if I've talked about this on air.

I've talked about it on the podcast.

It might have been mentioned in passing.

But towards the end of last month, the gym I go to put up a thing saying steps

challenge next month.

The gym always does challenges.

I don't know why you got roped into it.

Yeah.

Because it wouldn't encourage me to join a gym if they were like, we do challenges.

Yeah.

But maybe I'm the wrong sort of person.

Because I am a solo creature.

I just go and I watch my shows and I run on my treadmill and then I'll do the step

machine.

I'll do some dumbbells.

No.

Yeah.

But what do you call it when you only do something to say, I did that, you know, like, I don't

really have a passion for it.

A token.

Some token weights.

Okay.

Yeah.

Hurray.

I did a weights.

Yeah.

There you go.

And then off home I go.

And then towards the end of last month, this thing went up and it says steps challenge.

And it was the first to 300,000 steps.

And the gym goolies, now that wasn't meant to send condescending, although I am aware

it did.

The ladies that work at the gym said, you should do this challenge because you come and you

just run on the treadmill and you do the steps.

Yeah.

This is a challenge that you could partake in.

And I said, now I'm all right.

And then they kept howling, man.

I was like, Jesus, okay.

So you did it.

But then I said to them, I don't do these sorts of things because I get too competitive.

It was, I had a bad streak when I played competitive sports.

Yeah.

I got to get very angry.

And you're stubborn too.

You're stubborn, angry.

You get angry.

There's something deep inside, a dark passenger that I have to push down and playing competitive

sports.

Wow.

Starts bubbling up to the surface.

Yeah.

But anyway, I got talked into it.

So I was like, well, it was on.

This is, this is going to have to happen.

So a way I went and it was the first to 300,000 steps.

I had to send a screen cap at the end of the day or the start of the next day of your steps

from the previous day as recorded by your watch or something.

And so I was, I hit the ground running.

I was like, well, I've got to win.

Yeah.

And that was the thing.

And I went to the gym every day and I was running like 12 Ks a day at least.

I was generally doing, I did a few 15 kilometer days.

And then I'd come home and shut up and be like, are you going to have an afternoon rest?

I'd be like, no, I got to get my steps up.

And then I'd do dumb things and I'd get all my steps up and such.

And I was winning.

Yeah.

And I remember you saying, you were coming in most days saying, I'm in the lead.

I'm in the lead.

And we were like, I'd say, I'm in the lead.

I'm winning.

We were like, old something.

You and I had a conversation.

Smithy's got this in the bag.

Absolutely.

And then.

Because once you start winning and going, I could win it.

Now you really want it.

You want to win it.

I want to keep going and you got to keep ahead.

And then I got an update that someone was only 3000 steps behind me.

This Callum character.

Oh my God.

Now you're running everywhere.

This is it.

You sent a photo of Callum.

I talked to the gym Instagram account and I was like, followers with the name Callum.

And then I scrolled through and I'm like, well, not that guy doesn't live in the country

tomorrow or something.

And I found him and I was like, that looks like a guy who takes steps.

Seriously.

He's wrapped.

He is a locker.

He's a locker.

It's my new phone background.

The guys in the group chat were team Callum instantly.

But we were always loyal Vaughn.

No, he was team was though.

Ryan was big.

He was big team Callum.

He's got a crush on you and it's never going away.

And I appreciate that he stuck by me when everybody else turned tail and ran to Callum's nipples.

And then I thought, well, I'm now I'm doing it on behalf of aging, um, tubby white guys

who said they can do something and I'm doing this for people without Callum's physique.

Yeah.

And then they said my stalking brought up.

Does he have a fitness Instagram?

He's got a standard account and a fitness account.

He's a fitness freak.

What's that?

That was the one you saw.

That was the one.

Yeah.

The profile.

That's the top list back.

The fitness account.

Yeah.

So then.

And then he's 3000 behind me.

I'm like, well, I need to step it up.

Yeah.

And did a couple more.

Step it up.

Step up the steps.

And then, uh, despite my efforts and my increased, uh, I hear that Callum has passed me.

And then, and then he's just 300,000.

Yes.

And then he's just passed me.

And then all of a sudden he's 10,000 ahead of me.

Oh no.

And I'm like, how is this happening?

Who wants to win?

I say Sophie.

Sophie.

How is this happening?

This is Sophie at the gym.

Now this is when you were like at work and you said to win this, I've got to go home

and run a marathon.

Which is impossible.

Right?

Yeah.

On a Tuesday.

Was it a Tuesday?

Absolutely.

Like not enough training.

Yeah.

Already suffering.

Chafing.

Your nips say.

No.

The nips have passes on them.

Okay.

I had developed shorts.

A slight, um.

Oh, I don't think.

A sensitivity around the nips from the past has constantly been put on and pulled off.

Put on.

Yeah.

Surely there's a better way.

Isn't there like a man bra?

Like a man crop top?

There should be.

I don't know if I'd wear it though.

A little.

Draw the line.

It's a little.

That's probably where I would draw the line.

Yeah.

And then, uh, so I said that was going to be, and then I talked about this and Callum actually

got in touch.

Well, well, well.

And it seems that Callum is getting them holiday steps.

It's been a holiday.

Oh.

But he's also been getting the holiday steps, but also going for a run.

Thus, the dramatic increase in steps per day.

So then, uh.

That sucks, mate.

I'm sorry.

And then, and then Callum messaged me and said, did you finish today?

Oh.

As you said you were going to.

Yeah.

And I said, no.

And he's like, okay.

And then.

Did he say suck it?

Then I get a message saying he finished.

No, no.

He was very gracious.

Oh.

Which was even more annoying.

Yeah, I know.

He doesn't know the kind of person that would have a single bit of chafing either.

No.

He said to me, he's chafing.

He said he's very sore.

Oh.

He's got chafing.

He's got a bad back.

I was like, fantastic.

Cause I don't look like you.

And I'm also experiencing all of these things.

Yeah.

So that just goes to show you, you can have abs.

You're still going to chaf and have sore back and knees.

Yeah.

Okay.

So.

And you probably don't get to enjoy just eating whatever you want.

Yeah.

You need to get a pair of skins like leggings under your shorts.

Yeah.

But still wear shorts though.

I don't.

I still wish.

Oh my God.

I know when you see a man just in skins, you're always like, what are you up to?

Oh, yeah.

I can see your whole penis.

Yeah.

No, no, no.

Definitely not.

I can see the absolute shape and ridges and grooves of that thing.

Mostly a bad thing, but sometimes it's a good thing.

Sometimes it's a great thing.

So then yesterday, I had 14,934 steps to go to hit 300,000.

And I did 23,000 steps yesterday.

So I finished at 308,000 steps.

Oh, good for you, mate.

Since the 1st of September.

And I will not be going to the gym today.

Who's up to get drunk at midday?

Yeah.

We do this every Friday.

Final rankings.

We rank normally it's food stuff.

But today with the Warriors playing this weekend.

The Warriors.

Up the las.

You're wearing your Warriors, the latest Warriors uniform.

The Warriors.

This was their special Indigenous shirt.

Yeah.

I want that.

It's cool.

I just squeezed into the...

Up the Maori designs.

To Chardais.

To Chardais Warriors jersey.

For a petite woman.

I had to take it off because I was having trouble breathing.

Yeah, it was tight.

And so we've decided today for final rankings to rank our favourite sports uniforms.

Any sport.

I think in order of sexiness.

Yeah.

Because I got it.

I'm baffled.

I've got to say that all Blacks uniform is hot.

Is it because now...

Like we were just saying when we were squeezing into this Warriors top.

Like when you look at old rugby games.

Even the 2000s.

Yeah.

And they're playing in these baggy cotton.

Yeah.

Cotton.

Stubbies.

Like thick men.

The chafe on those stubbies.

Whereas these are like ultra light.

Sweat wicking.

Yeah.

And skin tight.

The All Blacks have skin tight.

So then they can't bloody grab onto you.

They've got great leather jerseys.

Yeah.

But they've got those...

I saw the All Blacks jerseys.

Like ripped.

Grip.

Yeah.

On that thing for packing down into scrums.

So when you touch them you just like...

God I love to touch one.

Because I think the All Blacks uniform is super sexy.

And I think more because like a lot of sports uniforms.

Because they rip like the colour.

You know they get a bit garish sometimes.

You know like...

You're talking the Dutch.

The Dutch love an orange.

They love an orange.

Yeah.

Dutch teams love an orange.

And you're like it's hard to look hot and orange.

Well their hockey team sure does a great job.

But are you saying rugby uniforms would be one?

Because...

So you want to do it by sports?

I think we've got to do it by sports.

Not specific teams.

Yeah.

Rugby uniforms is definitely one.

I mean marching uniforms we can't go a mess.

You've got tight little jackets.

Oh no.

No.

Tiny little bouts.

Mini kilts.

White leather boots.

The male equivalent of the marching uniform is the bullfighting outfit.

Yes.

Yes it is.

You're like tight with a bit of flair.

Yeah.

Like a bit of sparkle.

Horrible sport but beautiful outfits.

Yeah.

Not marching.

It's not a horrible sport.

It's not even a sport.

Not a sport.

I will...

I quit.

What about badminton?

I'm ringing Ross I quit.

What about sexy badminton uniforms?

What is a badminton uniform?

Isn't it like a tennis uniform?

No.

No it's not.

There's not a uniform.

You've got to do so much lunging.

Yeah.

What about tennis?

Tennis is like a polo.

No it's not a uniform.

They wear what they want.

No we're brands.

That same thing.

It's a t-shirt.

It's a polo or a sports t-shirt.

And shorts.

It's the women's tennis.

When they wear those little skirts and stuff.

Little tight in there.

Shoulders are popping.

That's hot.

Is that on your list there?

If we're talking about hot or if we're talking about sexy.

What about horse racing?

I don't know.

We've seen those Joppers.

The Joppers.

I thought you were about to say...

Oh those pants.

Those Joppers.

Joppers.

The Joppers are nice.

The blazes.

The jockeys and the silk long-sleeved t-shirts.

That's not going on the list.

Blame.

That is not going on the list.

That is a lame.

I thought you were going to say volleyball.

Well I wouldn't know that.

I'm not undeniably hot.

Both for me and in woman.

Yes.

Because I would go swimming right, because you're very revealing.

But then they've got to wear those stupid caps and the goggles

and certainly what the sweetness is taken out of that.

It's all about performance.

There's really not much uniform really when you think about it.

No.

What about sprinting?

What about you're running?

You're track and field.

You're like the tight shorts and the tight tops.

Now the shorts with awkward length.

Awkward length.

shorts. They're too long. You don't think they're a sexy length? What about the fact

that you can see what's jiggling? Like that, like that. What about 80s basketball? Like

70s 80s basketball, where the singlets were long, like they are now in slimline. They

were just chucks. And the tiniest little shorts with these like daddy long legs. Yeah, because

70s basketball players were lanky. Now they're extremely muscular. This is probably going

to go along the same lines as when we ranked for final ranking sexiest sports people. Yeah,

swim is a what we just appreciate the effort, the professionalism about the uniforms. This

is about the sports uniforms. Okay, give me your top three. I'm going to go basketball

just because if you're wearing a basketball uniform and then you are hot and you get the

biceps biceps all day. The shlong hangs loose in the shorts. Big shoes. We finally find

the reason. Some of them wear like the Miami heat. Some of them wear those protective sleeves

underneath and it's like bop bop bop bam at a bio bam at a biceps. Am I right? Basketball.

Rugby is second. Marching number one. And I say that hating being objectified. Of course

you would say that what you're going to you're going to tell me that when you go to the military

and you're walking around in high leather white boots and a tiny mini skirt with bronze

legs, you're not seeing a reaction or two. Such a major. I don't actually know if I've

got a top three. You have to go then. Final rankings. It's number three is netball. Yeah,

those one little dresses. Yeah, the drip the netball. Number two is the hockey. The one

piece. God, I sound pervy, but she went first. For some reason, the big shlongs and the biceps

and all I'm doing is sir, if it's all right, and if it's not offensive to anyone, I would like to

mention that I think females, the female hockey one piece. Great. And beach volleyball. Number

one, the end onto you, sir. Please. Can I change my number one to specifically Tohu Harris and

his warriors uniform? You what you're changing from marching to one specific one specific man.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Skeet shooting. Number three. Yes. Practical. It's the best, isn't it? It's

the best. Shoulder fly fisherman. Number two, because of the pockets. So many pockets. By the

way, I will pass. You know how we talked about there's the travel hack for taking a fly fishing

jacket and put fill up all the pockets, fill up all the pockets. Huffer. I saw when I walked

past half of the other day, they had like a jacket like that. And I was like, oh, so now it's

really cool. We made it cool. They probably responded to us. And it's probably like it's

probably it is expensive. I'd say one minute. I'd say to be up there, go to hunting and fishing.

Well, you don't have a brand marching, isn't it? Marching. Yeah. Marching number one. I knew

would be. Oh, there's a little tag. No, they look silly. They're little fairies running around.

They're little pixie boys. We're not we're not agreeing on anything today for final rank.

No, we agreed on the one marching. Mini kilts. Okay.

All people are a gift. I just think that are just the best people. And when they get things wrong,

it's just it's just the best. And it's a gift. Now someone has shared that they're Nana.

Because this is going to be us one day. Yeah, if we're lucky.

What do you mean? If we live long enough to make mistakes? Anytime my mom has a birthday,

everyone's like, oh, God, getting old. She's like, yeah, what a privilege. Yeah. Because the

alternative is dying. Yeah, that's great. That's sinking for a Friday. Getting old is a privilege.

So there's a woman who shared on TikTok that are Nana who has a phone. And of course,

it's a phone wallet, you know, it's a little flower. Yes, of course it is. Yeah, phone wallet

and just got to open like this. And then she's got a small handheld torch, like a reading light,

and she's shining it on the thing because she doesn't know how to turn the brightness up.

But you know, every time your phone is exposed to bright light, it darkens itself.

You can turn that off. No, no, no, it brightens itself up. Yeah,

the auto. Yeah, it's gone right down to that, right? Like the dimmest setting. She's like,

God, I can barely bloody see this thing. She's got this torch. Would it just be keeping it dim?

Oh no. Oh my God, I know. That's so cute. It just says POV. Your Nana's been using a torch to see

her phone because she doesn't know how to adjust the screen brightness. Now this is where grandchildren

come in, right? And they're like, here you do this. You swipe up here. She's got an iPhone. You

swipe down and you drag it up. And then the next time you go over and then she writes it down.

It's bloody gone down again. And she writes it down. When screen goes dark, swipe down from

top right hand corner and little and drag up little bar above little sun. Using finger.

Because my pop had a TV with a VHS. You'd watch videos and DVD player and all that kind of stuff.

And on the console, I guess that you'd have the TV on was a little refill cut out,

sellotaped on that was like, use gray remote to turn on TV. Switch to black remote to change

channel. Select this thing to do that. And it had all the instructions just for him.

Yeah. Because my uncle had gone over and been like, this is how it works.

It's better when you get to see an old person's remote where they're not supposed to touch anything

on that one except for the on button, the volume and like the HDMI to change to

sky or the VHS or whatever. And everything else has got a piece of paper taped over and it's

sellotaped with leaky tape. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do not touch anything on this remote apart from

the on button and the volume button. I went to bed early last night and I, as I was falling asleep,

I got a text from my mum. Not that she's old. She's early six days with it's me, my mum and my

brother's group chat. We don't bother my dad with this malarkey. How do I get data on Dennis's new

iPhone? Now Dennis is my godfather. He's in Italy with them at the moment. He has a new iPhone,

but doesn't come up with 4G, 5G or anything. Well, it sounds like roaming is not turned on.

Yeah, I know. Don't turn Dennis's roaming on. That'll cost him a fortune.

He's, he's good for it. He's your godfather. Absolutely. Yeah. You had, you had another

godfather, but when you, you know, we're about 13, you're like, actually, no, I'm sorry. It's

Dennis now. Dennis is fine. And then at midnight, my brother said, has he got mobile data in his

SIM card? How can we tell? Says mum. Has he put the SIM card in it? Mum, yes. Sam, go setting

mobile, mobile data, make sure that's on accompanied by screenshots. I mean,

this is just endless life being a young person. He's a good boy. He's a good boy though,

because he put screenshots. This is what you have to deal with at Christmas when you go home.

I know. There's all kinds of tech issues. I don't know how to get the bloody thing going, Hailey.

Can you just do it? Yeah. I want to know the tech issues that you've had, you've come across with

the elderly. It could be appearance. I'm not calling my parents elderly, but, but with elders,

older people tech issues. Older people tech fails. Like how badly wrong did they get it?

Yeah. And how big was the first generation that used to get a manual for your car,

and it would tell you how to adjust your timing, like belts and stuff. I know you'd read it.

And they'd be like, oh, yep, I'll adjust that. And you know, we just look at it like,

help me mechanic. Yeah, totally. But they're the same ones that are now just like, now do something

for this phone. Turn it up. Turn it up. It's not ringing. It's not ringing. Yeah. Yeah. As you say,

they could literally jumpstart any car. They can do anything to a car. Oh, yeah. And they can hear

it and be like, I know what's wrong with your car. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, give us a call.

I'll 800 dahls at M. We want to take your calls now. Text through 9 6 9 6. We want to hear your

older people tech fail stories. Yeah. What did you have to fix? And maybe it was super easy.

We want to hear the tech fails that you probably had to deal with yourself.

Yeah. From someone older in your life, but your parents, your grandparents,

because there was a nana on tiktok who was shining a torch onto her phone because she didn't

know how to turn the brightness up, which is very cute. It's just the dearest thing. It's just so

cute. So damn cute. We asked on the gram says some of the responses. Nikki said my mom had no data.

And so she thought her Google fell off as it wouldn't work. She was trying to Google something.

I think my Google's falling off. I think my Google's falling off. Yeah. Joanna said during

the COVID tracing app. Yeah. Situations where there were QR codes everywhere.

My mom's photo album was just full of photos of QR codes because that's how she thought.

Oh, she was taking photos. Yeah. Also, can we just run a check if you're off to work today?

Yes. You work anywhere you work. If you see a QR code, let's take it down.

Yeah. Can we just? You know, I heard yesterday how many people are still using the Bluetooth

tracer app. There's still like quite a few thousands of days, but no one's scanning anywhere.

I don't think anyone's scanning it. No, we're not scanning it anymore. Like take them down.

It's everywhere, dude. It's just a reminder. It's everywhere. We live with it now.

It's triggering. There's a high chance we'll die from it when we're an old person.

Yeah. Louise said a lady who was very into sewing and had been for a long time,

I went around and she was using her mouse on the floor like a foot pedal on a sewing machine.

How about the dexterity of this woman's foot though? She's using a mouse.

Dexterous toes. She's got both hands on the keyboard, baby. She's, you've got a toe.

Click, look, tap, tap, moving it. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

It's wild. You can kind of see it. They look similar. I get it.

Yeah. I came around and my dad was using a magnifying glass on the screen of his phone.

I said, you know, you can increase the text size. I know like when you see an older person

on the plane and they've got like, it's like three words, a third screen screen.

There was someone in the office here with, is it Caitlin? Oh, wow. Have you seen this?

Caitlin in the web department has her phone text on like old, old person size. Oh, really?

So she only fit like six words on the screen at once. My dad's is the size up. My dad's got really

bad two sizes up, but fair enough. He doesn't have his bloody specs on him all the time, does he?

Some more messages in. My granny got Facebook and instead of clicking on the like button,

she used to comment like and then she would make a comment, another comment commenting on the word

where she wrote like saying, oh my God, you look so gorgeous in that love. I just changed my font to

large. That's not large enough. No, that's the biggest one. That needs to be bigger. Oh no,

that's too big. That needs to be bigger. I'm 27 and I think I'm pretty capable with technology,

but every time someone goes wrong with my computer at work, I get flustered and call it who turns

it off and turns it back on again and it's immediately fixed. It's always the fix. That's

your first one. The running joke of the TV show, the IT crowd. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to have to

get dad back on Traby when he accidently closed the browser. He wouldn't know how to get back there.

He now knows I've torn him. It took him five or so times. That's cute. And I don't know. I don't

know how they keep losing connection to their router on the Wi-Fi. I'm like, dad, stop clicking

forget network. He's like, I've never clicked forget network in my life. Like all of the devices are

always losing the ability to just automatically connect to their Wi-Fi. Okay. Every time my

nana's TV apps update, it logs her out. She always claims it's broken or she fears someone's trying

to hack into a bank account through the TV and steal her money. Of course. And I tell her to

log back in and it's all fine again. But that's every time. I taught granddad how to send a text.

The days went by, he still hadn't replied. So he called and he said, yes, I saw the message.

He said, I will need to reply to you. I won't give you the answer in person. Now I'll reply to

you on text. Oh, no, just I'm calling you pop. Oh, that's so good. But then, but then it still

hasn't replied. Just I'm working on it. I'm working on it. Give him an extra week. Yeah.

Skipping away, tickets to see Taylor Swift at one of her sold out Sydney shows,

a reserve too. There's just going to be a block of ZM winners. I know. So cool.

Tiara, good morning. You were one of our winners. Yes, I was. Has it sunk in that you that you're

going to see Taylor Swift? No, it has not. Still so crazy. Do you know who you're taking? Yes,

I'm taking my sister. Oh, that's nice. That's why I can't imagine Trap taking my brother. No,

you wouldn't take him anywhere. We've got some great news. Thanks to in New Zealand's

Grab City. We are going to hook you up with return flights to Sydney. Oh my God. Thank you so much.

You're so welcome, Tiara. Have an amazing time over there. I will. Thank you guys so much. Easy.

So all thanks to in New Zealand's Grab City. Grab life by the seat. Check out grabseat.co.nz

for amazing deals on flights now and from Dunedin as well. That's going to come in handy. Yeah.

Is he direct flights from Dunedin? No, not to Sydney. So you have to

know. No, it's going to be a fun trip. Yeah. Enjoy. Congratulations. Friday Flashback

next and then we'll give you details because we're just over an hour away from pre-sales

for Fletch 1 and Haley Live, which we announced yesterday. So we'll give you all the details

if you want to see our live show, how to get those early pre-sale tickets next.

I knew you'd love this place. What was that? A selfie. You just took a selfie. With my new

Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 5, I can snap selfies while it's folded shut and use the best camera on the

phone. It's so small, I can put it right back in my front pocket. Now it's in my pocket. Now it's

taking selfies. Whoa. And the huge cover screen lets us see our pics without opening it. Aw,

you look cute confused. I do look cute confused. Get your Galaxy Z Flip 5 now at the Samsung

Experience Store at Roosevelt Field. Yesterday, I went along to a student-led assembly at my

daughter's school because August was elected to host this. I don't even remember parents coming to

assemblies at school, at primary school. Is this a news thing? I was there and the other co-hosts,

mum and dad and family were there. Right. You can come if you want, but why would you go if it

wasn't for... My mum would go because I used to play in, when the kids would file in, I used to play

the piano. Did you? Yeah, I was always going to play into assembly, just classical music. You're

such a nerd. Whatever I was learning at that time, I'd just play it in. And my mum would always just

come in and peek in the light. And they'd march. Your mum would go all the way at primary school

or college? Primary. Oh, God, no. Your mum was going all the way into the city to watch...

In town. No, no, no, no. God, no. When is she was selling no houses at LJ Hawke? I know. I know.

I know. I'm just flushing off to hear five minutes of classical music. But no, parents don't usually

go, but good for you. Yeah, August was told she was hosting the assembly. She showed me her script.

I made some edits. Punch it up. Did you punch it up? Punch it up. Give it a little bit of... Yeah,

a couple of bit of this. You want to wait. You want to say that line. You want to

beat if you drop that line. Had that till the timing. And I said to her, because it was also

Mufti Day, I said, she was wearing a Warriors jersey. She got sent. And I said, I'll give you 20 bucks

if at the end of the assembly, you end with an up the was. 20 dollars. 20 bucks. I'm not doing it.

I had to check with Mr. Deploy. I was like, you know, Mr. Deploy. He was running the assembly.

Deploy. Mr. Deploy. Deploy. South African Deploy. I had a Mr. Duplicey. Yeah. Do. Do. Do you. And

then capital PL. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Deploy. Oh, we spent a lot of time dissecting his name.

Deploy the slide. Deploy the emergency slide. No, Deploy. Deploy. No, it's Deploy.

No, do. Deploy. Okay. You're pretty just pop up. We probably aren't really doing it.

What if he. Deploy. Deploy. Deploy the slide. Yeah. Deploy. Deploy the slide.

What if he deployed the plow? So it was Deploy. Deploy. Deploy the plow.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Anyway, go down that track, but that's not what we're here for.

And so I went before the assembly started, I went up tech issues. There was tech issues.

She handed the tech issues like a pro. She's my child. She didn't worry about it. But somebody

else's fault. Yeah. That's how I handle issues as well. I'm sorry, man. Yeah. Out of mind,

if she'd been flinched, she would have been screaming at someone to fix this effing thing.

I'm not doing it. Or I will end you. How much time do you have to sort this? Yeah. I'm going to

ram this down your throat. Yeah. Pull it out of your arse. He's a really aggressive guy when tech

issues. I mean, you've got one job and that's to make the microphone go insane. Like how hard is

that plug it in and turn it on? She dealt with the tech issues like a pro and then it was getting

to the end of the assembly. And I was like, she's not going to do it. Which is fine. It was like,

yeah, she's up there. It was the first time she's hosted it. Everybody's looking at it.

$20. That's so much money for a kid. So much money. For an up the was. And then as her co-host

said, please await instructions from your teachers. This happened.

Up the was.

However, it descended into chaos.

Listen to it. Everybody just keeps screaming up the was. Up the was. And then the teachers,

because as I said, the co-host had pre-seared await instructions. The teachers couldn't give

instructions because the kids were all screaming. They were just laughing. The kids like storm the

stage. There's like kids jumping on the temporary stage. You remember in the hall where we had the

quiz night? Yeah. You know that secondary platform where people were tossing coins at the bottle of

Jim Benio? Yes, yes, yes. You know how that was hollow underneath and every time we stood on it,

it was like boom. And everyone screaming and I was like, she's done it. Do you know what I love?

Proper chaos. Because you sent us the video and what I loved and it's a real recognition is like

loving it. Like this thing of being like, okay, I'll say it up the was and then seeing the reaction

of the crowd being like, who just be like, yeah, it's better chaos. Feed me. Feed me the attention.

She's going to straight to drama class. I'm sorry, bro. Absolutely. Oh, I'd be all right with it.

Yeah. I'm not paying for it. But I'll be all right with it. Not paying for it. You're going to have to

help her through the struggling gigs as well because you have between gigs, between acting

gigs. She's never moving out of home. So that's fine. That's cute. Yeah, right. I can run her

lines with her. Why would you want to run lines with anybody else? You've got dad right here. I'm

very capable of character work. You've all heard it. They're going to want to move out, aren't they?

So I ancestry.com I love. I need to see if I've changed. Should we just see how Māori we are?

Because we see like they're always changing their makeup. Because the more people that use it,

the more that more data it has, the more it can connect you to other people.

Are you more Norwegian than me now, Vaughan, or less?

Because I'm Norwegian too. I'm about to get full hands on you.

I am. No, I remember I'm, which is nuts because we've got the paperwork of my great,

great, great, great, great, great grandfather leaving Norway, but it still says no. I'm Swedish.

He must have been Swedish in Norway then. Yeah.

And then some pickle, herring, and some fish. Yum. I'm still 38% Scottish.

Are you? I'm 61% Scottish, 11% English, Northern, Northwestern Europe, and 10% Irish.

That's my big three. I'm sweet. I'm 6% Swedish in Denmark.

That's probably why I'm so hot. I'm 9% Swedish. You've got one of those wonderful Willys.

4% Norwegian. I don't know. I'm assuming. I'm assuming it will be strange if you do that.

She says your penis hangs like this, like the Scandinavian Peninsula.

Yeah, that's why they all, yeah. If it's just Norway, that's all right, but you've tagged on

Sweden and Denmark, so you've got some stranglers. A little kink at the end.

It is fascinating, the nc3.com thing. Yeah. And it just like, it just makes your family tree.

I know. And it's just, it is, this is how I found out that I'm not 20% Māori. I'm 19% Māori,

1% Hawaiian. Kia ora. Would that 1% Hawaiian come through your Māori bloodline though?

You'd think so, eh? Yeah, for sure, because it got taken from it and transferred over.

Well, now you can do this for your dog.

Ancestria.com now has this. Ancestria.com, because I've seen the dog specific ones,

because celebrities, I'm guessing are the only people that have money to throw away on this

sort of dumb shit. How much, do you know how much it costs? Do you want me to have a look?

Yeah, you have a look. So it's basically a DNA testing kit for dogs. And it'll tell you the

absolute, because you think, oh, I've got a, I've got a golden retriever, but he's probably got a

little bit of something else in him. And then in purebred dogs, perhaps aren't as purebred as we

say. If your dog is 100% French Bulldog, then that is the reason that you've got a $3,000

vet bill going. Yeah, you can also, it does breed breakdowns, obviously, but then genetic matches

to other local dogs. So you could find their brother and sister if people did this and traits

that are unique to their pet. So 30 behavioral and physical traits will help you to understand

your dog better. Okay, so it's an Australian price, $105. I'll do it. Is that more than the

human testing? No, it's a little bit less 130 or something. Right, okay. $200 New Zealand dollars?

Oh, I can't remember. But you can do it for your dog now. That's ridiculous. So basically, it's

the most scientifically advanced dog DNA test. It'd be pretty rad if you found out your dogs,

like great, great, granted, was spot the telecom dog or some famous or the Dulux dog. Yeah,

or Harry McCleary from Donaldson's Dairy. Oh, yes, yes, yeah. I mean, you've got a claim to the

dairy now. Yeah, you do go to the deer and be like free lollies. Bottomley pots covered in spots.

Hercules mulch as big as a horse.

Play. Zodiacs, Fletch, Vaughn and Hayley.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. Today's fact then vast ocean week. Oh my God, every time.

Dark, vast, cold, silent. Dark.

They had thought about how quiet it would be. I imagine it's like this.

No, it wouldn't be like that. I just because we hear audio from under the ocean. It's always got

like a that's only if there's like a boat or something. Yeah, I'm talking real deep. Like,

you know, why all noises? Space is a noise. No, space is a smell. No noise. No noise can't travel

in a vacuum. It's not vast space week. I don't want to do vast space week. That's too vast.

Do you see that NASA astronauts got the record now for that? You said that nasty astronaut.

You said that nasty astronaut. Up there talking smack that Venus.

Like set the record for the longest in space. The longest time up there continually.

Because we talked to the guy who previously held the record. Yeah, we did. That's right.

Kelly. Colonel. Kelly Rowland. Kelly Rowland. Yeah, she went up there after Nally didn't reply to her

Excel spreadsheet. And she's been up there ever since. Don't forget to book your Friday's.

She will not come down while Beyonce's on tour. No, no. Vast ocean week. The final fact of this

week is that the oceans are the largest museum in the world. Oh, yeah, because it's got the Titanic.

We have to pay to enter. Yeah, hell of it. Admission fee is your life. The last people who

try to get down there are anything to go by. It is believed that the ocean has more cultural

artifacts than all of the world's museums combined. Yeah, totally. Well, that lost city of Atlantis.

Yes. Yeah, of course. All sorts of underground cities. That's mythic. No, it's real. Hello.

They haven't found it yet, but when they do, it's real. There are three million, according to UNESCO,

three million shipwrecks unaccounted for on the floor of the ocean around the world. There are

people that spend their lives hunting treasure from old shipwrecks. 100%. Yeah, and all they'll

have is like a rough idea of where the ship was heading like 400 years ago, loaded up with Spanish

galleons. Oh my God, yes. And they hit, they sunk and they never turned up. And they're like,

let's go find it. The pirate treasures, all sorts of things, as well as entire civilizations that

have ended up underwater. Yeah. Did you know, for example, a city was discovered off the western

coast of India that no one had any record of? Oh my God. A city under the sea. And it carbon

dates to nine and a half thousand years BC. And there's no like, how did they get into this? How

did it get into the sea? Changing sea levels. No, changing sea levels. Like people were like,

oh, this seems like climate change. Yeah. Wow. It seems like a great place to build a city,

build a city. And then the ice caps melted and it went up. And they were like, wasn't a great

place. No more city. We'll be saying that about a few cities around here. So anyway, that's a

and Cromwell, old Cromwell. Yeah, but that's not a sea. They built a dam, didn't they? Yeah, they

built it at sea. Yeah. But yeah, if you think of every, even diving sites of well-known

archaeological sites, they don't remove anything from the many more. No. The old days where they

just take them and put them in the London Museum and be like, what do you mean? What about in the

Malbra sounds? Is that cruise ship that sank many years ago? Oh, really? Macau Lomintov or whatever

that's called. The Russian one. Yeah. The Russian. Yeah. Is that just sitting there? Yes. To see you

can go diving around it. Yeah. I wouldn't catch me. You wouldn't catch me. And there's lots of in

like Bahamas in that area. There's a lot of planes that were used for like drug running

that they just ditched because it was cheaper. Well, they parachuted out of them. The Bahamas was

also a hive of trading activity and like the slave trade and boats would sink all the time

with all sorts of things on board. Yeah. Art, artifacts and such. And they said that's

all just down there. But it's such a vast ocean. Impossible to find. So today's fact of the day

is the ocean floor is technically the world's largest museum. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Do.

At Penn's Oil, we have one job. Pioneering motor oils so advanced, you don't have to think

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year, 500,000 mile protection guarantee, your adventures will be many. Penn's Oil. Long may we

drive. Find it at Firestone, complete auto care. Enrollment required. Keep your receipts. Other

conditions apply. See pennsoil.com slash warranty for full details. A divorced mum was dropping off

her son to school and he yelled, Hey, can you marry my best friend's dad so that we can be brothers?

Joking. Yeah, right? Because he just wants to be brothers with his best mate as we all did.

And then she was like, ha, ha, ha. And then she did the school drop off and

the kid was like, that's his dad there. And she looked and was like, oh, man.

Dream weaver. I believe you can get me through the night. Slightly blurry.

She saw him and was like, what a dog. So she was like, absolutely not. And so the son kept going,

like, oh, please, I really want to be his brother. And she was like, no. Then she was out on a night

with some other mums, like some other parents. And then she was like, Oh my God, my son kept saying

this about so and so's dad. And then one of the mums was like, Oh, I think he's actually here.

And she was like, Oh, and she's I'll introduce you as a joke. Turns around, he hot. The man she saw

was not the dad that he'd gone wrong. Okay. So that's her son's best friend's dad turns around.

She's like, so then. Dream weaver. I believe you can get me through the night.

Sparks fly. Sparks fly. Beautiful. Beautiful. Montage of romance and dates. Montage of romance.

Neck minute. They're getting married. Wow. That's nice. Neck minute. They are brothers now, the friends.

So I wanted, on the basis of this beautiful story, I want to know when your friends became

your whanau. Did you marry into or was your family married into a friend's family? Because I know of

this, like a brother's best friend starts going out with the sister. Yeah. I know. I know of that

happening on a few occasions. And initially my friends dated my brother for a bit. And initially

it's never a good start because the friends like you're with my sister. Yes. One of my friends

growing up, her name was Haley and she was dating my brother for a while. She said, if I get married,

I'll be Haley Sproul. And I was like, well, I'll just marry your brother then and I'll become

Haley Swann. We'd like, we'll swap nights. That's what she switched. She got with my brother. I didn't

get with hers. Do he not want you? Nope. So not for one of trying. Not for one of trying. Yeah.

But we wanted, I think this would be, it's like whatever way it happened, if you were friends

with someone and then one member of their family married into this thing and now somehow you're

related. Maybe you ended up with your stepdad. Yeah. Ooh. What? Stepbrother. It happens. Stepbrother.

Yeah. I mean, it happens. Look at it. Yeah. I had to end it up with my stepbrother got stuck

in the bloody washing machine. I know. Born Alan Smith. They released you and put you in a black

cab out of there. I don't know if that guy was a taxi driver. I don't think he was. But he took me

to my audition. I don't think he was. But I don't know if that audition was actually an audition.

It was a massage. It was weird. I'm not paid for that day, but I can't.

Oh, 800 dahls at MSNumber. No, you stop. 9696. Give us a text. How does this,

or do you know of it happening? Yeah. When did your friend become your whanau?

Give us a call. Claire, good morning. Good morning. When did your friend become family?

So I used to work in a hairdressing salon and I had two hairdressing girls that I used to work with.

And one of them was our boss's daughter. And both myself and the other hairdresser ended up

marrying our boss's sons, so our other hairdressing colleagues. Wait, so you both picked a son?

Yeah. So I ended up with two school laws and my bosses are now my in-laws. Oh, my gosh.

Wow. Oh, no, it's two minutes. No. It's too close. It's a lot of balancing.

Wow. Wow. It's kind of taking work home, though, isn't it? Literally. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I used to tell them not long after. Oh, let's go get them to remove yourself.

And really close distance to each other and we all get on really well. We've all had kids like

it's been 10 years since then. Oh, wow. That's nice. Congratulations. Dreamweaver. Dreamweaver. Dreamweaver.

I believe you can get me through the night. Thank you, Claire. You want to know when your friends

became your family? They married in, someone married your cousin and now they're your second cousin

and they were your friend. Yeah. I knew a girl who was going out with her brother's best friend

and she was like, you cannot tell them. Oh, wow. But now it's all good. Yeah, totally.

I saw it on Instagram last night. A woman had sex with her daughter's partner and he got them

both pregnant. I was like, what are those kids to each other? Auntie and niece. Too close is the

answer there. But they've got the same dad. I think even ancestry.com would have a problem.

That's going to crash ancestry.com. What happened there? Chanel, when did friends become family?

Hi. Hi. My best friend is about dating my sister and continues to date my sister. They were baby

together. Oh, cute. Are you happy with this? I wasn't at the beginning, but I sure tell them now.

We've got a niecey nephew, don't you? Well, because you don't want to get in the middle as well and

be like, don't mess this up. Don't hurt my friend. Don't hurt my brother. Don't do this. Don't hurt

my sister. Yeah. Yeah. So at the beginning it was a bit weird, but they're now my neighbors,

so we are extremely close. Because you know how you talk to your best friend about everything,

even your hookups? You just couldn't talk about that, could you? You'd be like, what's my brother like?

And yeah. Oh my God. I was just trying to think about marrying my best friend's brother, who she

met later in life when we were teenagers and he was old and I was like, excuse me?

Where have you been? Yeah. But it was a no-go zone. It was a no-go zone. Chanel,

thank you. Some messages to finish. There's so many of these. We bombarded. I mean, it's easy

because you're hanging out, you know, they're always around, aren't they? Yeah. Your brother's,

you know, friends could be around or sister's friends. And you probably already know that like

everyone's a decent person. Somebody said, my, I got with my friend's

wife. My best friend has a wife and she has a twin sister. I got with a twin sister,

so now we're brother-in-laws. Oh, cool. With your best friends.

My best friend or should I say my ex-best friend became my stepmother when she got into a

relationship with my father. Oh my God. That's scandalous. Scandalous. Scandalous. I'm not calling

you mom. I won't do it. Scandalous. My mom started dating my husband's dad. Didn't last very long,

but it was awkward when it did. Oh, that's weird. No, no, no, no. It's not who. It's not who. Calm

down. My mom dated Aaron's dad. Yeah. Oh, okay. You're saying who. You are saying who. But is

that just because Aaron, don't say that about Aaron's dad. No, I love Aaron's dad, but it's

weird. Like I think of him as a father. And Aaron calls my mom sometimes. And you're technically

stepbrother and step sister. And you don't want to get stuck in your washing machine.

You're always trying to get things out of the back of the couch. Always getting stuck.

She's good to get stuck. Now, we're 30 seconds away. I love more. No, we're talking right up top.

We're 30 seconds away from our tickets going on sale. Are we? The pre-sale tickets for the

Fleach Born and Haley live show. Georgia, Georgia's the next with Friday. James, come in here,

please. Do you need, do you need to interview us about our tickets going on sale?

No.

She wants time getting the mic ready. What was that? What would I ask you? Are you excited?

What are we in for? What are we expect? And it'd be a waste of my time. Wow. Wow. She's saying

that because our tickets are going to sell without her. We don't need your crappy daytime show to

sell our tickets. Don't play your little Friday song. Your gloves are on. We don't need your

shit radio station. Oh, wait. What's the same station? Is it? Yeah. Is it the same station?

Same station after 9 a.m. What? Yeah. Although it's more red after 9 a.m. because it's not

Friday James, you know? It is. You're not wrong. Hey, so if you want to grab tickets,

all the details are at ZM Online. You can text live right now to George's band from Sky City.

Excuse me, Bourne. Sorry, we're talking about... She's actually got a band from Sky City. I do.

You're going to have to get that looked at. She peed on every ticket card. That's how she

can afford all this high roll of stuff she's got. Stop! You're so bad. This is a fake.

Engagement ring. Garmin watch. I didn't pay for the engagement ring. Must be nice. She's

must be nice. Loaded because she's a gambler. Let's talk more about you though. How exciting.

No, too late. You shut up too late. You shut up too late. You shut up too late. Everyone gets

to sing it. Effect of the day, day, day. You've already stuffed it up. You missed two days.

I'm a little bit nervous about this to be honest. If you want the link, just text live to 9 6 9 6.

We'll send it right back now. Otherwise... Oh, it's 1 past 9. You can go buy the tickets right now.

Yeah, but you still need the password. Okay. Which is where you get it from the link.

Yeah, you see there's a little password. Otherwise, the rest of the tickets are on

sale 9 a.m. Monday. All the details are at ZM Online. Have a fantastic day. Georgia, the wonderful

Georgia is up next. Yeah, with her great show. With a little show. With a great little show.

Oh, it's a sweet little show. With a sweet little show. Oh, she's a little lady out there in a big

wide world. Yeah. It's such a cute show on a Friday. It is. Friday jams are next. She's so rich.

They wouldn't even let her into the store. She showed them. She bought the store.

Oh, I did. I don't know if she is in Louis. It's old Christchurch money, isn't it? It is. It's

old Canterbury high country land. Others' money. Yeah. Friday jams next. Have a great weekend.

We'll catch you back with our bottomless brunch show tomorrow morning. Otherwise,

if you missed any of the shows during the week, grab the podcast wherever you podcast the iHeart

radio app. Ka kite. Hey, remember how you just gave that Uber driver five stars because you wanted

five stars back? Yes. Let's do that with this podcast. Oh, yeah. Review it five stars. Tell

your friends and we'll do the same for you if you ever need a review for anything. But where are

you giving me my five stars? Well, I don't know. Do you own a restaurant or something? Yes. If you

give us five stars on this podcast, tell us where you would like your review and we'll review even

when we won't even go. We'll just review your thing. I don't want people to know where my

restaurant is. I'm doing one of those secret restaurants. Oh, it's exactly the opposite of how

restaurants work. ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Haley

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.

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Up The Wahs!

Fact of the Day Day Day Day Daaaaay!

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