Les Grosses Têtes: BEST OF - Les 10 meilleures blagues du dimanche 8 octobre 2023

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I told you, Laurent, about my hair.

Go ahead.

When I do my hair, I didn't have the guts to make implants.

So I looked on the Internet.

What should I do to make my hair rest?

And I see the only way to do it is to put sperm on the skin, on the skull.

So I went to the bathroom to do what I had to do.

And when I managed to get what I wanted,

I went to the bathroom.

And my wife came to me at the worst moment in the bathroom.

And she said, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

I said, honey, it's something I've seen.

It seems that it makes your hair grow again.

Honey, it's been 30 years since we've been together.

I have moustache.

By the way, I have to say, dear Philippe,

that I believe that this year,

and it will be a pleasure for the French audience

who are listening a lot to RTL at the moment,

because we've been doing that for about 25 years,

and this year, you haven't yet sacrificed

the famous tradition of the joke on Titanic.

And I believe that Marc Lambrou, in addition,

doesn't know him either.

Oh, no.

Oh, but I think that Stéphane Plazale doesn't know him either.

So I believe that at this moment, under the hurrah of the audience,

once a year,

once a year, Valérie, you know her, of course.

Caroline Osip, it's been about 25 years, once a year.

And I even get to tell you,

I'm complaining about this joke to Philippe Galuc,

and it's maybe one of the jokes that makes me laugh the most in the world.

So let's go, Philippe.

I think I even invented it in one of your shows.

In France.

In France.

And we did it in Europe.

It's a joke everywhere we went after.

But still.

Always at your request.

Never.

I don't want to bother you.

But so let's remember that when the Titanic

hit the iceberg, it started to shake.

And that the people on the bridge,

the men, sang closer to you, my God,

until the end, with the orchestra that played the music

until the last moment, as long as they could.

And so I got the soundtrack of this tragic moment.

And so we hear the people who sing

closer to you, my God,

closer to you.

And it sings, and it's very moving.

And then the boat sinks into the water.

And then it becomes closer to you, my God.

I'm going to tell you the story of the guy who was killed by a snake.

What's the story?

He's called Tobi because he saw the symptoms of his friend.

I don't know.

And we tell him what?

He's called a friend of Tobi.

He's in the desert.

And he says, you have to call him.

Come on, come on, come on.

He's dead.

On the end of his life, his friend.

And the other one, he's there.

My God, he thinks he's going to die.

He sees his friend with the Tobi.

And he tells him, you pump, you pump, you suck.

You take the venom out.

And the other one, he says, he said what?

He said what?

He said you were going to die.

She's great, she's great.

Did you know the two little spermatozoids

who run the race?

No.

Well, they are launched.

There is one who is more brave than the other.

There is another who is behind, who is a little bit of a pain.

So he asks the first one, we are still far away.

He says, yes, we just came to pass the amidals.

I think that big guy can enter the academy.

Since we are in the story of Koku,

you don't want me to tell you a story of Koku.

Go ahead.

I have a friend Koku there.

Is it true story?

Oh, you can talk about it.

I have a friend Koku.

Is he present among us?

Yes, but I wouldn't say which one.

He just paid abroad.

Ah.

Yes.

And I went to Koku and he told me,

you know, I'm fucked up because my wife finds me.

With a boulanger.

And how do you know?

Because there is flour under the bed.

And then there is another lover.

It's a garagist.

And how do you know?

Because there is Greece under the bed.

And you know what?

She is also with a horse.

And how do you know?

Because there is a jockey under the bed.

She is cute.

What?

Yes.

And she is clean.

I didn't hear the end, but it must be in the end.

You know, DSK, who is alone in a car in the train,

there is a woman, she is distinguished,

and she is in front of it.

And DSK eats shrimps.

After 10 minutes, the line is no longer there.

And he says, sir, it's still a train, a public place.

And you know, it releases a silent smell.

It's not very pleasant for people who want to eat shrimps.

What is it?

DSK answers him and says, listen, ma'am, eat what you want.

And I eat what I want.

And the limit, I fuck you up.

She says, sorry, but how do you take it on this tone?

To believe that I don't know who you are.

You have led the EFMI,

you almost became president of the republic.

You almost spent your life in vain.

I didn't impress you at all.

Look, lower the speed and balance the shrimps.

And there, they laugh and everything.

They are limited to becoming Romans.

They have so much traffic that against their career,

they say, what's going on?

What's going on, ma'am?

What's going on is that Mr. DSK, who is there,

wanted to rape me.

He made me touches.

By the way, feel his fingers.

You'll see.

DSK answers, it's false.

She was consentant.

Feel my mouth.

Just for your wife, the guy,

he calls the police, he says,

for my wife, who had disappeared,

you can stop the search.

And the cop says, she will come back.

He says, no, I thought about it.

You have a story.

Yes, it's a worker, he goes to a brothel

and he says, excuse me, I have 20 euros there.

Lieutenant Sir, he says, gentlemen,

we don't have any girls for this price.

The guy says, listen, I work.

I don't earn a lot of money.

I have a sexuality role.

And the girl is waiting.

Well, go to room 20.

He goes into the room, he sees a canard.

He's a little disappointed.

I'm not hiding that he's disappointed.

And he says, well, at the same time, it's 20 euros.

It's not expensive.

He grabs the canard, he defends it.

But he disgusts it.

We have feathers in all the rooms.

He comes back a week later.

Ah, he had already come.

Yes, but I have 10 euros.

No, gentlemen, we don't have anything for 10 euros.

Listen, I work, I make a lot of money.

I have a sexuality role.

Room 21.

Come on, go up.

And there, he comes into the room.

He opens the door.

He sees 200 guys in front of a 100-year-old glass.

And he's very small.

He says, he doesn't see, he's on the floor.

He says, what's going on?

What's going on?

There's a guy who says, try it.

There's a guy who's going to kill a canard.

You know how we do to win in the third place?

No.

Well, we line up the lemons.

We have a first lemon, a second lemon,

a third, a fourth.

And then, at the end, we arrive, we have the lemon.

There you go.

Oh no.

The old man.

Wait, I'm not satisfied.

She's a woman who's in her bed.

She's with her husband in her bed.

And she's really, she's hungry.

And she tells him, my love,

I've been great all my life.

I have one more thing to ask you.

And he tells him, what do you want?

Everything you want.

She tells him, make me love.

He says, but finally, you have the tubes,

you have the things, you have the perfumes and everything.

Yes, it reminds me of mine.

Yes, that's why.

She listens, she must be happy.

Eliane.

Eliane?

Well, it's me.

He tells her, it's not possible.

She says, yes, yes, make me love one last time.

It's so good.

Well, finally, he closes the key door.

Now, he begins to make love with her.

And then, she begins to have redness.

She finds health when they make love.

She rashes her father, does all that.

And it becomes extraordinary.

And they make love.

And it's wonderful and all that.

At the end, she gets up, she gets up,

we're okay, I feel much better.

He goes out and she goes out.

And he stays on the bed all alone, like that.

Completely wasted.

She says, what's wrong with you?

Why do you stay like that?

He says, when I think that I could have saved my mother.

He is very pretty.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.