The Therapy Crouch: Bonus: Abbey Almost Gets The Boot

Therapy Crouch Therapy Crouch 8/25/23 - Episode Page - 17m - PDF Transcript

Hello, and welcome back to the Therapy Croucher.

As you may have guessed, this episode is a special one

because it's brought to you by ACAST Creative.

And WhatsApp for a Meta,

who's built-in layers of protection,

meaning that you never have to depend on only one defence.


It's very well protected now.


Let's get into it.

Well, obviously, we use WhatsApp a lot,

and I use it relentlessly, really.

I don't call anyone anymore.

I don't send text messages anymore.

I pretty much...

You don't read or send emails.


So, the only way...

You're a WhatsApp kind of guy.

Well, yeah, the only way I know what my mates are doing

or up to is WhatsApp.

But how would you know what they're doing

if they turn the blue ticks off?

Well, that's what we get into.

Thanks for bringing it up, Al,

because we've got a lot of privacy.

A lot of privacy chat today.

There's chat lock.

There's the view-want stuff.

You've got the two-factor authentication.

You've got the privacy checkup.

You've got the silence unknown callers,

which is a bell time, I think.

Yeah, I agree.

I'll take that one.


I wish I was the type of person

that kind of answered unknown calls.

But I just...

If you're not on my phone book,

I don't want to hear from you.

Do one.


You've got the end-to-end encryption.

I think that's good, because sometimes

you've got personal stuff on there,

like bank details or passwords

or letters from doctors and no one else's business.

So, you don't want anyone hacking in

and retrieving all that private information.

That's a really good point.

I wish I used my WhatsApp for that.

You know what I mean?

To be fair, you're on a fan of sending them

your bank card over WhatsApp, aren't you, Peter?

Listen, I don't do it,

because fraud is important to me.

And I wouldn't send any of that kind of information

over any form of...

But you've sent me a picture of your bank card before, Peter.

Over at the O.

So, today, to emphasise these different features

that WhatsApp have brought out,

we're going to play some little mini-games.

Oh, I love a game.

OK, so our first game we're going to play is Chatlock.

Do you want to talk us through it, Peter?

Yes, I'll explain this to you, Abigail.

Chatlock allows you to add an extra layer of protection

to your most personal chats from anyone

who has physical access to your device.

Blackmates, friends, family, Abbey.

In order to read or send messages,

you'll have to unlock your chats using device authentication.


Such as your phone passcode, Face ID or fingerprints.

You know what, Pete?

This could come in really handy at Christmas.

You know when I'm sending you things from different shops

to get for the kids?

You don't want to...

We don't want to expose that Santa's not real.


But you know what I mean?

You don't want the kids looking through your phone

and seeing what presents we've got them for Christmas.

Or, you know, I don't want to see the huge diamond

that you've bought me for Christmas.

Yeah, but that...


That's true. Not.

Not. Still waiting.

Don't mind me.

But also, if I locked kind of like my golf chat, right,

then you wouldn't have sent that bikini photo to 100 golfers.

But I didn't mean to do that.

Yeah, well, you still did it.

I couldn't see.

We were on the beach.

It was in the sun.

I was sending it to my friend,

whose first two letters of her name

are the same two letters of your group name.

And, well, they got a nice treat.

Golf and Kaz.

I'm sure mine's called like...

I know it's called like the name of the golf club,

which is not...

It's got no Kaz involved.

You've gone, oh, it's 100 red.

I look great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.




Shut up!

I actually didn't.

Well, anyway, it happened.

But if it was locked, it wouldn't happen.

But if it was locked,

would you become even more intrigued?

Yeah, could I add my face to unlock it?


No, because, well, the golf one, I don't know.

You can look if you really have to.

But I think, like, if I'm trying to get you a Christmas present

or all that, you say you love surprises,

but you snoop all the time.

And I would love to be able to just leave my phone around

and not worry about you trying it out.

You do leave your phone around.

I do look through it, and I do ruin my own prizes.

Yeah, but why do you have to look through it all the time?

I'm just keeping tabs on you.

You know, you're a male.

Well, with this WhatsApp chat lock,

you're out now.


OK, so I'm sending a message to an important group on Pete's phone.

Oh, God.

Yours is important as well, are you sure?

I'm not stitching you up, though.

I'm not stitching you.

Yours is pretty bad.

I have worn that, aren't I?

Yeah, you are.

If you're going to send it, I'm going to send it.

Are we ready?

Are you sure, babe?

Well, why are you being nasty?

I'm not being nasty with mine.

I have.

This is bad.

Like, you're not going to like it.

Why are you trying to hurt me?

I'm not hurting you.

Well, I said it was supposed to be like,

we weren't going to send it, were we?

Come on.

Babe, are you sure?

I've warned you too many times.

Is it going to be bad for me?

It's not ideal.

OK, sent.

Mine sent.

Oh, yeah, she's sending it.

Mine sent.

Come on, Pete.

Big reveal.

OK, big reveal.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I don't know how bad to go.

Are you stitching me up?

Yeah, it's terrible.


I don't know.

How did this game turn so nasty?

I'm literally dying to hear these texts.

I'm dying.

Mine's tame.

Is it?

OK, I'll make one time.

All right.

OK, so what's yours?

I've just text Goodman saying golf canceled.

I have booked with someone else.

Oh, no, no.

I've just text your new TV show.

I don't want to do this show anymore.

It's Plop.

I hate it.

Fuck it, Pete.

Is that a joke?

Well, that was the game.

I said don't send it.

That is not funny.

So I'm getting you fired and I'm texting one of your best friends.

It's Plop.

I can safely say I win.

That's terrible.


Abid, do you wish you'd locked another chat now?

I wish I'd locked the chat.

Yeah, chat lock.

Big up.

Well, you're definitely not paying fucking golf anyway.

Oh, my God.

Babe, delete them now.

Delete yours first.

No, I want to see Goodman's reply.

Okay, that was a good look.

How do you feel after that?

I'm a bit scared about getting fired, to be honest.

I'll tell you what, I hope they haven't turned their blue ticks off.

She's calling you.

Hey, Sally.

We're filming for WhatsApp where we have to text an incriminating message.

So Pete had to take my phone and do a secret message.

And I've just texted one of Pete's friends saying,

sorry, golf cancelled.

I'm booked with someone else.

And then Pete decided to message you that.

So don't panic.

We're literally filming, but I just answered the phone

because I thought you'd be worried.

Pete, do you want anything you'd like to say for yourself?

Yeah, that was all me.

I apologize.

I'm so sorry.


So the next mini-game is privacy checkup.

So we're going to choose three people in our phone book

to block from our WhatsApp picture.

We're going to block to show when we were last online.

And we'll also block the red receipt, the blue ticks.

Okay, so who would you choose?

Well, I've just been told that I don't have a WhatsApp picture.

I didn't even really know that.

So I don't think that comes into...

It's not a problem for me because I haven't got one.

I think it's just an egg or something, innit?

You are an egg. Egghead.


And the blue ticks and the checkup,

whenever you're last online.

So this is kind of like a shag marry, avoid kind of vibe?

Yeah, but I would only really have you not looking at that.

Can I just say, what's wrong with you today?

What have I done?

What have I actually done to you?

Need to be such an arsehole?

You're the only one that would check on that, I think.

So the only one that I'd probably stop.

The blue tick one, that's handy at times.

I think I'd take the blue tick off for like, you know,

something that you don't want to do.

Someone that you don't want to get back to.

You want to get out of work or get out of doing something.

Well, paint dry, you know, my friend.

You know, P Diddy.

Yeah, like, I mean, you know, because then I could just drag it out from,

you know, if he's like, ah, can we meet for a beer?

And you're like, ah, not paint dry.

P Diddy.

I'll just ignore it until that date's passed.

And then, ah, so I've just seen this mate,

you've seen blue ticks on there.

That's quite a good one.

Yeah, I agree.

Last online, I'd probably block you because you think I'm constantly on my phone.

So I don't want you to see if I've been on my phone.

I like looking at your duration of time on the phone.

It's just amazing.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, because it's the same thing.

It's like the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning.

So, so, yeah, I would look at that and go, what are you doing?

Midnight and 6am.

And to block off my profile picture, it'd just be someone I don't like, really.

Do you don't deserve to look at you?

Do you don't deserve it?

Yeah, yeah.

I reckon you are probably the most clicked on.

What's that picture?

Oh, shush.

I think you are.

I'd say so.

That's me boss texting me.

Everything OK?


I can't believe how many times I've warned you.

I know, but I didn't think you'd get stoop so low.

It's a harsh game, I think.

It had to be harsh.

My registry said, you know, just, you know,

sometimes I don't want to get out of my boss.

No, no, no.

No, I have to put effort into my show.

It's my show.

Like, I want it to be as successful as they do.

You know, we're a team, all female team, boss.

You go girls.

So this next round is the two factor authentication.

Right, this is the two factor authentication.

It keeps hackers and scammers out of your profile

by setting up an additional layer of protection

to access your account via a six digit pin and email address.

Not getting in there, are you?

It's a good one, just said, as if you're not about,

I'm staring at a double custard here.

Let me send a picture to my group on your one

because I'm scared that they don't believe me.

It's funny, don't you think?

I said plop.

I'm not doing this show in New York because it's plop.

You should have just left out its plop.

Yeah, but I didn't want to be that hot.

Are they really nice people?

I thought plop was funny because then they don't.

It's me.

In this round, in homage to the two factor...


I say homage.

When have you ever said homage?

I always say homage.

You say in homage.

I do.

Oh, that's my homage.

You do say homage.

You don't say fromage, do you?

You say fromage.

I'd never say fromage anyway.


It's not a word fromage.

Hommage is, but homage.

It's homage.

Where are you?

In homage to the two factor authentication feature,

which can be a privacy lifesaver.

We're going to be put under pressure to answer

what should be the most basic, simple questions about each other.


So it's like, you know, a series of questions

that someone who really knows you would know the answer to

and know you would tell the truth or tell the lie to get in.

All right, well, I'm going to throw some football ones at you.


Because I don't know if you'd know.


Well, you bang on about football all the time, so...

Well, I've scored 100 Premier League goals.

I've won the Premier League and I've won the Community Shield.

Say that again.

I've scored 100 Premier Leagues.

Yes, you've scored more than 100.

I've won the Premier League and I've won the Community Shield.

You haven't won the Premier League.

You haven't won the...

But I think you may have won the Champions Shield.

The Community Shield.

Is that in Cardiff?

There are three statements.

You definitely haven't won the Prem.

And Community Shield sounds a bit low rent.

So maybe...

So it could be right.

No, so I don't think you've played in that either.

I think that's a lower league kind of thing.

So only one of them is a lie up.

Only one's a lie.

Only one's a lie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Premier League.

Well done.

You low rent.


I thought you'd get that wrong.

You said to me a few times,

Pete's won the Premier League,

but maybe you just...

I thought you won the Champions League.

No, unfortunately not either.

But we lost the final.

You were there.

Oh, yeah.

I was at the buffet.

I missed it.


I missed it.

The buffet.

The buffet.

Eating from Arge.

Go on then.


I think I know.

I think I'd know whatever lie you're going to say.

My favourite animal is...

Don't start with favourite animal.

My favourite animal is a dolphin.

I'm an amazing baker.

That's two lies.

You've literally opened up with two lies.


No, it's fine.

You've got a dolphin baking.

And I won strictly.

Well, you definitely won strictly.

I'd like...

I think you think you're an amazing baker.

But dolphins are not your favourite animal.


They're up there.

They're up there.

Yeah, I still love the animal.

What is the favourite animal, Pete?

It's tough.

I know what you're talking about.

I think...

I think I'd say a horse.



What were you thinking?

Puppies, like dogs.



You like a lot of animals.

That's hard, isn't it?


Baby lambs.

Baby lambs.


Oh, a horse.




That was right.

I'm penguin on a horse.

A penguin on a horse?


Do you like penguins?

I do, but they're not up there.


The sound.


Sound penguins.

Have you been to London Zoo?


Still got them there?


Went to the wedding, didn't we?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

With two penguins.

Walked her down the aisle.


The sound.

Granted, they'd be able to put fish alongside behind her.

But they were walking.

All right.

Well, listen.

I want to take a lot out of that today.

Yeah, I think privacy is so important.

Extra level of security.

You know, if you want to dodge a few people,

don't want to respond to them, but don't want them to know,



Well, it's actually perfect, really, isn't it?

There's lots of things that I didn't know that you could do.

So, it's open.




So, it's open my eyes.

So, a huge thanks to WhatsApp for making this episode happen

and teaching us about their handy privacy tools.

If you don't want to end up like ours today,

you know, I'd be in sacked.


If you don't want to end up unemployed, I think.

And me losing a tee time.

It's not ideal.

Then get on to WhatsApp now and set these features up.

WhatsApp, message privately with multiple layers of protection.

Yep, could have done with that protection, didn't we?

A long time ago.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.

In this extra special episode of the pod, courtesy of Acast Creative and WhatsApp from Meta, Abbey and Pete switch phones and dive deep into their chats. Golf gets cancelled, Pete wins the "Champion's Shield" and Abbey almost get’s the boot. So get comfy, enjoy the episode, and remember to lock your chats!!!

Hosted on Acast. See for more information.