The Therapy Crouch: Beige Flags

Hell yeah! You're a hell yeah!

Is it revolting?

It's not like a pig in the trough.

It's like being in bed with a motorbike.

Hi and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Glancy.

And me, Pete Crouch.

Better?

It's a nice jumper.

Thanks.

Do you like it or are you taking a piss at me?

No, does it know?

Reasonably.

When did you get it?

A while ago.

Where from?

I haven't worn it.

It's from the usual place I get my clothes.

Gucci.

It's actually not a Gucci number.

It's not Tom Sweeney.

It is.

It's not Kashmir.

Oh it is.

It's wool.

Yeah wool.

Transeter.

How are we?

Good.

Good, thanks, yeah.

Really good.

Good to be back on our sofa.

Yeah it is, yeah.

It's good Geoffrey's joined us today.

Geoffrey's, the kids are out.

The kids have gone on a play date with one of our friends

from the school, Jane.

And the kids just love her.

She's literally like Mary Poppins.

But I think it's the bag of treats that she has.

Do you think?

Yeah.

She always has snacks.

Surprised Geoffrey didn't go then.

Yeah I know.

She always has snacks.

Goodies for the kids and you know,

hair girls are like grown up.

Like they're young because it's like 11.

So they love having the kids over.

Yeah help with the little ones.

Yeah because they just love playing with the babies.

So it feels nice and calm in here today.

You know what?

It just does feel calm.

This is my problem with you bringing another dog into our lives.

There's no point in worrying about that piece.

Decisions made, huh?

The kids are out.

Good decisions.

It needs to become a point where,

you know, I have to stand up and go,

I know.

But that's not in your nature.

Well that's got me in this fucking mess, isn't it?

So what are you referring to there?

The amount of things in our world.

But was it not you who said on an earlier pod

that all the kids were because of you?

Yeah but you know, it was your choice.

It wasn't.

I didn't say come on, let's have a baby.

Ever.

Apart from the first one.

We need to be able to say come on.

And I was there.

Well, more fool you.

Someone told you put your hand in the fire, would you do it?

No.

Strap out before you whack it up is one of the greatest sayings.

And the greatest advice.

Heed that advice, guys.

Would you be saying that to our sons?

Yes.

In those words?

Probably.

Vile.

Well, I want to crack straight on into this process.

All right.

The weekly wines.

Do you know why?

Because do you remember we did that girl messaged in

about a Tinder profile.

Oh yeah.

And she wanted to be a little bit kind of more care free.

And we came up with a few for her.

What has been so many.

We've been inundated with listeners coming up with other ones.

Audience one liners for the girls Tinder profile is dirty,

flirty and we'll fuck anything over 30.

Peter Crouch.

I didn't say it.

It was written down.

30 and flirty and we'll anything over 30.

I don't think that I don't know if that's going to attract the

right kind of guy.

Or girl.

Yeah.

Does anything.

It's quite vague.

Yeah.

I think it's a joke, for honest.

I don't think you should actually attach any of these to your

profile.

And the next one is I may not be the best cook,

but I will always have something to eat for you.

What like full fridge.

I don't go to church a lot, but I do spend time on my knees.

Are there any dentists out there?

Because I'm due a feeling.

That's the best one in there.

Oh my God.

I must be a beaver because I'm dying for some wood.

Who are these people?

I like it.

All right then.

Audience wines here.

Okay.

Straight in.

Hi guys.

I have a wine relating to my husband's bedroom antics.

Not those type of antics.

Please get your mind out of the gutter.

Have a girl.

I'm more bothered about his incessant snoring,

farting,

night terrors murmuring to himself and turning over all night.

Oh my God.

Talking about nightmares.

It's our friend, Jordan.

Talks in his sleep.

Shouts and screams and says terrible things in his sleep.

What was the latest one?

So as girlfriend has started to record and they've got this app

where they can record night tremors.

Because it's a big thing, isn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Proper.

Yeah.

So the latest one which got shared on our friendship group

is,

No.

That's a big set of balls.

So bearing in mind, Jordan is a heterosexual male.

Wow.

Or at least we think he is.

Yeah.

Oh God.

Dreaming about football?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Dreaming about football?

Yeah.

Football?

Yeah.

Must have been.

That's a mess of set of balls.

Wow.

I know.

That's scary though, that night tremor thing.

It's really, really scary.

Didn't your dad do it once?

Yeah.

Yeah.

That wasn't good though.

What did he say?

He thought someone was like.

No, when he said,

Oh, one big tit in my mouth.

Very nice.

Yeah.

Fair in mind.

Pete's mum is completely flat chested.

So, it's like, you remember that?

I remember, yeah.

I did remember him saying something about bosoms.

Boussoms?

Did you say bosoms?

No, no.

He said it.

It's a tit, I think.

That may not be good is it?

Can't help.

You can't help what you are dreaming about.

He is incriminating.

Can't help what you're dreaming about.

What about people, what do you dream about, I think?

I don't even remember my dreams.

The thing is, people are recording them now, you know?

On an app.

You don't want to be going to bed, like...

Worrying? Yeah, worried about your dreams.

Anyway, I guess I'll get back to Linda.

She's worried about this incessant, snoring, farting night mode,

murmuring to himself, turning over all night.

Unfortunately, after 12 years together and two kids,

I'm probably far too far down the rabbit hole

to do anything meaningful about it,

but I just need to get it off my chest.

So, thank you.

It is hard if you've got some...

If you're sleeping with someone who is snoring

and tossing and turning.

You said that to me last night, the other night.

I've been going through a tough time at the moment.

The stiff neck?

It's driving me insane.

So now, he's lying on his back.

So, we'll go to bed and put something on,

and within two seconds, he's like...

Because I have to sleep on my back

because I can't find a comfy position

at the moment with this neck.

So, I have to sleep on my back

and then obviously that...

I just nudged you.

Really hard.

Yeah, well, I've noticed that.

He just wake me up.

That's not nice.

You know, when you always say to me,

why do you want me to fall asleep before you?

This is why.

I don't want to be a snorer.

Because I can't sleep listening to you.

It's like being in bed with a motorbike.

What can she do now about this?

Not a lot.

She said not a lot.

There's not a lot you can do.

There's absolutely...

You can get...

Like my dad's friend's got this device.

I feel like that sleep apnea where it's...

where you're snoring and you're waking yourself up

and you can't sleep.

You're spluttering and snoring.

You could get one of them.

Or you could see a sleep therapist.

Or you could maybe do a bit of like Reiki

or, you know, a bit of like meditation

or something to get them in a calm state

before it goes to bed.

Or separate rooms.

But that's not good.

That's not good either, is it?

It's the beginning of the end, though.

But there are people that can help with that.

You know, tone that down.

Earplugs.

Why when your other half can see you flipping

the living room upside down to look for a remote

to put something on for you both to enjoy,

can they never be bothered to get off their ass and help?

Especially when nine times out of ten,

you know they're sitting on it.

That's true.

I hate looking for the remote, do you?

Yeah, that's nothing worse, is there?

And then this day and age, you probably shouldn't

have a remote, should you?

I don't know.

There should be a better way of...

You could have it on your phone.

You can get the remote on your phone.

You can?

Yeah, you can get a remote on your phone.

Bloody Apple.

Think of everything, don't you?

Legends.

Apart from printers.

They don't have printers?

We discussed this before the podcast today.

I'm constantly on this phone now,

looking at the pram because our printer's broke.

But it's good for the environment

to not be printing paper.

Yeah, that's why we do it, obviously.

It's very important.

God, so we watched this traumatic thing last night

in bed, that dolphin program?

Have you seen it?

No.

The last dolphin king, I think it was called.

The last dolphin king?

Yeah, it was a place we've actually been to,

Marine Land in New Yorker.

So he came, he was working there,

and apparently there was a video surface to him.

He was the best dolphin trainer in the world.

He actually won a trophy to say that.

And then he was obviously bad treatment of the dolphins.

A video came out, but then they said

the video had been doctored by activists

who were basically showing this dolphin trainer.

So he moved to America, and he thought

as soon as he moved to America, they released the footage

because he was working for the biggest marine centre

in the world in Atlanta,

and they released the footage then,

but it had been doctored, they said.

But it hadn't...

That's debatable, but there was other, like,

you know, how they get those dolphins in the first place.

Some parts of it were quite sad, yeah.

It was traumatic.

And he was beating them up as well.

Well, it came to light that there was

lots of separate incidents that he'd had.

He was...

I didn't want to say it.

Like slapping them across the face and stuff.

Oh, it wasn't...

It wasn't...

It was horrific.

You know, lots of tragedy involved.

I put it on, I thought,

oh, dolphins, yeah, which one should I see?

And then I went, oh, no.

And then it got progressively...

Then you were in, and we were like, oh.

It was a bit, it was one of those, wasn't it?

I was like, actually, my life probably

would have been kind of better with my head in the sound of it.

It's like Blackfish, that one.

Oh, that's a tough watch.

I don't really like watching anything.

We don't want to watch Animal Cruelty before bed, do we?

I don't want to watch any cruelty.

They'll give you some night tremors, will they?

I actually...

I actually don't watch any of those kind of crime.

True crime pods and all that, making a murderer, you don't like that?

No.

Mind you, that one we watched the other night

was it Lucy, something, when missing?

Mm.

When she goes to Japan.

That's a bit dark as well, isn't it?

Yeah, well.

It was interesting, though.

I quite like a bit of true crime, to be honest.

I don't.

That's a good one.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

That's good.

That's been unsolved, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, there you go.

Maybe losing the remote is a good thing at times.

Yeah.

Because then you'll talk to each other, read a book.

You know, I had a...

But the thing is with books, I love reading.

And my friend Jane bought me a book before we went away.

What was it called now?

Talking at Night, or something like that.

What?

Jordan Riot.

Yeah.

Funny talk about...

And it was kind of...

You know that documentary was called Normal People?

Yeah, yeah.

It was kind of like that.

And I think BBC have bought the rights,

and they're going to make it into a film or series or whatever.

But it was amazing.

But, you know, when I read a book,

it's like being on holiday with Geoffrey, my dog.

He's just waiting there, looking at me like that.

You're going to vote me now.

Yeah.

You're going to feed me now.

Like, tap at me, talk to me.

Play with me.

Play with me.

Talk to me.

Give me some attention.

And it drives me mad.

He never let me read a book in peace.

I had to read this book in two days.

Because...

You can imagine how much silence I have to deal with

if she's reading a book in two days.

And you don't read a book in two days and, like,

you know, have a conversation on holiday.

You go for two days.

That's what you did.

But I got into bed and was like...

Pete was like, talking to me, and I was like,

What, Pete?

They're just about to have sex?

She actually did say that to me.

They're just about to have sex.

And they...

It seemed like you would probably...

You had a tiny bit left.

And they hadn't had sex yet.

In the whole book.

So you were waiting for that whole...

No, they had...

They did have sex.

But it took them, like, 20 years.

Jesus.

Ah, fuck it now.

It's like you and me, that.

You're going to give me a reputation if you carry on.

Bridge.

Bridge.

And...

Yeah, it's annoying when someone's got a book and you haven't.

You need to get books together.

But who's going to look after the kids?

Well, that's what I mean.

That's a valid point.

You're reading a book and I'm running around looking after kids.

No, but I think you enjoyed me reading it because you could see that I was, like,

relaxing and kind of...

Yeah, because you don't often kind of relax.

No.

You're always on the go, aren't you?

Yeah.

So it's nice to see you sitting down, reading a book.

I actually think we should read.

We should do more reading at night.

Yeah, I would like to do that.

I'm going to buy you a book in the airport.

Okay.

Great.

And then...

I've heard Peter Crouch how to be an ex-footballer.

It's really good.

What's that if you're Crouch?

Have we never laughed at?

Yeah.

Hi, Abby and Peter.

My weekly wine relates to my girlfriend's texting etiquette.

Hear me out.

I want to know if either of you have the problem where your other half,

or even one of your friends, pretend to send about one million,

one-line text messages rather than put the whole thing in one message,

especially during the working day when you need your phone on loud

and all you can hear is,

ping, ping, fucking ping, does my nut in.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I do all my messages in one message.

Yeah.

People go,

guess what?

You won't believe this.

I'm quite bad for that, super.

Do you do that?

I don't.

I sometimes, if someone says something that I want to react to really quickly,

I want to get in before someone else gets in.

I'll do a quick one-line bang.

Like what?

They'll say something stupid and I want to destroy them.

I want to destroy them in a longer way.

Can you give me an example of this?

Well, one of the lads in the group will say something like,

that I don't agree with,

and I think I'm going to have it for this.

I need to get in,

but I don't know how gutted when someone's got it in before.

There's obviously a really good kind of gag there.

So they see Peter taping.

Yeah, so you can't, you know,

it takes too long to get the whole thing out,

so you've got to do it in quick.

But normally I put it all in one message.

I'm just looking at my last messages.

Your voice notes are annoying.

Too many of them.

I like them.

Especially when I'm on a group and stuff,

you're like,

especially like this podcast,

or we're organizing things,

and I haven't got the time to listen to these voice notes.

Wait, is that because it's not written down,

you need to visually see it?

I think so,

because I think you lose at something in those voice notes.

I think if me and you on our own could do them,

you're like,

oh, would you mind doing this?

I'm just looking at my last message from you.

A voice note or a message?

Just a message.

The text you sent me was a ticket to the Barbie movie.

What was it?

I've been with you every day, haven't I?

So,

we've had a lot of people write in about, you know,

we've been together for 17 years.

We've got a strong relationship,

but was there ever any red flags,

green flags,

or this new trend on TikTok,

the beige flag,

which is not quite anic.

Is it something?

Is it not?

Right, so I get red flags,

that's all I've ever heard,

but green flags I suppose are like,

right, this is great,

easy into this.

Get green flags like,

keeper,

what a winner.

Well, listen,

do you know what,

I've got a couple of examples here.

My partner will only ever order

what the waiter recommends to him in a restaurant,

no matter where we are,

and he's convinced they know best.

No, because they're only trying to flog the most expensive thing.

I never go with the restaurant's recommendations.

It's a beige flag for her.

Another one,

my boyfriend won't put his phone on silent

through the night.

I agree with that.

As he's scared,

it means his morning alarm won't go off,

even though I've shown him multiple times,

this is not the case.

I used to do that.

I think that's cute there.

I used to do that.

But do you know someone told me

that your phone alarm still works

if your battery is dead?

No way.

Well, that's a big shout.

You wouldn't try that out, would you?

No, but apparently it's true.

Well, that is amazing.

If it's true.

I'm sure someone could confirm

if that's true or not.

I think it is.

Another one here.

My boyfriend uses sayings in the wrong context.

The other day I asked him

why he wouldn't give his opinion on something.

He said,

I don't want to throw a needle in the haystack.

Or it really tops the cherry

instead of the cherry on top.

Wow.

Okay, so that's the definition of a beige flag.

The tops of the cherry is actually really good.

Well, no, not really.

The cherry is the top.

If it tops the cherry, it's fucking amazing.

It's the stalk.

Fair.

That's a fair shout.

I think they're all cute.

Is it unfair to call someone out

on a beige flag then?

Like, for instance, those.

I mean, they're not groundbreaking, are they?

You know, like,

it's not enough to break a relationship.

I've got a beige flag.

For me?

Yeah.

What do I do?

To pull your trousers up.

I know what you're going to say.

Oh, I love it.

You put both hands in your pocket

and pull them really high,

like up to under your ribs

and then drop them down.

Yeah.

Take your hands out your pockets.

Yeah, it's not right.

I don't, bizarrely, I don't do them with trousers.

I only do it with shorts.

Yeah, I know.

Because I was thinking,

is that because I've just seen you in trunks

a lot lately?

Yeah.

And you can't take your eyes off me.

Dribbling.

Look at that, yeah.

Dribbling.

You've already noticed it.

You don't notice it in trousers,

but when my body's out,

you're always looking.

I actually am.

I...

Even cows look like God Pete's body.

It looks amazing.

Six pack.

I've listened.

Nice gold skin.

Yeah, but so that's a beige flag.

There's some things that people do

that are a bit weird.

Yeah.

Do you know what?

I think restaurants is a good thing

because I think you can get,

kind of, there's loads of beige flags

in restaurants.

Like, when you try and order for me,

that's...

Could you just take too long?

You bet.

That is a beige flag

or just a red flag.

Kind of.

It's a red flag.

Yeah, restaurants is a good one

because there's loads of like,

I eat an etiquette as well,

to do what I mean.

Loads of, kind of, etiquette.

I'm not that lady-like eating.

Yeah.

Do you think I am?

I'd say no.

You're more like,

getting the food in as quickly

as possible, kind of vibe.

I wouldn't say it's lady-like.

So do you think anything I do is girly?

Do you think I'm a girly?

Yeah, there's loads of stuff.

Do I have girly mannerisms?

Oh, loads.

Yeah, no, you're girly.

You're very girly, yeah.

But I wouldn't say eating is where

you portray that the most.

What does it mean?

Is it an ick?

No, no.

Not at all.

I don't even think about it,

but it's definitely not lady-like.

Is it me?

I don't know what it is,

but it's definitely not lady-like.

Well, have you seen me?

More cave-like.

I've seen you eat.

To be honest, I had notes to put.

I'll keep my eyes peeled.

Well, I'm not like...

Is it revolved?

It's not like a pig at the trough.

It is.

But it's along those lines.

Like a beautiful pig.

Pretty intelligent girl.

Yeah, there you go.

I eat quick.

That's what I mean.

You eat quick, it's efficient.

It's not...

Ooh.

When I say lady-like, I mean, is that how...

Dainty.

Is it dainty and little bits

very precious about it all?

I don't know if that is what lady-like is,

but that is not you.

Which is fine.

That's not very nice.

Well, would you...

I don't think it's a...

Well, I'll change then.

Well, I don't want you to change.

When I'm, like, eating a Big Mac like that,

I just sort of, like, drip it down my chin

and fall on my leg

and I'm, like, licking it off my leg.

Do you eat the cheese out of a Big Mac wrapper?

I actually like that in you.

Do you eat the cheese out of a Big Mac wrapper?

Yeah, definitely.

You don't?

No.

I do.

Pete doesn't even get cheese on a Chicken Mac sandwich.

Can you get cheese on a chicken sandwich?

But also...

You have to request it.

Do you say chicken...

It's a muck chicken sandwich.

It's not a chicken muck sandwich.

No, it's not.

That's a beige flag.

Chicken muck sandwich?

You're saying a chicken muck sandwich.

It's a muck chicken sandwich.

It's a muck chicken sandwich, yeah.

Ask our John what he says.

Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?

It's a beige flag.

The chicken muck sandwich is not...

It's not correct.

It's not factually correct.

I feel like we've got beige flags.

Pretty covered for what they are.

Red flags are self-explanatory, aren't they?

Yeah.

And red flags could mean...

Red.

Yeah, but a lot of people who are blind by love or lust

don't necessarily spot a red flag.

You know, we've all got that friend who's, like,

going out with an absolute jerk.

And we're trying to, like...

Absolute jerk.

Yeah, but you know when you're trying to, like,

shake them and tell them,

but you don't want to hear the feelings or whatever.

Yeah.

And there's red flags everywhere,

but they just won't accept it.

Got a few red flags here flagged up.

Funny enough.

Secretive, controlling,

catching them lying,

narcissistic, anger management issues.

Kind of red flags.

You have to cheat in red flags as well

or the, you know, sneaky red flags or...

I think morals play a lot...

Like, a good foundation

for a relationship has to be, like, good morals.

Yeah.

You know, someone who has different morals to you

and is, like, morally incorrect, it just doesn't work.

Because then, if you've got bad morals,

you're probably, like, bad-mannered, rude, nasty,

could cheat, all of that stuff.

You know, a lot of it is moral-based.

Yeah, well, I suppose...

Caring is one of the most important things, isn't it?

Because if you don't care for...

about lots of different things...

You may have a, like, no conscience.

Yeah.

You know, if you don't care about things,

you end up hurting people that...

and you'd probably hurt a person closest to you.

You've got, I think,

these consequences, isn't there, for things.

And if you don't have that kind of mentality,

I think sometimes you're not a good person.

Which, in tale, means you're not a good person

to be in a relationship with.

Yeah.

That'll be a red flag.

And when you see them early...

Nip it in the bud.

You've got to nip it in the bud.

Nip the relationship in the bud, mainly.

But people can change.

They can change.

If there's a red flag and you flag it up early enough,

they can change, hopefully.

Mm.

What I'm saying is if that red flag...

might necessarily be a complete no,

you might be able to...

Yeah.

...to change them a bit.

Yeah, but there's different levels of red flags,

like a man with a cat.

Single man with a cat.

Is that a red flag?

Is that a beige?

It's a beige.

More than a beige.

More than a beige.

Yeah, it's an in-between...

Amber.

Yeah.

It's an amber flag, that.

I mean, it's not quite...

It's one beige.

But it's less than red.

I think you'd look really cruel if you'd dumped someone,

because they had a cat as well,

but you'd look like a weirdo.

Why did you split up with a huge, great, generous,

loving me and the cat?

But that guy would then look at her and go,

that was a red flag.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She hates animals. Cruella.

She does with barnpots.

She's like a maniac.

She dumped me because I can't get her.

That's the bullet there, lad.

If a man...

What about a man with a kitten?

That's cute.

It's not cute, though, is it?

I don't think it is.

Like, kittens are cute,

regardless of what you say,

but if you came home to my house

and I had a little kitten...

Oh, I love it.

It is weird.

I think that's the Tiger King, yeah?

I love the Tiger King.

Yeah, that's a good documentary, that to be fair.

The quality.

Looks like our John.

Yeah.

Exotic John.

He's actually, for a bit of context,

he's actually got a pair of...

Zebra Prince trousers.

Don't even notice them anymore when he strolls in.

Zebra King.

Zebra Kick.

But that's, like, they're Celine.

That's what you're like with your bloody Gucci.

Well, I don't really like that.

Way cooler.

To be fair, I love them.

I like them.

Trendy.

The better thing is, if I put them on,

you'd laugh at me.

Because that's not your vibe.

Could be, though.

It's not a Malfi Coast.

A Malfi Coast chic.

Or Jack Grealish by night.

My alter ego, Jack Grealish.

She likes Kieran lately.

Well, again, so the green flags

are basically caring, funny, same-love language.

We've got written down here.

Oh, Ross loves this love language, doesn't he?

I don't know.

The language of love.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you discuss that with your girlfriend?

No.

Love language.

We know it on the same-love language.

Oh, God.

And what is there for you?

It's a beige flag.

What he's just said there.

It's a fucking red flag.

Well, do you know what, like,

a beige flag's a new one to me,

but I really enjoy it.

I'm on board with beige flags.

It's good.

And because I don't want you analysing me now for beige flags.

Well, you actually look like a beige flag today.

Maybe I am a beige flag.

You're just one giant beige flag walking beige flag.

I don't want to be a beige flag.

I'd rather be red or green.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, good.

You're a bit beige.

Beige is going back to that, like, normal, boring person, isn't it?

I'd rather be, whoa, no, or hell yeah.

I reckon that is exactly what you are as well.

Two people?

Yeah.

You're like, hell no, or hell yeah.

You're absolutely spot on.

That's how every person in my life is a hell yeah.

The people who aren't is a hell no.

There's no beiges.

It's a good way to live.

Maybe I'm getting old.

Don't suffer fools.

I don't need any beige around me.

Forget beige.

You're either out or you're in.

You're not, no, we're in the middle.

But you want to be uplifting.

Just hell yes.

Yeah.

Would you describe me as a hell yeah?

Hell yeah.

I'd describe you as a hell yeah.

Hundred percent.

Can I get a hell yeah?

Can I get a hell yeah?

Just don't do that again.

What is it?

Do you have freezing bombs?

Hell yeah.

All right.

Let's do some agony abs, shall we?

Hi Abbie and Peter.

I listened to your love language episode and it's made me re-evaluate my life and what

I want from it and I need help.

Please don't re-evaluate your life on what we say for God's sake.

I was listening along to...

I actually wouldn't agree with that.

Yeah, there's parts of it.

There's parts of it that's some good advice.

Actually this, I remember the love language one, the five love languages, it was quite

informative I thought that one.

And how the more similar you are, the more compatible you are.

I can honestly say me and my husband would score zero and I'm thinking is even my person.

I'm starting to think is there a knight in shining armor?

Someone who will spice up my dull life and give me my first ever bunk beat.

We've been together for 14 years and have four children.

I've been through more than enough heartbreak with them.

I do everything in the house and work a really stressful job full time.

And I don't sit down till I go to bed.

Did I actually, did I write this?

This means we don't bother with each other and I don't think I make him happy either

and I want him to be happy.

Are we just together because of the kids?

Or can your love languages be different but mean you're still compatible?

I want to be looked after and not be looking after him and the kids 24-7.

I want my own life.

I'm only my mid-30s and I've done really well with my career and I'm just not fulfilled anymore.

P.S. I want my bunk beat to be Santana after seeing the video of Pete gyrating in the garden to it.

Pete's not single love.

Lots of love, she's anondit for those reasons I feel.

I've been knocking straight on air done.

Well as good as it is to see that my gyrating is exciting.

It's also disappointing.

It's me.

So you choose.

It's disappointing that she feels that way after four kids.

Yeah joking aside, it's actually quite a sad message.

Yeah.

You know you don't want to, especially when, you know, for us, you know, the compatibility thing and the love language, it does work.

We do have the same interests, we do have the same morals, we like the same things, but we also like different things.

I think the problem here is when you only do the kids stuff together, you know, if you don't have time on your own,

like we found that obviously school holidays at the moment and it's hard, but if that's a constant.

We're not like a couple now.

On school holidays we're literally not couple.

That's what I'm saying. If he doesn't make time for her, then she is going to feel like this.

You know, if she does feel constantly like it's only kids stuff, then it's not, it's going to be a problem.

Because yeah, it is like that for us at the moment, but it's school holidays.

We do make time, we do make sure we do things together.

Not enough recently, I agree with you, but we do.

And we get on when we are together, but the way she's talking now, that's not happening.

I think if you're sitting in your house and you're looking at your partner and you're wondering why you're together.

And I don't mean after an argument.

No, this is genuine.

When you have an argument, you're like, God, I hate him because that's it or whatever.

But you know, if that's a genuine feeling, if you're looking at your husband or your wife, looking at your life and going,

you know, we've got nothing in common anymore, we don't make each other happy, if there's no laughter,

if you, you know, wonder why you're together.

I don't think that's a good sign.

And I, you know, in an ideal world, everyone with kids would be together.

But kids do pick up on things in the house if like you're not happy, I think.

The key part of this message is she's looking at him thinking he's not happy either.

And she's saying I love him and I want him to be happy.

That is not, that's, to me, doesn't speak like they want to stay together.

And if she looks at him and goes, I want him to be happy somewhere else.

Like if I said, I think he's...

I'd be like, if we split up, I want you to have the shittest life.

You'd never be happy.

You'd never want me to meet anyone ever again, would you, right?

If she's saying I want him to be happy maybe with someone else, then that speaks volumes, I think.

And I don't want to split anyone up.

I hope they work through it, but it doesn't sound good.

Is there a point when you have to look out for yourself in these situations?

I think you do, yeah.

You know, she said she's got four kids, been together.

You know, she's only in her mid-30s, but it's a big decision.

But if you're miserable...

And, you know, the grass isn't always greener.

That's true as well, but, you know, if you're miserable, it might just be a phase.

I mean, we've been together for 14 years.

She's only in her mid-30s as well.

She wants me to go to some school, doesn't she?

Yeah, but it does happen, like, when you're with someone for so many years.

Like, you know, we've talked about it on the pod.

All those little special things, little surprises, and I'm not talking a 10-carat diamond ring.

I'm talking about a little card or a little note, I love you, or...

Yeah.

All the...

Oh, I've seen this, you know, driving past wherever, seeing a slice of it.

You haven't brought me, like, you know, you used to bring me, like, Victoria's sponge cake home and stuff like that.

Because, you know, I'd love it.

Do you remember?

Yeah, but I bought you a sponge cake recently.

When?

It was gone about six months ago, but I remember looking and I thought, oh, mum loves them.

So, yeah, I brought it home, you didn't eat it.

It's all those little things...

That when you're together and you've got kids and, you know, she's got a career, you forget to do.

And then you feel unloved and unappreciated and not very special.

And, you know, for every woman and man, no matter how old you are, you don't have to be a teenager to be wooed and feel excited.

You can be...

You still want that, like, the whole time.

Can I say something, though, as well?

That's not politically correct, probably, but the woman can also...

You have just said man or woman.

On, like, the other way.

So, you know, we always say, oh, yeah, you know, I have to make the girl feel special, but sometimes it's the same...

No, I agree.

No, I agree.

I said, I did say man or woman.

It works both ways.

Works both ways.

I'm only just saying it from my point of view as a woman.

Yeah, no, I agree.

I agree with you totally.

Like, oh, you look nice.

Let's go for a drink.

Let's get the kids minded.

Let's, you know, let's go to the cinema.

Like, all little stupid things that aren't big deals.

So just having that little time to connect.

Yeah, it's important.

It's very important.

But I think, you know, for her, I wouldn't make a rash decision.

I'd probably talk about it.

But it's what we always say on this podcast, isn't it?

It's like, you've got to talk it out.

Like, you can't suffer in silence like that.

You've got to talk to each other.

Because I do drop subliminal messages through on this podcast towards Peter.

Well, I've got one there, I think.

It wasn't very subliminal.

It was a fucking bollocking, by the sounds of it.

No, because just because you're nice and we don't argue and we get on,

you still have to...

I know that, but so do you.

It's what my subliminal message back was.

You could bump up your ideas a bit as well.

I do.

Well, that's what you think.

I think there's lots of things you could do.

What would you like me to do?

What?

There's lots.

There's lots of things.

I think there's lots of things you could do.

Let's just leave it at that.

I'll speak to you after this.

But you won't be able to talk.

You won't be able to respond.

Guys, please help.

My brother and his fiance are talking about getting married three weeks after May.

We get married in Sorento, Italy on the 29th of May next year.

They've just got engaged in a talk about getting married on the 27th of June.

Or 4th of July next year.

And I've said it's too soon.

But should I even be able to share my opinion?

Please keep me in on, though, as I've been so specific.

They'll know it's me if they listen anyway.

PS, my fiance thinks she'll come to us if I ask.

Please tell them to shut up.

I quite fancy a wedding in Sorento.

Oh, yeah, to be fair.

I was going to say you've got absolutely no chance.

I was just about to say absolutely no way.

I don't know you.

But yeah, Sorento.

Yeah, we'll come and say hi.

I've never been to Sorento. I'd like to go.

I promised I'd take you, didn't I?

Yeah.

We went to Capri, which is close by.

With Sophia, with a baby.

Yeah, but she was only a little one then.

It was a nice trip, wasn't it?

So a brother is getting married.

A brother's just got engaged.

And he wants to get married next year, three weeks after May.

But she thinks it's number one too soon to be engaged.

No, she doesn't.

No, she doesn't want it close to her wedding.

So she's going to gazump her wedding, basically, if it's better.

Yeah.

I get that.

I get that.

But I mean, you know, just get it all wrapped up,

especially if you're a mum and dad, whatever.

Just feel like, just get it done.

Bang.

What do you mean?

Is your mum and dad?

Well, so...

That's it, brother.

Yeah, so her and her brother.

So if there's only two siblings,

if you're the mum and dad of those people,

you're like, bang, party time.

Now, I don't agree with that.

Why not?

Because I'd want people to talk about my wedding

for a whole year afterwards.

Oh, you see, you're taking the girls.

Well...

And also, you know, if all their wedding...

Presumably, there's going to be some crossover

on the wedding guests.

So...

That's true.

You know, will they be able to afford to go to Sorento

and then three weeks later and other...

Because not only the cost of going there,

it's also childcare.

Blah, blah.

They might have to pick their favourite sibling there.

You know, people can't afford two weddings in one summer.

They'll be like, well, who do we prefer?

We'll go to that one.

And that could cause problems.

Yep.

And also, she might still be on a honeymoon.

Three weeks later, won't you?

Three week honeymoon?

God, we pay you too much.

Don Juan de Marca, over there.

Cross one.

Cross.

Cross one.

Working.

He's always talking about the language of love

and all that.

Loves it.

Three weeks with physical touch.

Yeah.

So what are you doing?

How are you helping her?

Just me, you and the stars.

How are you helping her?

I just say to her,

brother, absolutely not.

Absolutely, no.

You know, she's probably waited years for this wedding.

Well, hopefully,

his wife will understand that.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

My wife will understand that.

No, because his wife's probably going,

I'm not waiting for another year to get married.

It's now or never.

You know what girls are like.

I've got a whole sheet of that.

Right, pain in the arse.

So it's going to be nice though.

All right, well, good luck to you.

All right, well, red, beige, green flags.

I think it's all green.

What are you looking at?

I'm just looking at your beige flag.

I think it's all green for me.

It really is.

It's all green.

Yeah.

Like if I met you now,

it would only be green flags.

Likewise.

Honestly, there's nothing,

there's nothing red flagging.

That's why, that's why I married you.

Like it's all your decision.

Well, I, I hoped.

But how lucky is that?

How lucky is that that we both feel that way?

Yeah.

No, it is lucky.

It's a nice, nice position to be in.

Yeah, no, it is, you know.

And hopefully, you know, the listeners will...

Is my love of animals a beige flag?

No, because I'm not an animal hater.

It's just your love of animal, bringing animals into our home.

That is a red flag, really.

That would be, that would be a red flag.

Yeah, guys, I'd love to hear your beige flags, your red flags,

and your green flags.

Let's bring some positivity.

I don't want to just be slagging people off the whole time

on this podcast.

You know, I know the agony abs, you know.

The problems.

The problems.

So that's great.

And we, we're here to help and try and solve

or give a little bit of word of wisdom.

But I'd like some positive stories.

If anyone's ever, you know, taken our advice

and it's worked, maybe.

They're not as funny though, are they?

Green flags.

Some, a beige flag.

Hell yeah, you're a hell yeah.

Beige flags are a class, aren't they?

Beige are great.

Some of those restaurant ones are that great.

Love them.

Okay.

Well, thanks guys.

And please read, please leave a review,

because we love to listen to them.

And thanks for tuning in.

Yeah, just one last thing.

It's the British Podcast Awards.

We're up for a listener's choice.

Yeah, we're just the best one.

Yeah, and we'd like to win.

So please vote.

And we will see you next week.

See you next week.

Machine-generated transcript that may contain inaccuracies.