The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett: E234: Alex Cooper: The World's No.1 Female Podcaster Finally Opens Up! (Call Her Daddy)

I don't think they knew the impact it was having, but it was destroying me inside.

Oh my god, sorry, I didn't expect for this to happen.

What is up, Daddy King? Alex Cousins!

The eight-day post of her daddy!

The most listened to female podcasts in the world.

Hundreds of millions of downloads every month.

Why you?

I do everything for my audience.

It's a very dumb industry to be a part of.

Morally, I don't know if I should be saying this,

but it just keeps getting bigger the more that we keep saying wild.

But exploiting my life for four years, there is a cost.

The last year or so that I had a co-host, I was really struggling.

Call her daddy was the biggest show ever.

And everyone was like, these girls are the best of friends.

And it was all crumbling behind the scenes.

Why was I getting people out of bed, managing drugs and alcohol,

trying to be this fixer?

Someone's going to be the victim and someone's going to be the villain.

And I was the villain.

You can get down a really dark path if you do have a goal.

It's not worth losing yourself to get the prize.

If today were your last day, and I slid you a phone and said,

you're going to have a conversation with your former partner,

would you dial the number?

I struggled so much wanting to tell the full story

and wanting to tell the truth.

How do I say this?

Before we get into this episode, I just wanted to say thank you,

first and foremost, for being part of this community.

The team here at the Dioverseo is now almost 30 people.

And that's literally because you watch and you subscribe

and you leave comments and you like the videos

that this show has been able to grow.

And it's the greatest honour of my life to sit here with these incredible people

and just selfishly ask them questions

that I'm pondering over or worrying about in my life.

But this is just the beginning for the Dioverseo.

We've got big, big plans to scale this show

to every corner of the world and to diversify our guest selection.

And that's enabled by you, by a simple thing that you guys do,

which is to watch.

So if you enjoy this show, I have one simple favour to ask you,

which is could you hit the follow button on Spotify or Apple

or wherever you listen to this podcast?

Alex.

Hi.

What is the earliest thing,

the earliest piece of context that I need to know about you

to understand the person that sat in front of me today

and all that she's accomplished?

Oh my gosh, Stephen.

Oh, that's a hard question.

I would say I think that the experience

I had growing up watching my father and what he did for a living,

my dad is a sports television producer.

And I remember when I was younger,

my mom would take my sister, my brother and I into Philadelphia

and we would go to the Philadelphia Flyers Games

because that's what he would produce.

And we would stay in the stands watching hockey for like a period.

And then after the first period, we would beg my mom like,

please, can we go see dad? Can we go see dad?

And my mom would be like, okay, let's go.

And she'd be like, you have to be quiet.

And so she would bring us down to the television studio.

And every single time it would take my breath away

watching my dad because I would walk in

and he would be at the dead center at the front of the room

with like 20 people behind him, 70 plus cameras in front of him.

And he would be producing and directing a live sporting event.

And that's like my earliest memory of realizing like,

holy shit, I want to do this.

Like I want to do what my dad does.

And I think it was always instilled in me also.

Like my dad loved what he did.

So I know a lot of my friends, their dads would be like,

gotta go to work.

And like, I get that.

That's like a lot of people in the world.

But I was so fortunate to watch my dad was the first one in the arena.

Like he was the first one there.

He had his notes, he was ready to go.

And then I would watch him like produce this live show of like,

roll camera A, go to the announcers, roll the graphic,

like hit the color.

And I just was so enthralled by that world

that from a very young age, I was able to quickly locate.

That's what I want to do.

That's what I want.

Not only just like the actual act of producing,

but the way that my father engaged with his work,

like it wasn't work.

My dad never complained about going.

He was always so enthusiastic.

And so to see your, your parent and a figure above you that you respect so much,

be so in love with what they're doing.

I always was like, I want my passion to become my purpose,

to become what I do in life.

And I do think that kind of then makes sense as to like where I am now.

Like I love what I do.

And I really accredit a lot of that to like watching my father be so

in love with his career and his job.

What about your mother?

My mother is a psychologist.

So it's like the perfect storm growing up.

I was like, mom, stop being so smart.

Leave me alone.

Why do all of the other kids moms would be like,

Oh yeah, go to the movie sweetie.

And my mom would be like, you're not going to movies.

You're going to a party.

Tell me what's happening.

Where are you going?

I'd be like, why do you know these things?

So it was frustrating.

I think when I was younger, my mom and I had a really

interesting dynamic because I always like to push the boundaries.

And I was the youngest.

So I was kind of like the wild child and I love that my mom was a psychologist,

but I hated it because she was like too insightful and too with it,

that I wish I could have gotten away with more.

But I do think as I started to come into my own, having her have this background

in psychology allowed me to really put more of an importance on connection,

connection, connecting to your emotions, EQ versus IQ.

Like my parents cared about our grades, but they also were more like,

do you know how to interact in a room?

Like, do you know how to read the room?

Like, do you know when your friend is upset?

Are you being honest with yourself of how you're feeling?

So like my household was always like, how are you feeling?

What's going on?

And I'm like, can we stop talking about our feelings for one fucking second?

But it really was like the perfect storm of I now on my show.

I'm so interested in just talking and having engaging conversations

because I think my mother, it was like a prerequisite in our house of like,

no, no, no, you can't leave the house before I know like, how are you doing?

I'm like, I'm fine.

But like, so I think I really admired her, but in my like angsty teen years,

I was like, fuck off, like stop asking me how I'm feeling.

I want to go drink and have fun with my friends.

But she's amazing and she's been like, probably the most instrumental person

in my life in terms of like my personal development as a human being.

When she asked you how you were feeling when you were a kid,

were you always honest with her?

No. Oh God, no.

I was really, I had a hard time with like, wanting to make my parents really proud.

I think they saw a lot in me and I was very like doing a lot of things.

I was really good at soccer.

I was like good at making movies and films and all the things,

but I like really struggled in school.

And so I never wanted to tell my parents that because I felt like,

I think I was like embarrassed because like who I was at home was so not who I was at school.

And so I was almost like, I'm still working through this in therapy,

so I don't really know the full answer yet.

But what I do know is I was like, embarrassed to explain to my parents

that I was like getting bullied at school or having a hard time.

Because when I got home, I then was my actual real self,

where I was outgoing and goofy and happy, but then when I would go to school,

I never wanted to tell them actually like that I was struggling,

which is really strange.

And I am still working on trying to figure out like why I didn't feel that way,

because my parents were so loving, would have gone to school and like talk to the teachers

or the parents of the little shits that were bullying me.

But I just had this like internal way of compartmentalizing school struggles.

And then like being at home and trying to engage in things that I loved and made me happy.

And I just like to like separate the two.

As you were saying, I was trying to like figure out why that is sometimes why we,

but my brain said like we almost don't want to taint our happy place or our safe place with the

unhappy place.

It's like it would almost poison that place.

It would bring that energy into that safe place.

Yeah, I think that's a good point.

I really struggled with people being so mean strictly.

It was just all about my appearance.

I was a very awkward kid.

I think I had a hard time also coming out and talking about it on Caller Daddy,

because I feel like the persona that I am putting out into the world

is very like blonde bombshell.

She's got her life together.

And people are like, you got bullied.

And so that dichotomy I think is like hard for people to understand,

but like I still feel like the girl that was bullied in middle school, elementary school.

So I think, yeah, I think there was like a pride thing of like,

they can do that to me at school, but when I get home and I'm going to go in the basement

and I'm going to make my films, like they can't touch that.

That's for me and that's what honestly like saved my life, to be honest.

Creating content was like the one thing that kept me going and like happy

and I was able to find my purpose because school was like just so awful for me.

When you say saved my life, do you mean that?

Yeah, I actually found like a journal.

I'm not crying, but I just will not stop watering or maybe I am.

I found a journal of mine.

It was so fucking sad to read.

I was really going through a hard time in school.

I think when you go through bullying, you feel so fucking isolated and unfortunately,

or I hope like I actually don't think the kids that were bullying me and most of them were boys.

I don't think they knew the impact it was having.

Like it was like a casual mean comment at recess, but it was destroying me inside.

And so I found a journal that broke my heart because it was basically me saying like this is if I was like,

if I killed myself, maybe then they would realize like how fucked up all the comments that they were saying to me.

Oh my God, sorry, I didn't expect for this to happen.

I just like I think I realized like I'm like fuck like they would then realize like the impact that their comments had on me.

And I really don't think that I like I'm saying like I don't think those kids actually knew like damn like,

and so I think almost the way of thinking about killing myself was like then they would realize the impact.

And so I had a lot of dark thoughts that like I I'm like I feel really bad for myself in that moment because I think a lot of times people are like,

I wouldn't take it certain things back because like it made me who I am. I would take that back.

I think what what I felt in those moments I would absolutely take back because it just like I don't I think I could still be where I am and not have gone through that type of pain.

Have you had to have a conversation with that that girl, the younger version of Alex in therapy and stuff too.

Yeah, it's been weird because our job is so weird where like I remember, do we have a tissue?

Sorry.

No, you're fine. I'm like, whoa, I didn't expect to cry this soon. I wasn't even expecting to cry.

I think why I'm so emotional too was like, I'm kind of like currently working through this in therapy and I think our job is very strange where I remember when I took the show on my own.

And I was doing like solo episodes and I kept realizing I had like these people pleasing tendencies and I wanted to share it on my show but I'm like, I have to give context to the Daddy Gang my fans like why I have these tendencies.

And so I remember telling my fans in the world that I was bullied before I even told my therapist.

And I do sometimes think there's like something beautiful about that of like, I knew by me saying that I was going to immediately connect with so many of my fans and like we were going to be able to have an even deeper connection.

But I haven't really worked through all of it so like I think sometimes when you bring up things you went through and you're not fully healed or whatever like I'm still kind of in the middle of processing all of it.

But I have started to think about that younger self but I think it's still so raw of like even unpacking like how it's affected me in adulthood that I'm having a hard time like going through all the layers of it still.

Have you seen sort of imprints that remain on you as an adult I think about my own experience being I mean talked about this a lot on this show so people know but being the only like black and white school being the poorest family in the area and that constant feeling of like ongoing shame.

Yeah, I think back and I've realized in my adult life like I always would say how I'm so comfortable being alone. I love my alone time. But I think that comes from the initial inception was like such pain and hurt and isolation.

When I was young, I would go into my room and I would cry but I would make sure my parents couldn't hear me crying again because like I wanted to be like the cool soccer player creative girl when I'm home and I didn't want them to know what I was going through so I would be crying or writing in a

journal and I realized like I got so I went through like hating every single thing about myself externally. Like I would look up remedies of like how to get rid of my cystic acne like I would literally envision taking like a razor and like taking it off my

head and I thought of so many things. And I just like was constantly trying to change myself because I was getting bullied for like the way that I looked and I think it's really detrimental when you're at an age where like all you care about is peer

people all you care about is people liking you. And so I think the part of me that like yes hated myself I did get really comfortable being alone, because those were the moments where I allowed myself to have all of the thoughts like bottling up and not telling anyone that I was going through

I remember a friend of mine that I've been friends with since like fourth grade. She was like Alex I can't believe you never told me because I was going through something really similar. She has red hair and freckles and she was like I got so bullied and we were in the same school and we were

just friends and we didn't even know we were both going through it. And I can't even imagine how much easier my life would have been if I at least like grabbed on to her and we had each other but I think bullying is very hard to explain unless you've gone

through like, you're so alone. You hate yourself. You almost like yeah you hate the bullies but you almost like some you just internalize it so you hate yourself you don't even hate them as much as you hate yourself. You want to change yourself you want to be able to fit in.

And so you do certain things were like even my my mannerisms or my posture was so like defeated and awkward. And now I look back and it's like my adult life. I have, I am working on working through extreme people pleasing tendencies because I just wanted people to like me when I was younger.

And so even sometimes I see things on the internet where I'm like I was being like too annoying or extra but it's like, I feel like I just want people to like me and sometimes that's all I'm thinking about that I can imagine that comes off in a way that's maybe not as likeable but it's like I really am just

trying to connect. And then I think the the loner thing like I've had so many. I had a lot of issues in romantic relationships where I would be like in love with someone but they would be like what I didn't even know you liked me.

And so I think I would avoid getting hurt and rejected because I was rejected in those years of feeling the ultimate rejection of again when you're like all you care about is pure dynamics friends like who's in who's top five like boys were like repulsed by me and so I was like I hated myself I didn't think I was

good enough and so when I would get someone I tried to like have a defense almost against like they can't hurt me because like I'm already setting myself up to know it's going to be over before they can like reject me.

You know when I sit here with people and I learn about their early years I think there's always and probably I had this assumption before I started doing this that when we reached a moment of success or whatever when our circumstances change the trauma goes out the door with it and I come to learn from doing this that it stays.

And I've actually I feel like I've never met a person who has managed to take that early upbringing the early adverse upbringing to zero. I've never met the person.

Yeah. I'm guessing you've made progress on these things. Yeah, I have.

I think like when I was so young being in school I started to really struggle with my grades because it would be like I'm getting bullied in school and I would run home and I started to compartmentalize so well that creating content to me was like literally what.

What kept me going right and so I would go into my basement and my dad gave me this like big huge clunky Sony camera and I was obsessed with creating these characters creating these story lines like I laugh now because I didn't even put it together but I would force all my friends all my soccer

friends to participate in like making videos with me and we remade the devil wears Prada and you would think immediately of what I'm telling you like who would I play I would play and Hathaway's character.

I played Meryl Streep. I was freaking Miranda Priestly and like I'm the farthest thing from that at that point in my life but it was like I loved playing characters that like it like ignited this confidence in me where I could feel for a minute like I am this boss

like I am this like strong confident woman and so creating content for me was like this outlet that allowed me to almost like become the thing that internally I always did have this confidence and I knew I had this fun personality

in this spark but it was so tainted by the minute I walked out the doors of my house when I was struggling in school I think I started to realize like I don't want to do math I don't want to do history like I just want to create content and I think it was really

hard for me to focus in school because I almost was like so focused on the goal of like let me just keep creating content and I can't explain it but it was like the driving force for me to just keep going and to keep dealing with a lot of the bullshit that I was struggling with.

Therapy I'm thinking about that alignment you're talking about between being being able to show up as yourself everywhere you go whether it's in school or whether it's on your show or wherever.

Also it was quite clear that in school in your early years you weren't able to show up as yourself.

What role has therapy played in helping you to become Alex when you're on camera off camera in school in social settings wherever you go.

Well at first it wasn't changing my life and my therapist was like had a hard conversation with me I think it was like two months into us working together and she was like Alex.

I need to say something to you I'm like am I in trouble she's like you can't you pay me like you're not in trouble but I need to be honest with you.

I can tell you're not you're not being honest you put on this facade that everything is good everything is okay and like the point is to come here and be emotional and you can trust me to not.

Tell anyone judge you and I think I had kept this heart exterior for so long that it was.

Really foreign to me to open up and talk about my insecurities and what I'd struggled with because.

When you're bullied you eventually create this armor that is like. Completely sealed shut you.

You wear it and you like know the pain but you eventually have to survive and keep going and so I think in therapy my therapist was like what is why can I not like get in there and I eventually.

I didn't I didn't even say anything in that session I was like I don't know like I'm telling you the truth and then.

Weirdly that was when I ended up opening up on my show about it and then I came back to her and I was like okay here you go and I just spilled everything because.

I was at least attuned enough to therapy from my mother of like I know in order to actually.

Have changed within myself and for this to work I have to be honest but there was still like I was still embarrassed to tell my therapist.

Because I knew she would look at me differently and I thought she thought I was like this well put together person and I just was like holy shit I've.

Created such a facade that like everything is perfect exteriorly with me that.

I'm not going to be able to actually undo the damage that was done if I don't actually start talking about it and so that was like a really pivotal moment for me where therapy.

Finally broke down that layer but my therapist had to chip away and now she jokes about it with me all the time is like do you remember when you would come in and I'd be like so and eventually she was like why are we here.

Who's decision was it to go to therapy me did you go with with a particular focus or just generally yeah it was a particular focus it was.

About like the last year or so that I had a co host I was really struggling and.

I was like my mom kept being like I need to be your mom I can't be your therapist like you need to talk to someone and that was when I finally so that was about like twenty.

Five twenty four and I finally was like okay I'm just gonna get a therapist and it was in New York City and I would go in person with her and that it felt very.

At first it felt very like why am I here like I don't need this but then eventually it like cracked and it was really helpful but it was not easy I will say I think a lot of people think therapy is like.

Sit down and tell your secrets like it's so awkward at first if you're not even I had a psychologist as a mother and I'm still like I don't want to do this but I think it's all in your head because.

Once you open the floodgates.

They never close you were struggling.

Yeah.

Are you asking me with what yeah you said you're struggling so.

You probably from what you said you're going to mother and explaining that there was a struggle that struggle is that is that a social struggle with a friend or is that a psychological struggle or.

I think.

In business there was a lot happening where I was living with someone I was doing business with we were struggling with business like there were so many.

Things happening and I was.

How do I say this I was struggling.

To take care of myself in an environment that was really unhealthy.

And.

Was.

Like the show was priority but behind the scenes it was a disaster and so I was like.

Compromising on a lot of things that like morally I didn't agree with or mentally I wasn't feeling good about and it was at a really weird time because call her daddy was like the biggest show ever and everyone's like.

These girls are the best and they're the best of friends and they're the best and like that's life like you it's almost like how everyone talks about like Instagram we put our best foot forward and it was all crumbling behind the scenes.

And it was terrifying to me because I worked my whole life to like.

Get to a point like this where I'm producing a show and it just felt very scary to me that I didn't have control of all the aspects going on and the symptoms were psychological for you psychological I was.

Basically in a co dependent relationship like it was so unhealthy for both of us and.

I think.

Psychologically yes I even think physically it was taking a toll on me.

And then it was also taking a toll on my other relationships because like the partner I had at the time was like bearing the weight of me.

Complaining about so much going on in my life because I couldn't go out the person that I had to get up every morning with and record right like I couldn't be.

I had to keep the show going so it was like very detrimental to yes psychologically and my like mental health like the show came first before I think both of our personal needs.

What was the advice you needed most at that moment but didn't get.

Or maybe just before that moment happened because that's kind of like.

That's when things start falling.

Yeah, but if you've got advice maybe a couple of years earlier.

It would have prevented you getting into that situation so what is that advice that and I'm saying this because of.

There's someone at home now who's you know they want to follow in your footsteps and whatever career or industry it might be.

But when you get into business and things start going well you wish you just fucking wish that someone had told you.

Fuck I mean.

Maybe that.

It's okay to leave.

It's okay to leave a situation for both people involved.

It's okay to want to hold on to something because in some aspects it's really working.

But if you are compromising your morals and your mental health and at one point your sanity like it ain't worth it.

But again I think like even if someone had told me that I had to live through it because.

I worked my whole my whole life for this like I finally got the show and I was producing and I was doing what I loved but I then started to hate it.

And that to me was when I was like.

I didn't need anyone to tell me at that point that I should.

Leave it was like oh I've loved this my whole life something's off like if I'm this miserable.

There's a better way.

From that you must have learned the factors that need to be in place professionally for you to love work.

Because you you got to experience head on all the factors that make a passion turn into misery.

So on the flip side what are the factors that you need and you believe people generally need for them to like love their work.

I think that the first thing is like business is so.

There's so many different layers it's so so complicated.

Even if it's just you so then add another person in.

It's almost impossible and I think like it was so difficult.

My partner and I at the time had such different wants such different.

You know envisionments for our career in the future and that is so OK but I think the issue is like.

If you have the ability to sit down before you begin which we didn't really have like I remember I came home.

One day or she came home from work one day she was the third roommate to me and my best friend from childhood.

We had met her like it was like a very random like hey we need a third you want to come live with us.

We'd live together for like a couple months if that and I was like do you want to do this podcast with me.

I had no idea it was going to be the biggest podcast in the world.

I had no idea her wants and what truly she was interested in what she was passionate about we were passionate about such different things.

So it's like I think in business you do have to actually believe that this could become the biggest thing.

You have to put your mind there and one that's incredible for yourself confidence to be like if you're starting a business.

Pretend it's about to be Apple envision and who you're sitting next to do you want to be there with them or for yourself.

Are you willing to get there and sacrifice certain things in your personal life to get there like whether it's a duo or a singular person like.

You actually have to envision yourself at the end line and at your goal because you have to mentally start to function that way.

Because then all of a sudden you could get there and then you're like oh fuck I didn't plan for this and I think that's kind of what we both felt.

We were like we don't even really know each other three episodes and this is the biggest show in the world.

Like we're drinking buddies like what this is not a this is not supposed to be a business and we are way in over our heads and I think that's OK.

But I look back and I'm like I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

But I do think in business it's like you got to think big because once you get there you better be prepared and I wasn't.

Do you know what that's actually the advice that I wish I'd got before I started in business which is.

Imagine the day when someone comes along and offers you a hundred million how are your contracts.

Because when you start you'll you'll you'll be tempted by oh my god fifty thousand pounds ten five thousand pounds.

Here you go everything I'll sign anything and then and you do that often in your desperation and naivety.

And then you get five years down the line things are big and you just absolutely fucking wish and dread that you didn't think like this.

So there's going to be a lot of people listening that are either starting out in the business journeys that really need to get into that difficult mindset.

The thing is what you said also applies to relationships generally this idea of like making sure from the jump that your visions are aligned.

I also love that you said you know we wish we could have told ourselves but then I'm also in life like no that was supposed to happen because now.

When I went and signed my Spotify deal.

You best believe I was like who's around me do I own these trademarks do I own this IP do I own like everything that felt like I had.

Not focused on in the beginning that I was like kicking myself for the second time around.

I was like damn sure that I had like everything locked in and I still even made like a couple mistakes but like I think that.

That's also just life of like you're gonna have you can try to be as prepared as you can.

You're never going to be fully prepared but having some ability to reflect on what you wish you had done differently or better or the same.

There are some things that I was like I'm sticking exactly that that course.

I think you just have to think about it and be cognizant of those steps and I think sometimes you rush quickly like that's like our world today it's like go go go go like take the new job don't take a minute to pause.

That's where I think you get screwed over within yourself of not recognizing like what's going to be different this time you're miserable over there how's it going to be different so.

I wouldn't take it back I just think of course there's things I wish I had done differently but then I did them differently for my next deal and I am exponentially happier with the way that I'm handling business who I'm surrounding myself with how I'm hiring.

You know who touches the product like there's everything now I formulated and I think a lot of people think like oh Spotify like she's so many people around her.

I have two or one people one person in my office every day like I've kept it pretty small because that's what I always wanted.

I want to produce I want to edit I want to direct I want to do as much as I can in a smart way but.

You just have to know what you want and then when you get away from it then you really know what you want because they're like wait I want to go that way and that's a great thing.

There's an interesting point here though about being a people pleaser when a people pleaser strikes it big it's hard to like put up those boundaries and start like saying what you want.

And what you need having because even the conversation we had a little bit a while ago about aligning and communicating what you want from the jump so that further down the line you don't mess things up and regret it requires a difficult conversation at the start.

Yeah, I wasn't even like aware of how much I was people pleasing until it got to that breaking point where I was like.

There were so many things I was doing to appease people around me to keep the show going that was so unhealthy that now I have in hindsight I'm like what was I doing.

Why was I like getting people out of bed like why was I like managing like drugs and alcohol and like trying to be this like fixer and then it's like.

Just trying to put a show on I think I was like a little over my skis I just said that because I was skiing this weekend so that's the only now I'm like over my head I'm like over my ski.

You can get down a really really dark path if you do have a goal in order to get there and that is also advice I give people of like.

It's not worth losing yourself to get the prize because what what was hard for me is like public perception.

So I've talked to you about how much I care about people liking me now I'm on a world stage and there's comments and there's people.

And there was like a public fallout with a woman so there's like someone's going to be the victim and someone's going to be the villain and I was the villain.

And I'm like how did this happen like to me.

I think publicly I struggled so much for a while of like wanting to tell the full story and wanting to tell the truth and be like I promise like.

But I'm also then like my character was like I don't think anyone needs to know what happened behind closed doors and how dark it got and.

But I just know that I was proud of myself that I did. I know I'm a good person but when you see the Internet.

Picking sides are doing this like it fucks with you and I imagine for her it fucked with her like it was really hard I think for two women to go through something so big in a COVID pandemic.

That people just wanted drama. But I think my people pleasing tendencies of like. Wait. Why are these people thinking something that I'm not that eight me alive inside and I had to have my boyfriend my mother my father my therapist be like.

You both know the real story.

That's it that's all you need to know and so I think it took me a while though where I was like I want to clear the air like how many times we're going to go back and forth like you know what I mean but it can get.

Exhausting trying to make people know your character and who you are especially when I've been talking on the Internet for almost now five years.

Like people think people have a perception of me and and that's something I have to live with and be okay with but it's hard.

I remember someone wrote in them in the diary of a CEO this little book for having front of me guess when they leave they write a question for the next guest someone wrote in this book if today were your last day and you had to have a 60 second conversation with someone in your life.

What would you say to them and why I was just wondering as you're saying all of this this was clearly a really tumultuous pivotal moment in your life for better and for worse in many respects.

Are there any words on said if today were your last day and I slid your phone and said you're gonna have a conversation with with that person your former partner.

Would you dial the number would you say anything.

No because I think in a weird way like.

When there's time I think both sides and I acknowledge both sides have their own story that then just keeps going on like I'm like what even is the reality anymore we both have such different story lines of everything that happened.

If I was like forced to I would just say like I hope you're healthy and you're well but.

I think we're both like in a beautiful way I said this someone recently I was like it's so much better that we're both doing our own things like that's the same thing in like romantic relationships like.

I think a lot of times you try to keep making something work it shouldn't be that difficult it really shouldn't if it's meant to work it will be working and I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life right now and I'm like.

This feels great this is what it's supposed to feel like so.

No I don't think that I would pick up the phone because I think we see things very differently and that's okay that's life like.

That's the world that's politics that's religion that's friendships ending that's marriages ending like you're just gonna be like I don't see it like you and that's okay.

I think the internet's probably a little bit more invested than even the two of us are but yeah I think that would be just I hope you're healthy.

Cool daddy.

You tell me where the boundaries are here but how big is this show.

You know it's difficult to it's difficult to get an idea of it because it's kind of a black box where it operates and Spotify but what can you tell me about the size of the show because I want to go into what's made it successful so give me the headline.

I would say that it is.

The most listened to female podcasts in the world.

It's and it's exclusive at Spotify.

So that is wild to me that the numbers even being exclusive and you can only find out on one platform that it's as big as it is.

It still doesn't really like register to me when people say that I'm like podcasting is weird like I don't I don't like I'm not a singer seeing everyone in the audience like I just like talk and then I go and eat a sandwich and play with my dogs and go to sleep like sometimes it doesn't register but the success of this show is wild to me because when we first

released our first three episodes with barcel sports.

It went number two right underneath Joe Rogan and I think every podcast if it has like a lot of traction like the algorithm works where like if you have immediate engagement of like new followers.

A lot of people are going to hit up in the top 10.

But then by week three and then week four and then week 10 and then week 20 it was constantly just sitting right under Rogan and then I remember like I think it was.

Maybe our 10th week or something it went past Rogan and we were back to second and it was like whoa.

That wasn't that wasn't the plan like of course the plan is to get big but I just remember.

I remember Eric Nardini who's the CEO at Barstool came in and was like just so you know like girls your episode is like getting the same numbers as our biggest show at Barstool PMT or yeah.

And I was like really like that's so cool like I we didn't have like a concept I don't think yet.

So it went viral so fast and again that goes back to like there was no plan like I knew in my mind like I love doing this but like there was no plan.

I didn't even want to be a podcaster like I wanted to direct films and TV shows and so then after that the show only continue to grow and it still doesn't feel real like I think the craziest thing was when I signed my Spotify deal.

It was very exciting for me that Spotify looked at me and was like we really respect what you did in the past but pitch us what's the future because that's why we're signing you.

Knowing a little bit about Spotify and the numbers in the podcasting game I I know you must be getting hundreds of millions of downloads and streams a month.

It's wild like don't tell me that because it's like what it's crazy.

Why the most listened to.

FEMA podcast in the world hundreds of millions of downloads every month.

There's millions of podcasts out there.

There's loads of numbers knocking around I read one recently that said there's almost three million podcasts.

Why yours why why you and why yours you must have like slowly over time which is kind of what we've tried to do.

Look back and try to figure it out like what's the subtle and obvious things that have made you be so successful.

I think truly there is and like I'm obviously not being biased but I don't think that anyone has the relationship they have with their audience the way that I do.

I think when you start a show talking about sex especially for women and it's so taboo and there's so much shame.

The amount of trust that that garnered for me and between me and them was unmatched like I still to this day it shocks me that women come up to me in the street.

And will tell me about sexual abuse that they went through and we've just met in 15 seconds they're like Alex I have to tell you you got me out of this really toxic abusive situation.

All of a sudden someone's coming to me being like I married someone because of like it's like this relationship that I've built.

I think is something that I will never be able to like really articulate but I know it's also coming from a place because I need them just as much they need me.

I think sometimes in the creator world like it gets a little disconnected because we also are trying to run businesses right and you can't always do everything for your fans like.

I can say I have been in huge meetings with a lot of executive people telling me what to do and I'm like.

I don't want to do that because the daddy gang won't connect that and there's a lot of money on the table or there's brand deals or there's all these things and I have really been intentional about like.

I care more about the content then.

What public facing accolades we're going to get and I think because I focus so much on my relationship with my audience it's then just garnered like oh this shit just keeps getting bigger and it is a huge show but like.

I can't explain it like if I brought a daddy gang girl in here she would be like let me tell you our connection like it really does feel like so crazy how connected we are so I think that is one side of it I do everything for my audience.

I sacrifice my personal relationships I have skipped out on huge family things to like make sure I'm like no I need to give the daddy gang.

Something amazing this week I've never put out an episode of color daddy that I'm not proud of every week I'm busting my ass to provide for them and it's.

Do you delete episodes.

No.

Never delete one episode.

No never record an episode and thought.

Oh I've deleted them like not publish them but like if I've published it I've never deleted it.

Oh yeah so you've like had a conversation with someone.

I've actually only had a conversation with one person that I've never released just because.

They didn't want to be there I think their publicists fucked them over they didn't know what they were coming in for and I respectfully was like this ain't it.

But oh I've recorded like so many solo episodes that I've never pressed upload on that eventually maybe I'll like put together and be like these were my thoughts back then but no I've never.

I've never deleted an episode that I've published but my God are you kidding me my catalog of things I haven't pressed upload on.

It's like a whole nother 100 episodes.

But I and then I think the other side of why it has been successful is like it just goes back to without sounding like a egomaniac like I am obsessed with this.

It I can't explain it like every single week I'm like completely fixated on how I'm going to innovate make it better make it special.

So I think naturally like there are people that got into this industry that actually didn't really intend for it and there's like producers handing them scripts and being like sit down and talk like.

I'm so obsessed and passionate about this that I do think that translates in how innovative the show has been and just like the growth because I love it and I love producing content so it's been really.

Easy for me in that regard like I've never had a doubt in my mind that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.

You touched a little bit there on the cost though that people don't see the sacrifice families relationships all these other things.

Part of the reason I started the show actually was to shed a shed more of a light on the cost of like being a CEO because it's very glamourized everyone wants to do it but then I think providing balance allows people to understand if it's actually the right choice for them.

Away from the accolades and the followers and the clapping like is this really the right choice for you so in your experience what has been the material cost of your journey.

I think something I've been really struggling with is first of all with regard to business I'm.

Such a creative at heart that business wise.

I'm really trying to work on recognizing like this has gotten so big I need to be in these meetings I need to be like.

I need to be interacting with people on the business end of things and like.

My boyfriend always jokes he's like you're 99.9% creative all times like you need to dial it at least 10% to business Alex and I'm like.

I don't need to answer the email I'm just going to sit in the edit room and make the episode so I think I've really.

It's been a little bit of a challenge like hiring people personalities coming in figuring out how to balance being.

The talent.

The executive producer.

And the CEO and the owner of a company is like.

Like it's a little it almost like contradicts itself like things that I should be doing as the talent.

The CEO shouldn't be doing like the conversations I'm having as the talent.

I shouldn't be having but I'm the CEO so I'm like I have to fire you and then it's like well are you going to go tweet about me.

You know it's like so strange where most companies like this that person wouldn't be a public facing person so like.

And then my people pleasing tendencies I've kept employees longer because I'm like I can't fire this person even though they're not doing their job because like I don't want them to go online and say I'm a bitch and then my therapist is like.

Alex sweetie.

If you're paying someone they're not doing their job.

You have to fire them but I'm like it's so it's like I've struggled a lot with like.

Who I'm having around me then on the personal side of things.

I don't want to say the word exploiting but I'm just going to say it and I'm going to take it right back like exploiting my life for four years.

There is a cost of like.

I don't expect a lot of people to relate to it it's really weird that I've talked about my sex life and my breakups and my heartbreak and friend breakups and family issues and trauma and.

All the things you can possibly imagine like that's not normal to be that open about it on the Internet so naturally.

I think there's like a what's next like always trying to one up yourself and that can be really detrimental and I think when I look back at the early days of color daddy like.

I'm embarrassed by some of the things that I said not that I'm embarrassed by the product I think was great but there's some things that I was like why did I say that on the Internet like.

That was mean or that was but it was all like I don't think people understand like.

We were being rewarded by how much crazier it was every week it was like if you get crazier the views go up the clicks keep coming so it was like this.

Really diabolical feeling in your head where it's like morally I don't know if I should be saying this but.

It just keeps bigger getting bigger the more that we keep saying wild shit and I think in the beginning we had a handle on it and then when we hit like episodes 5060 it was like throwing shit at the wall.

Because people just wanted to see us like dance it was like do something crazy again this week and.

That's why I have some empathy for creators that have taken it too far where you see that line is like they push it they push it everyone loves right when you're teetering the line they're like oh yeah oh yeah.

The minute you cross the line even though they've been encouraging you to go farther farther and you fall off.

What's wrong with you what you're disgusting like that's awful you're a bad person so it's like.

It's a very very fucked up industry to be a part of because like you're rewarded for the chaos but if it's to chaos then you're out.

Has it ever crossed your mind being someone who publishes a lot of content and does it frequently a certain cadence you have a community that are expecting it from you.

That you probably can't stop to some degree or the pressure that's that exists to keep you going keep publishing keep going keep going keep going.

Means that there is in some respects you could say a bit of a lack of freedom like you couldn't take six months off right.

I can't even take two weeks off.

I yeah that has crossed my mind there's there's some days where like the.

The unforgiveness of this industry gets a little.

It freaks me out a little bit because I've found myself like I just said being like we why did I do that because I'm so deep in it and I'm so content focused and I'm pulling myself out like the Alex with her family and her.

Partner and her her real life like that's not who I am.

I think.

I actually think that's why I kind of pivoted my show for a minute to interviews.

I needed like a break because I was like first of all we don't need to keep hearing me talking like let's give me a break like you're all sick of me.

I wanted to just start to talk to other people for a second because doing these solo episodes every single week I needed something new and unique to say.

And that can cause you to lose your fucking mind like I don't think people understand like an hour of content I was talking to my boyfriend about this he's like I make hour and a half movies that we work on for nine months like.

Every week you have an hour to fill and if it's just you talking.

It's it's like almost insane like you're going to start doing things you're going to start putting yourself in situations to get content to talk about things and I started to be like this is unhealthy.

There's other ways to entertain people and other ways to feel creatively stimulated and that's when I just started to talk to other people and then interviewing I think gave me like.

A real sense of fulfillment because.

It goes back to my childhood like I love connecting with people I love what we're doing right now this is like.

My jam this is like I could let's go for five hours every time I do a podcast people like that was the longest podcast or ever done like I can't stop talking.

Because I love connecting with people I love discussing topics.

And right now that's what I'm doing on my show and again like I said who knows maybe it will change in a year but.

Yeah it's a it's a weird feeling to be like where is the end mark.

I don't think there is an end mark for me because maybe it will look different.

But I aside from all like the drama of what we're talking about it goes back to me being like I love this shit and so are there boundaries I can set with myself in order to make it.

Healthier just like any person with any job like you can get wrapped up in that and it's not healthy.

A lot has been written about the financial deal you did with Spotify a lot of people talk about that what what impact that have if any on your life there's the $60 million numbers flown around everywhere you don't have to confirm or deny.

But did did that change things any material way.

It was the craziest.

Truly the craziest feeling that I still can't really articulate of like I never started this for money.

I'm really fortunate how much my parents were like keep it real keep it normal like.

What is all this if you're about to be like this like like none of this matters it could all be gone tomorrow and so I've been fortunate to be raised by people that like I just it hasn't really affected me I feel like the same person that I was in Pennsylvania.

Definitely a little bit more progressed and like how I feel about myself and and I feel smarter and you know more holes human being but like that number to all it did to me with solidify that the brand that I built.

Deserves to be where it is and I haven't really let it gets my head I'll let you know if it does but like for right now I feel like everyone keeps asking me like how did it change your life it for the rest of my life will change my life and my kids lives and like I get that but in the immediate.

I'm still working the way I always work I hunch over at my computer I like I have the same keyboards like people like how do you not have like the keyboard with all like there's certain like tech things that I could be doing I don't give a shit I want to do exactly what I've

always been doing and keeping it real and tight to myself and we're a little janky like I feel like it like makes me feel like I'm still myself and it hasn't expanded in a way that maybe people think it has and so I'm I'm proud of myself that I've kind of stayed

really grounded in who I am and why I started this and I'm going to continue to always be cognizant of like why I started this who I am and how did this shit actually matters like who gives a shit about a purse like you could lose it like I want to

have real relationships I want to be close with my family I want to be respectful of people I'm around I want people to like me I want to make people happy I want them to make me happy I want to have fulfilling dynamics in my life that is like the richest

thing I think about me right now is like I've worked a lot of my relationships and I am finally I can say to point where like I'm happy in my life and that to me like there's no number you can put on that I don't give a shit if they took that away from me tomorrow well spot if I don't

obviously but well you know I mean I'm like it's it's amazing but I still feel like the same person back in Pennsylvania is that this is a conversation I've had previously with one of the very successful women on my podcast

you built an exceptional business is there a unique dynamic when a woman becomes incredibly successful as you have in terms of her relationships with a man some of my girlfriends have often said to me that they think men can often feel

emasculated a little bit when their partner is incredibly successful yeah I remember the when I started call her daddy I was having a really hard time with dating just because as the show got bigger

yeah men were so insecure but also that may have been because I was the next morning talking about them on the show like this is what his whatever looks like okay but no I really

struggled to find genuine relationships of like again I still feel like the like awkward girl that like still at times looks in the mirror and I'm like hyper fixating on certain things about myself like I'm still insecure so like

yes I'm the call her daddy girl but I'm also Alex from Newtown Pennsylvania that was bullied and awkward and insecure and like hated everything about herself so like I always wanted them to know that version of me that's worked on myself to

have self love to respect myself like that version is who I want them to love but you also have to love my job and respect it and and appreciate that this is my passion my partner now I remember meeting him and I was like oh he's the one

because he's so successful in his own right and the amount of times that he's been like you could stop all this tomorrow I would love you but you are so talented it's like the hottest thing about you like when you start talking about your job

I like melt for you because you're so engaged and passionate and excited and I love how passionate you are it makes me so happy to be your partner that I can watch you live out your dreams and I was like okay you passed the test like

but but it's hard like I think if you're in a relationship it's not to say that you there's going to be moments where your partners down you're up financially where they're at in their career their status like if you just got a promotion your

partner just got fired like that's going to happen but overall respect was a huge thing for me where this means more to me than anything and I need someone that can respect that like I'm going to choose a lot of times my career in moments

and I need you right now to ride with me on this wave of like maybe in 10 years it's not going to be the same and my partner like was the this is the first part I've ever had that is my biggest cheerleader is you know we're potentially going to do some stuff

work wise together and he's like you be the face of it you do it like I don't like this is you like this is like all you and it's so refreshing to have someone have such an intact ego that when we're going to bed at night

it's like how was your day how was your day all the successes all the issues failures ups and downs we're like we'll get through it together and that is I'm like it's allowed me to probably be 10 times better at my job because I have a secure partner

I have a really great relationship and now when I'm showing up to work I'm feeling even more supported than just being supported by myself and my immediate family

if your partner wasn't successful in his own right do you think it would work

I think you have to define success because I actually had this conversation with him the other day

it's not about money it's about I couldn't be with someone that wasn't passionate about something that didn't have their own sense of identity their own sense of drive and want that doesn't work for me because I'm a very passionate

and where like I I've been on dates with guys where I'm like I get it like you're you don't feel I'm I'm like electric when I talk about my job and I think that's okay

I think you I need someone that's equally has something in their life that they feel so driven and pulled by that it allows two individuals to come and make a great couple but we got our own things

I don't give a shit if he's not making money if it's every single day he's waking up working for a nonprofit and is like I'm going to change the world

go off absolutely love that it's success to me is more that like you're successful in working towards something that you're so passionate about that it does consume you at times

because I'm a workaholic and like I can't have someone that's like I just want to chill like and there's nothing wrong with that

I'm just a really aggressive motherfucker and I'm like I need to be working and I want to be fulfilled and I am fulfilled by my job so it doesn't have to be your job but you have to be successful in life of what you're aiming towards

achieving you have to have some type of achievement some type of passion some type of purpose or else we're not going to have too much to talk about because I can't shut up so like yeah yeah even if it's like you're a teacher you're a teacher

and you love what you're doing you're changing these kids lives you're showing up amazing it's just you have to you have to have something because I've clearly got something and it's my baby and it's called her daddy

you've clearly got something that's for sure I told you a second ago that guests when they leave here they write a question in the diary

what we did because the conversations we have here tend to lean more towards the vulnerable side of people as we turn them into these little cards so you can play at home

and no one's ever seen the question who's written the question they don't know who's written them and they don't know what the questions are but this box has a couple of questions and I've taken about 60 of them out but I've picked a couple for you

and I've just slide it across the table alright Steven here we go and I would like you to pick a question out of the conversation cards okay I might ask you to pick more than one so let's see how we get on

okay whichever one calls you oh my god I have two okay

pain do you enjoy having what um oh my god

we don't want to be demonetized on YouTube so just oh right YouTube oh I've cursed too many times no I know it's fine the casting is fine the casting is fine I mean I'm concerned about what you are

oh you're like the Gollard Addie girl is about to tell me about pain she's experienced no no no I'm gonna get deeper than that nope unintended oh my god

YouTube what pain do you enjoy having I think I've enjoyed the pain of experiencing true love

I thought I was in love in the past I was in certain variations of whatever I could be capable of giving for love and receiving for love but recently I've really experienced the painful moments of loving someone going through

grief loss death with them going through moments of disconnect moments of not knowing if it was gonna work out like I felt such pain in moments but

also such happiness and joy that completely overrides the pain but I don't think I've ever experienced it the way that I have with this

partner in the beginning that it it was painful to get to where we are now now I don't experience that pain with my partner but like it was

don't curse um you can curse it was a motherfucker in the beginning to try to

align is this gonna work because we both knew it was there but we were at a little bit of different points in our lives and I think that

yeah I enjoy the pain of love and like real like once in a lifetime it feels like love

Daddy Gangs would be like you sappy bitch what we've lost you I'm still here it's okay

Can I ask you to pick another card one more

Absolutely I told you I would be here for five hours if you let me say like I will just keep talking

I'm gonna fly back to London tonight so please

Okay you gotta fly you gotta fly

Do you think your younger self would be proud look up to you now

yeah yeah I do which is so crazy if anything I wish I could have shown my younger self in those really really dark moments like

bitch you got this like look what you're about to do like just wait hang in there I think I would be so proud of myself because I've

stayed honest with myself I've stayed loyal to what I've wanted and I've gone for it I've taken a lot of risks and I've put myself out there

which was not something I like to do when I was younger so I think my younger self would be like damn we did it

That phone that I proverbially slid you earlier on I said to call your ex-business partner if you had 30 seconds

If I slid you that phone now and I said you can have a conversation with 8, 10, 12 year old Alex Cooper

and you can say anything to her and you've got 60 seconds to say it to her

Slide you the phone you call her what do you say

I know right now it feels like there's no getting out of the pain I know you feel so alone you feel unseen

you feel unloved you feel unworthy but I promise you every single thing you're going through right now

is gonna build you into the person that you're gonna be so proud to be in the future

and it's worth it hang in there ask for help you don't have to do everything alone

and I love you

In The Diary of a CEO we have hundreds of questions that have been left by our guests and we've put them on these cards

and on these cards you have the question that's been left in The Diary of a CEO

the name of the person who wrote the question and if you turn it over there's a QR code

if you scan that code you can see which guest answered the question and watch the video of them answering it

every time I've done this podcast and every time we've asked the kind of questions we ask here

I feel a tremendous sense of affinity to the guest and our aim with these cards is that you can create that sense of connection

through vulnerability at home with the people you love the most

and I have some good news for you as of today you can add your name to the waiting list to be the first in line

to get your own set of conversation cards at theconversationcards.com

What's next for you?

A lot that is very exciting

You're launching a business aren't you?

I can tell and is it a product?

What is it?

I think that

Tell me Kylie Jenner tell me

You're gonna be on Forbes

I think it's gonna make a lot of sense

It's staying in my space

I'm never gonna be like

I'm coming out with a water

I'm never gonna do something that people are like oh god she sold out

Within the next month I'll be launching something that

is just going to completely elevate and expand the Call Her Daddy brand

Everything that I'm passionate about that I've talked about today

it's just expanding and it's gonna allow Call Her Daddy to live in so many new places

and you're gonna be able to experience Call Her Daddy and that brand

and other things that I'm passionate about

you're going to be able to consume it

and there's just gonna be a lot more that you're gonna be able to

watch and see

You've achieved so much

It's funny because when I was thinking about this new venture that you're gonna be launching

something you said earlier was really thought provoking to me

you talked about how you've kind of just got to ask the world and executives

and people that you're meeting for what you want

even if you don't really know it what you want

that like idea of like demanding from people what you want

I think you said this when you spoke to Jay as well on his show

and it rang a bell in my head somewhere

because I'd heard someone a young member of my team say

that they in some respects felt like they're kind of faking it

but they needed to fake it to get the value that they deserve

and I reflect on that I think in the conversation with Jay

you were talking about how women struggle with this more than men in business

because of that sort of reluctance or whatever

How important do you think it is for people listening now that look up to you

for them to fake it before they make it

or to you know like demand from the world what they want

even if they don't feel like they deserve it

I think it's everything because I don't want you to be disingenuous with yourself

but I also want you to realize like

confidence is a word that feels so like

just be confident it is so hard to be confident

you can be confident in certain aspects of your life

and very unconfident in others you can be confident in your friendships

but when you walk into work you're so unconfident or the complete opposite

I would say with business I've learned like

if you know what you want

that is something you should be able to locate what do you want

what do you

or what do you at least think you want

what makes you happy

what is a goal you can at least put on the map

because if not then like take a little minute for yourself

like come up with something

then when you're walking into these rooms

you can allow that to kind of be your compass

I know there's so many things for Call Her Daddy that I've wanted to do for so long

and I know that my audience knows like

I have kept Call Her Daddy in this bubble

and it's almost like about to burst

like I've just stayed with the podcast

I have my merch but like I don't do much

I don't really do anything other than it

so I think when I think about expanding

in my mind it needs to be

so perfect but also I'm like but there's so many opportunities

what do I want to do

you don't actually need to know exactly like the

into the weeds of it

start having conversations leading with that compass of this is what I know I want

and ask people for help talk to people like

I've been having so many meetings that I'm like

I hate meetings just let me go create

but I've been having so many meetings about what I'm about to be launching

and there's been people that are able to ask me questions

that I wouldn't have been able to think about had I been at home thinking

so it's like having a compass of what you know you are driving towards

and then opening it up for discussion around people that have

complete different ideas and mindsets

and you will be able to find help

sometimes I think we think we have to do it all on our own in business

like don't let anyone know what you're up to

it's not there no one can actually take that away from you

because whatever you're going to do is going to be unique to you

but I do think I had a hard time asking for help

and now finally I'm having meetings with people that are so brilliant

and they're allowing me to think past

what my brain was only able to see

and now it's opened up a world so anyone in business

don't be afraid to even have like a

hey can I pick your mind for like a little bit like let's go to a coffee

I just have like some questions I want to ask you

all of a sudden you're going to leave there

and you're going to either know more about what you want to do

or it could have completely spun you in a different direction

either way you're going to take something positive from it

but I think a lot of times in business especially as women it's like

be hush hush like don't let anyone know what you're doing

like I think that's I think it's yes of course

keep to close to the chest of like an IP that you're working on

someone can't steal and you haven't trademarked or something

but like open yourself up to other people

helping you you don't have to do it all on your own

directionally then you're talking about the compass there

directionally what does Alex Cooper want

I think I really am looking forward to

doing what I always wanted to do

producing and directing

I didn't intend to be an on-host talent

let me be so clear I remember in college

my professors were like you should be like a sports announcer

and I was like no and like nothing against sports announcers

I just knew my bones I was like I don't want to do that

I don't want it like I always wanted to be behind the camera

then it just so happened that I'm in front of it

and like I'm like oh I do like it but

producing I'm like producing myself as I'm talking right now

like I'm naturally more of a producer than just like a talent

so I think what I want to be able to do is to explore

pass just the immediate producing of a podcast

what else can I produce

sounds like a media company or something

or a studio

the Alex Cooper

I don't know Stephen

that was a long sip

chug gold thing and keep drinking

what's your next question

my next question comes from the book

let's see what has been left for you

the guests never know who they're leaving it for

what is one thing in your life

that is currently hindering your happiness

and what will you do to rectify it

this is really weird but

I actually was I had something

that was hindering my life

a little bit in my happiness

and I spent the whole past weekend

just trying to figure out like how do I

can I say this

there was something that I was not

someone in my life that was

really bringing negativity to my life

and I've worked on boundaries

with my therapist

and then my therapist's classic line is

you love to set a boundary

and you hate to maintain it

and I'm like fuck

you're so good at being boundary

and then a week later I'm like how's the boundary

and you're like it's gone

so I finally for the first time

just kind of ended a relationship

with a friend

and it was really

just like negative and toxic

and it just was like

I felt that weight

that you're like oh my god I'm waking up

and thinking about this

this is so negative in my life

and I was able to kind of

put an end gracefully to a situation

that clearly wasn't making either of us happy

and I was so proud of myself

because oh trust me I was like

replaying the conversation

practicing in front of my boyfriend

like how do I say this

like confrontation to me

I'd rather flip backwards

and go into a different stratosphere

than have confrontation

but I was proud of myself

because I was feeling really really icky about the situation

and I

I had a conversation

that was kind of beautiful

and ended a really toxic situation

cheers

not easy

difficult conversations

you know people ask me this question all the time because I'm a podcaster

they always say and I'm sure you get asked this so often

that you're fucking sick of it

you have a pre-written answer

but I'm just personally interested

what to you now makes for a perfect interview

on your show

like what are the cool components of just a really great call her daddy

interview

that you're looking for from the guest

I'm looking for them

first and foremost to show up

with an open mind

um

I told you before this

I was like someone I just recorded with

was like everyone in the morning

before I came and filmed with you was like do you want a cocktail

do you need a drink

and the woman was like why do I need a cocktail

like you're freaking me out

like I think call her daddy has now set a standard

of like we're gonna go there

so I think

I want people to come open minded of

I'm not trying to exploit you or exploit your life

I'm actually in long form trying to get to know you

as a whole human being

and that's why I really respect your show

and you're so good at what you do because

you're just listening and you're trying to pivot

with them to understand

who they are and what makes them them

so I think coming in open minded is

the first bit because I think

there's a lot online

for call her daddy that people are like

here we go

like this is about to get wild

I think the second thing is

someone that is willing

to

express things that maybe

they're not even comfortable

saying or they haven't even fully

thought out because I feel like

the show does a great job of

holding someone in a space of like

we'll work through it like say it and then

let's like backtrack and I'm never gonna let someone

say something that's wild

and then they're like I didn't give context

we'll get the context so I think someone that's

willing to just speak

very frankly and openly

I think sometimes

especially celebrities

have been burned so many times in media

that they are really

closed off and I actually think it does a

disservice to them because then they come off

more rigid

or more unlikable or

less authentic

and so I think my goal

is always to have someone

basically trust me

which is wild

they are meeting me usually for the first time

ever when they sit down with me

and I think that I've

been able somehow to gain this report

with people in the first like two minutes

before we actually start where

I think they feel like

she's definitely not what I thought

I think when you meet me in person it's very different than what you see online

I think

people immediately soften

or like oh wait

this feels different than what I expected

and then I just ask that they trust me

that I'm really here to

have a really

exciting and interesting conversation

and I'm not trying to ruin your life

and let's see where it goes

but most of the time when people

then come in our vulnerable and open

and are willing to go there

that's what makes the best episode

we're all going through most

of the same shit themes wise

different levels

but the human emotion is the human emotion

I don't care if you're sitting

in one country or the other

it's all going to be different

but it is all relatively similar

that we can at least be like

I can kind of connect to that

that's always the goal

just speak and I'll do the job to wrap it

in a bow to make sure that

everyone feels somehow connected to this person

where's your line

in terms of early on you said it took you a while

to share with your audience

that you had been bullied when you were younger

do you still have things now where you go

I'm not quite ready

to share that yet

or I'm thinking about

sharing this part of my life

with my audience

yeah I mean I've been like

really open

I do think there's a couple

things that I am only

just keeping more close to the chest

because I want to formulate them

more insight than just

an immediate throw it up

like I think that the

podcasting is amazing because

I can sit for an hour

and talk so

I think it's

way more stimulating to hear someone

speak from in the first day

that it happened to me I was dealing with this

a month later I

felt like this so I think there's a couple

things in my life that I'm just trying to

experience

a little bit more before I

speak on it

anything off limits

no

I am like

I feel like I've said everything on the internet

that now as I progress anytime

I'm like should I say that I'm like

I really

I don't know why but I'm very

unafraid to just like you could ask me

anything and I'm like I'll answer your question

like there's never I don't have publicist with me

like I don't really care

that sounds like a challenge

I gotta go

time to go

I think

the question I'm going to ask you then seeing as you challenge me

and this is my last question to you

it's actually one of those cards in there

I reflected on it when I was picking the cards

that I wanted you to

to have it was

your arms are crossed

I say that

it's like the card

which card it was

that's an interesting one

that's a doozy

yeah this one's a real stitch up

let me find the one it was

ah it's this one

I'll put it back in there and I'll wrap it up

just so you can uncover it there you go

it will be the first one

there's only one in there

oh

oh

no

tell me

something you have never told

anyone before

oh I'm gonna have to sit here

for an hour and think about this

as you know I can never shut up

so I'm pretty open

something I've never told

anyone

oh my god

I don't know if this is gonna be anti-chromatic

but

I would say that I don't think I

ever

express

how as great as everything

I've been talking about is

that

my career

scares me

at times

I don't think I've ever said that out loud

to anyone because I think I come off

with a lot of confidence and I love

what I do but it's scary

in moments

how do I explain this and take this

out of my brain

we live

one life, we're here

and I'm kind of like

this is what I chose to do

and I'm

28 right now

it's a little scary to think

of how publicly I've decided

to live my life

and I

try not to think about how

scary it is at times

because I don't think

it's a very relatable thing to say

when I'm producing my show

I'm always like that doesn't sound relatable

of talking about your comment section

it's

really fucking scary how

much

every week I just keep putting myself

out there and I

it's almost like there's no time

to stop and wonder

am I

is this what I

should be doing or

would I be happier doing something else

because I am really happy

but it's like this public

world

isn't

exactly what I

wanted in terms of producing

content

you can do while not being a public facing

person

so I think

it freaks me out

sometimes and then I just try to not

think about it because I don't think

just like anyone

if you're going through something

I can't really explain the feelings

maybe unless you're

in this situation which I know

is like oh boo who you chose this but

it's really fucking weird

having millions of people

watching you

listening to you

taking your advice

living out what you're telling them to do

like sometimes I'm like

fuck

like

am I doing it right

am I

I think social media

it's a little

it's just a little

weird because I don't think it's

natural

so I just struggle

sometimes with that

this is really fucking

scary

I'm sitting here right now

but it still doesn't register me that

so many people are going to listen to this

I'm half blacking out in this interview

but I'm like oh shit and then

these are my high thoughts always

but the perception that people have of me

on the internet

I kind of feel like that is who I am

but is that who I am

you have to perform

when you're in front of this microphone

I'm not talking all day

contrary to what I've said

but like it just is a little unnatural

and so it's

scary to

reflect sometimes

and be like

have I taken this too far

like

what am I doing and then the other side of me is like

go like you're living your dream

like get after it but I'm like but like

would it be better

if all these people weren't watching and I picked

something a little bit more behind the scenes

I don't know

I have to figure that out but it's

it's scary as hell

it's hard to undo

because it's

also intoxicating and it's addicting

and it's

unrelenting every single week

what's the new episode you put out one that people don't like to guess

that was shit what's your next one

you're like oh my god oh my god and it's like

not a normal job

to have to be like please please please

give give give give give oh my god be better

get the next one like make it make sure it

has this many views get like you're literally

like

what like in bed at night I'm like

what is the next thing and so it's a little

it's like thrilling

and exciting as hell

as a creator but also as a human

being

it's scary how

are you truly feeling

right now in this moment or in life

in life

I'm really happy

I really am like

probably the happiest I've ever been

and I think that's probably why I'm

able to be just so like

all over the place open right now because

I love to though

think about

what's next

what am I doing

but I feel

very happy and if you would ask me that

like

eight months ago I'd be like

no

so

I'm happy I'm just

constantly

in my head thinking like I

can't stop it's like

2 a.m.

and I'm like picking up my phone

writing notes like

so I sometimes I'm like please

stop my brain never is

like silent

so I think that's where

I start having conversations like this

now I'm going to be home like

whoa

like this is giving me a lot to think about

but um

no I am really happy I just

this job is

very fucking weird

so I'm trying to figure it out

I'm 28 I've been doing this for

only four years publicly

which it seems like it's been a lifetime

literally it feels like it's been

I feel like I've been doing this my whole life

and then to think of how big the show is

and how many millions of people are watching me

every day and I'm like I've been doing this for four years

that is actually a really short

amount of time but it

feels so much longer than it actually

is

so

whoa

yeah

well this is why this is why

you're brilliant isn't it

that obsession and with that obsession

comes the cost of the 2am

note section in the iPhone

that's the cost of the brilliance right

and there's always a cost to our brilliance

but thank you so much for the inspiration

you've been an inspiration for me on this show

when I'm trying to figure out which way to go

and trying to take cues on like why

you've managed to build such an intense

immense connection with your audience

and yeah I'm so excited to see this

production company launch

the Alex Cooper studios and your movies

and all of these things you're going to do in the future

if they have the same principles as your current show

they're going to be equally as awesome

and I'd love to invest in that

if you're ever looking for an investor so

thank you so much Stephen

you are so talented at what you do

and I don't think I've

ever had a conversation with cameras

around this honest

and I really appreciate whenever

people are getting vulnerable

and talking about their feelings

it does take a very specific type of human being

for someone to open up and I felt

immediately comfortable with you

and you're so talented so thank you

for having me on because this was

a pleasure but now also I'm going to be

not stopping thinking about all the things I just

said for the rest of the week and I'm like

shit no thank you thank you thank you

thank you so much Alex

quick one

as you guys know we're lucky enough to have blue jeans

as a sponsor and supporter of this podcast

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but he believed in this podcast before anybody

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Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.