SmartLess: “Conan O’Brien: LIVE in Boston”

Hey, listener, and welcome to SmartList.

Before we get into this incredible episode,

I want just a moment of your time

to set the stage a little bit.

Sean and Jason and I went on a SmartList tour last year

where we recorded 10 episodes live

in front of thousands of our biggest fans

from Brooklyn to Los Angeles, and guess what?

Right now, there are more live episodes

from our tour on Wondry Plus that you can listen to.

You can listen to these episodes four weeks early

and add free on Wondry Plus,

after which you can hear them for free

wherever you get your podcast.

Find Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

All right, welcome to SmartList.

Welcome, everyone.

Please remember to turn off your cell phones.

This is a reminder there is no photography

or recording permitted.

Now, please enjoy the show.

Go, Socks.

Oh, man.

Wow.

What's, um...

Did they do the announcement?

Yeah.

Oh, they did the announcement?

The guy did the announcement, yeah.

The guy already did the announcement

and told them to turn off their phones.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

All right, well...

Do you think everybody turned their phones off?

Wait a second, why are they applauding?

Can they hear us?

I guess, well, we're also doing a brand new episode...

Of?

SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Let's do it.

SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Welcome to SmartList.

Okay, good rehearsal.

Let's go back.

We could have done that before the show, I guess.

We have a fourth member that we're announcing tonight.

He's shy, he's got a loose bow, so he's gonna go...

He's shy. He's very shy.

We're so excited to be in Boston!

Boston!

Hey!

What?

And there are people up there, too?

I think so.

Wow!

This is really, really, really weird.

You guys are so nice to come out and see us tonight.

Thank you.

I know, and the weather is so crappy out there.

Thank you for raving the elements.

Yeah.

You know?

We've...

We're really excited to be here.

Yeah, yeah.

Should we turn on the house lights?

I want to see, like, all these people.

Yeah, just for a second, just for a second.

Or do we not want to see all these people?

You can't see them.

Oh, there they are.

We just want to see everybody.

Wow!

Hi, everybody!

Yeah, so nice.

Thank you for coming.

It's so nice to see you.

Wow.

We're nuts.

All right, let's sit.

Yeah, let's sit.

Let's sit.

We'll sit down.

Wow.

This is really... No, no, we're gonna switch.

We did a show.

We did a show indeed.

We're so well rehearsed.

Well, Jay, you just turned your chair.

You got to leave it out a little bit.

I got to leave it out a little bit.

Yeah.

All right.

And...

I'm sitting on a mic pack.

All right, so this is where we...

This is...

So we're past the cold open.

Now we do...

Oh, this is just us bullshitting before the guest.

Bullshitting.

About our day.

I'm new.

I'm brand new.

About our day.

Well, today...

Well, first of all,

Will always makes fun of my emails.

I just heard you mention it downstairs

before he came up.

He thinks I email too much.

I think I don't...

Because I'm always on emails.

He's like, hey, cool it with the emails.

Because they let...

Wait, did you...

No, it's not about the you email too much.

It's that you feel a need to respond immediately

and you don't think through your answer.

Well...

It's true.

And then you get in a lot of trouble.

I do.

By the way, good note, good note.

I do get in a little bit of trouble,

but I like to respond quickly

because I like when people respond quickly to me.

Okay.

Here's what I don't like.

How difficult is it to proofread your text,

your email, check your punctuation?

Like if you send me something

that's not well-spelt or well-punctuated,

I don't feel like you really mean it.

You didn't really check through it.

You feel disrespected.

That's how I want to communicate my thought

and now I hit send.

If somebody doesn't do that,

then I kind of half read it.

So you're saying that's what I do?

I don't think I've ever gotten an email from you before.

No, no, no.

What are you talking about?

It's mostly text, but you're right.

Sean's our adult.

When we have to do...

Which is sad.

When we have to do a three-headed email

back to the people who are nice enough

to fund something like this,

he's the one that puts it together

and it's always very mixed up.

Who answers first?

Is it, who do you think of everybody who answers first?

To every email that we get business-wise.

Sean.

Sean.

Yeah.

I'm a tight second.

But you hate that.

I do hate that.

I like taking a second.

All right.

By the way, it's so much more than a second.

You don't even respond at all

because Will is conflict-averse

and so he doesn't want to be a part of anything

that can be slightly problematic.

That's true.

Well, first of all, I'm not conflict-averse.

I like conflict in the immediate, right?

So I like interpersonal conflict,

like when we're having a conversation.

That I enjoy.

I don't like real conflict

that has to do with like greater big world implications.

No, sure.

You know what I mean?

He's the king of, you know, the people that go,

hey, sorry, just seeing this, you know?

Just getting to this.

That's so true.

What's up?

Thanks, everybody.

I'm on board with all.

Yeah.

That's so true.

And you know, but I said this to you Will earlier today

that sometimes I'll be falling asleep at night

and I'll start laughing so hard

because of something Jason or Will said

the previous, like that day, right?

I do that to brushing my teeth.

I spit all over the mirror.

Idiot.

But last night, Will made us all cry so hard

because we were eating sushi and he...

And I kept saying...

It's so dumb.

It's so dumb.

It's the greatest dad joke ever.

And I kept saying, I didn't have time

to make dinner tonight.

So I ordered Japanese sashimi.

Not a great delivery.

It's not a great delivery.

What's that?

Delivery for, you know,

because we were going to do sashimi.

By the way, and know that we're laughing

not only because the punch is kind of dumb,

but it's so dumb.

It's so stupid.

It's so dumb.

You know what?

You're going to find a better delivery

somewhere in this interview with your guest.

You just work it back in and they'll still see.

I imagine that our guest is going to try to work it in

because our guests can sometimes, they like...

Can I just provide a segue?

Yeah, you did.

Are you guys ready for the guest?

Our guest really likes to work in sweaty bits.

Let me just say that.

Oh, whoa.

Like, in sweaty bits of clothes?

No, no, no, no.

Is this a workout specialist?

I don't mean like, their meats and cheeses are sweaty.

I mean, that they like to do bits

and that sometimes the bits get pretty sweaty.

This is somebody that we know quite well.

This is somebody, and when I say we,

I mean that we all know quite well.

Is this person specific to Boston?

This person is specific to Boston

in that this person is from Boston.

Is it a sports person, is it a...

Male or female?

This person is a, not a sports person.

Are you unsure on the gender?

Well, I'll let you decide.

By the way, the world just kind of,

my questions just opened a little more

now that it's not a sports person,

now that I don't love sports,

I just don't know a lot of them.

But, well, hang on a second,

just but we'll get back to this.

You, I know your whole thing, you don't like sports,

but recently, you've started to enjoy football.

Oh my God, I love football.

There we go.

Yeah.

I watch it.

That's a great sound bite.

Yeah, I watch it and I'm like blown away

by the science of the guy throwing the ball

and timing it and the guy catching it.

It's like, who can do that?

It's not called science.

What do you mean who can do that?

Lots of people can do that.

But not like, like who was the guy

I was watching the game?

Oh, the Rams, the guy from the Rams.

He's amazing.

Matt Stafford.

Matt Stafford.

Yeah.

Do you know, hang on, check this out.

Do you know the really famous quarterback

that played for the Patriots?

Okay, well now you're making me laugh.

No, no, no.

What's this?

No clue.

Wait a minute.

Who is it again?

No, no, I'm asking you to get that.

No, no, I know what.

But he used to play for the Patriots

from the bulk of his career.

And then he just finished up his career in Tampa Bay.

Oh boy.

Oh boy.

Give me the first, give me the first.

First name, Tom.

Brady.

Woo.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Is that our guest?

Is that our guest?

Our guest is not Tom Brady.

Well, it can't be.

He retired.

Our guest is like the opposite of Tom Brady.

Wait, who are the opposite of Tom Brady?

Our guest is from Boston, is so angry

that they can't be Tom Brady.

This person is,

this person is a clown.

A clown?

This person has lived in many cities after Boston.

This person lived in Chicago.

This person was roommate with Bob Odenkirk

and worked with Bob Odenkirk very closely.

Is this Kross?

This person worked in California,

wrote on The Simpsons,

wrote on Saturday 8th Live, Mr. Conan O'Brien.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Yeah.

Please, please.

Please, please.

I've got to tell you.

We did a show last night

and it was Will's guess then too.

He brought on Will Farrell and I thought he couldn't top that.

Yeah, yeah.

And he didn't.

You know.

You notice that we're all strong.

What kind of show business are you running

where you tell a Boston crowd, it may be Tom Brady.

And I'm backstage and my dick goes up inside my body.

Even further?

Further.

Further than it already was.

I'm backstage and I was like, yes!

The greatest Boston sports hero of all time.

You guys like, no.

Not him.

Kind of the opposite.

I didn't say kind of.

You know what?

I did not say kind of.

I said he's the opposite.

What kind of shitty show business is this?

Unbelievable.

You excel in the sport of comedy.

Yes.

Oh, Sean.

Yeah.

I don't know who it was, but I was listening backstage

as best I could.

And someone, you said, Tom Brady is it a sports person?

You went, no, not a, kind of the opposite of a sports person.

And I swear I got one person way in the back, was like, Conan.

When did I become the dictionary definition

of all that is not excellence in sport?

What's the opposite of the most admired?

Conan!

I would like to know.

Wow.

I would like to know, as we spoke during the last few years

during the pandemic, you chose to do something a little

different with your hair.

And now you're going back to the original.

It's a great place to start.

It's a great place to start.

Really good place.

You usually want to soften up the guests.

No, it's good.

No, I don't know what it looks like because it

is raining ice outside.

Yeah.

And this podcast doesn't spend a lot of dough.

Wow.

We got you an umbrella, didn't we?

By the way, no, you sent me half an umbrella.

It should be noted.

It should be noted.

So before the show, Jason and Sean didn't know that Conan

came all the way from California to see you guys.

Yes, thank you.

And all right.

You didn't walk.

He rode his razor.

So I go into his dressing room and somebody on our team

has laid out a ton of smartless swag, like hats and stuff.

And he's got his own podcast and he is seething.

Oh, I see this stuff and I take a picture of it

and I send it to my podcast people.

We have a shower cap.

There's a Conan O'Brien needs a friend's shower cap.

And if you use it in the shower and it gets wet,

you see that it used to be for Alph, the TV show Alph.

Oh, no.

Old reference.

But anyway, I'll just lift this and put it over here.

Yeah, you give me shit for old references.

Come on.

What was the hair strategy before you came back?

I wanted to look like a puppet, a man, a puppet

that had been carved out of wood.

What did that look like?

Well, when I was a kid, true story, and I love,

I cracked this.

I cracked this, by the way, because.

That fucking hair, though, right now is just kicking.

It is an audio medium.

And you've got to use everything you can to boost.

You've got to get water busted.

Anyway, what happened was, I got it wet.

And then I was like, I'll be fine.

And I just ran a hair dryer through it.

And it looks like I've been electrocuted.

My apologies.

But this will be good, you know?

No, this is really good.

It looks great.

This is good for your brand.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Listen, the first thing I want to get to,

and this is a bit of a touchy subject, not for you,

but for Jason.

So we're not going to talk about his incredible guest

appearance on Will's new show, Murderville.

Well.

Let's get that out of the way, because it's incredible.

Conan was unbelievable.

All improvisation.

Jason, your resting stance is to have your hand on your dick.

It's incredible.

No, I swear to God.

He's looking at me.

If I was on the subway, and you were sitting opposite me

and doing that, I would call the police.

What?

And I would.

Is anyone else noticing this?

He's like this.

Hey, what's going on with your hair?

What's with your hair, buddy?

Why did you put up with that?

I said, I don't mind.

I don't mind that.

Here we go.

I'm going to point it at Sean.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yes, thank you.

Thank you for Murderville.

Conan came on, had no idea what we were doing.

I didn't see you until we started rolling,

and you were thrown into this bizarre situation.

No, they never tell you what's going on.

Well, for Tracy, tell them what Murderville is.

And by the way, Murderville has got amazing reviews

everywhere.

Yeah, thank you.

I think my favorite headline so far

is O'Brien Saves Arnett with Murderville.

Is that one of them?

I wrote that.

In the O'Brien Gazette.

Who's at the Arnett Gazette today?

It's a really fun show to do.

And what happens is you know nothing,

and they just tell you basically all you know

is you're the trainee, and you're

going to be paired up with the detective, Will.

It's an improv show.

It's an improv show, but we never

talked about how scary that is.

Because quite literally, you're sequestered,

and then you're just brought to the edge of a set,

and they go, and action.

The guest star is the only person that has to improvise.

It has no script.

The person who's most fearful gets no script, right?

Which is nice of you, Will.

I actually find that liberating, because

You don't have to learn lines.

You don't learn lines, and people come in the room

and say things like, O'Brien, and you're just like,

yes, chief, and it's fun.

It's really fun.

When is the last?

I kept saluting everybody.

I kept saluting everybody.

But when is the last time you had to learn lines?

Because isn't all your stuff on Promptor?

Don't hit me.

It's not all on Promptor.

Yes, I've never conquered the movie realm, as all of you have.

But one day I will.

These cheekbones will not go to waste.

No, but I mean, is that something,

like have you always wanted to do a regular scripted show?

No, no.

I never have.

I've never wanted anything.

I like to say things the minute I think of them,

and I'm very happy in this.

This silly world works, because I used to work.

My job was to try and think of what's the cleverest thing,

and I loved it, and also found it to be incredibly difficult.

Well, when you started to go and you started to perform,

obviously, you maybe didn't have to learn lines,

but you did so many great classic sketches on all your shows.

They were unbelievable, and you had the incredible sketch

comedians working with you.

You did great stuff.

But when you were writing sketches and things for other people,

was that frustrating?

No, I have to say, because I was writing.

I mean, this is a very, I'm sure, a very young crowd,

but so these...

Our demo is very young.

Yeah, super young.

I know that's not true, but it's good for advertising.

And by the way, thank you for your service

in the Korean conflict.

I saw them loading in the crowd, and you're like,

I can do it myself.

It better not be Conan O'Brien tonight.

Oh, if it's Conan, how gets you in?

But...

Again, incredible character work.

You know, my characters, well, whatever, we won't get into it.

There's Streep and Conan, and what else is there, but...

But writing sketches for other people.

I was writing for, you know, Dana Carvey and Mike Myers

and, you know, Adam Sandler and all these people,

and I never looked at what they were doing and thought,

that should be me.

I knew that they could do these things

that I couldn't really do.

That wasn't what I was interested in.

I knew that I had to be Conan myself to be funny.

So I never envied them.

I envied them the attention and all that.

But those moments when you write something and you think,

like, oh, the joke would have been 15% better if they hit this.

Like, did that ever?

Those guys are so good.

Yeah, yeah, those guys are all stars.

And that's the thing, is I was working with people

that were so great.

I think if I had been working on some show

that I didn't really respect, I might be thinking,

why not me? Why not me?

But I was never in that situation.

When you say you're really excited to do something

where you can say what you're thinking of right

when you're thinking of it, like you can on your show.

Or this medium, yeah.

What we're trying to be disciplined about on this

and on the podcast is not to get canceled

by just saying the first thing that,

like, because like that happens.

How did you, I would imagine.

Yeah, how did you avoid it?

Because honestly, you're so right.

You're so right to be canceled.

I have a lot of, I have a lot of controversial views

that my friends know about.

And I'd like to air them out right here.

Good idea.

But when you're dealing with-

I believe science has yet to prove, huh?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, wait, go on and no.

Don't do it.

Has anyone seen the virus?

I haven't.

I'm gonna say the same thing.

Asking to believe in something you can't see

sounds like a religion to me.

I'm just saying.

What I was gonna bring up was the touchy thing

was that your Christmas party

and that you didn't invite Bateman.

Oh yeah.

Let's get into this.

We're not close.

We're not close.

Wait a second.

So this is true.

So after I came to your,

so Jimmy and I were there at your party

and then we went over to our other friends after

and Jason was there and Bateman's like,

why are you guys so late?

I said, oh, well, we were at Conan's.

Oh, you were at Conan's Christmas party?

What, my phone number doesn't work?

Everybody at this other party

was either fresh from your party

or set to leave for your party.

Can I explain?

Everybody.

I can explain to you in one quick gesture.

There were 400 people.

Yeah.

There is one.

This is all so real.

There is a very simple reason

why you have not been invited to my Christmas party

and why you will never be invited to my Christmas party.

And that's that you came to my house one time.

No.

And you sat down.

Yes, you did.

And you planted yourself in the corner.

Hand on cock.

And I have kids.

I have little kids.

And they got really uncomfortable.

And I said, she's a nice guy.

And he was like, yeah, get on back here.

That's fair.

No, I had like a, you know,

the legendary Bob Newhart comes to my party every year.

One of the great comic icons of all time.

And you people know,

you're all in your late 70s.

And I can't have you sitting across from him,

rubbing up against me.

I played his son in a television series.

You dick.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

And guess what?

You were doing it then.

And he didn't like it then either.

That's another good one.

I was invited to that party.

Yeah, you do it.

That's all I have to say.

But you didn't come.

You didn't come.

I couldn't come.

Couldn't come or wouldn't come.

The last one.

No, I couldn't make it.

Who can't make it to a Conan O'Brien party?

If I sit in this crowd right now,

we're all going back to Conan's place.

Look at that.

But this guy over here.

I had previous engagements.

I see.

No, no, no.

You're so cagey.

What are you?

What do you mean?

Sean with his dog.

What's that dog's name again?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's get into it.

Dickie.

Ricky.

Ricky.

So Ricky.

Brings the dog wherever he goes.

I have a lot of anxiety.

It's like a child because he's still a puppy.

So I don't want to leave it alone for more than two hours

or else I freak out.

So around.

But next year I will go.

Also, we have a tradition at our Christmas party

which is called catch the puppy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We toss it around.

Brutal.

Sean knows about it and was like,

I'm not gonna do it.

And it was.

And we will be right back.

Thank you to True Classic for supporting the show.

Now this is my favorite time of the year, right?

We've got, we got summer here.

So it's beach parties, barbecues,

hanging out at the beach, you know, you name it.

And while I love the warmer weather,

boy can be hard to dress for the heat, right?

Guys, listen, huh?

Don't we all have those little clothes fits in the summer?

Man, you know what I'm talking about, right?

Especially for us guys, right?

We want to be comfortable in a T-shirt that fits great, right?

Because listen, there's only a couple of Brad Pitt's

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And after 17 years, a kidnapping

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Enjoy Over My Dead Body,

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And now, back to the show.

Wait, I wanna ask you something

because you've been so successful

at being a host and a talk show host

for all of those years,

always at the top of your game,

one of the funniest, if not the funniest host of all time.

And I think, and...

No, no, no.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Even the best audio editor in the world

can't fix that gap.

Between what Sean said...

Let's try one more time.

...and an entire Wang Center filled with Bostonians going...

I'll try it again.

One of the funniest...

One of the nine bests.

If not...

One of the funniest, if not the funniest host of all time.

No.

Please.

Please keep in the original.

It's funny.

But then take me through it.

But then take me through it

because you did Late Night with Conan.

Yeah.

And that was the first one, right?

Yeah.

Then you did The Tonight Show.

Yeah.

Long picturing it.

Look, you're picturing it.

No, no, because I don't wanna miss one.

And then you did your own show on TBS, right?

Yeah, called Conan.

That's right.

And then...

And how did you guys come up with that?

But then you...

Now you have this incredibly successful podcast.

What is it about hosting and interviewing people?

Have you ever gotten tired of just like...

The forum...

Of interviewing.

Yeah.

I find this to be really fun.

Like, this is just...

And I will say the first thing I think to myself...

When I leave a stage like this,

I'll think this tonight, the first thing I'll leave.

A, I'll think I was not paid.

I got a smart-less beer cozy,

because we all know how much I love me a beer cozy.

And then...

The thing I will think about when I leave is...

This is not a job.

This is...

And I said this to you when I was on your podcast.

You find three people,

any one of whom I'd be delighted to hang out with

and screw around with.

This is how we...

But only by two to a party.

Well...

His hand off cock and maybe...

The invitation start to flow.

But was there ever a point where it did feel laborious

and you're like...

Yes.

Yeah.

A little bit right there.

Well, you're...

No, no, no.

As a host of me.

I...

You know, it's called a volume business.

So you guys are all out doing these...

That doesn't mean you have to yell.

But yeah.

Okay.

It's called a volume business.

And so I did like four or five shows a week for 28 years.

And what happens sometimes is that you're...

Yeah.

You're waiting for the applause again.

No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

People are...

Wait, 28 years?

28 years.

Yeah.

We did 4,600 shows.

And you know what?

I'm told seven are quite good.

But...

That's so impressive.

But the thing is...

Of course there's a part where it's a night where...

I mean, one of my favorite stories ever is the hilarious...

One of the funniest people that you will all attest

to one of the funniest people ever is Mr. Martin Short.

Yeah.

And Martin Short is just...

The best.

A treasure.

He is one of maybe all of us, I think, when he's around.

We all like...

We're like, okay, okay, it's Martin Short.

Yeah.

So there was a night many years ago where I'm...

And I've been doing this for years and years and I'm slogging through.

And unlike tonight, you know, let's say because you're doing so many shows

and you're doing three guests tonight, sometimes there's a guest on who maybe...

Yeah.

But you have to.

And it's 1.20 in the morning and they're here and you might as well deal with it.

And...

That definitely pointed to you.

Definitely was a point at you.

No, no, no, no.

But what happened was...

There it is.

See?

So Martin Short was the first guest, destroys, hilarious.

Then he moves down the couch and he's right where you are.

And I'm sitting here and the next guest comes and I'm not being mean or anything.

I honestly don't remember who it was.

It was an actress who had been modeling but now she was transitioning into acting.

Well, thank goodness.

And her...

Oh, what a story.

Yeah.

And her publicist had said, like, make sure you get that and that she's transitioning

now into acting because we're moving to the next phase.

I love that you don't want to say who it is but yet we can Google Conan O'Brien and

Marty Short.

Yeah.

There's probably three choices.

Yeah, but this means I have it both ways.

I'm a nice guy.

Right.

But fuck whoever that is.

So, no.

So anyway, I'm sitting in the chair.

This person comes out.

They sit next to me and Martin Short's right where you are and I'm getting through the

interview and then I see that question and it's just an awkward blame question.

But I got to do my job.

And I'm like, that's the moment where I thought, I really wish I wasn't here as I went.

So anyway, yeah, that's great.

That's a funny story.

You know, I'm curious.

You were a model and you modeled for a long time.

And now you're transitioning to acting.

Which one do you prefer?

Do you prefer the modeling or the acting?

And she paused before she answered and Marty's right where Will is and leans forward so that

only I can see him, not the audience, and goes.

Big shit.

I'll do this because it's radio or audio or podcast.

I said, give a big.

I can't wait to hear.

I'm hanging on every word.

So I start to laugh, but I'm biting on the start of my mouth.

And she's saying, well, it's tricky.

I love modeling, but also acting.

But then there's acting within this modeling.

And he's going, the whole time.

And I'm losing it.

And I'm biting so hard that I'm bleeding in my mouth.

And I go, anyway, it was really good talking to you.

Thank you very much.

We'll take a break.

We'll be right back.

Band plays and I get up and I walk around the couch and Marty's sitting there acting

like he had done nothing.

And I leaned in and sit into his ear while the band's playing.

I'm just trying to make a living.

You fucking asshole.

And he and I talk about that all the time.

Like, you know, he took a moment that was like, oh shit, this is a job too.

That's one of my favorite things that's ever happened.

But was somebody like, like, like Martin Short,

you don't have to stick to the pre sort of deter,

because for Tracy, when, when, when, when something.

Let's hear it for Tracy.

We are just, just as a quick sideline, we are going to see Tracy soon.

Yeah, we're going to see Tracy next week.

We're going to mess it.

And for those who don't know, Tracy is Sean's sister,

who doesn't know a lot about the business.

And so we always have to do an aside.

Wait, now we're doing for people who don't know who Tracy is.

Yeah.

You've got so fucking mad again.

So, so there's, so you, you usually, you don't predetermine how the interview is going to go,

but you talk with somebody who works for the talk show host and you kind of say,

well, what subjects are you comfortable talking about?

And you kind of work out where an interview could go,

what the questions might be, what the answers might be.

That's sort of like a failsafe if somebody doesn't know how to have a conversation.

What do you say the ratio is between guests that, that stick to the questions

because of their comfort level or lack of conversation skills

and those you can just kind of freestyle like Marty.

People that freestyle are very, are rare.

Super rare.

And you know what's interesting?

Absolutely true.

I've noticed this over all these years of doing this,

which is that there's something about the United Kingdom.

There's something about guests that have been, have come from that environment.

They are raconteurs.

They tell a story there.

And, and I, I swear to God, years and years and years of talking to just terrific,

great story British actors and they don't almost need a pre-interview.

You could just talk to them and they're funny and lovely and they're finishing your sentence.

And there's, what's that?

I've got to say it in a British accent.

What'd you say?

I said it in a British accent.

No, but when I was, when I was younger just starting in the business,

they, all the talk shows, they instilled the fear of God in you about sticking to the question.

But that's a mistake.

I would always say, I would always say, I would sometimes go on other talk shows

and they would sort of start in the early days to promote my talk show

and they would drill me on the story.

Like say it again, say it again.

And I think that's, that's not how human beings interact

and people at home can tell this is kind of phony.

If you had a time machine, is that the thing you would go and change?

We never did that.

We, we didn't do that.

There's other things I would change.

I mean to a young Sean Hayes.

I would change a lot of things.

To a young Sean, would you go and seek out a young Sean Hayes?

And say, this is a mistake.

There's so many people I would go to and say, this is a mistake.

I want to get back to the time machine.

Yes.

Where would you take it?

What would you do?

Okay.

Fascinating question.

Yeah.

It's right off the top of the list.

Wait, by the way, you're not using it right now.

Are you didn't come from the future?

I did.

What the fuck?

This podcast has a year to go.

No.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

It's hugely successful.

And then it just drops off.

Who dies, Conan?

Who dies?

No, no.

No one dies.

Conan.

That's just it.

Oh, Jesus.

Let's just say one of you gets canceled.

Oh, God.

Because you decide to take public transportation.

And you start a little crotch fire.

No, no, no.

I am coming from the future to tell you, enjoy this while it lasts.

Oh, God.

Wait too much money on very dangerous merchandise.

What would you do with the time machine?

It's my favorite question.

It's a terrible question.

It's the best.

But what about a rock concert?

You got to go back in time to see one band that no longer is together.

I would go back and see me.

I'd see holla notes just before they broke up for the last time.

Whoa.

Two years ago.

They reunited like 15 times.

I'd go back and see them one last.

No.

Just kidding.

Just to the two of you.

I love the idea that it's a group that broke up like a year ago.

And that's the group I want to see again.

I want to go see the Temptations, not the one with the original guy.

No.

The guy with the, like they're two years.

Those original guys suck.

Yeah.

I saw them two years ago in Atlantic City.

I want to go back in time and relive that because I lost my parking validation.

You want to go to the set, you want to go to the set of the music video of the Beach Boys

Kokomo.

Do you, do you have any questions for Conan?

Did you do knowing that he is a raconteur?

Did you think that you didn't need any?

One of the greats, maybe.

Yeah.

Did you think you didn't need any questions?

I did.

I did.

I do have some questions, but now that we're in a conversation, like what am I going to

ask him?

One of Sean's questions, you know?

Right, right, right.

That's color.

Well, we already covered Time Machine.

Yeah.

That's a question you guys famously, and it's a, it's a brilliant idea.

And I'm a big fan of the show.

Two of you never know who the guest is, so you're not prepared.

Correct.

One of you does know.

Yeah.

Of the people who are unprepared, who's just the worst at just, at just coming up with

something?

Come on, Will, come on.

I'm probably the worst.

I'm the worst.

Have you ever been talking to someone and you just didn't even know who they were?

Yes.

Who?

Well, I don't want to say.

That's hilarious.

Grandma doesn't really know a lot.

Well, my favorite thing is on this show, Project Runway, which my wife and kids, okay, whenever

they bring out, they say, guess what, we got a special, and they bring out these amazing

people.

Sometimes, I guess I don't know a lot about fashion, but sometimes they clearly couldn't

get someone.

Okay, that's nice.

I walk through an ice storm to get here, and so I, I'm watching it, and every now and

then they'll be like, guess who are special judges this week, and they'll say, you know,

it's Heinrich Liebman, and you can tell that they've told the contestants you have to act

like Jesus has come into the room, and they're like, ah, and then they cut through the interview

right part.

Yes.

Where they go, I can't believe what you're saying.

It's Heinrich Liebman.

It's Heinrich Liebman.

But I don't know who the person is, and I know that that would be, for example, and I'm

not name-dropping, though maybe I might be, I recently, the last person I interviewed

for my podcast was Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor.

Now, wow.

Thank you.

That's a nice booking.

Yeah.

Wait, Supreme Court Justice don't do interviews?

Exactly.

Wow.

So anyway, achieving the impossible, I think, is our goal in this industry.

So what I did is I studied, because you gotta know your shit when you're talking to Supreme

Court Justice, and I was thinking, what if I had just been on this show, and Supreme Court

Justice Sotomayor came out and sat down, and then, yeah, and well, no, you're doing that.

Bateman's rubbing himself in the corner, and he's like, would you want a cheese doodle,

or like a nacho cheese, do you want some puffy cheese, or the, by the way, do you remember

the name of the show is Smart List?

Yes.

Yes.

Listen, when you guys, true story, these guys were adrift, came to me a couple of years

ago, and they knew that I had a huge podcast, and they were like, guys, you're each individually

funny.

I said, two of you really have the goods, and I said, and I said, you'll be great

together, and they're like, we don't know, we don't know, I mean, it was embarrassing.

My daughter was there and said, why are those grown men crying?

And I said, I'll handle this, and I said, guys, just relax, you're going to be great,

the format should be, and I remember you guys were like, what are you doing?

And I said, just how about two of you don't know who the guest is, and call it dumb brain

or something, and you guys were like, maybe, out of work, and you ran away, and you got

on small little, little child's bicycles, and drove away, and you were banging into

each other as you went over the hill, going, baby, come back, baby, come back, baby, come

back.

That's a true story of how Smart List was created.

You guys have heard Conan's podcast before, right?

A lot of you, it's a great podcast, and I've done it a couple of times, you ought to get

Bateman on there.

No.

Yeah.

And we're good.

And it's you, and people who work for you, and who have to, who are obligated to laugh.

So because their jobs depend on it, right?

Is that true?

It's not just that their jobs depend on it, if they don't laugh, pain, there's physical

pain.

I'm not above hitting someone who works for me.

Do you like...

And there I got canceled.

Oh, no.

You were wondering when it would happen.

Do you see how close you are always?

Always, always.

Always on the edge.

Let me ask you, forget it, because this is the question, it's so boring, everybody's

like, how hard is it to be a comedian right now?

It's not that hard.

You're just fucking, right?

It's not hard at all.

But there is that thing, you have moments.

Yeah, no, back to Jason's question, it's like, what do you do to edit yourself?

Is there stuff you want to say, but you have to edit yourself right away?

Well, here's the thing I will say that's absolutely true.

There's a way, all of us, I know you guys are planning some, whatever, big surprise meal

for me after this is payment.

I imagine it's all been set up.

I hope you like California Pizza Kitchen.

We'll be slamming them back, but no, in all seriousness, there is a way that people who

work in comedy, we riff and we talk about and we get going on things, and some of the

fun is saying things that would, that are totally outrageous.

And it's funny because, I mean, the most moral, ethical people I've met, I've worked

in comedy and they'll go on a long riff about something completely immoral and unethical,

but it's really funny because you know them and you know that they're doing a joke about

how wrong that would be if they were to do that.

Just to make you laugh.

Just to make me laugh.

And the rooms, I mean, that's what I've always felt like.

It has to be a safe space, a room where comedy is being invented has to be a safe space where

everyone feels comfortable and to be completely, completely politically incorrect.

But the problem is then you have to make sure that when you go out in the world, you're

not saying anything.

And also like connecting with people who actually hold those views, which are abhorrent to us,

that's not the purpose of it.

The purpose is to find funny things.

And I always think about like, there are characters, Joe from Arrested Development, he's a pretty

despicable guy, but like, he's a despicable guy, but I understood how completely off the

rails he was.

And I'm not endorsing that kind of behavior.

What I'm saying is it's absurdly ridiculous how he is and thinks.

Yes.

And I think the fun in all the great classic comedy of all time is someone being completely

inappropriate in a situation.

And so I...

But it's got to come from the actor playing that character as ignorant as opposed to intolerant.

And therein lies your skill with Joe, but you always looked a little dumb as opposed to...

As opposed to...

Not much of it was intentional or talent or what, but there was...

I know what you're saying.

See that look right there.

Look at that look right there.

Yeah.

They did a thing, I didn't even know this, that they spent, I mean, hundreds of thousands

of dollars in editing, adding a light of intelligence to Will's eyes.

Like a presence, just a presence, that they had to go frame by frame and that's how video

works.

Well, the key also is to try to make the...

To make the joke on you.

So it was always about making the joke of, you know, I'm the asshole.

I'm the idiot.

And it's not mean-spirited.

And also motive is a huge contributing factor too.

What are your motives when you're saying the thing?

Is it to injure somebody?

Because then that's wrong.

If the motive is to be funny and to have a laugh and hopefully not injure somebody, but

to make light, then...

And you were always so generous with that on your show and continue to do.

Your whole brand of comedy is...

You're never trying to posture, you're never trying to be the cool kid.

There are some...

I was trying very hard.

I was trying...

You were trying.

Are you serious?

This is me being the cool...

No, I...

But that's why...

No, I realized very early in my life, like, oh, I'm not cool.

I'm not a good athlete.

Thank you, audience, for recognizing that immediately.

I'm not all these things, but then taking store of what I did have and saying I'm going

to be honest about that, which is...

Yeah.

And it was clear at the very start.

I remember when...

Sorry, we remember when you first came on, nobody...

By design, nobody knew who you were.

You were a newcomer to camera, but you were obviously with your background and your education

and then working on it.

So now when I'll stop...

All writers knew who you were.

I remember watching your very first monologue and I went, oh, I get it, because you were

so human and so winning and so us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I get it.

That's why you did it for 20 years.

I mean, it was two years on the air of constantly being this close to getting canceled.

Were you worried every day you were going to get a call?

No, seriously, we did the first...

We got through a year and then they said, we're breaking your contract down, which is

completely unheard of in our business to, I think it was three months at a time.

So we'll renew you three months at a time.

And people don't know that because people just...

A lot of people here and I meet so many people now said, well, I started watching you when

I was 15 and now I'm 75 and so they have no idea that it's so interesting how people

have a different perspective.

They look at everyone on this stage and they just think, well, you've always been at this

place and they don't understand.

No, no, we'll take...

We've all been...

Everybody here who might even be interested in doing this or want to try it and you come

here and you see the people that you like on a stage or some of them and then, no, but

you see us and you think, oh, you have...

They just got to be that and it's not the case.

I think the thing is...

Like it just happened to them, you mean?

Yeah, I think I'm very much constantly in touch and I think the people that I like in

this business, which includes everyone here, I think we're really in touch with the fact

that we know what it's like to have people look right through us.

We know what it's like to not have any of that status and I'm still connected to that.

We'll be right back.

And now, back to the show.

You had to go through all that stuff too, especially going through the three months at a time,

whatever.

You had to do it all in front of America.

So you had all that stress every day showing up and you had people saying, we're not sure

of this kind of writing stuff because they write mean shit.

How are you able to stay loose and be funny on the show knowing that your head is on them?

What helps for me is the work.

So the magic for me was if we had done...

Let's say my show had been kind of a Saturday Night Live type of show where it was once

a week.

I'm not even kidding about this.

I probably would have gone to a mental hospital and been treated and the show would have gone

away because it was so much...

Do you have time to think about it?

You don't have time because...

Right.

You've got to put a show on it.

I do a show.

I'd come out...

I'd come to work in the morning and they'd say, did you see this thing in the paper?

And it's like literally like a three page spread, you know, 75 reasons why it would be

great if Conan just died, you know?

I mean, I'm really not exaggerating that much because what we were doing just looked so

wrong to people and I looked weird and what's this with his name and the hair.

You also had Richter there holding your hand the whole time.

Wow.

What a gap.

That's another gap we can't take out.

You just mentioned a name that's never mentioned in my house.

This segment is sponsored by Previgin.

Go ahead.

No.

Oh, can I say one thing though really quickly?

Like we had to do the show that day and there were terrible things but you were...

You said something that absolutely is true.

Talk about a time machine.

If I went back into a time machine and had to try and do that show without Andy, I wouldn't

have lasted three days.

I'm serious.

I am serious about that.

He's one of the funniest guys we all know.

But also he was right there.

He was right there by me next to me and there were times when I didn't have it and he would

just say something and he was in the early days, he was just money in the bank.

And also I remember he's just like this big warm presence, big guy and like this with...

No, no.

He's this like big warm presence and so literally he was comforting.

He was comforting to me.

He's the physically strongest person in comedy.

He is so strong.

He is so crazy strong.

I mean physically, like we used to just laugh.

I think we went to Yankee Stadium once to play softball and I think Andy hit a home

run with his softball and everyone was like, shit, he was like, let's go, I'm tired of

this.

I saw him at your Christmas party with a plate full of heave and I both got a plate full

of him.

You would have loved it.

It was great.

I remember the toast I gave at the party at the end when I said, this room is filled

with everyone, everyone that means something to you.

Remember that?

Yeah.

Do I remember it?

Are you kidding me?

Tom Hanks was crying on my shoulder.

It wasn't originally the plan to have Andy on the show, was it?

Andy was hired as a writer but I knew right away I want to get him.

I think it would be good if you guys did a little research.

No, I was going to say that you ...

Let's get on the subway, the four of us.

But talking about those years, Jason, we were talking about it today or the other day.

You were talking about those moments where you were in your 20s, you had already had

your first show and then you were doing maybe a pilot every couple of years and going through

those years and everybody sort of thinks, oh no, you're doing like what you were saying.

You're fine.

You're Jason Bateman.

You're doing fine.

You're like, man, I'm just trying to be the fucking man.

That is at the risk of being overly sincere.

It's like something that's really important to me is that people hear this message because

I remember with great clarity looking at people that whatever have the position that I have

now and thinking, well, that's them but I could never get to do that and being as sure

of that as I am like the sun comes up in the east and goes down in the west, which is actually

how it works.

Wow.

I'm going to be like Sean's face, just bewildered.

But yeah, actually I was just thinking, my friend Dave McLaughlin and his wife, Beth

are here tonight.

They're good old friends of mine.

Dave, Beth, once you guys stand up, think about it.

I don't know where they are and they're two of my oldest friends and I used to sleep on

their floor in their house, in their apartment, in L.A. I'd go out for auditions or whatever

and just trying and starving and couldn't pay the rent and it was the kindness of people

like that.

I so appreciate it.

I love that.

I love talking about this stuff because people don't know.

Are you trying to cut off Dave and Beth?

Sorry.

No, because when we first started hanging out decades ago, I would go over to your apartment

and your next-door neighbor in the apartment next to you are like on the same thing.

It was Bradley Cooper.

Yeah.

And it was like.

Yeah, but he was really fat then.

Yeah.

I always told you.

Remember how fat Bradley Cooper was?

I was Bradley.

He was one of those people that they had to take a wall out of the house.

It was a cutout.

He was a cutout.

He had him to the hospital.

He was a cutout.

He was a cutout.

And Sean's from Illinois.

You don't have to explain that to him.

Yeah.

But.

But.

Canceled.

State by state.

State by state.

State by state.

We're going to, I'll admit to it when we get there.

But yeah, Bradley, remember Bradley would come over and be like, I'm never gonna, he

would like.

But I was just, I was like the first time I went to the Golden Globes.

Thanks.

The.

The first time.

Yeah.

Did you ever win?

No.

No, no.

He just, he just got, he scored a ticket.

Oh, oh.

Good for you.

Wow.

I had my autograph book and my Sharpie.

No.

He went to the line.

But to that point, the first time I went, I swear to God, this is what I thought.

The first time I went, we were in the television tier, which is, you know, way in the back.

Movie people are in the front.

And so I looked around and literally there's Tom Cruise and Meryl Streep and all these

people and I was like, how did I get, how did this happen?

How did I get here?

I know so many of my friends that could do my job and win the grace or whatever it was

that could be in this position.

And I looked around and I just go, God, we're all lucky.

Yes, yes.

Every single person here is lucky.

Yeah.

No one more than you.

We all.

Do you.

Do you.

But I, you know, Sean.

Sean.

No, I mean, you really just fell in love with it.

I mean, you were honestly, Lucky Magazine posted, you know, front cover, 50 covers in a row.

But I think everybody, but I think, sure, it takes a little bit of talent and hard work,

but so many people have that.

That's the other thing too is, yeah, I get crazy and it's not just in show business.

I hate it and finance.

I hate it.

We've all, you know, in a city like this in Boston, you'll see people that clearly have

a ton of money.

They've made it in tech.

They live out in some fancy suburb and they're hanging out at the Four Seasons.

They're just, sometimes there's this air they have of, I'm here because I deserve it.

And I want to say, I don't know what your story is, but all of us are lucky.

We're just lucky.

And so that's something that gets like.

It's weird when.

It's weird because actually, by the way, finance is the thing that's kind of taken over.

There are probably a lot of finance people and the only person we apologize to is Dandy's.

Dandy's the best.

Is the best.

But it's, yeah, it's created a whole class.

Because someone has got, you know, whatever, bet well on crypto or something and then they're

kind of acting to me like, well, you know, you know, some of us know what we're doing

and I think, fuck you, no, you know.

But wait, don't you think that to all of what we're talking about, that you can, like,

I'm not going back on my word, but it takes a little bit of luck, but you can manifest

a little bit of it.

Yes.

No, no.

And writing them down and achieving certain milestones as you go away, as you go along.

I don't think there's a better analogy in the world than the one-armed bandit in, that's

the way I always, I don't know if gambling's a problem for you, but you were coiled when

I did that.

From this angle, it wasn't a real jackpot poll you were doing.

You know, when you go to.

This guy is unreal.

I'm still on the subway.

Sorry.

You are so on one track.

But you know when you go to Las Vegas and there's machines and you pull the lever.

Sure.

Oh, yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

Or the knobs.

Well, there's the knobs, but then you're pulling that lever and you've got to really pull.

And it breaks off.

And then points.

And it breaks off.

Yeah.

It's the worst.

But then the coins come shooting out.

Sure.

And then you just feel this sense of satisfaction and relief, but then your anus hurts.

Wait a minute.

Wait.

My point is this, we're going to clean this up, or they won't.

They don't spend that kind of money.

Let me ask you this.

Wait.

I got one thing to say.

What I wanted to finish with your point was that it is, yes, luck is important.

Luck is a crucial thing.

And I want to give it up to luck.

But persistence, man.

Yes.

That's what I mean.

Yes.

I think actually persistence is, there's just a tiny persistence group here.

That's the name of their Bitcoin company.

They all came in one bus.

But my thing is just like, if you just keep going at it from different angles and keep

pulling the lever.

But there's also discipline and there's work ethic and studying hard at school and stuff.

I know that you were educated here too.

What were the school years like for you here?

Were you a good student or were you a little hellcat out around town?

Yeah.

You know, funny, you asked me the time machine question and I'm not kidding for my, I mean,

obviously the time machine question is tricky because it's a classic question.

Yeah, it's a question of someone has in their back pocket when they don't research.

Time machine, sort of my art.

Pull the card out.

I don't know.

I was just telling you my views on Roe v. Wade, time machine!

Time machine, desert island disks.

The buzzer did go off.

Time to talk, Jason.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I would, I would go back and have people not know where I went to college because I

do think early in my career, especially people had preconceived notions and so sometimes

people would act like, oh, this show you're going to do is going to be some like smart

number.

No, I like a masturbating bear.

I like the silliest things in the world and I kind of wish that people didn't know where

I went to school.

I worked really hard to go there.

I was a grind and I worked, even all those years I was writing comedy in college and

performing it, I was still a really hard worker.

So do you think now, so sort of this is on top of what we were talking about, how does

it feel, is it when you come back to Boston specifically after those years of grinding

in high school and going to college here and now you're in front of this crowd who clearly

adores you for some reason?

Why is that satisfying?

Is that bizarre?

Does that register for you?

Can you acknowledge that?

Go like, hey, that's fine.

I'm getting better at it.

All the time, people would write nice things or nice things would happen and I would just

push it aside.

You used to go down these same streets you'd come into town, I imagine, with your folks

and do stuff and maybe come to this very theater and see shows and whatever.

I don't think this was here.

It was the Wang even here.

I think the Wang was built.

No, the Wang's been here.

The Wang's been here for 300 years.

When the first settlers arrived, the Wang Theater was here.

It's the first thing they built.

And they're like, the acoustics are okay.

You could for a podcast.

But I mean, you walked around this being...

No, no.

I very much in touch with the fact that I've been extremely fortunate.

The thing I think about all the time is that my grandfather, my grandparents on my mother's

side grew up in Worcester, Massachusetts, and my grandfather directed traffic in downtown

Worcester.

That was his career and he got paid.

I love that movie.

It's amazing.

He got paid $55 a week.

And whenever anything happens in show business where someone tells me, well, if you just

did a year of talk shows and so this is how much we're going to...

I'm very humbled by shit.

This is unbelievable.

And I think about my grandfather, who I refuse to acknowledge in his lifetime.

Wow.

By the way.

Yeah.

For no reason at all.

I just was very...

Just a quick Harvard little story.

Jason was honored with the...

He's keep putting.

Yes.

Yeah.

And he accepted it because he thought they were offering him a tasty pudding at first.

But Jay, why don't you share with everybody about the wonderful article that came out

today.

Oh, yeah.

Beautiful, beautiful article today.

In the daily news, it's sort of like the zenith of journalism.

They said that I've received this, Ozark Star got the, no, gets the Hasty Pudding Award.

And then in the body of the thing, Ozark's Patrick Bateman received the American Psycho.

How tough is that to just do the smallest amount of research when you're writing this

article?

Can I tell you my...

Just get the first name right.

My favorite thing is I will get a letter.

Does this happen to me?

At least it happens at least once a year.

A letter from a pretty well-known organization that's saying, you're our favorite entertainer,

blah, blah, blah, blah, could you please come and speak at our esteemed institution?

It would mean so much.

And we followed your career with Bated Breath and it's going to be the biggest thing ever.

And I forwarded you that.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

But it was like the letter will go on and on and it will say, dear Conan, and then the

last name is terribly misspelled.

And I'll think you didn't...

You don't fucking care about me at all.

You didn't even check.

It takes a second.

It takes a second.

This is getting back to our email conversation.

It's like, motherfucker, can't you just put a comma in there or something?

Or they knew what they were doing and they wanted this reaction from you.

In fairness, when I walked out here and saw you, I was like, Patrick, you know, I was

excited to see Patrick Bateman.

Well, I tell you, I tell you, we've been excited to see you.

Yes.

Hey, that's a great transition for a guy who has to get out.

Are we doing a commercial?

Well, no.

I mean, you know...

No.

That's...

I have to say, this is...

I will repeat my mantra.

This is not work.

This is...

And it's been a long two years for all of us and a lot of us have been missing being

together and having an audience.

And so...

Seriously.

Yeah.

Dude.

When I got...

When Will said, would you want to come out and be on a smart list in Boston?

And I was...

I was just like, this is like I want a contest.

So thank you guys.

Seriously.

Dude.

No, really, this is nice.

This is really nice.

This is...

By the way, I echo that we do too.

This is such a thrill for us to do this, to do this tour, to come here to Boston, to

see you guys.

Yes.

This is somebody who we all love and you are so hilarious and you've always been the best.

You've always been so kind to all of us over the years.

We're going to work on this.

We're going to work on it.

We're going to work on this.

And let me broker...

Let me broker the Christmas party.

I'll just park cars at the party.

Okay.

That's great.

I just want to be on the grounds.

You want to be on the grounds.

Yeah.

Okay.

Just some pretty heavy hitters, some big A-listers at these parties.

And you might get a little giddy.

By the way, he's not...

He's not kidding.

Yeah.

It is...

It is filled with A-listers.

Listen.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

I got to go.

I'm meeting Tom Brady.

Don't.

Yeah.

You guys, how great is it to be here?

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thanks, pal.

Thanks, guys.

I love you, pal.

That was fun.

Thank you.

How you about it?

Get in here.

Bye, buddy.

That was great.

Wow.

That was great.

You know, he...

I had no idea how short he is.

Yeah, I know.

Those are lifts.

It's all lifts.

Those are lifts.

He should come back out here and admit to the lifts.

So, what didn't you ask him?

Go ahead.

I mean, you didn't go here once.

There's 800 questions.

No.

I didn't want to.

We were having a conversation.

Did you guys...

There's stuff about SNL.

There's stuff about Simpsons.

Yeah, I know.

Late night.

They know all of that.

I know.

I know.

I know.

Simpsons.

Yeah, I know.

Late night.

They know all of that.

You have his name misspelled?

Yeah.

You didn't even need him.

You're a great interviewer.

Oh!

They love you.

That's a sweet...

How about Will, though, huh?

Sean.

Steve?

What about Steve?

No, but that Conan is one of my favorite, favorite guests we've had on the podcast.

Absolutely.

But I wonder like...

Because I don't know this.

I wonder if he is like the...

Is he the longest hosting talk show host?

Like, did he have the most years?

I bet you Johnny Carson went longer.

Yeah.

But 28 years.

28 years.

Yeah.

With various shows.

It has to be...

Yeah, with all the shows.

It's crazy.

I don't know about you guys.

When I was a young actor in New York...

Uh-oh.

Here we go.

No, it's just going to be a few minutes.

It's more of a monologue than anything.

Oh, so is.

No, but I remember, you know, watching Conan on late night and just watching all those

sketches and watching his...had to watch his monologue, had to watch those sketches.

Yes, always.

I didn't care who the guest was.

I just wanted to see those sketches.

And as a young actor, it was so inspiring.

Yes.

And I loved about him too.

Like, I started watching when I was in college.

And I was like, oh, that guy has the same sense of humor as me.

It's like a little wacky.

And it's not like, I'm doing a stilted monologue now and I'm going to talk to a guest.

It was different.

It was so different.

And it's still different.

I loved that character you just did.

What was that?

I'm not going to do...

This is my talk show host who doesn't know what he's doing.

Incredible.

Thank you.

You're looking at me and all I'm doing is trying to think up a bye.

I'm trying to think up...

Oh, yeah.

Maybe something about him being bi-coastal with...

Well, don't do it out loud.

No, no.

I think...

Well, if you just repeat the name of the guest that we just had, there's something in there, maybe.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Bye!

Goodbye.

Thank you, Boston.

Thank you.

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Blas.

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